Feminism: A myriad of differences.

I was about to write "it's a tough time to be a feminist" as the opening line to this post and then I realized where I am, WHO I am, what year it is and I gave my head a good shake. In the past few months and weeks it has become very apparent to me what it means to wear the moniker of 'feminist' and truly embrace what this means in our modern society. And to be perfectly honest, it is not an easy road, or a pretty one, and more often than not, my heart and my mind hurt from the things that I read about or see in my daily life. It is enough that some days, I just have to turn off my phone/internet and remove myself from the hate that exists towards women and retreat back to my easy, pretty, and yes, fully-acknowledged, privileged, bubble of a life.

My bigger problem though is that I am a born 'fixer'. Not on the scale of say, an Oliva Pope mind you, but ask around and you'll know that in a crisis or in the face of problems, I am the level-head, the straight talker, the reality-checker and the one looking for a solution, having the tough conversations and trying to find actionable items that move everyone forward. So when I see a problem, big or small, and when I think I can somehow make a difference, I will more often then not try to fix it.

This explains why I get very invested in causes and peoples stories that may or may not have anything to do with where I live (ex: American politics), what colour my skin is (racism in North America) or whom I choose to love (equal rights for same sex couples). These issues may not be as prominent (or publicized) in my privileged middle class backyard here in Canada, but they are issues that in some way, shape or form, affect the greater world that I live in. Standing idle while these marginalized groups fight for rights so many of us take for granted just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like I am working at making this world a better one for my children and it doesn't feel right to be an example of complacency in the face of injustice.

I tell my kids all the time that if someone is doing something that they know is wrong or mean, to step up and say, "Hey, that's not nice, please stop doing that'. I also tell them that more often than not, they can accomplish much more when they are working together, than when they are fighting over the semantics of whose turn it is to do this or that.

Which brings me back to feminism.

I've said it before; having children was the turning point for my acknowledgment of my own feminism and the realization that yes, by golly, I am a FEMINIST. But I do understand that for a lot of women, young and old, even saying that out loud can be a tough thing to do. A quick google image search of the word feminist and you come up with four subcategories, Women, Angry, Stereotypes and Anti-Feminist, as well as image after image of protest signs, angry women and memes of "Man-hating, ball-breaking, hairy-legged feminists."  I can see how that can be a hard pill for some to swallow. Feminism isn't portrayed as being all that pretty and of course, as we all know, girls and women are supposed to be pretty and feminine and sugar and spice and all that NICE bullshit... RIGHT?

According to who? (That may be the bigger question here.)

Since the beginning of time, women have been portrayed in writing (and therefore in media) as the lesser of the sexes. I mean geez, according to some theologies, GOD even got it wrong the first time and had to replace Lilith (created from the earth as Adam's equal) with Eve, who was then created FROM Adam. And then Eve went and used her brain to question her surroundings and supposedly effed up that perfect utopia for all of us! Seriously ladies, our struggle for equality goes back way farther than we can even imagine!

And we continue to struggle. Only lately, there is something about feminism, especially within the online community that has me concerned. I have seen it before with the dreaded "mommy wars" and the "Breastfeeding vs. Formula-feeding" battles that erupt online and in the media. These so-called (and much baited) wars and battles serve only one purpose. They take attention away from the REAL problems in our society, they deflect any kind of blame or responsibility from the corporate or political culprits who in turn only benefit from this continued in-fighting. These word battles within our communities that are often fraught with emotion and personal investment rarely further any kind of real conversation about the issues at hand and become fodder for trolling and contribute to divisiveness amongst those that are seeking to make positive changes for the good of all.

We all come to our feminism through different paths and from different backgrounds, just as we do to all aspects of our lives. I can not, nor would I presume to understand the journey of a woman of colour on her feminist path, nor would I think I could know the thoughts of a lesbian or trans* woman on her path, nor for that matter, even the journey of the white, cis-gendered, heterosexual woman down the street from me. We are all different people, with different lives, loves and histories. I won't presume to say who has it rougher than anyone else. I also won't dismiss our differences, our histories, nor the inherent privilege that exists on my own journey.

What I also can't dismiss anymore is the fighting that is happening within the feminist movement. Especially within the online feminist community. I appreciate different points of view and I appreciate the education that I have received in the past few weeks, especially from and about WOC and feminism (Please go and read, Audre Lorde's essay, Age, Race, Class and Sex: Women Redefining Difference, RIGHT NOW!). I have a backlog of blog posts and articles that I am reading every day and I while I have read some very awful, racist, anti-feminist writing, I have read even more incredibly insightful and beautiful posts, by some of the internet's best feminist writers. I have to say that I have also seen a little too much of the "Bitch Please!" kind of post where the point of our battle is lost in the mire of checking or unchecking one's privilege or lack thereof or lamenting how someone is not doing feminism 'right'. Isn't the point of intersectionality to acknowledge our differences and not judge them?

Late last year, my friend Zita had a line in a wonderful post that I feel once again, fits this situation to a T.

The greatest trick patriarchy ever pulled was convincing women that we are each other’s enemies.

Maybe I am naive in my activism. Maybe I myself am not doing feminism "right" and I'm too idealistic. The thing is, I am not sure we are winning anything right now. Audre Lorde's essay was written in 1980 (have you read it yet?) and it may as well have been written last week. In America, women's rights to bodily autonomy are being revoked in a dangerous state by state game of falling dominos. In the UK, a woman received death and rape threats because she successfully campaigned to have a woman's face on a banknote, in a country that has a QUEEN as head of state. There is a brutal and appalling thing called 'corrective rape' that happens to girls in Africa who are gay and in my own city, we have a men's rights group, with members who truly think that feminists are  "the monster that has had so much power and say in our laws, government, and culture."

We have to stop fighting each other. As you can see from the examples above, there are so many other things we have to combat. We have to embrace our differences and stand together. Black, white, asian, Latina, bi-racial, lesbian, gay, queer, trans, straight, and whatever else you want to add to that list... We are all in this together and our voices have more meaning and more impact when they are raised in unison and not against each other. Look at what happened when Wendy Davis stood up (literally) not just for the women of Texas, but for ALL OF US. Never in all my time on the internet did I feel so much a part of such a powerful, positive, and inspiring movement as I did that night! THAT is the kind of feeling and rallying and unity that is going to affect change in our world. If I could have bottled that feeling of hope and solidarity from that night and mass produced it, I would have!

