Miracle Milk. make it, donate it, love it.
2,078 Days ago, I delivered a 3 lb, 6 oz baby boy. I kissed his tiny little head and then he was taken away, accompanied by his daddy, to the NICU one floor above me. This is how I entered the world of motherhood. It was at least 3 hours before I was able to see my child and another 5 more before I was able to hold him and all the various tubes and wires attached to him.
I had gestational hypertension throughout my first pregnancy. It was discovered early enough at 26 weeks and we knew that regardless of how well controlled we could keep my blood pressure, the chances were VERY high that I was going to have to deliver the baby before we reached full-term. Outside of my weekly visits to the neonatology clinic for NSTs and ultrasounds, I was put on bed-rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. And I read. I read every book about premature babies that I could find. I learned about the challenges that they face, the complications of early birth and the best practices for how to overcome them.
This was how I learned about the benefits of kangaroo care and babywearing. And this was the first time I heard the phrase "liquid gold" in regards to colostrum and breastmilk. This was also when I learned about the #2 killer of NICU babies, necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). In medical speak, "necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC) is one of the most common gastrointestinal emergencies in the newborn infant. It is a disorder characterized by ischemic necrosis of the intestinal mucosa, which is associated with inflammation, invasion of enteric gas forming organisms, and dissection of gas into the muscularis and portal venous system." (1) In laymans' terms, part of a baby's immature gut basically dies and needs to be surgically removed. It is extremely painful and has both short and long-term complications.
I was fortunate to carry my baby to 35 weeks and have a rather uneventful, albeit quick, delivery. My son was very small and very jaundiced, but otherwise healthy. He even ripped off his oxygen tube in those first few hours in the NICU (a fact my husband is still kind of proud of). Because we had done our research before heading into the NICU, both my husband and I were very insistent that our child only ever be fed breastmilk. I started pumping within hours of his birth and then set my alarm for every three hours and religiously pumped either at the hospital or at home to ensure that my milk came in and that he would have enough human breast milk at all times.
Some of the babies in our "pod" in the NICU were not as fortunate and had indeed succumbed to NEC. I remember the young mom of the baby next to us coming in every day to change her baby's ostomy bag (she insisted on doing it herself) and hoping that this would be the day that the doctors told her that his gut was healed, he could have his next surgery and that the hole in his belly would be closed up.
NEC sickens 5,000 U.S. and Canadian premature babies per year, of which roughly 500 die from the disease. Feeding fragile and compromised babies human milk – whether from the mother or by donor — has been shown to reduce the risk of NEC by 79%. For all these reasons, The Canadian Pediatric Society says “human breastmilk provides a bioactive matrix of benefits that cannot be replicated by any other source of nutrition.” The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends human milk, by mother or by donor, for all preterm infants. Both the AAP and CPS clearly recognize the life-saving power of donor milk for preterm babies.(2)
Yesterday, I participated in the first Best for Babes Miracle Milk™ Mother's Day Stroll. This North American campaign was started to raise awareness, funds and donor milk to save lives and spare the suffering of our most fragile population -- preterm and compromised babies. This is the first year for the Miracle Milk Stroll and Edmonton was one of almost 70 sites – 11 in Canada, 57 in the US and 2 on military bases in England who participated.
There are still NICUs within Canada and the US who do not or can not provide human milk for these preemie babies and this is why we stroll. To raise more awareness of the importance of human milk for human babies and the need for donor milk and for more milk banks across North America. Parents, health care providers and hospital administrators need to know more about the critical importance of an exclusive human milk diet in a preterm baby’s care or about the accessibility, safety and life-saving power of donor milk if mother’s own milk is not available.
I was extremely proud that the kids and I got to be a part of this inaugural campaign and encourage you to find out more about how you can help these tiny babies in your community.
Yes, that is my preemie now in the grey sweatshirt.
Find out where your local milk bank is and donate and please check out the Best for Babes website and all the ways you can help mothers and babies.
In Canada, we now have four human milk banks that you can donate to {monetarily or milkily} in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto and Montreal. Edmonton has it own Milk Bank Depot at the Grey Nuns Hospital where donations can be dropped off as well.
