Two things.
I spent the day in a room full of babies and baby carriers today at a local Babywearing Swap & Shop organized by a friend of mine. I had a bin full of demo carriers left over from my personal babywearing stash, the Natural Urban Mamas store and my babywearing educator days. I took along The Little Lady and we set up our table (she brought two of her doll carriers to sell) for a day of babywearing and de-stashing. This event confirmed a few things for me.
The first, is that I really am done with that phase of my life.
I don't long to hold every baby that comes my way, although I'll gladly do so if you need me to. I don't look at mamas with beautiful blossoming bellies and instinctively touch my own and wonder what it would be like again. Neither my ovaries, nor my boobs, feel any kind of twinge-ing or tingling when I hear a baby coo or cry. And surprisingly, I no longer yearn for the days of wearing my babies anymore - although I am almost 99% sure that my daughter would jump at the chance if I offered.
It's officially official. I am done with babyhood. So much so, that I didn't even wrap a baby on myself today OR take a babywearing selfie!
The second thing that was confirmed for me today, is that I am still really good at two things: educating and selling.
I love the look on a parent's face when I am able to show them how to use a carrier properly and it's like a whole new world has opened up for them. Or when a mama tells me that she has a ring sling, but her baby hates it and then I tweak it just a bit (upright positioning people!) and again that "OMG, I had no idea!" face happens. The best one today was the sweet, 8-week old, baby girl who fell asleep within 10 seconds of being put into a wrap carrier for the first time. That was the easiest $100 bucks I have ever made! Well, except for that one time at... oh, never mind. ;)
Sales has always been something that I am good at. In retail, as a pharmaceutical sales rep, and as an online boutique owner, it's just kind of what I do, and do really well. I catch myself doing it even when I am not making any money at it! Did I ever tell you about that time when we where building our first home and I spent a day at the show home office and sold two houses for our builder? Yup, that happened.
I once attended a brilliant talk by Arlene Dickinson (I highly recommend you go see her speak if you ever get the chance). Arlene talks about how marketing is all about story telling and there is a very good reason that Arlene is as successful as she is, she is a DAMN GOOD story teller! Sales is a bit different though. Selling is about listening to another person's story and asking questions and then finding the right product to fit into that story. Sometimes that product is what you have on your table and sometimes it isn't and you have to send them somewhere else to find what they need. To me, THAT is the sign of a good salesperson. Remember that next time you are shopping and/or trying to sell something.
~~~~~
It's nice to have days that affirm certain aspects of your life for you.
It feels good to not have that nagging feeling of what if following you around and taking your focus away from the currently IS.
It's also nice to have that "I've still got it" feeling too.
Now, I've just got to figure out how to work what I've still got into where I am now in my life...
That's the next challenge.
n~
On motherhood: the ultimate vulnerability.
I had coffee with a friend the other day. A pregnant friend who is in that "second-trimester, starting to feel uncomfortable in her own changing body, slightly grumpy about the restrictions it is placing on her" friend. We are relatively new friends (and yes, we did "meet" via social media), but our stories are quite similar. She could be me seven years ago. A woman in her mid-30's with a burgeoning career, life experiences and accomplishments that she is proud of and someone who is pretty sure of who she is in this world.
And she is afraid.
Afraid of what becoming a mother means.
Afraid of losing herself to this new role in her life.
Afraid of following in the footsteps of the mothers in her life, who became wholly consumed by motherhood and whom she feels lost all of who they were before then.
So I told her what motherhood did for me as a woman.
I told her that becoming a mother has taught me more about being a woman and has opened me up more to the world around me than any other life experience I have ever had.
And then she looked at me with the wide-eyed look of someone whose fears had just been confirmed!
So for my friend, and for everyone else who may have these fears about motherhood and losing themselves in it, I felt the need to explore this more. This is what I have come up with...
~~~~~~~~~~
You can read every "what to expect" pregnancy and new baby book on the library shelves, watch every TLC show about babies and childbirth, listen to all your friends tell you all their tips and tricks for being a new mom, and it won't matter one bit. The minute you have a child, the moment you open your eyes after that last big push, or you finally hold your baby in your arms after a long adoption wait, or you wake up after your c-section to see your baby sleeping cuddled with your partner in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs... you have new eyes.
And they see everything differently.
All of a sudden, everything takes on a slightly different tinge, has a more sweeping scope, uses a different filter.
I was not a "natural urban" anything before I had kids. I was Natasha, and all I really had to worry about was me. Yes, I was married and we were (and are) a great team and we were as inseparable then as we are now, but my life really was primarily about me. My career, my promotions, my wants, my needs, my whims...
When we started planning a family, in that plan was me going back to work after six months, a list of recommended daycares and day homes and a career to get back to ASAP. We decided to start "trying" in earnest after a trip to Tanzania in 2005 and we got pregnant within three months. All was going according to the plan.
Half-way through my second trimester, all the shit hit all the fans!! I had dangerously high blood pressure. I was admitted to hospital within an hour of a routine OB appointment and 24 hours later we were having a discussion of "fetal viability" with a neonatologist.
THIS WAS NOT IN THE PLAN PEOPLE!!
We had to make some big decisions. I had to take a medical leave from work immediately and was kept in hospital for two weeks. After I was finally allowed to go home, our life became about daily Non-Stress Tests (which is a really ironic name for them by the way!), weekly ultrasounds, perinatologist appointments and ultimately full bed-rest. We lived each week holding our breath until after the ultrasound to hear whether or not our baby would have to be delivered then or if he would get another week to grow and develop in utero.
