making time for practice
Everything is a practice these days. We must practice gratitude, practice meditating, practice writing (or whatever your creative outlet is), practice our sport/yoga/fitness regime of choice, practice healthy eating, practice drinking more water and on and on.
I know it, you know it, but damn it, sometimes it just feels like NO ONE HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THAT PRACTICING!
In an effort to be a better practitioner of LIFE and all the things in it that give me joy and meaning, I am making a conscious effort to make time to practice some gratitude.
Right here. Right now.
Ok, here goes...
On Sunday, my family let me sleep in until 10 AM. My husband got up with the kids, fed everyone, walked the dog and then they just let me be. I eventually got out of bed, had a nice long shower and meandered out of my room around 10:30AM. It was glorious!
.....
And then, my daughter went into the play room, made 4 animal puppets from a foam craft kit ALL BY HERSELF and proceeded to cast herself and her brother in a puppet show for my enjoyment. I sat back, drank a cup of the new Goddess tea that I picked up at the Make It show and enjoyed my children's imaginations!
.....
Later that day, they asked if we could go to the library, "...the one with the fancy roof Mom." So off we went. I brought my laptop and my notebook and while the kids were off choosing books and playing phonics games on the library computers, I started to write and catch up on some #YearofWriting assignments (I am terribly behind in these!). The funny thing is, I haven't stopped writing since then. Either in the notebook (some things really are just for me) or here on my blog.
.....
Hmmmm.... maybe there is some truth to this practice thing. I'll keep going.
I have a hard time remembering or enjoying drinking 8+ glasses of water a day. So I made a deal with myself. I'll drink more of it IF it is bubbly. I bought a case of San Pellegrino at Costco and for the past few weeks have been happily drinking all the sparkly water I can! And just in case you were wondering, no, it is not bad for me and yes, it is just as hydrating as flat water.
.....
I do not like doing laundry. I will procrastinate doing this task until someone runs out of a critical piece of clothing and then starts asking me about it. I will then reluctantly start the sorting and washing and drying of said clothing. This usually drags out for a few days (Ok, fine, a week or more) and then, just as I have finally folded all the laundry from one week, I have to start on another weeks worth. Yesterday, I did 5 loads of laundry, folded 4 of them, put them away and now only have the towels left to finish folding today. The sense of accomplishment I have over this simple thing is completely ridiculous and yes, it is something that I could get used to. With practice. ;)
.....
OK, I don't want to overdo it here...
I'll keep this up and start a little bit of a weekly #gratitude post because...
PRACTICE!!
with gratitude,
n~
world's toughest job - I don't have it!
Mother's Day is less than a month away. Cue all the cheesy videos, montages and clever ads telling you how motherhood is the hardest job in the world... and of course, the most rewarding one too. You'll probably tear up while watching these videos, you won't necessarily want to, but the magic of the ad-man is that they know how to get to you!
The most recent (and instantly viral - 1.5 million views as of today) of these videos is this one from CardStore.com describing and interviewing people for the position of Director of Operations at Rehtom, Inc., AKA, the toughest job in the world.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/HB3xM93rXbY[/youtube]
Here are a few quotes from the "interview" that really stuck out for me, and as a mother and current Director of Operations for my own household, I would like to address these points.
"Constantly on your feet, constantly bending over, a high level of stamina..."
Right now I am sitting on my butt at Starbucks drinking a chai latte. I've got my favourite Songza playlist playing in my earphones and sure, I may be bent over my laptop typing, but it's really not requiring a lot out of me. Motherhood is a marathon people, not a sprint. You've got to pace yourself. I am not sure where this "constantly on your feet and then bending over" imagery comes from (perhaps here), but it's just plain silly. I sit and play with my kids, I sit down for meals with my family (more on that in a bit), I took the "sleep when baby sleeps" message to heart and did just that. I am assuming the bending over is related to picking up little children, or picking up AFTER little children, but even in that regard, I'm pretty sure I have never been all, "Phew... this sure takes a lot of stamina!" (Unless it's picking up LEGO, that shit requires stamina, patience and a whole new SFK (safe-for-kids) vocabulary for when you step on it.) And I won't even start on moms who have mobility issues or are in wheelchairs... because obviously they need not apply!
