Natasha's Pick of the Week. Duchess Bake Shop. (Need I say more?)

Today I had lunch in heaven. Or at least as close as I can get to heaven here in Edmonton!

I had lunch with our interior designer, the very talented Dawn Stiles, at the Duchess Bake Shop today.

Duchess is one of those places that you walk into and you feel like you are immediately transported to another era and quite possibly another place. In this case it is a little bakery on a side street in Paris, circa 1957.

In reality, Duchess Bake Shop is on 124 Street just north of 107 Avenue right here in our own lovely city. They make ALL of their fabulous pastries in-house every day from scratch and use only the freshest and finest ingredients!

I am pretty sure EVERYTHING there tastes divine, but I definitely know that their signature cake 'The Duchess' is fan-freakin-tastic. Today Dawn introduced me to the Salted Caramel Macaroon and it was like a sweet, decadent party, complete with streamers and lutes, was happening in my mouth! In other words, it was really, really GOOD. I only had one, but I am pretty sure I could have easily eaten a dozen of them (luckily they come in a nice box all packed up and ready to go in case that is exactly what you want to do)!

I also had one of their lovely croissant sandwiches today (the pastrami and pickle) and it was so simple, yet so yummy. Maybe it has something to do with the specially imported butter they use to make the croissants! Maybe it was because I was imagining I was eating it on a cobblestone street in Paris. Whatever the case, I will be back there again for another one. Soon!

You can eat in at Duchess or take your goodies to go and you can special order cakes and pastries for special occasions as well. I feel that a Mother's Day cake from Duchess might be in order, or some yummy grown up Easter treats if I can't wait that long!

So for something a little different, a nice date night dessert or an afternoon coffee with your girlfriends, check this place out. I promise you will not be disappointed! Expect maybe if you don't get a table, it really is a popular little boulangerie!

Enjoy!

Natasha~

P.S. And of course, you can follow them on Facebook and on Twitter too!

Friends.

I had the greatest weekend this past week. I went out with three separate and completely different groups of women on three different (and consecutive) nights! For the record, I am pretty sure that has NOT happened in at least 4.5 years, and so yeah, I am kind of bragging too! After my rare weekend of female bonding I got to thinking about women and our friendships with each other and what makes and what breaks these relationships.  How is it that we can be BFFs with someone one minute and the next, cut them out of our lives like they never existed? How can we all be in the same boat and yet, so often be willing to toss someone overboard at the slightest misunderstanding? Why do I feel like I really do want to have more close girlfriends, but at the same time I am guarded and cautious with new relationships?

One of my nights out this weekend was for a girlfriend's stagette. I was out with her and a group of women that I have not seen for at least two years. These were the friends that I made when I was a first time mommy and they very quickly became my 'tribe' back then. We all had similar parenting philosophies, our kids where all roughly the same age and we all 'needed' each other. We needed to know that what we were doing was the right thing. Geez, what new mom doesn't need that. We valued and validated each other! And if you did a rewind of my life to three years ago, not a day would go by that I did not talk to one if not all of these women and never a week would go by without at least one big play date for both mommies and babies.

And then something happened....

And to be honest, I can't even remember what it was. Someone said something to someone and it hurt someone else's feelings and then someone gossiped about it to another person and then well, it just got worse and worse. And then there where different camps and if you were on one side it became harder and harder to continue being friends with the other side. And it became next to impossible to hang out with both Person A AND Person B and remain Switzerland.

So my Tribe dissipated, and with it all the support and friendship that I had relied on for over two years. I have managed to hold on to only one of those relationships and the rest I still see occasionally and talk to, but it really is not the same anymore. And even though we all came together and had a fabulous time celebrating our lovely bride-to-be friend last week, there was still an ever-present undercurrent of tension.

Any of this sound familiar to anyone?  I feel like I could be talking about any number of female friendship 'break ups'.

Why are women so judge-y? Come on, don't deny it, we ALL judge. We judge each other, ourselves, our 'friends', our friends kids and just about everything else around us. It's the truth. And yes, it is ugly.

