legacy
I just spent the last 2 hours in a cramped 3-bed hospital room with my 82-year-old Godmother.
This is the woman my daughter is named after. The woman who was a best friend to my grandmother, a kind of surrogate mother for my own mother and the woman at whose home I have the fondest memories of my childhood.
She is a pretty amazing woman and I am so incredibly thankful that she has always been a part of my life.
Talking with her today, we covered the usual. How the kids and Natural Urban Dad are doing, how goes the progress on the new house, and the usual chit-chat. And then the conversation took a turn that it often does with her.
She is ready to die. She actually wants to die.
Seven years ago this December, the love of her life, the man she was married to for 60 years, the man who left her a love note tucked under her pillow every day, passed away.
She wants to be with him again.
A few months ago, she had a fall at her home and her son found her unconscious on the floor (he woke up suddenly at 3 AM and told his wife he had to go check on his mom). She told me that during those few hours that she was technically in a coma, that she was at peace. She was floating. She was on her way to see her love.
And then she woke up.
Today we also talked a lot about her life in Europe as a child, how her mom died suddenly at the age of 38 when she was only nine and of her life during and after the war. She showed me her engagement ring and told me the story of how my Godfather had to buy the gold on the black market and designed the bow-shaped ring himself. She told me of all the love notes and little presents that he would leave for her under her pillow, for no other reason than just because he loved her so much.
This is the stuff that great love stories are made of people!
And then we started talking about my grandmother. Helen (we never called her Grandma) was also an amazing woman. All 90 pounds of her. My Godparents where the closest thing to family that she had and they know the most about her life. I only know tidbits. If I have one regret in this life it is that I did not spend more time with her and get her to tell me more about her life.
You see, I do not know who my grandfather is. Neither does my mother. Helen was a governess in the late 1940's for a rich family in the south of France. She fell in love with the married chauffeur and proceeded to get herself knocked up at the spinster-y age of 42. This is as much as I know. And as I found out today, this seems to be as much as anyone knows. I assume this situation was quite the scandal in those days and in 1952, two years after my mother was born my grandmother and my mother immigrated to Canada. Once here, I do know that there was a short marriage to another man, who died of a heart attack and then I think Helen just swore of off men forever.
What I found out today, is that my dear grandmother, this tiny woman whom I have held on such a pedestal my whole life, who expected so much from me, who was always so prim and proper, was actually quite the goof. My Godmother regaled me today with stories about Helen. I heard about her walking around nude all the time. Answering the door with nothing on and with nary a care in the world. We had quite the giggle today about her many naked antics.
Why am I going on and on about all of this?
Legacy.
That is why.
I still only have tidbits of my grandmother's life. I wish that she had journaled more, that she had written down her thoughts, her experiences, her perspective of being a single mother in the 1950's and 60's. I wish I could have known her more, understood her more and that I had more of her to remember.
My Godfather wrote his memoirs and his children had them bound into a hardcover book for him before he passed away. I asked my Godmother for a copy of that book today. It was all written in French, so it might take me a while to read it. But read it I will.
Sometimes I hear people make disparaging remarks about being a blogger. Oh, you are not a writer, you are just a blogger. And I realized something today. I am both. And I am neither. I write not only for myself, but for future generations too.
And this is my legacy.
This blog is the way that MY grand children will know me when I am not around anymore. They will know the funny me, the sad me, the advocate me, the Mommy me and the rant-y me! They will be able to read about how their parents were born, read about how and why we did things "in the old days" and see their parents through my eyes (and my camera lens).
They will be able to see how we built our dream home, the home that their parents grew up in, the one that they will get to come to for sleep-overs and holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.
Maybe one day I or the kids will take this blog and make it into a book. Not necessarily for mass production, just for the family to have a tangible connection to the woman I am/will be/was. So I will write. I will write for me, for my kids and for my grand kids. I will write for the women who came before me, for my mother and for my grandmother...
...and I will write for my Godmother. May she soon find peace and her one true love waiting for her with open arms and an eternal love note.
