Sleep.

I have not slept a full 8 hours a night in 1, 596 days. NO LIES. My son was born just before 8 PM on Monday, December 11, 2006 and I did not sleep that night. I spent it up in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit watching him breath and finally getting to hold him at 3 AM. The first week he was there, I went home at night and was up every three hours to pump breast milk for him. His second week in NICU, I stayed at the hospital in the old nurse's residence and was paged every 2-3 hours to go and nurse him.

He was so small and we were so new to all of this. In the NICU every beep, every blip on a monitor made us jump, our moments were measured in decels and oxygen sats, and we came to rely on the machines to reassure us that he was breathing and his heart was beating.

And then he was discharged. He was 4 pounds when we brought him home and could not go more than 2 hours without nursing. I slept in half-hour to 45 minute increments all day long, every day. We no longer had the machines to tell us he was breathing, and so we did not sleep. He slept between us in our bed. And with every stirring, every little moan, we were awake and checking on him.

And this did not stop as the months went on. He slept with us in our bed for his first four months, in his room for about 6 weeks after that and then we moved when he was six months old and he was back in our bed. And through it all never sleeping for more than 3-4 hours.

And of course I did all the "wrong" things (insert eye roll here). I nursed him to sleep, I allowed him to sleep in our bed, I napped with him during the day and I did not teach him to self-sooth. Natural Urban Dad and I became the experts at nighttime parenting, as in we were UP all night 'parenting' our child!!

Oh, trust me, I read ALL the books. Sears, Weissbluth, Pantley and please don't shoot me, even Ezzo. None of it rang true to me. and I refused to do anything remotely resembling "crying it out". What mattered to me was being with my child and soothing him when he needed it and he needed it, A LOT!

A few months before my daughter was born we bought C his Big Boy bed. We skipped the toddler size and went straight for the double bed. Maybe that was a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy, because once L was born and for most of her first year we effectively had a 'girls bed' and a 'boys bed' in our house.

And we were OK with that, sort of. I mean there was still little sleep for me, L was a voracious nurser, and kind of terrible co-sleeper (she is more of the kicking, punching, I gotta be on a boob to sleep kind). The boys on the other hand slept just fine!

(Total aside, but I am now watching that new sitcom "Rasing Hope" and they are talking all about sleep training the poor little baby! Wierd.)

Anywhoo, like I was saying...not sleeping a full night for over 1500 days. I get distracted very easily.

Then about three weeks ago, thanks to the suggestion of a friend, we found a simple reward system that seems to work for C. If he sleeps all night long, all by himself, and in his own bed, then he gets two 'chips' (and yes, by chips, I mean Poker Chips). When he reaches a certain number of chips he gets to 'cash' them in for different things. New books, trips to the zoo or museum, a special toy or even a bag of his favourite Spiderman fruity treats. And he is doing very well with this, with more nights of full sleep for him in the past three weeks than in the past 3 years!

Don't judge me people, I am getting desperate here and the poker chips are working! Although it is not getting any better with kid number two. Little Miss, I thought we had this one all figured out, she used to be able to fall alseep on her own, is now the kid who is up 3-8 times a night and ONLY wants Mama! And she is too young to really GET the whole reward/chip system just yet.

So imagine my excitement when I saw THIS in my Facebook feed this morning!!

Go the Fuck To Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Honest, profane, and affectionate, Adam Mansbach's verses and Ricardo Cortés' illustrations perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night, and open up a conversation about parenting in the process. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the Fuck to Sleep is a perfect gift for parents new, old, or expectant. Here is a sample verse:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now. The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear Please go the fuck to sleep.

I WANT THIS BOOK! And depending on the night, I may or may not be reading it to my kid(s)!!

Sleep tight everyone,

Natasha~

P.S. I also bought some Hyland's Homeopathic Calms Forte for Kids and am giving it a shot with L tonight. Both of us need to get some good night-time sleep and I am really hoping this will help. I will let you know how it goes....

Natasha's Pick of the Week. MAUI!

Last year at this time we were just returning from a week of fun, sun, and sandy beaches. It was our second trip to the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii. And I miss it sooo much! It really is the perfect holiday location for just about everyone. Honeymooning couples, families with small children, families with teenagers and also big extended families too!

Here is a list of my favourite spots to stay, eat, play and just chill while on Maui.