Maybe it was because my "vision" changed earlier than some. Maybe it was because I "saw" my baby every week from 26 weeks until 3 days before his birth through the lens of the ultrasound wand. Maybe because I had to read different kinds of "what to expect" books (ie, what to expect in the NICU, how to care for a premature baby, what long term complications we might encounter, etc...). Whatever the case, from that first moment of panic, nothing in my life was about ME anymore.
And here is the plain truth of it all.
Yes, motherhood is an all-encompassing endeavour and yes, one does become consumed by it, but in my opinion, that is more biology than it is sociology. A human child needs its mother to survive. She provides it with warmth, love, nourishment, protection. Our bodies and the systems within them, adjust to the post-natal state and function perfectly to do all of this. A mother and child will breath in sync while sleeping together, a baby will imprint on the mother's scent and will be primarily soothed by her nearness. The hormones released by both mother and child during breastfeeding, not only serve to perpetuate this amazing feedback loop of supply and demand, they also provide both with a sense of calm and an endorphin rush of happy. In essence the mother and child are really just two parts of one beautiful and biological machine of great complexity. It does no one any good, especially mothers, to fight that part of our nature.
I did not and I do not see this initial all-consuming part of motherhood as a surrendering of one's self. I see it more as an opportunity to explore a deeper part of one's self that has not been readily evident before. Motherhood teaches us the true inventory of our bodies, our minds and our souls. Motherhood made me look very closely at every aspect of my life. From the obvious ones, like getting the safest car seat and making sure I knew how to install it properly and using non-VOC paint when decorating his room, to farther reaching environmental issues like choosing to cloth diaper and researching every product that touched his tiny little body. I was relentless in all of this and I spent hours on parenting forums (remember those days?). I was a sponge for all things mothering. I wanted to be GOOD at this. Really, really, good!
What I discovered through all of this was that in order to be 'good' at it, I had to let go. Let go of plans, of schedules, of ridiculous expectations (both mine and those of others), of doing things a certain way without exception. This was hard for me. I am a creature of habit and I like a certain amount of order in my life. Having children has taught me that sometimes a nap is just as important, if not more so, than a shower some days. It has taught me that what I say and do with my children and to my children is going to have a lasting impact on them and therefore on this world. It has made me so much more aware of global reproductive rights and how much work there is to be done right here in our own back yards, let alone across the globe. It has made me painfully aware of all of the misinformation that exists in our world with regards to both breastfeeding and formula feeding. Motherhood opened me up to the most amazing parenting practice ever - babywearing. And through babywearing, motherhood made me an entrepreneur. Motherhood made me an advocate for women and in turn a voice for many... and yes, it made me an ACTIVIST and a FEMINIST too.
Some would look at my life and say that I have indeed surrendered my former self to motherhood. I mean, look at me, I am a stay-at-home mom, I drive a micro-van, I arrange play-dates and go to yoga while my kids are in school. AND I did some of those "extreme" parenting things too, like extended breastfeeding, elimination communication and co-sleeping. Oh, and I have a blog too! They might as well slap a MOMMY sticker right on my forehead and move on to the next person in line to ask what they "do" for a living. It's got the be way more interesting that motherhood, right?
To these people, I would say look closer. Motherhood has opened my eyes to a world far beyond my front door. Seriously people, giving birth (without drugs to boot!) is an experience that tests you both mentally and physically, and I passed that test. TWICE. There is nothing I can't do now! The world has opened up to me, and not just because of the internet (although it has helped immensely), but because I have let so much more of it in! My children are going to inherit this world after me and I will do my part, however small it may be, to ensure that not only is it a better one for them, but that they in turn will see my example and want to make it an even better world for their children.
You know that iceberg picture that everyone shows at every presentation you have ever been too? (Go here to see the one I am talking about). I think of that image when I reflect on my life. I was the tip of the iceberg before I was a mother. Like my pregnant friend, I had a full life, I had adventures, I had a career, I was proud of what I had accomplished and felt I was a valuable, contributing member of society. Motherhood didn't make me forget about all that, nor do I think that it consumed me. Motherhood just opened up my life to boundless possibilities and to the depths of my mind and my soul that existed below the surface. It has made me grow and has pushed me and made me take risks and venture far out of my confort zone way more than anything else in my life. Motherhood has made me accept my vulnerabilities as a human being and see them not as a weakness of character, but as a path to create more goodness, more beauty and more LOVE in my world.
In a nutshell (and 1700 words later-Ha!), motherhood was the beginning of my legacy. I have actually birthed three babies that will live on after me and carry a part of me with them always and forever. My son with his thirst for knowledge and attention to detail, my daughter with her quirky sense of humour and love of all living things, and finally my writing. My story... their story...
My evolution as a mother
and as a woman.
Both sides of the same coin.
And as I have learned, it serves no one to fear or resist either one!
natasha~
The ultimate {according to me} babywearing resource post. (with links)
It has been a while since I wrote anything about babywearing. To be honest, I really miss picking out a carrier for the day and wearing one of my babies. The problem is that at 6 and 4.5 years old, they really are not babies anymore. The tables have turned and they are the ones doing any kind of baby doll/stuffie/dinosaur wearing around here lately, and to this I say, Huzzah!! My work here is done! I have spawned a new generation of babywearers! And since I am no longer in the business of selling baby carriers, I thought I would pull together some of my favourite and most trusted babywearing resources, retailers and information. All for you to bookmark for future reference, to forward to your expecting friends, and to peruse at your leisure. Please know that none of this post is sponsored in any way and all of the information I am posting here is purely what I think is the best out there and these are my opinions and my favourites for reasons of quality, content, common sense and customer service.
I'll get the ball rolling with my own two very popular posts that cover a lot about what babywearing is and the myths that surround this wonderful parenting practice.