Natasha~
Bizarro World and a Foot Rub
Something weird happened last Sunday. And by weird I mean, like bizarro world, everything is backwards weird.
I worked the Mommylicious trade show in Edmonton on Sunday. I was on my feet from 9 Am until 4:30 PM fitting mamas and daddies with beautiful baby carriers and running the show's stroller check (check in your stroller and 'check out' a baby carrier while you shop). I also got to have some amazing sleepy 6-week-old snuggles with my friend's sweet baby girl who slept on me for about 2 hours! It was a great day.
And a long day.
Natural Urban Dad was home with the kids all day and I got a few texts from him as the day went on about what they were doing. Seems the kids were having a day of "let's not listen to Daddy and therefore not get to go to "Fish Mouth" with him." (Fish Mouth is what they call the undersea adventure area at West Edmonton Mall).
I know that he too was having a long day with the kids.
We all met for dinner at our favourite neighborhood sushi place after I was all done at the show, the kids behaved themselves rather well and then we headed home.
Once in the house, Natural Urban Dad proceeded to immersed himself into cleaning the kitchen.
All I wanted to do was sit down and put up my feet (which were totally KILLING ME) for five minutes and close my eyes after a long day, but no, the kids needed some mommy time.
And it was bath time and someone obviously wanted to be alone with the dishes.
And then it hit me!!
Like a weird bizarro world smack up side the head!
Natural Urban Dad was doing exactly what I usually do when he gets home.
I turn over the kids to him with an "I am DONE!" expression on my face and start cleaning up or cooking dinner. And I fully admit that for the most part I don't even think about how long or hard his day has been.
So I sucked it up, bathed the kids, got them ready for bed, read them a story and tucked them in.
And then I sat on the couch and asked for a foot rub.
I don't know if I have a real point to this post, except to say that NO ONE EVER WINS in this. Men and women have always had and will continue to have the "you have no idea how hard I work all day" discussions no matter who is with the kids and who is on the job. For me, I guess this day just really emphasized this dynamic in what we do at our house and made me realize that I need to appreciate my partner and what his day is like just as much as I expect him to appreciate all that I do in and around the house and with the kids every day.
We made our choices as a family. I would be the stay at home parent and he would be the working one. A lot of couples make this choice. It is important to keep the gratitude in our lives and for each other and remember to not take one another for granted. Each of us has an important job to do for the well-being and success of this family.
This past weekend was my reminder of this. Did Natural Urban Dad see the same thing? Maybe he did.
'Cause it was one very long and very nice foot rub!!
Natasha~
Cyber Monday at Natural Urban Mamas!
Well, Natural Urban Mamas is an ONLINE store, so we had to have a big Cyber Monday SALE!!
Head on over to the site and take advantage of our "ABC" SALE!! All discounts will be automatically applied at checkout.
Happy Shopping Everyone,
Natasha~
It's decision time....
As you may know, the past few months have been a struggle for me.
Personally, I have been dealing with my yearly seasonal blues demons and just barely keeping them at bay. It is getting better though and I have my fabulous little family and some really great friends (new and old) to thank for that. And a healthy dose of Vitamin D every day seems to be helping too!
Professionally, it has been a struggle as well. Working as a solo entrepreneur is hard work. Actually, it is VERY hard work. And doing so while also being the stay-at-home parent to two preschool-aged children makes it even harder. Somehow they NEED me more now then they ever have before (more on this later) and finding the time to focus on ALL of my babies is getting harder and harder.
Please understand that I love what I do.
I love being able to introduce parents to the incredible world of babywearing. I love helping anyone who asks about breastfeeding, natural birth, and the many aspects of 'green' parenting that I have garnered some knowledge of over the years. It makes my heart happy when I see the look of sheer relief and the physical relaxation of a mama's shoulders when she puts her baby in a proper, safe and beautiful baby carrier. And I seriously almost want to do a happy dance of joy when said baby is asleep in under 5 minutes of being in a new carrier.
