A few things I am trying this month...
Ok, I lied. I do have one goal for the next few months. I really want to get to my goal weight.
I know, not very original right. But I have given myself some incentive...
Once I have reached that elusive 135 pounds, I am going to reward myself with something big and beautiful.
I want a new tattoo!!
To help me get there I am giving up a few of my favourite things...
No more milk, cheese or wheat products for this girl.
This is hard for me to do, because I LOVE cheese!! (And already today, I had to spit a piece of Little C's cheese string out because I popped it in my mouth without even thinking.)
I am going with a 6 small meals a day routine, and drinking LOTS of water. And whoever comes up with the App that reminds me to drink a cup of water every half-hour to hour will be my hero!!
Wish me luck!
...................
And...
As I was scrolling through Instagram pics today, I came across this.
So I am going to give it a go. I really do love taking pics with my iPhone and have become somewhat of an Instagram addict. The ever fabulous Schmutzie calls it Phoneography and she has made it an art form! I hope to be as talented at it as she is one day (and perhaps even a fraction as cool as her)!
Since I started a day late, you get two photos today.
1. Me!
Self portrait while sitting in car with 2 sleeping kids.
2. Breakfast. Since I am working on trying to eat 6 small meals a day, this is technically meal #2.
Visalus protein shake with mango and water.
Won't you join me in this fun little challenge?
You can post on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, your own blog, whatever you want. Read all the details here on Fat Mum Slim's site and remember to use the #JANphotoaday hashtag if you are posting too Twitter.
Until tomorrow my lovelies!
Natasha~
All tied up.
The topic of tongue and lip-tie has come up quite a few times lately in regards to it's effect on the breastfeeding relationship and the health and well-being of both mama and baby. I asked my friend Joanna to share her breastfeeding journey from this past year. This is her story.
A year ago my husband and I welcomed our beautiful son into the world. Nursing my baby was something I was passionate about and was so looking forward to creating that special bond with my new baby.
I started breastfeeding him a few hours after his birth and it hurt. I remember my doula saying to me a million times “If it hurts, you’re not doing it right.” So I continued to try to improve his latch. Several hours after he was born the pediatrician came to check him out. The first thing he said was “Your son is tongue-tied (ankyloglossia – medical term), he needs his tongue snipped or you won’t continue nursing. Make an appointment with my office.”
I had never heard of this before. Our Lactation Consultant (LC) confirmed his tongue-tie and at a week old we had our son’s tongue-tie snipped (frenectomy). The procedure didn’t seem to bother him at all. The anterior tongue-tie was easy to diagnose once you knew what you were looking for: our son’s tongue was heart-shaped at the tip, he couldn’t poke his tongue out, and he had very restricted movement with his tongue. Basically the frenum (the skin under the tongue) was tight and short. Straight away I could feel a difference nursing, but it still wasn’t painless.
By 7 weeks of age our son was gaining weight beautifully, but I was still having issues with nursing. We’d been battling thrush for 5 weeks due to the nipple damage my son was causing while nursing and he made a clicking noise with his tongue. He would also lose his latch frequently, and he was always full of gas which made him very cranky. After nursing my nipples were always flat and the tips of them blanched. When he wasn’t nursing and wasn’t asleep he was unhappy – despite being held in arms constantly. My LC came back at my request and her conclusion was that his latch was still poor, he couldn’t get his tongue forward enough to get the nipple into the back of his throat and that’s why we were still having these issues – his tongue was still restricted. She advised us to continue to work on the latch.
When our son was 9 weeks old he commenced a breast refusal that lasted 10 days. He would only nurse at night when he was asleep. I was expressing milk and we were syringe feeding him during the day. When he finally started to take the breast again during the day, he then became a very fussy nurser.
