Cookies before dinner.

You tell yourself you are just going to try it. To see what all the fuss is about. I mean its free, right? So there is no harm done there and besides, all your friends are trying it too.

It's pretty fun actually. You have a good time, play some silly vampire vs werewolf games, find out your stripper name, poke some people, catch up with old friends and even find some new ones.

You start doing it more and more. You start adding pictures of your life. What you made for dinner, what you did that day, funny shots of the kids. You like more of your friend's stuff and your 'friends' like your stuff too. Soon you are sharing all kinds of things with all of these friends. Things that you like and things that you think they will like too. And they do, they really, really like YOU and all your things!

This all starts to feel really good. Whenever you share a picture or a status or a post, it gets liked and then YOU feel good and popular and LIKED. And repeat

and repeat

and repeat.

.

.

.

.

And then one day, somewhere between a healthy dose of keeping in touch with friends, obsessive ranting about EVERYTHING, and scrolling through your timeline to like as much as you can and see how many likes you have that day, it somehow becomes more important to constantly update your Facebook status and check on all your "friends", than it is to actually spend time with the real live people in your life.

.

.

.

This is your wake up call....

for you and your kids!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This past weekend I attended a lecture by Dr. Gordon Neufeld on Raising Children in a Digital World. My friend Nancy has been bugging me for years to go to one of his talks and I finally listened to her.

Dr. Neufeld is a clinical psychologist  and the author of the wonderful parenting book, Hold On to Your Kids. If this book is not in your possession yet, then I highly recommend it (just maybe wait for the updated edition coming out this summer). Dr. Neufeld's research and field of study is that of human attachment and how this affects development in our children. His book is all about why parents need to matter to our kids more so than their peers and his theories and practical application of them is even more relevant in the bright lights of the digital revolution than ever before.

Dr. Neufeld started his talk with a quote from Marshal McCluhan, who said that for every tool of the media that extends our reach (and I guess that would include social media these days), there is an equal and proportional amputation of something else.

What I learned at Dr. Neufeld's talk is that we, the parents of all of these "digital native" kids, are quite possibly that "something else" at risk of being amputated from our kids lives!

In his book and in his lectures, Dr. Neufeld talks about a phenomenon he calls peer orientation. Simply put, this means that children become more attached to their peers than to their parents or the adults responsible for them.

Attachment is the most significant and pre-eminent need of human beings. We need to connect with each other. This is true of the newborn baby needing closeness and proximity to their mothers and it is also true for the toddler who is having a complete temper tantrum and needs a hug far more than he needs a time-out. It is true for the teenager who is desperately looking to belong and to simultaneously be their own individual and it may very well be true of the grown-up on Facebook, trying to make connections with people who are like her, who understand her, and who can validate her life.

So what does this all mean? What are we, the parents, to do in this digital age when our kids have such easy access to their peers practically 24/7?

We can't turn back the clocks and take away all the digital media in our lives, so how do we make sure that it is not RUNNING or RUINING our lives and the lives of our children?

Dr. Neufeld gave a very simple analogy at his talk that made everything so very clear to me.

Cookies.

Yes, cookies.

Cookies are delicious treats and everyone likes them.

BUT...

There is an optimal time for cookies.

If we eat cookies before we eat dinner, than we will ruin our appetites for the real meal that fills us up with all the vitamins and nutrients that our body needs to grow and stay healthy.

In the digital world, cookies are the internet and all it's fudgeo, marshmallow-y, gooey chocolate chip fillings!

The cookies he is talking about refers to any form of digital media - Facebook, texting, gaming, Instagram or the new and in my opinion, kinda sketchy, Snapchat. The MEAL is the attachment we have with our children, our connection to the people in our lives that are closest to us. We need to fill our children with a good healthy meal of attachment, of love and trust and respect (for self and for others) before we let them out into the digital world to have cookies.

And even then, when we do let them out into that world, we have to make sure that they are not INGESTING more cookies (information) than they can actually DIGEST. This can be a tricky thing to figure out and is probably different for every kid, but one thing is certain, we are putting these devices into the hands of our kids, giving them unlimited access to all of this information and education, and what we are failing to realize is that they are then re-purposing them as a means of connection and attachment. If we are not filling them up with that kind of connection with US, that sense of belonging and sameness, then all we are doing is sending them out into this world hungry for those connections and that intimacy.

