Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #16.
This week has been a BU-SY one in the online feminist world. I've read some things that have made me want to pull my hair out, others that had me on the brink of waving my Diversity Bingo card (I didn't) and even more that has made me want to actually jump up and yell. YES!! THIS!! DAMNIT!
In case you haven't already guessed, you're getting the latter in today's edition of Feminist Fare Friday.
Enjoy!
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1. Laci Green is a very candid, very outspoken, and very refreshing (if sometimes shockingly) frank vlogger and peer sex educator. She hosts a video series on Youtube called SEX+ and her recent video on sexual objectification is a must watch.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4dPB9MVS8&feature=share&list=PLTXiNEUzXWKTfNYKThSk-kmJdf7AJRP5K[/youtube]
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2. Sometimes when I read something, I start judging within the first few sentences if I am going to like it or not (just call me Judgey-McJudgerson-it's been done before) and to be honest, I really was not sure about this one. A married with no-kids 30-something takes a week off work to try out being a "housewife". This one has to be taken with a grain (barrel) of white-middle-class-cisgender-privilege, but she does manage to pull it together in the end. At least that is what this "housewife" thinks. And for the record, if anyone ever refers to me as a housewife, I will throat-punch them.
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3. Another day. Another article written about the {online} feminism wars and how toxic it all is for everyone. Le GRAND SIGH!
While processing this latest iteration and scrolling through the reactions online, another of my favourite vloggers, Jay Smooth of Ill Doctrine, started retweeting tweets from Latoya Peterson. And then he Storify'd her timeline because she was saying some REALLY, really amazing things that I hope many, MANY people were able to read and really digest. EVERYTHING that she tweeted yesterday, made me think about what it is that I am trying to do as a feminist/activist and for that I thank her!
P.S. I think the tweets above probably work in all kinds of situations. And then I found this gem from the late, great Pete Seeger.
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4. File this one under "mansplaining". A man's critique of the #365feministselfie project, has blown UP the closed Facebook group that was created to celebrate and share all our images of ourselves. And while a lot of us have tried to respond to this dude (and to Babble-which pains me to give them the traffic-Grrrr....), the comments on his post are being heavily moderated. So what's a gal to do? Write a poem? Look up a new writer to discuss? Um. NO. One writes a post. Thanks to Darlena at Paretwin for this piece for the Babble dad who thinks he gets to tell us how to DO feminism properly!
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5. And finally, something that continues to boggle my mind. Gendered products. Trust me, I still get sucked into this marketing madness just as much as the next person. Yesterday, while talking to my kids about colouring, I told L she could use "boy" colours. Immediately C, my seven year old son, corrected me and said, "Mom, there is no such thing as "boy" colours." GAH! Yes, kid, you are so right! So, while I hang my head in shame and without further ado.... 21 things that really do not need to be gendered.
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Kung Hei Fat Choy Everyone! Happy Year of the Horse.
natasha~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #15
I am calling this week's (return of) Feminist Fare Friday, "Things I Wish I had Written or Recorded". All of these incredible women have beautiful voices (written and spoken) and I am happy to say that most of them I can call friend (some IRL, some of the internet kind and some I hope to one day meet and befriend).
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1. First up is this fabulous post by Shannon at The Radical Housewife. Seems I am not the only one who got struck with the too busy to blog bug over the holidays. Luckily Shannon was able to sum up all the shenanigans that happened, especially on Twitter, and managed to wrap it all up in a "how to be a white lady feminist and not stick your foot in it" pretty sparkly bow!
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2. I think most of us bloggers have developed somewhat of a tough skin. We kind of have to in this realm where we put "it" out there for all to read and expect a certain amount of discourse, the good and the bad. For the most part it is easy to ignore the "haters" and use the delete button with impunity when someone comes into our space and spouts off. Every once in a while though, a button gets pushed and one has to respond. This week Avital at The Mamafesto got her button pushed and she responded in the most wonderful and brilliant way. 'Cause that's how she rolls, yo! (And her kid is pretty darn awesome too!)
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3. In the last FFF post, I wrote about my friend Joanne Minaker doing her debut TEDx talk last month at TEDx Garneau Women and the video is finally up on Youtube and the TEDx site. You can also read more from Joanne about her new endeavours to create a Care*Full world. And I am with you lady! I am so proud to call you my friend and an incredible example of how to truly practice what one preaches.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/DRUPRF5SnxE[/youtube]
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4. Of course I do not know Chimamamda Adichie, but in my mind, I think we would be great friends. And I needed to hear this from my imaginary author/story teller/feminist friend this week. The Single Story. Really think about this. Think about how much we judge everyone around us based on the singular story that we know about them and how much harm this does to us all...