Tell your friends about how important human milk is for these compromised babies and how easy and safe it is to donate milk!
And of course, wear your Miracle Milk™ T-shirt with pride!
Happy Mother's Day Everyone!
natasha~
1. Neu J. Necrotizing enterocolitis: the search for a unifying pathogenic theory leading to prevention. Pediatr Clin North Am 1996; 43:409.
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #18
A funny thing happens when you decide to quit most of your social media outlets for a month. LIFE.
Or at least one that is your own.
Feminist Fare Fridays has been on a bit of a hiatus this month while I readjusted and re-prioritized and reclaimed MY life. In doing so, I have had time to reflect on how I react to issues and people online, how this can negatively {and positively} affect me and what I want to do about all of it.
What I do know, is that I want to continue with Feminist Fare Fridays and this week I am sharing some of the things that have touched me this past month. Some have enlightened me, some made me think about my choices in life, both big and small, and some are just good food for thought for all of us.
Enjoy.
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1. Privilege. It's something that we hear a lot about these days, but is still often a hard concept for people to A) explain and B) understand. Robot Hugs made this lovely little comic strip about 'Managing Privilege' that is, in my opinion, rather brilliant. I think everyone should read it.
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2. I am not a religious person. I believe in God, but over the years, our relationship has become complicated. I grew up in a very Catholic household and Jesus and his teachings were in everything. They are a part of me, even though it is a part I don't talk about a lot. And never, ever, EVER, in all those years of church going and altar serving and Sunday schooling, did I hear from him or his Father, "Thou shalt not bake for the homosexuals!" In fact, I am pretty sure Jesus probably would have turned some boring unleavened bread into a fabulous rainbow cake, because, you know, he was JESUS! With no intent of getting preachy on you, I thought I would share what Rachel Held Evans has to say about the very strong Christian belief in "religious freedom" and the "threats" to it and what everyone needs to remember about what Jesus did for ALL people and what he called us to do too.
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3. This weekend is Oscar weekend and I have seen NONE of the films in the Best Picture category and THREE of the five in the Best Animated Film category.This qualifies as a "You know you are a mom when..." moment and I'm gonna go with Frozen as my pick for that one. As for the Best Picture category, all I really hope is that Wolf of Wall Street does not win. No, I have not seen the movie, I don't need to see it to know the kind of utter devastation Jordan Belfort wreaked on people's lives. The movie seems like a celebration, not a condemnation of Belfort's behaviour and Tom Watson ponders the question for the Ms. Magazine blog; "Is a vote for Leo's "Wolf" a vote for sexism?" I can't help but think that yes, yes it is.
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4. When was the last time someone gave you a compliment and you simply looked them in the eye and said "Thank you"? It's tough right? How often do you instead, say something along the lines of "Oh, this old thing?" when someone tells you they like your shirt or "I didn't do a thing to it today" when someone comments on how great your hair looks. I know I do this ALL. THE. TIME. Michelle Cove writing for Blogher tells us why learning to accept a compliment is an important lesson to teach our daughters {and ourselves}:
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5. March 8th, 2014 is International Women's Day. I will be celebrating women around the world by watching the documentary film Girl Rising and then listening to the incredible Laverne Cox {yes, THAT Laverne Cox from OITNB!!). I can't think of a better way to spend that day! If you want to join me for either of these events in Edmonton, please comment on my "The Value of a Girl" post to win tickets to Girl Rising or check out the Facebook event pages for Girl Rising Edmonton or the Laverne Cox presentation sponsored by the University of Alberta's Gender Based Violence Prevention Project.
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Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Stay warm Prairie folks. :/
natasha~
the value of a girl
Last night I registered my 5 yr old girl for soccer. I registered her brother too, but for now let's just think about her. She started Kindergarten this past September. Five days a week, for half a day, she is at school, learning, playing, having a healthy snack,and doing a whole lot of other things with a classroom of other girls and boys. Where we live, school is not a get to do thing, it is a must do thing for all children, whether you do so in the public school system, at a private school or through homeschooling or another alternative learning program. School for our kids, for our girls, is simply a given in our lives.