And intimacy they will find online. IN SPADES. It will be a superficial kind of connection though, one that is empty and does not actually provide any kind of lasting fulfilment. Just like cookies. They are delicious, but they don't fill you up properly and in an hour, you are just hungry for more cookies.

At the halfway mark of Dr. Neufeld's talk, I literally grabbed my head and gave it a shake, because what he was saying just then, quite literally BLEW MY MIND!!

He was talking about his sabbatical in a small town in Provence, France and how he coud not figure out why he and his wife where not getting good service from the local merchants in town. It wasn't until a resident told him that he was being "barbaric" in his interactions with people, that he understood the problem. He had not been making eye contact, getting a smile and a nod from the town merchants, before launching into his needs or wants from them. In other words, he was not using basic manners for human discourse! It wasn't until they understood this concept of "collecting", this face-to-face setting of the stage for human interaction, that things started to turn around for them in town.

Now take this concept and apply it to FACEBOOK!

There is no 'collecting' in social media. There is no eye contact, no smiling, no acknowledgment of 'Yes, I SEE you, I KNOW you.' Basic manners and rules of human interaction have left the building people! Trust me, I've been in one too many Facebook "conversations" to know that this is precisely the case. Digital intimacy is EMPTY because this simple attachment invitation does not get across. Nowadays parents, not only do we need to talk to our kids about unsafe intercourse, we have to talk to our children about the dangers of UNSAFE DISCOURSE!

Dr. Neufeld points out that the consequences of this kind of empty digital intimacy can be just as devastating for our children:

• it spoils the appetite for true intimacy and meaningful connection
• it takes them away from their parents who are meant to be their 'answers'
• it fuels obsessions and addictions (new research from Germany shows that digital addictions are more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol)
• the preoccupation arrests the maturing process, rendering them stuck in immaturity
• and ironically, it increases feelings of loneliness and frustration

And really, it's not just our kids who are in danger here. These kinds of empty and superficial connections are affecting grown-ups as well and perhaps this is the real danger. If we are spoiling our own appetites for meaningful connections, if we are not being fulfilled in our own relationships and are depending more and more on superficial ones via social media, than how on earth are we to be the example for our children and show them how to foster proper human attachments?

I went home Sunday night with my mind abuzz with so many swirling thoughts about my own dependency on social media, and what and how I can keep that attachment component of parenting alive within my life and with my family. The concept of attachment seems so easy when they are babies. You just keep them close to you physically. Wear them, breastfeed them, sleep with them - Easy peasy, lemon squeazy as my kids like to say!

The real challenge of parenting comes as they get older, as they start to learn that they are not the same as us and as they start to emerge as their own separate beings, with their own ideas and thoughts and intentions. This emergence does not signify a release from us and from attachment. It means that we need to work harder to keep those attachments viable, even when we are apart. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT ATTACHMENT MEANS! It is EXACTLY about how to stay close, especially when we are apart.

We wonder all the time "what is wrong with kids these days?" Where is the empathy? Where are their manners? Where or when or how did things get so messed up?

You don't have to look far to figure some of this out. Dr. Neufeld points out that we are routinely use a child's need for proximity against them. We use time-outs for discipline, we do "123 Magic", we shun them when they misbehave and do the one thing that is the polar opposite of attachment and we send them away from our presence. We also use the things that children are attached to against them - do this or that/don't do this or that or I will take away your lovey, your soother, your leap-pad, your phone, MYSELF. This is a dangerous game we are playing, parents, and we are the ones courting a lack of attachment and empathy because of it.

But fear not! All is not lost and we CAN still make a difference for our little digital natives!

Dr. Neufeld finished his lecture with some key tools and behaviours for moving forward and parenting in this digital world of ours.

He says that we need to:

• Believe that we are what our children need (and not just as babies and toddlers, but well into the teenage years).
• Invite dependence in other ways. No one can compete with Google, so share something that only you can teach them, be it cooking, wood-working, drawing... Whatever it is, invite your kids into your world and give them a legacy that is from you and only you.
• Create rituals and rules that safeguard healthy attachment. Make family meals a priority, have a game night with no electronics, have weekly or monthly family date night, vacations together, etc...
• "immunize" our children by fulfilling their attachment hunger. Don't let them out into the world hungry and looking to fill up on cookies, because they will find them, they always do!
• Be the example for our children and take the lead with our own use of digital technology.