At three months of age, the thrush had gone but we had been dealing with severe gas issues in our baby for two months and I had no fuel left in my tank. Every night he had wakeful periods on and off from 2am until mid-morning – he was writhing around in pain and passing gas. We’d seen a chiropractor and a craniosacral therapist, tried Chinese herbs, and colic remedies, but no one could solve the gas issues. The paediatrician labelled it colic and also said reflux medication might help. The doctor requested x-rays and ultrasounds of his abdomen just to make sure nothing serious was wrong. The results were all negative. We were frustrated and burning out.
I then went to Australia with our son to get some much-needed support from my family. We came back to Canada when our son was 5 months old and was still very gassy but the nipple pain had reduced considerably and he was nursing much better. However a few weeks later he went on another breast refusal. It was much the same as last time and I was very frustrated. Nobody could suggest anything that I hadn’t already tried, such as nursing in the bath, wearing him, staying at home in bed etc. I finally managed to get him nursing during the day again by nursing him to sleep for his naps while standing up, and rocking him in our ring sling.
Nursing in one of our carriers at the Edmonton Heritage Festival – 6 months old
When our son was 6 months old I felt pretty good about our nursing relationship, everything was going well and he was taking in lots of milk. Then at 7 months of age I started to get regular pain while nursing again. I wondered what had changed and why it had to put a damper on my one month of nursing bliss! I got talking to a new friend who is a lactation educator and she asked if he was lip-tied (maxillary fraenum). I remembered my LC had checked for that when I’d had her back to my house when our baby was 7 weeks old and she had said no. So I told my friend that he wasn’t. She insisted on taking a look and her reaction was pretty obvious – he was severely lip-tied. She explained that his lip-tie was preventing him from flanging out his top lip to create a good seal and take in enough breast tissue. He had been using his gums to hold the latch. The reason why I was experiencing more pain now was that he had cut his top teeth he had to use his teeth to maintain the latch rather than his gums. She told me that if we didn’t get the lip-tie fixed he would most likely prematurely wean.
So I began a search. Who could fix his lip-tie? No one seemed to know. While I had this fantastic network of LCs, lactation educators, nursing moms, and IBCLCs, no one could suggest anyone to take my son to. Finally after 2 months of searching on the internet I found a pediatric dentist in Albany, New York, one Dr. Lawrence A. Kotlow. At the same time my friend, Natasha, from Natural Urban Mamas, posted a link to a blog from a mom who had flown halfway across the States to take her daughter to this dentist. As I did more research I discovered that mothers were flying from all over the USA and the world to take their infants to see Dr. Kotlow for tongue-tie and lip-tie revisions. Dr. Kotlow has easy-to-understand instructions on how to diagnose tongue-ties and lip-ties in your own child, and low and behold, I came to the conclusion that our son had a Class IV lip-tie (the most severe – the lip-tie goes in between the two front teeth, causing a gap, and is connected into the hard palate) and a posterior tongue-tie (where the tongue is thickly and tightly tied at the base of the tongue). Not only that, I also came to the conclusion that all of our son’s gas issues, colic behaviour, breastfeeding refusals, fussiness nursing in public (and in general), plugged ducts, thrush, and my nipple pain was because of both of these ties. Dr. Kotlow has written a publication linking colic/reflux issues with tongue-tie and lip-ties. Reading this article was like reading a story about my child. The marvellous thing about Dr. Kotlow, is that he uses a laser to revise the tissue in the mouth. Laser is fast, pain-free, and creates an anaesthetic effect. It takes a very short period of time to heal, involves no sedation, and can be done in the dentist's office.
By this time our son was 10 months old and he was also having issues with speech and with eating solid foods. His speech was impeded because his tongue couldn’t move to the roof of his mouth, and this same tongue restriction was not allowing him to chew food properly. Food mostly got spat out half-chewed or he gagged on it. His nursing was also getting worse with my nipples getting more and more damaged and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could deal with the constant pain. He was pulling off the breast constantly, gagging while nursing, and was also leaving teeth indentations in my areolae as he attempted to maintain a latch. We made the decision that we were going to travel to the other side of the continent to see Dr. Kotlow!
