Alberta votes. What are the issues that affect you and your family?

Last year during the Canadian federal election I really wanted to explore the different political parties and their platforms and find out where I stood, you know... politically speaking. This is often a tough thing to do during an election with 'propaganda' and agendas coming at you from all angles.

And then a Canadian blogger that I hold in very high regard did something wonderful. She took a good hard look at all the parties, read their platforms extensively and posted a synopsis of each on her blog. I can honestly say that I ended up making my decision based a lot on the information that Annie at Phd in Parenting posted on her site about the parties and their platforms as they related to families, parenting and women's issues.

And so, in an effort to suss out again where I stand at a provincial political  level, I am going to attempt to do something that is way out of my comfort zone, but that I think is vitally important right now. I am going to try to be 'Annie' for the 2012 Alberta Elections and for all of you!

As you know, on March 26th, the provincial election was called in Alberta and we are now less than three weeks away from the April 23rd Election Day.

If you have been keeping up with some of the election coverage then you will no doubt be aware that so far, this election campaign has been quite a contentious one.  And I don't know about you, but all of it is leaving me feeling confused, disillusioned and at this point rather indecisive.

For the next two weeks I am going to be scouring through the platforms of each political party (and probably dropping in to a few of my local campaign offices too) and like Annie did, I will be reporting here on the parenting and family related policies and promises that each of them are making.

So as you follow the #abvote Twitter stream or read and watch the news and try to decide which party to support, what questions do you have? What are the things that are most important for you and your family and what would you like to see me address in these posts?

Diving into the {political} deep end!

Natasha~

(photo credit: Elections Alberta)

Irony and an Arrow

Do you know what sucks and is also kind of ironic? I am attending a blogging conference this weekend, the inaugural Blogwest 2012 AND I am also suffering from a seemingly unending case of writer's block!

I seriously have about 10 posts sitting in my drafts folder that I started writing, got to a certain point and then just sort of lost steam.

And this is starting to really piss me off!

I think it is because my brain is so full of a lot of other life events right now. Selling our house, building the new house, closing the store, getting the new site up and running, prepping the family and business tax returns (whoohoo fun... NOT!!), and packing, I really have to start doing more packing.

All of this has left me feeling like I may be neglecting my space and my readers here on my blog.

BUT...

What I am NOT feeling, is like I am neglecting my family.

And really, that was the point of pretty much every major decision that I have made this year. Right?

Little C wants me to help him make an imaginary recipe of sticks and twigs and play dough. Sure thing baby.

Princess L wants to read me a story and pretend that she is the mommy. Yup, just let me sit down first.

Starting each morning with a new favourite song of the day and a kitchen dance party. Check.

Ending our days together taking the dog for a walk and getting some sweet, fresh, snowy air. Doing that.

REGULAR date nights out with Natural Urban Dad every couple of weeks and an evening babysitter who loves my kids. Yes, I've got that too!

So while I may be not writing a whole lot lately, I am doing a lot more of what I am supposed to be doing. Looking after me and my little family.

Now, what I am also feeling, is that I need to really come to terms with and be a whole lot more vocal and proud that I am a...

Magnificent MAMA,

a wonderful WIFE,

and a brazen BLOGGER!

And kind of in that order too.

Inspiration with hit soon enough and my block will become unblocked. When it does, I will be ready for it, and so will my typing fingers!!

I have a feeling that it might happen sometime this weekend when I am surrounded by the many bloggers and brands and fabulous online folk that will be attending Blogwest 2012.

A friend of mine pinned this anonymous quote tonight and I thought it was very a propos!

Getting ready for a big 'launch'!

Goodnight all,

Natasha~

legacy

I just spent the last 2 hours in a cramped 3-bed hospital room with my 82-year-old Godmother.

This is the woman my daughter is named after. The woman who was a best friend to my grandmother, a kind of surrogate mother for my own mother and the woman at whose home I have the fondest memories of my childhood.

She is a pretty amazing woman and I am so incredibly thankful that she has always been a part of my life.