We all know that being a parent is a tough job. Throw the digital revolution into the mix and things just get that much more complicated. We can't stop our kids from being a part of the revolution, but we can equip them for it. And I don't mean by getting everyone their very own laptop, iPad, iPod, smart phone and Facebook account.

We must equip them with the knowledge of our love, our trust, and our respect, and by fulfilling their need for attachment TO US! So that when they are out there navigating their way through the digital world and they get lost, they always know where and who to come back to to reset the compass.

And you know what, we should probably put that jar of cookies away from us for a time too...

Natasha~

Photo credit: Henriksnet's Photo from Flickr, used under Creative Commons licence.

Bizarro World and a Foot Rub

Something weird happened last Sunday. And by weird I mean, like bizarro world, everything is backwards weird.

I worked the Mommylicious trade show in Edmonton on Sunday. I was on my feet from 9 Am until 4:30 PM fitting mamas and daddies with beautiful baby carriers and running the show's stroller check (check in your stroller and 'check out' a baby carrier while you shop). I also got to have some amazing sleepy 6-week-old snuggles with my friend's sweet baby girl who slept on me for about 2 hours! It was a great day.

And a long day.

Natural Urban Dad was home with the kids all day and I got a few texts from him as the day went on about what they were doing. Seems the kids were having a day of "let's not listen to Daddy and therefore not get to go to "Fish Mouth" with him." (Fish Mouth is what they call the undersea adventure area at West Edmonton Mall).

I know that he too was having a long day with the kids.

We all met for dinner at our favourite neighborhood sushi place after I was all done at the show, the kids behaved themselves rather well and then we headed home.

Once in the house, Natural Urban Dad proceeded to immersed himself into cleaning the kitchen.

All I wanted to do was sit down and put up my feet (which were totally KILLING ME) for five minutes and close my eyes after a long day, but no, the kids needed some mommy time.

And it was bath time and someone obviously wanted to be alone with the dishes.

And then it hit me!!

Like a weird bizarro world smack up side the head!

Natural Urban Dad was doing exactly what I usually do when he gets home.

I turn over the kids to him with an "I am DONE!" expression on my face and start cleaning up or cooking dinner.  And I fully admit that for the most part I don't even think about how long or hard his day has been.

So I sucked it up, bathed the kids, got them ready for bed, read them a story and tucked them in.

And then I sat on the couch and asked for a foot rub.

I don't know if I have a real point to this post, except to say that NO ONE EVER WINS in this. Men and women have always had and will continue to have the "you have no idea how hard I work all day" discussions no matter who is with the kids and who is on the job. For me, I guess this day just really emphasized this dynamic in what we do at our house and made me realize that I need to appreciate my partner and what his day is like just as much as I expect him to appreciate all that I do in and around the house and with the kids every day.

We made our choices as a family. I would be the stay at home parent and he would be the working one. A lot of couples make this choice. It is important to keep the gratitude in our lives and for each other and remember to not take one another for granted. Each of us has an important job to do for the well-being and success of this family.

This past weekend was my reminder of this. Did Natural Urban Dad see the same thing? Maybe he did.

'Cause it was one very long and very nice foot rub!!

 Natasha~

Perspective

 The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance.

I have been reluctant to write anything either here or on Mom Nation for the last few weeks. My last few posts brought out some strong emotions in a few people and some of the comments made either directly to me or indirectly and very passive aggressively on various social media platforms gave me my first taste of the dreaded 'trolls'.

And although I heeded the advice of many a blogger who has walked that bridge before me and did not feed the trolls, I would be lying if I said that the comments that got personal, the ones that questioned my integrity, my compassion and my right to say what I mean and mean what I say, well... they got to me.

Now don't get me wrong, I knew when I wrote that particular post that what I had to say might make some people uncomfortable. I am not a subtle woman, never have been, and never will be. I do not like to play games or mince words (I am way too old for that!). I did appreciate that my words made people think, that they did indeed illicit an emotional response and that perhaps they made some people look at themselves or others in a different light, be it good or bad.

