Choosing a better hill

There is no shortage of divisive topics in our world these days. Gun control, abortion, gay rights, how you feed your baby, team Jacob vs. team Edward... just to name a few. But the one that seems to get no less than at least a half a dozen mentions a day on my twitter feed alone, and that is nothing when you look at the plethora of dedicated Facebook, reddit and tumblr sites, is none other than the Great Leggings Debate!  Now for the record, and in the interest of full disclosure, I have been firmly entrenched in the "leggings are NOT pants" camp for quite some time. I did not wear leggings for anything other than the gym or yoga, I held off for a long time on buying any kind of jean that resembled a legging or hugged too tight (or was officially called a "jegging") and even though I sometimes peruse sites like Blackmilk to see the latest in printed styles, I have always resisted the urge to buy. I have gotten into heated discussions with friends about the legging. I have been accused of policing others choices because of my stance on leggings. And yes, I have even sent my 4-year old daughter back to her room to add a skirt or a longer top or dress to her outfit because of my strict leggings rules.

In my world, leggings ARE NOT PANTS.

A week ago I read a post from Amanda Hess over at Slate's XX Factor and by golly, I think this woman is on to something.  For one thing, she fully agrees with me that leggings are not pants.

Pants are great if you’re a woman with the perfectly-calibrated corporate-sanctioned ratio of waist to ass to leg. What are you, a ringer for the jeans industry? It’s time to stop squeezing our lower bodies into constrictive denim prisons and instead envelope them in a forgiving cotton-spandex jersey. Never again will we be forced to choose between visible ass-crack and bulging muffin top.

She goes on to list some very compelling reasons why leggings are in fact far superior to pants. They are sturdy, footless (think toe seams on tights), don't bind us with control tops and are as she puts it "the sartorial equivalent of a warm bath."  There was nothing in her post that I could argue with and much that I laughed out loud to.

Last Sunday as my daughter and I spent the day at the mall, I stopped into one of my favourite new stores, LOLE. It is an active wear clothing store that is bright and beautiful and it makes me happy every time I walk through it. They happened to be having a 30% off sale and without hesitation I grabbed these leggings, headed to the till and bought them on the spot. I didn't even try them on. I just knew. I knew they were the ones.

I went home and put them on immediately. And I fell in love, or as Amanda so aptly puts it, into a warm leg bath. She was so right! Leggings really are superior to pants. Pants do nothing but make you focus on your bodies short comings. If they are not too tight in one area, they are too low in another. How often do you hear of a woman's incessant search for the perfect pair of jeans! I know I have yet to find them. But these leggings, with their lycra goodness, are sheer perfection!

My rules do still apply to them. I will not wear them without covering up my bum (and front) and the preferable footwear choice is still a boot. These are my rules folks, if you choose to adopt them as your own, be my guest. If not, I am not going to judge. Your body, your clothing choices, your life. If this is how you feel comfortable, who am I to be the one to tell you otherwise. Perhaps it is my age (or the wisdom of my years), but I appreciate comfort a lot more these days. I also have a thing for knee high socks and boots right now and the legging really works with this look.

So YES! I am throwing up the proverbial white flag, surrendering myself to the spandex-y goodness and donning my leggings with comfort and yes, some pride too!

And to be perfectly honest, fighting about what someone chooses to put on their legs is not the hill I want to die on.

What actions do you choose when confronted with those who don't see things as you do? Do you fight? Do you argue? Do you negotiate? Do you surrender? Let me tell you something right now. If you live more than a few days you will find conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. You don’t have to fight about everything. Even the Marines have a saying, "Choose the hill you want to die on." If you must fight about something, if there must be that thing that will make you raise your voice, grind your teeth and pound your fist on a desk, let it be something that has to do with respect, dignity and integrity; or someone's attempt to deny another of one or all three of those things.

 ~ Demitri C. Kornegay

My legs, my leggings, my pride socks!!

Peace out!

natasha~

#40silverlinings: Catching up on a weeks worth!

OK, fine, almost two weeks.

#22. A massage. A beautiful hour and a half all to me, about me and for me! And I booked another one too!!

#23. My slow cooker. Coming home to a meal that is cooked and ready to eat is the BEST THING EVER. Now if only I could get more organized and on this for more days in the week.

#24. 2.5 pounds. That is how much weight I have lost in the last couple of weeks. It's not a lot, but slow and steady is going to win this race.

#25. SCHMUTZIE!! And Palinode too! A night out in real life with two of my favourite internet folks. They is good people yo!