At the same time I met a local mother whose past year roughly reflected what I’d been going through, except that her 10 month old had struggled to maintain weight due to frequent and lengthy breast refusals. They were scheduled to visit Dr. Kotlow a week after we met, but before she left for Albany we decided to make one last-ditch effort to get the revisions done locally. We both called dozens of dentists in our town and couldn’t find anyone that would use laser to revise tongue-ties and/or lip-ties on infants under two years of age. She had even seen a pediatric plastic surgeon who said he would do the revision using a scalpel under general anaesthetic, but not just so she could continue to breastfeed her son. I’d have to wait nearly a year to get the surgery done. This was not a viable option for me on many levels.
My new friend made the trip with her son to New York State to see Dr. Kotlow and we went a month later. Both of us are amazed at the profound difference it has made in our sons! Dr. Kotlow is committed to helping mothers have pain-free nursing and his office staff are just as supportive. The procedure took 10 minutes. My son came back to me drenched in his own sweat, red-faced, and crying, more from being away from me than any pain and an hour later he was eating, playing, nursing and then sleeping!
Nursing was unbelievably different. The first thing I noticed was how wide he could now open his mouth. Dr. Kotlow said the lip-tie was so tight that it prevented him from having full range of movement in his jaw. I also noticed how much more breast tissue he had in his mouth and that his top lip was flanged outwards! But the best thing I noticed was that it was pain-free! Yay! Dr. Kotlow checked him out the next day and showed me the stretching exercises we were to do four times a day for 14 days. These exercises are critical post-procedure as they stretch the revised area to ensure the tissue does not heal back together.
Since the procedure was done we have noticed big differences in our boy. Not only has his nursing improved but so has his speech and eating. He is pronouncing sounds much more clearly. You can now see him use his tongue with a much wider range of movement to chew food. He is no longer gagging on food and his smile is different too! He is also able to suck out more milk with each nursing session and sleep more soundly. He isn’t losing his latch anymore and he isn’t fussing at the breast while nursing. He has even started to ask me for milk by signing ‘milk’ – this is a totally new experience for me and something that melts my heart. And I am still pain-free!
It has been a frustrating journey and definitely not the nursing journey I envisioned having when our baby was born. It is amazing how many people I have met and am continuing to meet who are also having nursing issues due to tongue-ties and/or lip-ties. While anterior (the tip of the tongue) tongue-ties are easily diagnosed by pediatricians and LCs, posterior tongue-ties and lip-ties remain poorly diagnosed. Lip-ties are much easier to diagnose once the top front teeth have erupted through the gum. However, once diagnosed, the real problem is finding someone to do the revisions locally. Just recently, a local dentist, Dr. H. Sekhon from Lewis Estates Dental Centre, performed three lip-tie revisions using laser. I am grateful that there is now a local dentist performing lip-tie revisions and would love to see him pursue further training with Dr. Kotlow.
Throughout our nursing relationship, many people have questioned why I have decided to continue nursing. I guess stubbornness and determination on my part comes into play here, but I also believe that my son has a right to nurse for as long as he chooses to. Of course I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the love and support of my husband and family in Australia, and the wonderful network of babywearing and breastfeeding mamas I have found in my local area. I feel nursing strengthens our bond and our relationship. I am so grateful that we now have the opportunity to continue our nursing relationship into my son’s toddler years.
Joanna is a mother of a one year old boy, Xavier, and a 18 month old puppy, Bailey. Her and her husband came to Canada from Australia almost three years ago for an adventure and to further their careers in environmental management with the public service. Both are passionate about sustainable development and love the natural environment. Joanna has studied journalism, international relations, biological sciences and environmental management and has graduate and post-graduate degrees in these fields. She is a straight talking Aussie who loves to be around people and animals. She likes to stay fit by playing many different sports, wearing her baby on her back, and hiking in the Rockies. Joanna is now pursuing her passions for babywearing, breastfeeding and birth support in between and while caring for her family.