In Babywearing Myths and Misconceptions: Part 1, I debunk the myths about babies "not liking the Snugli", being to big to be worn in a carrier and babywearing creating "clingy" babies. In Babywearing Myths and Misconceptions: Part 2, I talk about safety and babywearing and how we are all turning into barefoot hippies! You can find all of my other babywearing posts here, including reviews of baby carriers, my views on FFO (front facing out) and other lovely tidbits from my babywearing days.
There are two babywearing manufacturers in particular whom I think are doing an incredible job not only with the design of their babycarriers, but also with the caliber of research and information that they share on their blogs, websites and via social media.
Onyababy has some incredible articles that you can access HERE. And you can read my review of the Onyababy carrier here.
The Boba website has an incredible series of research articles on their site that are my go to references for a lot of facts about babywearing and the incredible health benefits that it has for all babies (and care-givers too!). And yes, I did review a Boba 3G carrier too.
Videos. Tutorials. How EXACTLY do I get this baby ON me?
I get these questions a lot and a general search for babywearing on Youtube can get pretty confusing if you don't know exactly what you should be looking for. Don't fret mamas, I have a couple of suggestions for where to start.
My friend Erin at Cosy Baby Happy Mommy has a pretty extensive babywearing tutorial video library on her Youtube channel and with a lot of practice, you'll get it, I promise. I also really like the videos from Je Porte Mon Bebe (JPMBB). Although most of them are in French, you should be able to find the English versions or get the gist of them, and also the videos from Beth at Babyette Boutique are great for that ever elusive proper ring sling fit!
Now, since you can't actually buy anything from me anymore, where do you go to purchase your new baby carrier?
While I do think it is important to try out a few carriers if you can before you purchase one, I would like to give you a list of my favourite retailers (online and brick and mortar stores).
Tadpoles and Butterflies is a Canadian online retailer and probably has the most extensive selection of baby carriers you can find. These mamas have been doing babywearing for A LONG time and will be able to help most anyone find a carrier that works for them.
PAXbaby in the USA is a veritable online babywearing superstore and carries a wide array of amazing baby carriers to fit every taste and budget. They even have a rental program so you can try before you buy.
For those of you who are local to the Edmonton area, I highly recommend Birth Source Inc. as a starting place for your babywearing journey. The wonderful staff there are all experienced babywearers and will set you up with the right carrier for you and your baby.
I know that this is a lot of links and information, but I wanted to put it all in one place for you to have as a reference point.
And just remember, babywearing is not about having the newest, most expensive or most sought after print in this carrier or that wrap. It is about carrying your baby close to you, giving it the love and nurturing it needs and helping you get on with your day. Babywearing is about making things a bit easier for you and giving you a sense of security and confidence in your parenting as well.
Now, go forth and babywear my little grasshoppers!
All my {babywearing}love,
Natasha~
A year of endings.
Since everyone else is doing it, I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon too. You guessed it, this is my "Year in Review" and also my Birthday post rolled into one.
Oh, don't worry, I wont recant all of my previous posts from this past year for you, that's what that handy dandy "Archives" button is for over there to your right and part way down the page. Click on it, choose a month and peruse at your leisure, I promise you, some of those posts were really, really good!
If we back up 365 days, turning 40 on this day last year was not as traumatic as I expected. I was with the three people I love the most in the world. I was spoiled with everything I asked for and more and it was a beautiful sunny winter day. It was perfection.
I had also made up my mind at that point to make some drastic changes in my world and all was well in my mind and in my heart with regards to my decisions. I did not make resolutions for 2012, I made choices that I needed to to be happy, healthy and present in my life and for my family.
Before I go one though, a word on 40th Birthdays.
They are a BIG deal. They should be celebrated with all due largesse and magnanimity. AND, in my opinion, that celebration should not just be for one day. I took some inspiration from a fellow blogger, Julie Harrison, and her #MonthofMe 40th Birthday celebration, and decided to stretch out my 40th birthday ALL YEAR LONG! My sweet husband indulged my desires (and my cheeziness) and surprised me on the 1st of every month in 2012 with a silly, yet totally AWESOME card and a small gift. Some months it was a night out to one of my favourite restaurants, one month a cool new camera lens for my iPhone, and another month it was the full Hunger Games series. Little things that he knew I wanted and that let me know that he actually does listen to me! It was fantastic and something I highly recommend you tell all your significant others about for your 40th birthdays (Just tell them Natasha said it is a thing, so they have to do it!).
{My dear husband also understood my trepidation with this rather BIG number and found a nice way to ease my transition into my fifth decade on this earth!}
What stuck me the most in the last few days of 2012, (and trust me, I had a lot of time to think about this as I was sitting here suffering from the zombie flu and blowing chunks of my brains out through my nostrils) is that I started out thinking that 40 was going to be a year of new beginnings for me. What it was, in so many ways, was in fact, a year of endings.
In February, I ended my foray into the online world of e-commerce with the closing of Natural Urban Mamas, the store. I've talked and blogged about this decision ad nauseum already, but just like a good party, it's always best to leave while you are still enjoying the night, and before you'll regret anything in the morning. I loved what I did with my business. I loved all of the mamas and babies and families that I helped. I have no regrets. It was a good party.
In April, as a family, we ended our time in our first home. A home that we designed and built for our growing family. One that bore the scratches and scuff marks of our puppy and our baby boy and then his little sister. The house that both our kids took their first steps in and the house where we celebrated our first family Christmas. The house that hosted many dinners with family and friends, birthday parties, massive playdates, mother blessings and kiddie pool parties alike. It was a good house. A home that we will remember fondly and forever.