#26. My new front teeth. I am the only one who really notices them, but I feel damn sexy with these new chompers! {And the ability to eat apples again!}

#27. Jen Banks and her obsessive need to see more seasons of Sons of Anarchy. And Netflix. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

#28. My kid doing a Foghorn Leghorn impression mid conversation with himself that almost made me fall off the bed laughing. Teletoon Retro for the win!

#29. And this. An artistic breakthrough for my little dinosaur aficionado. I am one proud mama! In case you are wondering... THIS is a Spinosaurus, biggest mofo of the Cretaceous period!

Here's to tomorrows silver lining, whatever it may be!

natasha~

The ultimate {according to me} babywearing resource post. (with links)

It has been a while since I wrote anything about babywearing. To be honest, I really miss picking out a carrier for the day and wearing one of my babies. The problem is that at 6 and 4.5 years old, they really are not babies anymore. The tables have turned and they are the ones doing any kind of baby doll/stuffie/dinosaur wearing around here lately, and to this I say, Huzzah!! My work here is done! I have spawned a new generation of babywearers! And since I am no longer in the business of selling baby carriers, I thought I would pull together some of my favourite and most trusted babywearing resources, retailers and information. All for you to bookmark for future reference, to forward to your expecting friends, and to peruse at your leisure.  Please know that none of this post is sponsored in any way and all of the information I am posting here is purely what I think is the best out there and these are my opinions and my favourites for reasons of quality, content, common sense and customer service.

I'll get the ball rolling with my own two very popular posts that cover a lot about what babywearing is and the myths that surround this wonderful parenting practice.

In Babywearing Myths and Misconceptions: Part 1, I debunk the myths about babies "not liking the Snugli", being to big to be worn in a carrier and babywearing creating "clingy" babies. In Babywearing Myths and Misconceptions: Part 2, I talk about safety and babywearing and how we are all turning into barefoot hippies! You can find all of my other babywearing posts here, including reviews of baby carriers, my views on FFO (front facing out) and other lovely tidbits from my babywearing days.

There are two babywearing manufacturers in particular whom I think are doing an incredible job not only with the design of their babycarriers, but also with the caliber of research and information that they share on their blogs, websites and via social media.

Onyababy has some incredible articles that you can access HERE. And you can read my review of the Onyababy carrier here.

The Boba website has an incredible series of research articles on their site that are my go to references for a lot of facts about babywearing and the incredible health benefits that it has for all babies (and care-givers too!). And yes, I did review a Boba 3G carrier too.

Videos. Tutorials. How EXACTLY do I get this baby ON me? 

I get these questions a lot and a general search for babywearing on Youtube can get pretty confusing if you don't know exactly what you should be looking for. Don't fret mamas, I have a couple of suggestions for where to start.

My friend Erin at Cosy Baby Happy Mommy has a pretty extensive babywearing tutorial video library on her Youtube channel and with a lot of practice, you'll get it, I promise.  I also really like the videos from Je Porte Mon Bebe (JPMBB). Although most of them are in French, you should be able to find the English versions or get the gist of them, and also the videos from Beth at Babyette Boutique are great for that ever elusive proper ring sling fit!

Now, since you can't actually buy anything from me anymore, where do you go to purchase your new baby carrier?

While I do think it is important to try out a few carriers if you can before you purchase one, I would like to give you a list of my favourite retailers (online and brick and mortar stores).

Tadpoles and Butterflies is a Canadian online retailer and probably has the most extensive selection of baby carriers you can find. These mamas have been doing babywearing for A LONG time and will be able to help most anyone find a carrier that works for them.

PAXbaby in the USA is a veritable online babywearing superstore and carries a wide array of amazing baby carriers to fit every taste and budget. They even have a rental program so you can try before you buy.

For those of you who are local to the Edmonton area, I highly recommend Birth Source Inc. as a starting place for your babywearing journey. The wonderful staff there are all experienced babywearers and will set you up with the right carrier for you and your baby.

I know that this is a lot of links and information, but I wanted to put it all in one place for you to have as a reference point.

And just remember, babywearing is not about having the newest, most expensive or most sought after print in this carrier or that wrap. It is about carrying your baby close to you, giving it the love and nurturing it needs and helping you get on with your day. Babywearing is about making things a bit easier for you and giving you a sense of security and confidence in your parenting as well.

Now, go forth and babywear my little grasshoppers!

All my {babywearing}love,

Natasha~

Sharing

In an effort to become a more organized and cohesive family unit, my husband and I have started sharing our iCalendars. We now know exactly where we are at all times, what activities the kids have, when any and all appointments are, and, as of last night, when my menstrual cycle starts. Yes. You read that right. My menstrual cycle is now in my husbands calendar and "in the Cloud".