"No, there are no breaks available."
Oh please. OK, fine, NO, there are no breaks from motherhood. Once a mother, always a mother. Yeah, yeah, I hear you, but know this, there are also choices in motherhood. There is the choice to be the martyr mom, the one who never does take a break, and who is constantly complaining about said lack of breaks, yet never does anything about that (hello - it's called self-care folks and it is a thing!). I think that the bigger problem here is that some people actually do look at motherhood like a JOB, as if it is something that has parameters to it. Like it is some kind of 18-year contract work that comes with a policy and procedures manual. I am here to tell you (and I probably don't need to if in fact you ARE a mother), there is no manual, AND THIS IS NOT A JOB. It is a life choice. Some call it a role or a vocation, others call it a biological imperative and some would even call it a divine plan. Whatever you call it, understand this, motherhood is not a job. You don't get your two 15 minutes breaks, a 45 minute lunch and overtime after you've put in your 37.5 hours per week. You do however, get to choose how and when you do take your breaks and recharge yourself and leave all that martyrdom behind!
"You can have lunch, after the associate has had their lunch."
I'll admit that yes, I do make sure that everyone else if fed before I feed myself. As all mothers know, this is often done out of necessity... to stave of the wrath of The Hangry Toddler. What I also do is insist on everyone sitting down together for at least one meal a day. In our house, that is dinner. We all contribute to this time together, whether it is choosing the meal, setting the table, or helping to prepare the food. Even when my kids were little and just starting to sit up and eat solid food, we did this with them at the table, as a family at meal times. The problem with the "feed everyone before you feed yourself" mentality is that, once the "associates" have eaten, they want to go and do other things and there is no time for you to eat. Then your left with the second most terrifying thing next to The Hangry Toddler, The Hangry {Over-Caffeinated} Mother.
"The candidate must have a degree in medicine, finance and the culinary arts."
I have a degree in laboratory medicine and one in business management. My husband actually does have a degree in medicine. Not one of these academic degrees gives either of us any more qualifications to be a mother or father than anyone else walking around with degrees is psychology, education, the fine arts, chemical engineering or what-have-you. Parenting is not a degree you earn. It is hands-on learning and perhaps what having a degree in ANYTHING does for parents, is give them the tools and skills to figure shit out! (A university or college degree is in now way a prerequisite here.) Parents need a good amount of critical thinking skills, a whole lot of "flying by the seat of your pants" skills and a good measure of imagination and improvisational skills too. Add all of that up and maybe, just maybe you'll get an imaginary Doctorate in Parenting, but just remember that your advanced degree is primarily going to apply only to those attending the U of YOF (Your Own Family).
"If you had a life, we would ask that you give that life up."
This is the moment in the video that I wanted to say a big, Eff OFF! Mothers (and fathers) do not give up their lives when they have kids! They make choices, they make sacrifices, they grow. Their lives change, they don't END. Now, if by life, the video meant JOB or CAREER, then yes, some parents do give those up. This line of thinking just furthers the notion that a person is valued not by who they are, but by what they do for a living. And if you need a reminder of the value of a MOTHER, well, then this post could go on for a LONG time!
"No vacations. No time to sleep."
This is just a continuation of the no life thing. Guess what Moms, you CAN take vacations! You can take them with your kids and yes, you can even take them without the kids. Now, if you are like me, it may take you a few years to work up to the whole leaving the kids for more than a day thing, but I promise you it will be worth it and you can take baby steps all the way up to that lovely week long tropical getaway for you and your significant other or your closest girlfriends.
The whole sleep thing is a different story. All I have to say about this is that my kids are 5 and 7 and some nights I may not be sleeping in my own bed... BUT, I am sleeping. Do what works for you and yours and do try to get some sleep!