This is not the case in a lot of other parts of our world. I know that you know this, but think for a minute about your own daughter at 5 or 6 years old and then, instead of sending her to school, think about sending her out to walk MILES every day to get clean water for your family. Think about arranging a marriage for your 11 or 13 year old daughter. Think about there being no time for school in your daughter's day because she is a bonded servant (fancy name for slave) for your rich neighbours. It's all rather unthinkable right?
And yet for many, MANY girls in our world, this is their reality. For millions of girls the world over, education is a privilege - often a hard fought one (think Malala) - not a right. Girls around the world face barriers to education that boys do not. Barriers such as early marriage, gender-based violence, domestic slavery and sex-trafficking. Removing these barriers not only means a better life for these girls, it means a safer and more prosperous world for all. And the solution to removing them is simple: educate girls.
Educated girls stand up for their rights, marry and have children later, educate their own children, and their families and communities thrive. Educating girls can break cycles of poverty in just one generation.
GirlRising is a global campaign for girls education. It is a documentary film, it's a movement, it's a powerful teaching tool and it's a call to action for policy makers and educators and change-makers and regular everyday people the world over. GirlRising's mission is to change the way the world values a girl. ALL girls.
The powerful Girl Rising documentary is a feature film about nine girls across the world demonstrating inspiring strength and spirit and who are all fighting in various ways for their voices to be heard, for their education and for a better life for all girls.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]
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Join me and Girl Rising Edmonton on International Women's Day, Saturday, March 8th, 2014 for a special screening of this powerful documentary. Details and tickets can be found here.
For two of you, I have a t-shirt and 2 ticket combo prize to give away! Comment below and let me know what Girl Rising and educating girls means to you! Winners will be chosen at random on March 5th, 2014.
Because...
Rise up les filles!
Natasha~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #17
Today's edition comes with a BIG trigger warning. Some of the posts from this week are about childhood sexual abuse and how the Dylan Farrow/Woody Allen situation has brought this topic WAY out from under the carpets that it is often swept under in the name of "it's in the past, time to move on", "allegedly", "but he/she is the nicest person in the world", and all the other ways that society will more often than not choose a blissful shield of ignorance, rather than listen to or hear what happens to 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys in our world (Canadian Statistics). ***If you are not in a place to read these articles, please know this; it is OK, you don't have to. Skip #1. As an alternative, I give you cute baby animals instead! XOXO ****
*****For the record and in the spirit of full disclosure, I believe Dylan Farrow. I am one of the 1 in 3 girls that was sexually abused as a child by a trusted neighbour and there are still people in my life who do not know about it or who don't quite understand what that means to my life now.****
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1. Dylan Farrow's incredibly raw open letter to to the world about her sexual abuse at the hands of one of the most revered Hollywood directors of our time started a virtual whirlwind of he said/she said, opinions, analysis and thoughtful and not so thoughtful inspection of all aspects of this particular case and of the topic in general all over the internet. Film biographer, Robert B. Weide posted an account on The Daily Beast of what he claims are all the details that everyone was getting so, so wrong about Mr. Woody Allen and his relationships with the women and children in his life 20+ years ago.
Seems to me a closer examination reveals more about corporate media and Hollywood going to bat for their stars and protecting the mighty, then it does about believing victims, protecting victims and providing any kind of justice for victims of sexual abuse at the hands of these "stars". Jennifer Pozner outlines corporate media's rapist problem in very great detail in this post for Salon.
One of the most powerful pieces that I read this week (and for better or for worse, the one that was the most triggering for me personally) was Andrea Grimes look at what exactly would make someone believe a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I can't really say much more about it other than I called my therapist the next morning to book an appointment and simultaneously decided to take a wee break from social media for the rest of the month.
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On to lighter topics now....
2. Pussy Riot was on the Colbert Report this week. You'd think two years in a Russian prison would break someone's spirit. Apparently not if you are Nadya Tolokonnikova and Masha Alyokhin. It's a great interview to watch, especially as the ladies give as good as they get from Mr. Colbert, who had a hard time keeping a straight face at times.
