date night
You know what is important when you are married with kids? Date night.
Especially after a day with 4 kids under 6. One of these my 4-month old baby nephew, who HAS to be worn at all times. (I think I MAY have forgotten how this is all baby plus other kids stuff is done and I can now honestly say that I do not *in any way* want any more kids!)
Anywho...
Lately, what Natural Urban Dad and I have found, is that date night with another couple is a great way to have even more fun!
You can commiserate with each other, share inappropriate stories that only other parents will understand, and it never drags on and on because everyone needs to get home to pay the babysitter.
So make a list of your couple/parent friends and start double dating again!
And then come home after an amazing meal (and lots of sangria) at Tres Carnales and more wine for dessert and start taking ridiculous Photobooth pictures of yourself!
Trying to appear sultry and failing by managing to make it look like my finger needs to hold up my chin?
CLOSE-UP!
How I am likely to feel in the morning!
Whatevs.....
It was all worth it!
Thanks to J and S, and of course, Natural Urban Dad for a great double date night!
Cheers,
Natasha~
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I know I still have one to catch up on, but here is tonight's (slightly inebriated) post!
Day 28 of the Summer Blog Challenge!
Go see what the sober bloggers have been up to today...
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
It's just a little spilled pickle juice
Silly title I know, but it is what it is and since I don't want to go to bed both mad and without writing something tonight... Here is a short list of things I am grateful for today.
1. My little girl and her two favourite friends having a tea party and two almost 6-year olds who needed the door closed so that they could play big boy imagination games.
2. Spinilates. It does a body good.
3. The lovely eye-candy that is the sweaty, shirtless men, working hard to give me a back yard. I know, so sexist of me, but WHATEVS...
4. Two-step oatmeal muffins that the kids can essentially make themselves and the ensuing house that smells like fresh baking.
5. Day Three of Natural Zen Mama. No yelling, no screaming, actively listening and stopping the busy-ness to just play.
6. Being photographed and photo-bombed by our children!
I need to get to bed before midnight. My mind and my body both need rest.
Goodnight all,
natasha~
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This is Day 21 of the Summer Blog Challenge!
10 Days left!
Go see what everyone else has been up to today.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Why 50 Shades is good for you.
I caved.
BIG TIME.
I had heard about it a few months ago, but didn't really buy into the hype.
I mean, it's not like I was a stranger to erotic fiction. I was reading The Story of O and Ann Rice's (writing as Ann Rampling) Sleeping Beauty Trilogy way before women all over North America started googling BDSM and realizing that a full bladder equals a bloody amazing orgasm!
So, YES. I have now read all three of the Shades of Grey books and I am not ashamed to say that I thoroughly devoured and enjoyed all of them.
Today I read a post on the Yummy Mummy Club site by Kat Armstrong, their new Celebritease writer in which she ponders this "mommy porn" phenomenon...
"But there's something about this book.... that keeps drawing women in, but I completely don't get it. I don't understand how poorly written erotic fiction is turning so many of you on in a major way. I don't understand how you're not embarrassed by seeing every other mum wandering around with a copy of this or the other two books in the series. I don't understand why you don't just watch porn.
I just do not understand the appeal."
So I thought I would enlighten her and a few others out there on why I think Ms. James and her irresistible characters have enthralled a whole section of the population.
My first point is a direct answer to her "Why don't you just watch porn?" statement.
Because we are women. Plain and simple really. For most of us, sex, fantasy, romanticism, erotica, and all of that... it happens in our minds. I realize that this is a generalization, but one that I am fairly confident about. I guarantee you that if my mind is aroused, anticipating what is going to happen, seeing the whole scene in the safe and private screening room that is my imagination, then I am pretty much a sure thing. Whereas watching a perfectly shaved, busty blonde, doing her faked version of a mind-blowing orgasm on the screen of my laptop via YouPorn, meh... it seems to me that this takes all the fun out of it! {Not that I have ever done this of course}. I am no expert on this, but I am pretty sure that for most women our biggest erogenous zone is our mind!