Spring and summer were spent moving into our new home and finishing up all the bits and pieces that go along with that. Furnishing, decorating, landscaping, and getting to know our new neighbours and neighbourhood. Its been a big year and after building three houses in less than 10 years, I can most definitely say that we are finally done. Done, done, DONE! I could not ask for more in a home and to be honest, don't have it in me to move or build EVER AGAIN! This home is the END to our construction bug! (Someone please be sure to remind either myself or my husband of this if ever our eyes or minds start to wander!)
My babies have grown so much this past year. Little C is not so little anymore and is so independent. He gives me a swift kiss and takes off to play with his buddies when I drop him off for kindergarten every day. And my shy little girl has come out of her shell and is a regular chip of the ol' block, kooky personality and all! And without even knowing it or realizing that it happened, our days of regular babywearing slowly came to an end this year. With riding bikes and running like the wind and wanting to do everything on their own, we just didn't have the time or, as much as it pains me to say, the need for it anymore. The last time I got to wear L, my lovely friend Kyla came by and snapped a few shots of us and I am forever grateful that she captured these last beautiful babywearing moments. And while my days of wearing my own babies may be at an end, my arms are always open and my baby carriers always available to snuggle any and all babies that come my way!
Photo courtesy of Feschuk Photography
2012 was quite the banner year for breastfeeding. It was in the news, A LOT. From Facebook's continued witch hunt for and discrimination against mother's breastfeeding photos, to Jamie Grumet's cover shot on TIME Magazine, to celebrities talking about it and taking and posting their own beautiful photos. And in our house too, it was still a regular occurrence. Unlike her brother, who stopped at age three, L showed no desire to be done breastfeeding and so we kept going. I think that the concept of this part of our relationship being done was difficult for both of us and through lots of cuddles and discussions, my little girl and I came to the decision that we would stop on her fourth birthday in October.
Well. October came and we tried to stop and some days we nursed and others we did not. It went on like that for a while longer and then this past month, we are just... done. Another beautiful ending that came of its own accord and on its own time. She doesn't ask to nurse anymore, but does want to cuddle with 'her boobies' every now and then. I thought I would be a lot more sad about this ending than any of the others in my parenting journey, but I am not. I feel like I gave both my children all that they needed in this regard and I respected their needs and my own. Two children and six years is a lot to ask of my breasts, but they did their job and did it well. I am proud of myself, proud of my children and yes, I'll say it, proud of my "girls" too!
{You gotta love when they play with your 'waddle' while nursing!}
So you see. It really has been a year of endings.
The final ending of course being the chapter that is/was NaturalUrbanMamas.com, and you can read all about that in my previous post.
I saw a post and picture on Facebook today that said, "Chapter 2013, Page 1 of 365."
For me this is Chapter 41, Page 1 of 365. Many of those pages will get published here and some will not, but this year....
This is the one that will be all about new beginnings.
Happy 2013 Everyone!
Big Birthday Love and Kisses for all of you,
Natasha~
Winter {babywearing} is coming...
I woke up to two very excited children earlier this week Why you ask?
Because...
"MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, IT'S SNOWING!!!"
And sure enough, it was October 10th, 2012 and big sticky snowflakes were blanketing our yard! {Too soon, Mother Nature, too soon!}
With chillier weather on the way, the most common babywearing question I get is, "How do I continue to wear my baby in the winter months and keep us both warm and toasty?"
The wonderful news is that with babywearing becoming more and more a part of every family's parenting arsenal, babywearing manufacturers are picking up on the fact that there is a need for products that work in all kinds of weather.
So, without further ado, here are some great outerwear options for your cold weather babywearing needs.
Carrier Covers.
These are simply covers that you can put over both the baby and the carrier to provide an extra layer of warmth to your little bundle.
There are quite a few different brands that make them and they are a good option when your main concern is protecting your baby (and your pretty carrier) from the elements. Most of these are meant for use with front carriers and snap on or use Velcro to attach to the straps of your carrier.
Of all the carrier covers out there, I think the one that makes the most sense and is perhaps the most versatile is the Kowalli. The one arm-hole "toga" design and simple drawstring closures at top and bottom make it a very easy cover to use with pretty much any carrier. And I like that it is just as easy to use it when you are carrying baby on your tummy or on your back.
The Kowalli is made in the USA of weather-treated Polartec fleece, repels rain and snow, is weather rated to -10 Degrees Celsius and retails for around $70-75.00.
Babywearing Ponchos
Another great option to cover up both you and baby is a babywearing poncho. This was my favourite way to keep my babies and I all warm and cozy without too much extra bulk. Babywearing ponchos come in all shapes and sizes as well, from the 100% virgin wool Mamaponcho, to an easy no-sew DIY version. For practicality and ease of use I prefer one that wraps around both mama and baby versus one that has two head holes and that you have to wrangle both of you into. You can find some great options for babywearing ponchos from Babyette or from our own local Cosy Baby Happy Mommy.
{I can't be sure, but I think she may be trying to give me the finger!}
Babywearing Jackets and Vests
Still one of the most popular outerwear or layering pieces for babywearing is the Peekaru Vest. This soft Polartec fleece vest slips easily over any kind of baby carrier and keeps everyone cozy and warm. It comes in a variety of colours and sizes for both men and women and can be worn for front and back wearing as well.
{I look so much like my mother in this picture, it is totally freaking me out!}
If you want to go all out with wearing your baby in the winter, there are a few different options for full babywearing jackets. I personally have never owned one, but I know lots of people who have and they love them. In my opinion, the key points to think about when looking for a babywearing jacket are; A) Is it a jacket that you can wear when you are NOT babywearing, B) Is it something that is easy to get into and out of by yourself, C) Can you use it for front and back babywearing, and of course, D) Cost.