I love a lively debate as much as the next person and these days, what better way is there to connect online and discourse than within the "blogosphere". A blog post is the starting point and the comments are the conversation. I truly do love that about this medium!

And also, it can totally suck! People can hide behind pseudonyms and anonymous comments. They can completely miss the point of a post and forget to click on the links to get the whole story or background information needed to understand what is being written and why. They can have knee-jerk reactions, spurred by their own feelings of resentment or guilt or regret or what-have-you THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH what was written by the blogger and they send out into the universe words, tweets or comments, that are personal attacks and that live on in perpetuity.

This whole aspect of blogging, and social media in general, the part where it gets ugly, really makes a person rethink why they are doing this, why they are putting themselves out there for all the world to see and read.

And then comes some perspective for (and from) the writer.  In this case, me.

If you had asked me two years ago if I considered myself a writer of anything, I would have given you a funny look and said, "Uh, no, NOT at all!" When the Natural Urban Mama blog was started in 2009 it was a struggle for me to write anything. And to be perfectly honest, I had not really written anything of substance since my university days in the late 1990's, and what I was writing then was mostly scientific in nature (yes, I once had aspirations of being a lab/research geek).

It wasn't until I was invited to participate in the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival of Blogging in the Summer of 2010 and had to write a post a day for 14 days about my nursing experiences and thoughts and advice about breastfeeding that I really started to find my writing 'voice'. I realized then what blogging is about.

It is about telling a story. My story.

And what I found was that my story resonated with others. People started commenting on my posts, asking me questions, thanking me for sharing and in turn sharing my posts with others. And that felt good.

Here is the thing...I became the parent I am and by extension the parenting advocate I am very organically . I did not 'plan' to do a lot of the parenting practices that I now think are very important and yes, even essential in our world and definitely in our household. I was not a cloth diapering mama, I did not have a ridiculous baby carrier collection, let alone a babywearing business. And I had planned on breastfeeding for 6 months max!! Oh, how these little beings we bring into the world change us...

And so I began telling my story and sharing my passions and my experiences and my learnings here on my blog.

And more and more, my story has evolved, as have I as a person...and a mother, a business owner and a writer.

I blog for me, to get my thoughts about life and parenting out of my head and onto the screen. To make these thoughts and ideas more clear to me and perhaps to others too. It is a very public journal of sorts!

I blog for my readers and customers. I want to share my experiences. I want others to learn from my mistakes and my triumphs. I want to share my expertise and educate others about the things that I am passionate about like babywearing and breastfeeding and natural childbirth and cloth diapering and elimination communication and gentle discipline. Parenting practices that, believe it or not, can be done without trading in your designer boots for a pair of Birkenstocks and signing up for your Hippie-Mom Card.

I blog for a cause. What is that cause you ask? I blog for women. For mothers, for girls, for daughters, for wives, for women of all colours, creeds and yes, parenting 'styles'. I write to empower others to find their own voices, to live their dreams, to own their choices in life and live without regret. To be the kind of people they want their children to be.

I don't believe in hiding behind a facade of perfection. I don't believe in striving for a life/work balance just to be constantly disappointed and exhausted. I don't believe in being a fake friend or pretending that we all must get along just for the sake of appearances. I don't believe in living with regret or allowing negativity to permeate my head space or my online space!

I was in Canmore this weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding. Canmore is my happy place, where I witness magic and majesty at every turn and where I can just stop and breath and appreciate all the beauty that is around me. We took the kids to our favourite tea shop for lunch and on our way out I saw this card.

And it hit me to my core....

It was as if the universe was speaking to me and about me.

THESE are the things that I strive for in my life. How I choose to live and how I want my children to live too.

This is perspective to me and what matters and why I will not let the noise of a mere handful of people, drown out my inner or my outer voice!

Natasha~

In the moment...

I was about to crap out on a post for tonight!!

You all know it has been a rough week for me (see yesterday's post)!

But, NO, I can't do that to you (and also I hate that Liam YELLS at me in his SBC update posts if I skip a day!!)

Instead I thought I would take a page from a fellow Summer Blog Challenge participant and post about the things that have really made me happy these past few weeks.

One-on-one time with my little girl.

