Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #18
A funny thing happens when you decide to quit most of your social media outlets for a month. LIFE.
Or at least one that is your own.
Feminist Fare Fridays has been on a bit of a hiatus this month while I readjusted and re-prioritized and reclaimed MY life. In doing so, I have had time to reflect on how I react to issues and people online, how this can negatively {and positively} affect me and what I want to do about all of it.
What I do know, is that I want to continue with Feminist Fare Fridays and this week I am sharing some of the things that have touched me this past month. Some have enlightened me, some made me think about my choices in life, both big and small, and some are just good food for thought for all of us.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~
1. Privilege. It's something that we hear a lot about these days, but is still often a hard concept for people to A) explain and B) understand. Robot Hugs made this lovely little comic strip about 'Managing Privilege' that is, in my opinion, rather brilliant. I think everyone should read it.
~~~~~
2. I am not a religious person. I believe in God, but over the years, our relationship has become complicated. I grew up in a very Catholic household and Jesus and his teachings were in everything. They are a part of me, even though it is a part I don't talk about a lot. And never, ever, EVER, in all those years of church going and altar serving and Sunday schooling, did I hear from him or his Father, "Thou shalt not bake for the homosexuals!" In fact, I am pretty sure Jesus probably would have turned some boring unleavened bread into a fabulous rainbow cake, because, you know, he was JESUS! With no intent of getting preachy on you, I thought I would share what Rachel Held Evans has to say about the very strong Christian belief in "religious freedom" and the "threats" to it and what everyone needs to remember about what Jesus did for ALL people and what he called us to do too.
~~~~~
3. This weekend is Oscar weekend and I have seen NONE of the films in the Best Picture category and THREE of the five in the Best Animated Film category.This qualifies as a "You know you are a mom when..." moment and I'm gonna go with Frozen as my pick for that one. As for the Best Picture category, all I really hope is that Wolf of Wall Street does not win. No, I have not seen the movie, I don't need to see it to know the kind of utter devastation Jordan Belfort wreaked on people's lives. The movie seems like a celebration, not a condemnation of Belfort's behaviour and Tom Watson ponders the question for the Ms. Magazine blog; "Is a vote for Leo's "Wolf" a vote for sexism?" I can't help but think that yes, yes it is.
~~~~~
4. When was the last time someone gave you a compliment and you simply looked them in the eye and said "Thank you"? It's tough right? How often do you instead, say something along the lines of "Oh, this old thing?" when someone tells you they like your shirt or "I didn't do a thing to it today" when someone comments on how great your hair looks. I know I do this ALL. THE. TIME. Michelle Cove writing for Blogher tells us why learning to accept a compliment is an important lesson to teach our daughters {and ourselves}:
~~~~~
5. March 8th, 2014 is International Women's Day. I will be celebrating women around the world by watching the documentary film Girl Rising and then listening to the incredible Laverne Cox {yes, THAT Laverne Cox from OITNB!!). I can't think of a better way to spend that day! If you want to join me for either of these events in Edmonton, please comment on my "The Value of a Girl" post to win tickets to Girl Rising or check out the Facebook event pages for Girl Rising Edmonton or the Laverne Cox presentation sponsored by the University of Alberta's Gender Based Violence Prevention Project.
~~~~~
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Stay warm Prairie folks. :/
natasha~
the value of a girl
Last night I registered my 5 yr old girl for soccer. I registered her brother too, but for now let's just think about her. She started Kindergarten this past September. Five days a week, for half a day, she is at school, learning, playing, having a healthy snack,and doing a whole lot of other things with a classroom of other girls and boys. Where we live, school is not a get to do thing, it is a must do thing for all children, whether you do so in the public school system, at a private school or through homeschooling or another alternative learning program. School for our kids, for our girls, is simply a given in our lives.
This is not the case in a lot of other parts of our world. I know that you know this, but think for a minute about your own daughter at 5 or 6 years old and then, instead of sending her to school, think about sending her out to walk MILES every day to get clean water for your family. Think about arranging a marriage for your 11 or 13 year old daughter. Think about there being no time for school in your daughter's day because she is a bonded servant (fancy name for slave) for your rich neighbours. It's all rather unthinkable right?
