Perspective
The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance.
I have been reluctant to write anything either here or on Mom Nation for the last few weeks. My last few posts brought out some strong emotions in a few people and some of the comments made either directly to me or indirectly and very passive aggressively on various social media platforms gave me my first taste of the dreaded 'trolls'.
And although I heeded the advice of many a blogger who has walked that bridge before me and did not feed the trolls, I would be lying if I said that the comments that got personal, the ones that questioned my integrity, my compassion and my right to say what I mean and mean what I say, well... they got to me.
Now don't get me wrong, I knew when I wrote that particular post that what I had to say might make some people uncomfortable. I am not a subtle woman, never have been, and never will be. I do not like to play games or mince words (I am way too old for that!). I did appreciate that my words made people think, that they did indeed illicit an emotional response and that perhaps they made some people look at themselves or others in a different light, be it good or bad.
I love a lively debate as much as the next person and these days, what better way is there to connect online and discourse than within the "blogosphere". A blog post is the starting point and the comments are the conversation. I truly do love that about this medium!
And also, it can totally suck! People can hide behind pseudonyms and anonymous comments. They can completely miss the point of a post and forget to click on the links to get the whole story or background information needed to understand what is being written and why. They can have knee-jerk reactions, spurred by their own feelings of resentment or guilt or regret or what-have-you THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH what was written by the blogger and they send out into the universe words, tweets or comments, that are personal attacks and that live on in perpetuity.
This whole aspect of blogging, and social media in general, the part where it gets ugly, really makes a person rethink why they are doing this, why they are putting themselves out there for all the world to see and read.
And then comes some perspective for (and from) the writer. In this case, me.
If you had asked me two years ago if I considered myself a writer of anything, I would have given you a funny look and said, "Uh, no, NOT at all!" When the Natural Urban Mama blog was started in 2009 it was a struggle for me to write anything. And to be perfectly honest, I had not really written anything of substance since my university days in the late 1990's, and what I was writing then was mostly scientific in nature (yes, I once had aspirations of being a lab/research geek).
It wasn't until I was invited to participate in the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival of Blogging in the Summer of 2010 and had to write a post a day for 14 days about my nursing experiences and thoughts and advice about breastfeeding that I really started to find my writing 'voice'. I realized then what blogging is about.
It is about telling a story. My story.
And what I found was that my story resonated with others. People started commenting on my posts, asking me questions, thanking me for sharing and in turn sharing my posts with others. And that felt good.
Here is the thing...I became the parent I am and by extension the parenting advocate I am very organically . I did not 'plan' to do a lot of the parenting practices that I now think are very important and yes, even essential in our world and definitely in our household. I was not a cloth diapering mama, I did not have a ridiculous baby carrier collection, let alone a babywearing business. And I had planned on breastfeeding for 6 months max!! Oh, how these little beings we bring into the world change us...
And so I began telling my story and sharing my passions and my experiences and my learnings here on my blog.
And more and more, my story has evolved, as have I as a person...and a mother, a business owner and a writer.
I blog for me, to get my thoughts about life and parenting out of my head and onto the screen. To make these thoughts and ideas more clear to me and perhaps to others too. It is a very public journal of sorts!
I blog for my readers and customers. I want to share my experiences. I want others to learn from my mistakes and my triumphs. I want to share my expertise and educate others about the things that I am passionate about like babywearing and breastfeeding and natural childbirth and cloth diapering and elimination communication and gentle discipline. Parenting practices that, believe it or not, can be done without trading in your designer boots for a pair of Birkenstocks and signing up for your Hippie-Mom Card.
I blog for a cause. What is that cause you ask? I blog for women. For mothers, for girls, for daughters, for wives, for women of all colours, creeds and yes, parenting 'styles'. I write to empower others to find their own voices, to live their dreams, to own their choices in life and live without regret. To be the kind of people they want their children to be.
