I was robbed...

... of my online space that is.

 

A few weeks ago, my home on the interwebz was broken into, and instead of taking shit, like 'normal' thieves do, these criminals left a whole bunch of NASTY stuff behind.

And all of the nasty made a REALLY BIG MESS and got my site 'black-listed' on the Googles!

Oh the Shame!

(Seriously, it sounds so damn ominous and cold war-ish. I feel like one of the Hollywood Ten. OK, not really, but seeing a big red screen shot saying your site is DANGEROUS every day for two week sucks big time and makes you feel awful and really mad that someone has taken away something kind of important in your life.)

Now given that I am no web genius by any means, I reached out to the universe (aka Twitter) and pleaded for help.

I have to give a huge shout out to @danaditomaso and @jkparker for coming to my rescue and being the geniuses that they are. They both gave selflessly of their time/expertise and helped get me and my little website out of this NASTY jam.

And on that note, I have a few reminders for everyone:

1. Keep your site(s) updated to the latest version and free from clutter (like unused plug-ins and such).

2. Change your passwords periodically and make them really, REALLY hard for anyone to guess or figure out (use upper and lower case letters, numbers and symbols).

3. Be nice to your IT friends, always!!!

Now, I have a back log of posts that are mostly in my head right now, but once I can get some alone time I will get working on them and get some posted as soon as I can.

Thanks for sticking around.

Cheers all,

Natasha~

Photo credit: devdsp on Flickr 

Why 50 Shades is good for you.

I caved. BIG TIME.

I had heard about it a few months ago, but didn't really buy into the hype.

I mean, it's not like I was a stranger to erotic fiction. I was reading The Story of O and Ann Rice's (writing as Ann Rampling) Sleeping Beauty Trilogy way before women all over North America started googling BDSM and realizing that a full bladder equals a bloody amazing orgasm!

So, YES. I have now read all three of the Shades of Grey books and I am not ashamed to say that I thoroughly devoured and enjoyed all of them.

Today I read a post on the Yummy Mummy Club site by Kat Armstrong, their new Celebritease writer in which she ponders this "mommy porn" phenomenon...

"But there's something about this book.... that keeps drawing women in, but I completely don't get it. I don't understand how poorly written erotic fiction is turning so many of you on in a major way. I don't understand how you're not embarrassed by seeing every other mum wandering around with a copy of this or the other two books in the series. I don't understand why you don't just watch porn.

I just do not understand the appeal."

So I thought I would enlighten her and a few others out there on why I think Ms. James and her irresistible characters have enthralled a whole section of the population.

My first point is a direct answer to her "Why don't you just watch porn?" statement. 

Because we are women. Plain and simple really. For most of us, sex, fantasy, romanticism, erotica, and all of that... it happens in our minds. I realize that this is a generalization, but one that I am fairly confident about. I guarantee you that if my mind is aroused, anticipating what is going to happen, seeing the whole scene in the safe and private screening room that is my imagination, then I am pretty much a sure thing. Whereas watching a perfectly shaved, busty blonde, doing her faked version of a mind-blowing orgasm on the screen of my laptop via YouPorn, meh... it seems to me that this takes all the fun out of it! {Not that I have ever done this of course}. I am no expert on this, but I am pretty sure that for most women our biggest erogenous zone is our mind!

We are not guys. Most women are not hard-wired for sex at any minute the way guys are. Need to test this? Try a little experiment for me...

If you are sitting beside your significant other and reading this right now, stop reading. Tell him you want to have sex RIGHT NOW. It's OK. I will wait till you get back.

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See, they can't really say no and can be ready in an instant. Whereas women need more of a warm up. We need to stretch before we work out! And if reading a few chapters of Christian and Anastasia's latest antics in the playroom serve as a good stretch for your imagination and this is going to make you more ready and willing for a good romp, then I say go for it. You wouldn't want to pull a muscle or something now would  you?

What exactly is the appeal of the Christian/Anasatasia relationship and why do we care?

Okay. Now most of this is just my theory, so don't shoot me if you don't agree. Let's just think of this as Book Club and we are having a discussion about the themes in the book. So here goes...