Talking with her today, we covered the usual. How the kids and Natural Urban Dad are doing, how goes the progress on the new house, and the usual chit-chat. And then the conversation took a turn that it often does with her.

She is ready to die. She actually wants to die.

Seven years ago this December, the love of her life, the man she was married to for 60 years, the man who left her a love note tucked under her pillow every day, passed away.

She wants to be with him again.

A few months ago, she had a fall at her home and her son found her unconscious on the floor (he woke up suddenly at 3 AM and told his wife he had to go check on his mom). She told me that during those few hours that she was technically in a coma, that she was at peace. She was floating. She was on her way to see her love.

And then she woke up.

Today we also talked a lot about her life in Europe as a child, how her mom died suddenly at the age of 38 when she was only nine and of her life during and after the war. She showed me her engagement ring and told me the story of how my Godfather had to buy the gold on the black market and designed the bow-shaped ring himself. She told me of all the love notes and little presents that he would leave for her under her pillow, for no other reason than just because he loved her so much.

This is the stuff that great love stories are made of people!

And then we started talking about my grandmother. Helen (we never called her Grandma) was also an amazing woman. All 90 pounds of her.  My Godparents where the closest thing to family that she had and they know the most about her life. I only know tidbits. If I have one regret in this life it is that I did not spend more time with her and get her to tell me more about her life.

You see, I do not know who my grandfather is. Neither does my mother. Helen was a governess in the late 1940's for a rich family in the south of France. She fell in love with the married chauffeur and proceeded to get herself knocked up at the spinster-y age of 42. This is as much as I know. And as I found out today, this seems to be as much as anyone knows. I assume this situation was quite the scandal in those days and in 1952, two years after my mother was born my grandmother and my mother immigrated to Canada. Once here, I do know that there was a short marriage to another man, who died of a heart attack and then I think Helen just swore of off men forever.

What I found out today, is that my dear grandmother, this tiny woman whom I have held on such a pedestal my whole life, who expected so much from me, who was always so prim and proper, was actually quite the goof. My Godmother regaled me today with stories about Helen. I heard about her walking around nude all the time. Answering the door with nothing on and with nary a care in the world. We had quite the giggle today about her many naked antics.

Why am I going on and on about all of this?

Legacy.

That is why.

I still only have tidbits of my grandmother's life. I wish that she had journaled more, that she had written down her thoughts, her experiences, her perspective of being a single mother in the 1950's and 60's. I wish I could have known her more, understood her more and that I had more of her to remember.

My Godfather wrote his memoirs and his children had them bound into a hardcover book for him before he passed away. I asked my Godmother for a copy of that book today. It was all written in French, so it might take me a while to read it. But read it I will.

Sometimes I hear people make disparaging remarks about being a blogger. Oh, you are not a writer, you are just a blogger. And I realized something today. I am both. And I am neither.  I write not only for myself, but for future generations too.

And this is my legacy.

This blog is the way that MY grand children will know me when I am not around anymore. They will know the funny me, the sad me, the advocate me, the Mommy me and the rant-y me! They will be able to read about how their parents were born, read about how and why we did things "in the old days" and see their parents through my eyes (and my camera lens).

They will be able to see how we built our dream home, the home that their parents grew up in, the one that they will get to come to for sleep-overs and holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.

Maybe one day I or the kids will take this blog and make it into a book. Not necessarily for mass production, just for the family to have  a tangible connection to the woman I am/will be/was. So I will write. I will write for me, for my kids and for my grand kids. I will write for the women who came before me, for my mother and for my grandmother...

...and I will write  for my Godmother. May she soon find peace and her one true love waiting for her with open arms and an eternal love note.

Natasha~

It's decision time....

As you may know, the past few months have been a struggle for me.

Personally, I have been dealing with my yearly seasonal blues demons and just barely keeping them at bay. It is getting better though and I have my fabulous little family and some really great friends (new and old) to thank for that. And a healthy dose of Vitamin D every day seems to be helping too!