I don't believe in hiding behind a facade of perfection. I don't believe in striving for a life/work balance just to be constantly disappointed and exhausted. I don't believe in being a fake friend or pretending that we all must get along just for the sake of appearances. I don't believe in living with regret or allowing negativity to permeate my head space or my online space!
I was in Canmore this weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding. Canmore is my happy place, where I witness magic and majesty at every turn and where I can just stop and breath and appreciate all the beauty that is around me. We took the kids to our favourite tea shop for lunch and on our way out I saw this card.
And it hit me to my core....
It was as if the universe was speaking to me and about me.
THESE are the things that I strive for in my life. How I choose to live and how I want my children to live too.
This is perspective to me and what matters and why I will not let the noise of a mere handful of people, drown out my inner or my outer voice!
Natasha~
three years and almost three thousand miles
I wrote this post last Friday night while in Toronto at the Blissdom Canada 2011 Writing and Business Conference. I was having some technical difficulties at the time (darn hotel Wi-fi) and was not able to publish until today.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Today my little girl is three years old.
And I am 2, 706 kilometers away from her.
It's not a big deal really...
We celebrated her birthday last weekend with family and friends and I am in Toronto at my very first big blogging conference having a wonderful time.
But still, I have been thinking about her all day....
I have been thinking about my labour and delivery, how different it was from my first time with Little C. Having a full-term, one week overdue baby is a much different experience than being induced at 35 weeks and having a teeny preemie baby. I was in control of most of my labouring with L and had to consciously push through those moments of self-doubt and pain and panic and trust my body, rely on my amazing doula team and lean on the ever-present shoulder of Natural Urban Dad.
I remember the moment that I was finally allowed to push and how it felt like 5 minutes, but was really more like 30. I remember feeling that final release and her entrance into this world and not hearing her right away....and then that tiny little voice crying and letting me know that she had arrived. I remember Natural Urban Dad telling me that she was a GIRL and my utter and complete shock at hearing this.
I remember holding her for the first time and unwrapping her from all the swaddling and letting her find and latch onto my breast. I cried at that moment...I was so proud of both of us.
I remember not wanting to let her out of my sight for a minute and refusing most of the usual 'ministrations' that the nursing staff wanted to do with her. (And I remember how respectful they were of all my wishes and was so grateful for that too.)
I remember getting settled into our room at the Royal Alexandra Hospital and taking her out of the bassinet and sleeping with her next to me all night. Okay, she slept and nursed... and slept and nursed some more and I just stared at her beautiful chubby cheeks for 6 hours straight.
I remember getting her dressed the next morning and anxiously awaiting our pediatrician to give us the green light to go home. We went home exactly 12 hours after she was born.
I remember Little C meeting her for the first time and how gentle and inquisitive he was. And how when I nursed her, he wanted in on the action too and what an incredibly amazing moment it was the first time I tandem nursed my two babies.
I look at my daughter now and I see me. A little dark-haired, hazel brown eyes me, but me nonetheless.
And in seeing myself in her face and her little quirks and expressions, I can't help but hope that she will be better than me.
Better at loving herself and seeing herself as the amazing person that she is.
Better at knowing her mind, trusting her instincts, and never letting anyone take these things away from her.
And I hope that she will always know how much she is loved, admired and respected by me.
I do not see her fulfilling any of my dreams or aspirations...
...I see her soaring in a world that she makes for herself, one in which a strong, beautiful and likely very feisty girl is celebrated and has a world of possibilities before her.
I love you my girl.
Happy Birthday.
Love,
Mommy~
P.S. Tonight at Blissdom Canada we had the opportunity to watch an amazing documentary called MissRepesentation, a film about the misrepresentation of women and girls by the media and the subsequent underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence.
It is a powerful and very thought and emotion provoking film. It made me step back and think about the world my daughter, and my son, are growing up in. How the choices of what we watch on TV, the magazines we read and the films we see affect our views of people (especially women and girls) and the world around us!