We are not guys. Most women are not hard-wired for sex at any minute the way guys are. Need to test this? Try a little experiment for me...
If you are sitting beside your significant other and reading this right now, stop reading. Tell him you want to have sex RIGHT NOW. It's OK. I will wait till you get back.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
See, they can't really say no and can be ready in an instant. Whereas women need more of a warm up. We need to stretch before we work out! And if reading a few chapters of Christian and Anastasia's latest antics in the playroom serve as a good stretch for your imagination and this is going to make you more ready and willing for a good romp, then I say go for it. You wouldn't want to pull a muscle or something now would you?
What exactly is the appeal of the Christian/Anasatasia relationship and why do we care?
Okay. Now most of this is just my theory, so don't shoot me if you don't agree. Let's just think of this as Book Club and we are having a discussion about the themes in the book. So here goes...
We all want to be Ana. Smart, sassy, young, pretty, perky boobs (oh, to have perky boobs again!!) and her whole life ahead of her. I don't have these statistics, but I would take a guess that the majority of women reading 50 Shades are not 22-year-old college graduates. They are 35-50 year old women who have kids and careers and husbands and mortgages and car pools and PTA meetings and probably can't remember if they actually had a shower today or not. We escape into Ana for a time and get to pretend that we are all that she is and none of the other stuff. This is not a bad thing and being able to feel what the protagonist is feeling is in my opinion, one of the hallmarks of a good read.
And we all want Christian. I don't care who you are, you can be the hard-core feminist or the devoted housewife (or both really), but no woman among us can resist the tortured soul. It is that ever-present romantic notion that love will conquer all. In 50 Shades, that love just happens to be peppered with a rather decadent dose of what Ana so aptly called "kinky fuckery". And really, who couldn't use a little bit more of that in their love lives?
That is really it on the surface, we all want to be her, we all want to be taken care of by him (in ALL ways) and we all want to FIX him. To be perfectly honest, I am still mulling over the Christian/Ana dynamic and have a few more thoughts on it. I think it could be further delved into and discussed as it applies to a lot of relationship issues, especially those of control, insecurity and trust... food for thought for a future post maybe.
It really is just a love story. And who doesn't root for the girl to get the boy in the end and for everyone to live happily ever after?
The third point I want to make is about the writing itself.
Now I haven't made a point to read a lot of different reviews about the books themselves, but suffice it to say that the general consensus is that Ms. James' writing is not that great.
Hmmm.... maybe my tastes are not that sophisticated, because I didn't think it was that bad for a first time author. Was it a particularly intricate read? No, it was not. Did I start to roll my eyes a bit at the constant references to Ana's 'Inner Goddess' and 'Subconscious' as if they were characters in the story? Yes, that got a bit tired. But all in all, I didn't put down the book at any time and say to myself, "Oh my god, this writing is atrocious, I can't read anymore of this!"
I would like to say this though. 50 Shades was originally written as fan fiction based on the Twilight series. Twilight, the series written about a high school student and a bunch of vampires that has been read by moms the world over. The Hunger Games trilogy is another young adult series written for teenagers about teenagers forced to fight for the pleasure of others. All of these books are written for a young adult audience, and yet here we are all reading them and we are FAR from the young adult phase of our lives.
Why is this?
Well, I have one theory. I don't know about you, but for the last five and a half years, I have read A LOT of books. Books that rhyme, books that make no sense, books that have farting dogs, and bats that live with birds, and birds wanting to drive buses and dinosaurs paying hockey and silly cats who think they are dogs. I have read books over and over and over again, to the point that I can recite them now without even looking at the pages. Because that is what you do when you have kids, you read to them, you let them use their imaginations and see the words and pictures from their books come alive right in front of them and through you.