It is not often that I get to have one-on-one time with my kids. We try to have Mommy days and Daddy days with each of them separately, but more often than not they don't want to do anything without each other (they really are that close). So with Little C in Sportball Camp for another week, the Princess and I had some time to just hang out and do whatever we wanted....just us girls!

We hit the playground one day and she was so much more adventurous on her own. Climbing and sliding and spinning on all the different structures. She even made a little friend! And then she spotted the BIG swing and that is where we spent the next half hour! We had fun, she had me all to herself and I got to focus on just one kid for a few hours and I think we both needed that!

Pretty vintage things for me

I was on Facebook one night and saw these beauties and HAD to have them!

A) Because I am a sucker for anything blue and green **Tangent: My British Grandmother used to always tell us that "blue and green shall never be seen, unless there is a monkey in between". I still don't know what that means?  

And B) My hands get cold, especially when I am typing, so they seemed like a perfect solution.

And C) They are locally made and the fabric and the buttons are vintage--do I have to say more?

The two most important dudes in my life.

Natural Urban Dad and Little C really are two of a kind. They look alike, they have the same mannerisms, they have the same crazy obsession with cleanliness (not complaining) and they are my world! There is nothing that makes my heart swell more than seeing them together and how much they love each other. Oh, and the Ferris Wheel idea--totally Little C's! Seems he is a little thrill seeker and on that one note he is VERY different than Natural Urban Dad!

My new Duvet Cover.

Yes. I am very serious. I have been wanting a new duvet cover for months and just haven't found the right one. So I hit up HomeSense once more this past week and buried underneath all the other plain, boring duvet covers, I finally found the ONE!  Now the kicker with this is that I did not inform Natural Urban Dad of my plans, mainly because I knew that he would probably kybosh the whole idea and then we would be stuck with a BIG GIANT CHICKEN at the door kind of mess! So I bought the duvet, washed it and got in on the bed before he got home and had a chance to tell me to take it back! Doesn't it look purdy? And bonus, it makes me want to actually make my bed every morning! (Which is slight consolation for Mr. Tidy Pants!)

Matching my outfit to my baby carrier.

It is true, I do like to match what I am wearing to who I am wearing and this day it worked out perfectly. The kids and I took the dog for a walk and Princess L decided she really needed to go on mama's back. It was the perfect opportunity to use of new "Magic Wrap" Woven from Cosy Baby Happy Mommy. And it matched my hat perfectly!! I promise a more in-depth review and post about this incredible wrap very soon. I want to get some more miles out of it and break it in a bit more before I give the final verdict (which so far is quite awesome!!).

**And PS: The hat the The Princess is wearing is a Woodland Rogue Hat available here.

Summer Days spent with Best friends

Today the kids and I spent the day at the Legislature Grounds with our best friends. We packed a picnic, spread out our blankets and splashed and played in the fountains and wading pools. It really is amazing that my bestie and I have been friends for over 20 years now. We have been through all of the major milestones and events in our grown-up lives together and are about to hit another big one (hint: it's a major birthday). Our kids are growing up together too and nothing makes you step back and take stock of your life and how fast is whizzes by like the realization that our babies are really NOT babies anymore. Today was a great day for us, for ME. It was a day where I felt very Zen. Like all the troubles of this past week could not affect me. I was in a happy place, with my happy people and that was all that mattered.

Today I lived in the moment and it was wonderful!

And now I am going to go to bed!

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~

Summer Blog Challenge Posts for August 26th, 2011

• Peter takes his toys home: Crazy Wookie Cookies
• Shaun discusses human networking: Expedition of Truths
• Earl shows us his bad movies list: My Name is Earl (J. Woods)
• Zita introduces work/life balance: Ignite Strategic Solutions
• Brad tries not to sound sexist and comes up short: Kick Me Out Soon
• Natasha is intimidated into putting out a post: Natural Urban Mamas
• Kim provides tasty fuel to the family: Nature Baby Bloggings
• Cliff has no Canadian pride: Peer Pressure Works
• Tammy watches reality TV: Tam I Am
• Vlad : Analog Coast
• Chad rips off In The Now’s Song/Blog title theme: The Daily Grind
• It’s all part of Liam’s football fantasy: In The Now

United States of Natasha

I am not gonna lie. It has been a rough week for me. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

The result. I am exhausted. And I really can not afford to be tired. Not for my kids, my husband or my business.