And yet for many, MANY girls in our world, this is their reality. For millions of girls the world over, education is a privilege - often a hard fought one (think Malala) - not a right. Girls around the world face barriers to education that boys do not. Barriers such as early marriage, gender-based violence, domestic slavery and sex-trafficking. Removing these barriers not only means a better life for these girls, it means a safer and more prosperous world for all. And the solution to removing them is simple: educate girls.
Educated girls stand up for their rights, marry and have children later, educate their own children, and their families and communities thrive. Educating girls can break cycles of poverty in just one generation.
GirlRising is a global campaign for girls education. It is a documentary film, it's a movement, it's a powerful teaching tool and it's a call to action for policy makers and educators and change-makers and regular everyday people the world over. GirlRising's mission is to change the way the world values a girl. ALL girls.
The powerful Girl Rising documentary is a feature film about nine girls across the world demonstrating inspiring strength and spirit and who are all fighting in various ways for their voices to be heard, for their education and for a better life for all girls.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]
~~~~~
Join me and Girl Rising Edmonton on International Women's Day, Saturday, March 8th, 2014 for a special screening of this powerful documentary. Details and tickets can be found here.
For two of you, I have a t-shirt and 2 ticket combo prize to give away! Comment below and let me know what Girl Rising and educating girls means to you! Winners will be chosen at random on March 5th, 2014.
Because...
Rise up les filles!
Natasha~
Why do we fall?
I live with superheroes. Seriously, I literally have superheroes all over my house.
A life-sized Captain America shield - check. Thor's Hammer - check. Collectors edition Superman and Spiderman figurines - check. Silver Surfer doing a drop-in off the top of my bed - check. And this is not even the tip of the superhero iceberg. There are toys, lego sets, books, anthologies, DVDs and boxes full of vintage comic books.
All of this is my husband's doing. He grew up reading comic books with his father and brother and learning life lessons from his heroes. He is now passing down that love and those lessons to our children and I have to admit, to me as well.
So, it came as no surprise to me that in thinking about vulnerability and doing some of the "homework" assignments for the Brene Brown Gifts of Imperfection course that I am doing, that one particular lesson from a superhero movie came to mind.
I have been taking a wee break from some of my social media sites this month and have had some time to really think about what effect social media has on me personally. Specifically, I have been staying off of Twitter and severely limiting my time on Facebook and Instagram. The effects of this tiny break have already been seen by my family and have given me some new perspective on how I interact and with whom on the internet.
There has been much written in the past few months about the toxicity of Twitter, especially within the circles of feminism. Michelle Goldberg's piece in The Nation on Feminism's Toxic Twitter Wars set of a veritable toxicity shit-storm across the interwebs and spawned yet another catchy, let's all be sarcastically and aggressively passive aggressive, hashtag called #whitefeministrants. Which, when you sit back and look, in my humble {and yes, white, feminist} opinion, does nothing more than add to the growing vat of toxic "talk" going back and forth. Many a post has been written in response to Goldberg's piece, but what Jessica Wakeman at the Frisky wrote struck me as the closest to the way I see things.
"The toxicity in online feminism contributes to the tuning out of the privileged folks who we all want to be listening. It’s a despairing twist after white feminists have shut out WOC feminist for so long, straight cis women have shut out trans and lesbian women for so long, and men have shut us all out for so long. The solidarity that I believe in is one where we make an effort, for our own betterment and each other’s. It’s one where we listen and learn and don’t jump to conclusions or interpretations of bad faith. It’s one where people who make a good faith effort — be they male or female, straight or gay, cis or trans, white or biracial or WOC — are given the benefit of the doubt. It’s a solidarity that is, above all, kind."
Kindness. There's a thought. What ever happened to that? Can it truly exist online?
~~~~~
The so-called "Mommy Wars" are waged silently and not so silently all over the place, with judgement canons shot daily from all camps. Gasps of "Oh, no she did not!" and "OMG, I would never" and "what the heck is she trying to prove" are heard/read/interpreted and internalized all over Facebook/Pinterest/Instagram and Twitter. Myths abound about doing it all, having it all and finding that mythical land called "Work-Life-Balance" and/or the peaceful island of "ME-time". Media images of being "mom enough" bomb us from every corner, while various labels of what kind of mom you are make it easy for new recruits to pick a side.