"The position is going to pay absolutely nothing. Completely pro bono."
The reaction of the interviewees to this information is spot on. Who in their right mind would accept a job as all encompassing as the one described and not expect to get paid and paid quite handsomely at that? NO ONE! No, not even a mother. Why? I'll say this again... slowly.
MOTHERHOOD. IS. NOT. A. JOB.
Yes, sometimes it is tedious. Sometimes it is drudgery and you feel like you are drowning under piles of laundry, dishes, toys and expectations. Sometimes you can't even remember the last time you ate, showered, or pee'd by yourself and/or behind a closed door. Most of the time the little things that you do all day, the things that actually make up your day are thankless tasks that no one notices but you. Even with all of this, it is still not a job.
You are not paid by the hour or have a yearly salary. There is no HR department for you to go complain to about your lack of break time or all the overtime you've been putting in without anyone acknowledging it or all the things that you do that were not in the "job description" (clean poop off of ceiling comes to mind for some reason). And above all, you do not get to go home after a long day "on the job".
This whole idea of motherhood martyrdom or the equally damaging deification of "capital M" mother is getting out of hand. It further pushes the value we place on mothers into a separate realm of unattainable or untouchable (and therefore immeasurable). It is not empowering, nor is it glorifying. All this kind of advertising does is turn motherhood into a commodity. Our lives become a simple thing that someone else can make a profit from simply by pushing some emotional buttons, and letting you know just how damn hard and unrewarding and relentless and all consuming this "job" is.
And in that regard, well done CardStore Ad agency, well done.
Now go and make your mother an effin' card, you ingrate!
(and put a BILLION dollars in it!)
Natasha~
Oh Hi! It's just me... you know, sitting down "on the job"!
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #21
Sometimes I wish for nothing to write here. Why? Because 8/10 things that I post in these feminist round-ups are not positive. They are perpetuations of the kind of culture we live in where women are still "other", still marginalized, still working for less, still trying to DO it all so they can have it all and never actually getting "it". Here we are in 2014, still talking about/legislating bodily rights, the "controversy" over the colour pink and why, who and how we are all somehow doing feminism wrong (or right). My friend @DanaDitomaso posted a hashtag Thursday morning that sums up the week very well: #FeministRageWeek.
And I warn you, you will totally understand why after you finish reading...
~~~~~
On Monday...
I am not a tech gal. I can write one, maybe two lines of code in an emergency and with a Youtube tutorial playing on the iPad beside me, but I have A LOT of friends who are very tech-y, who can write the shit out of code, who do this for a living AND... are women. Unfortunately the creators of the new HBO series, Silicon Valley, don't seem to run in the same kinds of circles that I do and apparently haven't met any women in the tech world. I have not yet seen the show, but according to Madrev at Medium.com there are only two female characters in the show and...
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On Tuesday...
Ad companies are really sticking their feet in it these days. If you thought the days of Mad Men sexism were gone, well, you'd be wrong. A few weeks ago an Autralian ad for Snickers thought they were being funny about guys not being "themselves" when they are hungry and it backfired quite spectacularly.
This week's "BADvertising" winner is Veet. You know, the chemically-laden crap that melts hair off of your body so you can be porn-star smooth? Yeah, that VEET. Apparently, and according to the three person female marketing team for Veet, having a bit of body hair or stubble the day after shaving will LITERALLY turn you into a dude! True Story! Veet has since pulled the US ads from Youtube and issued a "Sorry you're all such party poopers and didn't like our very funny joke" apology, but you can still find them here... You know, to fuel your rage a bit more.
Tuesday also brought us the release of the "much anticipated, first EVER, feature film from documentary filmmaker Chris Wiegand".
Umm, WHO??
