Feminist Fare Friday: The Day 7 of NaBloPoMo Edition.
It is Friday, I have read some really, really good shit on the web this week.
And you know how I like to share...
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In response to the now viral Hollaback catcalling video, Elon James White, the CEO of This Week in Blackness responded in the best way... By creating the #DudesGreetingDudes Twitter hashtag. And even with some of the absolute hilarity of some of the tweets, there was a strong point to be made about the very nature of catcalling and street harassment...
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And speaking of that catcalling video... The eye gymnastics that Amanda Seales had to perform in her CNN interview with her fellow "mansplaining" guest was seriously Olympic status worthy! She recalls that particularly trying routine for us at XOJane this week...
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Also this week, excerpts from Lena Dunham's new memoir have thrown everyone for another really, REALLY, uncomfortable loop. I have an upcoming post that will address some of the issues arising from this in more depth, but for now, I want you all to read what Elan Morgan had to say about it. Because it is powerful and made me really take a step back and think. AS WE ALL SHOULD in these situations.
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There is a conversation that needs to be happening more in the parenting world and it is one that goes far beyond normalizing breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. It is one about mothering and race. Because as this past week has shown, a white woman breastfeeding in her cap and gown is "adorable", while a few months ago, a black women breastfeeding in her cap and gown is "ratchett and ghetto". Yup, we really are such an enlightened bunch. LE GRAND SIGH... come on people, we can do so much better than this!
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And finally, this video.
Because, OH MY GO....
[youtube]http://youtu.be/hR3ctoLrOHk[/youtube]
Happy Friday Everyone!
n~
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bathed in blue light
We are getting new street lamps in our neighbourhood. This is a good thing. We are in an older hood, the old lamp posts were starting to get all rusty and nasty looking and in an effort to be a greener city, the new lamps have LED lights in them and are much more effective at actually lighting up the streets. I saw the workers on our street this morning digging up more holes with an auger, but I didn't think much of it, because 90% of the lamp bases have already been installed on our block. And then I came home and saw what they had done and now I am rather pissed off!
This is the configuration of the three (yes, 3!) VERY BRIGHT new street lamps that will now be surrounding our house. Number 1 is the replacement for the existing lamp post and #2 and #3 are new. Our house and property is literally going to be bathed in a swath of blue-ish, somewhat creepy LED light from about 5:30 PM to 7:30 AM from now until late, late spring.
We've made some calls and left messages and I've sent a few tweets to my city councillor, but I am not sure if it is going to change anything, since the crew poured the cement for the bases while we were having dinner tonight. And I hate to be a complainer, but to be honest, we are paying for these particular lights (our neighbourhood voted to get the upgraded fancy light posts), and since we didn't get any kind of notice from the city about the placement of these two new lights, I feel like an explanation or some consideration of what we would like is in order.
I am probably overreacting. Maybe. I mean, it's just street lamps right?. And who doesn't want to have their street well lit at night. Right. Or... maybe this is a big deal. That sure does seem like a lot of lights for one corner. When does light pollution outweigh the green LED initiative to save money and energy? Because with this amount of lamps going in around our property, I will be able to sit in my backyard in the dead of night and comfortably read a book!
And now I am starting to sound like the crazy neighbour lady getting all bent out of shape over lights. OY!
OK, I'll just have to focus less on the lights and more on the re-landscaping that we are planning for next spring. I am not sure if I have mentioned it, but our yard is going to be EPIC!
I have even more than halfway convinced The Consort that I need a cool shed/writing studio thingy. I was thinking something along these lines...
This little baby house should take my focus away from all that eerie blue light, right?
n~
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Day 6 of NaBloPoMo.
One post a day, every day in November.
Please keep reading and sharing and/or commenting. It helps.
I believe you... But it is still not enough.