We all want to be Ana. Smart, sassy, young, pretty, perky boobs (oh, to have perky boobs again!!) and her whole life ahead of her. I don't have these statistics, but I would take a guess that the majority of women reading 50 Shades are not 22-year-old college graduates. They are 35-50 year old women who have kids and careers and husbands and mortgages and car pools and PTA meetings and probably can't remember if they actually had a shower today or not. We escape into Ana for a time and get to pretend that we are all that she is and none of the other stuff. This is not a bad thing and being able to feel what the protagonist is feeling is in my opinion, one of the hallmarks of a good read.

And we all want Christian. I don't care who you are, you can be the hard-core feminist or the devoted housewife (or both really), but no woman among us can resist the tortured soul. It is that ever-present romantic notion that love will conquer all. In 50 Shades, that love just happens to be peppered with a rather decadent dose of what Ana so aptly called "kinky fuckery". And really, who couldn't use a little bit more of that in their love lives?

That is really it on the surface, we all want to be her, we all want to be taken care of by him (in ALL ways) and we all want to FIX him. To be perfectly honest, I am still mulling over the Christian/Ana dynamic and have a few more thoughts on it. I think it could be further delved into and discussed as it applies to a lot of relationship issues, especially those of control, insecurity and trust... food for thought for a future post maybe.

It really is just a love story. And who doesn't root for the girl to get the boy in the end and for everyone to live happily ever after?

The third point I want to make is about the writing itself. 

Now I haven't made a point to read a lot of different reviews about the books themselves, but suffice it to say that the general consensus is that Ms. James' writing is not that great.

Hmmm.... maybe my tastes are not that sophisticated, because I didn't think it was that bad for a first time author. Was it a particularly intricate read? No, it was not. Did I start to roll my eyes a bit at the constant references to Ana's 'Inner Goddess' and 'Subconscious' as if they were characters in the story? Yes, that got a bit tired. But all in all, I didn't put down the book at any time and say to myself, "Oh my god, this writing is atrocious, I can't read anymore of this!"

I would like to say this though. 50 Shades was originally written as fan fiction based on the Twilight series. Twilight, the series written about a high school student and a bunch of vampires that has been read by moms the world over. The Hunger Games trilogy is another young adult series written for teenagers about teenagers forced to fight for the pleasure of others. All of these books are written for a young adult audience, and yet here we are all reading them and we are FAR from the young adult phase of our lives.

Why is this?

Well, I have one theory. I don't know about you, but for the last five and a half years, I have read A LOT of books. Books that rhyme, books that make no sense, books that have farting dogs, and bats that live with birds, and birds wanting to drive buses and dinosaurs paying hockey and silly cats who think they are dogs. I have read books over and over and over again, to the point that I can recite them now without even looking at the pages. Because that is what you do when you have kids, you read to them, you let them use their imaginations and see the words and pictures from their books come alive right in front of them and through you.

And if your first years of parenthood have been anything like mine, you rarely have time to delve into a really good book that is just for you, let alone finish one! So, in comes some YA (young adult) fiction. Are these books easy to read? Yes, they are. Do they take you away and give you an escape from the hum-drum of diapers and midnight feedings and potty training? They sure do. This is not a bad thing Mamas. If reading a book, any book that has more words than pictures in it, and one that can give you a half an hour or if you are really lucky, an hour to yourself, I say go for it. Who cares if it was written for a 17-year-old. If you really think about it, some of the greatest books in history are considered young adult fiction. Consider The Catcher in the Rye, The Outsiders, To Kill a Mockingbird and Great Expectations, just to name a few.

{Disclaimer - the '50 Shades' books are NOT for anyone under the age of 25 in my opinion!}

Now back to 50 Shades of Grey for my final point to explain the appeal.

I was at a dinner party a few weeks ago and the conversation turned to the books. My friend's husband was arguing the 'why don't you just watch porn' angle and also saying that the books where stupid because it is not like all these housewives and moms where going to go out and try all the BDSM stuff that is in the book, so what is the point.