Kelly Valen, the author of "The Twisted Sisterhood", said this in an interview, which I think kind of sums it all up.

I think the outward comparisons, judgments, status and one-upmanship games are manifestations of our insecurities -- about whether we fit in and are good enough, or, in fact, better. Many women (and men, too, let's face it) get that little buzz when they know they compare more favorably -- whether it's intellect, beauty, wealth, Martha Stewart-like accomplishment on the home front, whatever.

It's human nature, but can be uniquely intense and painful with other females. If we felt more secure in ourselves and accepted the body and mind we were dealt with at birth rather than looking outside ourselves for valuation all the time, we wouldn't get so caught up in those frantic games.

My other two nights out last weekend were with two groups of women that I have just recently met and started to spend more time with. It is always terrifying for me to go and do new things and meet new people, but I am always amazed by these experiences. I met and got to know some fabulous, strong and beautiful women on both occasions, and I can't help but want to hang out with them again. I really hoped they liked me too (there go those darn insecurities of mine needing validation)!

I really have no answers here, and to be honest, I have had a hard time actually gathering my thoughts on all of this and what it all means. I did however read something else today that kind of stuck with me. It was about how DEEP our friendships are and the different levels that exist and how our friends are categorized. It may sound a bit callous, but I can see how I have lots of Level Four friends, a bunch of Level Three friends, a handful of Level Two friends, and one or two Level One friends.

And maybe this is not a bad thing....

....as long as I remember not to judge any of them, or myself, too harshly.

Natasha~

This old house is on the move.

Well, it is Spring 2011 (sort of) and that means that if all is on track than we should be starting construction of our new house. We started this little family project last summer when we bought a new property not even 5 minutes from our current house. We have had five months of design work done and are almost set to 'break ground' and really get going. We are just waiting on a few more details from our architect and of course all the permits from the City.

There is some activity going on though. The house itself has been purchased by a nice family and it will be making the trip down to Calgary in the next week or so. Yes, believe it or not, it is possible to lift and move a two-storey house.

See...

My son is loving this whole process and can't wait to see the house moved onto the truck. Although I am not sure if we will be able to accommodate that. The house moving guys tell me that the actual moving itself happens late at night to avoid major traffic.

We are all pretty excited about getting this house build going and this was step one of the process!

Now, I am off to get the kids and I some hard hats later this week!

Safety first!

Natasha~

Gentle Discipline - AKA 'Damage Control'.

I have a toddler and a pre-schooler. Discipline is a daily, if not hourly, part of my life. So when I heard that the Attachment Parenting Edmonton Society was bringing renowned Canadian speaker and author, Judy Arnall, to Edmonton to speak about gentle discipline, I bought a ticket to the event immediately.

Because I need help.

I don't spank my kids, but I have smacked hands and I have tried time outs, reward systems, 123 Magic and my biggest tool-my voice. Yes, I am a yeller. And now, both my kids are turning into yellers.

It typically goes down something like this. Mommy lets herself get to the point of anger and then yells at preschooler to do/not do something, preschooler sees this and then yells at toddler to do/not do something, toddler yells back at preschooler because she is frustrated and them Mommy yells at everyone to just STOP YELLING!!

You see the problem here right? VERY bad modeling of the desired behaviour. And trust me I see it too, I see it as it is happening and I don't know how to stop it!

At least I did not know until tonight.

Judy does an amazing job of breaking down kids into age groups and the reasons for why they behave the way they do and then gives some very simple and basic tools and rules for how to deal with said behaviour.

I have ordered her book (and a few others that she recommended) and until it gets here, here are a few of the take home points that I got from tonight's presentation.

• Discipline means self-control and THAT is what we need to be teaching our kids.

• You can't solve the problem, whatever it may be, until everyone is calm! Most of all YOU.

• Children often need a parent to help them calm down, this is called a 'time-in'. (So, all the time I have been sending C to his room until he calms down--not really the best idea!)

• When you learn to handle your anger, your children will see this and learn to handle theirs. **This was a big A-Ha moment for me!