I have just taken the Represent Pledge and I highly encourage you to see the film and take it too!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gkIiV6konY[/youtube]
I am thankful that we can build a dream!
The Thanksgiving weekend means a lot to my family. It is the weekend that Natural Urban Dad and I got married eight years ago. Is is our favourite time of year and 3 years ago it was my last weekend of being pregnant with Princess L. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and not the least of these is that we are building our dream home.
Here are the latest updates on the progress of the Natural Urban Home. {And can I just say again that I LOVE, love, love our builder!!}
The second level of ICF (insulated concrete forms) went up very fast and we actually missed the concrete pouring day. You can really get a sense of the shape of the house now and the kids are getting so much more excited about it. They ask if we can walk or bike or drive by the new house almost every day.
The best day so far, at least for Little C, was when we stopped by the house one day and caught them using a truck crane to hoist our main support beam into place. He was in 4 year old boy heaven and all I could think was, "Please DO NOT wreck my trees!!" Well, you can hear my pleas in the background of the video!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sv1Ri_YlSo[/youtube] And with the beams in place the roof trusses went up in record time. And I am so impressed with our site foreman, Steven. Not only is he one of those construction dudes that is not hard on the eyes (ahem....no...that is not why I drive by every day), he did most of the truss work BY HIMSELF and with sheer muscle and man power!!
The roof line of our house is not quite flat (it has a 1/12 pitch for all you home building geeks) and as such the roofing is somewhat different. We are going with a metal roof and the prep work for that involves laying 2 X 4 for a 2 inch gap and then plywood over these and then membranes and then the roofing materials. They are almost done the prep work and the membrane is down on at least half of the house.
And this means that once the roof is all closed and prepped for the metal, the guys can start framing the interior of the house. When I spoke with Steven last week and told him that I would like to be in the house for March 2012, he said, "Well, that's good, because we are aiming to be finished in January."
Needless to say, everything is on track with our dream home and I am so very thankful for all the people involved in making this a reality for our family. Big thank yous to our architect, Mike Scezny from Fuse Architecture + Design, our interior designer, Dawn from Dawn Stiles Design and Grant and his team from Serenity Contracting and Design.
And I will leave you with this....
My new incredible view from the kitchen into our backyard! (Ok, so it doesn't look like much just yet, just use your imagination!)
Thankful and blessed,
Natasha~
Isn't it Ironic
I wrote a post last week that seems to have fueled an already burning fire. You know the one, the much-debated, 'Why do we do this to each other?', so-called "Mommy Wars". And while I stand by my message in that post, that not everyone has to or is going to like me (or you) or what we have to say, whether it is in person or online, I have since realized that the way I conveyed this message and the words I used may have seemed insensitive and {unintentionally} hurtful to some of you.
I have just read a most compelling post by Meredith Fein Lichtenberg, which echoes the thoughts I was trying to convey in my post, but does so in a much more gentle and compassionate way.
In it she talks about mom to mom cyber-bullying and compares it to the It Gets Better Campaign by Dan Savage (whom I LOVE BTW!) and she states the following:
How can you teach your children not to be mean and hateful, but turn around and diss, name-call, or hatefully criticize mothers you don't even know online?
Don't do that!
Instead, strive to understand others' decisions and predicaments, even where you can't agree with them. It's okay to be angry, but even then, try to use balanced, thoughtful language.
Try to comport yourself as a model, even when you disagree. Try to be your most honorable self.
Stop snarking at each other.
Did I use balanced, thoughtful language in my post. No, I did not. I used myself as an example of how I do things, but did not give an example of the other side of the coin or state that both are valid choices. I should have done that.
Was I my most honorable self? To me honor means honesty, so in that sense, yes, I was honorable. I was being honest about MY feelings and MY thoughts on the subject at hand.
Was I snarky? Yes. I told everyone to "suck it up" and THAT was definitely snarky.