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3. You know I am a sucker for anything with boobs! Especially when those boobs are feeding babies. This little diddy from Australian duo Sparrow Folk is sure to "ruin your day" (ie, MAKE your day!)
[youtube]http://youtu.be/-dw2XHMUnyE[/youtube]
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4. Do you know about GIRL Rising? Well you should. And you should know that I will be talking a lot more about this incredible film and the upcoming screening of it in Edmonton on March 8th, which is also International Women's Day 2014. Watch the trailer below and look for a screening in your area too.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]
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5. Who knew how much power women yield over all the poor menfolk out there, with the simple snip of a pair of scissors! JLaw cut her hair and the collective gasp from men was heard the world over. And now Felicia Day, poster-girl for geekdom, has done the same and this is NEWS people. A woman got a haircut and it is newsworthy.... just let that sink in for a minute.... thanks sexism!
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Have a wonderful weekend and be kind to each other and to yourself,
N~
The value of MOTHER.
It's started to happen already. The question whispered on people's lips or straight up asked right to my face. Next year both of my children will be in school full-time and some people are wondering...
"What are you going to do then?"
"What is your plan?"
This full-time school thing is a time of transition for everyone in the family. It is a time of letting go, of lunches packed with love, of good-bye kisses on cheeks, and wishes of having a good day, one that, for the first time, is going to be primarily without each other. I won't deny that it is a time that I am simultaneously dreading and dreaming of; dreading because I won't be the central person safeguarding my babies throughout their days anymore, and dreaming of because it has been seven years since I've had more than 3-4 hours all to myself on a regular basis to do whatever the hell I want!
And I get it. I get why the questions are asked of many, many mothers, who like me, are in stay-at-home roles. The kids are good now, right? They don't need you as much. They can DO all the things for themselves now and for 6-7 hours of the day they will be in the care of other people and learning about their worlds.
The problem I am having with this "the kids don't need me anymore" logic, is that it feels like some kind of default assumption that, as a mother, what I have been doing for the past 7 years is nothing more than providing childcare for my children. That while it is true that I have given them all the basics to function on their own and they truly do not need me for said basics anymore (bum wipes, snotty noses, help with eating, zipping up jackets, etc...), I can now be relieved of my childcare duties. Now that they are school-aged, I can send them off for someone else to watch over for the day and then I can finally get back to being a regular, contributing member of society. You know, one with a 'real' job, and a purpose, and some kind of economic -and therefore societal- VALUE.
In her 2001 bestseller, The Price of Motherhood, Anne Crittenden discusses this concept in depth and shows us that although women may be liberated and on the path to economic equality, mothers are decidedly not.
"The idea that time spent with one's child is time wasted is embedded in traditional economic thinking. People who are not formally employed may create human capital, but they themselves are said to suffer a deterioration of the stuff, as if they were so many pieces of equipment left out to rust."
Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is not all sunshine and beautiful moments and crafting until your fingers bleed, but it is MUCH more than glorified babysitting. It is a long-term commitment to building human character and developing the beings who will be the future of our world. It is about maintaining a healthy sense of attachment with our children so that they can confidently venture out into the world on their own and be caring human beings. Yet for reasons we still can't fully understand or correct, there is no dollar value that society can attach to this 'human capital' development and therefore no value in the people, primarily mothers, doing this work.
I am no fool. I know that if I decided to try to go back to work full-time, it would be a challenge for me from the get go. I'd have to explain my 8 year absence from the workforce. I'd have to somehow bump up my resume with my volunteer work , my writing and the various new skills acquired as a stay-at-home parent (and there are plenty!). Then I would somehow have to make the math add up, fitting an 8 hour work day into a 6 hour school day. This of course leads me to the search for before/after school childcare and the cost of this for two children, which, upon a quick perusal of various programs, would be a minimum of about $800/month. In the few hours between school and bedtime and interspersed with any extra-curricular activities, is where time spent with the children occurs and then after bedtime is when household care occurs. Yeesh! I am exhausted just thinking about this!