• Don't punish a toddler for having a tantrum, they are thinking it through and working it out the only way they know how.

• From age 0-3 our job as parents in basically Damage Control. As in control the environment and control the situation, but never the kid. At this age they do not 'get' the rules or have any sense of self control.

And her lists of tools to use for each stage of the game:

• For Babies 0-12 months - Use substitution, distraction, redirection and and prevention to handle discipline.

• For Toddlers - Plan ahead, give attention, use positive commands, allow child his/her space, model the behaviour and in the end learn to accept it-it really is just a phase.

• For Pre-schoolers - Use 'time-ins' and stay with your NO. Gives choices, make it a game, pick your battles and try to connect with your child first and then redirect them.

• For School Age Children (where Judy says most of our parenting work really gets done) - Use 'I' statements, as in "I feel frustrated/sad/upset when you.....", model the desired behaviour, use active listening and acknowledge their feelings, clarify expectations and know when to walk away from a power struggle.

The biggest take home message for me tonight was that it all has to come from me. I am the one who needs to be calm in order to discipline my children effectively. Judy's last slide of the night said that the best discipline tool ever has good modeling and comes from a place of love. That any teaching we do sinks in only after everyone is calm and that this gentle way conveys unconditional love and sets us up to have honest, open and respectful relationships with our kids for a long time.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to go at this with a totally new mindset. I am going to try to be zen mama, I will find my calm before I attempt any kind of discipline (so this may mean some 'time-outs' for me) and hopefully we will start to see some changes around here, in terms of the yelling at least!

I'll keep you updated and let you know what is and what is not working for us!

Stay calm Mamas (and Dads), even in the stormiest of times.

Natasha~

Been there, done that, got chlamydia!

Is what I wanted to run around telling a whole heck of a lot of young women last night! I was at a club you see, and well....here's what happened.

I have been a regular little social butterfly this week (In Real Life, no less, not just on Twitter)! Last night was my second night out and it was for my girlfriend's stagette.  She wanted to go dancing, so we started our night at another friend's house and then headed to a local "retro" dance club for more partying and to get our groove on!

My usual drink of choice these days is a lovely glass or two of a nice Malbec. Wine was definitely not an option at this particular establishment, so I opted for the next best thing, gin and tonic. Throw in a few rounds of fruity shots for all of us and I for one, was well on my way to tipsy-ville in no time.

As I sat there drinking my second gin and tonic, I started looking around at the female clientele at our chosen destination and that is when I really started feeling, A) my age and B) my mother-yness (is that a word??).

What really hit me as I watched these young women in their uniform du jour, the high-waisted, very short, short skirt and 4 inch heels, was that 20 years ago, had my life been a little bit different (or my birth control luck been a bit worse), any one of these girls could have been my daughter. And as I witnessed them getting more and more drunk, and throwing themselves all over the guys at the club, all I kept wanting to do was run up to each and every one of them and say, "STOP. You are worth so much more than this!" and also, "Seriously chickie, that skirt?? You are leaving NOTHING to the imagination."  I was struck with this overwhelming urge to want to either slap them all up side the head and tell them to smarten-up and also to take them aside and share some of my hard-learned life lessons.

And then I remembered 19 year-old me, and realized that in no way would I have ever listened to an almost 40 year-old woman, no matter how hip and cool and smokin' hot she looked ;), tell me how to live my life! Oh well, girls, at least you live in an era of the Plan B pill and really good antibiotics!

So instead of going around preaching self-love and self-respect to all, I consumed even more gin and tonic and fruity shots of liquor.

And then I started noticing the men at this club. Or more appropriately.....the complete lack there-of.

They too has their uniforms. Invariably it was jeans and a t-shirt and either some version of the Beiber, a faux-hawk or a lop-sided toque on their heads. And they too seem to have some issues with respect. Not necessarily the self kind, more like the kind a REAL man should have for a woman.

A few lovely examples for you...