I have also had a terrible case of writers block. Hence the lack of activity here for the last week.

And I did not figure out what the deeper issue was going on with me until Tuesday night. (Thanks to the very insightful help of a good friend and mentor).

Last week something happened that made me question who I am and how people see me and I did not realize how profoundly it affected me until now.

Here is a little recap for you.

The kids and I were having a play-date with our very good friends and while the kids where off playing, we moms where chatting and the conversation moved to my blog. I was very excited that day, because THIS wonderful guest post about milk-sharing was getting some amazing responses on my blog and I wanted to share my good news with my friend and her sister. Unfortunately, not only did they not share my excitement, both of them were actually rather put off by the whole concept of milk-sharing and wet-nursing. I tried to talk to them more about it and was met with a lot of resistance and then I realized it.....

...I had crossed the line.

The fine line that separates the Lipstick me from the Crunchy me. The line that makes me relatable to the masses, yet still able to be "crunchy" and natural in my parenting and lifestyle decisions. So, my alter came out and changed the subject and we carried on with our play date.

I was upset about the whole incident and tried not to let it affect the rest of our visit, but I left still feeling something that I could not quite  identify. At dinner that night I tried to talk to Natural Urban Dad about the day and what was said and how I was feeling and he too, jumped on the milk-sharing part and told me that although he understands why it is done and why I have wet-nursed not one, but two babies that are not my own, for some reason, it still has an 'ick' factor for him (insert eye roll and me saying, "Ugh, men!" here).

This is the thing about Natural Urban Dad. He is a good, good man and has come a long way as a parent. He has supported me and the decisions that I (we) have made for what is best for our kids. He was an easy convert to cloth diapers when he realized how much less of a mess they are, he supported our safe co-sleeping arrangements for both kids, he has been very good about breastfeeding and how long I have decided to continue to do so and he is one hot babywearing daddy!

But he worries. It's his thing, he is a worrier. And in this situation, he worries that on the spectrum of parenting, I am going to be seen as too far on one side versus the other and in being seen as such, I will start to alienate the very people who I want to influence, educate and advocate for. And really, you just gotta love a man who is worried about how popular you are in your proverbial sandbox!

I am proud of who I am. In my little sandbox and out of it. I love that I can live an urban lifestyle with all the fixin's and still do things that are good for the earth and my children's future on it! I am a staunch advocate for natural parenting and I feel that I bring these values to my business as well as my personal life.

And that is the joy (and perhaps the conundrum) that is being a Lipstick Crunchy Mama. I think what happened this past week is that I truly had to look beneath the surface of this self-imposed label and face up to and figure out what it really means to BE Lipstick Crunchy.

This is what I have so far:

• I am pro-choice, for ALL things. I qualify these choices with information and education. I want mamas and families to know ALL the facts (the good and the bad) before they make their decisions about birth, breastfeeding, formula-feeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, circumcision, co-sleeping, discipline, school and the list goes on and on and on....
• I am NOT about forcing people to do things my way. I am about showing them that "my way" may just make this incredible journey of parenthood a whole lot easier in the short and long run! (Babywearing is the best example here!)
• I am pro-woman. This doesn't mean I am a raging feminist, nor does not mean that I am an apron-wearing perfect little housewife either. It means that if I feel that girls or women or moms are being discriminated against for ANY reason, I will advocate for all of us and fight for change.
• I am pro self-esteem. Yeah, I know,who would really be anti self-esteem? But in our world of unreality TV, unreality magazine covers, and unrealistic expectations everywhere, having a healthy view of ourselves, a sense of self-worth, a positive outlook on life and realistic goals can be a challenge. I am here to be an example. To show women and moms that being the authentic you is totally amazing and if you live it, accept it and LOVE IT, then all you gotta do is hop aboard the awesome train with me!
• I am pro Mother Earth. She is the ultimate Mama and we need to treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. I will always choose more organic, sustainable, eco-conscious, carbon footprint-eliminating steps, products and practices so that I can to honor Her properly. Not just for me, but for my kids, my grand-kids and all the future generations to come.
• I am pro-child. We grow these little human beings in our bodies for 9+ months, birth them into this world and then spend a lifetime trying our darndest not to wreck them. I believe my kids are their own people, and I am here to guide, nurture, comfort and teach them on their paths to discovery and the aforementioned self-esteem! Respect for self, for others, for elders and for the earth are topics that we discuss a lot in our house.

