It's decision time....
As you may know, the past few months have been a struggle for me.
Personally, I have been dealing with my yearly seasonal blues demons and just barely keeping them at bay. It is getting better though and I have my fabulous little family and some really great friends (new and old) to thank for that. And a healthy dose of Vitamin D every day seems to be helping too!
Professionally, it has been a struggle as well. Working as a solo entrepreneur is hard work. Actually, it is VERY hard work. And doing so while also being the stay-at-home parent to two preschool-aged children makes it even harder. Somehow they NEED me more now then they ever have before (more on this later) and finding the time to focus on ALL of my babies is getting harder and harder.
Please understand that I love what I do.
I love being able to introduce parents to the incredible world of babywearing. I love helping anyone who asks about breastfeeding, natural birth, and the many aspects of 'green' parenting that I have garnered some knowledge of over the years. It makes my heart happy when I see the look of sheer relief and the physical relaxation of a mama's shoulders when she puts her baby in a proper, safe and beautiful baby carrier. And I seriously almost want to do a happy dance of joy when said baby is asleep in under 5 minutes of being in a new carrier.
I also love being able to find great products from both local and not-so-local mama-made and baby-inspired small businesses. It has always been part of my mission at Natural Urban Mamas to support local Canadian manufacturers and mainly mama-owned or family run smaller companies in North America and Europe. I have stayed true to this throughout the life of my business and I am so honoured to now call quite a few of these manufacturers and mamas some of my dearest friends.
I love the community of mamas that I have on the Natural Urban Mamas Facebook and Twitter pages. All 3800+ of you!! This is simply amazing to me! I appreciate your comments, feedback, funny posts, beautiful pictures and all the questions that you feel comfortable asking me. I love sharing wonderful and informative posts with you and introducing you to some of my favourite blogger friends, cool sites and general internet happy places! I also love how you all share so freely with me and with each other when questions are asked. This to me is a true community. We may not always see things the same way, but sharing ideas and learning from each other makes us all better! Thank YOU!
So why the struggle?
Running a retail company on your own (and on the internet) is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of job. You are the CEO, COO, CFO, Marketing department, Sales force, Purchaser, Accounting/Book-keeping department, Shipper/Receiver, often the IT department and the SEO/Social Media/Communications department as well. There is always something that needs doing to keep the business running smoothly and often this involves an investment of time or money. It is exhausting and to be completely honest, most of the time I am running low of both time AND money!
Here's the thing. When my business partner and I went our separate ways in late 2009, for the sake of simplicity and to avoid the addition of more legal fees (and to keep things from getting ugly), I had to pay her out. I don't really want to get into all the ridiculous details of this transaction (because I will just get angry again), but essentially Natural Urban Mamas has not yet been able to climb out of the hole that this 'pay-out' created. And I don't see it doing so anytime soon. You know that old saying, "you need to spend money to make money", well, at this point, there is just not enough money to spend!
So at this point I am NOT loving the day-to-day running of Natural Urban Mamas, the business. And not just because of the financial factor. It is the time factor too.
Like I mentioned above, my children need me more now than they have before. Little C will be 5 years old in two weeks and he is more inquisitive than ever. He has questions that need well thought out answers! LOTS of questions. Princess L is in the weird and wonderful transition phase from toddler to preschooler and is figuring out that she is not a baby anymore. There is a lot of independence and then very strong attachment going on at our house these days. I need to be there for my littles. It is not just my physical presence that they need, it is more of my mental and emotional presence too and I don't want to deny them any of this. Unfortunately, because I squeeze in work hours when and where I can throughout the day, I feel like I am doing just that.
And it is not just the kids, my husband needs me too.
We both knew that this year was going to be a tough one for us. Financing and building a new house can be rough on any relationship. And although yes, this is our third time doing it, I fully admit that it seems way harder this time around. I think we are both feeling a lot of pressure to really GET IT RIGHT with this house and have a lot of our heart and soul and hopes and dreams wrapped up in this little construction project. And a lot of the decisions about the house come down to me. I am the one visiting the site almost every day to ensure that our dream is taking shape as we planned. I am the one talking to the trades people (I am there so often, that the guys have all started calling me Nat, it's my site nickname). I am the one trying to keep us all on budget. So you see, I have yet another job to add to the list -- unofficial Construction Site Supervisor!
