Nurse-in. Nurse-out.

Tomorrow, there are nurse-in's planned at Target stores across the USA and in some Zeller's stores (the future home of Target) across Canada. It is all in response to an incident that happened to a breastfeeding mom at a Houston Target store in late November 2011. You can read all the details here, in the post written by Annie Urban from PhDinParenting on the Care2 site.

This is sadly not a new news story. Long story short is this: mom is shopping with baby, baby gets hungry, mom has a full cart of items and decides to sit down and nurse her child with a cover over her. Mom is subsequently harassed by store employees asking her to move or leave and then proceed to threaten to call the police and have her arrested for indecent exposure, etc, etc, etc....

And... Cue the Lactivists!! And the uproar from both sides of this issue. (See the 489 comments on Annie's Post! 489 people!!)

And then nation-wide nurse-ins are planned.

And I get a kind of weird uneasy feeling in my tummy about these gatherings.

Please understand this. I am a very vocal and proud advocate of breastfeeding. I believe that breastfeeding is the normal and yes, best way to feed our babies. I believe that mothers should nurse their babies anytime and anywhere and not have to suffer any kind of harassment or public humiliation for giving her baby the simple basics of food and love.

I believe that leading by example and modeling the kind of behaviour we want to see in others and around us is the best way to change the world. I especially believe this about breastfeeding and this is why I have and always will nurse in public when I need to. I will do so with a smile on my face, with or without a cover, with my newborn and with my three-year-old. I will nurse at a pool, at a restaurant, in the mall, at the park, in church or sitting in the lawn furniture display at Superstore.

Some may think I am a 'breastfeeding nazi', because I believe that this is the best way to feed my babies and I will do whatever I need to ensure that this is what happens. I will share my knowledge of breastfeeding with those around me and help whomever asks me for advice or help!  I will support businesses and products that enhance the breastfeeding relationship and remove my support from those that I feel undermine it.

But on the subject of public gatherings and nurse-ins...

To be completely honest, and I know this will get me in some hot water with some people...

I do not think that this is the way.

This 'Stickin' it to the man', or in this case (and as the media will undoubtedly portray it) 'Whippin' em out in front of everyone', will HURT the lactivist movement. This will become less about a mother's right and basic human need to feed her child when and where that child is hungry, as it will be about a group of outraged feminist crazies and exhibitionist women 'flaunting' themselves in the name of breastfeeding in public.

Do you think I am wrong?

Maybe I am, but I know what kind of world we live in.

We live in a world where boobs = sex. Where one of the most watched fashion shows on the planet is the Victoria's Secret one and it is chock full of barely there bras and panties and lots of bouncing boobs. Where the biggest social media website in the world will allow almost pornographic pictures of breasts and other questionable body parts, but actively removes, bans and shuts down pages that show a breastfeeding mother and child. We live in a world where the most powerful nation known to man has the most appalling maternity leave policy on earth and does next to nothing to support breastfeeding mothers.

So what is a breastfeeding advocate to do?

I have been invited to our local nurse-in tomorrow, but I don't think I will go. I see these actions as confrontational and in my opinion THIS tactic rarely ever works to change people's minds and only serves to alienate those we want support from and make the issue seem more sensational than normal. There is something to be said about attracting more flies with honey than vinegar and I truly believe that this highly charged topic of breastfeeding in public is one that needs way more sweet than bitter to move it forward.

I don't know what the right answers are here and just like feeding our babies, it is likely as diverse and varied as these answers and choices are.

I personally choose to make my stand for nursing in public (NIP) as I feed my babies. On demand. And trust me, with a three-year-old who is still nursing and very vocal about it,  she can be very demanding! As demanding as a screaming hungry newborn. And you can bet that I would, I have and I will nurse my children when and where they need it.

So for all those shop employees, shoppers, diners, people walking by, fellow church goers and everyone else who seems to have a problem with a mother nursing her child, I say this...

Your choice is...

THIS.

Or THIS!

Look away or deal with the high-pitched, full-throttle and seemingly never-ending screams of a hungry child!!