I bit my tongue that night and did not say much in mixed company, but here is the point. Having kids and careers and busy lives sometimes makes for nights when it's an effort just to get to bed at the same time, let alone be awake enough for some sexy time. Add in co-sleeping, night-time parenting and the fear of scarring your children forever if they walk in on you getting busy, well, the time for spontaneity in your sex life often goes out the window and finding and turning on your libido can end up last on your very long to-do list. If reading some erotic fiction gets your blood boiling and lights a fire in the otherwise dry twigs that constitute your loins these days, then READ ON MAMAS!! I am not saying you have to go and get yourself all trussed up on a wheel and whipped with a riding crop, but a blindfold and a few silk scarves could do wonders for any bedroom experience... It is your imagination ladies, spurred on by a few words on paper! Use this and get it on again with those hot men you made babies with and once upon a time couldn't keep your hands off of!!

All I have to say is this...

Don't knock it till you try it {or in this case read it} folks!

You and very likely your partner too will be glad that you did!

Laters baby,

;)

N~

stealth attack

It hit without warning. A small dot on my chest that felt a little tight.

And then it got bigger.

And bigger.

And then I started to breathe a little faster. And shorter.

I managed to get the kids dressed and fed before it hit me full force.

But come it did...

And then BAM!

There I was, hunched over my desk, sobbing and hyperventilating uncontrollably...

And having the first FULL ON anxiety attack I have had in over 15 years.

My poor little girl just looked at me and said "Mommy, what is wrong with you?"

I didn't have an answer for her.

I somehow managed to pull myself together long enough to get the kids to school. I did not talk to anyone for fear that the flood gates would not hold if I so much as opened my mouth.

I lost it again when I got back in the car, drove out of the school parking lot, pulled over again, called a friend and tried to let it all out.

I did make it to the gym, had another ugly cry with a good friend and then had an hour to focus on something else for a bit...the burning in my legs from jump training on the Pilates reformer and not the squeezing, breath-stealing feelings I was having in my chest. So that was good while it lasted.

Needless to say, it has been a VERY long day.

I have puffy eyes from all the tears that keep coming and don't seem to want to stop and I can't really THINK too much right now about anything without the tightness coming back a bit...

I tried to do things today that made me feel happy.

You know, the little things. Like having a long shower, putting on pretty jewelry, going to a grown-up coffee shop all by myself and getting a bang trim. Thank goodness it was a babysitter day!

Tonight I immersed myself into mindless data entry as I try to finish up all the accounting for the NUM store closure and found a soundtrack to keep my mind happy while doing it. It involved a lot of new boy band songs {think One Direction and The Wanted} interspersed with Florence and the Machine and my new favourite songstress, Ingrid Michealson.

I know I will have to face whatever it is that is making me feel like this, but first I have to figure out what exactly that is...

I kind of have an idea, but it is not completely clear just yet.

Today was a total stealth attack. No warning. Total chaos.

Tomorrow, all units are on high alert.

N~

{breastfeeding} Ignorance is not bliss.

I have been good. Really. I have.

No ranting, no attacking, no blood boiling posts written in haste.

I have applied the way more than 72 hours rule here and I feel like I can now reply to the whole TIME magazine cover photo and extended breastfeeding ridiculousness with somewhat of a level head.

But here is the thing...

I am not going to go on and on about the benefits of extended breastfeeding. You can read THIS or THIS for more on that.

I am not going to go on and on about why that particular photo of Jamie Lynn Grumet and her son was chosen for the most shock value on the cover of TIME. You can read Jamie's own words HERE.

I am not going to go on and on about what attachment parenting is and is not and if I or anyone else is MOM enough. {Psst, we all are and then some BTW!}

What I am going to do is provide some clarification on a few points. Points that have been made in some common and ignorant comments I have read on my own Facebook Page and on quite a few other blog posts and articles written on the topic since the TIME cover was revealed to the world.

Last week I posted this picture on my Natural Urban Mamas Facebook page. It is of my little L nursing and I captioned it,

"In case anyone was wondering... THIS is what a 3-year-old nursing USUALLY looks like!"

Common Ignorant Comment #1. "Get that kid a t-bone", "Why can't she drink out of a cup?", "2/3/4 year olds should be eating solid food and drinking out of a cup." And other variations on this theme.

Really people?? Do you really think that because a toddler or a child is nursing that THIS is their only source of nutrition? Wait! Maybe this is the case and this is really what people think! And perhaps this is why people are so weirded out by it. Because they have only ever seen infants nursing they just assume that if an older child is nursing, they are not actually eating other foods as well.