You can imagine that with all of this going on - the store, the kids, and the house - Natural Urban Dad and I don't get a whole heck of a lot of alone time together. And we NEED it! All marriages need this. For us we especially need our time together because of all that is going on! Even if it is just an hour a week at Starbucks or a walk through the mall holding hands, we need that time to reconnect and know that WE matter as a team, a couple and yes, as lovers too! (oh, he is so going to love that!) We are the foundation that all else is built on and we have to keep that foundation strong.
Over the past few weeks, it has become glaringly apparent to me that certain things in my life need to change. I need to change. I am no longer completely happy with the path I am on and I need to find a new way, a better way to keep living my purpose and my passion without losing my mind! This week I sought the advice of a fellow entrepreneur I recently met IRL and for whom I have always had mad respect for... and then she posted THIS! I swear to God, it was like she jumped into my head and then wrote her post. And I can't thank her enough. (Big Super Hugs for Alex from @Clippo!!)
And so here is what is going to happen now. I am taking a page from Alex's book.
Natural Urban Mamas, the store, will be closed from December 12, 2011 until January 31, 2012.
During this time I will be figuring out what is best for me and my family and also for Natural Urban Mamas. I will continue to write on the blog (I have a couple of carrier reviews coming up and some step-by-step carrier instructional posts too) and also keep the Facebook page current. I will be available for babywearing or baby carrier advice via Facebook or Twitter, but will not be running any babywearing workshops during December or January.
I appreciate your patience and understanding and your continued support while I work through this challenge and transition in my life and my business.
Thank you,
Natasha~
Friend?
You know when you write a word over and over and over and over...and eventually it starts to look somehow wrong?
Or when you use a word over and over and over and over, like "OMG, I love that sweater!", "I love that movie!", "I love that couch!", "I love these socks", "I love pomegranate lip gloss!" and eventually the word LOVE loses some of its true meaning and meaningfulness?
I think this is what has happened to the word and perhaps by extension, the concept of a FRIEND. Quite specifically in the realm of social media.
I write this after almost a month of not writing a whole lot because of personal issues and insecurities about myself and my place in this online world and with my friends within it.
Recently on Facebook, I was 'un-friended' and blocked from someones personal page. I did not think this was a big deal. We are not very close and have more of a professional relationship than a personal one. I read her status update before she removed me (and quite a few other people too) and I respected her decision to keep her page personal and for her close friends and family members.
Remember when that was what we used Facebook for? To keep our friends and family updated on our lives. Remember how fun it was to post pictures of the kids and our vacations for all our friends and family to oooh and ahhh over? When we could write personal messages on our pages and not worry about who was lurking about to see where we are and who we are with and who we are talking to? When no one was taking screen shots of our pages and forwarding them on in emails to other people for God knows what reasons? When every App on earth wasn't asking to 'GeoTag' you and announce to the world where you are "checking-in"?
Back then (a whole two years ago, if that even), you had maybe about 67 friends on your Facebook page and hadn't even heard of Twitter. And every one of those friends was either AT your wedding or at one of your birthday parties in the past 5 years!
So, {at least in my mind}, this begs the question....
Has the inescapable realm of Wifi, and unlimited data plans and Twitter and Facebook and Google+ and FourSquare and... and... and... completely wrecked our understanding, interpretation and definition of FRIENDSHIP?
Think about this for a minute.
How many of your {insert number here} Facebook friends would drop everything and come over to watch your kids if you were stuck in bed with the worst flu of your life? How many would dog-sit for you in an emergency? How many would buy you coffee and give you an ACTUAL hug if you were having a really bad day? How many would pick up the phone and call you....or even have your direct phone number for that matter?
What then constitutes a true friend? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of the word is this:
Definition of FRIEND
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteemb:acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostileb: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4 : a favored companion
I do believe that there are levels of friendship and some friendships are closer than others. Some are deeper. Some are based on a long history together, some on mutual life experiences, some on similar belief systems and some on the simple foundation of a love of all things shoes. And these days, some are IRL and some are SOF (strictly online friend - I think I just made that up).
For the sake of full disclosure, I have ONE Best Friend. I have known her for over 20 years and she has seen me in all my good, bad, ugly, beautiful, sick, elated, sad-beyond-belief and so-excited-I-could-fly glory! And I hers. And we RARELY talk via social media.
On the other hand, I have 190 Facebook Friends. And if I sat down and set up some form of criteria for who and what I truly believe a friend is, I know that this number would decrease significantly. Or at least be divided into categories.