I also love being able to find great products from both local and not-so-local mama-made and baby-inspired small businesses. It has always been part of my mission at Natural Urban Mamas to support local Canadian manufacturers and mainly mama-owned or family run smaller companies in North America and Europe. I have stayed true to this throughout the life of my business and I am so honoured to now call quite a few of these manufacturers and mamas some of my dearest friends.
I love the community of mamas that I have on the Natural Urban Mamas Facebook and Twitter pages. All 3800+ of you!! This is simply amazing to me! I appreciate your comments, feedback, funny posts, beautiful pictures and all the questions that you feel comfortable asking me. I love sharing wonderful and informative posts with you and introducing you to some of my favourite blogger friends, cool sites and general internet happy places! I also love how you all share so freely with me and with each other when questions are asked. This to me is a true community. We may not always see things the same way, but sharing ideas and learning from each other makes us all better! Thank YOU!
So why the struggle?
Running a retail company on your own (and on the internet) is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of job. You are the CEO, COO, CFO, Marketing department, Sales force, Purchaser, Accounting/Book-keeping department, Shipper/Receiver, often the IT department and the SEO/Social Media/Communications department as well. There is always something that needs doing to keep the business running smoothly and often this involves an investment of time or money. It is exhausting and to be completely honest, most of the time I am running low of both time AND money!
Here's the thing. When my business partner and I went our separate ways in late 2009, for the sake of simplicity and to avoid the addition of more legal fees (and to keep things from getting ugly), I had to pay her out. I don't really want to get into all the ridiculous details of this transaction (because I will just get angry again), but essentially Natural Urban Mamas has not yet been able to climb out of the hole that this 'pay-out' created. And I don't see it doing so anytime soon. You know that old saying, "you need to spend money to make money", well, at this point, there is just not enough money to spend!
So at this point I am NOT loving the day-to-day running of Natural Urban Mamas, the business. And not just because of the financial factor. It is the time factor too.
Like I mentioned above, my children need me more now than they have before. Little C will be 5 years old in two weeks and he is more inquisitive than ever. He has questions that need well thought out answers! LOTS of questions. Princess L is in the weird and wonderful transition phase from toddler to preschooler and is figuring out that she is not a baby anymore. There is a lot of independence and then very strong attachment going on at our house these days. I need to be there for my littles. It is not just my physical presence that they need, it is more of my mental and emotional presence too and I don't want to deny them any of this. Unfortunately, because I squeeze in work hours when and where I can throughout the day, I feel like I am doing just that.
And it is not just the kids, my husband needs me too.
We both knew that this year was going to be a tough one for us. Financing and building a new house can be rough on any relationship. And although yes, this is our third time doing it, I fully admit that it seems way harder this time around. I think we are both feeling a lot of pressure to really GET IT RIGHT with this house and have a lot of our heart and soul and hopes and dreams wrapped up in this little construction project. And a lot of the decisions about the house come down to me. I am the one visiting the site almost every day to ensure that our dream is taking shape as we planned. I am the one talking to the trades people (I am there so often, that the guys have all started calling me Nat, it's my site nickname). I am the one trying to keep us all on budget. So you see, I have yet another job to add to the list -- unofficial Construction Site Supervisor!
You can imagine that with all of this going on - the store, the kids, and the house - Natural Urban Dad and I don't get a whole heck of a lot of alone time together. And we NEED it! All marriages need this. For us we especially need our time together because of all that is going on! Even if it is just an hour a week at Starbucks or a walk through the mall holding hands, we need that time to reconnect and know that WE matter as a team, a couple and yes, as lovers too! (oh, he is so going to love that!) We are the foundation that all else is built on and we have to keep that foundation strong.
Over the past few weeks, it has become glaringly apparent to me that certain things in my life need to change. I need to change. I am no longer completely happy with the path I am on and I need to find a new way, a better way to keep living my purpose and my passion without losing my mind! This week I sought the advice of a fellow entrepreneur I recently met IRL and for whom I have always had mad respect for... and then she posted THIS! I swear to God, it was like she jumped into my head and then wrote her post. And I can't thank her enough. (Big Super Hugs for Alex from @Clippo!!)
