five reasons to become a parent

There is a pretty hilarious video circulating on the interwebs these days called "The Parent Rap". Seriously, go watch it here, it is worth a few giggles. What is interesting is the reaction of the singletons to this video. There seems to be this feeling of "way to convince us to NEVER have kids" that is accompanying said video. Dad trading in his sports car for a more practical sedan. Yup, that happens. Mom doing most of the cooking, cleaning and kid wrangling. It's the truth, even for the moms who work out of the home.

Parenting is all THAT and a bag of chips folks. Really. It IS!

BUT...

Just in case you need more convincing, dear singletons of the universe, I have put together a list of 5 things that are so fantastic about being a new parent that you will all be clamouring to start the process IMMEDIATELY!

1. Poop.

You know how now you just never get to talk about it? It is simply not something that comes up in casual conversation, unless of course you are telling that story about your crazy German cousin on his cross country tour and the unfortunate yet highly hilarious incident at that hostel in Montreal after an all-night rave in 2003.

Well, no more worries for you my friend! When you have a baby, poop is pretty much the number one thing that everyone is talking about. How was your first poop after birth. (FYI-doesn't hurt AT ALL!) How often is your baby pooping? What color is the poop? How chunky is it? How much poop can a diaper actually hold? How do you actually get poop stains off of popcorn ceilings? Is that mustard? So many ways to talk about poop. And most of the time with a completely straight face too. It is awesome! Trust me.

2. Sleep.

You know all those crazy drinking and partying "all-nighters" you've been pulling up until now? Well guess what!? You get to keep doing them! You get to stay up till all hours of the night with a fellow drinker! One of you is going to pass out and likely pee your pants. I won't say who. Chances are you will flash your boobs a few times during the night and at some point someone is going to be completely naked and screaming their head off too. See? Just like the good ol' days! Just remember to rehydrate. And sleep it off during the day.

3. Advice.

You know how sometimes it is hard to ask people for help or get some advice?  Well, you need not worry about that anymore! Not one little bit. You won't even have to ask. The slightest twitch of an eyebrow or hint of confusion in your face is enough for almost anyone to understand that you truly do need their ever-so-gracious tidbits of life lessons. You will be surrounded by so many lovely people just aching to give you advice on pretty much everything you do as a parent that you literally won't have to think for yourself for at least one whole year. It's so great!

4. Sex.

Sexy time. Doing it. Making love. Whatever you want to call it, you can stop fussing and thinking about it so much. Sex is not going to be taking up any more of your precious time. No more hours of foreplay and having to do it in every position imaginable. And that romp in the morning before work? Gone. You won't have to sneak out of bed to brush your teeth in the wee hours ever again. Oh, you will have to still have some sex, but now it will be more of the sea turtle kind, really, really quiet and likely scheduled into your iCalendar (cause see turtles all have iPhones, DUH!). Just think of all the time you used to spend having sex. Now you get to spend all that time doing other fabulous parent-y type things. Your life will be richer for it.

5. Your body.

You know how self conscious you are about that little bit of a roll over your jeans? Or that mole that is in that weird spot under your left boob? Or how there is the hassle of having to close the bathroom door every time you want to go pee. All that is over and done with. No longer do you have to worry about not letting random strangers touch your boobs. Totally taken care of. And all that 'private parts are private' nonsense? No worries. A few stitches in you nether region will heal you of any and all dignity you once had. It was just holding you back anyway. Now you can be free to pee with the doors WIDE open and you will also (at least for a few years) always have an audience to perform you shower singing for! Nudity FOR THE WIN people!!

So there you have it singletons. Get on out there and start your procreating so you to can reap all of these incredible benefits and SO MANY more of being a parent!

Also, learn to laugh at yourself.

A LOT!

Sincerely,

Your poop-talking, booby-baring, peeing with the door open, too many bodies in my bed, parenting guru,

Natasha~

not too late

Last month, I took a writing course with Alice Bradley, aka @finslippy and this was one of our assignments. To write about family.  A lot of the 'class' (we were all online) said that the hardest thing or the most taboo thing to write about was family. This was my homework and is part of what I am dealing with and processing at the moment.

Family.