I found this post by Kristen Tennant about the four levels of friendship and I think she does a pretty good job of describing these levels or categories.
Category 4 friends are people you say hello to and maybe stop and chat for a while if you run into them at the cafe or bar. They’re probably friends of yours on Facebook, but if it weren’t for Facebook, they would have almost no clue what’s going on in your day-to-day life.
Category 3 friends encompass a lot of people like co-workers, members of your church or community, the parents of your kids’ friends, and others you see and talk to regularly but don’t necessarily go out of your way to get together with. Every once in a while, you might decide to call them up and see if they want to meet you for lunch, or you might invite them to a big party you’re having, but the expectations of your relationship are low and the interactions are casual.
Category 2 friends can get more complicated, because the relationship is deeper, but the expectations often aren’t clear. They’re your go-to friends when you feel like getting a group of people together on a Saturday night, or you want to go out to dinner to celebrate a birthday, or you feel like inviting someone over for dinner. These are the friends you spend time with once or twice a month, but I also think we keep ourselves (or our hearts?) at a bit of a distance, to protect ourselves from feeling left out, hurt, or disappointed when they don’t come through.
And Category 1 friends? I think I would describe them exactly the way my nine-year-old daughter would: They understand you—they get who you are at your core, which means you can completely be yourself around them, without worrying what they will think. Category 1 friends like to spend time doing the things that you like doing best. And they always want to see you. Whenever you feel the urge to see them, they’re ready and waiting, thrilled to see you if they can possibly make it happen.
Now, no, I am not about to go and categorize everyone on my Facebook page, but I will make the case for having Lists on Twitter and Facebook and deciding how much you want to interact or share with these lists. You can set these criteria in your account privacy and settings pages on both platforms and on Facebook, no one knows when they are added/removed from one of your lists and on Twitter you can make both private and public lists.
How you use social media is of course your prerogative. These are after all your pages and what you do with them is your choice. So if you want to remove me, un-friend me, un-follow or block me from your friend list or your feed because we really are not much more than acquaintances or we have more of a business relationship than a personal one, go ahead, it is OK.
I will not be offended and I will respect your wishes.
And if need be, I generally know how to get in touch with you outside of stalking ...uhm, I mean, social media.
Natasha~
P.S. And now for my favourite song about Facebook by the incredible Kate Miller-Heidke. (WARNING: EXPLICIT LYRICS-NOT FOR THE KIDDIES!!)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0FdR7dEAYU[/youtube]
P.P.S. I'm BaaaAAAAACK!!!
Photo Credit: Wonderbra Print Ad. 2009. Reza Behnam-photographer.
feeding the soul
We shopped for the food. 5 Kg of ground turkey.
3000 grams of pasta.
300 ounces of Marinara sauce.
LOTS of fruit and veggies.
Too much oregano (I am SO not good at conversions).
And garlic, lots and lots of garlic.
We gathered at The House in the big red kitchen and unloaded all our bags.
And for a few minutes we looked at everything piled on the big centre island and then at each other and almost panicked!
Feeding 30 families for the Home for Dinner program at the Ronald McDonald House™ of Northern Alberta is no small task! And yet, this is what three of the businesses from the Local4Local4Local program did this past Tuesday.
We may not have seemed a likely team, but we all had our roles and we worked well together. Kristi Larson from Bellies Maternity was in charge of the fruits and veggie trays. Maurice Tellier from The Koch Ford Lincoln group was our 'muscle' and also our amazing onion chopper and meatball roller. And I was in charge of the general timing of all the ingredients and dishes and the sauce and yes, I was the bossy one.
We arrived at the house just before 3 PM. I had also managed to convince my nanny, the fabulous Maria Sellis from Cupcake Addiction, to come as well and that meant she had double duty keeping an eye on my kids and helping out in the kitchen. If I have not mentioned this before..SHE IS AMAZING!! (And NO, you can not have her!)
If you have never been to the Ronald McDonald House in Edmonton (or your own city), then I encourage you to call and book a tour. They really are amazing establishments and provide what sick kids need the most - their families. The Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton is a leader in heart surgery for kids and three of the families we met Tuesday night had a child recovering from heart surgery or one who was waiting for their surgery date. Being able to stay in the house gives these families a home away from home, a chance to stay close to their kids and to keep their families together during these hard times.