I read the comments on my post, the local "mommy community" twitter chatter and subsequent blog posts written and struggled to not engage and fuel the fire even more...
Ha! The irony of that struggle is not lost on me.
So here's the deal everyone. I get it.
My choice of language may not have been the most productive. Boiling it down to the basic premise of my post, I simply want us to be free to have our opinions, to own our choices and to stand by them in the face of judgement. Because unfortunately, yes, that judgement is going to come. How we respond to it, that is also a choice we must make.
I will very likely still stick my foot in my mouth write things here or on Twitter or on Facebook that not everyone will agree with and I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to read MY blog and thank you for reminding me that we are all so much more than our parenting practices. And finally, a big thank you to April, for pointing out that all may not always be as it seems.
All the best,
Natasha~
P.S. Please visit the It Gets Better site and sign the pledge to end online and all bullying of gay teens everywhere. (And then substitute 'gay teens' for 'all moms' and then say it again).
A World of Possibilities....
This week is International Babywearing Week. It is a week to celebrate all the wonderful babywearing that happens in our homes and communities and in homes and communities all over the world. And this year the theme is "A World of Possibilities". I wanted to do something a little different this year.
I invited my fellow babywearing mama followers on Twitter and on my Facebook page to send me their favourite babywearing pictures and also tell me in one line (or 140 characters) what babywearing means to them.
The response was absolutely amazing!
I love each and every picture and tweet and message that was sent. My heart was overjoyed opening my many emails and seeing so many happy {and yes, often sleeping} babies and there mamas and daddies wrapped up or buckled into all the different baby carriers and going about their lives.
And so, without further ado, here is what I did with those beautiful babywearing pictures and stories and words....
I hope you like it!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMOasODlMJI&utm_source=trigger&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=you_tube_ready[/youtube]
Happy Babywearing Everyone!
Natasha~
P.S. If you are in the Edmonton area, please join myself and Erin from Cosy Baby Happy Mommy for our in person International Babywearing Week celebration this Wednesday, October 12, 2011 at West Edmonton Mall. Please visit the Facebook Event Page for all the details.
That's OK, I don't like you either.....
We have to say what we believe...whether it is popular or not. ~Howard Dean
There is a lot of animosity on the web these past few days. At least in the mommy world. And specifically in the "I am a breastfeeder" and "I am a formula-feeder" world. Now, I am not going to go into this debate again, because, well, A) you all know how I feel about it and B) it is kind of "useless, never-ending round and round we go saying the same things and not hearing each other" conversation.
This latest round of "She said, She said", has just solidified a thought that has been brewing in my head for a long time. And likely in a lot of other's heads too...
So I am just going to say it.
NO, we DO NOT all have to get along.
It's true. I may not only not agree with you, but I may genuinely not like you. And you may not like me.
And that's OK.
I had the pleasure of sitting in a room full of 200+ women last week. We were described by some as a 'sisterhood', digital women from all walks of life coming together to learn, to network, to connect. Some of these women are moms, some are not, some are more successful than others, and some were 'working the room' like an E-Talk reporter clamoring for sound bites on the Emmy Red Carpet!
And each and every one of us was sizing up the person next to us and figuring out if they were someone we wanted to get to know, someone who is 'competition' or someone whom getting to know would somehow get us further along in the game. THIS is human nature people, it is not a judgement of anyone, it's just a plain and simple fact of life.
You know the sayings..."Like attracts like", and "Birds of a feather, flock together", well, they are true. Just look at your own life. Who is in your 'tribe'? Your core group of friends? They are most likely people who share your beliefs, your values, and who give YOU validation for the choices and decisions that you make in your life.
I met some really amazing women at the ShesConnected Conference. People that I want to get to know better, that I think can offer me something in my life and people to whom I think I can offer something as well. And yes, I also met some people who I was immediately turned off by. People who made no effort to get to know me or who were perhaps just as turned off by me as I was by them. And so I moved on to the next person...
