#40SilverLinings: Happy Easter!

I did not post one every day, but having the thought of my #40silverlinings posts in my head, made me focus more on the good things going on in my life. It was a good exercise in positive thinking, in seeing the happy moments in days that can sometimes seem overwhelming. So here you have my last list to wrap up all 40 of my silver linings for Lent.

31. A hot bath after a long day, a real book (I don't do e-readers) and a husband who brings me a glass of wine after I am all settled in the tub!

32. The "Oh My Darling" twisted London fog tea latte from my neighbourhood cafe. Darjeeling tea, almond milk and coconut flavouring. It just makes everything better, I swear.

33. Date night. The best bowl of Pho in the city followed by chilling at what my husband is calling his new favourite cafe. {So much so, that he wants to use it as the blueprint for our basement development!}

34. Sprinter. It's what I am calling this ridiculous Spring/Winter season in Edmonton. It means rubber boots and mitts and sometimes a toque and sometimes just a fleece vest and FINALLY being able to have some outdoor play time!

35. Picking up my puppy after day surgery at the vet. She hasn't wanted that much cuddling in a long time and I didn't realize how much I missed it too.

36. That moment when every piece of laundry is clean, folded and put away. I am dead serious, this is total happy dance time around here!

37. Napping with my baby nephew. {Even though he cried for 20 minutes before actually falling asleep.}

38. Women all over the world (and very close to me) standing up for themselves, breaking the cycles in their  lives and knowing that they are worthy of happiness. XO.

39. The Toca Tailor stylings and designs of my four year old daughter!

40. A long weekend surrounded by the family that I love. A movie date with the little cousins, girls night out with my sisters {in-law} and making a special Easter dinner for my mom, my sister and her family.

I am truly blessed in this life. Maybe that is the true lesson of Lent. Perhaps it is not so much about sacrifice and giving something up ,as it is looking closely and really appreciating all that we have. All the little things we likely take for granted in our day to day lives can add up to a whole lot of silver linings and happy moments. It is up to us to choose to see them, to live in those moments, to take a deep breath and thank whomever or whatever you believe in for that special moment in time.

And then it is up to us to take that attitude of grace and gratitude and spread it around...

...it's the best kind of infection you can pass on to anyone.

Love and light to you all,

natasha~

430,000.00 Silver Linings

I am exhausted. A really good exhausted.

Today I spent the whole day moving my butt, shaking my groove thang and busting some moves with over 400 other people at the 2nd annual Bust a Move for Breast Health.

I was part of the BamBassadors Social Media team with the lovely @JenBanksYeg, the superb @realturkeylady, our at-home-with-a-concussion tweeter, @AprilWiens and the ever a good sport, wearing his pink tutu with pride, @ChrisTse_ . We are Team Hello Titties and we all had a blast today tweeting, Vine-ing, Instagram-ing, and Facebook-ing all about this amazing event (and we managed to get the #bamyeg hashtag into the top trending topics for Edmonton too)!

Bust a Move for Breast Health is a six hour fitness extravaganza that will have you move more than your feet to raise valuable funds for the Cross Cancer Institute. One small step for events, on large step for all breastkind!

And raise funds everyone sure did this year!  Over $430,000.00 to be exact! THAT IS A LOT OF RESEARCH DOLLARS FOLKS! It really hit me today during the yoga session, just what we were all doing there. We unwrapped our yoga mats and while most of us had purple ones, the pink ones stood out. These were the cancer survivors, the ones who beat the odds. What really made me pause and appreciate all that was going on around me was the fact that every survivor that I could see around me was younger than me. Breast cancer does not discriminate based on age, race, religion or otherwise. It affects us all, either directly or indirectly and we can and need to make a difference and do what we can for all the pink mats out there.

I am grateful to have been a participant and volunteer at the event today and I can't wait for next years BAMtastic day of fun and fitness! And you know what, YOU too can join our team! We are going to be bigger, better and have even more fun (if that is at all possible, because my abs hurt just as much from the Bootcamp session as they do from laughing today)! Or make your own team! Do it for all the women battling breast cancer, do it for someone close to you, do it FOR YOURSELF!

Most of all do it because, I may be exhausted and sore and in need of a good gluteal massage, but I'll take this kind of pain ANY DAY over the pain and suffering that breast cancer causes to 1 in 9 women's bodies. And I will do whatever I can to help lower that number until it is ZERO!

Oh yeah, and we met Richard Simmons too! He REALLY liked Chris! A LOT!

This was one day so full of silver linings, that I lost count! Let's call this one #30.