At the top of the price range you will find the fabulous {before, during and after} M Coat and the equally wonderful MAMAPARKA from Moa Po. Both of these are Canadian-made, so you know that they will be able to handle even the coldest of days. They do come with a higher price tag, but the versatility of these jackets makes it worth it for some. The M Coat comes in at $385.00 and the Mama Parka is around $425.00. You can also check out this link to one of my favourite retailers for other babywearing jacket options as well.
{The MAMAPARKA from Moa Po. Made in Montreal, Canada}
For those who are looking for a more traditional babywearing jacket, an Amauti is a beautiful option. The Amauti is the cultural and intellectual property of the Inuit people and therefore no pattern is commercially available and you will not (usually) find one in any stores. If you are lucky enough to know or find an Inuit seamstress you may be able to have one custom made for you. The Amauti is different than the other babywearing jackets in that it is both your jacket AND your baby carrier all in one. The back of the jacket is actually a pouch and your child (up to about age 3) fits right into it and is secured into place by colourful straps on the outside of the jacket. If I could go back and do it all again, and given that I had two winter-born babies, I would totally invest in one of these (and truth-be-told, probably a Mama Parka too).
{My friend, and local Doula/IBCLC, Pam Davey, being worn by her mama in an Amauti, circa 1975.}
One last thing...
Babywearing outerwear aside, I would also like to take a minute and mention briefly what both you and baby should wear beneath your baby carrier. Your carrier itself is providing both you and baby with at least one layer of coverage and you will both be sharing your body warmth, so the main concern is making sure that neither one of you is overheating, overdressed or in something that is too bulky. Layers are best for both of you, and investing in a good fleece baby bunting suite (like these ones from MEC) is the perfect outerwear not only for babywearing, but also for keeping baby warm, yet not too bulky in the car seat. Use baby leg warmers to keep little arms and legs warm and feel free to throw a pair on your arms too for an extra layer of warmth.
Now, off with you all!
Winter is coming...
Suit up Mamas!
Happy {Winter} Babywearing!
Natasha~
Babywearing: Why I don't DO "FFO".
Twice this past week the debate about wearing your baby in a front or forward-facing-out (FFO) position has come up in two separate babywearing Facebook groups that I belong to. I have weighed in on both of these discussions and felt that since it was coming up so much within these groups, that I should share this information and my thoughts on the whole topic with everyone! In case you are wondering what FFO is or what it looks like. This is what I am talking about. A baby being worn on your front, facing out and often is a stretchy wrap carrier or some version of a Baby Bjorn type carrier.
I have several opinions on this matter and I want to start with just that. What I am about to post here is MY OPINION. It is based on my experience as a babywearer and babywearing educator. It is based on what I know and what I have been taught about basic newborn, infant and adult physiology and it is what I BELIEVE are best practices when it comes to babywearing. Some will disagree with me and say that because there is no hard and fast peer-reviewed research and evidence stating one thing or another, that we can not say what are or are not best practices in this situation. To those people, I will respectfully agree to disagree and have to go with my gut on this one!
I do not believe that carrying or wearing your baby in a front/forward facing out (FFO) position is a babywearing best practice for the following reasons:
1. HIPS!
Ok, I may be a bit over sensitive about hips in general, given that I have had not one, not two, but three hips surgeries, but this is important! When babies are born their hips are not fully ossified and the outer edges of the hip sockets are made of soft cartilage, much like the cartilage of your ears. According the the International Hip Dysplasia Institute,
"If the hips are forced into a stretched-out position too early, the ball is at risk of permanently deforming the edges of the cup-shaped socket (hip dysplasia) or gradually slipping out of the socket altogether (hip dislocation). Hip dysplasia or dislocation in babies is not painful so this may go undetected until walking age and may also result in painful arthritis during adulthood."
Most forward facing carries and carriers do not support a baby hips and do indeed have them 'dangling' in a legs-stretched out position. And while this may not seem like a big deal for the 20-30 minutes one can actually withstand this carrying position before your back and shoulders give out (more on that later), doing this for extended periods of time and over time can potentially cause harm.
Now you are saying to yourself, but Natasha, Baby Bjorns have been around FOREVER, they can't be that bad for babies. And I will chalk this one up to one of those "when we know better, we do better" kind of situations. And you are right, they may not be necessarily BAD for babies, but there are so many other carriers that are BETTER!
2. It's not always ALL about the baby.
At no other time in your life will your pelvic floor be as weak as it is than after you have a baby. And just like any other muscle group, it needs work to strengthen it again postpartum to avoid the nasty effects of a weakened pelvic floor, you know, like...incontinence or worse...prolapse!
When you are wearing a baby in a FFO position, the weight of the baby tends to pull away from your body. This make you want to adjust your posture and lean back a bit to compensate for this. What happens next is that this position automatically makes you tilt your pelvis in a way that exerts direct pressure onto your {already weakened} pelvic floor. Not only this, but your now adjusted posture also puts a fair bit of pressure on your back, shoulders and hips and really, it is no wonder that you don't want to do this for very long!
Using a baby carrier or carrying your baby in a position that keeps them closer to you and in a tummy-to-tummy position (or on the hip or back in similar position) keeps your centre of gravity, well... in the centre and allows you to have better posture and keep excess pressure off your pelvic floor.