A few months ago I was at the Mom 2.0 Summit in Atlanta, Georgia. It was wonderful and I am going back again next year, because... MY TRIBE is there! On the first day of the conference, one of the speakers at the Keynote Expert Sessions was a man called Josh Levs. I'd never heard of him (Canadian blogger-fish out of water and all that), but Josh is kind of a big deal CNN reporter, a father of three and had just filed a complaint against his employer, Time Warner, for denying him 10 weeks of paid parental leave (what new mothers and adopted parents get from Time Warner, but not dads.) Josh was an engaging and passionate speaker and I appreciated that he was addressing the issue of shared parental responsibilities, but what I didn't understand was why this man was getting so much air time (literally) about an issue that women have been talking about and fighting for for years, not to mention one that places the US at the very bottom of the charts in terms of paid parental leave in the developed world.
It felt like, once again, an issue that affects primarily women is not really that big of a deal until it becomes detrimental to a man or a man starts talking about it.
This has been the case time and time again and it is something that I am so very, very tired of.
Case in point. Carla Ciccone wrote a post over a year ago about her VERY BAD DATE with a Canadian radio show host, which, I think we can all admit at this point, was with Jian Ghomeshi. The vitriol and internet hate-storm that was heaped on her after she wrote that post was appalling and I don't even want to revisit any of it (the comments on her post have picked up again given recent developments and are just as awful this time around). And now, after months of investigating and interviewing, Kevin Donovan and Jesse Brown - yes, two men - broke the story via the Toronto Star about Ghomeshi's disturbing and abusive behaviour and more than 10 people have now come forward with similar allegations of violence and abuse at the hands of Jian Ghomeshi. And NOW, it's a problem. Now that it's not just one woman who had at least that little bit of courage to write about her VERY BAD DATE, even though, if you cared to ask around, EVERYBODY KNEW ABOUT HIM! Now it's a big deal and must be dealt with.
Or, look at the new United Nations #HEforSHE campaign. God love her, Emma Watson is a shining beacon for young women everywhere, and I applaud her for stepping up to the plate and literally donning her baby feminist White Coat, but the whole premise of the campaign is that women's voices are simply not enough. That we need the HEs to speak up for the SHEs. That it is not enough for women to be seen and heard and treated as human beings in and of themselves. That we are only valued and validated in this world by virtue of our relationships to and with men as their mothers, daughters, sisters, and wives. Now, don't get me wrong, I too want men to speak up for feminism and for gender equality in our world, but not because they have a mom or a sister or a daughter, and not because they feel the need to be a hero and save the world's collective damsels in distress. I want them to do it because we are all in this place together, because one person's life is not more or less valuable than any other simple because we are not the same gender or colour or sexual orientation. I want them to do it because it is the right thing to do.
The internet is full of meme's and videos of men speaking for women. We've got Feminist Ryan Gosling Hey Girl-ing all over the place, we've got speech after speech from Joss Whedon about why he writes strong female characters and then one where he thinks we should get rid of the word Feminism. Harry Styles tweets a picture of himself supporting #heforshe and it gets retweeted over 282,000 times. Aziz Ansari sits across from David Letterman and tells us he is a feminist and we share that shit all over the place and praise all our wonderful male allies for saying all the exact same things women have been saying for eons!
On the other hand. A woman speaks up and makes a video about her experience with catcalling and street harassment and you know what happens? Sure the thing goes viral and has some serious issues that have been dissected elsewhere, but she also gets death and rape threats. Or how about this one. A woman is not the perfect girlfriend and what does her pissed off ex-boyfriend do when things end badly? He writes a 5000 word manifesto outlining why she is a terrible person, tries to ruin her publicly and professionally and rallies the collective troops of #nogirlsallowed land into a thing called Gamergate. If the situation was reversed, she would just be the crazy, vindictive, bitch of an ex-girlfriend who was out for revenge for being jilted and no one would have taken her the teensiest bit seriously. But we have this WHOLE THING now, because one dude got his heart and ego crushed BY A GIRL. Really. Boil it all down and that is what it is.
I've read multiple essays and posts this past week about why women don't speak up more, why they don't report the violence and abuse and assaults that have happened to them. Denise Balkissoon wrote just today in the Globe and Mail that no, we have not reached some kind of "watershed" moment in the face of violence against women. She goes on to say,
I’m not swayed by the newly enlightened, standing with outstretched, protective arms, advising victims of violence that there’s no longer a need to be ashamed or afraid of coming forward. Let me tell you what too many have heard, and will continue to hear, perhaps forever.