Professionally, it has been a struggle as well. Working as a solo entrepreneur is hard work.  Actually, it is VERY hard work. And doing so while also being the stay-at-home parent to two preschool-aged children makes it even harder. Somehow they NEED me more now then they ever have before (more on this later) and finding the time to focus on ALL of my babies is getting harder and harder.

Please understand that I love what I do.

I love being able to introduce parents to the incredible world of babywearing. I love helping anyone who asks about breastfeeding, natural birth, and the many aspects of 'green' parenting that I have garnered some knowledge of over the years. It makes my heart happy when I see the look of sheer relief and the physical relaxation of a mama's shoulders when she puts her baby in a proper, safe and beautiful baby carrier. And I seriously almost want to do a happy dance of joy when said baby is asleep in under 5 minutes of being in a new carrier.

I also love being able to find great products from both local and not-so-local mama-made and baby-inspired small businesses. It has always been part of my mission at Natural Urban Mamas to support local Canadian manufacturers and mainly mama-owned or family run smaller companies in North America and Europe. I have stayed true to this throughout the life of my business and I am so honoured to now call quite a few of these manufacturers and mamas some of my dearest friends.

I love the community of mamas that I have on the Natural Urban Mamas Facebook and Twitter pages. All 3800+ of you!! This is simply amazing to me! I appreciate your comments, feedback, funny posts, beautiful pictures and all the questions that you feel comfortable asking me. I love sharing wonderful and informative posts with you and introducing you to some of my favourite blogger friends, cool sites and general internet happy places!  I also love how you all share so freely with me and with each other when questions are asked. This to me is a true community. We may not always see things the same way, but sharing ideas and learning from each other makes us all better! Thank YOU!

So why the struggle?

Running a retail company on your own (and on the internet) is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of job. You are the CEO, COO, CFO, Marketing department, Sales force, Purchaser, Accounting/Book-keeping department, Shipper/Receiver, often the IT department and the SEO/Social Media/Communications department as well. There is always something that needs doing to keep the business running smoothly and often this involves an investment of time or money. It is exhausting and to be completely honest, most of the time I am running low of both time AND money!

Here's the thing. When my business partner and I went our separate ways in late 2009, for the sake of simplicity and to avoid the addition of more legal fees (and to keep things from getting ugly), I had to pay her out. I don't really want to get into all the ridiculous details of this transaction (because I will just get angry again), but essentially Natural Urban Mamas has not yet been able to climb out of the hole that this 'pay-out' created. And I don't see it doing so anytime soon. You know that old saying, "you need to spend money to make money", well, at this point, there is just not enough money to spend!

So at this point I am NOT loving the day-to-day running of Natural Urban Mamas, the business. And not just because of the financial factor. It is the time factor too.

Like I mentioned above, my children need me more now than they have before. Little C will be 5 years old in two weeks and he is more inquisitive than ever. He has questions that need well thought out answers!  LOTS of questions. Princess L is in the weird and wonderful transition phase from toddler to preschooler and is figuring out that she is not a baby anymore. There is a lot of independence and then very strong attachment going on at our house these days. I need to be there for my littles. It is not just my physical presence that they need, it is more of my mental and emotional presence too and I don't want to deny them any of this. Unfortunately, because I squeeze in work hours when and where I can throughout the day, I feel like I am doing just that.

And it is not just the kids, my husband needs me too.

We both knew that this year was going to be a tough one for us. Financing and building a new house can be rough on any relationship. And although yes, this is our third time doing it, I fully admit that it seems way harder this time around. I think we are both feeling a lot of pressure to really GET IT RIGHT with this house and have a lot of our heart and soul and hopes and dreams wrapped up in this little construction project. And a lot of the decisions about the house come down to me. I am the one visiting the site almost every day to ensure that our dream is taking shape as we planned. I am the one talking to the trades people (I am there so often, that the guys have all started calling me Nat, it's my site nickname). I am the one trying to keep us all on budget. So you see, I have yet another job to add to the list -- unofficial Construction Site Supervisor!