The past few weeks have been particularly tough for me and I honestly couldn't figure out why. I have been extremely moody, irritable and VERY emotionally volatile. I mean, I almost burst into tears at soccer registration because C has to play on the Under-8 team and not the Under -6 team with all his school friends. That incident alone should have clued me in to what was going on.

But no, I just kept thinking I was staring at the beginning of my mid-life crisis and was slowly losing my mind. My poor husband even told me last week that he was afraid to say anything to me for fear of my response or interpretation of his {innocent} words. My kids noticed too and one day my 4 year old said to me that she thought I needed a nap because I was so grumpy. :(

In the past 24 hours, I started putting two and two together thanks to the like-clockwork arrival of dear Aunt Flo.

Have you seen that new Poise commercial? The one with various women of my {ahem} age range, talking about "the change"? Here it is for those of you who haven't.

The women in the commercial talk about having a "second talk". About how your body is changing yet again and that we should really be having another open and honest chat about it. I for one, am all for this. I don't know if I am truly going through any kind of change at the moment, but I am probably at the beginning of it and SOMETHING is going on.

Hormone changes, body changes, hair growing in new places (just ask Tanis about that one!).  These things happen and no one really talks about it! It's not like our moms are sitting us down with a nice cup of tea and some mini muffins and saying to us, "Now dear, let me tell you why you are going to need a really big tub of lube these days."

And the PMS!! Oh dear GAWD! I have never been one to experience really bad PMS. I was on the pill for a good portion of my {ahem} teen and adult life and then I had babies. I refuse to go back on any kind of hormonal birth control after my IUD experience and so here I am. Forty-one years old and expereincing real PMS for the first time in my life. Or as I have just found out, what could very well be PERImenopause. 

You didn't know about that pre-phase of the change now did you?  SEE, we really do need to have that second talk!!

Perimenopause is the phase that happens 1-5 years BEFORE actual menopause. And it can wreak havoc on all kinds of hormones; your estrogen levels, stress hormones, insulin hormones... ALL of them!

This stage of life is difficult to diagnose because most symptoms of perimenopause match up with those of PMS, or even just a bad day: Anger, anxiety, backache, bloating, mood swings, fuzzy thinking, loss of sexual desire, and irritability are a few examples. Women who don’t know they’re going through perimenopause may experience these symptoms for years and years without even considering that dropping hormone levels may be to blame. In the meantime, they may simply feel like there’s “something wrong” with them or that they’re going crazy. They may attribute their extra stress and irritability to the increasing pressures of advancing in their career or raising growing children.

I read the above paragraph and a light bulb went off in my head. OMG!! This is me! (See last post, where I reiterate the  "what is wrong with me, I think I am going crazy" thoughts as stated above!)

So there you have it folks.

My name is Natasha and I am perimenopausal!

And in an effort to track this, keep an eye out for the mood swings, fuzzy thinking and irritability and to ensure the continued functioning of my family and my marriage, my husband now has this in his calendar for next month. He says he is good with it, because now he knows exactly when he is more likely to get some action! I love how he sees the silver lining in this (even if AF is arriving on Date Night and will be the awkward third wheel).

Feeling better, yet also, very old,

natasha~

keep calm and carry on

I started writing something last night and three hours in my husband had to stop me because I had started weeping. It was the kind of crying where the tears are like a leaking faucet and they just don't stop. It wasn't pretty. I am not sure what triggered this kind of response from me. Perhaps it was the culmination of a long and trying week. Maybe it was PMS. Might have been the 2, 4, 6, shot I don't know, but look at the mess I am in.... {Sorry, couldn't help myself.}

In the end, I kept the post. It's one for the private vault. Just for me, to read again when I need that kind of purge. The problem is that all day I have been analyzing my feelings about it and keep coming back to this part.

I have moments lately where I look at myself and I wonder if I really do know myself. Do I know what my purpose in life is and am I living that fully? How exactly am I making my mark?

A lot of questions I know. Yes, I am a mother and I am making my mark by moulding the minds of these two little people in my care, and that is the single greatest (and scariest) responsibility and privilege in my life. Perhaps it is because I am not as young as I used to be and that feeling of “Go forth and DO something BIG and meaningful” seems to be slipping away as the years go by. Maybe this is a normal kind of thing that happens to people when our own parents die. We see their lives, their regrets, the things that they wish they had done differently and wonder if we too will be on our death beds, asking for forgiveness, wishing we had done more, trying to find peace, hoping it was all enough.