As you walk through the huge common dining room, complete with a train-themed table for the kids and two big play areas, you hear conversations about g-tubes and pic lines. You see four-year olds, in cute red and purple slippers, walking around with their IV poles getting 'fed' through the aforementioned tube. You see whole families of siblings gathering around a table for a snack while Mom holds their 4 month old sleeping baby brother, the one who just had open-heart surgery.
I wanted to sit and talk to more of the families and hear their stories, but we had a job to do. We were there to feed these moms and dads and brothers and sisters. And so we worked. Kristi chopped and arranged. Maurice and Maria chopped and rolled. I stirred and mixed and cooked. And somehow, we managed to get into a good kitchen groove. We had the sauce simmering on one stove top, the pasta cooking on the other and rotating trays of turkey meatballs baking in both ovens.
And amidst all of this, my amazing children played. They played with each other and with the kids of the house. They played like there was nothing 'wrong' with anyone. Little C found himself an adorable little guy to play with and they were inseparable all night long. Princess L found a doll stroller and another little girl and they played house for a bit. She is still getting used to playing with other kids besides her brother and would come and hang out in the kitchen with us for a while and then head back to the play area for more fun with Little C and his buddy.
By 5:40 PM, our meal was almost ready. We made Spicy Turkey Meatballs in Marinara Sauce over linguine (thanks to Allium Foodworks for this yummy recipe), veggies with tzatziki dip and fruit and yogurt for dessert. The front office made an All-Call to the residents of the house and they started to come down for dinner. One of my biggest fears going into this night was that we would not have enough food for everyone. We had PLENTY of food! The families that were home enjoyed the meal and thanked us for coming and cooking for them. Seeing everyone gathered at the tables in the common dining room and eating our dinner was great. Natural Urban Dad arrived about then and we all sat down and had dinner as a family with the house families. And when everyone was done we packed up all the leftovers and put them in the fridge for all the families that were still at the hospital to enjoy later when they made it back to the house.
The whole experience at the house was amazing for me, and I suspect for Kristi, Maurice and Maria as well. It may be just one meal, but it was one meal that these parents didn't have to worry about. One meal that nourished their bodies, so that they can keep going and stay strong for their babies. It was one night out of our lives to go and do good for others. One night to show my kids what it means to give freely of ourselves and to serve those in need.
I have to thank Kristi Hammond for creating the Local4Local4Local group and providing this opportunity for local businesses to come together to do such a good thing for the residents of our local Ronald McDonald House™. I also would like to give a shout out to our local food suppliers, Serben Free Range, The Italian Centre and Kuhlmann's Market Gardens.
I am looking forward to my next Home for Dinner night at the House and I encourage anyone interested to check out the program, grab a bunch of friends, your favourite recipe and head on over for a great night of cooking, camaraderie and good karma!
Natasha~
Is Blue one of the colors of Fall?
October sucks!
There I said it.
I LOVE Fall, it is by far my favourite season of the year. I long to see the leaves changing and the myriad of colors in the river valley and feel the crispness in the air.
But somewhere around the middle of October this all changes for me.
The leaves fall off the trees, it gets cold outside, the days become noticeably shorter and somewhere in all of this my mood shifts.
Two years ago, when Princess L was just one, it was so bad that I had to get some help and started to see a therapist for a few months. I attributed that time to some latent postpartum depression, but in hindsight, I think it was my usual seasonal blues. Last year I just pushed through it.
I remember a time in University when I did not get out of bed for about 2 weeks and suffered from some pretty severe panic attacks when I did manage to leave the house. That year was the worst of it.
As far back as I can remember, at least in my adult life, this time of year is just not great for me. And this year is turning out to be no different.
You would think that this would not be the case. All looks or seems great from the outside. I attended not one, but two awesome blogging conferences in the past month. I landed a sweet co-editor position with an up and coming online mom's website. I am probably in the best shape physically that I have been in in years, thanks to some personal dedication and my amazing trainer. I was nominated for an award recognizing my abilities as an entrepreneur AND a mother. And I continue to do what I love, surrounded by the people who I love.
So why so sad, so uninterested....so tired ALL THE TIME!?
I know what depression is. I can recognize the symptoms, I know the chemical reasons behind why it happens and yes, I know how to treat it. I have seen depression in friends and family and colleagues and I have lost someone to the darkness that it is as well. I spent years of my life and in my previous career learning about, marketing and selling antidepressants.They are life savers for so many people, but I personally just don't like going that route. I feel like I take enough meds as it is to keep my rheumatoid arthritis controlled and I don't like to overload my body with too many synthetic chemicals to process.