I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe you.
And I don't disagree with her at all. I would also add that not only are women overwhelmingly hearing "I don't believe you." over and over again, even in cases with ridiculous amounts of evidence (see: death of raped and bullied Canadian girl who can not be named because of court mandated publication ban), in this world we live in, it's also a case of ....
We don't really care, because YOU DON'T REALLY MATTER. Your voice is not the one we listen to.
You are not a famous media/radio celebrity and will not have your 20+ year career ripped out from under you.
You are not an elite athlete who brings in millions to sports club owners and helps win championships.
You are not a Hollywood Icon whose brilliance can not be tarnished in our minds, because... BRILLIANT!
You are not a beloved TV character we all grew up with and thought of as our collective DAD.
You are not one of BillBoards most successful R&B/Hip Hop artists of the past 25 years.
You are not some promising young man whose life will now be ruined because you got drunk, he raped you, you reported him and now he has to go to jail.
And this is what kills me every time something like this happens. The voices of the women affected are not heard or are silenced. It's as if women's voices are some kind of background noise that people just want to turn down until a man in a nice suit tells you what to think or who to believe.
Until such a time exists when a woman can say, this is what happened to me and the automatic response from the general public isn't, "well, you should have known better" or "what do you have to gain from this?", we aren't making any progress in the plight of violence against and oppression of women. Until we can take a woman's word for it - whatever IT may be, and not have to wait for that word to be validated by a man, we are never going to get any further ahead in making this world a level playing field for all who live on it.
I gotta tell you...
I dream of that time. Every single day and every damn night.
And I have to believe it will come.
I have to.
n~
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This is Day 5 of #nablopomo. I am writing a blog post a day for the month of November. So are a lot of other people. You can find them here.
An 11th hour List. #nablopomo Day 4.
Nothing like leaving it to the literal 11th hour to get a post written for the day! I has such high hopes for the post I wanted to write today, but it will just have to be tomorrow's. It's a good one, I promise.
Tonight, you get a list.
A list of the things that I did this past week that made my heart smile:
1. I like to shop alone. I am not one for the big girls shopping trip to the mall, to try on all the clothes and such. If you want me to come and be your personal stylist, sure, I'll do that, but if I am shopping for me, I prefer to be a one-woman wolf pack for that. However... the problem with solo shopping is getting a second opinion that is not from a commissioned or quota driven salesperson. So, I like to be that for other solo shoppers like myself. The lady at J. Crew this week was very appreciative of my feedback and I left with my new jeans and a feeling that I helped a fellow lone wolf who rocked that purple t-shirt way better than I ever could!
2. My nephew is two and a half years old and we spent our first one on one day together last week. Being the youngest of all the little cousins, it's not very often that we are not together with the rest of the family, so this was a treat for both of us. We took Willow to the dog park and he was all, "Come on Willow, let's g0" the whole time, even when she was trying to lick his face and/or knock him over with her enthusiastic tail wagging. We then headed out to the play cafe and I saw a whole new side of the kid come alive. I think this had to do again with him being on his own with me, and not in the shadow of his big sister or big cousins. He was free to do what he wanted, explore the place on his terms and be all kinds of busy and happy and silly and also, one of the older toddlers there that morning. We had fun. He was a tuckered out little boy and I was a tuckered out auntie by the time my sister picked him up that afternoon.
3. I attend a weekly yoga class at my friend's neighbourhood studio. We are a small group of women, most of whom know each other or run in similar circles of friends. Last week only three of us were in class and while I won't share any details of what transpired or what was said in that room (it's a safe/sacred place for quite a few of us), the mutual sharing and connection that happened that day was extremely good for my soul. I am grateful for each and every one of these beautiful, vulnerable, perfectly imperfect women, and our weekly sharing of energy and light with each other.