Natasha~

P.S. I fully support all the mamas and daddies and everyone else who IS going to the nurse-in's across our nations. I am with you in spirit and will likely be somewhere else quite publicly nursing my toddler and being an example to all those around me.

A twofor from Natural Mother Productions.

I have been very remiss and absent from my babywearing blogging lately. I am so very sorry everyone! So to make up for it, I have a two in one review for you!!

A few months ago I got an email from a lovely baby carrier making Mama of 7 (her last pregnancy was a twofor as well)! She wanted to send me one of her carriers to see what I thought of it.

Well, you know me, I am not one to pass up trying out a new carrier and I am especially pleased when it is from a fellow Canadian Mama working to support her family while doing something that she loves.

So without further ado...

Here is Natural Mother Productions!

Michelle Dunn is the creative juice and super mama behind this brand, and she makes the loveliest custom mei tai and full buckle carriers!

So she sent me one of each! Woohoo! Double the fun!

The first is the Mei Tai.

My first impression of this carrier was Wow!! The stitching and workmanship on this piece is amazing. There is just the right amount of padding in the waist band and the straps of the carrier to make is super comfy. I especially like the angle of the shoulder straps on this Mei Tai. The way that they are attached to the body of the carrier keeps the straps nicely on your shoulders versus riding up onto your neck. This keeps the weight of baby off your neck and distributed better over your shoulders.

The body of the carrier is quite unique and to be honest, I was not sure what to make of it at first. The top half of the mei tai is padded and provides a more rigid support for your baby's upper torso and head. The lower half has a slight contour to is and is not padded. At first this confused me, but after further review and trying it out with a couple of different aged babies, I am convinced that this may actually be quite brilliant!

Here is the thing. My beef with a few of the other quite popular mei tai carriers is how stiff the bodies of these carriers are. This can make it very hard to use them effectively, especially with younger or smaller babies and makes getting these little ones in the proper position with legs out, in the flexed & abducted or 'M' position very difficult.  The fact that the lower half of the NMP mei tai is NOT padded allows you to bunch in the carrier more at the base so that you can properly position your baby in a nice seated and froggy-legged position from 10 pounds and up (as stated by the manufacturer).

For the record, I will state that, with maybe one exception that I know of, mei tai carriers are not the most ideal baby carriers for newborns and in my opinion should be used from 3 months and up (the upper weight limit on most carriers is 35 lbs). In this regard the NMP Mei Tai is no exception to my rule.

What I do love about the NMP Mei Tai is the body and headrest. It is a nice high body and easily covers babies all the way up to the shoulders and neck (and head if need be). The headrest part can be folded down to accommodate a baby that is awake and wants to look around, but keeps its firmness when upright and provides good support for the sleeping baby.

The one thing that limits the use of this mei tai for me with my big kids, is the base of the seat. For bigger toddlers (2-3 year olds), I did not find that it gave the knee to knee support that is ideal in baby carriers. For younger babies, this is not a problem and the 12.5 inches gives ample support and makes a very nice seat for baby to sit in and get the above stated knee-to-knee support. And as you can see, I wore my little 11 month old helper, Baby N, very comfortably for about a half hour in my NMP Mei Tai and we both loved it.

Little N's mama is also rather petite and was having problems finding a carrier to fit her body comfortably. The NMP mei tai carrier was a very good fit for her and she loved how easy it was to get it on and off.

The high and more rigid upper body of the mei tai works great when wearing your babies and toddlers on your back. And, as you can see here, there is little to no chance of your little ones leaning back too far in this carrier!

The Natural Mother Productions Mei Tai is a lovely addition to the babywearing world and anyone's carrier stash and Michelle's custom work is both beautiful and functional!

And her Buckle Carrier is no exception!

As I have mentioned before, my biggest complaint with most of the mainstream buckle carriers (think Ergo, Beco and Boba) has always been the straps and the chest clip. Especially when carrying baby on the front and having to reach back and trying to get the clip done up with your arms behind your head. Well, I am happy to report that the NMP Buckle Carrier has taken care of this for me! The straps of the NMP carrier criss-cross across your back and actually buckle directly into the body of the carrier. I personally feel that having the straps of any carrier (wrap, mei tai or buckle carrier)  crossed on your back, distributes the weight of the baby better and is a lot more comfortable for the wearer.