You can imagine that with all of this going on - the store, the kids, and the house - Natural Urban Dad and I don't get a whole heck of a lot of alone time together. And we NEED it! All marriages need this. For us we especially need our time together because of all that is going on! Even if it is just an hour a week at Starbucks or a walk through the mall holding hands, we need that time to reconnect and know that WE matter as a team, a couple and yes, as lovers too! (oh, he is so going to love that!) We are the foundation that all else is built on and we have to keep that foundation strong.

Over the past few weeks, it has become glaringly apparent to me that certain things in my life need to change. I need to change. I am no longer completely happy with the path I am on and I need to find a new way, a better way to keep living my purpose and my passion without losing my mind! This week I sought the advice of a fellow entrepreneur I recently met IRL and for whom I have always had mad respect for... and then she posted THIS! I swear to God, it was like she jumped into my head and then wrote her post. And I can't thank her enough. (Big Super Hugs for Alex from @Clippo!!)

And so here is what is going to happen now. I am taking a page from Alex's book.

Natural Urban Mamas, the store,  will be closed from December 12, 2011 until January 31, 2012. 

During this time I will be figuring out what is best for me and my family and also for Natural Urban Mamas. I will continue to write on the blog (I have a couple of carrier reviews coming up and some step-by-step carrier instructional posts too) and also keep the Facebook page current. I will be available for babywearing or baby carrier advice via Facebook or Twitter, but will not be running any babywearing workshops during December or January.

I appreciate your patience and understanding and your continued support while I work through this challenge and transition in my life and my business.

Thank you,

Natasha~

Mama Metamorphosis

My kids are 4.5 years old and 2.5 years old. Both are my babies, but please DO NOT, under any circumstances, say that to them these days. C remembers being a baby and the things he used to do (nurse, sleep in the crib, be in a baby carrier) and they toys he used to play with, but he is firmly a BIG BOY now and is even concerned that his clothing size is the right number for him!!  L is just realizing that she is a "big girl" and she justifies all that she does now. "Mama, big girls nurse too. Mama, big girls go uppy in carriers too. Mama, I not a baby, I a BIG GIRL!!"

And I have just realized that although they will always be MY babies, they really are NOT little babies anymore and therefore...

....I can not be the 'baby' mama anymore.

It is time for me to grow up and graduate out of the baby stage and transition to this new (and rather scary) phase of parenthood.

For those you who have been following along with my posts you will know that a few months ago, Natural Urban Dad and I were in talks about having another child. Suffice it to say that we have come to a collective agreement and what is going to work for all of us is the status quo. Two kids, two adults, two hands....you do the math. It is what works for us and is what is going to keep us a strong family unit.

And all along the way, in all our talks and negotiations, the theme that kept recurring was one of all of us growing up. Our kids are growing up and contrary to what you would think this would mean, ie, more independence, less reliance on us for everyday tasks, etc., what I have noticed is that they actually NEED us even more right now and in a completely different way than before.

Take my son. He is a sensitive, inquisitive, smart cookie with a quirky personality (he gets that from me I guess ;)). He also seems to have the sharpest hearing in the history of four year-olds and if he hears something he does not quite understand, he will ask you about it and not quite asking until he gets it! This is a totally awesome occurrence. Except when you are not prepared for it.

Yesterday, as we were driving to my niece's 12th birthday party, C pipes up from the back seat of the car.

"Mama, is HATE a bad word?"

Me: "Uhm....... well......, what do you mean?"

"Hate. What does it mean?"

Me: looking over at Natural Urban Dad and mouthing, "Do you want to answer this?" and him staring off into space like he can't hear either of us.

So, as I rolled my eyes at the NUD at my side, I told C this, "Hate is a mean word that some people use when they really, really, REALLY do not like something. It is a word that can hurt people's feelings and one that is not very nice to use."

That seemed to satisfy him for the moment, but it is just one example of the many questions and thoughts that he is processing these days and often needs our help to sort out. Today we had a fun time over breakfast discussing what our emotions are and making the appropriate faces to go with them. Our conversations with C really have gone to a new level as of late and it is awesome and extremely scary at the same time!