3. We are two pieces of an amazing little puzzle.
Think about this for a minute. We are women. We have breasts and bellies and curves and somehow, no matter what shape or size we are, right down the centre of us is this spot that is the exact square footage needed to fit a baby. Their tiny heads rest on our breastbone and listen to our hearts beating. Their arms and legs curl up and they try to regain the flexed position of warmth and security that reminds them of being in the womb. When you pick up a baby, they automatically pull up their legs into a nice fetal tuck. They are naturally adapted to being carried and just like a squishy little puzzle piece, they are looking to be placed right onto their special spot on your body!
Placing a baby in a FFO position is like trying to put a piece of the puzzle together, but one of the pieces is backwards!
4. Sometimes it is all just TOO MUCH!
Think about walking through a busy mall.
People walking towards you and past you on all sides. Fountains and piped-in music and vendors and snippets of people's conversations all around. I don't know about you, but even for me a trip to the mall can be overwhelming. Now pretend you are a tiny little baby in a FFO carrier trying to take all this in? It can be a lot for their little minds to process. I often see babies in FFO carriers exhibiting signs of stress and/or overstimulation. This can include balled fists, kicking legs or arms, lots of verbalization and straining to see/turn around to Mama or Daddy.
Babies need to feel secure and safe, especially in new or loud surroundings and often in a FFO position, they simply do not get that.
5. We don't want to lose them.
No, not the babies, the Mamas!
Most mainstream forward-facing carriers do not provide the wearer with proper support for their backs or shoulders. I see a lot of mamas wearing Baby Bjorns or Snuglis or even stretchy wraps with babies that are WAY too big for their carrier and every one of these mamas will tell me that their backs are killing them. I truly believe that these kinds of carriers and carries do more harm to babywearing as a whole than good. I have heard far too many times from mamas who feel that their 5 or 6 month old babies are "too big for babywearing" because they have used a carrier that causes them discomfort or they have not been educated about their options in the babywearing world.
This is a big part of why I am a babywearing advocate and educator. I feel very strongly that babywearing and all the incredible health and wellness benefits that go along with it need to be incorporated on a larger (public health?) scale into prenatal education. It is why I am so honoured to be part of great local prenatal programs like this one and beyond thrilled to see more and more soon-to-be-mamas attending workshops or requesting private consultations.
AND finally, if you look to nature and the way that all other primates carry their babies, you will never see an ape/orangutan/chimpanzee or any other monkey carrying their young in a FFO position!
Babies just FIT onto us tummy-to-tummy (or on our backs). It is why we are built the way we are and why they are born the way they are. Why fight nature?
Happy Babywearing Everyone!
Natasha~
Attachment Parenting... Not as 'fringe' as you may think.
Kooky. Fringe. Unhealthy. Enslaving. Controversial. These are just a few of the terms I have heard this week to describe Attachment Parenting.
All of this in the wake of Mayim Bialik's new book, "Beyond the Sling: A real life guide to raising confident, loving children the Attachment Parenting way." being released.
Mayim tackles and explores the many aspects of attachment parenting in her book, including babywearing, baby-led weaning, elimination communication and co-sleeping.
I went to Chapter's earlier this week to see if I could get my hands on the book, but they had not received their shipment yet. :(
I am really looking forward to reading this book. I think that Mayim has a lot to offer the parenting world and not just the 'kooky' attachment parenting world. I mean, the woman does have a PhD in neuroscience and did her thesis on the properties of human attachment, outside of her own experiences as a parent, I think this gives her some definite cred in this regard.
What is getting me all hot and bothered about this though is that all the conversations, articles and interviews on this topic are treating these attachment parenting options as some kind of weird and crazy way to parent. Words like DIVISIVE and UNHEALTHY are being bandied around and people seem to be of the opinion that in attachment parenting, we are literally ATTACHED to our kids at all times.
I think what I have decided this week is that I really dislike the terminology being used here. If the attachment parenting style is a fringe style of parenting is the opposite of it, the so-called mainstream style, then DE-tached parenting? If you do not see yourself at an AP parent, would you want this detached moniker be the one that describes you and the way that you parent? I know I sure wouldn't, the implications just seem way too severe. As I believe they are at the other extreme too.
Because seriously mamas, how many of you have NEVER, EVER, slept with your child? If you have, guess what? You were co-sleeping! Anyone ever carry your baby in ANY kind of baby carrier? Baby Bjorn, Snugli, frame backpack, sling? That's right, you were babywearing! How many of you tell me or tell others that your baby decided he just didn't want to nurse anymore at 8 months or 10 months or 14 months? That kind of sounds like baby-led weaning to me, but I am no expert.
Now I completely understand that some things in the attachment parenting continuum may seem extreme to some, but in the grand scheme of things, maybe not so much. The resurgence of cloth diapering and subsequently elimination communication (babies peeing and pooping on a potty with the help of mommy/daddy) is not just for the 'hippies' anymore. Plenty of "mainstream" mamas are looking at cloth as a better alternative not only for their babies bottoms, but also for the environment. And to be perfectly frank, the leap from cloth diapering to EC is not that big a jump. And trust me, it can be a lot easier to get a 9 month old to sit still on the potty than to convince a kid after three years of pooping in one place to all of a sudden start doing so in another!
Breastfeeding is a whole other beast of a topic on its own, but the more we learn about breast milk and yes, formula too, the more information we have to make the decision that is right for our family and ourselves.
I am in no way telling you that AP is the way to go and that "my" way is the right way here. I mean really, this IS parenting after all and we all have to find a way to do it, enjoy it and yes, even survive it some days! But, what I do want to say is this. Parenting (or heck, LIFE for that matter) cannot be accomplished by trying to fit in a box of someone else's choosing. And parents, mamas especially, you really shouldn't live your lives being defined by how you do or do not do things or feel ashamed of any of your choices.