Where to stay.

I love Wailea. It is on the south-west side of the island and is home to some of the best beaches, shopping and resort hotels on Maui. Both times we stayed in Wailea we rented our accommodations from private owners through www.VRBO.com. You can find some great deals if you shop around and I would also recommend getting some referrals or recommendations from people who have been before. Year one, my parents came with us and we stayed in a private home (complete with our own pool) and I would totally recommend it for a larger family. Last year we rented a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo at Wailea Ekolu Village and it was perfect for the four of us.

Where to eat.

Maui is full of fabulous restaurants, but there are definitely a few clear stand outs. Mama's Fish House is by far my favourite restaurant in THE WHOLE WORLD. No trip to Maui is complete unless you eat there at least once. Make a reservation though, it's a popular place! If you are in Wailea, another great family place to eat is Matteo's Pizzeria. The food is awesome, the atmosphere friendly and relaxed and it really feels like you are going to a friend's house to eat! Another repeat fave of ours is LuLu's in Kihei. It is an open air restaurant that is on the 2nd floor of Kihei Kalama Village Market. Hit the market for some shopping in the morning and then LuLu's for lunch. I recommend the fish tacos!!

Where to play.

There is so much to do on Maui and to be honest we still have a lot to discover ourselves. We love the Maui Ocean Centre and if you have kids of any age you really have to check it out. The 750,000 salt water aquarium is pretty amazing, especially when you see giant sting rays and tiger sharks swim right past you! I also recommend a whale watching tour with the Pacific Whale Foudation. These guys really know what they are doing and are very accommodating for families with little kids. If you are into hiking, then a trip to the Iao Valley State Park is in order. There are lots of different hikes and trails that you can do, depending on your ability and of course how many little ones you have with you! For shopping, I have four words for you...The Shops at Wailea. From casual to luxury, gift buying to art galleries and everything in between, you will find it at the Shops. Make sure you check out Lapperts Ice Cream and Coffee for some after dinner treats and sneak out before everyone else wakes up and get your morning fix at the Honolulu Coffee Co..

Where to chill.

The beaches on Maui are incredible. And we have a few favourites. Keawakapu Beach at the southern end of South Kihei Road is great, as are Ulua and Mokapu in Wailea. These two are right next to each other and if you have babies and get to either beach early you will be able to get a spot in a shaded area. There is also some great lava outcroppings between these two beaches and you can get in some nice snorkelling there too! We also spent a lot of time on Wailea Beach. It is centrally located and fronts the very swank Grand Wailea Resort. It can get busy, so get there early for prime spots on the beach.

Whatever you do on Maui, trust me you won't be disappointed with this vacation. You can even shop at the local Safeway and use your Canadian Safeway card to get the discounts! And big bonus--they sell wine at the Maui Safeways!!

Just remember that if you are traveling with babies and toddlers, make sure you check out my babywearing tips before you go (the WaterBaby Sling is a must for a trip to Maui!) and above all, relax, leave all your worries and all your schedules behind and have fun!

Aloha!

Natasha~

Happy Passover-Easter-Bunnytime Everyone!

I hope all of you have had a great long weekend however you celebrate this time of year. The weather was great, the kids were excited and we are exhausted!

We have one more day 'off' tomorrow and we are looking forward to spending most of it outside!

Love & Peace,

Natasha~

Have Baby, Will Travel

I just got a tweet from the lovely @JenBanksYEG who is on her way back from a weekend of debauchery relaxation and fun in Las Vegas. She told me that one of the things that she noticed while in Sin City was all the improper babywearing. My first thought was, really people? I am pretty sure Vegas switched from the whole 'family friendly' vacation thing a few years back. And then my next thought was, OK, if you are going to be taking your baby with you to Vegas, or anywhere else on vacation than the least I could do is offer some babywearing tips for how to do this more effectively.

Tip #1

Take your baby carrier with you and skip the big ass stroller. This may seem like a no brainer, but really, DO this! Think about how many of your friends have gone on holidays with their very expensive Bugaboos and Quinny's and the like, only to have them totally wrecked during transportation. Not to mention the hassle of getting the stroller through airport security and then to a holiday location that may not be extremely stroller friendly.