I don’t have a lot of childhood memories. I dont’ have the 'big family Christmas dinner' memories, the 'super-fun camping in the mountains' vacation memories, or the 'mom and dad taking me to this or that sport or activity and cheering me on' memories.

I have 'packing up a house full of four kids and leaving while daddy is at work' memories. I have 'watching my daddy crying in the doorway of our new house because he doesn't understand why' memories. I have 'getting mad at daddy for reasons to this day I can’t even remember and promising never to talk to him again' memories.

I know there must have been good times in my life before {and after} these memories. I have seen the pictures. I know that my father was not a bad man. I know he was not a terrible daddy. I think he was a young one and that he was working hard to try to support his young and ever growing family and may have bitten off more than he could chew.

Or it could have been that it really was all my grandmother’s fault. My mother’s mother was not a fan of men. It’s hard to blame her really, when every single man in her life broke her heart or her body in unfathomable ways. It was her and her daughter against the world. So when this young man came into their lives and knocked up her one and only daughter, her PERSON, I think she panicked. And then slowly, over the next six years, like someone administering small doses of arsenic, I believe she poisoned my mother into thinking that he was just not good enough for her. That he wasn't a good husband, he wasn't a good father, and he wasn't a good provider.

So my mother left my father. With four kids under the age of seven.

And over the years of listening to my grandmother’s poisonous rantings, I too came to believe that he was the dead beat he was made out to be. Why didn't he call? Why didn't he want to be with us? What did I do to make him not want me?

My child’s mind made a rash decision at the age of 12 to never speak to him again. And the sad reality is that I truly did not speak to him until 11 years later at my baby brother’s funeral. And now, another whopping 19 years later, we still have not seen each other more than 3 times since that sad day.

My daddy.

My daddy who now has ALS.

And now I don’t know what do to?

He IS my father, but who is he really? A relative stranger to me and to my own children. Yet, his time on earth is limited. He is suffering and I am wondering why we have never 'fixed' this, why he stayed away and why I never asked for more from him?

And I am kicking my 12-year-old self for being such a fucking brat! And then again my 23-year-old self for being so god-damn selfish. Yes, I lost a brother that day, but he lost a CHILD.

Maybe I see this all more clearly now that I am a parent.

I have never spoken to him about ANY of this. About what he was feeling when mom left or why we stopped talking. We barely spoke when my brother died. I did not invite him to my wedding and I haven’t ever been to see him to introduce him to his grandchildren.

And now he is dying. A slow, painful, agonizing death that is going to rob him of his body and leave him his mind. A mind that is perhaps wondering all of these things as well.

I am a 40-year old woman and all I want is for my daddy to be just that.

My Daddy.

For what little time we have left.

This past weekend I spent some time with my father and we have started the healing of our relationship together. I just hope that we get the time we need to do and say all that we need to to each other, because in case you don't know, ALS is a cruel, cruel thief, robbing him blind daily.

Natasha~

I am the Tony Stark of parenting!

I am a goddamn parenting genius! .

.

.

.

OK, fine. Slight exaggeration.

Maybe I just exude parental confidence. {While inwardly I am pulling my hair out strand by strand and sitting in a corner holding myself and rocking back and forth.}

Whatever the case may be, people ask me for advice all the time.

It ranges from prenatal questions all the way to potty training and back again. And for the record, I am definitely not an expert in any of these things by any conventional definition.

What I am is a mama. I have almost 6 years of seniority in this position and according to a recent personality test I took (more on that in a later post) I have an above average amount of behavioural adaptability. Which I think is just fancy talk for I just know how to go with the flow!

I also like to listen to my instincts. My gut, so to speak. And for the most part, (teensy bit of bragging here) my gut is rarely wrong.

Why am I telling you all this?

It started last week when my lovely friend and kicks-my-ass-weekly personal trainer, Jessica, asked me for some sleep advice for one of her 5 month old twins. One was sleeping in his crib just fine and the other one just could not do it without Jessica being there with him.

Now of course, my first reaction when anyone asks me for baby sleep advice is to laugh out loud, because, as you may know, I have not had a full night of uninterrupted sleep since December of 2006.

My second reaction is to ask more questions. How does he usually sleep? What does he need? What (or who) is his comfort?  Jess answered all of these and the main theme that I uncovered was that he needed HER. The problem is that she needed her sleep.