Okay, so let me clear this up then. Children who are nursing beyond a year are doing so IN ADDITION TO eating solid foods and drinking other liquids (water, juice and/or milk) from a sippy cup, regular cup or other implement for drinking. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure that I or most nursing moms could keep up with the nutritional demands of a busy, constantly moving and growing toddler. So YES, these babies are eating food, YES, they can drink out of a cup and NO, contrary to popular belief and a lot of comments, it really is not easier to pump some breast milk into a cup for them. It is far easier to let my daughter nurse for a few minutes, get what she needs (be that a drink of mama's milk, some comfort or just a check-in with mama) and then happily go on about her day.

Common Ignorant Comment #2: "You are doing this for your own needs, not those of your child."

This one I find interesting and I sent it out to the Twitterverse for more clarification from my peeps. Some of them agreed with the statement and others said things along these lines from @kimliving:

"I'm thinking those folks haven't watched my toddler insist on breastfeeding during those moments I'd rather not...

Here is the thing, I don't completely disagree with this statement. I do think that when the nay-sayers are spouting off this one they mean that as mothers, we are trying to extend the baby phase for our kids so that we can keep them 'little' longer. That we are avoiding the inevitable and not letting out babies grow up.

Is there an element of truth to this? Perhaps. L is my last baby. And while I love watching her grow and learn and discover new things about her world, I would be lying if I said I did not feel those tugs at my heart every time she seems to not NEED me as much anymore. That being said, I have to also say that breastfeeding her is not something that I NEED. It is something that SHE needs. She is the one who asks to nurse once or twice during the day, she is the one who crawls into my bed in the morning for our routine snuggle and nurse.

I DO NOT spend my days chasing her around saying, "Come on L, it is time to nurse now." QUITE the opposite actually, I will often deflect her requests to nurse because I simply do not want to, or because we are in a public place or I am not wearing the right kind of top or any number of other reasons I can find.

You see, I am ready for her to be done breastfeeding, but SHE is not. So continuing to nurse at this point is indeed her NEED and not mine.

But just so you know, I do happen to get a whole lot of benefits from her continuing to breastfeed, like a reduced risk of breast, ovarian and uterine cancer, protection against osteoporosis and a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease.  Not bad perks if you ask me. I'll take 'em!

Common SUPER Ignorant Comment #3: "You are psychologically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusing your child!" or "This is not normal."

I find this whole line of comments and opinions frustrating, laughable, disrespectful, mean AND SO WRONG!

There is plenty of research that shows that children who are FORCED into independence prematurely are the ones who suffer more both mentally and socially, NOT the kids whose needs are met in a warm and loving way like breastfeeding.

My children do not have an unhealthy attachment to me. They feel safe and confident to explore their worlds and know that there is always a comforting and safe place (ME) to come back to when they need to.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics,

“There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.”

And also the American Academy of Family Physicians says that the natural age of weaning in humans has been estimated to be between 2 and 7 years, and that

“There is no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child.”

These rather large bodies of medical experts can't be that far off base on something like this and I am pretty sure that they need sound research and studies to back up what they say in print.

As for the sexual abuse comments. I seriously don't even know where to start with these and I will fully admit that it was one particular comment that got me riled-up enough to write this post. This is what one young mom wrote to me... (Yes, I creeped on her FB profile to see just who would say this kind of thing. This is also a good reminder to you all to check your privacy settings!)

"After the age of 2 years old, I consider breastfeeding child abuse. All women know that when a child is suckling your nipple, you have what they call a "mini orgasms" in order to produce your milk. So after a certain age, regardless of stress, you are creating a orgasm with your child. Try going for a "bath" you will get the same destressed results."

Do you see the magnitude of the ignorance and lack of education about breastfeeding that we are up against here Mamas?

I can only assume that she was talking about the feeling of a milk 'let-down' and I don't know about you, but mine where FAR from orgasmic!! Physiologically, the same hormone (oxytocin) is involved in both a let-down and an orgasm, but that really is about as much as the two have in common.

All I can really say is that the over-sexualization of EVERYTHING in our North American society is so far gone, that I don't know if we can ever go back. We live in a world where it is more shocking for a mother to be shown breastfeeding her three-year old (in whatever position and on whatever piece of furniture required) than it is for a 4-year-old to dress up like a hooker and parade around a stage for money. Can someone please tell me how this makes sense?