And so here is what is going to happen now. I am taking a page from Alex's book.
Natural Urban Mamas, the store, will be closed from December 12, 2011 until January 31, 2012.
During this time I will be figuring out what is best for me and my family and also for Natural Urban Mamas. I will continue to write on the blog (I have a couple of carrier reviews coming up and some step-by-step carrier instructional posts too) and also keep the Facebook page current. I will be available for babywearing or baby carrier advice via Facebook or Twitter, but will not be running any babywearing workshops during December or January.
I appreciate your patience and understanding and your continued support while I work through this challenge and transition in my life and my business.
Thank you,
Natasha~
Friend?
You know when you write a word over and over and over and over...and eventually it starts to look somehow wrong?
Or when you use a word over and over and over and over, like "OMG, I love that sweater!", "I love that movie!", "I love that couch!", "I love these socks", "I love pomegranate lip gloss!" and eventually the word LOVE loses some of its true meaning and meaningfulness?
I think this is what has happened to the word and perhaps by extension, the concept of a FRIEND. Quite specifically in the realm of social media.
I write this after almost a month of not writing a whole lot because of personal issues and insecurities about myself and my place in this online world and with my friends within it.
Recently on Facebook, I was 'un-friended' and blocked from someones personal page. I did not think this was a big deal. We are not very close and have more of a professional relationship than a personal one. I read her status update before she removed me (and quite a few other people too) and I respected her decision to keep her page personal and for her close friends and family members.
Remember when that was what we used Facebook for? To keep our friends and family updated on our lives. Remember how fun it was to post pictures of the kids and our vacations for all our friends and family to oooh and ahhh over? When we could write personal messages on our pages and not worry about who was lurking about to see where we are and who we are with and who we are talking to? When no one was taking screen shots of our pages and forwarding them on in emails to other people for God knows what reasons? When every App on earth wasn't asking to 'GeoTag' you and announce to the world where you are "checking-in"?
Back then (a whole two years ago, if that even), you had maybe about 67 friends on your Facebook page and hadn't even heard of Twitter. And every one of those friends was either AT your wedding or at one of your birthday parties in the past 5 years!
So, {at least in my mind}, this begs the question....
Has the inescapable realm of Wifi, and unlimited data plans and Twitter and Facebook and Google+ and FourSquare and... and... and... completely wrecked our understanding, interpretation and definition of FRIENDSHIP?
Think about this for a minute.
How many of your {insert number here} Facebook friends would drop everything and come over to watch your kids if you were stuck in bed with the worst flu of your life? How many would dog-sit for you in an emergency? How many would buy you coffee and give you an ACTUAL hug if you were having a really bad day? How many would pick up the phone and call you....or even have your direct phone number for that matter?
What then constitutes a true friend? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of the word is this:
Definition of FRIEND
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteemb:acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostileb: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4 : a favored companion
I do believe that there are levels of friendship and some friendships are closer than others. Some are deeper. Some are based on a long history together, some on mutual life experiences, some on similar belief systems and some on the simple foundation of a love of all things shoes. And these days, some are IRL and some are SOF (strictly online friend - I think I just made that up).
For the sake of full disclosure, I have ONE Best Friend. I have known her for over 20 years and she has seen me in all my good, bad, ugly, beautiful, sick, elated, sad-beyond-belief and so-excited-I-could-fly glory! And I hers. And we RARELY talk via social media.
On the other hand, I have 190 Facebook Friends. And if I sat down and set up some form of criteria for who and what I truly believe a friend is, I know that this number would decrease significantly. Or at least be divided into categories.
I found this post by Kristen Tennant about the four levels of friendship and I think she does a pretty good job of describing these levels or categories.
Category 4 friends are people you say hello to and maybe stop and chat for a while if you run into them at the cafe or bar. They’re probably friends of yours on Facebook, but if it weren’t for Facebook, they would have almost no clue what’s going on in your day-to-day life.