We make fun of celebrities choice of clothing, how much weight they gain during pregnancies and what they name their children. We jump all over a mom who writes a post reflecting her value system when teaching her sons about responsible Facebook use or crucify a woman for breastfeeding a three year old and judge her with ridiculous puritanical outrage while simultaneously 'liking' every naked-but-body-painted Swimsuit Illustrated image. And we @ and hashtag to death anyone who dares write something online (however well-researched it may be) that doesn't somehow address all of our collective experiences, cultures, identities and privilege or lack thereof. Our righteous indignation over the most minute of things becomes entangled with true outrage over really important issues, the result of which is a flattening of our response to people, a deadening of our compassion and a alarming foray away from empathy and kindness towards our fellow humans.
In other words, I can't help but feel like no one is allowed to fall anymore.
~~~~~
We have to fall. Like Thomas Wayne says, it's the only way we learn how to get back up. We teach this to our kids everyday. When they fall of their bikes, we teach them to brush themselves off, treat that little bit of road rash as a wicked cool battle wound and get back on their bikes. When they don't get something right the first time, we encourage them to try again. To figure out what went wrong and make the necessary changes to do it better. We teach them that anything worth doing takes practice and patience and perseverance and that in the end they will be rewarded for their efforts. We don't expect perfection from them and when they fall -- and they will fall -- we are there to help them up, to show them kindness and compassion and to encourage them to try again.
But if you are a grown up? Well, it seems the world has different expectations past a certain age.
Somehow as grown-ups we are expected to know it all. We are expected to know how to handle any and all people, situations and life events that come our way. We are constantly being told that "we should know better", but not allowed to make the mistakes that would enable us to learn those important lessons of knowing better. We are all human and we make mistakes. We mess up. We say the wrong thing. And sometimes we make the wrong choice. We simply can't know everything about everyone and every situation and so, we fall.
It is in this falling that we learn. We learn more about who we are, we learn more about the people, places and things in our world, and we learn how to get back up and try again, this time with our new knowledge to help guide us. In falling we recognize our own humanity and that we must be kind to ourselves, speak encouraging words to our inner 'kid who just fell off her bike', brush ourselves off, take a deep breath and get back up. And when we see someone else fall, we must resist the urge to point and pass judgement and announce to everyone around us just how bad a fall it was. We must instead, reach out a hand, help them up and recognize ourselves in that person and their fall. We have to let them know that they are not the only ones who fall and practice a level of compassion and kindness that we would want given to us in a similar situation.
In our overly-critical, hyper-sensitive, online world it's very easy to become afraid to fall for fear of the backlash and instant judgement that our connectedness enables. We are afraid to take a stand on something, because it may not be a popular one. Afraid to admit to doing something that breaks the illusion of perfection and put-togetheredness that we feel we must portray for the world. Afraid to call yourself a feminist because, while you believe in equality and the concept of feminism, you do not want to be lumped in with "that" group. Afraid to admit that you sleep with your kid most nights because that is the only way anyone gets any sleep, because that would make you one of those crazy hippy-dippy co-sleeping moms. This fear can be overwhelming for some and I fully admit that I have felt it more lately than at any other time on the internet and it's made me question what I 'put out there'. For the first time in a long time, I am afraid of being vulnerable (of falling) and that is not ME.
In the end, I have to tell myself that all falling really is, is admitting that I don't know it all, that I will always have more to learn in my lives and that it is OK to actually do that. That it is actually imperative for all of us to do that. And yes, sometimes when we fall, we'll get a bit beat up and a bit of road rash under our skin. Those are the battle wounds and scars that remind us of our falls, of how we got back up again and what we learned through it all.
Because really, where would the world be if Bruce Wayne never learned to pick himself up?