The Tenth Anniversary of my Thirtieth Birthday.
Okay fine. Exactly 40 years ago today at 11:37 PM, I was born.
The last baby born on the first day of 1972.
I think my mom got a blanket and some kind of baby cup from the hospital to commemorate the birth of her New Year child.
Today I woke up and felt refreshed.
For the first time in a LONG time, I awoke and my body and my mind felt good. Like REALLY good.
And as some of you may know, feeling good has been a struggle for a few months.
In September of this past year, I was really looking forward to 40. I kept telling myself that 40 is the new 20 and kept planning all the things that I was going to to before I got there and then during my big milestone year. And then as the months progressed, I felt like I had a slow leak somewhere and all my enthusiasm and my plans just seeped out of me.
Even last night as I was celebrating the new year and my birthday with my best friend and her family, I still wasn't sure how I was feeling about my big day.
So I am not sure exactly what happened during my sleep last night, but I woke refreshed, with a sense of purpose and also a huge desire to clean and purge my closets, cupboards and well, yes, my life too, of all the clutter and excess that exists there.
I don't want to set resolutions for this year. I don't even think I want to set goals.
What I do want to do is set myself on a journey. One in which I truly discover who I am and who I am meant to be. One in which my life and my mind is not preoccupied with so much 'stuff' that does more harm than good and one in which I can clearly find and see the path that is mine.
Because trust me, nothing makes you realize how fast time is moving like looking in the mirror and seeing a 40-year-old you looking back at you and then looking down and seeing your now 5 year old looking at you too.
I have a starting point for my journey, thanks to some dear friends.
My good friend and personal trainer, Jessica, gave me the book and DVD of "The Secret" to read and get me going.
Karissa, another friend that I 'talk' to a lot on twitter gave me these words of advice, "Ask yourself "What is it that I want?" If no answer comes, ask the next day and the next day and the day after that until it does."
I also bought myself a journal to write my intentions down in because I find that things stick more for me if I go all old school and actually write them down.
And so my journey begins, today, right now and I am excited about it.
Happy New Year Everyone!
Happy Tenth Anniversary of my Thirtieth Birthday to me!!
Walking shoes on,
Natasha~
Nurse-in. Nurse-out.
Tomorrow, there are nurse-in's planned at Target stores across the USA and in some Zeller's stores (the future home of Target) across Canada. It is all in response to an incident that happened to a breastfeeding mom at a Houston Target store in late November 2011. You can read all the details here, in the post written by Annie Urban from PhDinParenting on the Care2 site.
This is sadly not a new news story. Long story short is this: mom is shopping with baby, baby gets hungry, mom has a full cart of items and decides to sit down and nurse her child with a cover over her. Mom is subsequently harassed by store employees asking her to move or leave and then proceed to threaten to call the police and have her arrested for indecent exposure, etc, etc, etc....
And... Cue the Lactivists!! And the uproar from both sides of this issue. (See the 489 comments on Annie's Post! 489 people!!)
And then nation-wide nurse-ins are planned.
And I get a kind of weird uneasy feeling in my tummy about these gatherings.
Please understand this. I am a very vocal and proud advocate of breastfeeding. I believe that breastfeeding is the normal and yes, best way to feed our babies. I believe that mothers should nurse their babies anytime and anywhere and not have to suffer any kind of harassment or public humiliation for giving her baby the simple basics of food and love.
I believe that leading by example and modeling the kind of behaviour we want to see in others and around us is the best way to change the world. I especially believe this about breastfeeding and this is why I have and always will nurse in public when I need to. I will do so with a smile on my face, with or without a cover, with my newborn and with my three-year-old. I will nurse at a pool, at a restaurant, in the mall, at the park, in church or sitting in the lawn furniture display at Superstore.
Some may think I am a 'breastfeeding nazi', because I believe that this is the best way to feed my babies and I will do whatever I need to ensure that this is what happens. I will share my knowledge of breastfeeding with those around me and help whomever asks me for advice or help! I will support businesses and products that enhance the breastfeeding relationship and remove my support from those that I feel undermine it.