In the end...

Breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, discipline, parenting, MOTHERING.

These are all highly personal decisions that we all have to make for ourselves and for our children. I just hope that we all have the strength and conviction to stand by what we decide and not let all the ignorance and sensationalism that surrounds us cloud our own judgement and confidence in ourselves.

Stay strong Mamas. Let the haters hate themselves into oblivion.  Be the example and the change you want to see. Show that to your children.  And stay on the path of LOVE.

Natasha~

My week with Big Betty: Review of the King Ranch Ford F-150

It was bound to happen. I am a born and bred, never lived anywhere else Alberta Girl.

I like {free-range, organic} beef and pork products, I enjoy a good rodeo every now and then and the thought of a man in a cowboy hat, on a horse, in a pair of tight Wrangler jeans does hold a certain raw appeal for me....

Hmmmm.

Sorry, what was I saying?

Oh yes!

So, really, it was only a matter of time before I found myself behind the wheel of something like...

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THIS!!

Meet Big Betty. Also known as the 2012 King Ranch F-150 Ford Pick-up Truck.

Now before you get all, "Um? Helloooo, Ms. Natural Urban Mama, what the heck are you doing reviewing a HUGE truck when you live in the middle of the Big City and you claim to be all about the environment?", you have to know that I chose to review this vehicle for a few different reasons.

1.  I have never driven a truck before and I thought it would be fun.
2. This particular truck has Ford's innovative EcoBoost™ engine and I wanted to see if it really is all that and a bag of chips.
3.  I have never really understood the appeal of a really big pick-up truck and wanted to get a feel for it first hand.

So what is the NUM verdict on Big Betty?

When I first pulled out of the lot with her and into traffic, my first thought was, "So this is what it must feel like to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex." BIGGER than anything else around you and suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to eat a big ol' piece of meat!

I fully admit that for that first day I was really nervous driving around in the biggest vehicle I have ever been in. But soon enough, the incredible luxury that is the King Ranch's interior and Ford's uncanny attention to detail just kind of put me at ease and if not for the fact that I was a full meter above most other vehicles on the road, I would have forgotten that I was indeed in a TRUCK!

Let's start with the interior.

The King Ranch is a SuperCrew model, which essentially means ROOMY! I am absolutely positive that you can fit 5 six-foot plus full-grown men in this truck without one of them complaining about lack of head or leg room. It also means that you can fit two preschoolers and their car seats in the back seat and they are spaced far enough apart to keep their hands completely to themselves and their little kicking feet and dirty shoes from hitting the back of the front seats too (ask my kids, this is my big car pet peeve)!

Ford really did not skimp on the luxury in this one. There is leather everywhere in this truck! The seats, the centre console, the knob on the floor shifter and yes, even the steering wheel. Add to that the stylish wood grain interior trim accents and Big Betty is one handsome lady! Right down to the fancy King Ranch logo tastefully embossed just about everywhere you can think of. And although we did not have a need for it, the one-touch 60/40 rear seats fold up to reveal a fully flat load floor for whatever you need to haul INSIDE your truck!

Another great thing about Big Betty, it that you don't have to be a 6 foot tall man to fit comfortably in the driver's seat. She has a power tilt and telescoping steering wheel, power-adjustable pedals and of course 10-way power-adjustable driver and passenger seats. And these seats can be both heated and cooled! Little ol' 5 foot 3 and 3/4 inch me found a very comfy driver setting and Big Betty memorized it for our week together.

The King Ranch of course comes standard with the Ford's voice-activated SYNC® and Navigation systems and the one essential feature that I would have been lost without, the back up camera. Seriously, I have no idea how people who drive such huge vehicles do so without one. I would have been a lot less confident in backing up and parking had Big Betty not had one of these, let's be honest, life-saving devices. Which is one of the reasons why the US Department of Transportation keeps pushing for back-up cameras to be mandatory on ALL vehicles in the near future.

In terms of Big Betty's driving performance and capabilities, like I said, she was my first truck experience and so I don't really have a good comparison. The King Ranch is equipped with Ford's 3.5L EcoBoost engine. This is what that means in car tech talk...