Which brings me back to the 'She Said, She Said' battle again.
And I will use myself as an example.
I believe in living as close to a natural, chemical-free, and so-called 'crunchy' life as possible. Especially when it comes to parenting. I use cloth diapers and practice elimination communication, I wear my babies in beautiful baby carriers, I do not believe in letting them 'cry it out', and I have breastfed each of my children to the ripe old age of three years. I am not opposed to home-schooling and I also believe in a delayed vaccination schedule.
In doing all of these things, I have met a lot of other mamas that feel the same way as me and that share my parenting philosophies. And I have met a lot that do not.
And while I respect all people and all parents to make decisions for their own families....
...who do you think I am more likely to hang out with?
I am not saying that if you don't do things exactly as I do that we can't be friends. Personally, I love diversity in my life and I learn so much (about life and about myself) from people who are NOT like me.
What I am saying is this. Respect others, yes. Agree to disagree, very likely. But do I have to always like everyone and everything they say or do? Absolutely NOT.
I liken this to the nursing in public argument. If it makes you uncomfortable, than JUST DON'T LOOK!
So if I see or read something that I don't like, or meet someone I just don't click with, then I do not have to click on their link, share it, or if it is a person, engage with them, either online or in real life. MY choice. Simple as that.
So with all the talk this week of Mom Vs Mom and more about how we are shaming each other and blah, blah, blah, all I have to say is...
...SUCK IT UP LADIES!
This whole line of 'dialogue' (and yes, I am using the term lightly) is getting us nowhere.
Please just OWN your choices, your decisions, and your opinions. Share your knowledge and your insights if you so choose, but know that once you do this, you are opening yourself up to scrutiny and other's opinions too. Be prepared for what may come, don't take it all too personally and know this.
Not everyone is going to like you or what you have to say...
I will leave you with the words of a brilliant man.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Renewing my love of the SSC.....
I really like Twitter. A lot. I have ‘met’ so many people through this little corner of the internet, both online and more and more in real life and even though we are located all over the world, I am connected to these people. Some of whom have really changed my life and spurred on my passion and love of what I do!
And on the heels of my first blogging conference all about connecting with brands this post seems quite appropriate. Why you ask? Well, because of all the bigger babywearing companies or brands out there, Boba is one that is doing things right! They connect with their audience and their customers and they share both their own knowledge and those of the babywearing community freely and openly via their Twitter account and on Facebook. I personally have connected with at least three different people in the Boba Family and have much respect for them as people, as parents and as a company!
As a professional babywearing educator and baby carrier retailer I am also always on the lookout for great resources and products to bring to the many mamas that come to me for help in choosing and using baby carriers. It is often though the #babywearing community on Twitter that I end up finding out about a lot of these resources and products.
One of these sources is the lovely Elizabeth Antunovic of Boba Inc. Elizabeth wrote what I consider one of the most comprehensive articles that I have ever read about babywearing, positioning of babies in baby carriers and why we recommend the things that we do in babywearing! And she is a super nice lady too!
Boba Inc. is a family run company that produces some really great baby carriers. You are probably most familiar with their ‘Sleepy Wrap", now simply called the BobaWrap, a stretchy wrap carrier and also the Boba Soft Structured Carrier.
So when the lovely people at Boba asked me if I wanted to review their newest version of the soft structured carrier, the Boba 3G, of course I said “YES, please!!”
They sent me this lovely carrier (check out the sweet 'Tweet' print--it is SO me!!) and I have given it a good test-drive for the past two weeks and have tried it with three different sized babies/toddlers.
With 4 month old Baby P
Here is the thing peeps, I love a woven wrap. I have been so focused lately on using my woven wraps (and I have quite a few!) that I have kind of forgotten about my SSCs (soft structured carriers). Oh, I know they are still there and I know they work well, but I guess I have been somewhat of a baby carrier snob and have just been ignoring them!
Well not anymore! The new Boba 3G is a carrier NOT to be ignored!