And if your first years of parenthood have been anything like mine, you rarely have time to delve into a really good book that is just for you, let alone finish one! So, in comes some YA (young adult) fiction. Are these books easy to read? Yes, they are. Do they take you away and give you an escape from the hum-drum of diapers and midnight feedings and potty training? They sure do. This is not a bad thing Mamas. If reading a book, any book that has more words than pictures in it, and one that can give you a half an hour or if you are really lucky, an hour to yourself, I say go for it. Who cares if it was written for a 17-year-old. If you really think about it, some of the greatest books in history are considered young adult fiction. Consider The Catcher in the Rye, The Outsiders, To Kill a Mockingbird and Great Expectations, just to name a few.
{Disclaimer - the '50 Shades' books are NOT for anyone under the age of 25 in my opinion!}
Now back to 50 Shades of Grey for my final point to explain the appeal.
I was at a dinner party a few weeks ago and the conversation turned to the books. My friend's husband was arguing the 'why don't you just watch porn' angle and also saying that the books where stupid because it is not like all these housewives and moms where going to go out and try all the BDSM stuff that is in the book, so what is the point.
I bit my tongue that night and did not say much in mixed company, but here is the point. Having kids and careers and busy lives sometimes makes for nights when it's an effort just to get to bed at the same time, let alone be awake enough for some sexy time. Add in co-sleeping, night-time parenting and the fear of scarring your children forever if they walk in on you getting busy, well, the time for spontaneity in your sex life often goes out the window and finding and turning on your libido can end up last on your very long to-do list. If reading some erotic fiction gets your blood boiling and lights a fire in the otherwise dry twigs that constitute your loins these days, then READ ON MAMAS!! I am not saying you have to go and get yourself all trussed up on a wheel and whipped with a riding crop, but a blindfold and a few silk scarves could do wonders for any bedroom experience... It is your imagination ladies, spurred on by a few words on paper! Use this and get it on again with those hot men you made babies with and once upon a time couldn't keep your hands off of!!
All I have to say is this...
Don't knock it till you try it {or in this case read it} folks!
You and very likely your partner too will be glad that you did!
Laters baby,
;)
N~
legacy
I just spent the last 2 hours in a cramped 3-bed hospital room with my 82-year-old Godmother.
This is the woman my daughter is named after. The woman who was a best friend to my grandmother, a kind of surrogate mother for my own mother and the woman at whose home I have the fondest memories of my childhood.
She is a pretty amazing woman and I am so incredibly thankful that she has always been a part of my life.
Talking with her today, we covered the usual. How the kids and Natural Urban Dad are doing, how goes the progress on the new house, and the usual chit-chat. And then the conversation took a turn that it often does with her.
She is ready to die. She actually wants to die.
Seven years ago this December, the love of her life, the man she was married to for 60 years, the man who left her a love note tucked under her pillow every day, passed away.
She wants to be with him again.
A few months ago, she had a fall at her home and her son found her unconscious on the floor (he woke up suddenly at 3 AM and told his wife he had to go check on his mom). She told me that during those few hours that she was technically in a coma, that she was at peace. She was floating. She was on her way to see her love.
And then she woke up.
Today we also talked a lot about her life in Europe as a child, how her mom died suddenly at the age of 38 when she was only nine and of her life during and after the war. She showed me her engagement ring and told me the story of how my Godfather had to buy the gold on the black market and designed the bow-shaped ring himself. She told me of all the love notes and little presents that he would leave for her under her pillow, for no other reason than just because he loved her so much.
This is the stuff that great love stories are made of people!
And then we started talking about my grandmother. Helen (we never called her Grandma) was also an amazing woman. All 90 pounds of her. My Godparents where the closest thing to family that she had and they know the most about her life. I only know tidbits. If I have one regret in this life it is that I did not spend more time with her and get her to tell me more about her life.
You see, I do not know who my grandfather is. Neither does my mother. Helen was a governess in the late 1940's for a rich family in the south of France. She fell in love with the married chauffeur and proceeded to get herself knocked up at the spinster-y age of 42. This is as much as I know. And as I found out today, this seems to be as much as anyone knows. I assume this situation was quite the scandal in those days and in 1952, two years after my mother was born my grandmother and my mother immigrated to Canada. Once here, I do know that there was a short marriage to another man, who died of a heart attack and then I think Helen just swore of off men forever.