But on the subject of public gatherings and nurse-ins...
To be completely honest, and I know this will get me in some hot water with some people...
I do not think that this is the way.
This 'Stickin' it to the man', or in this case (and as the media will undoubtedly portray it) 'Whippin' em out in front of everyone', will HURT the lactivist movement. This will become less about a mother's right and basic human need to feed her child when and where that child is hungry, as it will be about a group of outraged feminist crazies and exhibitionist women 'flaunting' themselves in the name of breastfeeding in public.
Do you think I am wrong?
Maybe I am, but I know what kind of world we live in.
We live in a world where boobs = sex. Where one of the most watched fashion shows on the planet is the Victoria's Secret one and it is chock full of barely there bras and panties and lots of bouncing boobs. Where the biggest social media website in the world will allow almost pornographic pictures of breasts and other questionable body parts, but actively removes, bans and shuts down pages that show a breastfeeding mother and child. We live in a world where the most powerful nation known to man has the most appalling maternity leave policy on earth and does next to nothing to support breastfeeding mothers.
So what is a breastfeeding advocate to do?
I have been invited to our local nurse-in tomorrow, but I don't think I will go. I see these actions as confrontational and in my opinion THIS tactic rarely ever works to change people's minds and only serves to alienate those we want support from and make the issue seem more sensational than normal. There is something to be said about attracting more flies with honey than vinegar and I truly believe that this highly charged topic of breastfeeding in public is one that needs way more sweet than bitter to move it forward.
I don't know what the right answers are here and just like feeding our babies, it is likely as diverse and varied as these answers and choices are.
I personally choose to make my stand for nursing in public (NIP) as I feed my babies. On demand. And trust me, with a three-year-old who is still nursing and very vocal about it, she can be very demanding! As demanding as a screaming hungry newborn. And you can bet that I would, I have and I will nurse my children when and where they need it.
So for all those shop employees, shoppers, diners, people walking by, fellow church goers and everyone else who seems to have a problem with a mother nursing her child, I say this...
Your choice is...
THIS.
Or THIS!
Look away or deal with the high-pitched, full-throttle and seemingly never-ending screams of a hungry child!!
Natasha~
P.S. I fully support all the mamas and daddies and everyone else who IS going to the nurse-in's across our nations. I am with you in spirit and will likely be somewhere else quite publicly nursing my toddler and being an example to all those around me.
A twofor from Natural Mother Productions.
I have been very remiss and absent from my babywearing blogging lately. I am so very sorry everyone! So to make up for it, I have a two in one review for you!!
A few months ago I got an email from a lovely baby carrier making Mama of 7 (her last pregnancy was a twofor as well)! She wanted to send me one of her carriers to see what I thought of it.
Well, you know me, I am not one to pass up trying out a new carrier and I am especially pleased when it is from a fellow Canadian Mama working to support her family while doing something that she loves.
So without further ado...
Here is Natural Mother Productions!
Michelle Dunn is the creative juice and super mama behind this brand, and she makes the loveliest custom mei tai and full buckle carriers!
So she sent me one of each! Woohoo! Double the fun!
The first is the Mei Tai.
My first impression of this carrier was Wow!! The stitching and workmanship on this piece is amazing. There is just the right amount of padding in the waist band and the straps of the carrier to make is super comfy. I especially like the angle of the shoulder straps on this Mei Tai. The way that they are attached to the body of the carrier keeps the straps nicely on your shoulders versus riding up onto your neck. This keeps the weight of baby off your neck and distributed better over your shoulders.
The body of the carrier is quite unique and to be honest, I was not sure what to make of it at first. The top half of the mei tai is padded and provides a more rigid support for your baby's upper torso and head. The lower half has a slight contour to is and is not padded. At first this confused me, but after further review and trying it out with a couple of different aged babies, I am convinced that this may actually be quite brilliant!