Yes, I know that for a lot of families, the choice to work or not is not one that they can make and the scenario above is their reality. I am fully aware of the level of privilege that I have in my life. Single or married, many, many people figure this all out and make it work for their families, and for that they have my utmost respect and admiration. I grew up with a single working mother and three younger siblings and she did make it work. How exactly she did this, I still don't know, but growing up, I was always in awe of her strength and character and how much she sacrificed for us and for the people and institutions that she worked for. Yet as I got older and then had children myself, I wondered just how much of her own self and happiness she sacrificed for us.
In that first year of parenting, the reality of what me going back to work would mean to our family didn't quite hit my husband and I until a few months before the end of that year. That in two months time we would be handing our infant son over to a child-care worker to care for him for most of the day, all of a sudden didn't sit quite so well with either of us. That I would have to stop breastfeeding him on demand and either pump or switch to formula for his nutritional needs wasn't something I was prepared to do. And that the logistics of my job would require me to be away for upwards of 3 days to a week's time at least quarterly and the implications of what this would mean for all of us seemed too daunting. When I found out I was pregnant again around the same time I was to return to work, the decision for me to be the stay at home parent seemed to be the option we were most comfortable with and the one that worked the best for our family. So at the age of 36, and at a point of really starting to climb the proverbial corporate ladder of my career, to use the vernacular of the day, I "opted out".
It is a decision that I do not regret in the least. And of note, it is also a world that I have no desire to "lean {back} in" to either.
Recently I have had two close friends, who are in the same stay-at-home parental boat as me, tell me that they are going back to work later this year. They both have a multitude of reasons for doing so and I completely support these women and understand their reasons for making this decision for themselves and their families.
All except one.
Both have told me that going back to work will allow them to feel like they can finally DO THINGS for themselves without feeling guilty about it.
Here is the thing. I love both of these ladies and have seen them raise their children first hand for the past four years. Like most mothers I know, these are extremely dedicated women, who take care of house, home, children and spouses and all the logistics that go along with that. They have taken on the roles of economist and financial planner for their families, of early childhood educator, of artist/designer/house project manager, of cook/cleaner/chauffeur and mediator of family relations and the list goes on and on. If there were ever two people who deserved to do things for themselves, these two are IT (and yes, they are both probably reading this). They left their careers to be the primary at home caregiver for their families. A 40-hour work week traded in for one that is 24/7, that comes with no pay, no sick days, no health benefits and NO WEEKENDS OFF. Some will argue, "Well, that was their choice, so suck it up ladies!", but that argument falls apart when you take a closer look at the ridiculous expectations and societal parameters that are placed on mothers.
When you have a society that is constantly giving you the mixed messages that what you do as a mother is "the most important job on the planet" and glorifies you to semi-deity status and then simultaneously punishes you economically for leaving the workforce and shames you into sacrificing your very being to the glory that is Mother, it is no surprise that women feel a sense of guilt for wanting something that is just for them. That so many women echo the sentiments of losing themselves in motherhood and not feeling fulfilled in this role, despite all the wonderful praise capital "M" Motherhood elicits, is further testament to how undervalued a role it is, even by those fully entrenched in it. After all of this, the message that does get through is not "you are worth it", it is more often "you didn't earn it"," you don't deserve it", "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" and the ever popular "What exactly do you DO all day?".
I fully support all mothers, in all of their choices, and especially my dear friends on their decision to return to the workforce. I am actually quite excited for them both. My only wish for them and for any of you reading this is that whatever you choose to do in your life, be it working, staying at home, learning to paint, taking a yoga class, hiring a cleaning service, having a nanny, using a day care, getting a pedicure, going for a run or taking an hour long shower BY YOURSELF, that you make these choices with your agency intact and with full knowledge that you are worth it, that you should not feel guilty for wanting something just for you and that your work as Mother is not all of WHO YOU ARE. And even if, for a few years, it sorta-kinda is, please know that your work more than entitles you to being your own person, with her own needs and wants and that you can and should take care of yourself, however that may be. Do it for yourself and do it for your children as well. Let them see the value that you place on yourself, and let them take that message of self-care with them into the world that will one day be theirs.