• I saw a complete poser in a cowboy hat walk right up to a cocktail waitress and grab her skirt and yank it up over her ass!
• Our group of 6 got kicked out of our seats for three 20-something guys who had a 'reservation' and had what I now know is called Table Service. A minimum of $500.00 and your own personal serving wench. Too much money and not enough brains if you ask me!
• And to top off the night, as I was giving the bride-to-be a hug goodnight and was about to get into my cab, two guys jumped into it from the other side! And left me, a lone woman to go find another one. WTF??? Is there NO chivalry or even common decency at all in this Generation Z?

Thus ended my night out clubbing. I realize that I am making some big generalizations about these kids and yes, I was somewhat intoxicated myself, but let me tell you, as I stumbled into my house at 2:00 AM and I peeked into everyone's rooms and saw my little family's beautiful sleeping faces, I was never so thankful for my life....

.

.

.

.

.

And then they had the nerve to wake me up at 6:00 AM! Argh!!

Slightly hung over,

Natasha~

P.S. I'm probably joking about the whole Chlamydia thing.

30 Days of Truth: Day 13-A band or artist that has gotten me through some tough days.

I like to put my own spin on these 30 days of truth posts and today's is no different. I don't think I can say that I have only ONE band or artist that has gotten me through tough times. So instead, I thought I would give you a list of some of the MUSIC that has been instrumental (total PUN intended!!) in shaping my life and my love of all genres of artistic expression!

First you need to understand that I have no musical talent whatsoever. My husband (Mr. Perfect Pitch, Royal Conservatory of Music graduate, concert pianist guy) tells me that I am tone-deaf. He is probably right. The only instruments I ever played were a recorder, an organ and a clarinet, and not one of them did I play particularly well!

I tell you this so that you know that I have DEEP, deep respect and admiration for anyone who can play an instrument, sing in tune and otherwise musically entertain me!

So here is my list of 'musical memories' as it where:

1. As far back as I can remember, the 1965 timeless classic The Sound of Music has been in my life. It was a special treat for us as kids to stay up late and watch it every Christmas and I don't think I have missed watching it at least once a year since I was 2 years old. I know EVERY SINGLE WORD to every song in that movie and the first song both of my children heard sung from me was "Edelweiss". I am transported to a happy place every time I watch this movie or listen to the soundtrack (that is a much played staple in our iTunes library) and am reminded of my childhood and also of how much I wanted to be Maria when I grew up!!

2. U2. Need I say more?  Okay, I will. My best friend in Grade 7  introduced me to these four boys from Ireland and I instantly fell in love! Particularly with Larry Mullen Jr. Joshua Tree was one of the first LPs that I owned, but I think "I will Follow" from Boy and "Sunday Bloody Sunday" from War are still up there in my list of all time faves from the band. Their music has been in either a cassette deck, CD player or iPod for more than half of my life and I have much respect for these men both as artists and people. I saw them in concert in June of 1997 for the PopMart Tour and while everyone else at Commonwealth Stadium was on their feet and screaming when they started their first set, I was glued to my chair with my mouth wide open and tears streaming down my face.

3. Ramsey's Soul Revival. WHO? Double Points go to anyone who leaves me a comment telling me you saw these guys in concert! RSR was a freaking fantastic local Edmonton band in the '90s. They had a funk/soul/dance genre going on that spoke to me and I fully admit that I was a full-on RSR groupie! I never missed a gig, I (ahem) 'dated' the lead guitarist (and possibly one other member as well) and it was great!! If there is ONE band that got me through a tough time, it was probably these guys. The day my brother died, they had a gig in Edmonton and I needed to get out of my house. I could not be around all the shock and sorrow and could not deal with my own grief just yet. I went to the gig and just danced....I danced all night, non-stop. Their music took me somewhere I needed to go and afterwards I went home and slept in my brother's bed and cried for 2 days straight.

4. Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Not sure why, but this is my favourite piece of classical music. Always has been. In University I would study while listening to it over and over on my stereo and then during exams I would simply recall the music and answer the questions much easier! I know, some 1st year Psych student can tell you why this is so, but whatever, Vivaldi made me a smarter person. End of story.