And so I am pushing through. Getting through one day at a time and trying to keep my head above water (or often above the piles of laundry). Some days are better than others and some days I wonder if other things that I can't control are affecting me as well.
Today was kind of one of the latter. I wonder if my mood is also affecting others? If I am no fun to be around and if that makes me less likely to be invited to playdates or get-togethers? I wonder if I have alienated some friends as of late and then I also wonder why I am wondering this? If they are truly my friends should this be an issue? Should I not be able to talk my friends about this?
And now I am wondering if I should even be writing this post. But I am 500 words in so I am just going to keep going....
Tomorrow is November. I know the days are getting even shorter and colder, but I will keep going. I am going to love on my little people and bask in their sweet innocent goodness and silliness. Natural Urban Dad and I are going away for a weekend to our happy place at Jasper Park Lodge to reconnect and focus on US as a couple. And I am going to write. I am going to write lots of things. Lists to keep my days on track, meal plans to keep me better organized and blog posts both here and on Mom Nation to feed my soul, to purge my brain of the many thoughts that often keep me up at night, and to keep me going.
This will pass...it always does (usually right before Christmas).
So please bear with me as I get this little seasonal beastie under control and find my way back to my happy place within.
Sincerely,
Natasha~
Finding my Blogging Bliss
Two weeks ago I went to my first big blogging conference.
And I learned a few things about myself.
I am a writer.
And a business woman.
And a mom.
And a wife.
A friend. A fan. A partner.
A very bad singer.
And one hell of a One Man Wolf Pack.
I was very excited about going to Blissdom Canada 2011. I bought my ticket the hour they went on sale and suspect that I might have gotten THE last one available that day! And fresh off of my time at ShesConnected two weeks prior, I thought I had a 'plan' going into this one. Yet once again, what I came out with was so much more and not really what I had planned at all. And to be perfectly honest, in reading some of the other attendees posts after the conference, I have learned and discovered even more. About myself and what it is that I want to give and get in this world we call the "blogosphere".
First and foremost what I want is hours and hours more to sit and talk with a few very special people who I met. I have been doing a lot of back reading this week of some pretty amazing blogs and wishing with all my heart that I had more time with their writers. Thank goodness for Twitter and comments and all the multiple ways we can still 'talk' to each other online. Otherwise, I think I might descend into a deep depression!
Secondly what I want or maybe what I got was perspective. As in, what we think we want is not always what we need. On day one of the conference at the CBC Live Welcome Reception, I was interviewed by Social Media Week and was quoted in their #BlissdomCanada post this past week. In it I am referred to as the Healthy Business Blogger and when I spoke to the interviewer I was focused on my 'plan', I talked about how I was at Blissdom to build momentum for my blog and interest from the brands and sponsors present to get them to venture West to the great Prairie plains that we blog from! This may still be part of the plan, but after the two days of sessions, the screening of the documentary MissRepresentation and the many conversations with my fellow bloggers, with the brands and sponsors present and with other small business owners like myself that walk a fine and often very different social media line that others, the 'plan' has been refined.
I think there are some really great companies out there that I am very excited to work with. And essentially what I took away from Blissdom and from reading some great post-conference posts from the likes of Alex from @Clippo, @BonStewart and Annie from @PhdinParenting, is that at Natural Urban Mamas, I am here for YOU. And I will NEVER compromise my voice, my talent, my writing or my opinions for the almighty dollar. If and when I do work with brands, they will be in line with my values, they will ADD value to you, my readers and they will be fun people to work with! You know...like you and me! ;)
Once I wrapped my brain around this and took a step away from the "Business" track of the conference, I was able to connect and get to know some rather amazing women and a few cool dudes too and focus on the 'why we do what we do' part of blogging.
I ended up attending more of the Art Track sessions at the conference than the Commerce Track (not what I thought I would do, but these were the people and rooms that I was drawn to). The 'Social Media for Social Good" session was a very big reminder of how we can change the world and how a simple harnessing of the power of social media and directing it to "do good" for others can really affect change. I had a hard time keeping the tears from streaming down my face as I sat at my table with the incredible Heather Hamilton (@tjzmommy) and watched a video of her sweet baby boy Zach, who is gone now, but who lives on in the hearts and on the Twitter avatars of so many with that tiny little Elmo. The most powerful message that I got from that session was that it is not always about doing big things and changing the world, sometimes it is simply about doing something to change even one person's life. And we can all do that.