I mean if Beyonce can babywear and breastfeed Baby Blue (in public no less) and one of the queens of the blogosphere, the wonderful Pioneer Woman herself, is a homeschooler, the principles of attachment parenting can't really be all that 'fringe'. Can they?
Don't be the mama whose "secret" weapon to getting her kid to sleep is actually co-sleeping. Just do what you have to do. So what if you have a baby who needs to be held constantly? Find a good comfortable baby carrier and carry and hold your baby and do what you need to do to keep both of you happy (and NO, you will not spoil your baby). So you want to try out cloth diapering but still use disposable diapers some of the time, go right ahead! There is no need to feel ashamed of your choices and there is no need to EXPLAIN any of them to anyone.
A smile and a 'thank you for your opinion', a la Mayim will suffice and then you can go on your merry parenting way.
The best way that you see fit for you and your family!
Much Mama Love to all of you,
Natasha~
P.S. I promise a full review of Mayim's book, "Beyond the Sling", as soon as I get my kookie AP hands on it!
full circle
This week is a bittersweet one for me. Sunday night at midnight I closed the Natural Urban Mamas online boutique.
It was a decision that was a long time coming and one that was and is the right thing for me to do for myself and for my family.
But that is not what I want to write about today. Today I want to tell you about this journey, this chapter in my life and what it has meant to me.
In the summer of 2007, I was a new mama with a six month old (adjusted premature age) baby boy and I was struggling.
He was SO tiny and I was so new to this. I kind of knew what I wanted to do and what I needed to do as a parent, but I had no idea where to go for advice and support from like-minded mamas. Yes, I belonged to a new moms group through my public health unit and I did connect with a few of the mamas there (and I am glad to say that we are still friends 5 years later), but there was a part of me that didn't quite fit in and I didn't know why that was.
I started cloth diapering on a whim one day (I called a diaper service and had them start me the next day) and all of a sudden I needed a lot more diapering supplies than what I had on hand. So I headed out to the only baby store that I knew of that catered to cloth diapering mamas. And a funny thing happened. I found a sanctuary of sorts at this tiny little hole in the wall shop. And I started going there often. To shop, to hang out, to just talk to another person who could answer my questions and in a somewhat odd way nurture the budding natural mama in me. I would stop there when Little C and I where out and about to breastfeed him in the owner's old rocker in the back room and hang out for a while (sometimes a LONG while).
And it was at this shop that I met the first of many women who have changed my life. She was the store manager at the time and her son was 6 months older than mine. We bonded over some pretty weird coincidences. Our kids names were one letter away from being exactly the same. Her son was also a preemie. And for some reason she just seemed to get me. She was the one who invited me to my first La Leche League meeting. She introduced me to an amazing group of attachment parenting mamas, and a world of parenting possibilities that I had only read about before (The Dr. Sears Baby Book was my bible during and after my pregnancy).
It wasn't long before I started working part-time at said baby store (often with a baby on my back). It was there that I became somewhat of a cloth diapering expert. And I become way more proficient and knowledgeable about babywearing too. Mamas started coming to the store and asking ME for advice! Which kind of reminded me of that time in my Calculus 101 class at university when everyone was cheating off of me during midterms, even though I was the only one in class with no Math 31 skills to back me up! (If you have ever met me, you will know that Math is SO not my strong suit!)
With working at the store, attending my monthly LLL meetings and hanging out with my new group of crunchy friends, an amazing thing happened. I started to truly find my mama groove.
In December of 2008 after looking at my very long list of bookmarked parenting sites and natural products that I had on my computer, I had a stroke of brilliance. I approached my friend and asked her if she wanted to start a website with me. It was something we had kind of tossed around in the past, but this time I was serious. And so was she.
The original vision that we had for Natural Urban Mamas was that of a 'Mama Hub'. A central place on the internet that mamas could go to for information, support, and recommendations for products that we loved. And then even before our site went live, our vision grew to include our little Natural Urban Marketplace with natural parenting products that we just couldn't find anywhere else.
We started doing small trade shows and local events. I remember our first event, it was Earth day at Hawrelak Park, in April and it was -20 degrees Celsius that day. We toughed it out for 6 hours with my partners six month old strapped in a baby carrier and wrapped in a warm fleece babywearing poncho on one or the other of us the whole time! The Mayor even stopped by to check us out!
The Natural Urban Mamas Version 1.0 website had a LOT of information in it. Lists of the best places to shop for mama and baby in and around Edmonton, all the La Leche League meeting times, info on lactation consultants (that was a small list, and unfortunately still is), and contact info for every doula and midwife we could find!
And slowly but surely, our list of hard to find and unique products grew as well. We were the first store in Edmonton (online or otherwise) to carry baltic amber teething necklaces, we had the amazing Wisey Playmat Bag that is just plain brilliant if you ask me. We sourced out some pretty unique baby carriers as well, and helped popularize the awesome Canadian-made Pipa Pack soft-structured baby carrier! We found Annie Marie Padorie (AMP) cloth diapers and instantly fell in love, sold off all our own personal diaper stashes in favor of these amazing diapers and refused to carry anything else!
We started to get some press as well. Natural Urban Mamas has been featured on the cover of our local Edmonton 24 hours magazine a grand total of 3 times and in the Edmonton Sun and Journal as well. We were getting busy and noticed and it was starting to be a lot of work. But work that my partner and I loved and work that did not take us away from our families.
We hosted Natural Urban Mamas Park Days {holla, if you attended one of these early gatherings!} and would have big play dates at local playgrounds in and around the city. We would talk about all things cloth diapering and babywearing and breastfeeding and it was wonderful. We were doing what we wanted to do. Creating a community for open sharing, for learning and yes, for growing our budding small business.