So, in my infinite parental wisdom, I said, "Give him your shirt."

Huh?

Here is the way I understand it. Babies imprint on us. Yes, imprint, just like in Twilight with Jacob and baby Renesmee. It's an instant and forever bond and a big part of that has to do with our senses. Touch, taste, hearing, smell and sight. So when Jessica told me that Baby R needed her and she needed to be sleeping in her own bed, I said give him your shirt.

Because it smells like her. The first scent that he ever smelled, his soothing imprint, his mama.

So she did. She gave him her "I just taught two fitness classes, this smells A LOT like me" top and a few hours later I got this tweet.

https://twitter.com/infinitefit/status/256248507684491264

And yesterday, she texted me this sweet (sweaty shirt) photo!

It has been a week and he is still sleeping at nights all snuggled up with his mama's shirt.

Therefore, I believe this makes it official.

I AM a genius!

Patent-pending of course, but in the meantime feel free to use my very scientific GTFTS "technique" (which by the way, I have also used with some success with toddlers too)!

Happy Sleepy Times Mamas,

Natasha~

Moments...

Being a mom is the most amazing job/vocation/calling/responsibility/LIFE in the entire world. Except when it isn't.

And then you just want to crawl into a hole or if you happen to be having a particularly awful mama moment in public, have the ground open and swallow  you up, right then and there!

BUT...

Then you read something that makes you sit up and think, THAT! That is the kind of mom, no... correction, the kind of PERSON, that I want to be. All the time. Every day.

Earlier tonight I read a note on my friend Stefani's Facebook page and with her permission, I am posting it here.

To the parents of the autistic girl in the party store:

Hi. It's okay. No, really; it's okay. I know your daughter swatted my baby, who was sleeping in my sling, but I'm not mad. Babies are fascinating. They're people, but tiny. They have little hands and little feet and huge eyes. They are delicate, yes, but your daughter either didn't remember or didn't know that. And that's okay. It might come with time. Don't apologise. I get it. She just wanted to see him. She was excited. So as you tried to hurry off, to get your daughter away from my baby before she woke him or hurt him, I called to her.

"Hey... Hey, sweetie. Do you want to see the baby?" You froze, and then apologised some more. It must be hard. You must have people getting angry with you all the time. But not me.

"Here, look. He's sleeping. Isn't he cute?"

You daughter's face lit up in excitement as she swatted near his face. You stopped her hand, I dodged a little and came back to centre.

"Gentle, sweetie." I brought my baby close. Close enough for her to really see him. She tilted her head and looked at the ceiling and then back somewhere over my shoulder. Then she smiled.

I haven't been there, but I understand. I know you will struggle, your daughter will struggle, her brother will struggle. Some people will get angry at you when your daughter yells at dinner, when she won't sit still or runs where she shouldn't.. When she gets too excited and swats a baby...

But not me.

..................

Because those moments when you want to run and hide, when you think the world is looking and judging, they are just that.

Moments.

And sometimes all it takes is someone else to see that moment, recognize it for what it is and make it better.

Like Stefani did today.

<3

Winter {babywearing} is coming...

I woke up to two very excited children earlier this week Why you ask?

Because...

"MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, IT'S SNOWING!!!"

And sure enough, it was October 10th, 2012 and big sticky snowflakes were blanketing our yard! {Too soon, Mother Nature, too soon!}

With chillier weather on the way, the most common babywearing question I get is, "How do I continue to wear my baby in the winter months and keep us both warm and toasty?"

The wonderful news is that with babywearing becoming more and more a part of every family's parenting arsenal, babywearing manufacturers are picking up on the fact that there is a need for products that work in all kinds of weather.

So, without further ado, here are some great outerwear options for your cold weather babywearing needs.

Carrier Covers.

These are simply covers that you can put over both the baby and the carrier to provide an extra layer of warmth to your little bundle.

There are quite a few different brands that make them and they are a good option when your main concern is protecting your baby (and your pretty carrier) from the elements. Most of these are meant for use with front carriers and snap on or use Velcro to attach to the straps of your carrier.