Well, you see Chris is this guy who is married to Casey. Casey has a blog. It's one of those really pretty blogs with lots of pics of her three cute kids, their perfectly imperfect shabby chic decor and wardrobes and every picture is totally Pinterest-worthy. It's the kind of blog that you look at dreamily and then look at your pile of clean-but-not-folded-for-a-week laundry, mismatched bed sheets (NOT done on purpose) and kid with two different socks on (also not on purpose) and think, my God, how does she do it! And why doesn't someone make a movie about her and all her friends?
Chris did just that. He bought himself the ultimate hipster camper (an Airstream), travelled across the United States, made a movie about Casey and 51 of her closest blogging friends and called it American Blogger. If you haven't already seen the trailer, here you go.
[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/89759305[/vimeo]
Yes, this is a real trailer for a real movie. NO, it is not an SNL skit or something off of Funny or Die (like my husband thought). And yes, roughly 90% of bloggers (my non-scientific guess-timate) from America (and Canada and I'm going to assume everywhere else) are kind of upset about it. A quick Google search will find you plenty of posts examining why this is NOT a documentary about America or even about blogging, let alone American bloggers. I particularly liked Kelly's post at Debie Hive, and I think she hits the nail squarely on the head...
"One of the things that bothered me the very most about the trailer is the part where one of the women interviewed says something to the effect that if we don't put our writing out there, what are we doing it for? As if to say that the only value inherent in writing is that someone else reads it. I challenge this statement on its face, and I question if she's actually figured out what it means to be a writer yet. I don't think she has, and it makes me sad for her a little. A person who is just a blogger writes for an audience, particularly if they are doing it in some attempt to make a living which necessitates a loyal audience."
~~~~~
On Wednesday...
Not only do we now have pens for the ladies (Thank Bic, those man-pens were just getting too.... manly for me), now boys, you have no need to worry anymore about your yogurt! Don't eat that belly-dancing stuff. You need to get yourself some POWERFUL Yogurt or "Brogurt" as those in the media are calling it.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/zZMsI45mHVo[/youtube]
I am not kidding people, THIS TOO IS A REAL THING! And guys, I hope I don't need to tell you this, but just in case, you can not get washboard abs from a tub of greek yogurt! (I've tried.)
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On Thursday....
IN MY OWN CITY!!!
Ugh. This is a tough one.
I am not sure if this was a Social Media intern gone awry or an intentional click-baiting tweet or just plain ass stupidity, but Thursday morning a local and (up until today) much loved talk radio station posted the following tweet and link to an online poll.
You can't get much more victim blaming about sexual assault than actual putting the words VICTIM and BLAME in the same damn sentence. The outrage over this tweet (and identical post on the stations Facebook page) was swift and merciless. AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN! The worst part? Before the station took down the tweet and "apologized" by re-wording the question with more context, 35% of the respondents (I don't have actual numbers) said YES.
So, just in case ANYONE needs a reminder...
AND "Dear CHED. The answer is NO."
~~~~~
And now it's Friday...
I thought I'd leave you with something not so rage-inducing. How about a totally awesome gender swapping art series?
Have a great weekend everyone.
Maybe meditate a bit, calm the rage and get ready to keep on keeping on next week!
Luv ya,
natasha~
Chasing (choosing) the sun.
It's amazing what spring does to ones soul. With the snow (finally) melting away, the sun shining longer throughout the days and the birds singing louder on the newly budding trees, life all of a sudden just seems more hopeful. That is how I am feeling today.
But first, let me tell you how I got there.
Today I learned something new. It's a phenomenon called negativity bias, and we all have it. Since the beginning of humans actually. In a nutshell, negativity bias is "the psychological phenomenon by which humans have a greater recall of unpleasant memories compared with positive memories. People are much more biased to the avoidance of negative experiences and they tend to behave in ways that will help them avoid these events. With this, humans are much more likely to recall and therefore be influenced by the negative experiences of the past."
One of my family's favourite animated movies of the past year was The Croods and that family's mantra is a perfect illustration of negativity bias at work.