All seemed to be going so well...
And then in October of 2009, something changed. I think it was primarily for me that things changed. I started to feel like the division of labour between my partner and I was not equal. We had originally incorporated Natural Urban Mamas Inc. as 50/50 shareholders. And in hindsight, and after reading MUCH about being in business with partners, I now realize that this was our first and perhaps our fatal mistake. There may be exceptions out there, but in general, in business someone always has to be 'the boss'. The one with the final decision-making power. The chair{wo}man of the board so to speak.
I don't want to bore you with all the legal details of all of this, let's just say that I wanted a 51/49 split and she did not. Neither of us would budge and in the end I ended up buying her out of her shares in Natural Urban Mamas. We tried to salvage our friendship afterwards, but it was never the same. We both went our separate ways and continued on our paths and I have always wished her the best for herself and her family.
In February of 2010 it became official and I was now the sole owner and Chief Executive Mama of Natural Urban Mamas Inc. I had our logo redesigned to reflect the change and started the process of upgrading the website to Natural Urban Mamas Version 2.0. By this time it had become a full-blown specialty online babywearing boutique and I was continuing to find amazing North American small mama-run businesses and manufacturers to support and bring to market.
It was also around this time that I started to meet some other strong, amazing women and would like to give them a shout out for helping make me and Natural Urban Mamas the success that it is.
To Connie Peters, the founder of Modern Mama. Thank you for including me in your first Pregnancy Awareness Month event and opening doors for me to meet so many others! And a HUMONGOUS thank you for dragging me to my first Tweet-up, where I met the likes of Erica Ehm, Tanis Miller and Tamara Plant just to name a few!
It was because of that brunch with Erica that I got to go to Toronto in June of 2010 and film a babywearing segment for YummyMummyClub.ca. And it was because of Connie that I really took notice of my twitter account and the possibilities that this social media platform presented for me!
To Carol McBee, the president and founder of Mommy Connections and the Bossy Mama network. Thank you for having me as part of your initial Mommy Connections groups. Getting to meet so many new mamas and introduce them to the world of babywearing was and is the driving force behind all that I do. You gave me a willing and open audience to educate and engage and I can never thank you enough for that.
It was also at a Bossy Mama event, that I once again got to hang out with the infamous Redneck Mommy, the one and only Tanis Miller. And on the other side of her sat this smart, sassy, and fast as lightning tweeter, one Jennifer Banks. You might know her better as @jenbanksYEG. Jen took pity on me and my lack of SEO knowledge and decided to make my little website her pet project. I can not ever thank her enough for all that she has taught me about the interwebs and done for me and I am so incredibly glad to now call her a dear, dear friend.
To Tamara Plant, the woman behind MOM Magazine and the new You Are Fierce website. We may not always see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I give credit where credit is due and it was you who first referred to me as a Lipstick Crunchy Mama. Little did I know at the time how much I would end up identifying with these words and I now carry them with me as a badge of honour and I am proud to call myself thus. Thank you for that.
To Erin Heard, the creative genius and super mama behind the Cosy Baby Happy Mommy baby carrier brand. We first met at the 2010 Mom, Pop and Tots show in Edmonton, me doing my first BIG trade show as a solo-preneur and you with a 2 week old baby R snuggled in a CBHM stretchy wrap. Who would have thought that two 'competing' babywearing businesses could have forged such an amazing synergistic relationship over the last few years. I appreciate so much about you. Your giving spirit, your incredible creativity and talent and your amazing ability to pull it all off with your three beautiful girls in tow! I look forward to many more years of great collaborations and friendship!
Seriously people, this list could go on and on and on and on and... let's just say that I know some pretty darn amazing people. Most of whom I call friends.
Running Natural Urban Mamas and becoming THE Natural Urban Mama has been the best 'career change' I have had to date. Being an entrepreneur has taught me so much. About business, about life, and most importantly about myself. Without it I wouldn't have found my writing 'voice' and discovered this passion within myself. I wouldn't have gotten to meet so many of my customers over the years and snuggled all their beautiful babies and shared my love of babywearing with them. I wouldn't have travelled to my first big blogging conference and met even more amazing women and truly discovered what I want for my future and the future of Natural Urban Mamas.
So here is the deal Mamas.
THIS is what I want. I want to write. I want to share. I want to educate and inform and advocate for the things that I believe in. I want to make you laugh and cry and know that you are ALL wonderful and amazing women and mothers. I want what my partner and I had first dreamt of years ago. A hub, a gathering place, a wonderful site to go to for information, resources, advice, to commiserate and yes, even to laugh (even if it is at me!).
This is the NEW Natural Urban Mamas blog. It is still a bit of a work in progress as I get everything sorted out and added, but this is my new home on the interwebs! I hope you like it. I hope you will stay awhile, subscribe, visit me on Twitter and Facebook, PIN things you like and recommend the site to your friends. The information lists will be up soon for local doulas, midwives and lactation support, as well as my top recommended places to shop (online and IRL) for babywearing gear and cloth diapering supplies.
Have a peek around and let me know if you have any suggestions for improvement.
Welcome to my new virtual Natural Urban Home... (the real Natural Urban Home is still about 6 weeks away from being done!)
... make yourselves comfy!
Much Love,
Natasha~
P.S. Even though the store is now closed, I am still available for group and private babywearing consultations and will continue to work as a Professional Babywearing Consultant for groups and retailers. More details on this will be forthcoming, but in the meantime, if you need my services please feel free to contact me at natasha{at}naturalurbanmamas{dot}com.