What I found out today, is that my dear grandmother, this tiny woman whom I have held on such a pedestal my whole life, who expected so much from me, who was always so prim and proper, was actually quite the goof. My Godmother regaled me today with stories about Helen. I heard about her walking around nude all the time. Answering the door with nothing on and with nary a care in the world. We had quite the giggle today about her many naked antics.
Why am I going on and on about all of this?
Legacy.
That is why.
I still only have tidbits of my grandmother's life. I wish that she had journaled more, that she had written down her thoughts, her experiences, her perspective of being a single mother in the 1950's and 60's. I wish I could have known her more, understood her more and that I had more of her to remember.
My Godfather wrote his memoirs and his children had them bound into a hardcover book for him before he passed away. I asked my Godmother for a copy of that book today. It was all written in French, so it might take me a while to read it. But read it I will.
Sometimes I hear people make disparaging remarks about being a blogger. Oh, you are not a writer, you are just a blogger. And I realized something today. I am both. And I am neither. I write not only for myself, but for future generations too.
And this is my legacy.
This blog is the way that MY grand children will know me when I am not around anymore. They will know the funny me, the sad me, the advocate me, the Mommy me and the rant-y me! They will be able to read about how their parents were born, read about how and why we did things "in the old days" and see their parents through my eyes (and my camera lens).
They will be able to see how we built our dream home, the home that their parents grew up in, the one that they will get to come to for sleep-overs and holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.
Maybe one day I or the kids will take this blog and make it into a book. Not necessarily for mass production, just for the family to have a tangible connection to the woman I am/will be/was. So I will write. I will write for me, for my kids and for my grand kids. I will write for the women who came before me, for my mother and for my grandmother...
...and I will write for my Godmother. May she soon find peace and her one true love waiting for her with open arms and an eternal love note.
Natasha~
Bizarro World and a Foot Rub
Something weird happened last Sunday. And by weird I mean, like bizarro world, everything is backwards weird.
I worked the Mommylicious trade show in Edmonton on Sunday. I was on my feet from 9 Am until 4:30 PM fitting mamas and daddies with beautiful baby carriers and running the show's stroller check (check in your stroller and 'check out' a baby carrier while you shop). I also got to have some amazing sleepy 6-week-old snuggles with my friend's sweet baby girl who slept on me for about 2 hours! It was a great day.
And a long day.
Natural Urban Dad was home with the kids all day and I got a few texts from him as the day went on about what they were doing. Seems the kids were having a day of "let's not listen to Daddy and therefore not get to go to "Fish Mouth" with him." (Fish Mouth is what they call the undersea adventure area at West Edmonton Mall).
I know that he too was having a long day with the kids.
We all met for dinner at our favourite neighborhood sushi place after I was all done at the show, the kids behaved themselves rather well and then we headed home.
Once in the house, Natural Urban Dad proceeded to immersed himself into cleaning the kitchen.
All I wanted to do was sit down and put up my feet (which were totally KILLING ME) for five minutes and close my eyes after a long day, but no, the kids needed some mommy time.
And it was bath time and someone obviously wanted to be alone with the dishes.
And then it hit me!!
Like a weird bizarro world smack up side the head!
Natural Urban Dad was doing exactly what I usually do when he gets home.
I turn over the kids to him with an "I am DONE!" expression on my face and start cleaning up or cooking dinner. And I fully admit that for the most part I don't even think about how long or hard his day has been.
So I sucked it up, bathed the kids, got them ready for bed, read them a story and tucked them in.
And then I sat on the couch and asked for a foot rub.
I don't know if I have a real point to this post, except to say that NO ONE EVER WINS in this. Men and women have always had and will continue to have the "you have no idea how hard I work all day" discussions no matter who is with the kids and who is on the job. For me, I guess this day just really emphasized this dynamic in what we do at our house and made me realize that I need to appreciate my partner and what his day is like just as much as I expect him to appreciate all that I do in and around the house and with the kids every day.