Feminism is not going anywhere anytime soon. We still have a lot of work to do. I will continue to use my own 'fixer' skills as best I can from my end. I will stand up for the women in my community and beyond. I will do everything in my power to see that this world is a better one for my daughter and my son. I will work harder to see feminism from all its myriad of differences and perspectives. For as Audre Lorde said more than 30 years ago:

"The future of our earth may depend upon the ability of all women to identify and develop new definitions of power and new patterns of relating across difference."

Honouring our differences and in solidarity with all,

Natasha~

Not as blurry as it seems...

Some days its a struggle not to become a big judgemental fuddy-duddy in my old age. I hear that voice in my head and wonder who the hell it is? You know, the one that says shit like:

"WHAT. ON. EARTH. is that girl wearing?"  or "Are you serious? THIS is what kids call music these days?" or  the ever popular "Well, I never (insert thing you never have/will/or would do in your lifetime)...."

Its hard to look around some days and NOT think that the world is going to "hell in a hand-basket" (that's fancy for really fucked up!) and we had better just hold on for dear life and hope we don't all fall out of our baskets and into the proverbial lake of fire!

I can't help but think that every generation feels this way when they see all the new fan-dangled ways that the younger generation goes about their business. The way they dress, the way they talk, the kind of music they listen to and the way the world (and primarily technology) is changing, which these days is kind of like one of those crazy super exponential math problems that I for one, could never quite figure out!

The kids these days love their Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. I loved Madonna and Billy Idol. They have Edward and Bella and we had Keifer Sutherland in 'The Lost Boys'. Short shorts or leggings are the uniform du jour for most teenage girls right now and in my day, it was mesh crop tops and fluorescent hammer pants. I am sure a lot of "grown ups" thought we were a bunch of crazy kids, listening to our devil music and wearing our clothes backwards (Kris Kross will make you JUMP! JUMP!!) and rolled their eyes at us just as much as my generation does today seeing some of the things the kids do that make us all go, HUH???

Being a parent brings all of this front and centre in your life. You become painfully aware of the world you live in and the influences that exist outside of you and your home on your children. Things that never bothered you before, all of a sudden become the things that keep you up at night wondering how/when or why it may or may not mess up your children's lives.

Ok,I am sorry.

Enough vague-blogging...

(I am taking full credit for that one, as Urban Dictionary only lists vaguetweeting and vaguebooking as actual things!).

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I've got a problem with Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines song. And the YouTube-banned video and the subtext of the lyrics and the fact that the lines may be blurry, but the message (at least to me) is NOT! You can head over to read Julie Green's post at Yummy Mummy Club for a sampling of the lyrics and Thicke's explanation that all three of the contributing artists are "happily married with kids" to justify that it's just a song and they are just having some fun objectifying women, something they don't get to do in real life, because they have "...always respected women".

Seriously???

Here is my issue. These LINES can get VERY blurry for a lot of kids, the primary consumer of this particular brand of pop culture. Oh, I don't know, how about a bunch of drunk boys at a party in Ohio, thinking that it would be fun to just objectify and follow around and subsequently sexually assault a passed out sixteen year old girl. Supposedly "good boys" at that, who didn't realize that what they were doing was a crime. That in the end, what they did, was in fact NOT funny at all, NOT actually that blurry of a line and didn't make any of them, the perpetrators of said crime or the filmers of its extremely offensive and objectifying play-by-play commentary, cool, hip or particularly date-able in any near or far distant future!

I am not saying that THIS particular song has anything to do with that incident, but its hard to deny that there is a theme in a lot of today's music that degrades women, making them seem more like objects to be won, fondled, man-handled or "torn in two". It exists in television and in film as well and the Internet and our easy access to so much media and in so many forms makes these images and these songs lyrics just part of a normal days entertainment for most kids.

It's easy to just brush it all off with a casual, "Oh, it's just a song, he/she is an artist and doesn't mean anything by it." or "That's just a TV show/movie/video game, it's not REAL." And that my friends, is where the lines really start to blur. WE, as the grown-ups may be able to understand or more clearly see those lines between artistic license and reality, but our impressionable young ones? Maybe not so much.

“Adolescent brains don't cement up as fast as we thought they did," observes Gordon Neufeld, a child psychologist in Vancouver. “For a long time we thought that the brain's hard-wiring was finished by the time kids hit their teens, but we now recognize it has a high degree of plasticity, which means that young adults are still highly adaptive creatures that can learn from example and experience."

If the examples that they hear on the radio or on their Songza playlists and see on TV or Netflix on a regular basis are ones of objectification of women, violence, and sexism, this kind of stuff gets stored in their brains and then ALL the LINES start to get really BLURRY! Girls may start believing that their only worth is tied to what they look like or what they are or are not wearing and boys may start to believe that no means maybe, or maybe means yes, or passed out means fair game. If you don't believe me, check out the Instagram feed of anyone under 16 years old.

Look, I am not trying to be all soap-boxy here and saying that Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I. are single-handedly contributing to the perpetuation of rape-culture in our society. I am saying that "I" have a problem with this particular song and its message and it is not something I want my kids to listen to. Kids who, by the way, have somehow become very good at picking up song lyrics these days. The "Mom, what does he mean when he says "I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two?" is NOT the conversation that I EVER want to have with my child!

So for now, for this song (and for a few others as well) I flip the station or turn off the radio.

Also, I have convinced them that Daft Punk is not "staying up all night to get lucky", they have actually "grown up with Mexican Monkeys!"

I win at "Parental Controls" and utter fuddy-duddyness this week!!

Natasha~

Why I don't think anyone should regret being a Stay At Home Mom.

As I am writing this I feel like I need to have a few disclaimers.

1. I am a teensy bit pre-menstrual (read-ranty!). My nose is on the fritz, everything REEKS today and my "geez-lady-sensitive-much?-o-meter" is kind of off the charts.

2. I am not, nor would I ever judge another person for their CHOICES in life and I applaud anyone who writes with a realness and honesty the likes of "OMG, I can't believe she just said that!".

3. You MUST read the linked article FIRST to fully understand this post. It's OK, I don't mind giving HuffPo some linky love! Maybe one day, they'll return the favor. ;)

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Now that being said, I just read an article written by a woman who is at least 15 years down the mothering road from me that has every hair on my body bristling. Lisa Endlich Heffernan from Grown and Flown just published a post with a laundry list of the reasons she regrets being a SAHM for the last 20 years. Now again, I am not judging her for her life choices or diminishing her feelings about them. What I would like to do is maybe offer a different perspective on her list. Maybe things are different as a SAHM in 2013 than they were in the '80s and '90s. Then again, I may read this post in 15 years and be all, "Yeah, RIGHT! Little did you know back then smart ass!" Either way, here is what I think.