I had my friend, Josline (a tried and true Ergo user) try out the NMP buckle carrier with her 15-month-old, 29 pound little one and she LOVED it. As did her daughter who needed some uppy time for a much-needed nap. The structure of the NMP Buckle Carrier is much like the Mei tai with the high-backed, sturdy upper portion and contoured lower seat area. A nice addition to the buckle carrier is the sleep hood that buckles directly into the upper straps near your shoulders.

The NMP Buckle Carrier does not come with a chest strap like most buckle carriers and I will admit that I was nervous about this at first for back carrying. I have one slightly slope-y shoulder and find that I 'need' that extra support with most other carriers to feel secure in a back carry.

I was pleasantly surprised by how the NMP Buckle carrier fit both me and my 3-year-old, 35 pound 'baby'. The design and cut of the straps just sort of 'fit' perfectly around the shoulders and are nice and snug and thus, seem to eliminate the need for a chest strap. Princess L and I went for a nice walk with our gorgeous NMP carrier and were both very, very happy with it!

Michelle custom makes every one of her carriers and she has some gorgeous prints to choose from. I am particularly fond of the 'Carnival bloom' print and the 'Zesty Zinna' one too! The carriers are good for babies from 10 to 35 pounds and are a one size fits most design (you can discuss with Michelle if you need a more custom size).

Natural Mother Productions is offering my Natural Urban Mama readers a discount on her fabulous carriers!  Let her know that I sent you and you will get $25.00 off of a buckle carrier or $20.00 off of a mei tai carrier. 

Happy Babywearing Everyone!

Natasha~

Toddlers and Heros!

Call me silly, but I am SO, so excited tonight.

A week and a half ago Annie at Phd in Parenting asked me to guest post for her awesome Carnival of Toddlers this month.

And I really can't lie, I may have done a few internal cartwheels when she sent me that tweet! Because here is the thing, Annie is kind of one of my heros. I have so much respect for her as an activist, a parent and a writer. I even sometimes think in my head when confronted with certain parenting and/or ethical questions..."What would Annie Do?"

I had the immense pleasure of meeting her at Blissdom Canada this past October and she really is as awesome in person as she is online!

So without further ado, here is the link to my guest post all about 'Toddler Survival 101'!

I do hope you like it and that you can get some tips from it to help you make it through these often trying but really quite terrific toddler years!!

Giddy as all heck,

Natasha~

thick

This week has been a tough one. As I knew it would be.

Natural Urban Dad is on call at the hospital this week and also had to go out-of-town for a night to deal with some urgent business. We steel ourselves for his weeks on call and I thank God that they are few and far between. He knows he will get frustrated and not enjoy his time there, and I know that I will be dealing with a grumpy spouse for a week.

But, it is more than just this.

I am somehow just feeling off.

I was doing really well for a few weeks. Feeling happier, like I was making good choices for me and for my family, focusing on the positive and removing all that I felt was weighing me down. I felt that, although I was still in a tunnel, I was able to see a light at the end of it.

And then this week started and I am not sure why, but there seems to be a thick fog following me around.

I am tired. So very, very tired. And believe it or not, the kids are actually sleeping relatively well this week, so I can't even blame my fatigue on them.

I am also feeling overwhelmed. I know it is partly because of Christmas and making sure that I make it a special time for the kids. I feel like I am going through my days and constantly saying to myself, "Just get through this day and then tomorrow, you can do A, B, C...).

I want to do some Christmas baking and help the kids make presents for their Aunties and Uncles and wrap their presents and go to Candy Cane Lane and ....

...all I have been able to do this week is make sure I PVR every damn kid Christmas special on TV and then sit the kids down and have them watch them over and over and over again while I try to stay awake and at least make sure they have clean underwear.

They have their Christmas Concert at playschool tomorrow and because I have not done any clothing shopping for them in forever, I am scrambling tonight to figure out what they can wear that is festive enough. A red Transformer's sweatshirt will work right?

I just feel aimless.