We made our choices as a family. I would be the stay at home parent and he would be the working one. A lot of couples make this choice. It is important to keep the gratitude in our lives and for each other and remember to not take one another for granted. Each of us has an important job to do for the well-being and success of this family.
This past weekend was my reminder of this. Did Natural Urban Dad see the same thing? Maybe he did.
'Cause it was one very long and very nice foot rub!!
Natasha~
It's decision time....
As you may know, the past few months have been a struggle for me.
Personally, I have been dealing with my yearly seasonal blues demons and just barely keeping them at bay. It is getting better though and I have my fabulous little family and some really great friends (new and old) to thank for that. And a healthy dose of Vitamin D every day seems to be helping too!
Professionally, it has been a struggle as well. Working as a solo entrepreneur is hard work. Actually, it is VERY hard work. And doing so while also being the stay-at-home parent to two preschool-aged children makes it even harder. Somehow they NEED me more now then they ever have before (more on this later) and finding the time to focus on ALL of my babies is getting harder and harder.
Please understand that I love what I do.
I love being able to introduce parents to the incredible world of babywearing. I love helping anyone who asks about breastfeeding, natural birth, and the many aspects of 'green' parenting that I have garnered some knowledge of over the years. It makes my heart happy when I see the look of sheer relief and the physical relaxation of a mama's shoulders when she puts her baby in a proper, safe and beautiful baby carrier. And I seriously almost want to do a happy dance of joy when said baby is asleep in under 5 minutes of being in a new carrier.
I also love being able to find great products from both local and not-so-local mama-made and baby-inspired small businesses. It has always been part of my mission at Natural Urban Mamas to support local Canadian manufacturers and mainly mama-owned or family run smaller companies in North America and Europe. I have stayed true to this throughout the life of my business and I am so honoured to now call quite a few of these manufacturers and mamas some of my dearest friends.
I love the community of mamas that I have on the Natural Urban Mamas Facebook and Twitter pages. All 3800+ of you!! This is simply amazing to me! I appreciate your comments, feedback, funny posts, beautiful pictures and all the questions that you feel comfortable asking me. I love sharing wonderful and informative posts with you and introducing you to some of my favourite blogger friends, cool sites and general internet happy places! I also love how you all share so freely with me and with each other when questions are asked. This to me is a true community. We may not always see things the same way, but sharing ideas and learning from each other makes us all better! Thank YOU!
So why the struggle?
Running a retail company on your own (and on the internet) is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week kind of job. You are the CEO, COO, CFO, Marketing department, Sales force, Purchaser, Accounting/Book-keeping department, Shipper/Receiver, often the IT department and the SEO/Social Media/Communications department as well. There is always something that needs doing to keep the business running smoothly and often this involves an investment of time or money. It is exhausting and to be completely honest, most of the time I am running low of both time AND money!
Here's the thing. When my business partner and I went our separate ways in late 2009, for the sake of simplicity and to avoid the addition of more legal fees (and to keep things from getting ugly), I had to pay her out. I don't really want to get into all the ridiculous details of this transaction (because I will just get angry again), but essentially Natural Urban Mamas has not yet been able to climb out of the hole that this 'pay-out' created. And I don't see it doing so anytime soon. You know that old saying, "you need to spend money to make money", well, at this point, there is just not enough money to spend!
So at this point I am NOT loving the day-to-day running of Natural Urban Mamas, the business. And not just because of the financial factor. It is the time factor too.
Like I mentioned above, my children need me more now than they have before. Little C will be 5 years old in two weeks and he is more inquisitive than ever. He has questions that need well thought out answers! LOTS of questions. Princess L is in the weird and wonderful transition phase from toddler to preschooler and is figuring out that she is not a baby anymore. There is a lot of independence and then very strong attachment going on at our house these days. I need to be there for my littles. It is not just my physical presence that they need, it is more of my mental and emotional presence too and I don't want to deny them any of this. Unfortunately, because I squeeze in work hours when and where I can throughout the day, I feel like I am doing just that.