"I let down those who went before me."  Lisa read The Feminine Mystique in the '70s. I read How to be a Woman in 2013. Both contain strong messages about feminism and what that means to each individual reader is up to them. Betty Freidan was preaching for woman to dream big and beyond the confines of being a housewife and a mother. Caitlin Moran was preaching (with lots of colourful words) to a new generation of women on taking ownership of our bodies, our minds and our work, whatever that work may be! I am a stay at home mom by choice. I have the privilege to make that choice and I stand on the shoulders of the women who came before me that gave me the right to actually have a choice in this matter and so many others in my life!

"I used my driver's license far more than my degree."  I can't disagree with her on this one. I live in an urban setting that requires a vehicle to get around and so yes, I drive a lot. I have also graduated high school and I too spent 6 years in university and have a B.Sc. in Medical Lab Sciences. My years of education taught me many things: how to splice genes, how to diagnose a parasitic infection and how to match someones blood-type for an emergency blood transfusion. It also taught me how to interact with all kinds of people, how to WRITE, how to look at situations critically and analytically, how to manage projects and people and most importantly, it taught me to always have an inquisitive and open mind. My driver's test taught me how to parallel park.

"My kids think I did nothing." OK, I am sorry, I have to get a bit judge-y here. Who's fault is this? Lisa says her kids knew what a job looked like and that she didn't have one. Hmmm... Raising three boys and not helping them to understand that what you are doing as a stay at home mom is indeed a job and a damn valuable one at that is not anyone's fault but her own. Little C and I had this very conversation yesterday when he was about to have a meltdown because I had to go to the bank. We talked about how my job is to look after the family and then we discussed all the different ways that I do that. Daddy may go to an office for his job, but my job is everywhere my family is and without me doing it, things would get really messy around here. And I am not just talking about the piles of laundry!

"My world narrowed." I get this. When your world all of a sudden becomes about the frequency and consistency of someone else's bowel movements, you want to be able to talk to people who are also concerned with these type of things. It makes the experience less isolating and far less scary. I too have made many "mommy" friends in the past six years that I hope to have for many years to come. AND, even though I am still wiping bums at home, I have also started getting myself out there in the world to meet other people too. Multiple events in my city get me out of the comforts of my inner circle and into the far-less-scary-than-I-thought circles of many others. Circles in which the talk is substantially less about poop and more with and about people of all genders and all walks of life lifting each other up and trying to make our world a better place for all of us.

"I got sucked into a mountain of volunteer work." ME TOO! Because, you know what, I too have the time. And for a lot of the volunteer work that I do, I also have the skills (See above, re: my degree). I can also say NO to the things that don't work for me. It's really that simple and the thing with volunteer work is that it is not a job, it is something you do freely, without any expectation of payment or recognition. Some of it sucks (think 6 PM to 3 AM shift at a Casino fundraiser), some of it is ridiculously fun (sitting with 5 year olds making rainbow fossil rubbings) and some of it helps keep great programs and organizations GREAT. You do what you can with your time and skills, say no when it doesn't work for you and make the best out of all of it. Kind of like anything in life!

"I worried more." I don't know about this one. Can anyone really say they worry about their kids more than another parent? It's all rather subjective. I don't think being in their presence makes the worries any less "substantive". If you click on the link to Lisa's Overparenting post, you'll see the lengths to which she has gone in this regard. Would I do anything less? Perhaps not. I am a fan of natural consequences though and eventually some cute girl will comment on how stinky a college boy who doesn't do his own laundry is and that problem will be solved and mama bear will have one less thing to worry about!

"I slipped into a more traditional marriage." I guess this depends on what one means by "traditional". If, like the author, you tend to see things in a very narrow 1950's way with the mom at home and the dad at work, and the division of labour as simple as that, then yes, I suppose that is what happens. What actually happens inside the houses of these traditional looking marriages may be very different. My husband is a very active part of our household maintenance and cleanliness and has changed just as many dirty diapers and wiped as many bums and snotty noses as I have. He is not off the hook from being a parent because his "work day" is over and we divide our household responsibilities based on our strengths and weaknesses. (Apparently, my weakness is my ability to properly clean a toilet. A task I GLADLY gave up! On the other hand, my husband's weakness is shopping in any way , shape or form, and this is something that I am very, VERY good at!)

"I became outdated." I think this is another way of saying "I got old." Sorry hon, it happens to all of us! Our parents got outdated the minute we figured out how to get the damn blinking 12:00 off of the VCR at 7 years old and still have to go over and help them change the message on their answering machines (aka, voicemail) AND remind them that the beeping sound they hear when they are on the phone means that they have call waiting. Technology is moving light years faster than human beings are evolving and it is as inevitable as the laser disc was a bad idea that our children will be more technologically adept than us a some point in our lives. In ten years from now when everyone has an actual EYE phone, I'll be clutching my dear old 4S like it is a long lost lover from my past, while my kids roll their "phones"at me!

"I lowered my sights and lost my confidence." Nothing, and I mean NOT ONE DAMN THING in my life has shaken my confidence in myself like motherhood has. I believe this is what happens when someone else's life is actually in your hands and it takes all the effort one can muster to not totally mess it up! Add to that all the outside pressure that exists for all of us to be "mom enough" or this or that kind of parent and the limited value society as a whole places on motherhood, and really, the cards are quite stacked against us and any self-confidence we may have had. It's why we surround ourselves with others in the same boat. We support each other and we give one another booster shots of confidence when our titres are low.

As for lowering one's sights, I am not sure that is the right way to look at this part of life. I like to think of it more as a matter of changing the line of sight and having different goals for this particular project. It's no longer the corner office and the big fat bonus check that I lean-in to and work for. It's the ridiculously tight full arms and leg hug that I get at the end of a long day letting me know that I rocked it at "work" that day. My bonus check is seeing a big brother help his little sister learn her letters and encouraging her when she is losing her confidence. The payments I receive for my "job" are infinite and for the most part invisible. And the view from my "corner office" (the dining room table) is damn sweet!