And L at two and a half,  has suddenly become the "WHY" kid. Why Mama? Why you put make-up on? Why that lady have crutches? Why we going to swimming? Why? Why? Why? I love that she wants to know EVERYTHING, but OY, some days it is exhausting! And for some reason I just keep answering her multitude of questions and that just makes her ask why even more.....

My kids are also very sensitive with regards to their time with me lately and the whole work-life-parenting-and-being-an entrepreneur-thing is requiring some extra special juggling skills these days! I am working on it, but it is not easy. It is not easy to be saying over and over, "Mommy just has to send one more email and then we can go build your Lego castle/play outside/have a tea party/etc....". And for some reason, "Do you want to come and help Mommy work (ie, pack up orders) does not have the same appeal as it used too!

They just need more from me now on an emotional level and in a way that for some reason I was not fully prepared for. I am sure there are books out there that tell you all about this stage of parenthood (I swear I have a copy of Playful Parenting around here somewhere!), I just have not read them yet!

So, here I go.  Out of my cocoon of babyhood and into the great butterfly unknown of parenting my NOT-babies-anymore babies!!

My babies on the BIG KID swings!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks :)

Natasha~

Happy Mother's Day!!

It has been a busy Mother's Day weekend around here. But in a good way. I got to spend time with the most important mothers in my life. My mother, my sister and my mother-in-law. My sister and mom and I toured some local greenhouses on Saturday and we had my in-laws over for brunch today.

My family let me have a fabulous 3.5 hour nap today (which probably explains why I am up writing at 12:42 AM!!) we had a great family walk after dinner and Natural Urban Dad and I topped off the day by watching a really nice movie tonight (Love and Other Drugs-I'll have more to say about this film in a later post).  All in all, it was just the perfect weekend.

I do have more that I want to say on the whole "Mother's Day" thing, but for now, and because I really should get to bed, here are a few highlights from my weekend.

I hope you all had a wonderful day doing whatever it is that makes you happy!

Hugs,

Natasha~

P.S. This week-long hiatus from the blog is DONE! Did you miss me??

Been there, done that, got chlamydia!

Is what I wanted to run around telling a whole heck of a lot of young women last night! I was at a club you see, and well....here's what happened.

I have been a regular little social butterfly this week (In Real Life, no less, not just on Twitter)! Last night was my second night out and it was for my girlfriend's stagette.  She wanted to go dancing, so we started our night at another friend's house and then headed to a local "retro" dance club for more partying and to get our groove on!

My usual drink of choice these days is a lovely glass or two of a nice Malbec. Wine was definitely not an option at this particular establishment, so I opted for the next best thing, gin and tonic. Throw in a few rounds of fruity shots for all of us and I for one, was well on my way to tipsy-ville in no time.

As I sat there drinking my second gin and tonic, I started looking around at the female clientele at our chosen destination and that is when I really started feeling, A) my age and B) my mother-yness (is that a word??).

What really hit me as I watched these young women in their uniform du jour, the high-waisted, very short, short skirt and 4 inch heels, was that 20 years ago, had my life been a little bit different (or my birth control luck been a bit worse), any one of these girls could have been my daughter. And as I witnessed them getting more and more drunk, and throwing themselves all over the guys at the club, all I kept wanting to do was run up to each and every one of them and say, "STOP. You are worth so much more than this!" and also, "Seriously chickie, that skirt?? You are leaving NOTHING to the imagination."  I was struck with this overwhelming urge to want to either slap them all up side the head and tell them to smarten-up and also to take them aside and share some of my hard-learned life lessons.

And then I remembered 19 year-old me, and realized that in no way would I have ever listened to an almost 40 year-old woman, no matter how hip and cool and smokin' hot she looked ;), tell me how to live my life! Oh well, girls, at least you live in an era of the Plan B pill and really good antibiotics!