Next up was the session on 'Taking your Craft to the Next Level'. This session appealed to the perfectionist in me. Spelling and grammar matter to me, and it seems that I need to get myself a writing Style Guide too!! Seriously--if you ever find a typo in my posts, please send me a DM or email so I can fix it! The panel consisted of some great writers, including the very funny Karen Green (@Karengreeners) who had one of my favourite lines of the day..."I am not interested in winning the internet, I want to win a Pulitzer!" and the every witty Aidan Morgan (@palinode) who gave us a fabulous 30 second writing for search engines tutorial (which we all made him repeat very s-l0-w-l-y). And yet another of my online super-crushes, Elan Morgan, Aidan's wife and the woman better known as Schmutzie, was sitting at the table next to me. Needless to say, I felt like the kid who just walked into the "gifted" class by accident. I may have also Googled one or two of the bigger words used that day! Thank Gawd for the Merriam-Webster online dictionary!
I then managed to squeeze into the standing room only session about "Defining Yourself and Your Creative Work", the beast also known as 'personal branding'. This particular panel did not disappoint their audience and kept their moderator, Julie Cole from Mabel's Labels on her toes! Dee Brun (@CocktailDeeva), Gail Vaz-Oxlade, Kimberly Seldon and Patti Sullivan all showed us just why they are who they are and why we love them so much. The overall message I got from this session is that it is OK to be you, just know then that YOU may not be what everyone is looking for. Having conviction, knowing who YOU are and not compromising your integrity, your values or your voice matters, not only to those hearing or reading you, but to your kids, your community and most of all to YOU! This was a good session for me and um...why yes, it did end with Gail giving me a big old smooch...right on the mouth!!!
I would be remiss if I did not give a shout out to some of the great women I met that weekend. The highlight for me may have been meeting and spending time with a woman whose writing, whose insight, and whose activism is an inspiration to me every day.. yes, I am talking about the amazing Annie Urban of Phd in Parenting. And she is one heck of a dance partner too!!
To Hollie Pollard (@commoncentsmom) for welcoming me with open arms first at #SCCTO and then for being the first familiar and friendly face I saw when I arrived at Blissdom Canada. This woman is truly one of the kindest, most genuine human beings that I have ever met and I am honoured to count her as a friend! Thank you Hollie for taking me 'under your wing' and for facilitating some very important introductions!
To Tilley from @Preshusme for giving me my baby and babywearing fix while away from my littles! Seriously woman, you make some damn cute babies and that little Peanut of yours practically stole every heart at Blissdom Canada this year. I swear I can still hear his crazy babbling and sweet baby laughs!!
And finally to my incredible friend and fellow Edmonton Blogger, the amazing Jennifer Banks (@JenBanksYeg). Thanks for being my roomie, for kicking me under the table when I was talking too loud, for being the Yin to my Yang in practically all that we do and for well...just being the ever so awesome YOU! I am so glad that we got to share this experience together and were able to actually have time to just hang out, meet some great people and come away with a whole new plan for our little corners of the interwebs!
Refreshed and with a new plan,
Natasha~
Perspective
The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance.
I have been reluctant to write anything either here or on Mom Nation for the last few weeks. My last few posts brought out some strong emotions in a few people and some of the comments made either directly to me or indirectly and very passive aggressively on various social media platforms gave me my first taste of the dreaded 'trolls'.
And although I heeded the advice of many a blogger who has walked that bridge before me and did not feed the trolls, I would be lying if I said that the comments that got personal, the ones that questioned my integrity, my compassion and my right to say what I mean and mean what I say, well... they got to me.
Now don't get me wrong, I knew when I wrote that particular post that what I had to say might make some people uncomfortable. I am not a subtle woman, never have been, and never will be. I do not like to play games or mince words (I am way too old for that!). I did appreciate that my words made people think, that they did indeed illicit an emotional response and that perhaps they made some people look at themselves or others in a different light, be it good or bad.
I love a lively debate as much as the next person and these days, what better way is there to connect online and discourse than within the "blogosphere". A blog post is the starting point and the comments are the conversation. I truly do love that about this medium!
And also, it can totally suck! People can hide behind pseudonyms and anonymous comments. They can completely miss the point of a post and forget to click on the links to get the whole story or background information needed to understand what is being written and why. They can have knee-jerk reactions, spurred by their own feelings of resentment or guilt or regret or what-have-you THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH what was written by the blogger and they send out into the universe words, tweets or comments, that are personal attacks and that live on in perpetuity.