One particular line in Lisa's post really struck me and I am not sure what to make of it. At the end she says....

"And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held."

Unlike Lisa, I am not at this perceived tail end of motherhood. I feel it is unfair of me to comment on an impending empty nest and lack of marketable skills to re-enter the workforce. I may very well feel her same sense of remorse in 15 years time. I do know one thing though and it is something that my kids and I talk about all the time...

Motherhood is NEVER obsolete!

Natasha~

How to be a proper "mommy blogger".

I have just finished watching all three first seasons of Downton Abbey. It took about three episodes of season one to hook me, but after that I was a goner. It really is a very well written, acted and produced show and I am looking forward to season 4.

I was drawn to the show for a few different reasons. One, EVERYONE and their well-bred dogs kept going on and on about it and so I had to see what all the fuss was about. Two, I have a secret obsession with all kinds of historical dramas set in England (I am a quarter British BTW). I have seen the Elizabeth movies about five times each, I am a huge fan of The Tudors, and this just seemed to fit in with the whole genre. And three, my maternal grandmother (the British part of me) was a governess for a very wealthy French family in the 1930-40s in and a glimpse into this kind of life, albeit an earlier version, was very eye-opening for me and somehow has made me feel close to her again.

The show also gave me chills at times, especially with regard to the way that women of that era where regarded. I grew up with MANY lessons from my grandmother on how to be a proper lady, on how to act properly and to know and show proper etiquette at all times. At quite an early age, I could have told you what all of the forks, spoons and knives where for in a formal dinner setting. Also, a lady never crosses her legs, a lady sits up straight and a lady has a dainty and ladylike laugh. My grandmother had a full set of the large sized Encyclopedia Britannica and would make me do laps in the house with one on my head, for proper posture of course. She used to brush my hair one hundred times a night. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. And then we would say the Lord's prayer and at least one Hail Mary, in French, before going to sleep. I was on my way to being a good and proper little lady! Oh Helene (what we called my granny) if you only knew!

It may not come as a surprise that I have ended up relating most to Lady Edith Grantham as a character. She is not the overtly rebellious one like Sybil or the super-traditionalist, doing her duty for the family, Mary. She constantly gets overlooked by everyone and eventually comes into her own, by her own devices and finds a way for her voice to be heard, if not by her family, then by a much wider audience as a writer for a London magazine. Go Edith!!

Why all this Downton Abbey talk?

Well, it has been an interesting week in the "mommy blogger" world. Let me just check my calendar... yup, it has been about three months since anyone took a good swing at the bloggers/writers/business women who are also mothers. And swing they did.

The Wall Street Journal published the incredibly condescending article about "The Mommy Business Trip" and, well... you can imagine the fallout. Or if you can't, you can go read all about it HERE, and HERE and HERE and oh, just Google it, you'll see.... Hell hath no fury like a belittled blogger and mother!

I admit that I too was rather upset about the article. I am not a blogging conference expert or anything, but I have attended a few and in my former career, I have also attended multiple large medical conferences, as both a sponsor and an attendee. For the medical conferences, I left my husband for 2-4 days at a time, I stayed in fancy hotels, I ate at 4 and 5 star restaurants-sometimes on my dime, sometimes on someone else's and I attended sessions that were of interest to me and my profession. I also attended the sponsored cocktail parties and mingled and met with, and was awe-stricken by people whose names I had only ever seen in the British Medical Journal or the Lancet on papers that listed them as lead authors and researchers!

For the blogging conferences, I left my husband and children for 2-4 days, I stayed at a fancy hotel, I ate at 4 and 5 star restaurants-sometimes on my dime, sometimes on someone else's and I attended sessions that were of interest to me and my profession. I also attended the sponsored cocktail parties and mingled and met with, and was awe-stricken by people whose names I had only ever seen on Twitter or on their VERY successful blogs!

Anyone spot the MAJOR difference between these two scenarios?

Children. That's about it really. But that seems to be the crux of it. In the WS article, there is no mention of the men attending blogging conferences, no mention of the childless attendees, themselves also eating ten dollar bags of chips of the floors of hotel rooms. Nope, just the mommies, the ones not living up to some archaic notion of what a proper mother should be and do with her time (and from the implications in the article, with her husband's money as well).

Yes, I started blogging after I had children. My writing before then was of a very different kind. It was scientific and was about proposals and presentations and such. Those business trips and conferences were seen as an integral part of my job and it was expected that I attend them to keep up to date with the most current research, to keep my face and expertise in front of important clients from all over the world and to enhance my knowledge in my field.

My conundrum this past week has been this. Why is this so hard for everyone to understand about blogging conferences? Are the people who attend these conferences, YES, even the "mommy bloggers", not doing the exact same thing? Keeping up to date with the current (and VERY fast moving) pace of online publishing, getting those crucial face-to-face meetings with clients/potential partners and meeting the ever important "connectors" and "mavens" of the blogging world. And most of all, to enhance their knowledge in their chosen field of work, be it SEO, working with brands, finding writing inspiration, being a better photographer/vlogger, etc....

I made the mistake of reading the comment section of the WSJ article and what hit me the most, and what brings me back to Downton Abbey, is that, from the incredibly condescending lede, to the overall tone of the article (which, by the way, was written by a woman), the one major impression I got from it, and what I feel from a lot of these "mommy blogger", click-bait, page-view hungry articles, published mostly in old-school mainstream media outlets, is the incredible misogynistic tone taken against women and especially mothers. There is an overbearing feeling of someone reminding us to "know our proper place in the world". Of us being scolded and reminded of how to be the proper lady and the proper mother and the proper hobbyist. God forbid that we all decide, just like Lady Edith does, to use our brains and voice our opinions to a larger audience. To start businesses and be successful at them and then need to stay up to date with the world and work that we are doing through conferences and meetings.

It seems ridiculous that I have to point this out in 2013, but just like post-war 1920s in England, the times they are-a-changing people. It's a business trip. NOT a "MOMMY" anything.

End of story!!

Now, do please excuse me. I am off to brush my hair. 1, 2, 3, 4....

Natasha~

On motherhood: the ultimate vulnerability.

I had coffee with a friend the other day. A pregnant friend who is in that "second-trimester, starting to feel uncomfortable in her own changing body, slightly grumpy about the restrictions it is placing on her" friend. We are relatively new friends (and yes, we did "meet" via social media), but our stories are quite similar. She could be me seven years ago. A woman in her mid-30's with a burgeoning career, life experiences and accomplishments that she is proud of and someone who is pretty sure of who she is in this world.