I feel better today. I feel like I have done some good soul-searching this past week and understand myself and what I want both personally and professionally a bit better. I am always a work in progress, as I believe we all are. I do have my faults and I know that I can not please everyone, all of the time.

I am neither Lipstick, nor am I Crunchy. I am not on a spectrum. I do not transition from one side to the other. I am a full on whole different entity and I am an integrated personality. I am a United State of Natasha!

I am Lipstick Crunchy. I am a Natural Urban Mama.

And I am the conductor of my very own AWESOME TRAIN!!

ALL ABOARD!!

Natasha~

Natasha's Pick of the Week: My favourite Blogs/Bloggers

I am just over a week and a half into my 30 days of posts. It is proving to be both very fun and also quite a challenge.  It takes some serious thought and organization to get all this brilliant writing out to you people! (This is me saying, please subscribe and leave comments so I know all of this is not in vain!!) Seeing as it is Monday, that means you get my pick of the week today.

Today's picks are fellow fabulous bloggers that I have discovered over the past few months and weeks. There are literally thousands and thousands of blogs out here in the world-wide web, but I thought I would narrow it down for you and let you know about a few that I really enjoy reading. Some really make me think, others make me laugh until I cry, others just plain make me cry and still others educate me on a daily basis.

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Attack of the Redneck Mommy. Tanis is AWESOME! And has lived, lost and loved a whole heck of a lot in her years. Her blog is funny, heart-wrenching and so, so REAL. And she is kind of a hero of mine. She also just colored her hair, so go on over to her blog and tell her she is gorgeous!!

2. Tech Mommy. Local gal Jennifer Banks (@JenBanksYEG on the tweeter) writes her own fab tech blog and also writes for MomNation. Her posts always have me heading to iTunes to get the latest and greatest new apps to make my life easier and she writes with some serious passion and honesty people!

3. Enjoying the Small Things.  I can't remember when I first stumbled upon Kelly's blog, but she had me hooked from the first picture! She is a brilliant photographer and a very amazing mother. Read this first once you head over there and you will understand why.

4. The Leaky Boob. You all know I am a breastfeeding Mama and a big advocate for more breastfeeding education and resources for all mothers, so this one should not come as a big surprise. Sometimes controversial, always thought-provoking and taking on the Zuckerberg's of the world and having her Facebook page removed and reinstated not once, but twice, Jessica, AKA the boob behind TLB, is an inspiration, a mama-force to be reckoned with and someone I am so, so happy to have 'in my corner'.

5. MOMeo Magazine. Are you a work-at/from-home-mom? Do you struggle to figure it all out some days? If you answered yes to these questions, then you need to follow MOMeo, both via the website and @CarlaYoung on Twitter for all the latest tips, tricks, and business advice that really makes sense for the WAHM/Mompreneur/Small Biz Woman!

6. Five Things at Once. I just started following this Daddy Blogger a few weeks ago and already I really, really like him. Reasons for this are: He is a stay-at-home-dad, he has the cutest kid ever, his blog has a Glossary tab that is bloody hilarious and he is one damn good writer!

There are plenty of other fabulous blogs that I read (or try to read and keep up with-my Google Reader list is a bit ridiculous right now)! I encourage you to reach out and find a few that truly speak to you and subscribe to them. (One of them is mine, right?)

Now, go....get reading!

Natasha~

The Fine Print

There is a lot about motherhood that no one tells you before you start this gig. Of course there is all the usual stuff. You'll never sleep, kids will poop and/or puke at the most inopportune times and life as you know it is never going to be the same. Just remember that you did sign up for this mommy thing!

For those of you who have been at this for a while you may have figured all of this out, but for anyone new to this, here are a few things that you may have missed in the fine print.