For some crazy reason, lately I feel like I am not doing that something big and meaningful that I am supposed to be doing. There is a floundering feeling floating around me and it really, really sucks. I feel like it is keeping me from being me, and also keeping me away from friends and those who care about me because I can't handle the simple questions of how I am and what I am doing now.

Tonight I read this post from Katherine Stone and her words struck me deeply.

Thinking you need to be a hero or change the world or make great strides or save lives or revolutionize things sounds impossible. Those things seem like things only special people, only heroes can do. You’re not fearless like that! To be fierce, though, sometimes all you have to do is limp across.

I think with this new space of mine, I put some rather high expectations on myself and I am afraid that I am disappointing not only you, my readers, but also myself. I am not though, am I? I forgot for a few minutes who I am and who I write for. I don't write posts for brands or sponsors or reviews of this or that. I don't write controversial posts just for pageviews (trust me on that one). I write for me. I write for connection with you. I write as a way to do that meaningful something or other.

This space is a work in progress. As am I. And as such, I am giving myself a break. No, not from writing. From expecting to write huge feminist manifestos and diatribes about how far we have come and how much farther we still have to go. I am giving myself a break from feeling like I have to somehow be a hero and save the world from itself.

So like the story in Katherine's post, I am going to limp my way forward into this and along the way, I know that my purpose, my raison d'etre will reveal itself.

I think I just need to take a few breaths and calm the f^*k down a bit first.

{BIG deep breath}

natasha~

#40silverlinings: Vet bills, zombies and Taylor swift

Some days the silver linings are harder to see. I haven't posted anything since last week. We have been busy. The kids had Thursday and Friday off because of teacher's convention and we had a lot going on.

I know the silver linings were there, I just had to look really hard for them through the fog of the migraine that I had for two days and a road trip on my own with two kids.

#17. A new vet who actually gave me some answers and proper treatment for my poor puppy's infected ears!

#18. My kids deciding to sing along to all songs on the radio these days and how cute C sounds when he is singing Maroon 5's 'Daylight' and the hilariousness of my 4 year old daughter belting out "We are never, ever, ever, getting back together!".

#19. Getting to know my step-mother (my late father's wife) better and seeing my kids embrace her as their 'new' Grandma.

#20. Realizing that I do not have to keep every single piece of paper my kids bring home from school and subsequently clearing out two bins of crafts and two binders full of said papers.

#21. Sunday night and zombies and Rick and the gang.

It's a new week and the sun is shining.

That is a good start.

Won't you join me in this quest for #40silverlinings and share with me your daily moments that shine?

Also, this is what happens after two hours on the road and less than five hours of sleep the night before. I'm warn you, it's not pretty!

[youtube]http://youtu.be/5uQ_inuD9FI[/youtube]

Till tomorrow,

Natasha~

I love my twitter stream....

Because I find hashtags like #MAKERSchat, that take me to the most inspiring, frustrating, idealistic, political and personal piece of television I have ever seen! I just spent the last 151 minutes watching Makers: Women who make America, and I highly recommend you watch it too. Download the video from iTunes, catch it again on PBS, find a friend who saved it on her PVR.

Just watch it.

It is our story, the story of women, the story that is not over...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/OOBo4hnk2g0[/youtube]

That my dears, is my silver lining for today (#16).

Good night my sisters!

Natasha~

this side of pro-choice

***Trigger warning: The following post covers the topic of abortion.

Please be aware of this while reading and sharing.***

** It also comes with some book spoilers too.** 

I am part of a book club. Really, who isn't these days?

We are a bunch of women from all walks of life that meet once every 6-8 weeks and drink wine and eat chocolate and cheese and yes, we even discuss books!

This past week was Book Club Week and I was especially looking forward to it, because, 1) I really needed a night out and said wine and chocolate and 2) I actually finished this month's book choice a whole week ahead of time.

The book was Caitlin Moran's half autobiography, half feminist manifesto, "How to be a Woman". And if you haven't read it already, then I highly recommend you get yourself in the queue for the e-book from your local library ASAP! (See what I did there? Talking like a Brit. QUEUE!)

I am not going to lie, I really LOVED this book. It has already inspired this post a few weeks ago and after the many discussions had at book club last week, I can't help but write even more.

Once we had all settled in with our wine and chocolate and a hand-full of mini Licorice Allsorts (SCORE!!), it was time to get the formal discussion part of the night underway. I wasn't surprised that the first question, "Do you consider yourself a feminist?", caused some in the room to hesitate with an answer. I think the definition of feminism (we had the 39-page Wikipedia print out) has undergone so many waves and permutations that most women are confused by its meaning and as such find it hard identifying with it as part of who they are. This was a good a place as any to get the discussion going and go it did!