The main character, Eep, starts the movie narrating and sets the stage:
"My name is Eep. And this is my family, the Croods. If you weren't clued in already by the animal skins and sloping foreheads, we're cavemen. Most days we spend in our cave, in the dark. Night after night, day after day. Yep, home sweet home. When we did go out, we struggled to find food in a harsh and hostile world. And I struggled to survive my family. We were the last ones around. There used to be neighbors. Uh, the Gorts, smashed by a mammoth. The Horks, swallowed by a sand snake. The Erfs, mosquito bite. Throgs, common cold. And the Croods, that's us. The Croods made it, because of my dad. He was strong, and he followed the rules. The ones painted on the cave walls. Anything new is bad. Curiosity is bad. Going out at night is bad. Basically, anything fun is bad. Welcome to my world!"
Or very simply, as Thug, the dad, puts it, "Never NOT be afraid."
The problem with negativity bias and this kind of thinking is that the part of our brain that still tends to behave like that of a caveman (the amygdala or "primitive" brain) is wired to go negative and store all of that information for easy access. All our childhood (and adulthood) experiences, both experienced and seen are in there and as a result our brains are programmed to overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities and resources. This all served us very well, way back when food was scarce and the risk of getting eaten by a tiger or smashed by a mammoth were imminent. Nowadays though, this kind of thinking gets us into more trouble than we think. We are a world filled with anxiety, fear and unease. We are constantly being fed a steady diet of negativity, through the news, social media, TV shows and movies. It has gotten to the point that the positive things that happen in our daily lives can seem too small and insignificant when compared to all the terrible/awful/really bad things happening in our big world.
What's even worse than the negativity bias that makes us anxious and afraid of our big world is the smaller, and perhaps even more insidious negativity bias that affects us in our own minds. Some of you know this phenomenon as the bitch in the corner, others know it as the lizard brain, and some call it the little hater. It's that voice in our head that tells us we are not _______ enough. That voice that keeps us from doing or being our wholehearted selves, because of the fear, the doubt and the insecurity that it brings with it.
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I started part two of the Brene Brown "Gifts of Imperfection" course this past week and ALL of the homework was centred around creativity and embracing ourselves as creative beings. We even had to print that on a piece of paper and place it where we can see it (and say it) everyday.
See...
And then we had to start to heal our creative wounds. The ones that we heard as kids, the ones that we inflict upon ourselves via our little haters or the ones that we internalize from the world and society around us.
I had some wounds left over from my childhood that I didn't realize still hurt ("You just don't have a dancer's body") and then there are the ones that I hear daily either from myself or that I perceive from others ("You are not the creative/play parent" and the ever present "You are not a writer, you are just a blogger.") Putting the bandages on those wounds seemed silly at first, but choosing the words to heal them was the real medicine.
And that is what it all comes down to in the end.
A choice.
Do I choose to believe the words that wound or the ones that heal? Do I choose to listen to the little haters in my mind or tell them to shut the hell up? Do I choose to live in fear, always with a certain threat level activated or do I choose to push past the fear and negativity and see the positive, no matter how small?
In The Croods, Eep and her family had to change the rules, they had to abandon their fears, reach for the sun and follow it until tomorrow. They had to evolve past the negativity bias in their brains and choose not only to live, but to live with intention. And if animated cavemen can do it, I think I can manage it too.
And that is why I am feeling hopeful today.
Because...
Every Moment is a Choice.
Retreat to the dark cave or reach for the sun?
N~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #20
Feminist Fare Friday is bought to you today by the inimitable Ms. Gloria Steinem.
Happy 80th Birthday Gloria!
For all the work you have done, for all the torches you have lit, and for all the ways we need to keep our torches lit, and keep working to light even more. We thank you.
I thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~
1. Liz Gumbinner at MOM-101, wrote this great post in honour of Ms. Steinem's birthday. Go and read it. And in case you miss it (it's one of the links in the above post), please read this post from Liz as well, from way back in 2006 (which is, like, the stone-age of blogging! Ha!) in which Gloria Steinem talks about the stay at home mother and feminism.