And she is afraid.

Afraid of what becoming a mother means.

Afraid of losing herself to this new role in her life.

Afraid of following in the footsteps of the mothers in her life, who became wholly consumed by motherhood and whom she feels lost all of who they were before then.

So I told her what motherhood did for me as a woman.

I told her that becoming a mother has taught me more about being a woman and has opened me up more to the world around me than any other life experience I have ever had.

And then she looked at me with the wide-eyed look of someone whose fears had just been confirmed!

So for my friend, and for everyone else who may have these fears about motherhood and losing themselves in it, I felt the need to explore this more. This is what I have come up with...

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You can read every "what to expect" pregnancy and new baby book on the library shelves, watch every TLC show about babies and childbirth, listen to all your friends tell you all their tips and tricks for being a new mom, and it won't matter one bit. The minute you have a child, the moment you open your eyes after that last big push, or you finally hold your baby in your arms after a long adoption wait, or you wake up after your c-section to see your baby sleeping cuddled with your partner in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs...  you have new eyes.

And they see everything differently.

All of a sudden, everything takes on a slightly different tinge, has a more sweeping scope, uses a different filter.

I was not a "natural urban" anything before I had kids. I was Natasha, and all I really had to worry about was me. Yes, I was married and we were (and are) a great team and we were as inseparable then as we are now, but my life really was primarily about me. My career, my promotions, my wants, my needs, my whims...

When we started planning a family, in that plan was me going back to work after six months, a list of recommended daycares and day homes and a career to get back to ASAP. We decided to start "trying" in earnest after a trip to Tanzania in 2005 and we got pregnant within three months. All was going according to the plan.

Half-way through my second trimester, all the shit hit all the fans!! I had dangerously high blood pressure. I was admitted to hospital within an hour of a routine OB appointment and 24 hours later we were having a discussion of "fetal viability" with a neonatologist.

THIS WAS NOT IN THE PLAN PEOPLE!!

We had to make some big decisions. I had to take a medical leave from work immediately and was kept in hospital for two weeks. After I was finally allowed to go home, our life became about daily Non-Stress Tests (which is a really ironic name for them by the way!), weekly ultrasounds, perinatologist appointments and ultimately full bed-rest. We lived each week holding our breath until after the ultrasound to hear whether or not our baby would have to be delivered then or if he would get another week to grow and develop in utero.

Maybe it was because my "vision" changed earlier than some. Maybe it was because I "saw" my baby every week from 26 weeks until 3 days before his birth through the lens of the ultrasound wand.  Maybe because I had to read different kinds of "what to expect" books (ie, what to expect in the NICU, how to care for a premature baby, what long term complications we might encounter, etc...). Whatever the case, from that first moment of panic, nothing in my life was about ME anymore.

And here is the plain truth of it all.

Yes, motherhood is an all-encompassing endeavour and yes, one does become consumed by it, but in my opinion, that is more biology than it is sociology. A human child needs its mother to survive. She provides it with warmth, love, nourishment, protection. Our bodies and the systems within them, adjust to the post-natal state and function perfectly to do all of this. A mother and child will breath in sync while sleeping together, a baby will imprint on the mother's scent and will be primarily soothed by her nearness. The hormones released by both mother and child during breastfeeding, not only serve to perpetuate this amazing feedback loop of supply and demand, they also provide both with a sense of calm and an endorphin rush of happy. In essence the mother and child are really just two parts of one beautiful and biological machine of great complexity. It does no one any good, especially mothers, to fight that part of our nature.

I did not and I do not see this initial all-consuming part of motherhood as a surrendering of one's self. I see it more as an opportunity to explore a deeper part of one's self that has not been readily evident before. Motherhood teaches us the true inventory of our bodies, our minds and our souls. Motherhood made me look very closely at every aspect of my life. From the obvious ones, like getting the safest car seat and making sure I knew how to install it properly and using non-VOC paint when decorating his room, to farther reaching environmental issues like choosing to cloth diaper and researching every product that touched his tiny little body. I was relentless in all of this and I spent hours on parenting forums (remember those days?). I was a sponge for all things mothering. I wanted to be GOOD at this. Really, really, good!

What I discovered through all of this was that in order to be 'good' at it, I had to let go. Let go of plans, of schedules, of ridiculous expectations (both mine and those of others), of doing things a certain way without exception. This was hard for me. I am a creature of habit and I like a certain amount of order in my life. Having children has taught me that sometimes a nap is just as important, if not more so, than a shower some days. It has taught me that what I say and do with my children and to my children is going to have a lasting impact on them and therefore on this world. It has made me so much more aware of global reproductive rights and how much work there is to be done right here in our own back yards, let alone across the globe. It has made me painfully aware of all of the misinformation that exists in our world with regards to both breastfeeding and formula feeding. Motherhood opened me up to the most amazing parenting practice ever - babywearing. And through babywearing, motherhood made me an entrepreneur. Motherhood made me an advocate for women and in turn a voice for many... and yes, it made me an ACTIVIST and a FEMINIST too.

Some would look at my life and say that I have indeed surrendered my former self to motherhood. I mean, look at me, I am a stay-at-home mom, I drive a micro-van, I arrange play-dates and go to yoga while my kids are in school. AND I did some of those "extreme" parenting things too, like extended breastfeeding, elimination communication and co-sleeping. Oh, and I have a blog too! They might as well slap a MOMMY sticker right on my forehead and move on to the next person in line to ask what they "do" for a living. It's got the be way more interesting that motherhood, right?

To these people, I would say look closer. Motherhood has opened my eyes to a world far beyond my front door. Seriously people, giving birth (without drugs to boot!) is an experience that tests you both mentally and physically, and I passed that test. TWICE. There is nothing I can't do now! The world has opened up to me, and not just because of the internet (although it has helped immensely), but because I have let so much more of it in!  My children are going to inherit this world after me and I will do my part, however small it may be, to ensure that not only is it a better one for them, but that they in turn will see my example and want to make it an even better world for their children.