Category 3 friends encompass a lot of people like co-workers, members of your church or community, the parents of your kids’ friends, and others you see and talk to regularly but don’t necessarily go out of your way to get together with. Every once in a while, you might decide to call them up and see if they want to meet you for lunch, or you might invite them to a big party you’re having, but the expectations of your relationship are low and the interactions are casual.
Category 2 friends can get more complicated, because the relationship is deeper, but the expectations often aren’t clear. They’re your go-to friends when you feel like getting a group of people together on a Saturday night, or you want to go out to dinner to celebrate a birthday, or you feel like inviting someone over for dinner. These are the friends you spend time with once or twice a month, but I also think we keep ourselves (or our hearts?) at a bit of a distance, to protect ourselves from feeling left out, hurt, or disappointed when they don’t come through.
And Category 1 friends? I think I would describe them exactly the way my nine-year-old daughter would: They understand you—they get who you are at your core, which means you can completely be yourself around them, without worrying what they will think. Category 1 friends like to spend time doing the things that you like doing best. And they always want to see you. Whenever you feel the urge to see them, they’re ready and waiting, thrilled to see you if they can possibly make it happen.
Now, no, I am not about to go and categorize everyone on my Facebook page, but I will make the case for having Lists on Twitter and Facebook and deciding how much you want to interact or share with these lists. You can set these criteria in your account privacy and settings pages on both platforms and on Facebook, no one knows when they are added/removed from one of your lists and on Twitter you can make both private and public lists.
How you use social media is of course your prerogative. These are after all your pages and what you do with them is your choice. So if you want to remove me, un-friend me, un-follow or block me from your friend list or your feed because we really are not much more than acquaintances or we have more of a business relationship than a personal one, go ahead, it is OK.
I will not be offended and I will respect your wishes.
And if need be, I generally know how to get in touch with you outside of stalking ...uhm, I mean, social media.
Natasha~
P.S. And now for my favourite song about Facebook by the incredible Kate Miller-Heidke. (WARNING: EXPLICIT LYRICS-NOT FOR THE KIDDIES!!)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0FdR7dEAYU[/youtube]
P.P.S. I'm BaaaAAAAACK!!!
Photo Credit: Wonderbra Print Ad. 2009. Reza Behnam-photographer.
feeding the soul
We shopped for the food. 5 Kg of ground turkey.
3000 grams of pasta.
300 ounces of Marinara sauce.
LOTS of fruit and veggies.
Too much oregano (I am SO not good at conversions).
And garlic, lots and lots of garlic.
We gathered at The House in the big red kitchen and unloaded all our bags.
And for a few minutes we looked at everything piled on the big centre island and then at each other and almost panicked!
Feeding 30 families for the Home for Dinner program at the Ronald McDonald House™ of Northern Alberta is no small task! And yet, this is what three of the businesses from the Local4Local4Local program did this past Tuesday.
We may not have seemed a likely team, but we all had our roles and we worked well together. Kristi Larson from Bellies Maternity was in charge of the fruits and veggie trays. Maurice Tellier from The Koch Ford Lincoln group was our 'muscle' and also our amazing onion chopper and meatball roller. And I was in charge of the general timing of all the ingredients and dishes and the sauce and yes, I was the bossy one.
We arrived at the house just before 3 PM. I had also managed to convince my nanny, the fabulous Maria Sellis from Cupcake Addiction, to come as well and that meant she had double duty keeping an eye on my kids and helping out in the kitchen. If I have not mentioned this before..SHE IS AMAZING!! (And NO, you can not have her!)
If you have never been to the Ronald McDonald House in Edmonton (or your own city), then I encourage you to call and book a tour. They really are amazing establishments and provide what sick kids need the most - their families. The Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton is a leader in heart surgery for kids and three of the families we met Tuesday night had a child recovering from heart surgery or one who was waiting for their surgery date. Being able to stay in the house gives these families a home away from home, a chance to stay close to their kids and to keep their families together during these hard times.