(If you really do need a stroller or any other bulky baby items, check into a baby gear rental company for where you are going. They can save you the hassle of transporting bulky items and is usually not too expensive. Maui has a fabulous company called Akamai Mother that we have used in the past and highly recommend!)

Tip #2

Bring a GOOD baby carrier with you. You know how I feel about crappy carriers. No crotch-danglers please!

Tip #3

Think about where you are going and what you will be doing. A trip to a tropical location with lots of beach and pool time? Take a water sling or wrap. Going to the mountains to do some hiking or anywhere where there will be lots of walking around? A soft-structured or buckle carrier may be what you need. Florida or Anaheim to hit up the Disney's? A lightweight gauze wrap or ring sling will keep you and baby from overheating.

Tip #4

If in doubt about what you will be doing and the different places you will be visiting while on holidays, take more than one carrier with you. I have been known to pack at least three carriers on all of our vacations and invariably end up using all of them at least once.

Tip#5

Practice with any new baby carriers BEFORE you get to you holiday destination (and get help/education if you need it). The last thing you want is to buy a fabulous new carrier and get to the airport, have a 3 hour flight delay and a cranky baby and then realize that you don't really know how to use your baby carrier properly!!

Incorporating babywearing while on holidays really is the best way to travel with babies and toddlers. You will most likely be getting away from your very carefully constructed routines from home and being able to wear your babies and toddlers can really help them with the changes that happen while away.  As long as there is a nice comfy and familiar tummy or back to snuggle into at times, they are likely to enjoy their vacation a whole lot more and trust me, so will you!

Happy Travels Everyone!

Natasha~

Dear 4 year old Son....

The following is not a word. Yesbut.

Even though you use it multiple times a day, it is still NOT a word.

When I tell you to stop hitting your sister and you say "Yesbut, she is wearing purple pants today." Still not a word and what on earth does that have to do with anything??

When I ask you to go get ready for bed and you say "Yesbut, I need to watch Dinosaur Train first." Still not a word and NO you don't NEED to watch TV now!

When I am trying to be patient and not lose my mommy cool, because it is time to go and I have asked you to put on your shoes for the fourth time and you say "Yesbut, Mommy, I just want to finish this {45 piece} puzzle!!" DEFINITELY NOT A WORD!

I love you very, very much my son and I know that your 4-year-old mind is working overtime right now and you are trying very hard to figure out your identity and your independence.

I know that you are in a kind of no-mans land right now where you are not a baby anymore and not quite a big kid yet and that this can be somewhat overwhelming and frustrating at times.

Don't worry kiddo, I will be with you through it all. When you need me I will be here and when you need your independence, I will back away, choke back my own tears and fears and see the boy that you are becoming and beam with pride.

I know you need choices and to be in control of parts of your life, and I promise to keep that in mind when we have to make decisions and get on with our days. Some things are definitely negotiable my son and some things are just not.

No matter how many YESBUTS your throw at me!!

Love you forever,

You Mother~

Not a great start to the weekend....

This is a picture of my pillow. I have wanted to be asleep on it since 9:00 AM this morning when I suddenly got hit with a crazy wave of dizziness, nausea and extreme fatigue.

The kids are in bed, the dishes done and now I am about to go to bed too. I really hope I just need some sleep and I am not coming down with the feverish flu illness that I hear is making the rounds.

I apologize for the lame post tonight, but I think my body is trying to tell me something and I had better listen!

Goodnight all, Natasha~

Spring Fever

It is definitely spring in my neck of the woods this week. And to further prove that point, it seems that my mind and my body have gone into full-fledged Spring Fever mode. The result... ....I want another baby!

I think.

I mean I am pretty sure I do. Natural Urban Dad is not so sure. We are not quite on the same page just yet in this regard, either way. I keep telling him that three is the new two and he keeps telling me that he needs us to just settle into our life and not add more stressors to it.

I see his point and I know what he means. For us having babies is not always an easy ride. I have to be off my RA meds, a certain, ahem, device needs to be removed, and then well there is the whole getting pregnant part (fun) and then the pregnancy part (can be fun, but is often not for me).

Add to the equation the fact that I am a soon to be 40 year old woman and the risks that that entails with pregnancy and really it does look like the cards are stacked against me.

Yet still, my heart, my mind and my body yearn for another baby.

Maybe I am just ovulating and have a huge hormone surge happening right now. Or maybe all the oxytocin that has floated around in my system for the last four years of breastfeeding has effectively erased my memories of how tough this job really is.