Here is the thing. My beef with a few of the other quite popular mei tai carriers is how stiff the bodies of these carriers are. This can make it very hard to use them effectively, especially with younger or smaller babies and makes getting these little ones in the proper position with legs out, in the flexed & abducted or 'M' position very difficult. The fact that the lower half of the NMP mei tai is NOT padded allows you to bunch in the carrier more at the base so that you can properly position your baby in a nice seated and froggy-legged position from 10 pounds and up (as stated by the manufacturer).
For the record, I will state that, with maybe one exception that I know of, mei tai carriers are not the most ideal baby carriers for newborns and in my opinion should be used from 3 months and up (the upper weight limit on most carriers is 35 lbs). In this regard the NMP Mei Tai is no exception to my rule.
What I do love about the NMP Mei Tai is the body and headrest. It is a nice high body and easily covers babies all the way up to the shoulders and neck (and head if need be). The headrest part can be folded down to accommodate a baby that is awake and wants to look around, but keeps its firmness when upright and provides good support for the sleeping baby.
The one thing that limits the use of this mei tai for me with my big kids, is the base of the seat. For bigger toddlers (2-3 year olds), I did not find that it gave the knee to knee support that is ideal in baby carriers. For younger babies, this is not a problem and the 12.5 inches gives ample support and makes a very nice seat for baby to sit in and get the above stated knee-to-knee support. And as you can see, I wore my little 11 month old helper, Baby N, very comfortably for about a half hour in my NMP Mei Tai and we both loved it.
Little N's mama is also rather petite and was having problems finding a carrier to fit her body comfortably. The NMP mei tai carrier was a very good fit for her and she loved how easy it was to get it on and off.
The high and more rigid upper body of the mei tai works great when wearing your babies and toddlers on your back. And, as you can see here, there is little to no chance of your little ones leaning back too far in this carrier!
The Natural Mother Productions Mei Tai is a lovely addition to the babywearing world and anyone's carrier stash and Michelle's custom work is both beautiful and functional!
And her Buckle Carrier is no exception!
As I have mentioned before, my biggest complaint with most of the mainstream buckle carriers (think Ergo, Beco and Boba) has always been the straps and the chest clip. Especially when carrying baby on the front and having to reach back and trying to get the clip done up with your arms behind your head. Well, I am happy to report that the NMP Buckle Carrier has taken care of this for me! The straps of the NMP carrier criss-cross across your back and actually buckle directly into the body of the carrier. I personally feel that having the straps of any carrier (wrap, mei tai or buckle carrier) crossed on your back, distributes the weight of the baby better and is a lot more comfortable for the wearer.
I had my friend, Josline (a tried and true Ergo user) try out the NMP buckle carrier with her 15-month-old, 29 pound little one and she LOVED it. As did her daughter who needed some uppy time for a much-needed nap. The structure of the NMP Buckle Carrier is much like the Mei tai with the high-backed, sturdy upper portion and contoured lower seat area. A nice addition to the buckle carrier is the sleep hood that buckles directly into the upper straps near your shoulders.
The NMP Buckle Carrier does not come with a chest strap like most buckle carriers and I will admit that I was nervous about this at first for back carrying. I have one slightly slope-y shoulder and find that I 'need' that extra support with most other carriers to feel secure in a back carry.
I was pleasantly surprised by how the NMP Buckle carrier fit both me and my 3-year-old, 35 pound 'baby'. The design and cut of the straps just sort of 'fit' perfectly around the shoulders and are nice and snug and thus, seem to eliminate the need for a chest strap. Princess L and I went for a nice walk with our gorgeous NMP carrier and were both very, very happy with it!
Michelle custom makes every one of her carriers and she has some gorgeous prints to choose from. I am particularly fond of the 'Carnival bloom' print and the 'Zesty Zinna' one too! The carriers are good for babies from 10 to 35 pounds and are a one size fits most design (you can discuss with Michelle if you need a more custom size).