As you walk through the huge common dining room, complete with a train-themed table for the kids and two big play areas, you hear conversations about g-tubes and pic lines. You see four-year olds, in cute red and purple slippers, walking around with their IV poles getting 'fed' through the aforementioned tube. You see whole families of siblings gathering around a table for a snack while Mom holds their 4 month old sleeping baby brother, the one who just had open-heart surgery.
I wanted to sit and talk to more of the families and hear their stories, but we had a job to do. We were there to feed these moms and dads and brothers and sisters. And so we worked. Kristi chopped and arranged. Maurice and Maria chopped and rolled. I stirred and mixed and cooked. And somehow, we managed to get into a good kitchen groove. We had the sauce simmering on one stove top, the pasta cooking on the other and rotating trays of turkey meatballs baking in both ovens.
And amidst all of this, my amazing children played. They played with each other and with the kids of the house. They played like there was nothing 'wrong' with anyone. Little C found himself an adorable little guy to play with and they were inseparable all night long. Princess L found a doll stroller and another little girl and they played house for a bit. She is still getting used to playing with other kids besides her brother and would come and hang out in the kitchen with us for a while and then head back to the play area for more fun with Little C and his buddy.
By 5:40 PM, our meal was almost ready. We made Spicy Turkey Meatballs in Marinara Sauce over linguine (thanks to Allium Foodworks for this yummy recipe), veggies with tzatziki dip and fruit and yogurt for dessert. The front office made an All-Call to the residents of the house and they started to come down for dinner. One of my biggest fears going into this night was that we would not have enough food for everyone. We had PLENTY of food! The families that were home enjoyed the meal and thanked us for coming and cooking for them. Seeing everyone gathered at the tables in the common dining room and eating our dinner was great. Natural Urban Dad arrived about then and we all sat down and had dinner as a family with the house families. And when everyone was done we packed up all the leftovers and put them in the fridge for all the families that were still at the hospital to enjoy later when they made it back to the house.
The whole experience at the house was amazing for me, and I suspect for Kristi, Maurice and Maria as well. It may be just one meal, but it was one meal that these parents didn't have to worry about. One meal that nourished their bodies, so that they can keep going and stay strong for their babies. It was one night out of our lives to go and do good for others. One night to show my kids what it means to give freely of ourselves and to serve those in need.
I have to thank Kristi Hammond for creating the Local4Local4Local group and providing this opportunity for local businesses to come together to do such a good thing for the residents of our local Ronald McDonald House™. I also would like to give a shout out to our local food suppliers, Serben Free Range, The Italian Centre and Kuhlmann's Market Gardens.
I am looking forward to my next Home for Dinner night at the House and I encourage anyone interested to check out the program, grab a bunch of friends, your favourite recipe and head on over for a great night of cooking, camaraderie and good karma!
Natasha~
Is Blue one of the colors of Fall?
October sucks!
There I said it.
I LOVE Fall, it is by far my favourite season of the year. I long to see the leaves changing and the myriad of colors in the river valley and feel the crispness in the air.
But somewhere around the middle of October this all changes for me.
The leaves fall off the trees, it gets cold outside, the days become noticeably shorter and somewhere in all of this my mood shifts.
Two years ago, when Princess L was just one, it was so bad that I had to get some help and started to see a therapist for a few months. I attributed that time to some latent postpartum depression, but in hindsight, I think it was my usual seasonal blues. Last year I just pushed through it.
I remember a time in University when I did not get out of bed for about 2 weeks and suffered from some pretty severe panic attacks when I did manage to leave the house. That year was the worst of it.
As far back as I can remember, at least in my adult life, this time of year is just not great for me. And this year is turning out to be no different.
You would think that this would not be the case. All looks or seems great from the outside. I attended not one, but two awesome blogging conferences in the past month. I landed a sweet co-editor position with an up and coming online mom's website. I am probably in the best shape physically that I have been in in years, thanks to some personal dedication and my amazing trainer. I was nominated for an award recognizing my abilities as an entrepreneur AND a mother. And I continue to do what I love, surrounded by the people who I love.