Of all the carrier covers out there, I think the one that makes the most sense and is perhaps the most versatile is the Kowalli. The one arm-hole "toga" design and simple drawstring closures at top and bottom make it a very easy cover to use with pretty much any carrier. And I like that it is just as easy to use it when you are carrying baby on your tummy or on your back.

The Kowalli is made in the USA of weather-treated Polartec fleece, repels rain and snow, is weather rated to -10 Degrees Celsius and retails for around $70-75.00.

Babywearing Ponchos 

Another great option to cover up both you and baby is a babywearing poncho. This was my favourite way to keep my babies and I all warm and cozy without too much extra bulk. Babywearing ponchos come in all shapes and sizes as well, from the 100% virgin wool Mamaponcho, to an easy no-sew DIY version. For practicality and ease of use I prefer one that wraps around both mama and baby versus one that has two head holes and that you have to wrangle both of you into. You can find some great options for babywearing ponchos from Babyette or from our own local Cosy Baby Happy Mommy.

{I can't be sure, but I think she may be trying to give me the finger!}

Babywearing Jackets and Vests

Still one of the most popular outerwear or layering pieces for babywearing is the Peekaru Vest. This soft Polartec fleece vest slips easily over any kind of baby carrier and keeps everyone cozy and warm. It comes in a variety of colours and sizes for both men and women and can be worn for front and back wearing as well.

{I look so much like my mother in this picture, it is totally freaking me out!}

If you want to go all out with wearing your baby in the winter, there are a few different options for full babywearing jackets. I personally have never owned one, but I know lots of people who have and they love them. In my opinion, the key points to think about when looking for a babywearing jacket are; A) Is it a jacket that you can wear when you are NOT babywearing, B) Is it something that is easy to get into and out of by yourself, C) Can you use it for front and back babywearing, and of course, D) Cost.

At the top of the price range you will find the fabulous {before, during and after} M Coat and the equally wonderful MAMAPARKA from Moa Po. Both of these are Canadian-made, so you know that they will be able to handle even the coldest of days. They do come with a higher price tag, but the versatility of these jackets makes it worth it for some. The M Coat comes in at $385.00 and the Mama Parka is around $425.00. You can also check out this link to one of my favourite retailers for other babywearing jacket options as well.

{The MAMAPARKA from Moa Po. Made in Montreal, Canada}

For those who are looking for a more traditional babywearing jacket, an Amauti is a beautiful option. The Amauti is the cultural and intellectual property of the Inuit people and therefore no pattern is commercially available and you will not (usually) find one in any stores. If you are lucky enough to know or find an Inuit seamstress you may be able to have one custom made for you. The Amauti is different than the other babywearing jackets in that it is both your jacket AND your baby carrier all in one. The back of the jacket is actually a pouch and your child (up to about age 3) fits right into it and is secured into place by colourful straps on the outside of the jacket. If I could go back and do it all again, and given that I had two winter-born babies, I would totally invest in one of these (and truth-be-told, probably a Mama Parka too).

{My friend, and local Doula/IBCLC, Pam Davey, being worn by her mama in an Amauti, circa 1975.}

One last thing...

Babywearing outerwear aside, I would also like to take a minute and mention briefly what both you and baby should wear beneath your baby carrier. Your carrier itself is providing both you and baby with at least one layer of coverage and you will both be sharing your body warmth, so the main concern is making sure that neither one of you is overheating, overdressed or in something that is too bulky. Layers are best for both of you, and investing in a good fleece baby bunting suite (like these ones from MEC) is the perfect outerwear not only for babywearing, but also for keeping baby warm, yet not too bulky in the car seat. Use baby leg warmers to keep little arms and legs warm and feel free to throw a pair on your arms too for an extra layer of warmth. 

Now, off with you all!

Winter is coming...

Suit up Mamas!

Happy {Winter} Babywearing!

Natasha~

beast of burden

You know when you have more ideas than time? When your draft folder is starting to look as big as your actual posts folder?

I am kind of at that point right now.

September hit and it was back to school and board meetings and activities starting up and well, let's just say that the kids have been napping every day for the past week and a half and more often than not, I feel like I should be too!

And because when it rains it pours, I have also been dealing with a really wonderful RA flare that is just draining all kinds of energy from me like a VERY leaky faucet.