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2. The fine people at Makers.com put together a nifty little infographic of Gloria Steinem's life. It highlights what we know about her and what we may not know and is a great insight into her life and her legacy.
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3. This week was also the week that CBC radio and Jian Ghomeshi really stuck their collective feet in it when they aired a debate about rape culture on Ghomeshi's popular radio show Q. (Your first clue here should be the word "debate".) Folks, the fact that people who are witnessing a rape can't even identify it as such (think Steubenville case) shows us how much of a problem this is. The social media outrage and response to the myriad of rape apologists was witnessed in the #rapecultureiswhen hashtag and outlined in this PolicyMic post from Danielle Paradis.
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4. My little Kindergartener has been having a colour-a-day theme going on at school this past week and yesterday was pink day. It was also her celebration of learning day and parents were encouraged to also wear the colour of the day. My daughter has A LOT of pink in her wardrobe. She likes bright colours and is not afraid to mix and match. Finding something for her to wear yesterday was not an issue. In my wardrobe on the other hand, I have one pyjama top and one sports bra that are pink. That's it. I am not opposed to the colour pink, it's just not a colour that I gravitate to when choosing my garments.
Pink has been in the media again this week (the colour, not the singer!) and my friend Avital Norman Nathman very aptly expresses the "problem" with pink in this post over at The Mamafesto.
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Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Keep fighting the good fight!
N~
happy friday
My kids are at a sleep over at Auntie's house. We have late dinner reservations (seriously, it feels SO weird to be eating at 8:30 PM!) and although the weather says otherwise here on the Prairies, it is new Spring blog header day!
And it is Mr. Roger's birthday today and he said some pretty cool things in his day.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone!
n~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #19.
This is officially my 400th published post on this site! Last night I was racking my brain trying to think of something EPIC and truly profound to write about and well, Scandal was on, so... Do not fear though! In light of International Women's Day last weekend, I have found a treasure trove of things for you to read and watch this weekend to get your feminism ON!
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1. The folks at Glamour asked TED put together a list of the Top 10 TED talks by women that all women people really should watch. I was quite pleased that I had already seen 5 of the 10 and was blown away by the rest of them. Especially this one by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who observed her own stroke as it was happening.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/UyyjU8fzEYU[/youtube]
Bookmark this page and please watch these talks at your leisure. I promise, you won't be disappointed.
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2. If you haven't heard already, there is a new campaign by the Sheryl Sandberg "Lean-in" crowd going around called #BanBossy. Many feminists have written varying opinions about it this week, myself included. bell hooks even got in on this one and started tweeting her own version of reclaiming the word with the Twitter hashtag #bossyandproud. Jessica Bennet at Time.com wrote a handy guide for how not to sound like a sexist or use sexist language and I thought it highlighted very nicely all the ways that we use a lot of different words in sexist ways every day and points out how we can change this.
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3. Ever wanted to be a real life super hero? Well now you can by simply joining the growing force at GenderAvenger.com. Gender Avenger was founded by Gina Glantz and has a mission of "building a community that ensures women are represented in the public dialog." I performed my first mission as a Gender Avenger this past week and nominated CBC's Hockey Night in Canada to the Gender Avenger Hall of Shame for their use of the word DIVERSE to describe their new line up of hosts and commentators (Hint: the line up is all male and all white). You too can become a #genderavenger! Sign up for the newsletters, get yourself one of these fancy-schmancy badges, and speak up when you see women being left out of the public dialog.
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4. I came across this lovely, colourful infographic the other day called "The Science of Raising Happy Kids". It is from an app and website called Happify.com that from what I can gather is a kind of Lumosity for getting happier. There are some really good points to consider here and I particularly liked point #2. Be happy mamas, it matters not only to you, but to your kids too!
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5. The other day one of my lovely Instagram followers sent me the following message:
"I haven't been following you long, but I had the opportunity to meet Gloria Steinem this weekend and thought of you!"
