Natasha Chiam 8/31/12 Natasha Chiam 8/31/12

A good day

Today I got up early. Got the kids ready, got myself ready, walked the dog, made myself a smoothie and was out the door by 8:00AM. I know what you are thinking... Dry run for school next week right?

Wrong.

Today, for the first time in MONTHS, I made it to an #SMBYEG (Social Media Breakfast Edmonton) meeting!

My lovely sister-in-law had the morning off and offered to take the kids for breakfast and I gladly took her up on her offer.

Some of you may be asking, what on earth is #SMBYEG and what exactly do you do there?

In a nutshell...

SMBYEG houses an open environment to share today’s best and worst examples of social media, as practiced by individuals, industries and organizations in Edmonton and around the world. Guest speakers share their experience and expertise of social media use, followed by an opportunity to network with a community of like-minded individuals.

Basically, a bunch of awesome local folks get together once a month to share ideas and experiences, to heckle the host (I love you @hedgehodge) and to meet up with a lot of other social media geeks and freaks that are doing a lot of great things in social media in our city and in our world!

I hadn't realized how much I missed these events and missed seeing all of these fine people in real life until I walked into that room this morning. I seriously got a head rush from it all! The new home of #SMBYEG is the fabulous Startup Edmonton venue in the refurbished Mercer Building and is yet another reason to be excited about these events (and did I mention the coffee and treats from Roast Coffee House + Wine Bar... soooo GOOD)!

AND...

To top off my incredible morning, not only did I get to see so many of Edmonton's local social media scene, I also got to hang out with this particular little social media darling!

Photo courtesy of @luzzara, baby courtesy of @JenBanksYEG

And then the kids and I had a play date with some new neighbourhood and school friends, we all had dinner with the family and then I came home and had the most riveting Twitter conversation ever!

It really was a VERY, good day!

Cheers to you all,

Natasha~

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And thus ends my posts for the Summer Blog Challenge. I *almost* made it!

This is Post #30.

I am taking the long weekend off to mull over some things and will be back to the keyboard next week.

Natasha Chiam 8/31/12 Natasha Chiam 8/31/12

Prince Charmings need not apply

Last night I was up until 1:00 AM having a very interesting conversation with a few people on a friend's Facebook wall. Kevin posted this status update to his page and his blog and then let the chips fall (and as you can see, they did indeed fall... 115 times).

The conversation got off to a quick start when another commenter posted that he disagreed, did not love 'bitches' and then said this,

And I think a lot of modern female culture is just an excuse for bad behaviour and out of control narcissism.....

I couldn't resist, at that point I HAD to say something.

I asked him for clarification on what he thought "modern female culture" was and after some initial back and forth and outright and admitted ignoring of my question, he finally answered.

Natasha - modern female culture: a couple of weeks ago I met with a public relations strategist. Years of data and research led him to conclude that the only demographic that makes sense these days is women 30-55. They make 47% of all family decisions alone, 33% of family decisions in collaboration with their partner but they are dominant in the discussion, and men make 20% of the decisions (most of which revolve around golf and cars). The conclusion? Men have become functionally irrelevant in modern society. Women rule. Male presidents and prime ministers and CEOs only mask much deeper and profound changes of the past two decades. Your gender is now dominant.

He went on to state a bunch of other anecdotal evidence of the above as well. That most of his male friends admit that their wives and girlfriends are the dominant ones in their relationships and that they are unhappy about this and that in general, men don't like to date women who are dominant.

While in this day and age the concept of one party being dominant in any relationship, especially a marriage/life partnership, smacks of some severe dysfunctionality to me, I was really trying to understand this person's point of view. Why, you ask? Because lately, I have witnessed some of this very behaviour in a few relationships around me and I am trying to figure out why this is happening.

Have men truly become 'functionally irrelevant' in our society?

A woman does not NEED a man these days. A woman can support herself financially, can train in any profession or trade she chooses, and can even have children without a man. Women make 85% of consumer purchasing decisions and 75% of women identify themselves as the primary purchaser for their households.