So what I am saying here is, that I have been one very tired and sore mama lately and it is taking a tremendous amount of effort (and caffeine)  to keep both my brain and my body working simultaneously.

And truth be told, as of late I have also been wrestling with some demons of my past that don't seem to want to stay hidden in the darker recesses of my mind anymore. It is not debilitating in any way, but I do feel like I have some unresolved issues that I need to deal with and it has to be soon. Trusting my children into a school system that failed me miserably has been a bigger step for me than I had originally thought and has brought a lot of these issues to the surface.

I want to write about these ugly, demon-y type things, really I do, I am just not sure if this is the place for them. Or if I can even do it. My thoughts about these events of my childhood only go so far and then I start to panic and SLAM THE DOOR shut in my brain. It is a defence mechanism and I know that, but hey, it has {kinda} worked for the past 27 years, why stop now, right?

Right.

Even now, as I am writing this, a very familiar ball of anxiety is starting to form in my gut and I can feel my pulse rate quicken. If I write it all down, then everyone is going to know. My husband is going to know. The mom's who read my blog and that I see at my kid's schools are going to know. MY mom is going to know. And I dont' know how they are going to react or feel about all of this.

Because here is the thing people, I want to talk details. I want to talk about what was said and done to a young, vulnerable child and how that sticks with you for the rest of your life. I don't want to just say the 'legal' words for these things. Molested, abused, assaulted. Because while that is what happens, it is not what is said by the person doing these things. And while the acts in and of themselves are damaging enough, it is the words that stick in your mind, that haunt you, that make you question everything about your body, that make you wonder what is WRONG with you for most of your teenage and adult life.

Are you all ready to hear this? Am I ready to write it?

I don't know.

I do know that the big ball of panic that is taking up residence in me feels like a huge tub stopper. I feel like if I pull it out, all of this will get  washed away in the drain and dumped in the sewer where it belongs. For almost 30 years I have been carrying around so much shame about these events of my childhood.

Perhaps it is about time I unload this particular burden...

Natasha~

date night

You know what is important when you are married with kids? Date night.

Especially after a day with 4 kids under 6. One of these my 4-month old baby nephew, who HAS to be worn at all times. (I think I MAY have forgotten how this is all baby plus other kids stuff is done and I can now honestly say that I do not *in any way* want any more kids!)

Anywho...

Lately, what Natural Urban Dad and I have found, is that date night with another couple is a great way to have even more fun!

You can commiserate with each other, share inappropriate stories that only other parents will understand, and it never drags on and on because everyone needs to get home to pay the babysitter.

So make a list of your couple/parent friends and start double dating again!

And then come home after an amazing meal (and lots of sangria) at Tres Carnales and more wine for dessert and start taking ridiculous Photobooth pictures of yourself!

Trying to appear sultry and failing by managing to make it look like my finger needs to hold up my chin?

CLOSE-UP!

How I am likely to feel in the morning!

Whatevs.....

It was all worth it!

Thanks to J and S, and of course, Natural Urban Dad for a great double date night!

Cheers,

Natasha~

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I know I still have one to catch up on, but here is tonight's (slightly inebriated) post!

Day 28 of the Summer Blog Challenge!

Go see what the sober bloggers have been up to today...

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

 Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

The babysitter conundrum

Ah, the babysitter, that coveted being that you can trust with your kids, that will play with them, feed them, care for them, and keep them alive long enough for you to sneak in a date night here and there, or get to a spin class or do those errands that take 1.5 hours when you are alone, but at least 4 hours when the kids are with you. For some of us the babysitter is a family member. Grandma and Grandpa or the aunties and uncles. But what happens when no family is around to help out? When you live far away from your family or caring for your kids regularly is a bit much for the grandparents?

Besides our family members, my kids have had three babysitters. One is the teenage daughter of my former La Leche League leader and has known my kids since they were teeny tiny and has loved them ever since, one is a wonderful woman that I met at a Modern Mama babysitter mixer and has been our regular day-time sitter for the past 18 months and the third is a new girl that also sits for one of my best friends.