Natasha~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #17
Today's edition comes with a BIG trigger warning. Some of the posts from this week are about childhood sexual abuse and how the Dylan Farrow/Woody Allen situation has brought this topic WAY out from under the carpets that it is often swept under in the name of "it's in the past, time to move on", "allegedly", "but he/she is the nicest person in the world", and all the other ways that society will more often than not choose a blissful shield of ignorance, rather than listen to or hear what happens to 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys in our world (Canadian Statistics). ***If you are not in a place to read these articles, please know this; it is OK, you don't have to. Skip #1. As an alternative, I give you cute baby animals instead! XOXO ****
*****For the record and in the spirit of full disclosure, I believe Dylan Farrow. I am one of the 1 in 3 girls that was sexually abused as a child by a trusted neighbour and there are still people in my life who do not know about it or who don't quite understand what that means to my life now.****
~~~~~~~~~~
1. Dylan Farrow's incredibly raw open letter to to the world about her sexual abuse at the hands of one of the most revered Hollywood directors of our time started a virtual whirlwind of he said/she said, opinions, analysis and thoughtful and not so thoughtful inspection of all aspects of this particular case and of the topic in general all over the internet. Film biographer, Robert B. Weide posted an account on The Daily Beast of what he claims are all the details that everyone was getting so, so wrong about Mr. Woody Allen and his relationships with the women and children in his life 20+ years ago.
Seems to me a closer examination reveals more about corporate media and Hollywood going to bat for their stars and protecting the mighty, then it does about believing victims, protecting victims and providing any kind of justice for victims of sexual abuse at the hands of these "stars". Jennifer Pozner outlines corporate media's rapist problem in very great detail in this post for Salon.
One of the most powerful pieces that I read this week (and for better or for worse, the one that was the most triggering for me personally) was Andrea Grimes look at what exactly would make someone believe a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I can't really say much more about it other than I called my therapist the next morning to book an appointment and simultaneously decided to take a wee break from social media for the rest of the month.
~~~~~
On to lighter topics now....
2. Pussy Riot was on the Colbert Report this week. You'd think two years in a Russian prison would break someone's spirit. Apparently not if you are Nadya Tolokonnikova and Masha Alyokhin. It's a great interview to watch, especially as the ladies give as good as they get from Mr. Colbert, who had a hard time keeping a straight face at times.
~~~~~
3. You know I am a sucker for anything with boobs! Especially when those boobs are feeding babies. This little diddy from Australian duo Sparrow Folk is sure to "ruin your day" (ie, MAKE your day!)
[youtube]http://youtu.be/-dw2XHMUnyE[/youtube]
~~~~~
4. Do you know about GIRL Rising? Well you should. And you should know that I will be talking a lot more about this incredible film and the upcoming screening of it in Edmonton on March 8th, which is also International Women's Day 2014. Watch the trailer below and look for a screening in your area too.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]
~~~~~
5. Who knew how much power women yield over all the poor menfolk out there, with the simple snip of a pair of scissors! JLaw cut her hair and the collective gasp from men was heard the world over. And now Felicia Day, poster-girl for geekdom, has done the same and this is NEWS people. A woman got a haircut and it is newsworthy.... just let that sink in for a minute.... thanks sexism!
~~~~~~~~~
Have a wonderful weekend and be kind to each other and to yourself,
N~
The value of MOTHER.
It's started to happen already. The question whispered on people's lips or straight up asked right to my face. Next year both of my children will be in school full-time and some people are wondering...
"What are you going to do then?"
"What is your plan?"
This full-time school thing is a time of transition for everyone in the family. It is a time of letting go, of lunches packed with love, of good-bye kisses on cheeks, and wishes of having a good day, one that, for the first time, is going to be primarily without each other. I won't deny that it is a time that I am simultaneously dreading and dreaming of; dreading because I won't be the central person safeguarding my babies throughout their days anymore, and dreaming of because it has been seven years since I've had more than 3-4 hours all to myself on a regular basis to do whatever the hell I want!
And I get it. I get why the questions are asked of many, many mothers, who like me, are in stay-at-home roles. The kids are good now, right? They don't need you as much. They can DO all the things for themselves now and for 6-7 hours of the day they will be in the care of other people and learning about their worlds.