And it is not just the kids, my husband needs me too.
We both knew that this year was going to be a tough one for us. Financing and building a new house can be rough on any relationship. And although yes, this is our third time doing it, I fully admit that it seems way harder this time around. I think we are both feeling a lot of pressure to really GET IT RIGHT with this house and have a lot of our heart and soul and hopes and dreams wrapped up in this little construction project. And a lot of the decisions about the house come down to me. I am the one visiting the site almost every day to ensure that our dream is taking shape as we planned. I am the one talking to the trades people (I am there so often, that the guys have all started calling me Nat, it's my site nickname). I am the one trying to keep us all on budget. So you see, I have yet another job to add to the list -- unofficial Construction Site Supervisor!
You can imagine that with all of this going on - the store, the kids, and the house - Natural Urban Dad and I don't get a whole heck of a lot of alone time together. And we NEED it! All marriages need this. For us we especially need our time together because of all that is going on! Even if it is just an hour a week at Starbucks or a walk through the mall holding hands, we need that time to reconnect and know that WE matter as a team, a couple and yes, as lovers too! (oh, he is so going to love that!) We are the foundation that all else is built on and we have to keep that foundation strong.
Over the past few weeks, it has become glaringly apparent to me that certain things in my life need to change. I need to change. I am no longer completely happy with the path I am on and I need to find a new way, a better way to keep living my purpose and my passion without losing my mind! This week I sought the advice of a fellow entrepreneur I recently met IRL and for whom I have always had mad respect for... and then she posted THIS! I swear to God, it was like she jumped into my head and then wrote her post. And I can't thank her enough. (Big Super Hugs for Alex from @Clippo!!)
And so here is what is going to happen now. I am taking a page from Alex's book.
Natural Urban Mamas, the store, will be closed from December 12, 2011 until January 31, 2012.
During this time I will be figuring out what is best for me and my family and also for Natural Urban Mamas. I will continue to write on the blog (I have a couple of carrier reviews coming up and some step-by-step carrier instructional posts too) and also keep the Facebook page current. I will be available for babywearing or baby carrier advice via Facebook or Twitter, but will not be running any babywearing workshops during December or January.
I appreciate your patience and understanding and your continued support while I work through this challenge and transition in my life and my business.
Thank you,
Natasha~
All work and no play makes for...
....late nights alone with your computer!
The other night a fellow blogger posted on her Facebook page that she gets all her best writing and work done between the hours of 10 PM and 1 AM.
I totally agree with her, as this also happens to be my most creative and focused time of the day as well.
BUT....
..this kind of schedule.... well.....
It does nothing for one's love life!
Let's face it. We are up at the crack of dawn with little ones (often after an interrupted night's sleep, because of said littles). We feed them all day, play with them, take them to play dates and the park and various other activities. Some of us work full-time jobs, some of us work from home. We make dinner for the family, give baths, read books and finally put them all to bed. And then it is grown-up time....
Or so we think.
For those of us who work from home, or write a blog, or try to maintain some kind of social media presence, after this kids are down and the dishes washed and the laundry sorted, it is often time to get down to business.
And if we are working till the wee hours on most nights, well, there goes any shot of spending quality time with our spouses.
And as I sit here and write this, I .....
....actually, you know what? I'm not.
I am going to make a choice tonight. I choose NOT to stay up until 1 AM. I choose to actually go to bed at the same time as Natural Urban Dad and {ahem} cherish some time with him (at least until one of the kids wakes up!) So this is all you get tonight!
Good night everyone, get off your computers and go snuggle with your loved ones!
I mean it!