So why so sad, so uninterested....so tired ALL THE TIME!?
I know what depression is. I can recognize the symptoms, I know the chemical reasons behind why it happens and yes, I know how to treat it. I have seen depression in friends and family and colleagues and I have lost someone to the darkness that it is as well. I spent years of my life and in my previous career learning about, marketing and selling antidepressants.They are life savers for so many people, but I personally just don't like going that route. I feel like I take enough meds as it is to keep my rheumatoid arthritis controlled and I don't like to overload my body with too many synthetic chemicals to process.
And so I am pushing through. Getting through one day at a time and trying to keep my head above water (or often above the piles of laundry). Some days are better than others and some days I wonder if other things that I can't control are affecting me as well.
Today was kind of one of the latter. I wonder if my mood is also affecting others? If I am no fun to be around and if that makes me less likely to be invited to playdates or get-togethers? I wonder if I have alienated some friends as of late and then I also wonder why I am wondering this? If they are truly my friends should this be an issue? Should I not be able to talk my friends about this?
And now I am wondering if I should even be writing this post. But I am 500 words in so I am just going to keep going....
Tomorrow is November. I know the days are getting even shorter and colder, but I will keep going. I am going to love on my little people and bask in their sweet innocent goodness and silliness. Natural Urban Dad and I are going away for a weekend to our happy place at Jasper Park Lodge to reconnect and focus on US as a couple. And I am going to write. I am going to write lots of things. Lists to keep my days on track, meal plans to keep me better organized and blog posts both here and on Mom Nation to feed my soul, to purge my brain of the many thoughts that often keep me up at night, and to keep me going.
This will pass...it always does (usually right before Christmas).
So please bear with me as I get this little seasonal beastie under control and find my way back to my happy place within.
Sincerely,
Natasha~
Finding my Blogging Bliss
Two weeks ago I went to my first big blogging conference.
And I learned a few things about myself.
I am a writer.
And a business woman.
And a mom.
And a wife.
A friend. A fan. A partner.
A very bad singer.
And one hell of a One Man Wolf Pack.
I was very excited about going to Blissdom Canada 2011. I bought my ticket the hour they went on sale and suspect that I might have gotten THE last one available that day! And fresh off of my time at ShesConnected two weeks prior, I thought I had a 'plan' going into this one. Yet once again, what I came out with was so much more and not really what I had planned at all. And to be perfectly honest, in reading some of the other attendees posts after the conference, I have learned and discovered even more. About myself and what it is that I want to give and get in this world we call the "blogosphere".
First and foremost what I want is hours and hours more to sit and talk with a few very special people who I met. I have been doing a lot of back reading this week of some pretty amazing blogs and wishing with all my heart that I had more time with their writers. Thank goodness for Twitter and comments and all the multiple ways we can still 'talk' to each other online. Otherwise, I think I might descend into a deep depression!
Secondly what I want or maybe what I got was perspective. As in, what we think we want is not always what we need. On day one of the conference at the CBC Live Welcome Reception, I was interviewed by Social Media Week and was quoted in their #BlissdomCanada post this past week. In it I am referred to as the Healthy Business Blogger and when I spoke to the interviewer I was focused on my 'plan', I talked about how I was at Blissdom to build momentum for my blog and interest from the brands and sponsors present to get them to venture West to the great Prairie plains that we blog from! This may still be part of the plan, but after the two days of sessions, the screening of the documentary MissRepresentation and the many conversations with my fellow bloggers, with the brands and sponsors present and with other small business owners like myself that walk a fine and often very different social media line that others, the 'plan' has been refined.
I think there are some really great companies out there that I am very excited to work with. And essentially what I took away from Blissdom and from reading some great post-conference posts from the likes of Alex from @Clippo, @BonStewart and Annie from @PhdinParenting, is that at Natural Urban Mamas, I am here for YOU. And I will NEVER compromise my voice, my talent, my writing or my opinions for the almighty dollar. If and when I do work with brands, they will be in line with my values, they will ADD value to you, my readers and they will be fun people to work with! You know...like you and me! ;)
Once I wrapped my brain around this and took a step away from the "Business" track of the conference, I was able to connect and get to know some rather amazing women and a few cool dudes too and focus on the 'why we do what we do' part of blogging.