4. I cleared out the storage room. This may not sound like much, but after a while all the "things" that just keep getting piled in there to be dealt with "later" become too much. Seeing it all makes me feel like my own insides are cluttered up with STUFF and I just need to be brutal about going through all of it and either chuck it out, or give it away. Which is what I did for three hours on Saturday and then a trip to Goodwill on Sunday. It felt good to do this. Like REAL good.
5. I bought a new pillow. It makes me super duper happy!
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What did you do this week that made your heart smile?
n~
A tooth, a lot of mom guilt and a bit of magic.
Crap! It happened already and it is technically only his 2nd lost tooth.
Last night, my son diligently put his baby tooth, the one he pulled out all by himself, "It was easy peasy Mom!", under his pillow. And this morning he walked into our room, completely deflated, holding the little bag with the tooth still in it. The most disappointed I have ever seen him.
"How come the tooth fairy didn't come?"
The Consort was quick on his feet and managed to give the kid a plausible answer (something about Halloween and Jawbreaker candies), while I tried to duck around the corner and figuratively kick myself with the full force of my Mommy Guilt.
The "Tooth Fairy" had a busy day. There was the family dinner and the late bedtime and then she had just watched that very disturbing episode of Walking Dead and was folding ALL THE LAUNDRY and.. and... and....
She forgot.
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Childhood is supposed to be a magical time. A time when we believe in fairies and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and all that jazz. And while I do, to a certain degree, still believe in the magic of the world around us, lately I am having a hard time reconciling the fact that, about certain things, I am lying to my kids. And in our house, one of our top family rules is, No Lying.
I worry that when my kids finally do figure out the whole Santa or Tooth Fairy thing, they are going to walk into my room, look at me, shake their heads, let out a big giant sigh, and give me that look of terrible disappointment. You know, the one that says "How could you do this to me all these years?" look.
Or maybe (hopefully) they will be a bit older, and will realize what we were doing. That we were (are) keeping the magic alive, making memories that we will all cherish forever, seeing enchantment in the mundane and walking amongst the twinkly lights and fairy dust that helps us through this sometimes dark-ish journey of life.
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We are a rather secular family. My kids have been to church, or as they like to call it, Jesus' House, with my parents, but a regular religious practice is not part of our lives. Faith on the other hand is. Faith in some form of a higher power, faith in each other, faith that everything happens for a reason and faith in our love for our world and our desire to make it a better one.
I think this whole believing in magic and Santa and the Tooth Fairy and yes, even that pesky Elf on a Shelf is part of that kind of faith. And in my view, all of these magical traditions are linked to celebrations of life and love. Of giving and receiving and the changing of seasons and the milestones of our lives. They provide us with stop points in our journeys together. Pins on our giant map of life that connect us to each other, to where we have been and to where we are going next.
Photo Credit: Cali4beach on Flickr
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Ok, so maybe I went a bit deep in regards to this whole Tooth Fairy fail and forgetting to put $2 under my kid's pillow for his little tooth. This is what happens when you let all that mom guilt take hold of you. You delve into the tunnels of trying to be a mindful parent and come up with a long romanticized rationale for lying to your kids.
Because...
MAGIC!
Damn it.
There WILL be magic in their childhoods.
N~
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It's November.
So...
NO, I am not doing some kind of crazy Dinosaur thing (although my kids would LOVE that!).
And NO, there is no one growing a moustache around here (although I appreciate the efforts of all those who don the creepy '70s adult film star look).
November around here means WRITING.
As in #NaBloPoMo.
I signed up "officially" with Blogher this year, along with over 1200 others.
As the wonderful Alexandra Rosas from Good Day, Regular People wrote...
"There are stories waiting to finally breath..."
Welcome to my guest house.
Sometimes life is hard.
The news is not good. People are awful to each other. Fear and hate seem to be winning and love and compassion become afterthoughts to feelings being expressed in 140 characters or 1000 word blog posts. There seems to always be a "spin" being put on the information we receive and deciphering this coded language is enough to make even the most hardy of folks weary and tired.
When life is hard, when the world feels like it is going to hell in a hand basket, I tend to curl up in a ball like a southern three-banded armadillo and wait for the "threat" to pass. I shut myself away from everyone and everything until I feel like I can come out and deal with it all again.