Natasha~
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Summer Blog Challenge posts for August 14, 2011
- Peter celebrates, appreciates, and berates: Crazy Wookie Cookies
- Shaun mourns his loss of freedom: Expedition of Truths
- Disco Earl don’t advertise: My Name is Earl (J. Woods)
- Zita on success in business: Ignite Strategic Solutions
- Brad on new furniture and computers: Kick Me Out Soon
- Natasha says “Get off” um… oh yeah “your computer”: Natural Urban Mamas
- Kim gives you some space: Nature Baby Bloggings
- Cliff details a board game: Peer Pressure Works
- Tammy is hesitant about some movie remakes: Tam I Am
- Vlad sings his daughter a song: Analog Coast
- Chad shakes his fist at jerks on the road: The Daily Grind
- Liam persists in re-reading a bad book (or twelve): In The Now
Scrubber Sponges, Chinese Philosophy and my husband...
We sort of have an unwritten rule in our house, no writing about Natural Urban Dada. I am a blogger, yes, and I am very open about my feelings and my life here, but he has veto power about anything that crosses that unwritten "line in the sand" and is about him. Today however, he has given me carte blanche to blog about him! (It may not be exactly what he had in mind).
This was our conversation last night as I was cleaning up and washing dishes after dinner.
"What are you doing? Why do you wash away all the soap you just put on the scrubber? Wha....You just did it again!"
"Whatever, the dishes get cleaned don't they?", I said glibly.
"But, you aren't doing it right. You're wasting too much soap and water. I can't believe you call yourself green!"
"I just do it differently than you."
"No, you do it wrong. Put the soap on the sponge part and let it run through to the scrub side. I need a blog, then maybe I can educate more people like you about how to do things properly."
At this point I put the soap on the sponge as he has instructed me and say (with not a hint of sarcasm, I swear), "You mean like this honey?"
"Yes, that is better. I'll just stand here and watch for a bit and make sure you are doing it right."
And so I humor him and do it 'the right way' while he is watching. He eventually walks away shaking his head and muttering something about "it just makes sense, I don't understand..."
Here is the thing. My husband and I have very different ways of doing things. Pretty much ALL things. I mean fundamentally we have the same values and morals and all that, but we are pretty much exact opposites on the surface.
I am loud and extroverted. He is not.
I cry at the drop of a dime. He never cries (not once in the 11 years I have known him or according to him, not since Spock uttered those classic words to Kirk in Wrath of Khan "I have been and always shall be your friend.")
I like to pile my clothes on the chair in the corner of our room. He puts his away right away.
I cook and make a mess and THEN clean up when I am finished. He likes to clean as he goes.
I never go to the bathroom with the door closed. He never goes with it open. EVER.
I would go happily pack up the kids and the dog and go on a two week camping trip through the Rockies. He would happily book a hotel with running water, toilets and little to no risk of ants in his bed.
I need to be able to have a fight and get out my emotions and let it go. He needs to figure out what his feelings are, go away and assess for a while and then discuss. (This is very frustrating BTW!!)
Maybe part of the reason we are so different has to do with our upbringing. Him by a very typical Chinese Tiger Mom, and me by more of a "Single with 4 kids trying to keep a roof over our heads" Mom. Both ways seem to have had good results. He is a very driven man, who works hard to provide for his family and knows how to clean a toilet (score!). And I am a very strong-willed woman, who has learned a lot the hard way and knows that I could do it all by myself if I had to, but am so, so grateful that I do not!
I am not sure why or how we work, but we do. We complement each other and we balance each other out. And it seems to be working well. We have managed to stay together for 11 years, we still laugh at each others jokes and maybe sometimes just at each other and we are very much in love.
Wikipedia describes Yin and Yang as this:
Yin yang are complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole, as part of a dynamic system. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, but either of these aspects may manifest more strongly in particular objects and situations, and may ebb or flow over time.
So as the water was flowing over the dishes, and we were having the silly discussion about my scrubber-sponge technique, it was all good. Because tomorrow, or maybe the next day my Yin will manifest more strongly and ebb all over his neat-freak Yang butt!
Natasha~