This direct-injection twin turbo engine delivers a best-in-class mix of torque, capability and fuel efficiency. It tows more than any competitor (up to 11,300 lbs.), hauls more (up to 3100 lbs.), gives you more torque (420 lb.-ft) and delivers best-in-class 9.0L/100 km hwy fuel efficiency. (exert from the 2012 F-150 Brochure)

And with a 136 L fuel tank what this really means is that you can tow and haul a buttload of stuff for a really LONG road trip. Like 1400 kilometers long! So you know, when you get a whim, you can drive from Edmonton to Whitehorse on one tank of gas.

I mainly drove Big Betty around the city and took her on one little road trip to my sister's place an hour outside of the city and managed to get a respectable 15.8L/100Km out of her.  I guess this is pretty good, but again, I have not driven any of the other trucks in the same class to give a fair and full comparison. I did like that I could see just how fuel-efficient I was being right there on my driver's console though, this made the, "Oh My God, I am driving a gas-guzzling beast!" feelings a little bit less front and centre.

In terms of hauling and towing and such, well, I can tell you that I do see the appeal of having a truck. You can make as many trips to IKEA as you like and never have to wonder if those damn boxes are going to fit in your car! Never again do you have to call your one friend who actually has a truck and beg him or her to help you pick up something REALLY big! And as you can see, the pickup box was a hit with the littles! And yes, it comes with what I learned from one of my contractors is affectionately called the "sissy step", or as I like to call it, damn smart thinking on Ford's part! The tailgate step along with side box steps make managing your cargo that much easier from all angles.

In the end, we were all kind of sad to say good-bye to Big Betty. The kids LOVED her and even my completely citified husband was showing her off to anyone who came by for a visit. She was their favourite review so far and yes, I will admit that it was kind of fun to drive it up to my parent's place and see the look of envy on my dad's face for that split second!

If hauling and towing and being the King of the Ranch is what you need, and you have $50,ooo.00 to spare, then the King Ranch Ford F-150 might just be the truck for you. For this Natural Urban Mama, I think I will just stick to my small, fuel-efficient, herbivore of a car and leave the T.Rex'ing for the big boys!

Happy Driving Y'all,

Natasha~

Disclaimer: Vehicle was provided to me for one week by Ford for review purposes.

mother

I asked the Mamas on my Facebook page and on Twitter to let me know in three words or less what "MOTHER" meant to them.

This is what they had to say...

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Happy Mother's Day to all of the most amazing, wonderful, inspiring Mamas EVER!!

{YES, I am talking to YOU!}

Much Love,

Natasha~

make it stop

**Trigger ALERT**

Please be aware that this post is about things that may or may not trigger deep emotions and reactions in some people, especially those with a history of Post Partum Depression. If you feel that you are not ready to read this post, please don't.

Today I am full of so many emotions, that the only way I seem to be able to cope with any of them is to kind of turn them all off and be numb. And when I do find the strength to deal with my feelings, the one emotion that keeps rising to the top is ANGER!

I AM MAD!

REALLY, REALLY MAD!!

You see... {brace yourself}

I found out today that a girl I once knew, a girl I worked with, a girl whose wedding I attended...

Smothered and killed her four-month old baby boy.

I am sorry, but yes, this tragedy happened yesterday. I don't have all the details. All I know is that a child is dead, another has lost a baby brother and likely a mother too and a husband and father is grieving so much that my heart is breaking into a million pieces for him.

Am I mad at this girl that I once knew?

NO.

No, I really am not. I feel such profound sadness for her that I hardly know what to do.

So who exactly am I mad at?

Well, let's see...

How about MAINSTREAM MEDIA!

This morning when I first saw the cover of the May edition of TIME Magazine, I was a bit angry. Now, I am SPITTING ANGRY! Are you fucking kidding me TIME editors?

"Are you MOM ENOUGH?"

WHY? Why are you asking this question? Why do mothers have to prove themselves? Why do we have to be perfect? Is there a quiz at the end of this gig that I was not aware of? WHO THE FUCK IS KEEPING SCORE?

And why?

Whose ideals are moms supposed to be living up to? Since when do we all have to be the 'yummy mummy'? Or the stay-at-home, make all the perfect snacks and crafts on Pinterest, make sure my kids are all in the right classes, have the right clothes, are in the right diapers, eating the right foods, I-am-going-to-go-insane-if-I-have-to-keep-up-with-this-facade-of-perfection-and-plaster-this-stupid-smile-on-my-face-all-the-time MOMMY!!