The problem I am having with this "the kids don't need me anymore" logic, is that it feels like some kind of default assumption that, as a mother, what I have been doing for the past 7 years is nothing more than providing childcare for my children. That while it is true that I have given them all the basics to function on their own and they truly do not need me for said basics anymore (bum wipes, snotty noses, help with eating, zipping up jackets, etc...), I can now be relieved of my childcare duties. Now that they are school-aged, I can send them off for someone else to watch over for the day and then I can finally get back to being a regular, contributing member of society. You know, one with a 'real' job, and a purpose, and some kind of economic -and therefore societal- VALUE.
In her 2001 bestseller, The Price of Motherhood, Anne Crittenden discusses this concept in depth and shows us that although women may be liberated and on the path to economic equality, mothers are decidedly not.
"The idea that time spent with one's child is time wasted is embedded in traditional economic thinking. People who are not formally employed may create human capital, but they themselves are said to suffer a deterioration of the stuff, as if they were so many pieces of equipment left out to rust."
Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is not all sunshine and beautiful moments and crafting until your fingers bleed, but it is MUCH more than glorified babysitting. It is a long-term commitment to building human character and developing the beings who will be the future of our world. It is about maintaining a healthy sense of attachment with our children so that they can confidently venture out into the world on their own and be caring human beings. Yet for reasons we still can't fully understand or correct, there is no dollar value that society can attach to this 'human capital' development and therefore no value in the people, primarily mothers, doing this work.
I am no fool. I know that if I decided to try to go back to work full-time, it would be a challenge for me from the get go. I'd have to explain my 8 year absence from the workforce. I'd have to somehow bump up my resume with my volunteer work , my writing and the various new skills acquired as a stay-at-home parent (and there are plenty!). Then I would somehow have to make the math add up, fitting an 8 hour work day into a 6 hour school day. This of course leads me to the search for before/after school childcare and the cost of this for two children, which, upon a quick perusal of various programs, would be a minimum of about $800/month. In the few hours between school and bedtime and interspersed with any extra-curricular activities, is where time spent with the children occurs and then after bedtime is when household care occurs. Yeesh! I am exhausted just thinking about this!
Yes, I know that for a lot of families, the choice to work or not is not one that they can make and the scenario above is their reality. I am fully aware of the level of privilege that I have in my life. Single or married, many, many people figure this all out and make it work for their families, and for that they have my utmost respect and admiration. I grew up with a single working mother and three younger siblings and she did make it work. How exactly she did this, I still don't know, but growing up, I was always in awe of her strength and character and how much she sacrificed for us and for the people and institutions that she worked for. Yet as I got older and then had children myself, I wondered just how much of her own self and happiness she sacrificed for us.
In that first year of parenting, the reality of what me going back to work would mean to our family didn't quite hit my husband and I until a few months before the end of that year. That in two months time we would be handing our infant son over to a child-care worker to care for him for most of the day, all of a sudden didn't sit quite so well with either of us. That I would have to stop breastfeeding him on demand and either pump or switch to formula for his nutritional needs wasn't something I was prepared to do. And that the logistics of my job would require me to be away for upwards of 3 days to a week's time at least quarterly and the implications of what this would mean for all of us seemed too daunting. When I found out I was pregnant again around the same time I was to return to work, the decision for me to be the stay at home parent seemed to be the option we were most comfortable with and the one that worked the best for our family. So at the age of 36, and at a point of really starting to climb the proverbial corporate ladder of my career, to use the vernacular of the day, I "opted out".
It is a decision that I do not regret in the least. And of note, it is also a world that I have no desire to "lean {back} in" to either.
Recently I have had two close friends, who are in the same stay-at-home parental boat as me, tell me that they are going back to work later this year. They both have a multitude of reasons for doing so and I completely support these women and understand their reasons for making this decision for themselves and their families.
All except one.
Both have told me that going back to work will allow them to feel like they can finally DO THINGS for themselves without feeling guilty about it.