You know that iceberg picture that everyone shows at every presentation you have ever been too? (Go here to see the one I am talking about). I think of that image when I reflect on my life. I was the tip of the iceberg before I was a mother. Like my pregnant friend, I had a full life, I had adventures, I had a career, I was proud of what I had accomplished and felt I was a valuable, contributing member of society. Motherhood didn't make me forget about all that, nor do I think that it consumed me. Motherhood just opened up my life to boundless possibilities and to the depths of my mind and my soul that existed below the surface. It has made me grow and has pushed me and made me take risks and venture far out of my confort zone way more than anything else in my life. Motherhood has made me accept my vulnerabilities as a human being and see them not as a weakness of character, but as a path to create more goodness, more beauty and more LOVE in my world.

In a nutshell (and 1700 words later-Ha!), motherhood was the beginning of my legacy. I have actually birthed three babies that will live on after me and carry a part of me with them always and forever. My son with his thirst for knowledge and attention to detail, my daughter with her quirky sense of humour and love of all living things, and finally my writing. My story... their story...

My evolution as a mother

and as a woman.

Both sides of the same coin.

And as I have learned, it serves no one to fear or resist either one!

natasha~

When the landscape changes, so must we

I wasn't going to read it. There has been so much in the news and on blogs and all over the internets about the Steubenville rape case that I was just not going to read another article that would A) raise my blood pressure to toxic levels again or B) make me physically sick to my stomach. Watching CNN's Candy Crowley and Poppy Harlow report on the verdict in this case nearly did me in!

A few days ago, I reacted to a tweet by a local news anchor who had just read Barbara Amiel's Maclean's article, the one I was NOT going to read. I had already seen excerpts from it in a few posts earlier this week and I really did not want to read more of it and get upset again.

But I had to. I had to give context to the tweet I reacted to and a solid reason for my reaction. So I read the article, and as predicted, my blood pressure rose to earth's core erupting levels and as expected, I immediately felt the bile rushing up from the pit of my stomach.

There has been much knee-jerk reaction to Ms. Amiel's article (as witnessed by a quick perusal of the heavily populated comment section) and my tweet was no exception. Upon further reading I decided that instead of the visceral gut reaction that came from reading her article, I needed to take some deep breaths and respond to it more succinctly.

I want to address each of the incidents that Ms. Amiel discusses in her article and why her opinion (ie, why are we making such a big deal out of them?) is an outdated one, rank with flagrant patriarchy and one has no place in our world today. A world that I want to leave better, more transparent, and more RESPECTFUL of all human beings for my own children to grow up in and feel safe in. So here I go, after much thought and consideration, my response to Barbara Amiel's op-ed piece on our "anything goes sexual society."

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1. The Steubenville Rape Case.

Ms. Amiel writes about the case and reminisces about her U of T campus days:

"This is a party ending that reminds me of my days living in Whitney Hall residence at the University of Toronto in the early ’60s, kitty-corner to the Zetes fraternity house, which specialized in drunken binges and the noisy smashing of bottles all weekend long. The girls wore more clothes, flip flops had not been popularized and, crucially, no such thing as cellphones and social media existed. But the end result looked much the same from my third-floor window." (Emphasis mine.)

"The end result looked much the same..." and it very likely was the same. A young college girl, excited that the popular frat house boys on campus had invited her to their party. Maybe she drank too much, maybe was taken into a room or a car or behind a shed and quite possibly she was sexually assaulted to some degree. The problem as I see it here, is that in the 1960's, the legal definition of rape and the very likely the cultural perception of rape was very different that it is today. And it had very little to do with how much or how little clothes the girl was wearing or how much "boys will be boys".

We don't live in the 1960's anymore. "Good girls" who watch from their dorm windows, "bad girls" who get too drunk at frat parties, it doesn't matter who you are, consent is consent and too drunk to give it means NO. The "girls should know better" attitude is plain and ugly victim-blaming and "boys being boys" statement is indicative of a much larger problem in our society.

Ms. Amiel's says that"In a normal society, the girl’s mother would have locked her up for a week and all boys present would have been suspended from school and their beloved football team." This statement is so misguided and indicative of the pervasiveness of rape-culture in our world as to make one feel hopeless and/or want to slam their heads onto their desks, present company included.WHAT kind of normal society is she talking about? One where boys can drag around a helpless girl (whether or not she is the master of that helplessness), finger her repeatedly (and YES, that is RAPE), urinate on her helpless body, laugh about it with their buddies who clearly know WHAT RAPE IS (that video is 12:29 minutes that are now burned into my memory forever) and then continue to enjoy their celebrity football star status with a mere slap on the wrist? One where the girl, THE VICTIM OF THIS CRIME, should be locked up for a week? What for? To learn her lesson? So her mother can school her on how to be a "good girl" from now on? Please Ms. Amiel, wake up and smell the 21st Century. The Internet is forever, someone will videotape you doing stupid, (criminal) shit and women and girls of all ages are not going to let the popular boys get away with the same sexual shenanigans of the past. So yes, the landscape has changed here and no longer are we sweeping high school or college frat party antics gone awry under the carpet of "Shush now, you don't want to ruin your reputation and marriageability now do you?".

A young girl was raped, her rapists were caught, tried and are being punished for their crime. Would anyone have done or wanted anything less had Jane Doe been their daughter? I think not.

2. Toronto Mayor Tom Ford's alleged inappropriate sexual comments to Sarah Thomson.

I am pretty certain that we have all been in this situation at some point in our adult lives. A corporate function, an open bar, spouses not in attendance and everyone having a good time. Someone says something inappropriate, a butt gets grabbed, a comment gets made that makes someone uncomfortable, and for the most part, usually there is some awkward laughing-off of the comment or incident or a more sober person takes the offender or offended away from the situation for a cup of coffee and/or an escort to their hotel room.

This time though, Sarah Thomson did not laugh it off. She tweeted about it. Which in our day and age (again, the 21st Century) is a very commonplace thing to do. In hindsight, should she have taken Mayor Ford aside and said, "Hey, I know you've had a bit to drink, but what you just said and did made me feel very uncomfortable."? Maybe. Would it have made a difference? We will never know.

What I find appalling about Ms. Amiel's commentary about this incident is her opinion of sexual harrasment as a whole. A term she says was invented in the 1970s and one "that ought to have been strangled at birth." WHAT? Because women in the workplace or at corporate  or political functions should be subjected to inappropriate touching, suggestive comments, drunk dudes just "being one of the guys" again? No thanks, I choose to thank my lucky stars for Catherine MacKinnon and what she did for the women's movement in "inventing" the words to describe and make illegal this kind of behaviour, mainly towards women.