But today, I didn't.
Today was an odd day for me.
Today I looked outside of myself and tried to really see others around me and let them see me. Just regular people that I interact with in my day to day life. And yet today, because I opened up my shell a crack to let some of them in, they let me into their lives a bit too. Today was filled with moments with these people. Moments of clarity, of love, of acceptance. Moments when, for just a second, we recognized in each other that same scared little child, that hopeful kid, that barely-holding-it-together adult and said a silent, "I see you. You matter. Right here. Right now." to each other.
In yoga class, my friend Mandy shared this Rumi poem with us:
THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
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So be hard World.
I can take it.
I will welcome the pain and fear, because beyond that is healing and courage.
Take all you want from my house, so I can make room for new guests, new thoughts, new paths to forge ahead on.
Spin all your news however you think it will matter. I won't let it spin me, or my conscience, or my convictions.
Today I learned that curling up in a ball may protect me for a time, but opening up and letting people in, that is what is going to really change my world.
And maybe,
in some small way,
eventually,
I'll change the the Big Bad World out there too.
Peace,
n~
Filling up on and in Victoria, B.C.
Three days. It's not a long time, but three days with no schedule, no place to be except with each other and nothing but our own feet to take us wherever we felt like going was perfection. Downtown Victoria, British Columbia was the backdrop for our mini wanderlust. It was my first trip to this fair Canadian city and our first time away from both kids in a very long time. I fully admit that I almost bailed in the airport security line up on Thursday. I do not like leaving my babies, but there were too many people in the line behind me and I had my new LUG Weekender bag to break in so... on the plane I went.
When we were planning this trip a few weeks ago, I crowdsourced my friends on Facebook for recommended hotel accommodations. They came through like I knew they would, and we decided on the beautiful waterfront Inn at Laurel Point. Our room was huge, we had a nice big balcony overlooking Fisherman's Wharf and could watch the float planes take off and land every morning in the harbour. We ate dinner at Aura, the in-house hotel restaurant Thursday night and it was delicious! Scallops cooked to perfection and a creamy mushroom risotto for me and the pork sampler for The Consort (my new nickname for my husband, which I might shorten to TC in the very near future-see below).
Friday morning we woke up and headed out to explore our surroundings. One of the nice things about downtown Victoria (and there are a lot of nice things) is that you don't have to go far to find a place to eat. And most places in the downtown core are well within walking distance from the major hotels. Our very friendly airport shuttle driver told us that Victoria has the second highest restaurant count per capita in North America (after San Francisco) and after walking a good part of the downtown area for three days, I believe him.
We ate at some very cool and funky places. Breakfast and coffee at Wild Coffee. A place that spoke to my soul with the handmade wood furniture and giant Buddha head greeting you as you walked in. Lunch and chai at the family owned Varsha in Victoria's historic Chinatown district (which is really just one block). A waterfront walk and dinner at the Blue Crab, complete with, you guessed it, ALL THE CRAB!!
But I really want to tell you about Rebar. This restaurant, located downtown in Bastion Square, was recommended to us twice. Once by my friend Sarah, who raved about it and then again by a very friendly Victoria local who, upon seeing our obvious touristy-ness, stopped his morning bike ride, pulled up beside us and proceeded to give us recommendations for breakfast, lunch AND dinner for Saturday.
One block later we walked into Rebar and I swear to God, this place will be forever etched into my palate. I knew I was going to like it immediately because of the floral oilcloth tablecloths and the garage-sale-Elvis-tile-collage art piece on the wall. TC and I both ordered the Smoked Salmon, Dill and Creamcheese omelette and the juice of the day, a Smiling Buddha. I have no other way of describing this gastronomic experience other than this: every bite of this meal, and drink of the juice was like having multiple mini food-gasms in my mouth. I am not kidding, I actually moaned it was so good.
And then our waiter brought over their house-made peach and pear jam to accompany the sourdough toast and their spicy ketchup for the roasted potatoes and I moaned some more and may have thrown in an 'Oh my GOD!" for good measure. It really was that good people and I may have had dreams about it that night as well. Moral of the story, go eat at Rebar whenever you are in Victoria.