Here is the thing. I love both of these ladies and have seen them raise their children first hand for the past four years. Like most mothers I know, these are extremely dedicated women, who take care of house, home, children and spouses and all the logistics that go along with that. They have taken on the roles of economist and financial planner for their families, of early childhood educator, of artist/designer/house project manager, of cook/cleaner/chauffeur and mediator of family relations and the list goes on and on. If there were ever two people who deserved to do things for themselves, these two are IT (and yes, they are both probably reading this). They left their careers to be the primary at home caregiver for their families. A 40-hour work week traded in for one that is 24/7, that comes with no pay, no sick days, no health benefits and NO WEEKENDS OFF. Some will argue, "Well, that was their choice, so suck it up ladies!", but that argument falls apart when you take a closer look at the ridiculous expectations and societal parameters that are placed on mothers.
When you have a society that is constantly giving you the mixed messages that what you do as a mother is "the most important job on the planet" and glorifies you to semi-deity status and then simultaneously punishes you economically for leaving the workforce and shames you into sacrificing your very being to the glory that is Mother, it is no surprise that women feel a sense of guilt for wanting something that is just for them. That so many women echo the sentiments of losing themselves in motherhood and not feeling fulfilled in this role, despite all the wonderful praise capital "M" Motherhood elicits, is further testament to how undervalued a role it is, even by those fully entrenched in it. After all of this, the message that does get through is not "you are worth it", it is more often "you didn't earn it"," you don't deserve it", "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" and the ever popular "What exactly do you DO all day?".
I fully support all mothers, in all of their choices, and especially my dear friends on their decision to return to the workforce. I am actually quite excited for them both. My only wish for them and for any of you reading this is that whatever you choose to do in your life, be it working, staying at home, learning to paint, taking a yoga class, hiring a cleaning service, having a nanny, using a day care, getting a pedicure, going for a run or taking an hour long shower BY YOURSELF, that you make these choices with your agency intact and with full knowledge that you are worth it, that you should not feel guilty for wanting something just for you and that your work as Mother is not all of WHO YOU ARE. And even if, for a few years, it sorta-kinda is, please know that your work more than entitles you to being your own person, with her own needs and wants and that you can and should take care of yourself, however that may be. Do it for yourself and do it for your children as well. Let them see the value that you place on yourself, and let them take that message of self-care with them into the world that will one day be theirs.
In case anyone is still wondering what my plan is for next year, I plan on continuing to ensure the attachment and belonging that my children are growing up knowing with me as their mother. My "thing" is my writing and perhaps next year is the year of the great novel/screenplay/manifesto. I may even delve into some painting while I'm at it. Throughout it all though, please know that I support you in your choices, even though they may be different than mine, and that we all are deserving of doing the things that feed our souls.
{Psst.... I'll probably be getting a pedicure and a massage on a regular basis too.}
Take CARE of YOU,
natasha~
One month later....
December was a weird month for me. I had days of feeling complete and utter joy, followed by days of WHAT the HELL is going on?
The internet and the things that I concern myself while on it were making me feel... essentially, NOT good.
So I took a bit of a break. It wasn't really an intentional one, but in the end, it was one that I needed.
I have a lot more to say about all of it and what 2014 holds for me, but it's midnight and I'd like to get to bed.
I'll leave you with the beginnings of one of the projects I am participating in...
The #365feministselfie challenge! Veronica at Viva La Feminista came up with this brilliant idea and she has inspired women all over the world to take up the challenge. Won't you join us?
I am posting my daily selfies primarily to my Instagram account, but will do a weekly or monthly update here too.
Here I am this past week. Filters, no filters, waking up 42, folding laundry, making out with my fake chef boyfriend, "cleaning" my desk and intensely embracing my soccer-mom role, oh, and yes, the one with me in my 'kicky' new apron too. This is not your mama's feminism folks!
Goodnight my lovelies,
natasha~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #14
"You can't be what you can't see."~Miriam Wright Edelman
Last night I attended my first TEDx event called Landscape-Changing Women. It was organized by two ambitious women in Edmonton and was by all accounts a huge success. The highlight of the night for me was hearing and seeing my friend Joanne Minaker up on the stage talking about the importance of Care in our society-she was (and is) brilliant!. From December 4-6 the TEDWomen2013 conference is taking place in San Francisco and more than 58 countries are also joining in with independent TEDxWomen events of their own.