In case anyone is still wondering what my plan is for next year, I plan on continuing to ensure the attachment and belonging that my children are growing up knowing with me as their mother. My "thing" is my writing and perhaps next year is the year of the great novel/screenplay/manifesto. I may even delve into some painting while I'm at it. Throughout it all though, please know that I support you in your choices, even though they may be different than mine, and that we all are deserving of doing the things that feed our souls.
{Psst.... I'll probably be getting a pedicure and a massage on a regular basis too.}
Take CARE of YOU,
natasha~
One month later....
December was a weird month for me. I had days of feeling complete and utter joy, followed by days of WHAT the HELL is going on?
The internet and the things that I concern myself while on it were making me feel... essentially, NOT good.
So I took a bit of a break. It wasn't really an intentional one, but in the end, it was one that I needed.
I have a lot more to say about all of it and what 2014 holds for me, but it's midnight and I'd like to get to bed.
I'll leave you with the beginnings of one of the projects I am participating in...
The #365feministselfie challenge! Veronica at Viva La Feminista came up with this brilliant idea and she has inspired women all over the world to take up the challenge. Won't you join us?
I am posting my daily selfies primarily to my Instagram account, but will do a weekly or monthly update here too.
Here I am this past week. Filters, no filters, waking up 42, folding laundry, making out with my fake chef boyfriend, "cleaning" my desk and intensely embracing my soccer-mom role, oh, and yes, the one with me in my 'kicky' new apron too. This is not your mama's feminism folks!
Goodnight my lovelies,
natasha~
Michelle Obama, Katniss Everdeen and Me: Our choices & our agency.
I am an almost 42 year old woman. I have a Bachelor's degree in Medical Laboratory Sciences. I have worked in a blood bank, a microbiology lab, a transplant research lab and had a very successful career working for a billion dollar pharmaceutical company. Now, at the pinnacle of my life, I have been married for 10 years, I am a mother to two beautiful children and I left my career almost 7 years ago to care for them and manage our family household.
For a lot of the world, I am the prime example of the opt-out/lean-out woman. For some I am a 'bad' feminist because I am not using my education and contributing my talents to the greater society and earning a living and that I have taken two steps back for womankind, because I am not fighting my way up to and through the glass ceilings of the world.
Recently, Michelle Obama was called a "feminist nightmare" for making decisions in her life very similar to mine; for choosing her 'Mom-in Chief" role over her ivy-league credentials and career success. She has been criticized by some for not living up to their image of the ideal, high-profile feminist role model for women everywhere. And as one critic put it:
The "kind of thing" being referred to, is of course, being a mother. One who worries about what her kids (and what the nation's kids) are eating, one who is concerned with her children (and the nation's children) finishing high school and getting a higher education. You would think from these arguments that these are the kinds of things that only mothers do. That mothers are the only ones concerned about the state of our childrens health and education. That if you are indeed a brilliantly educated and well-connected woman than it is your duty to don your "power-suit" and lean all the way IN, get that big corner office and be in the 'game' with all the big players (read: men) and leave all of those "other" kinds of things for who exactly? All those less educated, less connected grown women?
This is where I think feminism actually starts to confuse people and why it may seem alienating to some as well.
A common theme that I read over and over lately, is how women are damned if we do and damned if we don't in practically all things. If we have children and work - neglect. If we have children and don't work - privileged. If we don't have children - selfish. If we have TOO many children - even more selfish. If we cover up our bodies - fat shamed. If we are naked - slutty. If we are passionate about something - too emotional. If we are not touchy-feely enough - bitch. I could go on and on...
The problem as I see it is that women are indeed damned in this world, because it is a world that was not made for us to succeed in. We are fighting for something that doesn't exist in our past or present society, a world where all humans are equal, where women are not seen as "other". And because this doesn't exist, because no where in our history do we see women valued as equals, we assume that equality means being like the dominant power holders, ie, the men. Regardless of the immense progress that has been made by women towards the goal of equality, our current world is still one of inequality and in our quest to reach our goal, sacrifices are made. Choices must be made by women within a framework that is not of our making and thus judgment ensues.