Our friendly cyclist recommended two restaurants for dinner. Zambri's for, as he put it, "The best italian food in all of Canada. " or Cafe Brio, a Canadian/Italian/local fusion cuisine, with an awesome wine list. I liked the look of Cafe Brio on their website and TC called and made us a late dinner reservation . The cafe had a wonderful old world ambiance to it and it did not disappoint. I chose one of their featured wines, the Trebella Meritage blend from the local BC winery, Church and State Wines. It was a beautiful wine, deep, fruity and smooth, just the way I like my reds. I may be hitting up their wine shop soon and ordering some online! The other nice option at Cafe Brio was that all of their dishes, from small plates to entrees, are available as half-sizes and half price as well. I ended up having half-orders of the Romaine Hearts salad and the Roast Duck Breast. The Consort had the Mixed Green Salad (with a surprise pickled celery ingredient) and the Seared Rare Albacore Tuna. Having the half orders also ensures that you leave plenty of room for desert, and you HAVE to have the Poached Pear and Chocolate Ganache. Trust me.
The food, the wine and the company was so good at Cafe Brio that I neglected to even think about getting pictures of anything. By the time we were done eating, the rain had stopped outside and we decided to walk the 20 minutes back to our hotel and soak up our last bit of Victoria. It was a bit of a chilly night, but full bellies, a warm hand to hold and loving hearts made for a beautiful walk along the waterfront.
Just so you know, we did do other things besides eat while in Victoria. We shopped at great local stores like Sitka and The Milkman's Daughter. We picked up some tea at Silk Road and a sampling of their new spa line as well. We found little gems like Fan Tan Alley in Chinatown and a local leathersmith who is now making TC a custom leather key holder. On a whim we walked into Miniature World located in the Empress Hotel and were rather blown away by this weird and wonderful attraction. And we took no less than a bajillion photos of all the teeny dioramas.
Victoria really was exactly what The Consort and I needed. A short getaway to fill our buckets right to the brim, to focus on ourselves, talk about how this past year has changed us, and make plans for a future that has four simple rules:
Simple, loving, graceful, and grateful.
n~
#ethicsshmethics
"Ethics is knowing the difference between what you have a right to do and what is right to do."
~ Potter Stewart
A few weeks ago, I was on stage with three wonderful women in front of a full conference room at the annual Blissdom Canada blogging conference. We were speaking on a much ignored, yet incredibly important topic in the blogging world.
Ethics.
It's a heavy topic to be sure, but it is time for it to take centre stage and be openly spoken about at conferences and amongst ourselves. Together with my fellow panel members, Elan Morgan, Shannon McKarney and Karen Green, we touched on the surface of this iceberg of a topic. In hindsight, what I think we all realize now, is that a one hour "Ethics in Blogging" panel was just not enough time and we could have easily made this into a 2-3 hour workshop. That being said, I wanted to follow up with some key points from our discussion that day and some of the points that we didn't have time to delve in to.
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1. Have your own Code of Ethics.
This doesn't have to be a pages long manifesto or a list of black and white rules that you must follow at all times, but it is a good idea to have something written down. It also doesn't have to be something that is published on your blog, although you can totally do that if you want. Think of it more as something for you. As your moral blogging compass to keep you on the track that you have set out for yourself in this online, over-sharing, publishing, and marketing world. It can be a list of companies that you will (or more importantly, ones that you will NOT work with), how/if/when you use and share pictures of your kids, yourself, or your spouse/partner online. The kinds of stories and topics that are taboo for you. For example, I personally tend to stay away from writing about vaccines and circumcision-need I say more?. This code is often made up of all the thoughts that we always have at the back of our minds, but writing them down and having them tucked away in a drawer in your desk or on your office bulletin board, or as an easily accessible file, can help keep you on track.