I said in my last post that the landscape is changing and that our time is coming for a more effective feminist revolution. I don't believe that I am wrong, and I am inspired by all the TEDWomen events happening around the world this week, but as you can see from the examples below, we have A LOT more work to do.
~~~~~~~~~~
1. Emilie Graslie is smart. Not a smart girl, not smart for a girl. She is just really, really, smart. And she has a great educational Youtube channel called "The Brain Scoop". On it she talks about all kinds of cool, interesting and amazing topics that she comes across through her work at The Field Museum in Chicago. Emilie also reads all of the comments on her Youtube page and has a few things to say about that too...
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNt7ZLY0Kc&feature=share&list=UUkyfHZ6bY2TjqbJhiH8Y2QQ&index=1[/youtube]
~~~~~
2. And while we are on the topic of women in media, the people at The Representation Project put together this video showing us where the media got it right and where they got it so, so wrong time and again this past year.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/NswJ4kO9uHc[/youtube]
~~~~~
3. We all need to use some stock photography now and then (or you should be using and paying for it, stealing other people's photos is not good). I personally like istockphoto. The folks at NY Mag put together this somewhat hilarious slideshow of stock photos all meant to show us "how to be a feminist". Once again this serves to further prove the point about how women are misrepresented in all kinds of media. And clearly, I don't have enough boxing gloves, ladders, folders or X-rays in my feminist get-up!
~~~~~
4. Take 5 minutes to watch this. And then know that literally 100% of the images of women that you see in advertising and in most magazines are altered. There is absolutely NO possible way for any human woman to "look just like {insert ideal perfect woman here}".
[youtube]http://youtu.be/jWKXit_3rpQ[/youtube]
~~~~~
5. We are taking our kids and their cousins to see "Frozen" after school gets out for winter break. I am not sure who is more excited about this, me or them?! From what I have read about the movie so far, and from what the majority of my friends have said about it, it is a FANTASTIC movie! According to Amanda Rodriguez at Bitch Flicks, it is also Disney's first foray into feminism! AND, slight spoiler alert, it passes the Bechdel Test in the first five minutes of the film. I'll save my full review for after I actually see the movie, but YAY! for Disney (of all media outlets, really) for finally starting to get with the program!
~~~~~
Have you read or watched something that you think I should include in an upcoming edition of Feminist Fare Friday? Send me the link via Twitter or on the Stay at Home Feminist Facebook page.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
natasha~
Michelle Obama, Katniss Everdeen and Me: Our choices & our agency.
I am an almost 42 year old woman. I have a Bachelor's degree in Medical Laboratory Sciences. I have worked in a blood bank, a microbiology lab, a transplant research lab and had a very successful career working for a billion dollar pharmaceutical company. Now, at the pinnacle of my life, I have been married for 10 years, I am a mother to two beautiful children and I left my career almost 7 years ago to care for them and manage our family household.
For a lot of the world, I am the prime example of the opt-out/lean-out woman. For some I am a 'bad' feminist because I am not using my education and contributing my talents to the greater society and earning a living and that I have taken two steps back for womankind, because I am not fighting my way up to and through the glass ceilings of the world.
Recently, Michelle Obama was called a "feminist nightmare" for making decisions in her life very similar to mine; for choosing her 'Mom-in Chief" role over her ivy-league credentials and career success. She has been criticized by some for not living up to their image of the ideal, high-profile feminist role model for women everywhere. And as one critic put it:
The "kind of thing" being referred to, is of course, being a mother. One who worries about what her kids (and what the nation's kids) are eating, one who is concerned with her children (and the nation's children) finishing high school and getting a higher education. You would think from these arguments that these are the kinds of things that only mothers do. That mothers are the only ones concerned about the state of our childrens health and education. That if you are indeed a brilliantly educated and well-connected woman than it is your duty to don your "power-suit" and lean all the way IN, get that big corner office and be in the 'game' with all the big players (read: men) and leave all of those "other" kinds of things for who exactly? All those less educated, less connected grown women?
This is where I think feminism actually starts to confuse people and why it may seem alienating to some as well.