I ended up attending more of the Art Track sessions at the conference than the Commerce Track (not what I thought I would do, but these were the people and rooms that I was drawn to). The 'Social Media for Social Good" session was a very big reminder of how we can change the world and how a simple harnessing of the power of social media and directing it to "do good" for others can really affect change. I had a hard time keeping the tears from streaming down my face as I sat at my table with the incredible Heather Hamilton (@tjzmommy) and watched a video of her sweet baby boy Zach, who is gone now, but who lives on in the hearts and on the Twitter avatars of so many with that tiny little Elmo. The most powerful message that I got from that session was that it is not always about doing big things and changing the world, sometimes it is simply about doing something to change even one person's life. And we can all do that.
Next up was the session on 'Taking your Craft to the Next Level'. This session appealed to the perfectionist in me. Spelling and grammar matter to me, and it seems that I need to get myself a writing Style Guide too!! Seriously--if you ever find a typo in my posts, please send me a DM or email so I can fix it! The panel consisted of some great writers, including the very funny Karen Green (@Karengreeners) who had one of my favourite lines of the day..."I am not interested in winning the internet, I want to win a Pulitzer!" and the every witty Aidan Morgan (@palinode) who gave us a fabulous 30 second writing for search engines tutorial (which we all made him repeat very s-l0-w-l-y). And yet another of my online super-crushes, Elan Morgan, Aidan's wife and the woman better known as Schmutzie, was sitting at the table next to me. Needless to say, I felt like the kid who just walked into the "gifted" class by accident. I may have also Googled one or two of the bigger words used that day! Thank Gawd for the Merriam-Webster online dictionary!
I then managed to squeeze into the standing room only session about "Defining Yourself and Your Creative Work", the beast also known as 'personal branding'. This particular panel did not disappoint their audience and kept their moderator, Julie Cole from Mabel's Labels on her toes! Dee Brun (@CocktailDeeva), Gail Vaz-Oxlade, Kimberly Seldon and Patti Sullivan all showed us just why they are who they are and why we love them so much. The overall message I got from this session is that it is OK to be you, just know then that YOU may not be what everyone is looking for. Having conviction, knowing who YOU are and not compromising your integrity, your values or your voice matters, not only to those hearing or reading you, but to your kids, your community and most of all to YOU! This was a good session for me and um...why yes, it did end with Gail giving me a big old smooch...right on the mouth!!!
I would be remiss if I did not give a shout out to some of the great women I met that weekend. The highlight for me may have been meeting and spending time with a woman whose writing, whose insight, and whose activism is an inspiration to me every day.. yes, I am talking about the amazing Annie Urban of Phd in Parenting. And she is one heck of a dance partner too!!
To Hollie Pollard (@commoncentsmom) for welcoming me with open arms first at #SCCTO and then for being the first familiar and friendly face I saw when I arrived at Blissdom Canada. This woman is truly one of the kindest, most genuine human beings that I have ever met and I am honoured to count her as a friend! Thank you Hollie for taking me 'under your wing' and for facilitating some very important introductions!
To Tilley from @Preshusme for giving me my baby and babywearing fix while away from my littles! Seriously woman, you make some damn cute babies and that little Peanut of yours practically stole every heart at Blissdom Canada this year. I swear I can still hear his crazy babbling and sweet baby laughs!!
And finally to my incredible friend and fellow Edmonton Blogger, the amazing Jennifer Banks (@JenBanksYeg). Thanks for being my roomie, for kicking me under the table when I was talking too loud, for being the Yin to my Yang in practically all that we do and for well...just being the ever so awesome YOU! I am so glad that we got to share this experience together and were able to actually have time to just hang out, meet some great people and come away with a whole new plan for our little corners of the interwebs!
Refreshed and with a new plan,
Natasha~