2. Get yourself a third party "Gut-checker".
Think of this person or group of people as your real life spell checker, not just for grammar, but for your content and any potential consequences it may have as well. We all have a tendency to get caught up in our own worlds (and words) and sometimes, can't see the forest for the trees. As writers, getting our words and feelings out on the page or screen is very often how we deal with situations in our lives. BUT, before hitting that publish button in a fit of frustration or ranty rantingness (totally a word BTW), have someone you trust, who knows you and the world that you live in, both online and off, give you that third party perspective. This can go a long way towards saving you from embarrassment, haters, hurt feelings and burnt bridges. Karen made reference to the "feel the fear and do it anyways" philosophy of life, but sometimes, feeling the fear, listening to that little nagging voice in your head and getting a second opinion might actually be your best course of action.
3. Talk to your kids about what you do.
Tell them that you are a story writer. That you write stories about them, about your life and if it is the case, about the products and services that you use. Tell them why people want to read your stories and why it is important for you to write them. Many of us are leaving a legacy behind for our children via our blogs and online writing. Make sure it is a good one. Be respectful of the little people in your life and their rights. When my son had recovered from his sudden and critical illness this past summer and I was finally able to write about it, I sat him down and talked to him. I asked him if it was okay that I wanted to write about what happened to him and to all of us. I showed him the pictures that I wanted to use in the post and he had final approval for the ones in it. I explained how so many people, from so many places had been praying and sending us love and get well messages while he was in the hospital and that this was a way for me to say thank you and to let them all know that he was getting better every day. It has opened a whole new door of communication between my children and I, and as they get older and become more aware of their own online presences, these conversations will be vital to our relationships and to my writing as well.
4. Do disclosure right.
**Full disclosure: I don't really do a whole lot of sponsored posts or product review posts.**
What I do though, is read a lot of blog posts from a lot of different kinds of bloggers. I am a consumer. A consumer of the content that is written and often times a consumer of the products being written about. And as such, I can tell you this, consumers do not like to be duped. Do not write a sentimental post about the fabulous vacation you've just had with your beautiful family, complete with all the pictures, the travel tips, the great amenities and then at the very bottom of the post let me know that the whole trip was sponsored and part of a marketing initiative. Do not write a heart wrenching post about a charity or socially conscious issue you are extremely passionate about, only to say in the last paragraph that it is part of a bigger campaign and then ask for support for said campaign. This kind of "disclosure" is akin to reading one of those great viral stories that get sent around via email or on Facebook and then at the end, implore or shame you into "sharing" it with 10 of your closest friends or else a pox will fall on your household. It is simply bad form. Out of respect for your readers, the ones who are part of the reason you are getting paid to do this work, please put all disclosure statements at the very top of your posts. In the end, you'll get more respect (and loyalty) from said readers. For a couple of examples of what I mean, check out what Jessica at Momma's Gone City did here or what Heather did with this post at Dooce. I read and loved both of those posts, because I love both of these ladies and the writing that they do, but I knew going in that there was a product being talked about. Let your readers make the decision to continue reading after your sponsorship or product review disclosure, don't fool them into it.
5. DO NOT STEAL! EVER!
It sucks that this even has to be said, but it really does. No, you can not Google a picture of an elephant and then just take the one that looks best from the images that you find in your search. No, you can not copy a complete blog post and repost it to a different site, even if you give credit to the author. No, you can not download photos from Facebook that are not yours and use them in your posts without permission. Copyright exists on a kind of spectrum and it is a good idea to read up and get a good handle on Fair Use and Copyright basics, so that you don't run into any trouble. And understand that the laws are somewhat different in Canada and the US. To be safe, take your own photos for your posts, or buy them from a stock photo site, or check the Creative Commons photos on flickr, which you can use, but require credit to the creator. And above all else, do not steal someone's words or ideas. As writers, these words are who we are, they are the product that we create, the stories that we tell and they are ours.
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I have way more to say about this year's expereince at Blissdom Canada, but I'll save that for another day. And there is so much more to say on the topic of blogging and ethics that this post could go on and on and on. What I am very happy about it that this conversation is happening and as the internet evolves, so must we in the way we behave online, how we share our content and the responsibility we have to both ourselves and our readers.
What more would you add to the conversation about ethics in blogging?
Natasha~
Photo Credit: Anna Epp Photography