I am so tired....

natasha~

Choosing a better hill

There is no shortage of divisive topics in our world these days. Gun control, abortion, gay rights, how you feed your baby, team Jacob vs. team Edward... just to name a few. But the one that seems to get no less than at least a half a dozen mentions a day on my twitter feed alone, and that is nothing when you look at the plethora of dedicated Facebook, reddit and tumblr sites, is none other than the Great Leggings Debate!  Now for the record, and in the interest of full disclosure, I have been firmly entrenched in the "leggings are NOT pants" camp for quite some time. I did not wear leggings for anything other than the gym or yoga, I held off for a long time on buying any kind of jean that resembled a legging or hugged too tight (or was officially called a "jegging") and even though I sometimes peruse sites like Blackmilk to see the latest in printed styles, I have always resisted the urge to buy. I have gotten into heated discussions with friends about the legging. I have been accused of policing others choices because of my stance on leggings. And yes, I have even sent my 4-year old daughter back to her room to add a skirt or a longer top or dress to her outfit because of my strict leggings rules.

In my world, leggings ARE NOT PANTS.

A week ago I read a post from Amanda Hess over at Slate's XX Factor and by golly, I think this woman is on to something.  For one thing, she fully agrees with me that leggings are not pants.

Pants are great if you’re a woman with the perfectly-calibrated corporate-sanctioned ratio of waist to ass to leg. What are you, a ringer for the jeans industry? It’s time to stop squeezing our lower bodies into constrictive denim prisons and instead envelope them in a forgiving cotton-spandex jersey. Never again will we be forced to choose between visible ass-crack and bulging muffin top.

She goes on to list some very compelling reasons why leggings are in fact far superior to pants. They are sturdy, footless (think toe seams on tights), don't bind us with control tops and are as she puts it "the sartorial equivalent of a warm bath."  There was nothing in her post that I could argue with and much that I laughed out loud to.

Last Sunday as my daughter and I spent the day at the mall, I stopped into one of my favourite new stores, LOLE. It is an active wear clothing store that is bright and beautiful and it makes me happy every time I walk through it. They happened to be having a 30% off sale and without hesitation I grabbed these leggings, headed to the till and bought them on the spot. I didn't even try them on. I just knew. I knew they were the ones.

I went home and put them on immediately. And I fell in love, or as Amanda so aptly puts it, into a warm leg bath. She was so right! Leggings really are superior to pants. Pants do nothing but make you focus on your bodies short comings. If they are not too tight in one area, they are too low in another. How often do you hear of a woman's incessant search for the perfect pair of jeans! I know I have yet to find them. But these leggings, with their lycra goodness, are sheer perfection!

My rules do still apply to them. I will not wear them without covering up my bum (and front) and the preferable footwear choice is still a boot. These are my rules folks, if you choose to adopt them as your own, be my guest. If not, I am not going to judge. Your body, your clothing choices, your life. If this is how you feel comfortable, who am I to be the one to tell you otherwise. Perhaps it is my age (or the wisdom of my years), but I appreciate comfort a lot more these days. I also have a thing for knee high socks and boots right now and the legging really works with this look.

So YES! I am throwing up the proverbial white flag, surrendering myself to the spandex-y goodness and donning my leggings with comfort and yes, some pride too!

And to be perfectly honest, fighting about what someone chooses to put on their legs is not the hill I want to die on.

What actions do you choose when confronted with those who don't see things as you do? Do you fight? Do you argue? Do you negotiate? Do you surrender? Let me tell you something right now. If you live more than a few days you will find conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. You don’t have to fight about everything. Even the Marines have a saying, "Choose the hill you want to die on." If you must fight about something, if there must be that thing that will make you raise your voice, grind your teeth and pound your fist on a desk, let it be something that has to do with respect, dignity and integrity; or someone's attempt to deny another of one or all three of those things.

 ~ Demitri C. Kornegay

My legs, my leggings, my pride socks!!

Peace out!

natasha~

#40silverlinings: Catching up on a weeks worth!

OK, fine, almost two weeks.

#22. A massage. A beautiful hour and a half all to me, about me and for me! And I booked another one too!!

#23. My slow cooker. Coming home to a meal that is cooked and ready to eat is the BEST THING EVER. Now if only I could get more organized and on this for more days in the week.

#24. 2.5 pounds. That is how much weight I have lost in the last couple of weeks. It's not a lot, but slow and steady is going to win this race.

#25. SCHMUTZIE!! And Palinode too! A night out in real life with two of my favourite internet folks. They is good people yo!