Women continue to seek equality in terms of jobs and salaries paid (we are still a ways off from this as the most recent statistics from Stats Canada reveal that women are still only making 83.3% of what a man makes). We want our relationships to be true partnerships, with each person having their strengths (and weaknesses) complimented by those of the other person.

We have come a long way from the fairy tales of princesses needing knights in shining armour to save and protect us from all things. And although that "princess culture" still exists, we fight it, some of us more fervently than others. We tell our daughters that they can be anything they want to be, that there is more to life than being a pretty princess waiting for her prince charming to come along.

But where does this leave all those Prince Charmings? All those boys who are now men, who heard the same stories and grew up believing that it is their job to take care of the princesses, move them into their own castles and live happily ever after? Is there a whole generation of men who really don't know how to have functional relationships with women who have brains as well as beauty? Women who refuse to BE the princesses, who don't tow the old lines of "honor and obey thy husband" or society's historical expectations of what a proper woman is or does (IE, shut up, smile and look pretty)?

From what I read and contributed last night on my friend's Facebook thread and from what I have witnessed recently in my own world, I think that for some men, this may indeed be the case. They need to be the dominant ones in their relationships, the one pulling the strings, making all the major decisions and the one being the knight who has the pretty, helpless (and quiet) princess on his arm at the ball.

I don't think they make up a lot of our society and I do think that this may be limited to men of a certain generation (40+). I highly doubt we will see this in the next few generations of boys and men who are being brought up by strong women who no longer buy into all of this princess/prince charming culture, but are strong, intelligent and independent Queens who are running their own kingdoms, with or without a King of equally valuable strength, intelligence, love and compassion at their sides!

What do you think? Are the middle-aged Prince Charmings of the world struggling with their role in modern society?

Natasha~

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This is Post #29 of the Summer Blog Challenge that ENDS TODAY!

Please visit these other sites and congratulate all of the challenge participants for getting through this month

and giving you all some great reading!

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/30/12 Natasha Chiam 8/30/12

what mamas day dream about

Sometimes I daydream about a different life. Not that I want a different life, but some days are harder than others and my mind wanders...

I dream about grabbing my car keys and heading out the door to hit my favourite trendy cafe and then staying there for hours sipping on flat whites and reading my book.

I walk by stores in the mall and lust after "work" clothes! Beautiful pencil skirts and and blouses and shoes with heels!

I talk to my friends who have careers and who are making a difference in their worlds and I wonder if I am missing out, if I gave up too easily on that path. I wonder what my dream job would be now....

I dream of booking a last minute tropical vacation for Natural Urban Dad and I and just showing up at his office with our suitcases and tickets and taking off!

I dream of a whole night's rest and then SLEEPING IN UNTIL 10 AM!! Totally uninterrupted, totally nude and totally by myself in a huge king sized bed with that fabulous Heavenly Bedding from the Westin Hotels!!

I dream about having fabulous dinners with all my girlfriends and being oh, so 'Sex and the City 'about it all! No babysitter to pay, no "it's a school night" self-imposed curfew, no worries about how many martinis I am having.

I dream about having a different body, one that is not sagging, bunching or dimpling as much as this one is. And one that I don't have to work so hard to get.

But mostly I dream about quiet.

Quiet walks with just me and the dog. Quiet baths with just me and the bubbles. Quiet time with just me, a glass of wine and my laptop to write and read and write and read and then write some more.

It's perhaps why I am always up so late. THIS is my quiet time around here. After the kids are bathed and in bed, the dishes are washed, the laundry folded, emails answered, workout completed, to do lists created and all is DONE.

Now if only I didn't need all this sleep.

But then again, that is when the really good dreams come...

Photo Credit: nicole.pierce.photography's Photostream on Flickr

What about you? What do you daydream about?

Until tomorrow's quiet hours,

Natasha~

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This is Post #28 on Day 30 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge.

Why yes, I will be a busy little blogging beaver for the next 24 hours!

On the other hand... these folks can count.

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/28/12 Natasha Chiam 8/28/12

date night

You know what is important when you are married with kids? Date night.

Especially after a day with 4 kids under 6. One of these my 4-month old baby nephew, who HAS to be worn at all times. (I think I MAY have forgotten how this is all baby plus other kids stuff is done and I can now honestly say that I do not *in any way* want any more kids!)