I picked up some 'Winter Joy' room spray and my personalized 'Calm and Centered' Flower Essence blend from my friendly neighborhood holistic practitioner. Hopefully these will start to kick in soon! Because trust me, I need all the joy, calm and centering I can get these days!

I have no real point to this post. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days I am going to wake up and snap out of it. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be happening and I am just not ready to go see my GP and have her tell me I need to be on an anti-depressant. So I will keep plugging along. Trying to find my joy in the little things and in my little people.

The good news is that I am happy that I made the decision to close my store for the holidays. I did this to be able to figure out how to be the best wife and mother that I can be and the happy and fulfilled person that I deserve to be. I think I just need to take a deep breath now that I am in this 'taking a break' time and realize that I don't have to figure everything out this very minute.

Here's hoping the fog is a little thinner tomorrow.

Natasha~

Five Years

I am a five year old mother.

As in, five years ago, a beautiful baby boy was concieved of the love that Natural Urban Dad and I share, was born of my body and completely transformed my life. This is for him.

For all that you have taught me. About life, love, and laughter.

For all that you do that is sweet, loving, and kind.

For the lessons in patience, perseverance and the power of a hug.

For your independent spirit. Your love of LIFE. Your utter BOY-ness!

Thank you, Little Man.

You really have made me the Mama I am today.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayRqFLjNcJI[/youtube]

legacy

I just spent the last 2 hours in a cramped 3-bed hospital room with my 82-year-old Godmother.

This is the woman my daughter is named after. The woman who was a best friend to my grandmother, a kind of surrogate mother for my own mother and the woman at whose home I have the fondest memories of my childhood.

She is a pretty amazing woman and I am so incredibly thankful that she has always been a part of my life.

Talking with her today, we covered the usual. How the kids and Natural Urban Dad are doing, how goes the progress on the new house, and the usual chit-chat. And then the conversation took a turn that it often does with her.

She is ready to die. She actually wants to die.

Seven years ago this December, the love of her life, the man she was married to for 60 years, the man who left her a love note tucked under her pillow every day, passed away.

She wants to be with him again.

A few months ago, she had a fall at her home and her son found her unconscious on the floor (he woke up suddenly at 3 AM and told his wife he had to go check on his mom). She told me that during those few hours that she was technically in a coma, that she was at peace. She was floating. She was on her way to see her love.

And then she woke up.

Today we also talked a lot about her life in Europe as a child, how her mom died suddenly at the age of 38 when she was only nine and of her life during and after the war. She showed me her engagement ring and told me the story of how my Godfather had to buy the gold on the black market and designed the bow-shaped ring himself. She told me of all the love notes and little presents that he would leave for her under her pillow, for no other reason than just because he loved her so much.

This is the stuff that great love stories are made of people!

And then we started talking about my grandmother. Helen (we never called her Grandma) was also an amazing woman. All 90 pounds of her.  My Godparents where the closest thing to family that she had and they know the most about her life. I only know tidbits. If I have one regret in this life it is that I did not spend more time with her and get her to tell me more about her life.

You see, I do not know who my grandfather is. Neither does my mother. Helen was a governess in the late 1940's for a rich family in the south of France. She fell in love with the married chauffeur and proceeded to get herself knocked up at the spinster-y age of 42. This is as much as I know. And as I found out today, this seems to be as much as anyone knows. I assume this situation was quite the scandal in those days and in 1952, two years after my mother was born my grandmother and my mother immigrated to Canada. Once here, I do know that there was a short marriage to another man, who died of a heart attack and then I think Helen just swore of off men forever.

What I found out today, is that my dear grandmother, this tiny woman whom I have held on such a pedestal my whole life, who expected so much from me, who was always so prim and proper, was actually quite the goof. My Godmother regaled me today with stories about Helen. I heard about her walking around nude all the time. Answering the door with nothing on and with nary a care in the world. We had quite the giggle today about her many naked antics.

Why am I going on and on about all of this?

Legacy.

That is why.

I still only have tidbits of my grandmother's life. I wish that she had journaled more, that she had written down her thoughts, her experiences, her perspective of being a single mother in the 1950's and 60's. I wish I could have known her more, understood her more and that I had more of her to remember.