#26. My new front teeth. I am the only one who really notices them, but I feel damn sexy with these new chompers! {And the ability to eat apples again!}

#27. Jen Banks and her obsessive need to see more seasons of Sons of Anarchy. And Netflix. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

#28. My kid doing a Foghorn Leghorn impression mid conversation with himself that almost made me fall off the bed laughing. Teletoon Retro for the win!

#29. And this. An artistic breakthrough for my little dinosaur aficionado. I am one proud mama! In case you are wondering... THIS is a Spinosaurus, biggest mofo of the Cretaceous period!

Here's to tomorrows silver lining, whatever it may be!

natasha~

Sharing

In an effort to become a more organized and cohesive family unit, my husband and I have started sharing our iCalendars. We now know exactly where we are at all times, what activities the kids have, when any and all appointments are, and, as of last night, when my menstrual cycle starts. Yes. You read that right. My menstrual cycle is now in my husbands calendar and "in the Cloud".

The past few weeks have been particularly tough for me and I honestly couldn't figure out why. I have been extremely moody, irritable and VERY emotionally volatile. I mean, I almost burst into tears at soccer registration because C has to play on the Under-8 team and not the Under -6 team with all his school friends. That incident alone should have clued me in to what was going on.

But no, I just kept thinking I was staring at the beginning of my mid-life crisis and was slowly losing my mind. My poor husband even told me last week that he was afraid to say anything to me for fear of my response or interpretation of his {innocent} words. My kids noticed too and one day my 4 year old said to me that she thought I needed a nap because I was so grumpy. :(

In the past 24 hours, I started putting two and two together thanks to the like-clockwork arrival of dear Aunt Flo.

Have you seen that new Poise commercial? The one with various women of my {ahem} age range, talking about "the change"? Here it is for those of you who haven't.

The women in the commercial talk about having a "second talk". About how your body is changing yet again and that we should really be having another open and honest chat about it. I for one, am all for this. I don't know if I am truly going through any kind of change at the moment, but I am probably at the beginning of it and SOMETHING is going on.

Hormone changes, body changes, hair growing in new places (just ask Tanis about that one!).  These things happen and no one really talks about it! It's not like our moms are sitting us down with a nice cup of tea and some mini muffins and saying to us, "Now dear, let me tell you why you are going to need a really big tub of lube these days."

And the PMS!! Oh dear GAWD! I have never been one to experience really bad PMS. I was on the pill for a good portion of my {ahem} teen and adult life and then I had babies. I refuse to go back on any kind of hormonal birth control after my IUD experience and so here I am. Forty-one years old and expereincing real PMS for the first time in my life. Or as I have just found out, what could very well be PERImenopause. 

You didn't know about that pre-phase of the change now did you?  SEE, we really do need to have that second talk!!

Perimenopause is the phase that happens 1-5 years BEFORE actual menopause. And it can wreak havoc on all kinds of hormones; your estrogen levels, stress hormones, insulin hormones... ALL of them!

This stage of life is difficult to diagnose because most symptoms of perimenopause match up with those of PMS, or even just a bad day: Anger, anxiety, backache, bloating, mood swings, fuzzy thinking, loss of sexual desire, and irritability are a few examples. Women who don’t know they’re going through perimenopause may experience these symptoms for years and years without even considering that dropping hormone levels may be to blame. In the meantime, they may simply feel like there’s “something wrong” with them or that they’re going crazy. They may attribute their extra stress and irritability to the increasing pressures of advancing in their career or raising growing children.

I read the above paragraph and a light bulb went off in my head. OMG!! This is me! (See last post, where I reiterate the  "what is wrong with me, I think I am going crazy" thoughts as stated above!)

So there you have it folks.

My name is Natasha and I am perimenopausal!

And in an effort to track this, keep an eye out for the mood swings, fuzzy thinking and irritability and to ensure the continued functioning of my family and my marriage, my husband now has this in his calendar for next month. He says he is good with it, because now he knows exactly when he is more likely to get some action! I love how he sees the silver lining in this (even if AF is arriving on Date Night and will be the awkward third wheel).

Feeling better, yet also, very old,

natasha~

#40silverlinings: Vet bills, zombies and Taylor swift

Some days the silver linings are harder to see. I haven't posted anything since last week. We have been busy. The kids had Thursday and Friday off because of teacher's convention and we had a lot going on.

I know the silver linings were there, I just had to look really hard for them through the fog of the migraine that I had for two days and a road trip on my own with two kids.

#17. A new vet who actually gave me some answers and proper treatment for my poor puppy's infected ears!