Anywho...

Lately, what Natural Urban Dad and I have found, is that date night with another couple is a great way to have even more fun!

You can commiserate with each other, share inappropriate stories that only other parents will understand, and it never drags on and on because everyone needs to get home to pay the babysitter.

So make a list of your couple/parent friends and start double dating again!

And then come home after an amazing meal (and lots of sangria) at Tres Carnales and more wine for dessert and start taking ridiculous Photobooth pictures of yourself!

Trying to appear sultry and failing by managing to make it look like my finger needs to hold up my chin?

CLOSE-UP!

How I am likely to feel in the morning!

Whatevs.....

It was all worth it!

Thanks to J and S, and of course, Natural Urban Dad for a great double date night!

Cheers,

Natasha~

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I know I still have one to catch up on, but here is tonight's (slightly inebriated) post!

Day 28 of the Summer Blog Challenge!

Go see what the sober bloggers have been up to today...

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/27/12 Natasha Chiam 8/27/12

A thank you to the ladies

This is for all the women in my life who inspire me. Who amaze me daily and who I am so proud to know and call friend, confidante, family, bestie, partner and more...

1. To the woman who finally realized her worth and although I can't even imagine how much this hurts, took the first steps to getting out of an unhappy situation. I am proud of you and am here for you always.

2. To the two women I call my best friends. Both with three children each, one working full-time with travel time away from her family, the other completely devoted to her role as a stay-at-home mama. You have both taught me so much about letting go, holding on, making the most of these moments and living life as a mother, a woman and a friend. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart.

3. To my Godmother. May your wish be granted soon, so that you can be together again forever and ever. No truer love story do I know than yours. Gros Bisous!

4. To my mothers. To my own for always showing me what it means to love unconditionally, without reservation or judgment and to give with a whole heart. To my husband's for accepting me for who I am and for learning from me as much as I do from her. (There is correlation here... I know it!)

5. To the women who are my 'posse'. My late night tweeters and play date meet-ers. The women who make me laugh, who share recipes for food, love and daily survival and who are my fabulous #MountainAshBeeches! This life would be so boring without you!

6. To the women who are gone but not forgotten. The ones who moved far away, the ones who are not far away but whose lives took paths away from mine, and the ones who are no longer with us in this world. Thank you for all that you did to shape and mould me, to teach me, to challenge me, to take me outside my box and make me take a good hard look at myself. I am who I am today because I knew you once upon a time and because of the life lessons I gleaned from you along the way.

7. To my daughter. For that look in your eye that tells me THIS is going to be one hell of a ride. And that Karma has no better embodiment in the world than a daughter who is JUST LIKE YOU!

I Love you ALL,

Natasha~

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Post 26 on Day 27 of the Summer Blog Challenge.

So close... just a few more days (+1)!!

Keep it up everyone!

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/26/12 Natasha Chiam 8/26/12

The babysitter conundrum

Ah, the babysitter, that coveted being that you can trust with your kids, that will play with them, feed them, care for them, and keep them alive long enough for you to sneak in a date night here and there, or get to a spin class or do those errands that take 1.5 hours when you are alone, but at least 4 hours when the kids are with you. For some of us the babysitter is a family member. Grandma and Grandpa or the aunties and uncles. But what happens when no family is around to help out? When you live far away from your family or caring for your kids regularly is a bit much for the grandparents?

Besides our family members, my kids have had three babysitters. One is the teenage daughter of my former La Leche League leader and has known my kids since they were teeny tiny and has loved them ever since, one is a wonderful woman that I met at a Modern Mama babysitter mixer and has been our regular day-time sitter for the past 18 months and the third is a new girl that also sits for one of my best friends.

The problem is that two of them are heading back to school in the fall and our regular sitter had the nerve to go off and get married and is starting a family of her own (Sheesh!). So I am now without a regular sitter for any or all of the above reasons that I would need one!