This whole aspect of blogging, and social media in general, the part where it gets ugly, really makes a person rethink why they are doing this, why they are putting themselves out there for all the world to see and read.
And then comes some perspective for (and from) the writer. In this case, me.
If you had asked me two years ago if I considered myself a writer of anything, I would have given you a funny look and said, "Uh, no, NOT at all!" When the Natural Urban Mama blog was started in 2009 it was a struggle for me to write anything. And to be perfectly honest, I had not really written anything of substance since my university days in the late 1990's, and what I was writing then was mostly scientific in nature (yes, I once had aspirations of being a lab/research geek).
It wasn't until I was invited to participate in the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival of Blogging in the Summer of 2010 and had to write a post a day for 14 days about my nursing experiences and thoughts and advice about breastfeeding that I really started to find my writing 'voice'. I realized then what blogging is about.
It is about telling a story. My story.
And what I found was that my story resonated with others. People started commenting on my posts, asking me questions, thanking me for sharing and in turn sharing my posts with others. And that felt good.
Here is the thing...I became the parent I am and by extension the parenting advocate I am very organically . I did not 'plan' to do a lot of the parenting practices that I now think are very important and yes, even essential in our world and definitely in our household. I was not a cloth diapering mama, I did not have a ridiculous baby carrier collection, let alone a babywearing business. And I had planned on breastfeeding for 6 months max!! Oh, how these little beings we bring into the world change us...
And so I began telling my story and sharing my passions and my experiences and my learnings here on my blog.
And more and more, my story has evolved, as have I as a person...and a mother, a business owner and a writer.
I blog for me, to get my thoughts about life and parenting out of my head and onto the screen. To make these thoughts and ideas more clear to me and perhaps to others too. It is a very public journal of sorts!
I blog for my readers and customers. I want to share my experiences. I want others to learn from my mistakes and my triumphs. I want to share my expertise and educate others about the things that I am passionate about like babywearing and breastfeeding and natural childbirth and cloth diapering and elimination communication and gentle discipline. Parenting practices that, believe it or not, can be done without trading in your designer boots for a pair of Birkenstocks and signing up for your Hippie-Mom Card.
I blog for a cause. What is that cause you ask? I blog for women. For mothers, for girls, for daughters, for wives, for women of all colours, creeds and yes, parenting 'styles'. I write to empower others to find their own voices, to live their dreams, to own their choices in life and live without regret. To be the kind of people they want their children to be.
I don't believe in hiding behind a facade of perfection. I don't believe in striving for a life/work balance just to be constantly disappointed and exhausted. I don't believe in being a fake friend or pretending that we all must get along just for the sake of appearances. I don't believe in living with regret or allowing negativity to permeate my head space or my online space!
I was in Canmore this weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding. Canmore is my happy place, where I witness magic and majesty at every turn and where I can just stop and breath and appreciate all the beauty that is around me. We took the kids to our favourite tea shop for lunch and on our way out I saw this card.
And it hit me to my core....
It was as if the universe was speaking to me and about me.
THESE are the things that I strive for in my life. How I choose to live and how I want my children to live too.
This is perspective to me and what matters and why I will not let the noise of a mere handful of people, drown out my inner or my outer voice!
Natasha~
three years and almost three thousand miles
I wrote this post last Friday night while in Toronto at the Blissdom Canada 2011 Writing and Business Conference. I was having some technical difficulties at the time (darn hotel Wi-fi) and was not able to publish until today.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Today my little girl is three years old.
And I am 2, 706 kilometers away from her.
It's not a big deal really...
We celebrated her birthday last weekend with family and friends and I am in Toronto at my very first big blogging conference having a wonderful time.
But still, I have been thinking about her all day....
I have been thinking about my labour and delivery, how different it was from my first time with Little C. Having a full-term, one week overdue baby is a much different experience than being induced at 35 weeks and having a teeny preemie baby. I was in control of most of my labouring with L and had to consciously push through those moments of self-doubt and pain and panic and trust my body, rely on my amazing doula team and lean on the ever-present shoulder of Natural Urban Dad.
I remember the moment that I was finally allowed to push and how it felt like 5 minutes, but was really more like 30. I remember feeling that final release and her entrance into this world and not hearing her right away....and then that tiny little voice crying and letting me know that she had arrived. I remember Natural Urban Dad telling me that she was a GIRL and my utter and complete shock at hearing this.