[youtube]http://youtu.be/D9Ihs241zeg[/youtube]
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*Bonus Recommendation - "The Motherload". This new documentary from the CBC is a brutally honest look at what the reality is for working mothers in North America in the 21st century. From trying to "have it all" to barely getting by, it profiles Canadian and American women from different walks of life navigating the expectations of everyone around them. The question is, at what cost?
Seriously, please take 30 minutes out of your day and watch it. One particular quote from the show really hit home for me:
"...in the feminist fight for equality, something was left out of the equation: children."
Have a wonderful weekend everyone,
Natasha~
Operation Hermit
I saw this meme on Facebook the other day and thought about how perfect it was for how I am feeling lately.
I may not be hermiting (yes, I made it a verb) in the truest sense of the word, as I can't seem to stay away from the mall and/or Anthropologie when it is "Extra 25% off" day, but I am spending a lot of my time by myself, with myself and on myself. Or with my family or my dog.
Most people who meet me think that I am an extrovert. The life of the party, the loud, obnoxious one, the social butterfly. I am not going to lie, I love a room full of people. Conversations buzzing, laughter erupting, everyone connecting and sharing and coming together. That kind of energy is wonderful and contagious and I get caught up in it and I usually come down with an acute case of extrovertedness at these times. Promises of "we should do this more often" are made and "let's go for coffee" is said more times than I can count. And then I go home, take some Advil, have a good rest and after a few days of social media love bombs back and forth to everyone, am fully recovered from said attack. I return to my hermit cave (real or virtual) and retreat into myself and my little life and I feel safe. I feel unencumbered, happy to just be folding laundry or reading a book or playing Candy Crush, or doing all the mundane little things that make up my daily life.
My first assignment for the Year or Writing course that I am taking was to write down 20 ideas. It's harder than it sounds, trust me! One of my ideas for an essay or post or poem or something, was this statement:
Alone is freeing.
Maybe it is because I am a mom and being truly alone is often times a luxury. Maybe it is because I come from a family of four kids and I didn't grow up knowing a lot of alone time. And maybe alone is a way to not have to deal with a lot of the often nasty, mean, and bewildering world around me. Whatever the reason, I find being alone, with my thoughts, or with no thoughts, a very peaceful, soul {re}filling, calming way to be. When I am alone, I feel free. Free to figure out what going on in my head and in my heart and free of all the things in life that sometimes weigh me down.
My favourite moment in my days right now is right after I drop the kids off at school. I then head to the dog park with Willow and at that time of day, we are often the first ones there. It is an especially peaceful place right now, in the middle of winter; white and grey, somewhat bleak, not a soul in sight and all I hear is the crunching of my boots on the trail, the running of four legs zipping by me at top speed, and the intermittent knock-knock-knocking of the local woodpecker trying to find his breakfast. I find myself breathing deeper, walking taller and appreciating this space and time away from everything and everyone more and more every day. I like to think of it as my daily moment of meditation. Me, Mother Nature and my puppy, all together in that moment and yet all alone.
It's not that I don't want to see my friends or be around people. Quite the opposite really, I love being around people. I just like being around people and pretending that I am doing so enclosed in some kind of bubble. I can see and hear everyone around me, but I don't necessarily have to interact with anyone. I can immerse myself in my book or my laptop or in eavesdropping on strangers conversations, while still feeling like I am part of the world. I do this bubble thing a lot. I think it is probably a bit of a coping mechanism. I can truly enjoy a trip to a busy mall or to Costco or the grocery store with two kids in tow, because I enclose all of us in the bubble and continue on like no one else is around and we have the place all to ourselves. I liken this bubble strategy to that scene in a movie when a couple falls in love or has a big dance/kissing scene and everything and everyone else just fades away and the music swells and nothing else matters. If you ever see me out and about and I am in "the bubble", I probably won't see you until you come up really close and actually pop it. I will then be a bit disoriented and likely forget your name and say something particularly stupid and incoherent and then walk away from you while you try to figure out why I am being such a bitch? It's not you, I promise, it's just me readjusting to the sudden shift in air pressure outside of my hermit-bubble. It takes a few minutes... Expect a text later with an apology for my flightiness.