Umm, WOW! First, that she got to meet Ms. Steinem and second, she thought of ME! I read an excerpt from an essay that Gloria Steinem wrote for MS. Magazine last week about the myths of feminism and why our revolution has just begun and it has made my resolve even stronger to continue in this thing called Feminism and to keep lighting the torches of others. We still have a long, long way to go....
~~~~~
Have a great weekend Avengers, Revolutionaries and Happiness creators!
love and light,
n~
bossy boots
I am a firm believer in language and the power that words have in our lives. Whether it is the words that we speak to ourselves, the ones we use to address others or the ones we read or hear, words surround us all the time. And as such, we need to use them well. It seems that today, the word of the day is "BOSSY", thanks in part to a new campaign from the Sherly Sandberg "Lean-in" crowd and the folks from Girl Scouts of America. Their new #BanBossy campaign is aimed at, well... just that, banning the word "bossy" from conversations, especially those about and around assertive, confident girls and women. In an article for the Wall Street Journal, Ms. Sandberg and Anna Maria Chavez, CEO of Girl Scouts of USA discuss the new campaign:
I completely understand the intent of this campaign and the message that it hopes to spread, I am just not sure of the wording of it all. Now, maybe this has something to do with my general dislike of the whole 'lean-in' phenomenon (I don't believe leaning in to a man's world makes things more equal on any level) or perhaps it is the very privileged heights that this type of preaching is coming from, but there is something about this #banbossy campaign that is not sitting well with me.
Maybe it is because I am a bossy woman. I was a bossy kid (I am the oldest of four-hello, birth order traits!), and I guess that bossiness just kind of stuck. I like to think that I am a do-er, I see things that need doing and when no one else is stepping up, I do and then, I just kind of naturally take charge. True story - the first time I met my then boyfriend/now husband's friends from undergrad was at an outdoor wedding in a beautiful park in downtown Vancouver. It had rained the night before and the area for the ceremony was right beside a pond and the natural habitat of about 50 Canada geese. It was literally covered in wet stinky goose poop. While everyone was lamenting about how awful the situation was, I recruited the groomsmen, the ushers and a few others and in half an hour we had cleared a path and the area for the ceremony of all traces of the stinky little poop landmines and marked it out with white balloons tied to trees. I suppose to some that may have seemed bossy, but to the bride and groom and their guests, I like to think not having goose poop all over their wedding finery was more important that day than whether or not their buddy's new girlfriend was a bossy boots.
Danielle Henderson over at The Stranger wrote a response to the #banbossy campaign and I tend to agree with her on this one.
And Micheline Maynard at Forbes had this to say:
I am still and will likely always be a bossy boots. I speak up when I have something to say, I use my voice to speak (and write) for others when they can not and I tend to just DO what needs to be done. That is the kind of example I want my daughter to see, I want her to know that speaking up is the right thing to do, and that she has every right to be the boss if that is what she wants. And I know that she does see it. When I observe her playing with her friends, she is a leader already, a quiet one at first, feeling her way into the crowd and assessing her situation and then directing play and using her imagination and helping others. It's quite fascinating really and I find myself beaming with "that's my girl" mama-pride when I see this "bossy" side of her showing itself.
The thing is, I doubt Sheryl Sandberg or Anna Maria Chavez got to where they are today without being a little bit bossy. Clear in their ambition and goals, assertive in achieving them and never really listening to the nay-sayers telling them that "no one likes a bossy girl". Again, I find myself taken aback and somewhat insulted by this message that women have to alter our selves and now our language in order to be taken seriously, or to "get a seat at the table", so to speak. When I think of the women whom I respect, I think of bold women, fierce women, women whose spirits are strong and proud. Some are loud, some are quietly powerful and some are downright bossy. Whatever the case, they all get shit DONE!
In the end, I truly believe that this one little word is never going to hold back the power of OUR daughters and I sincerely hope that this new campaign doesn't end up giving it more power and not less.
#beBOSSIER
N~