I remember distinctly a point in my career when I thought I was being groomed for a management role. I was at a regional sales meeting at a gorgeous hotel in the mountains and I was being invited to sit at upper management tables, to meet with the marketing teams from head office and was feeling really good about myself and my future within this company. On the night of our big wrap-up celebration, I was invited to one of my managers hotel suites for some pre-party drinks, with what I assumed was a group of other sales reps. What I walked into was something completely different. I entered a room of about 5-7 men, all in managerial positions (ie, above my pay-grade), all of whom had been drinking already, and who where taking turns getting photos taken with a full sized blow-up sex doll. I was the only woman in the room. I think that a few of them saw how inappropriate this was, but most just continued to laugh it off as I was offered a drink and a photo-op. I declined both and left the room. A few hours later once the outdoor tent celebration was in full sling, I headed out to the porta-potties. I was followed, and once in the tiny pee booth, two people started shaking and trying to tip the unit. I pulled up my pants as quickly as I could and burst out of the door screaming a stream of expletives that I thought were aimed at fellow (drunk) team members. What I was not prepared for was to see that it was in fact my Regional Sales Manager and the Regional Accounts Manager, both of whom where in that suite earlier in the evening, who were the perpetrators. Again, I was angry and offended and just walked it off. In the sober light of the morning, I was taken aside by my immediate manager and told NOT TO SAY A WORD TO ANYONE about what had happened the night before.

Was I sexually harassed by these men? I think so. It wasn't a typical ass grab and sexual innuendo kind of harrassement that we associate with an episode of Mad Men (or perhaps a political event in Toronto), but I do believe that this kind of behaviour created an intimidating, hostile and offensive work environment for me. I was not sad, nor surprised, to see most of this management team leave the company within the year.

I wish I could go back to that time, be as strong as I am now and have had the courage to say, GUYS, this is NOT OK! I know that they would have probably brushed it off or accused me of not having a sense of humour and not being capable of taking a joke, but I also wonder how many other women felt the same way that I did and no one EVER said anything. Maybe they too were told to keep their mouths shut - with the implied "or else" hanging at the end of that statement.

Ms Amiel says that "The same action that is generally welcome from a person you like is sexual harassment from one you don’t." And she is absolutely correct in this. The key word in the legal definition of sexual harassment is UNWELCOME. If you are a consenting participant in a conversation of a sexual nature, regardless of how offensive or objectionable it is, that is not sexual harassment. I do believe that Ms. Amiel's comments make it very clear what era she grew up in and spent a good part of her career in, another 'Good Ol' Boys' club, where you just accepted that slap on the ass and smiled pretty. Once again, 'tis the dawn of a new era, and if we are all to lean-in a little more these days, we must also lean-ON this kind of behaviour in workplaces and professional settings so as to make them welcoming for all.

3. Professor Tom Flanagan's remarks that private viewing of child pornography is an issue of personal liberty and "doesn't really hurt anyone".

{Deep breath} This is a tough topic for me. I am a mother of two beautiful young children; I was sexually assaulted by both a trusted neighbour and a favourite teacher when I was a child; and without getting into details that would hurt people that I love, the topic of child pornography is a sensitive one for me.

It is very hard to look at this issue from a censorship and personal liberty perspective when the words that proceed those are CHILD and PORNOGRAPHY. The point being made by Ms. Amiel and Mr. Flanagan, is that the viewers of child pornography are not hurting anyone. They are simply viewing "squalid pictures" on their internet connections in the privacy of their own homes.

No, no they are not. These child pornography voyeurs are the end user of a supply and demand system much like any other. The pictures they are looking at are pictures and videos of children, some of them extremely young children, being abused, being sexualized, being used for their tiny little bodies. They are paying for these pictures, they are funding an industry that relies on the exploitation and abuse of our youngest citizens all for the simple "private viewing" of others.  I don't think so.

Ms Amiel says that "You cannot end a disease by arresting the infected." and she may be right. But I know a bit about infectious diseases and I know that the earlier an infection is caught and treated, the less likely it is going to invade further and cause even more damage to the system. How slippery a slope is it to go from viewing child pornography, to taking pictures of kids yourself, to luring them via the internet, to straight up sexual abuse and pedophilia? I don't know that this is a straight line or a natural progression of this particular disease, but I do know that I don't want to wait around and let the infected ride out their contamination to find out.

Is harsher sentencing for possession of child pornography the cure here? Is it more counselling and some kind of rehabilitation? Again, I don't know. Just don't go telling me that looking at a few pictures of naked kids, forced to do grown-up things they have no understanding of, for the pleasure of GROWN UPS on the Internet doesn't hurt anyone. What if that was a picture or video of your kidnapped or abused or lured child that your friendly neighbour was getting off to every night in the privacy of his own home? How far would your defence of the sanctity of one's civil liberties extend to then?

....................

I propose to Ms. Amiel that it is not that our sexual landscape is riddled with landmines, it is that our sexual landscape has changed. The tectonic plates have shifted us out of the Pangaea (or Patriarchy) that was, where women and children were seen as possessions and things, into the Present Day world we live in today. A world where everyone has a voice, everyone has a right to be respected and have their bodies respected as well. No, we have not created an anything-goes sexual society. We have just stopped sweeping all the nasties under the rug, turning a blind eye to it all and we have EVOLVED as a species.

Or at least some of us have.

natasha~

Image source: Kevin M. Gill on Flickr

An interview with Lesléa Newman: Feminism, diversity, freedom

Last night, my husband and I watched the movie, Jeff, Who Lives at Home.  It is a poignant little film that explores the concept that everything happens for a reason, something that I have long believed in myself. A few weeks ago, I got an email inviting me to interview Lesléa Newman before her upcoming Visiting Lectureship in Human Rights at the University of Alberta. I'll be honest, I did not know who she was before receiving this email. An extensive google search and a visit to the library changed all of that and then I got VERY excited about this opportunity!

Lesléa Newman is a prolific writer, poet, and human rights activist. She is the author of over 60 books and edited collections including the groundbreaking children’s book Heather Has Two Mommies, the first children’s book to portray lesbian families in a positive way, and the award-winning short story A Letter to Harvey Milk.

As equal marriage is enshrined across North America, the struggle for LGBT rights will shift from fighting unjust laws, to building an inclusive, LGBT-friendly culture. This work begins with our children, in our nation’s great libraries and classrooms. For several decades, Lesléa has been building the foundations of this inclusive culture. She has published board books, children's books, poetry for teens and short stories for adults. She introduces lesbian and gay characters into her kids books in a completely organic way, without being didactic or heavy-handed.