And while the topic of feminism and it's definition generated a lot of good idea sharing and clarification for some, the one chapter that got the most air time and perhaps evoked the most emotion in all of us, was Caitlin's very candid, brutally honest chapter on abortion.

I had to read this chapter twice to really absorb it and to understand what she was trying to say in it. It is a touchy subject, no matter how you frame it and Caitlin forced me to reexamine my views on the subject from all angles. All I could think of afterwards was how much respect I had for this woman. Caitlin writes that in the few minutes after she learns of the pregnancy, the minutes that pass in which she imagines this baby, this boy's whole life, she says:

"I can't have you," I tell him sadly. "The world will fall in if I have you."

She goes on to describe her abortion in detail and also how easy this decision was for her to make. Some in my group saw this as narcissistic and selfish, and I would suspect they thought it very unmotherly of her. Everyone around the room claimed to be pro-choice, but a lot of them had a very hard time with the way that she described her unborn child, the abortion itself, and the speed with which Caitlin made her choice to have one.

But I got it.

And when I was reading this chapter all I could think about was two years ago, when B and I were discussing whether or not to have another child (also known as me insisting that I "had a feeling that I wasn't done" and him telling me that he didn't have it in him again), HE got it too. Way before I did.

..........

I believe that as mothers, we are programmed (and to varying extents, expected) to give and give and give. We have a child and all of a sudden the weight of the world is literally on our shoulders and God forbid you have an unmotherly thought in your mind or do something that does not fully acknowledge you as the self-sacrificing martyr that you somehow have now become. Sometimes we lose sight of how much of ourselves we are constantly giving. That for some it gets to the point that we are no longer happy, no longer fulfilled, feeling resentment, suffering in silence from anxiety and depression and just going through the motions of our lives. Why do we do this to ourselves? There is no prize for who sacrificed the most, who is the most giving, who loses themselves the most in this gig.

So why on earth would we ever tell a woman that all zygotes conceived must be born, or that she should not have that choice, especially if it indeed does mean that her world will fall in?

One of the mamas in our club said that the reason she wanted to have three children was because she wanted that sense of happy chaos in her family and not just the easiness of two kids. I understood what she meant, but her comments gave me pause and got me thinking more about this.

Who decides what level of chaos is "happy" for any family?

For some that may be three children, for others it is one child, for others still it may be 5 or 6, or if you are the Duggars it is 20+. Whatever your number is, what is important is that YOU know what that threshold is, that you know your capacity for love, for giving, for, as Caitlin so aptly puts it, "...being life support to someone who weeps for me and rages against me..." Because when it comes down to it, no matter how much we are told that it is, that capacity is NOT without its limits and without sacrificing something in return.

I left this chapter with a new understanding of what pro-choice means to me. It is not just about choosing to have an abortion or not, it is about choosing a life that is versus a life that may be. I have a deep respect for Caitlin and all other women like her, who are strong enough to make a choice that says, "THIS. This is all the family that I WANT, all that I NEED and I simply can not do more than this."  Her words and her story and her ease with which she made her decision, a decision based on her threshold for keeping her world together, keeping herself whole and sane, and made with no guilt or shame, made it very clear to me that so many of our choices in life (and especially in motherhood) are not made like that.

Last week Annie at Phd in Parenting took a closer look at the issue of choice and why it is seen as stalling feminism these days. The one line in her post that struck me the most was when she said,

"Shame is a barrier to social change, in feminism and in many other spaces."

And this is what was bothering me that night at book club. I was in the minority in my feelings about Caitlin's chapter and opinions on abortion and I couldn't understand why. Then I read Annie's post and it hit me, the other women in the room did not feel that Caitlin showed enough shame or guilt about her decision. That she was too flippant about it. That is was callous of her to describe this child and imagine his life, knowing full well that he was never to be born. The problem was that everyone was thinking about the potential child in this situation and not the ACTUAL WOMAN LIVING HER LIFE RIGHT NOW, who showed no shame in her decision and made it with a certainty that made a lot of people uncomfortable.

And then, two more very important questions and issues arose for me that night that I am realizing are quite complex and quite possibly rooted in some deep, deep patriarchy.

Why do we always question (and judge) the motives of a woman's decisions when it comes to her body and those she brings forth from it?

AND

Why are decisions made out of love (and knowledge) of ourselves as women and mothers almost always seen as inherently selfish?

I would love to hear what you have to say on this.

Natasha~