Not only is it a very supportive and comfortable soft structured baby carrier, it is also incredibly well made and really quite beautiful! And with over a dozen new and updated features, it really does hit on most everything you would want in a baby carrier.
Some of the key features that I really like are:
The foot stirrups. These are great for the bigger toddlers. Putting there little feet into the stirrups ensures that they get there legs and hips into the proper flexed and abducted position (the “M” position I am always harping on about!). This is especially important when the body of the carrier does not fully reach from one knee to the other with a big baby or toddler (and this is the case with Princess L in the Boba 3G) and helps to maintain the optimal ergonomic seated position in the carrier. The foot stirrups are also completely removable, so you don’t need to have them hanging from your sides until you actually need them.
The adjustable ‘chest strap’. This is probably my biggest complaint about most other soft structured carriers, especially when using in a front, tummy to tummy position. I find it incredibly awkward to reach behind my head to try to grab the clips, only to find that they are too far away for me to get to. And then I end up having to find someone to clip it for me or do the also incredibly awkward "clip the chest strap and slip it over your head" move.
With the new Boba 3G, the clips are on a kind of zipper track and can move up and down and be adjusted to the exact position that you need them in, whether you are doing a front or a back carry. This works really well for me--especially because I also have limited range of motion in one of my shoulders and before now could never quite reach back far enough to get to the clip and snap the straps securely on my shoulders.
And speaking of straps...how often do you get baby on you in your carrier and then wonder, OK, now what do I do with my purse/diaper bag?? Well, wonder no more!! The designers of the new Boba 3G were thoughtful enough to add an extra little detail to the top of the shoulder straps, a ‘Purse Strap’! That’s right, this little handy dandy extra piece of fabric snaps over the strap of your purse and keeps it in place on your shoulder!! Nice thinking Boba!
The new Boba 3G is also designed for use with a newborn as well and without a separate insert. I did not get a chance to try this out on a newborn, but I like the idea of it. The body of the carrier snaps down to shorten it and then a teeny baby can be worn upright and tummy to tummy (with legs still in the “M” position, but inside the carrier). I think this is a great feature to have in a soft structured carrier. This truly makes the Boba 3G a newborn to toddler carrier. And all without having to spend extra on an insert that does not keep babies legs in the optimal ergonomically correct position.
And lastly, the sleep hood. This is a must for all SSCs and this one has a couple of nice features to it. One, it is removable. If you don’t need it you can leave it behind, or just store it in the zippered pocket on the front of the carrier. I like the elasticized sides on the hood itself. It makes it very supportive for baby’s little head, and still leaves plenty of room for air to circulate. It is also a nice little ‘cover’ for when you are breastfeeding, something that is totally doable in this carrier and will likely come in handy at least every couple of hours when you are wearing your newborn in the Boba 3G!!
So there you have it folks, my thoughts on the new Boba 3G. I think I can honestly say that this carrier has renewed my appreciation and love for a well-made, well thought-out and designed soft-structured carrier. It is not often that I find a company that so embodies my thoughts and philosophies about babywearing, but Boba Inc. is right up there and I for one really appreciate the work that they do to support and encourage babywearing for everyone.
Fall Babywearing in the Boba 3G and 18 month old Baby B.
Boba Inc. is hosting a giveaway to celebrate the launch of the new Boba Carrier 3G and their new brand image! Enter to win a $500 travel voucher and a Boba Carrier 3G. With the new 3G it is easier than ever to enjoy Freedom Together as a family and Boba wants YOU to put it to use in a destination of your choice.
To enter to win, “Like” them on Facebook (www.facebook.com/boba), follow them on Twitter (www.twitter.com/boba) and tweet about them! Also, make sure to check out Boba’s new website – www.bobafamily.com.
Copyright © 2026 Natasha Chiam. All rights reserved.
Reproduction of the text or images from this site without permission, online or in print, is prohibited.