• Set all your clocks 1/2 hour ahead of the actual time. Otherwise you will never again be on time for anything in your life (add 15 minutes per child).
• Learn to love your body hair. Time for personal grooming (and even showering) may be very hard to come by!
• Doors lose all of their function when you are a mother. Especially bathroom doors.
• Be prepared to walk out of the grocery store and leave a full cart of food at some point in your toddler's life. AKA-The Mother of all Tantrums!
• Poop comes in all the colors of the rainbow. Don't panic-think about what went in first!
• If you spend 3 hours prepping and then cooking a great meal for your family, understand that A) NO ONE will acknowledge your efforts and B) invariably someone will refuse to eat it!
• Breastfeeding is a fabulous way to lose weight, but understand that "those last 10 pounds" are not going to go until you STOP breastfeeding. So stop beating yourself up about it, understand this and for god's sake keep breastfeeding!
• No matter how many times you and your spouse talk about it, he/she is just NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND what being a stay at home parent is like all day, everyday. Learn to accept this (both of you)!
• Sex. Think of it as a grown-up play date and get it in the household schedule. And give it at least as much (preferably more) significance as the swimming lessons, art classes and all the mommy and me programs you have signed up for!
• Know that we are all in this together. When you are having what you think is possibly THE worst day ever because the baby has reflux and has puked on your last clean anything and the toddler just flushed Batman AND Superman down the toilet, just remember that somewhere, some how, another mother is probably having an even worse day. If you happen to know this mama, Email, call, FB message or tweet her and let her know you GET it!
• Deep breathes and counting to ten are essential MOTHERING SKILLS!

All in all it is a pretty darn good gig even with all of the above fine print. And for me at least, it is the moments like this that balance out all the crazies!!

I for one would not trade my life for anything else.

How about you?

Natasha~

P.S. Please feel free to add to the list of items in "The Fine Print"!

Efficient, schmefficient.

I swear I used to be a more efficient person. It never used to take me 45 minutes to actually get out the door to go anywhere. And I used to be somewhat punctual! My ability to DO anything with any kind of speed and efficiency seems to have decreased exponentially with each child. And this phenomenon became very apparent to me earlier this week.

I went swimming with the kids and my girlfriend and her three kids the other day.  I was late (as usual). I did not have the kids in their swimsuits already because I had to quickly do a rinse/spin/dry before we left the house (which may explain why we were late and I really should have more than one bathing suit that fits me). We finally got in the pool and we all had a great time. When it was time to go, we headed back to the family change room.  And I swear, I thought I was organized. We showered, all went pee and then got dressed. And yet still, my girlfriend and her three kids (6, 4 and 2) were all dressed and packed up and in coats and boots a good 15 minutes before us! How? I only have 2 kids! We all walked out to our cars together and I am not sure how, but she had her 3 kids in her car, in their car seats and boosters and was out of the parking lot before I was even in my seat! What the heck is wrong with me?? Again, I reiterate--I only have 2 kids!

Maybe I just take my time doing things. Maybe my kids are not as independent as others. I do know that I do not like to be rushed. When I am, I tend to lose my mommy cool and then no one is happy.

We are always the last to leave anywhere. At the little man's preschool, our car is the last to leave the parking lot almost every day. At swimming lessons, I don't like to try to fight the rush to the change room and we take our time there too.

Maybe the arthritis slows me down a bit. Maybe the extra time I take to get my toddler in the ring sling is time-consuming. Maybe because my kids are rear-facing in their car seats, it takes us a bit longer to get into the car. Maybe I just really don't care to do things FAST! Maybe I have other qualities that are more important to me.

Like this...

I am always prepared. Some might say overly so. I always have a full back of snacks and various meal time paraphernalia on me at all times. I have a fully stocked first aid kit in my purse. My kids each have a full change of clothes stashed in the glove compartment of my car. And I always have a minimum of 2 baby carriers in the car (one for me and one for anyone else in case of emergency or need). I have baby wipes, kleenex, hand sanitizer, hand cream and tooth floss in my purse as well. And I tend to over pack for vacations-cause you just never know!

So, which is it then? What do I want to be? An efficient Mama or a prepared Mama?

I don't know? A bit of both would be nice.

But trust me, in a pinch, YOU would want me to be the prepared Mama.  Because if I was the efficient one, I would already have my kids in the car and I would be out of that parking lot before you even had a chance to ask for a bandage/snack/clean pair of pants/carrier/baby wipe!!

;)

Natasha~

Day 2!!