Last week I had lunch with a friend that I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice. She is a really wonderful woman, someone I admire and a truly gifted artist. It's sometimes funny how life works. People come into your life when you need them the most and I didn't know it at the time, but I really needed to spend some time with this person. I feel like she gets me on a different level than my other (younger) friends. We talked about this "hermit-ness" that both of us sometimes do and decided that we needed to have a club for all of us "Closet Introverts". After lunch, as I thought about this a bit more, I realized the irony of this plan.
Here's the thing. I know who my friends are. I know that no one is sitting around saying, "Damn, that Natasha is sure being a bitch for not calling me or making an effort lately!". I know that if anyone IS thinking that, then they are likely not really my friend. My friends know that I need to be a hermit now and then in order to get my brain to work properly. My friends know that a true connection is not based on the amount of hours spent together. Like anything really meaningful in life, I firmly believe that friendship is a quality versus quantity thing.
So you know what Internet Meme, NO, I am NOT being a bad friend lately, I am being a really GOOD friend to myself. I am giving myself what I need to live a wholehearted life and what I need right now is to be a really AWESOME hermit! And I thank every one of my true friends for letting me do that and for never judging me for it.
In gratitude,
natasha~
P.S. (Update) Look what I found tonight! I do love that Audrey Hepburn gal.
let it go
I feel like a 10 year old girl signing the song from the movie Frozen over and over in my head.
"Let it go, Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore..."
It's true, I am pushing myself this year. I am going to find my stories. I am going to let them go, I am going to let them OUT. I am going to let them flow onto the page/screen/notebook/sketchpad in any way they want. I am letting go of the {self-imposed} rules that say I can only write about certain things or from one perspective and that I am not a true artist.
"I don't care,
what their going to say..."
I have taken steps to unleash this power within myself and no, I am not building ice castles on the top of mountains. But then again, maybe I am? Maybe my castle is a manifesto, a poem, a novel, a children's book, a watercolour painting... something just waiting to be released from the storm inside my head.
"It's time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break thru,
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I'm Free."
I don't feel any fear right now. I know a lot of people who are taking these steps with me are afraid. Afraid that their writing is crap, that they won't be able to live a wholehearted life, that they are not {insert whatever it is you think you are not enough of here} enough.
Maybe it's because Idina Menzel has been singing in my ears for the last 15 minutes straight, maybe I am just done with being scared and feeling little, and maybe its just time to really just let it all go.
Let go of other's expectations of me, let go of what I think others expect of me...
I know it is time to let go of my fears,
of constant comparison to others,
of feelings of jealousy,
of trying to be something or someone I am not,
of feeling inadequate in my own head and heart and body.
I am enough. Heck, I am MORE than enough. I am ME and I have things to say, words to write, a whole-hearted life to live.
You can come with me on this journey if you would like. You may not like parts of this journey and you may LOVE other parts too. I suspect I'll feel the same way. I am also packing light for this one. All baggage is either being left behind or being put down on the page.
I am not looking to write the perfect book or poem or essay or to paint the perfect watercolour painting. I am looking to unleash the creative me that is pounding away inside of me, screaming to be let OUT! The one that keeps being pushed back by that voice {you know the one} that tells me I am no good at this.
It really is time to slam the door on that voice and listen to another one. Tonight, Idina/Elsa is working for me. This is gonna be one AMAZING mountain top ice castle!
"Let it go, let it go, that perfect girl is gone.
Here I stand, in the light of day,
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway."
[youtube]http://youtu.be/iEKLFS-aKcw[/youtube]
<3,
N~
One month later....
December was a weird month for me. I had days of feeling complete and utter joy, followed by days of WHAT the HELL is going on?
The internet and the things that I concern myself while on it were making me feel... essentially, NOT good.
So I took a bit of a break. It wasn't really an intentional one, but in the end, it was one that I needed.
I have a lot more to say about all of it and what 2014 holds for me, but it's midnight and I'd like to get to bed.
I'll leave you with the beginnings of one of the projects I am participating in...
The #365feministselfie challenge! Veronica at Viva La Feminista came up with this brilliant idea and she has inspired women all over the world to take up the challenge. Won't you join us?
I am posting my daily selfies primarily to my Instagram account, but will do a weekly or monthly update here too.
Here I am this past week. Filters, no filters, waking up 42, folding laundry, making out with my fake chef boyfriend, "cleaning" my desk and intensely embracing my soccer-mom role, oh, and yes, the one with me in my 'kicky' new apron too. This is not your mama's feminism folks!
Goodnight my lovelies,