My Godfather wrote his memoirs and his children had them bound into a hardcover book for him before he passed away. I asked my Godmother for a copy of that book today. It was all written in French, so it might take me a while to read it. But read it I will.

Sometimes I hear people make disparaging remarks about being a blogger. Oh, you are not a writer, you are just a blogger. And I realized something today. I am both. And I am neither.  I write not only for myself, but for future generations too.

And this is my legacy.

This blog is the way that MY grand children will know me when I am not around anymore. They will know the funny me, the sad me, the advocate me, the Mommy me and the rant-y me! They will be able to read about how their parents were born, read about how and why we did things "in the old days" and see their parents through my eyes (and my camera lens).

They will be able to see how we built our dream home, the home that their parents grew up in, the one that they will get to come to for sleep-overs and holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.

Maybe one day I or the kids will take this blog and make it into a book. Not necessarily for mass production, just for the family to have  a tangible connection to the woman I am/will be/was. So I will write. I will write for me, for my kids and for my grand kids. I will write for the women who came before me, for my mother and for my grandmother...

...and I will write  for my Godmother. May she soon find peace and her one true love waiting for her with open arms and an eternal love note.

Natasha~

Bizarro World and a Foot Rub

Something weird happened last Sunday. And by weird I mean, like bizarro world, everything is backwards weird.

I worked the Mommylicious trade show in Edmonton on Sunday. I was on my feet from 9 Am until 4:30 PM fitting mamas and daddies with beautiful baby carriers and running the show's stroller check (check in your stroller and 'check out' a baby carrier while you shop). I also got to have some amazing sleepy 6-week-old snuggles with my friend's sweet baby girl who slept on me for about 2 hours! It was a great day.

And a long day.

Natural Urban Dad was home with the kids all day and I got a few texts from him as the day went on about what they were doing. Seems the kids were having a day of "let's not listen to Daddy and therefore not get to go to "Fish Mouth" with him." (Fish Mouth is what they call the undersea adventure area at West Edmonton Mall).

I know that he too was having a long day with the kids.

We all met for dinner at our favourite neighborhood sushi place after I was all done at the show, the kids behaved themselves rather well and then we headed home.

Once in the house, Natural Urban Dad proceeded to immersed himself into cleaning the kitchen.

All I wanted to do was sit down and put up my feet (which were totally KILLING ME) for five minutes and close my eyes after a long day, but no, the kids needed some mommy time.

And it was bath time and someone obviously wanted to be alone with the dishes.

And then it hit me!!

Like a weird bizarro world smack up side the head!

Natural Urban Dad was doing exactly what I usually do when he gets home.

I turn over the kids to him with an "I am DONE!" expression on my face and start cleaning up or cooking dinner.  And I fully admit that for the most part I don't even think about how long or hard his day has been.

So I sucked it up, bathed the kids, got them ready for bed, read them a story and tucked them in.

And then I sat on the couch and asked for a foot rub.

I don't know if I have a real point to this post, except to say that NO ONE EVER WINS in this. Men and women have always had and will continue to have the "you have no idea how hard I work all day" discussions no matter who is with the kids and who is on the job. For me, I guess this day just really emphasized this dynamic in what we do at our house and made me realize that I need to appreciate my partner and what his day is like just as much as I expect him to appreciate all that I do in and around the house and with the kids every day.

We made our choices as a family. I would be the stay at home parent and he would be the working one. A lot of couples make this choice. It is important to keep the gratitude in our lives and for each other and remember to not take one another for granted. Each of us has an important job to do for the well-being and success of this family.

This past weekend was my reminder of this. Did Natural Urban Dad see the same thing? Maybe he did.

'Cause it was one very long and very nice foot rub!!

 Natasha~

Cyber Monday at Natural Urban Mamas!

Well, Natural Urban Mamas is an ONLINE store, so we had to have a big Cyber Monday SALE!!

Head on over to the site and take advantage of our "ABC" SALE!! All discounts will be automatically applied at checkout.

Happy Shopping Everyone,

Natasha~