And maybe, just maybe I am seeing my babies grow up and need me less and less (L refused to let me help her down the stairs today) and that realization, although wonderful for them and their developing little minds, is a bittersweet one for me.

A little delirious with {spring} fever, Natasha~

30 Days of Truth. Day 14 - A hero that has let me down.

Oh. My. God. Do you know what is kind of sad?

I can not for the life of me think of who the heroes are in my life.

(thinking.....

.

.

.

thinking.....

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.

.

thinking)

Okay, NOT true. I DO have heroes.

My mom. She raised four kids on her own and not one of us is in jail or on a reality TV show. HERO!

My grandmother. She was ostracized by her family for being an unwed mother at the age of 45. Immigrated across an ocean to a new country and made a life for her and her daughter. HERO!

My sister. My much younger sister and in so many ways, so much wiser than me. HERO!

My husband. My rock, my love and my hero because he is my kids' hero, each and every day! BIG HERO!

And yes, perhaps at one time or another they have all let me down. But not in a big unforgivable, you are no longer my hero kind of way.

If I had to pick a hero, someone who has let me down (and I really hope I don't get struck down for this) I have to say that it is...

.

.

.

.

God.

Now, now, don't get your panties in a knot, I am not about to get all preachy and stuff. Just keep reading.....

I grew up in a very Catholic household. When my mom was a kid, she and my grandmother used to go to mass daily and at one point early on in her life my mom contemplated a life in a convent (and then she kind of got knocked up with me, so...that didn't quite pan out)!

From a very early age, the Catholic church was a big part of our lives. Our baptisms, first communions, confirmations, all BIG deals at our house. We said the Lord's prayer every night before bed and we all knew how to recite our Hail Mary's and the full rosary by the time we were six years old. My brothers and I were all altar servers and proud of it.

I think growing up without a father made me appreciate God and the Church even more. Every Sunday, I would go to mass and know that I was loved by God, that He would never leave us and that I could always count on Him for a good 'chat'. And He never judged me. I was taught that at a very early age. God sees all and forgives all as long as you ask him for it.

And then one year something changed. And although I know it really was not God's fault that this happened, I felt let down and hurt and unable to forgive.

I was 13 years old, it was right before Easter and we were going to church for the Sacrament of Confession (which by the way, they now call Reconciliation-sounds nicer I guess). Going to confession always made me nervous. It meant that I would have to sit down with a grown-up and admit (out load) all of my sins. What, you ask, are the sins of a 13-year-old girl? Well, they mostly had to do with not listening to or honoring my mom and grandmother, hitting my brothers and possibly some other stuff along those lines. None of the major sins committed here, just your run of the mill tween-girl-in-the-early-1980s stuff.

As I sat in the confessional and recited my sins to the priest, my heart pounding out of my chest, I just hoped and prayed that I would only have to recite three Our Fathers and maybe five Hail Marys, get my absolution and then go get some cookies and juice. Nope, not with this guy. Someone has obviously pissed in this particular priest's Holy Cheerios that morning, because instead of the loving absolution that I had come to expect from my confessional experiences, I got a harsh scolding. I was told that I was a bad girl, that God was disappointed in me and that if I wanted his love I would have to try a lot harder. I can't remember what my penance was that night, but I do remember crying a lot as we left the church.

And then I got mad. Mad enough that I refused to go to church for a while, and mad enough that I have NEVER, ever, not even once gone back to Confession/Reconciliation ever again!

I do know that God really had nothing to do with this particular experience and that it was the priest that ruined it for me, but I can't help it. These men are His representatives here on Earth. They are the ones who are supposed to spread His message and His love to us and this man took that away from me. He made me question GOD and consequently my whole belief system and in the end we (God and I) have never really been the same.

We do still talk and I know that He takes very good care of my brother and my grandmother, but I don't visit Him at His house very often. My trust in the Catholic Church was broken that day and I was seriously let down. Someone told me that God did not love me as much as I thought he did and to a kid already suffering with abandonment issues it was just too much.

I will not go to confession ever again, but I will forgive and God knows that and I am pretty sure that we are good. We have an understanding and I know now that regardless of what any priest ever says, that He is always and will always be there when I need Him.

Love and forgiveness,

Natasha~