Natural Mother Productions is offering my Natural Urban Mama readers a discount on her fabulous carriers! Let her know that I sent you and you will get $25.00 off of a buckle carrier or $20.00 off of a mei tai carrier.
Happy Babywearing Everyone!
Natasha~
Toddlers and Heros!
Call me silly, but I am SO, so excited tonight.
A week and a half ago Annie at Phd in Parenting asked me to guest post for her awesome Carnival of Toddlers this month.
And I really can't lie, I may have done a few internal cartwheels when she sent me that tweet! Because here is the thing, Annie is kind of one of my heros. I have so much respect for her as an activist, a parent and a writer. I even sometimes think in my head when confronted with certain parenting and/or ethical questions..."What would Annie Do?"
I had the immense pleasure of meeting her at Blissdom Canada this past October and she really is as awesome in person as she is online!
So without further ado, here is the link to my guest post all about 'Toddler Survival 101'!
I do hope you like it and that you can get some tips from it to help you make it through these often trying but really quite terrific toddler years!!
Giddy as all heck,
Natasha~
thick
This week has been a tough one. As I knew it would be.
Natural Urban Dad is on call at the hospital this week and also had to go out-of-town for a night to deal with some urgent business. We steel ourselves for his weeks on call and I thank God that they are few and far between. He knows he will get frustrated and not enjoy his time there, and I know that I will be dealing with a grumpy spouse for a week.
But, it is more than just this.
I am somehow just feeling off.
I was doing really well for a few weeks. Feeling happier, like I was making good choices for me and for my family, focusing on the positive and removing all that I felt was weighing me down. I felt that, although I was still in a tunnel, I was able to see a light at the end of it.
And then this week started and I am not sure why, but there seems to be a thick fog following me around.
I am tired. So very, very tired. And believe it or not, the kids are actually sleeping relatively well this week, so I can't even blame my fatigue on them.
I am also feeling overwhelmed. I know it is partly because of Christmas and making sure that I make it a special time for the kids. I feel like I am going through my days and constantly saying to myself, "Just get through this day and then tomorrow, you can do A, B, C...).
I want to do some Christmas baking and help the kids make presents for their Aunties and Uncles and wrap their presents and go to Candy Cane Lane and ....
...all I have been able to do this week is make sure I PVR every damn kid Christmas special on TV and then sit the kids down and have them watch them over and over and over again while I try to stay awake and at least make sure they have clean underwear.
They have their Christmas Concert at playschool tomorrow and because I have not done any clothing shopping for them in forever, I am scrambling tonight to figure out what they can wear that is festive enough. A red Transformer's sweatshirt will work right?
I just feel aimless.
I picked up some 'Winter Joy' room spray and my personalized 'Calm and Centered' Flower Essence blend from my friendly neighborhood holistic practitioner. Hopefully these will start to kick in soon! Because trust me, I need all the joy, calm and centering I can get these days!
I have no real point to this post. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days I am going to wake up and snap out of it. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be happening and I am just not ready to go see my GP and have her tell me I need to be on an anti-depressant. So I will keep plugging along. Trying to find my joy in the little things and in my little people.
The good news is that I am happy that I made the decision to close my store for the holidays. I did this to be able to figure out how to be the best wife and mother that I can be and the happy and fulfilled person that I deserve to be. I think I just need to take a deep breath now that I am in this 'taking a break' time and realize that I don't have to figure everything out this very minute.
Here's hoping the fog is a little thinner tomorrow.
Natasha~
Five Years
I am a five year old mother.
As in, five years ago, a beautiful baby boy was concieved of the love that Natural Urban Dad and I share, was born of my body and completely transformed my life. This is for him.
For all that you have taught me. About life, love, and laughter.
For all that you do that is sweet, loving, and kind.
For the lessons in patience, perseverance and the power of a hug.
For your independent spirit. Your love of LIFE. Your utter BOY-ness!
Thank you, Little Man.
You really have made me the Mama I am today.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayRqFLjNcJI[/youtube]