As I was hashing all of these thoughts out in my brain, the closest, most pop-culture-y analogy that I could think of was The Hunger Games. No, really, just stay with me here....
Think of Katniss and all of the people of Panem outside of the Capitol as women and the Capitol (political and financial power holders) as men. The Hunger Games are a metaphor for The Great Equality Playing Field. Women are all Tributes and placed in an arena that men have built and are forced to make choices that they would otherwise NOT make in order to survive in that arena and win the game. The players have to take down all other tributes on their way to the winners circle. They have to be ruthless. They have to be angry. They have to KILL. The only option for any of the tributes to become more than just a starving citizen of Panem is to win the Hunger Games and even when they do win, they are still living, albeit more lavishly, by the good graces and according the the dictates of the people of the Capitol.
When we take a look at our world and believe that the only way for women to be equal to men is by emulating them, then we are nothing more than tributes fighting in a game that was not created to have more than one kind of winner. There is no winning of the Feminism/Hunger Games given our current socioeconomic and political arena. What happens over and over is a society successfully pretending to change so that nothing changes. The goal is status quo and the outcome of this game is/has always been predetermined. No matter what decisions you make in this game, you are going to sacrifice something and you will be judged for that. And when one of the most visible and high-profile women in our world is maligned for her choice to be a mother first, no one is winning anything.
Oh, there is definitely a "Feminist Nightmare" out there alright, it is just not to be laid at the feet of this one woman and it is not because of her choice to be a mother. Like Kristen Rowe-Finkbeiner, the founder of MomsRising.com said:
What we need now is a different arena in which to shine this light. We need to change the rules of the game. We need to shake up the status quo and we need to start by placing real value on the roles that women choose to prioritize in their lives.THAT is what I see Michelle Obama doing. I see her taking a leading role in changing the way families look at healthy eating and healthy living. I see her making a difference by addressing issues that matter to all mothers (and really, these should be issues and policies that matter to everyone, like Whitney said... "I believe the children are our future.") FLOTUS is showing the world that there is immense value in being a mother and providing the care and nurturing that is important to the well-being of all families. By doing so, she is also bringing to light the issues of economic security for mothers and women, and how and why this is good for everyone.
Women like Michelle Obama are making it possible for women like me to answer the question, "What do you do for a living?" with a sense of pride and confidence in my own Mom-in-Chief-ness. And I am getting better at answering that question with a straight up, I am a MOM. The thing that irks me the most in all of this is that quite A LOT of people think that my life choices (and Michelle's) are not actually real "choices". That I have made them based on the belief that I have somehow been robbed of my agency and forced to make this terribly un-feminist choice for myself. And therein lies the crux of the issue...
How exactly are women to have agency in a world created BY and FOR men?
The hard truth of the matter is that the patriarchy isn't about to step up anytime soon and suddenly say, "Oh, FEMINISM... I see what you've been trying to say now!" Why would they? The playing field has been forever tipped in their favour. And sure, we'll get a few shots and even score some points now and then, but within the current framework of our culture, our history and our society, it is an unfortunate truth that women, and especially mothers, just can't win.
But that doesn't mean we won't stop fighting.
Because...
The landscape is changing and our time is coming.
natasha~
"Likes" don't save lives: #UNICEFDay 2013
Halloween is upon us and when it comes to this childhood tradition, like many things in my life, I am a purist. I like to encourage my kids to think outside the box (or racks) of traditional gender-biased costumes, I like to decorate our front porch with that crazy spider web stuff and DANGER tape everywhere and like the good hardy Canadian kids that they are, my children don their snow pants, squeeze their costumes on over top and go door to door in our neighbourhood screaming "TRICK OR TREAT" at the top of their little lungs. It's how I did it as a kid and I feel it is important to maintain these traditions for my kids. One of the things that I do miss from my childhood and that was always part of Halloween growing up were the little orange UNICEF boxes that everyone had as the ultimate accessory to their costume. My brothers and I used to have a little bit of a competition every year to see who could collect the most pennies and whoever had the heaviest box at the end of the night would get to pick something from the others candy haul. Those were some good {cavity-inducing) times.