Because you know what, this IS exactly what is happening.

Moms are suffering. And a lot of them are doing so in silence. We get told it is normal to feel the 'baby blues', that this is OK and it should pass. We are supposed to be tired, that is what waking up every 2 hours to feed a tiny new person does to you. But what if it is more? What if the blues don't pass? What if you don't feel that immediate connection with your baby? What if you are so far gone into that deep, dark place that you don't even realize the harm you may be doing to yourself and potentially to your child? What if  you are one of the 1 in 5 mothers that has post partum depression and really NEEDS HELP?

And yet, you still put on a happy face. You still tell everyone that you are fine. That the baby is fine. You go through the motions and forget the emotions, because they are too much for you. Too much guilt, too much pain, too much stress, too many diapers, too much crying, too much EVERYTHING.

And compounding this is what?

Magazine covers asking you if you are "MOM ENOUGH?"

Book covers telling you that motherhood is undermining your status as a women.

Newspaper articles and blog posts constantly pitting one group of moms against another, fuelling these so-called "mommy wars".

Don't they get it?

Don't they know that there is already a war being fought by so many? Up to 20% of new moms are fighting a war that many are not even fully aware is even happening.

And deep, dark, horrific battles are being lost by the most unfortunate of these brave warriors.

So tonight I am asking everyone...

CAN WE PLEASE STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER!!

Stop comparing your way to my way.

Stop looking at that other mom and thinking that you should be anything LIKE her or that your child should be anything like hers.

Stop posting 'link bait' on your sites or Facebook to get the page views and comments that inevitably start more battles in this useless war.

Can we please instead....

START to really see each other for what we are.

Start LISTENING to the answers we get when we ask a new mom how she is doing. Is she really 'fine'?

Start LOOKING at each other without the veil of judgement clouding our vision.

Start SHARING our mothering journeys, the good roads and the bad ones, without fear or shame or guilt.

Mamas, if I have learned anything in my journey through motherhood so far, it is this.

While it may indeed take a village to raise a child, it takes a whole TRIBE to raise a MOTHER!

And whether that tribe is an online one or a local moms-group or a family, that tribe can lift her up or they can tear her down. With their words, their comments, their actions and yes, even their inactions.

I choose tonight to be part of the TRIBE that lifts mothers up.

I choose to LISTEN, to SUPPORT, and to SEE mothers. In all their beautiful glory and yes, in all their not so perfect and glorious times too.

Because, in those not so glorious times...

THAT IS WHEN A MOTHER REALLY NEEDS TO BE SEEN AND HEARD!

So tonight, I don't care about what is on the cover of TIME or who is shocked by it and all the rest of the noise that is cluttering my online spaces.

And I am not mad anymore.

Tonight I am mourning the loss of a little baby boy and the tragedy that surrounds his family.

And I am wondering if his mother had a tribe of her own really listening to her and seeing what was going on, before it was too late.

All I ask is that we do a bit of a better job taking care of each other.

That is what the Tribe of Motherhood is to me.

Love and light to you all,

Natasha~

Mama Music. Review & Giveaway: 'The Full Catastrophe'

We have a WINNER!

Zita on May 9, 2012 at 4:43 PM

There is nothing in the world that moves me quite so powerfully as music. I have genres to fit all my moods and get very antsy in ‘silence’. Lately, I’ve been very into lyrics as well- I appreciate a lot of the poetry that’s emerging in new indie music.  Great review, N!

Congratulations Zita! An email will be sent to you shortly.

Thank you to everyone for entering!

**********

I have a 3.5-year-old and a 5 year old. I know all the words to the Hello song, the Goodbye song, the Clean-up song, the Ridin' in the Car song, the Playin' in the Kitchen song, the Sleepyhead song and countless more.

The 6 CD-changer in my car has been overtaken by all of the kid's music class CDs, not to mention what is on my iPod, and I am told within 30 seconds of getting into the vehicle which selection they want that day.