And being as we just moved into a new neighbourhood, I have been keeping my eyes open and ears to the ground for any leads close by. It just so happens that our immediate neighbours across the alley are a lovely family with two teenage boys (14 and 16) and my first thought moving in was, "I wonder if either of them would want to babysit for us?".

I am bringing this up, because the topic of babysitters came up today with the kids while out for a family walk. Little C asked me if our new babysitter was going to be a boy. Up to now and before we moved, I had not really contemplated the idea, mainly because we did not have any boys of the babysitting age around us or available and I already had the best sitters around!

One of my kids favourite story books is a Fancy Nancy one called, "Fancy Nancy & the Sensational Babysitter". In it Nancy is anxiously awaiting her new babysitter 'Alex' and is bitterly disappointed when HE shows up! In the end Alex turns out to be quite good at this babysitting thing and Nancy gives him a big thumbs up and hopes he comes again soon. The concept of a boy being a babysitter is not a big deal to my children.

But it seems that for others, this is not the case. Tonight just before dinner, I posed this question on both Twitter and Facebook.

"Have you or would you hire a teenage boy to babysit your kids?"

The responses have ranged from a straight up "Hell, no!" to "I have, I do and I would gladly sing his praises. He's an excellent kid and is a fabulous sitter for my 2 year old daughter!". A few have said that they wouldn't want to 'take the risk' with a boy sitter. Most comments say that yes, they would and that choosing a sitter is about knowing the person, regardless of gender. A lot of comments have been about fabulous memories of the boy babysitters people had as kids and the common thread is that they often tend to play more with kids than the girls do.

But the two comments that have stood out the most for me are from my friend Farren and from the husband of another friend.

Farren said, "We limit boys and men as nurturers simply by entertaining this idea. Trust people, not genders."

And Doug said, "...Boundaries are defined not only by what they contain, but by what's outside them. It's not about the teenage boy, it's about those who question the teenage boy... and why. It all comes down to individual trust, and I don't see what gender has to do with that."

While the majority of the comments have been that yes, most would or have had a boy babysitter, the ones that won't even consider it an option because of the potential risk that is perceived when a teenage boy is alone with kids and left to his own devices are the ones that are burning a hole in my gut tonight.

I can understand the need to protect our children from any and all potential harm, but what I can't understand is the blatant sexism and prejudice that exists in our world. Yes, there are bad men out there and they do some very bad things {trust me people, THIS I know}, but to paint all boys with a blatant "never gonna happen" paintbrush, just doesn't sit well with me. My 17-year old nephew is a huge kid, he is 6'2" already, has a deep man's voice and is a guy's guy. He is also the most gentle and patient kid I have ever seen. He is an amazing big brother to his 2.5 year old sister and a super fun cousin for my little ones. That someone would think that because he is a boy, this makes him any less caring or potentially more 'dangerous' than say, his 14-year old sister, makes me shake my head.

These boys are the future fathers of our world and like Farren says, why would we want to limit their potential for nurturing? Why not give them a chance to care for small people, to learn these life skills and be better MEN for it? How many of us are married to men who never spent much time with kids before they had their own? Why would we want to perpetuate this cycle? How can we even start to contemplate a world in which we are all equal when we can't even see a teenage girl and a teenage boy as having equal merit as a babysitter?

I have a lot of questions tonight and not a lot of answers. Doug's comment has me thinking and thinking. About the boundaries that we put up around our children and ourselves. About what we are trying to contain (innocence? theirs? ours?) and what we are trying to keep out. About my own prejudices and fears and from that {not yet talked about} place from which they stem...

The reality is, that I am still in need of a few good babysitters for my roster. If the boys across the alley are game, are good kids (as I suspect they are) and have some basic babysitting skills (IE, can make a mean PB&J sandwich, know a few things about LEGO building and can muddle through a tea party), then I'm pretty sure I am too.

Wish me luck!

Natasha~

What about you? Would you or have you had a boy babysitter care for your kids? Why or why not?

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This is Post 25 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge.

There are some good ones today from my co-bloggers, please check them out.

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/24/12 Natasha Chiam 8/24/12

On writing... {oh wait, someone else already wrote that}

Reading usually precedes writing and the impulse to write is almost always fired by reading. Reading, the love of reading, is what makes you dream of becoming a writer.