And while the orange boxes may not be around anymore (UNICEF Canada cancelled the program in 2006), UNICEF continues to do amazing things for children all over the world. I had a chance to talk to some wonderful UNICEF representatives while I was at Blissdom Canada a few weeks ago and got a mini tour of UNICEF's main programs and humanitarian efforts that directly affect children around the world. It was an eye-opening, tear-inducing, heart-breaking and hope-creating experience for me.
From tasting the Plumpy Nut high protein therapeutic food that they provide for malnourished children, to following the trajectory of a vaccine from manufacturing to a child in a tiny village in a remote area of Mongolia, to picking up the VERY HEAVY jugs that children have to haul miles every day just to have safe drinking water for their families, it was humbling and inspiring to see what all those pennies we used to collect have done and what donations to UNICEF continue to do today for children the world over.
The one program that touched me the most was UNICEFs work with children in refugee camps. In the UNICEF room at Blissdom, hanging on the walls were pictures that were drawn by Syrian children from refugee camps and I am still haunted by their artwork. I have two children who love to express themselves through art. My 7 year old loves to draw pictures of dinosaurs and his latest Hero Factory toy and my daughter draws pictures of animals and her family daily. This is what Syrian kids are drawing...
And not because they saw these images on some superhero-to-the-rescue cartoon show, this is their REAL LIFE. We hear about Syria every other day in the news and the focus is always on drone warfare and chemical weapons and trying to figure out who is the bad guy in this particular war and what, if anything, we are to do about it. What we don't hear about are the over 3 million children IN Syria living in dire situations and caught in the lines of fire or about the over 1 MILLION children that have been displaced from their homes and are now living in refugee camps in Lebanon, Jordan, Iraq, Turkey and other regions of North Africa.
UNICEF has multiple ways that they help in these situations and one of them is through their Survival Gifts donation program. For just over $200 dollars you can send a whole school in a box to a refugee camp. Or an early childhood development box. These are literally big steel boxes with enough supplies for up to 50 kids that get shipped to the areas that need them. A tent can be turned into a school. The shade of a big tree can become a play area for toddlers. In the grand scheme of things this 'gifts' may not seem like much, but for a child who has lost everything and who is in a strange place and has a terribly uncertain future, a slice of normalcy-reading a book, learning his or her letters and numbers or stacking some blocks-can be just what is needed so that all hope is not lost and so that they don't forget what it means to just be a kid. There are many other much needed survival gifts that can be purchased and some for as little as $10.00. It really doesn't take much to help save a life.
Thursday, October 31st, 2013 is national #UNICEFDay. Won't you please join me and support UNICEF's work and NOT "LIKE" THIS POST at all! Instead, please visit Unicef.ca and purchase a life-saving survival gift. Think of it as a your little orange box and fill that sucker up with as much as you can. Somewhere in the world there is no Halloween, no trick-or-treating and no dress-up school parties to attend today. There is only fear, and hunger, and sickness, and despair, and no amount of "likes" is going to change that.
A gift of medicines, of tools for education, of blankets and nutritional supplements, these are the things that offer hope and comfort to these kids. So please, Tweet about #UNICEFDAY all day long, post it all over your Facebook page, and then walk the walk and let everyone know that your support goes further than just sharing something on your timeline.
I just bought a School-in-a-Box.
In my mind, it is one ginormous orange UNICEF box and someone now owes me some of their candy!
Happy #UNICEFDay Everyone!
Natasha~
P.S. Disclosure - I was not compensated in any way for this post, but thanks to the generosity of Hallmark, because of this post, 10 children will be getting a live-saving vaccination.
P.P.S. Want to get in on that action? Head on over and give UNICEF your email address and you too can help a child get vaccinated. One email address = one vaccine = one child's life.