The problem is that two of them are heading back to school in the fall and our regular sitter had the nerve to go off and get married and is starting a family of her own (Sheesh!). So I am now without a regular sitter for any or all of the above reasons that I would need one!

And being as we just moved into a new neighbourhood, I have been keeping my eyes open and ears to the ground for any leads close by. It just so happens that our immediate neighbours across the alley are a lovely family with two teenage boys (14 and 16) and my first thought moving in was, "I wonder if either of them would want to babysit for us?".

I am bringing this up, because the topic of babysitters came up today with the kids while out for a family walk. Little C asked me if our new babysitter was going to be a boy. Up to now and before we moved, I had not really contemplated the idea, mainly because we did not have any boys of the babysitting age around us or available and I already had the best sitters around!

One of my kids favourite story books is a Fancy Nancy one called, "Fancy Nancy & the Sensational Babysitter".  In it Nancy is anxiously awaiting her new babysitter 'Alex' and is bitterly disappointed when HE shows up! In the end Alex turns out to be quite good at this babysitting thing and Nancy gives him a big thumbs up and hopes he comes again soon. The concept of a boy being a babysitter is not a big deal to my children.

But it seems that for others, this is not the case. Tonight just before dinner, I posed this question on both Twitter and Facebook.

"Have you or would you hire a teenage boy to babysit your kids?"

The responses have ranged from a straight up "Hell, no!" to "I have, I do and I would gladly sing his praises. He's an excellent kid and is a fabulous sitter for my 2 year old daughter!".  A few have said that they wouldn't want to 'take the risk' with a boy sitter.  Most comments say that yes, they would and that choosing a sitter is about knowing the person, regardless of gender. A lot of comments have been about fabulous memories of the boy babysitters people had as kids and the common thread is that they often tend to play more with kids than the girls do.

But the two comments that have stood out the most for me are from my friend Farren and from the husband of another friend.

Farren said, "We limit boys and men as nurturers simply by entertaining this idea. Trust people, not genders."

And Doug said, "...Boundaries are defined not only by what they contain, but by what's outside them. It's not about the teenage boy, it's about those who question the teenage boy... and why. It all comes down to individual trust, and I don't see what gender has to do with that."

While the majority of the comments have been that yes, most would or have had a boy babysitter, the ones that won't even consider it an option because of the potential risk that is perceived when a teenage boy is alone with kids and left to his own devices are the ones that are burning a hole in my gut tonight.

I can understand the need to protect our children from any and all potential harm, but what I can't understand is the blatant sexism and prejudice that exists in our world. Yes, there are bad men out there and they do some very bad things {trust me people, THIS I know}, but to paint all boys with a blatant "never gonna happen" paintbrush, just doesn't sit well with me. My 17-year old nephew is a huge kid, he is 6'2" already, has a deep man's voice and is a guy's guy. He is also the most gentle and patient kid I have ever seen. He is an amazing big brother to his 2.5 year old sister and a super fun cousin for my little ones. That someone would think that because he is a boy, this makes him any less caring or potentially more 'dangerous' than say, his 14-year old sister, makes me shake my head.

These boys are the future fathers of our world and like Farren says, why would we want to limit their potential for nurturing? Why not give them a chance to care for small people, to learn these life skills and be better MEN for it? How many of us are married to men who never spent much time with kids before they had their own? Why would we want to perpetuate this cycle?  How can we even start to contemplate a world in which we are all equal when we can't even see a teenage girl and a teenage boy as having equal merit as a babysitter?

I have a lot of questions tonight and not a lot of answers. Doug's comment has me thinking and thinking. About the boundaries that we put up around our children and ourselves. About what we are trying to contain (innocence? theirs? ours?) and what we are trying to keep out. About my own prejudices and fears and from that {not yet talked about} place from which they stem...

The reality is, that I am still in need of a few good babysitters for my roster. If the boys across the alley are game, are good kids (as I suspect they are) and have some basic babysitting skills (IE, can make a mean PB&J sandwich, know a few things about LEGO building and can muddle through a tea party), then I'm pretty sure I am too.

Wish me luck!

Natasha~

What about you? Would you or have you had a boy babysitter care for your kids? Why or why not?

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This is Post 25 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge. 

There are some good ones today from my co-bloggers, please check them out.

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

 Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now