~Susan Sontag

Yup. What she said!

There truly is nothing more inspiring than reading someone else's really great writing to get your own writing juices flowing. And right now, I feel like a flood-swollen river is raging through my brain.

I have just finished reading all of the Five Star Friday posts from Schmutzie's weekly weblog round-up and all I can say is...

OH. MY. GAWD. It was one helluva good week for the writers of the interwebs!

I can't possible recap all of it, so just head on over there and read them all! It is well worth your time, I promise. (Also, I may be full-on fangirl crushing on Schmutzie right now, she really is kind of super-duper awesome!)

And speaking of WRITERS.

I said it last night.

Someone asked me what I do and I said, " I am a writer."

I am not sure that all would 'technically' agree with me on this one, but it is how I feel about myself. It is how I want to feel and think about what I am doing with my life and since it now is what I am doing (in between all the mothering, wife-ing and life living stuff), I am going to say it again.

I am a writer.

I may not be a particularly GOOD writer just yet, but I am getting there. I am truly focused on becoming better at this craft and am right now setting new goals for myself in this regard! I have made the very tough decision to forgo any major blogging conferences this year in favor of taking a few creative writing courses and finding a great writing retreat or seminar to attend. I am getting serious here people!

And something else happened today. An idea popped into my head. One that has never happened before. A fictional idea.

A BOOK idea.

I have never thought of myself as a fiction writer (well, let's be honest, I have not really been thinking of myself as a writer at all until very recently), so the fact that I had this little brain toot today kind of came as a surprise to me. And I just can't stop thinking about it.

That must mean something right?

Now before I start getting WAY too ahead of myself, I figure I am going to need a few things to get me to the point that I (and others) can feel more comfortable identifying me as a writer. To that end, I am arming myself with some tools of the trade recommended to me by some amazing writers that I love and respect.

First up, On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE that I know, who has read this book has said that it is life {and craft} changing! I have just finished reading the first two of his three forewords and I can already see that this will likely be the case for me too.

And because Mr. King said so in the second of the aforementioned forewords, the other tool of the trade that I am arming myself with is Strunk & White's The Elements of Style. I figure if I am to be any kind of writer, it is probably a good idea to have THE essential book of writing at my disposal. I am sure I am breaking all the basic rules of writing left, right and centre every day here, some of them I recognize, others I do not. Let's hope this helps me recognize the really awful ones and remedy what I can!

Writing is a funny thing. It is freeing, it is strangely addictive and it is incredibly empowering. It taps into that part of me that I often keep hidden deep inside. It lets me exercise my brain, work out my thoughts, ideas and feelings and it is something that is mine. ALL mine. I mean, I share it with all of you of course, but these are my words, my thoughts, my prose.

What I write may not always be that important or interesting to everyone, but for me, every sentence that I type is one step further into this world of words and thought and imagination that makes me feel whole.

And for the last few days all I keep thinking about are the books and blog posts and essays that I have read that have changed my life and I am wondering what it would feel like to be the one who wrote the words that actually did that for someone else....

Natasha~

Natasha Chiam 8/23/12 Natasha Chiam 8/23/12

Wordless Wedne... Um Thursday.

OK fine, I am just too darn tired to actually write a whole bunch tonight. I just got back from a block party meeting. Which means that, YES, I am finally making some friends in our new neighbourhood! For both me and the kids! And I can't wait for the party! It is going to be so much fun! {Okay, THAT is a whole lot of exclamation points. I MAY have had some wine at the meeting.}

Today was spent at the Edmonton Fringe Festival with my sister and her kids, and although it was an overcast day, the cousins all had a blast together!!

Our favourite street performers where the incredibly fun and cute twin sister act, The Kif-Kif Sisters from Quebec City. My favourite part of the act may have been the giant balloon boobies, but the kids loved when the sisters actually started to put their whole bodies INSIDE the balloons!

And then of course you have THESE two little toddler upstagers, totally trying to steal the show from the performers on the stage! They were even taking bows when the crowd was clapping. I was somewhat embarrassed, but also kind of proud of their first street performance as well!