Lesléa’s poetry and short stories are loved by older audiences too. Her latest, the Stonewall Honour Book October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard, is a poem cycle commemorating Matthew Shepard's impact in the years since his tragic murder. Last year, A Letter To Harvey Milk was adapted for the stage at the New York Musical Theatre Festival. A student of Allen Ginsberg, she is now a professor at Spalding University's brief-residency MFA where she teaches writing for children and young adults.

As intimidated as I was interviewing a writer with over 60 published books to her name, I was so thrilled to do it and am excited to share our exchange with all of you.

....................

NC. Your upcoming talk is titled "It takes a village to raise an activist". Without giving away all of the lecture, what does this mean? Is there a way to be or raise an activist, without conjuring up the image of someone being militant on their stance on important issues and turning people away from the issue versus towards finding a solution and common ground?

LN. Being an activist means being active in the world, taking a stand for what you believe is right, and more often than not, joining with others who share your vision, and standing on the shoulders of those who came before you. Activism can be extremely effective and every single one of us can make a difference. There is a South African provberb that says, "if you believe that one person cannot make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito in the room." I think that's absolutely true.

NC. What does being a feminist mean to you? And what would you say to women who back away from that word for fear of its negative (militant) connotations or to those who feel that it leaves one with a chip on her shoulder?

LN. I grew up in the golden years of feminism. I still remember when the first issue of Ms. Magazine was published! Specifically, I was very active in the feminist publishing and bookstore movement, and would not have a career without it. I have always loved this quote about feminism, attributed to Rebecca West: “I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” I am proud of being a feminist, and truly baffled by those, especially women, who don't embrace the term.

NC. How important do you think it is having books like Heather has Two Mommies or Donovan's Big Day in school libraries and available to all kids, not just those with same sex parents?

LN. I think HEATHER and DONOVAN are important to have available to any child, teacher, or family, who wants to be inclusive in his or her reading and/or teaching in the same way that I think children, families, and teachers of all races should read about people of all races. Our planet is diverse and there is great beauty in that diversity. Wouldn't it be great if we all celebrated one another?

NC. You write for such a wide age span, from children's books, to YA, to adult fiction. How easy is it to flow from writing for one audience to the next and know just how to reach each of them?

LN. When I sit down to start something new, I never know if it's going to be something for young children, teens or adults. I also never know if it's going to be poetry or prose. I don't find any difference in the process--writing is writing and I'm always happy and grateful when something worthwhile comes out of my pen.

NC. As a writer (and fellow activist) I have to ask... What keeps you going? How do you keep the creative juices flowing for your writing and keep fighting the good fight as an activist as well?

LN. I keep writing because I'm happier writing than not writing. When the great cellist Pablo Casals was asked when he was in his nineties why he still practiced every day, he said, "Because I think I might be improving." I never know, when I sit down to write, if I am going to write my best work on any given day. What I do know is, I'm not going to write anything if I don't sit down and pick up my pen (and yes, I still do write with a pen). So curiosity keeps me going. As for activisim, outrage, frustration, and sadness keep me going. And hope of course. As Emma Lazarus said, "None of us is free until all of us are free." I look forward to the day when all of us are free.

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I will be attending Lesléa's lecture this week at the University of Alberta and I encourage you to as well. Everything really does happen for a reason. Her words have inspired me already and this was just a few questions that we exchanged over email! I can't wait to hear her speak in person and be even more motivated to continue my personal growth as an feminist, a human rights activist and a writer.

I too look forward to the day when all of us are free to be who we are, no holds barred!

natasha~

keep calm and carry on

I started writing something last night and three hours in my husband had to stop me because I had started weeping. It was the kind of crying where the tears are like a leaking faucet and they just don't stop. It wasn't pretty. I am not sure what triggered this kind of response from me. Perhaps it was the culmination of a long and trying week. Maybe it was PMS. Might have been the 2, 4, 6, shot I don't know, but look at the mess I am in.... {Sorry, couldn't help myself.}

In the end, I kept the post. It's one for the private vault. Just for me, to read again when I need that kind of purge. The problem is that all day I have been analyzing my feelings about it and keep coming back to this part.

I have moments lately where I look at myself and I wonder if I really do know myself. Do I know what my purpose in life is and am I living that fully? How exactly am I making my mark?

A lot of questions I know. Yes, I am a mother and I am making my mark by moulding the minds of these two little people in my care, and that is the single greatest (and scariest) responsibility and privilege in my life. Perhaps it is because I am not as young as I used to be and that feeling of “Go forth and DO something BIG and meaningful” seems to be slipping away as the years go by. Maybe this is a normal kind of thing that happens to people when our own parents die. We see their lives, their regrets, the things that they wish they had done differently and wonder if we too will be on our death beds, asking for forgiveness, wishing we had done more, trying to find peace, hoping it was all enough.

For some crazy reason, lately I feel like I am not doing that something big and meaningful that I am supposed to be doing. There is a floundering feeling floating around me and it really, really sucks. I feel like it is keeping me from being me, and also keeping me away from friends and those who care about me because I can't handle the simple questions of how I am and what I am doing now.

Tonight I read this post from Katherine Stone and her words struck me deeply.

Thinking you need to be a hero or change the world or make great strides or save lives or revolutionize things sounds impossible. Those things seem like things only special people, only heroes can do. You’re not fearless like that! To be fierce, though, sometimes all you have to do is limp across.

I think with this new space of mine, I put some rather high expectations on myself and I am afraid that I am disappointing not only you, my readers, but also myself. I am not though, am I? I forgot for a few minutes who I am and who I write for. I don't write posts for brands or sponsors or reviews of this or that. I don't write controversial posts just for pageviews (trust me on that one). I write for me. I write for connection with you. I write as a way to do that meaningful something or other.

This space is a work in progress. As am I. And as such, I am giving myself a break. No, not from writing. From expecting to write huge feminist manifestos and diatribes about how far we have come and how much farther we still have to go. I am giving myself a break from feeling like I have to somehow be a hero and save the world from itself.

So like the story in Katherine's post, I am going to limp my way forward into this and along the way, I know that my purpose, my raison d'etre will reveal itself.

I think I just need to take a few breaths and calm the f^*k down a bit first.

{BIG deep breath}

natasha~