This is really not a bad thing. My kids have an appreciation for music and we try to expose them to lots of different genres. They love to sing and make up songs of their own, although I am pretty sure that my poor girl has inherited my lack of anything remotely resembling singing on key and Little C is really so much more of a dancer than a singer. They love 'their' music and I like to keep car rides stress-free and happy!

The one downside to all of this is that I rarely get to listen to music that I want to in the car and often after I drop them off at playschool, there I am a half an hour later humming along to Trot Ol' Joe once again.

Oh how far I have strayed...

I used to be a music junkie! Live bands, concerts, the beer soaked dance floor at the Sidetrack Cafe (man, I miss that place!), Lilith Fair, Edge Fest (is that still around?) and of course the creme de la creme in my town, the Edmonton Folk Music Festival.

You see, I LOVE music. All kinds of music. Some people love to dance, some love to sing, and then there is MOI. I can do neither of these things very well (I used to be able to dance, but then along came my friend JRA), and so I listen. I listen with all of my heart and soul and body. I feel music, I appreciate the artistry that exists in it and in true musicians and music moves me to my core.

So when someone (and by someone, I mean someone really, really cool) emails me one day and asks me if I want to review an advance copy of a CD for a great band they are working with, I immediately say YES!

Because this Mama needs some grown-up music in her life!

And then I listen to said CD and am kind of blown away. Because it is like this amazing band has reached inside this Natural Urban Mama's  head and they are SINGING my thoughts!

So without further ado...

I give you.

Nerissa and Katryna Nields.

Photo Credit: Kristin McCue

This sister indie-folk rock duo have been at this music gig for the past 20 years. They have recorded 15 albums, written three books, have a thriving children's music education empire and their own DVD. And they balance all of this precariously while being wives and mothers themselves.

Their sixteenth album is called 'The Full Catastrophe' and it is a testament to every mother's daily joys and struggles. It is funny, poignant, catchy, ethereal and I am thoroughly enjoying it (In fact, I am listening to it right now!). In addition to the melody of a song, what I truly appreciate is the song-writing and lyrics. And the Nields sisters nail it on every song on the CD.

I have listened to the full CD over and over and every time I hear these lyrics from Track 11: 'More than Enough', I tear up. It is THAT good!

"Happily ever after, two kids crawling on the floor

All of our cups are overflowing

Somebody still wants to pour

I get that it’s not about comfort and ease

But uniting when the going gets rough

And to spread it around, to our world, to our town

That's how you get more than enough

I’ll always have more than enough

We’ll always have more than enough."

Like I said, these ladies have literally taken words and feelings about all kinds of aspects of my life as a wife and mother (and likely yours too) and put them brilliantly into song. You will get hooked and want to hear more, I guarantee it!

Here is what the sisters have to say about their newest work;

This CD is an offering to everyone who struggles to balance a home life—with or without kids or partner—with an artistic life, which is to say a work life, for all who labor honorably may choose to do so artistically. The older we get, the more precious both seem to us. Nerissa says, “I could certainly live without friends or family, but I am not sure I would want to. I could let my work go, say goodbye to the muse and my Les Paul, but that would be saying goodbye to joy. We might be happier simplifying our lives, but as Katryna said when we first began this project with the title track, happiness might be overrated. Our cups overfloweth. We choose those cups, and we surrender to the reality that this means many many spills need to be cleaned up.”

And so, in honour of Mother's day coming up and well, because it's nice to pass on great music and give another Mama some grown-up music of her own, I have ONE full copy of the Nields sisters new CD The Full Catastrophe available for a lucky Natural Urban Mamas reader!

All you have to do is comment on this post and tell me what kind of music moves you and why. 

And because it's the right thing to do...

Head on over and follow Nerissa and Katryna Nields on Twitter and Facebook too.

I leave you with this wonderful tribute to mothers that the sisters collaborated on for MotherWoman.org! Go get some tissues.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd0LsguSlyE[/youtube]

The Full Catastrophe is available now on iTunes and in stores near you!

The Fine Print:

• Giveaway starts today, May 7th and ends on May 13th. 
• Winner will be chosen by Random.org and will be contacted by email.
• I was given a free download of the Nields new CD, The Full Catastophe for review.
• All opinions are my own and I don't lie. 
• I also sneak into my kid's snack cupboard and eat Goldfish crackers by the handful!

Good luck Everyone!

Natasha~