#18. My kids deciding to sing along to all songs on the radio these days and how cute C sounds when he is singing Maroon 5's 'Daylight' and the hilariousness of my 4 year old daughter belting out "We are never, ever, ever, getting back together!".

#19. Getting to know my step-mother (my late father's wife) better and seeing my kids embrace her as their 'new' Grandma.

#20. Realizing that I do not have to keep every single piece of paper my kids bring home from school and subsequently clearing out two bins of crafts and two binders full of said papers.

#21. Sunday night and zombies and Rick and the gang.

It's a new week and the sun is shining.

That is a good start.

Won't you join me in this quest for #40silverlinings and share with me your daily moments that shine?

Also, this is what happens after two hours on the road and less than five hours of sleep the night before. I'm warn you, it's not pretty!

[youtube]http://youtu.be/5uQ_inuD9FI[/youtube]

Till tomorrow,

Natasha~

Silver Linings List

I am a couple of days behind for my #40silverlinings posts and so tonight, I give you a small list of things that have made my week have that slight little glow around the edges.

#11. A return to regular date night for B and I. AND, I actually ate some incredible bacon-wrapped chorizo-stuffed dates that night as well, so...  it was a double date night! (Seriously though, check out Canteen when you can, you won't be disappointed.)

#12. My incredibly cheesy pun-iness! (See above. Yes, I am a dork.)

#13. A friend who is there for me whenever I need her, even when she is about to lose her own shit! (Love you L!!)

#14. NAPS. I swear on days when we ALL nap, everything gets outlined in silver and rainbows and covered in unicorn farts!

#15. This picture.

You're welcome.

(I might have a slight obsession with Sons of Anarchy right now, and Charlie Hunman is MY TV boyfriend! Get your own!)

Have a great weekend everyone,

Natasha~

(I do not know the origin of this photo, sorry lucky, lucky photographer who got to do this shoot!)

 

gap

When I was 12 going on 13, I was kind of a messed up kid. I was dealing with my father remarrying and in my mind abandoning us for a whole new family, I was still hiding the fact that a neighbour had molested me and I was facing the terrifying prospect of starting Grade 9 at a brand new school. And I had a gap between my two front teeth.

While that list up top should have been tops on the priority list of un-messing me, it was my teeth that became the focus of my insecurities. I BEGGED my mother to take me to our dentist to have caps put on to get rid of the offending gap. For some reason that I still don't understand, she agreed to this, and before I started school that year my gap was gone.

As it turns out, no amount of dental work takes the target off your back once you are get in the cross hairs of the 'wrong' crowd. I won't bore you with the details of teenage cruelty, but let's just say that high school was not a great time in my life. I rejoiced at the end of each year of it, because that meant one less class of the mean girls and jackasses picking on me.

Fast forward to sometime in late 1998 and having grown up and lived and come to love myself a bit more, I decided it was time to let my gapped tooth smile shine for all the world to see. I was gonna rock that thing Lauren Bacall and Madonna style!

I went to my then dentist and told him what I wanted. What seemed to me to be an easy fix (take of the caps), was in fact, not possible. After too many years bonded to the front of my teeth, the old caps had to be drilled off and the only option I had then was to have full crowns put in place.

I remember being quite disappointed about this. I really wanted to own that gap of mine and be proud of it. To reclaim a teeny tiny part of me that I had lost so many years ago. This wasn't just about my teeth, it was about being proud of myself and celebrating my fight back to the land of self-esteem. Alas, this was not meant to be and crowns were made and new front teeth I got.

Those chompers have served me well up until now and it seems I have a new "gap" to deal with. My advancing age, an annoying case of receding gums and a new dentist who swears she can make my smile even better, all added up to me sitting in her office for three hours this morning, shedding the old crowns and prepping for my new, NEW front teeth.

So why exactly am I telling you all about my dental history?

I am not sure really.

Maybe it's because sitting in that reclined dentist chair, watching The Marilyn Denis Show on the TV in the ceiling, brought back memories of the reasons I wanted to get rid of that gap in the first place. Maybe it is because in those days, I was so worried about being made fun of, that my only thought was to get rid of any imperfection that I thought would give the mean kids more ammo against me.

And maybe because I was thinking about this so much today, that this video and the penetrating voice of the incredible Shane Koyczan hit me square in the teeth!!

Please watch it, and share it and remember it.

As I remember that gap-toothed tween from so long ago and give her a big huge hug and tell her she is BEAUTIFUL!

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/59956490[/vimeo]

Thank you,

Natasha~

P.S. This whole getting new, new front teeth is my silver lining for today (#10) ... I have been waiting for a few years to do this and now was the time.