A common theme that I read over and over lately, is how women are damned if we do and damned if we don't in practically all things. If we have children and work - neglect. If we have children and don't work - privileged. If we don't have children - selfish. If we have TOO many children - even more selfish. If we cover up our bodies - fat shamed. If we are naked - slutty. If we are passionate about something - too emotional. If we are not touchy-feely enough - bitch. I could go on and on...
The problem as I see it is that women are indeed damned in this world, because it is a world that was not made for us to succeed in. We are fighting for something that doesn't exist in our past or present society, a world where all humans are equal, where women are not seen as "other". And because this doesn't exist, because no where in our history do we see women valued as equals, we assume that equality means being like the dominant power holders, ie, the men. Regardless of the immense progress that has been made by women towards the goal of equality, our current world is still one of inequality and in our quest to reach our goal, sacrifices are made. Choices must be made by women within a framework that is not of our making and thus judgment ensues.
As I was hashing all of these thoughts out in my brain, the closest, most pop-culture-y analogy that I could think of was The Hunger Games. No, really, just stay with me here....
Think of Katniss and all of the people of Panem outside of the Capitol as women and the Capitol (political and financial power holders) as men. The Hunger Games are a metaphor for The Great Equality Playing Field. Women are all Tributes and placed in an arena that men have built and are forced to make choices that they would otherwise NOT make in order to survive in that arena and win the game. The players have to take down all other tributes on their way to the winners circle. They have to be ruthless. They have to be angry. They have to KILL. The only option for any of the tributes to become more than just a starving citizen of Panem is to win the Hunger Games and even when they do win, they are still living, albeit more lavishly, by the good graces and according the the dictates of the people of the Capitol.
When we take a look at our world and believe that the only way for women to be equal to men is by emulating them, then we are nothing more than tributes fighting in a game that was not created to have more than one kind of winner. There is no winning of the Feminism/Hunger Games given our current socioeconomic and political arena. What happens over and over is a society successfully pretending to change so that nothing changes. The goal is status quo and the outcome of this game is/has always been predetermined. No matter what decisions you make in this game, you are going to sacrifice something and you will be judged for that. And when one of the most visible and high-profile women in our world is maligned for her choice to be a mother first, no one is winning anything.
Oh, there is definitely a "Feminist Nightmare" out there alright, it is just not to be laid at the feet of this one woman and it is not because of her choice to be a mother. Like Kristen Rowe-Finkbeiner, the founder of MomsRising.com said:
What we need now is a different arena in which to shine this light. We need to change the rules of the game. We need to shake up the status quo and we need to start by placing real value on the roles that women choose to prioritize in their lives.THAT is what I see Michelle Obama doing. I see her taking a leading role in changing the way families look at healthy eating and healthy living. I see her making a difference by addressing issues that matter to all mothers (and really, these should be issues and policies that matter to everyone, like Whitney said... "I believe the children are our future.") FLOTUS is showing the world that there is immense value in being a mother and providing the care and nurturing that is important to the well-being of all families. By doing so, she is also bringing to light the issues of economic security for mothers and women, and how and why this is good for everyone.
Women like Michelle Obama are making it possible for women like me to answer the question, "What do you do for a living?" with a sense of pride and confidence in my own Mom-in-Chief-ness. And I am getting better at answering that question with a straight up, I am a MOM. The thing that irks me the most in all of this is that quite A LOT of people think that my life choices (and Michelle's) are not actually real "choices". That I have made them based on the belief that I have somehow been robbed of my agency and forced to make this terribly un-feminist choice for myself. And therein lies the crux of the issue...
How exactly are women to have agency in a world created BY and FOR men?
The hard truth of the matter is that the patriarchy isn't about to step up anytime soon and suddenly say, "Oh, FEMINISM... I see what you've been trying to say now!" Why would they? The playing field has been forever tipped in their favour. And sure, we'll get a few shots and even score some points now and then, but within the current framework of our culture, our history and our society, it is an unfortunate truth that women, and especially mothers, just can't win.
But that doesn't mean we won't stop fighting.
Because...
The landscape is changing and our time is coming.
natasha~