I remember holding her for the first time and unwrapping her from all the swaddling and letting her find and latch onto my breast. I cried at that moment...I was so proud of both of us.
I remember not wanting to let her out of my sight for a minute and refusing most of the usual 'ministrations' that the nursing staff wanted to do with her. (And I remember how respectful they were of all my wishes and was so grateful for that too.)
I remember getting settled into our room at the Royal Alexandra Hospital and taking her out of the bassinet and sleeping with her next to me all night. Okay, she slept and nursed... and slept and nursed some more and I just stared at her beautiful chubby cheeks for 6 hours straight.
I remember getting her dressed the next morning and anxiously awaiting our pediatrician to give us the green light to go home. We went home exactly 12 hours after she was born.
I remember Little C meeting her for the first time and how gentle and inquisitive he was. And how when I nursed her, he wanted in on the action too and what an incredibly amazing moment it was the first time I tandem nursed my two babies.
I look at my daughter now and I see me. A little dark-haired, hazel brown eyes me, but me nonetheless.
And in seeing myself in her face and her little quirks and expressions, I can't help but hope that she will be better than me.
Better at loving herself and seeing herself as the amazing person that she is.
Better at knowing her mind, trusting her instincts, and never letting anyone take these things away from her.
And I hope that she will always know how much she is loved, admired and respected by me.
I do not see her fulfilling any of my dreams or aspirations...
...I see her soaring in a world that she makes for herself, one in which a strong, beautiful and likely very feisty girl is celebrated and has a world of possibilities before her.
I love you my girl.
Happy Birthday.
Love,
Mommy~
P.S. Tonight at Blissdom Canada we had the opportunity to watch an amazing documentary called MissRepesentation, a film about the misrepresentation of women and girls by the media and the subsequent underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence.
It is a powerful and very thought and emotion provoking film. It made me step back and think about the world my daughter, and my son, are growing up in. How the choices of what we watch on TV, the magazines we read and the films we see affect our views of people (especially women and girls) and the world around us!
I have just taken the Represent Pledge and I highly encourage you to see the film and take it too!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gkIiV6konY[/youtube]
I am thankful that we can build a dream!
The Thanksgiving weekend means a lot to my family. It is the weekend that Natural Urban Dad and I got married eight years ago. Is is our favourite time of year and 3 years ago it was my last weekend of being pregnant with Princess L. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and not the least of these is that we are building our dream home.
Here are the latest updates on the progress of the Natural Urban Home. {And can I just say again that I LOVE, love, love our builder!!}
The second level of ICF (insulated concrete forms) went up very fast and we actually missed the concrete pouring day. You can really get a sense of the shape of the house now and the kids are getting so much more excited about it. They ask if we can walk or bike or drive by the new house almost every day.
The best day so far, at least for Little C, was when we stopped by the house one day and caught them using a truck crane to hoist our main support beam into place. He was in 4 year old boy heaven and all I could think was, "Please DO NOT wreck my trees!!" Well, you can hear my pleas in the background of the video!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sv1Ri_YlSo[/youtube] And with the beams in place the roof trusses went up in record time. And I am so impressed with our site foreman, Steven. Not only is he one of those construction dudes that is not hard on the eyes (ahem....no...that is not why I drive by every day), he did most of the truss work BY HIMSELF and with sheer muscle and man power!!
The roof line of our house is not quite flat (it has a 1/12 pitch for all you home building geeks) and as such the roofing is somewhat different. We are going with a metal roof and the prep work for that involves laying 2 X 4 for a 2 inch gap and then plywood over these and then membranes and then the roofing materials. They are almost done the prep work and the membrane is down on at least half of the house.
And this means that once the roof is all closed and prepped for the metal, the guys can start framing the interior of the house. When I spoke with Steven last week and told him that I would like to be in the house for March 2012, he said, "Well, that's good, because we are aiming to be finished in January."
Needless to say, everything is on track with our dream home and I am so very thankful for all the people involved in making this a reality for our family. Big thank yous to our architect, Mike Scezny from Fuse Architecture + Design, our interior designer, Dawn from Dawn Stiles Design and Grant and his team from Serenity Contracting and Design.
And I will leave you with this....
My new incredible view from the kitchen into our backyard! (Ok, so it doesn't look like much just yet, just use your imagination!)
Thankful and blessed,
Natasha~