5. In the late 1990's I had my 'angry-girl-music' phase. I was really into Tori Amos, Garbage, Hole, Alanis Morrissette and the like. I was single, I went to lilith fair and I 'may' have thought I was a lesbian for a minute or two. And then I met my future husband.

6. THIS is our song. Please have a listen. And yes, we are this cheesy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CYI5bKZMes]

I also love this clip because, a) Billy Idol was the first concert I ever attended and, b) I love Drew Barrymore and want her to play me in the movie of ME.

7. I now realize that I could go on and on and this list is already getting rather long.....

I do however have one ALL TIME favourite song. It is a song that can have many interpretations, which may be why I love it. It can uplift me, it can calm me, it can make me cry and it just gets me every time....very deep, deep down in the pit of my gut.

Here it is for you to enjoy. Thank you Leonard and thank you Jeff!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4]

Sweet Dreams everyone,

Natasha~

P.S. I would love to know what some of your musical memories are!

I have jumble mind tonight!

I wrote and rewrote a post three times tonight and decided to scrap it and come at it again tomorrow.

Instead, I leave you with a few photos from one of our walks this week!

The puddles are dwindling, as is all the snow and the kids and I can't wait to be able to play in the back yard....

...soon, I tell them, very soon!

Until then, this one is loving having her afternoon nap on mommy's back!

Goodnight everyone,

Natasha~

Natasha's Pick of the Week: My favourite Blogs/Bloggers

I am just over a week and a half into my 30 days of posts. It is proving to be both very fun and also quite a challenge.  It takes some serious thought and organization to get all this brilliant writing out to you people! (This is me saying, please subscribe and leave comments so I know all of this is not in vain!!) Seeing as it is Monday, that means you get my pick of the week today.

Today's picks are fellow fabulous bloggers that I have discovered over the past few months and weeks. There are literally thousands and thousands of blogs out here in the world-wide web, but I thought I would narrow it down for you and let you know about a few that I really enjoy reading. Some really make me think, others make me laugh until I cry, others just plain make me cry and still others educate me on a daily basis.

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Attack of the Redneck Mommy. Tanis is AWESOME! And has lived, lost and loved a whole heck of a lot in her years. Her blog is funny, heart-wrenching and so, so REAL. And she is kind of a hero of mine. She also just colored her hair, so go on over to her blog and tell her she is gorgeous!!

2. Tech Mommy. Local gal Jennifer Banks (@JenBanksYEG on the tweeter) writes her own fab tech blog and also writes for MomNation. Her posts always have me heading to iTunes to get the latest and greatest new apps to make my life easier and she writes with some serious passion and honesty people!

3. Enjoying the Small Things.  I can't remember when I first stumbled upon Kelly's blog, but she had me hooked from the first picture! She is a brilliant photographer and a very amazing mother. Read this first once you head over there and you will understand why.

4. The Leaky Boob. You all know I am a breastfeeding Mama and a big advocate for more breastfeeding education and resources for all mothers, so this one should not come as a big surprise. Sometimes controversial, always thought-provoking and taking on the Zuckerberg's of the world and having her Facebook page removed and reinstated not once, but twice, Jessica, AKA the boob behind TLB, is an inspiration, a mama-force to be reckoned with and someone I am so, so happy to have 'in my corner'.

5. MOMeo Magazine. Are you a work-at/from-home-mom? Do you struggle to figure it all out some days? If you answered yes to these questions, then you need to follow MOMeo, both via the website and @CarlaYoung on Twitter for all the latest tips, tricks, and business advice that really makes sense for the WAHM/Mompreneur/Small Biz Woman!

6. Five Things at Once. I just started following this Daddy Blogger a few weeks ago and already I really, really like him. Reasons for this are: He is a stay-at-home-dad, he has the cutest kid ever, his blog has a Glossary tab that is bloody hilarious and he is one damn good writer!

There are plenty of other fabulous blogs that I read (or try to read and keep up with-my Google Reader list is a bit ridiculous right now)! I encourage you to reach out and find a few that truly speak to you and subscribe to them. (One of them is mine, right?)

Now, go....get reading!

Natasha~