So instead of going around preaching self-love and self-respect to all, I consumed even more gin and tonic and fruity shots of liquor.

And then I started noticing the men at this club. Or more appropriately.....the complete lack there-of.

They too has their uniforms. Invariably it was jeans and a t-shirt and either some version of the Beiber, a faux-hawk or a lop-sided toque on their heads. And they too seem to have some issues with respect. Not necessarily the self kind, more like the kind a REAL man should have for a woman.

A few lovely examples for you...

• I saw a complete poser in a cowboy hat walk right up to a cocktail waitress and grab her skirt and yank it up over her ass!
• Our group of 6 got kicked out of our seats for three 20-something guys who had a 'reservation' and had what I now know is called Table Service. A minimum of $500.00 and your own personal serving wench. Too much money and not enough brains if you ask me!
• And to top off the night, as I was giving the bride-to-be a hug goodnight and was about to get into my cab, two guys jumped into it from the other side! And left me, a lone woman to go find another one. WTF??? Is there NO chivalry or even common decency at all in this Generation Z?

Thus ended my night out clubbing. I realize that I am making some big generalizations about these kids and yes, I was somewhat intoxicated myself, but let me tell you, as I stumbled into my house at 2:00 AM and I peeked into everyone's rooms and saw my little family's beautiful sleeping faces, I was never so thankful for my life....

.

.

.

.

.

And then they had the nerve to wake me up at 6:00 AM! Argh!!

Slightly hung over,

Natasha~

P.S. I'm probably joking about the whole Chlamydia thing.

Dear Family: Please leave me alone....

....is how I felt this weekend.

Oh, I know, I am a terrible wife, mother, person, blah, blah, blah!

But it has just been one of those weeks.

You know how it is. Everything keeps piling up and up and up. The laundry, the paperwork, the housework, the phone calls and appointments you don't have time to make, the meetings you have to postpone, the house you are trying to build.

Everything in my life felt like it just hit the pooper this week! And I was done. DONE, done!

First of all I get the whole intervention chat LAST weekend. Then we hit some MAJOR snafus and delays with the building of our new house (more on that in a later post). My two-year old fell down the stairs a week and a half ago and just started walking again this past Thursday (I love babywearing people and didn't mind carrying her around, but the whole drama queen thing going along with it was getting on my last nerves). Professionally I feel like I have hit a crossroads and I need to make some decisions, but I don't feel that I have the time to devote to doing that, which leaves me feeling very frustrated and at a stand-still.

And then to top it all off, on Saturday, on our way to IKEA, Natural Urban Dad does his usual passenger seat driver schtick, which mostly involves telling me how to drive, where to drive, when a fucking light turns green and grabbing the god-damn dashboard every time I apply the brakes and I tell you, I just HAD IT!

We of course proceeded to have  the most dumb-ass fight a discussion in the car and parking lot and I instigated the 'DO NOT FUCKING TALK TO ME WHILE I AM DRIVING' rule! And then we continued on with our day and into the evening and night, my family completely oblivious to my frustrations and need for solitude. (Granted I never said anything and they can't read my mind, but still!)

Today, I was very excited. I got to go to work! Which meant a whole FOUR hours away from the lot of them. It was great! I was at the Urban Infant Magazine Red Carpet Launch Party and I was in my element, teaching and showing families how to babywear and use baby carriers, and this always puts me in a good place.

And it was just what I needed. Just enough time for me to have that was about me, and also just enough time for me to miss them just a little bit. Plus there where cupcakes, amazing, little tasty cupcakes from Whimsical Cake Studio!

The laundry still needs doing (hello, I was not here for most of the day), I still have a to-do list that is as long as my hairy lower leg (yes, yes, an appointment for some waxing is on that list!), the house issues are not completely resolved and I still have some big decisions to make about my career.

But whatever, tomorrow is another day and I will attack all of the above with renewed gusto!

Because today, I got a little break from my family and my life and you know what? THAT is not a bad thing to want or to get.

Sincerely and slightly more sane now than I was yesterday,

Natasha~