the resilience lie
A friend asked a question on Facebook the other day about what resilience means in the context of health and fitness and recovery and, as I have recovered from multiple health and surgical related issues in my life, I have some thoughts on this topic. On the expectations of what we think recovery should look like and why I feel like this is something that needs to be talked about a whole heck of a lot more in the recovery and rehabilitation community.
She also posted the dictionary definition of the word RESILIENCE and the more I look at it, the more I think it’s one of those words we use often, but in the vein of Vizini, from The Princess Bride….
The dictionary defines resilience as the capacity to recover QUICKLY from difficulties. Toughness, elasticity. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL…
Okay, I am fine, I have picked myself up off the floor.
For some people, and in some situations, recovering from life’s difficulties can be quick. They can easily spring back to where they were before “the thing” happened. Maybe “the thing that happened” was just a blip, a temporary oops in the universe, and springing back to normal is just that, a simple rebound, a course correction, and BAM! back on track. Good for those people. I am so happy for those people. I am not talking about those people.
The best way I can describe what I mean is by talking about my knees. Yes, my knees, and my knee replacement surgeries and my recovery from these surgeries. But the story started way before that…
As you know, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was diagnosed at 19 years old, something my rheumatologists have now agreed was likely a late diagnosis of Juvenile RA. A disease that unlike the regular RA that hits people later in life with the usual characteristics of gnarled arthritic hands, JRA likes to target your BIG joints. Hips, knees, shoulders, elbows; you know the ones that let you move like a human being and not a robot. At 23, a mere four years after my initial diagnosis (and remember, a late one for JRA), I took a semester off from University and had both my hips replaced. I was the youngest person the nurses had ever had on the unit getting not one, but two hip replacements. And aside from my messed up hips, I had the body of a typical 23 year old. In other words, I was bouncy and elastic (ie: resilient) A.F!
The part about the definition of resilience and my own resistance to the whole “bounce back” narrative, is bounce back to what? At 23, sure it was easy to bounce back after having hip surgery. I was back at work and school within a month of each hip and dancing on speakers at Rebar* not long after that. I didn’t have to think about my resilience at this point in my life, because who isn’t a bloody elastic in their mid-twenties? But there are limits and restrictions after this kind of surgery (and any kind really) and no matter how much I wanted to get back to “normal” after having both my hips replaced, that was never going to happen. To put that kind of pressure on myself was a terrible burden, one that I carried around for a long time. I thought I had to be like everyone else around me, pretend that I didn’t have a chronic disease, didn’t have two major surgeries in under three months, and didn’t need to think about them anymore and could go back to regularly scheduled content. I convinced myself for more years than I like to admit that I wasn’t ever going to let this disease, these surgeries, DEFINE me.
Fast forward 25 years, and in 2016, I was once again facing the prospect of double joint replacements. In my mind, I had convinced myself that I’d get these damn knees of mine replaced and just like that, I’d be pain-free and fully mobile once again. RESILIENCE EXPECTATIONS Y’ALL!
And once again, being a young-ish (by joint-replacement standards) orthopaedic patient, I recovered from these surgeries rather well. I was in and out of the hospital with no complications in under three days for both knees. I did all my exercises as prescribed by the physiotherapists and at my three months follow-up appointment, I impressed everyone with my almost full range of motion in my knees.
The thing was (and still is), NO ONE EVER ASKED ABOUT THE REST OF MY BODY!
Picture this - you have RA in your knees and for years the tissue and joint space is degenerating, at one point you have an arthroplastic procedure to “clean it up a bit”, but the damage continues. It continues to the point that your gait is affected, your knees start to buckle and you become visibly knock-kneed. When you finally make it to the surgeon and on the wait list for knee replacements, he tells you not to worry, he will straighten out your knees and you’ll be good as new after surgery.
Here is a visual for you. These are not my knees, but mine were very similar:
Think about what this immediate change in alignment does to the rest of the body
My surgeon wasn’t wrong about my KNEEs being as good as new after surgery, but what he was wrong about and what I think is lacking in the orthopaedic/joint replacement world is the acknowledgment and proper PRE and POST OP training and rehab for the rest of the body.
I am three years post-op from my last knee surgery in 2017 and I am STILL dealing with the fallout of what re-aligning my knees did to my back and every muscle in my body below my belly button. Six months after my first knee surgery, my husband was literally lifting me out of bed every morning while I swallowed my screams from the pain shooting down my legs. Multiple X-rays and ultrasounds showed no mechanical reason for this amount of pain and I was once again sent for physiotherapy and given pain medication. I spent the next two years jumping from one form of therapy to another to try to deal with this soft tissue and nerve pain and find answers as to why this was happening to me and how to fix it? I am not joking when I tell you that maintaining myself at a functioning level of life during that time was a full time job - so much so that I had to quit my actual part-time job. And by functioning level, I mean that on a pain scale of 1-10, I was spending most days hovering around a 6-7.
I’ve had cortisone injections into my SI joints. I’ve had prolotherapy injections into my lumbar spine to “jump start” an immune response and healing (not a great option for the immunocompromised BTW). I’ve has so much IMS that I think I became addicted to the “hit” of a well placed needle and the short-term release it afforded. I’ve been to all manner of massage therapist and I’ve had more epsom salt baths than a normal person probably should in their life time. I am not saying that none of these things helped, they all did to varying degrees and for varying lengths of time, but the pain persisted.
You guys, I am resilient AS FUCK, but nothing has been quick or bouncy about this healing process and the traditional definition of resilience in this situation simply DOES NOT APPLY! And because I have been so bloody resilient in the past and bounced back so well from my past surgeries and experiences, the expectations I had placed on myself were that this time would be the same. Fix my knees, fix my life.
HA!!
It has taken me three years to accept that the lower half of my body was literally REBUILT on an operating table and the old ways of moving said body were just not going work with the new hardware and the new alignment. It has taken is me this long to realign both my expectations and my body. Three long years spent on therapies that were never going to work long term, on testing and health care expenses that never provided answers (because nothing was “wrong”), and three years that kept me in a state of perpetual anxiety and frustration and yes, depression. To say I was MAD about this in a gross understatement.
Six months ago, I met Toni Harris. “Toni is a certified Personal Fitness Trainer through the Canadian Society for Exercise Physiology, and is a Corrective Exercise Specialist through the National Academy of Sport Medicine trained through NAIT’s outstanding Personal Fitness Trainer program.” and she has made all the difference in my recovery. From explaining how my muscles and fascia works, to helping me understand the brain-body connection more and how to work this to my advantage, to reframing my restrictions and limitations because of the orthopaedic surgeries. She has also gently pushed me past my patterns of physical and mental resistance with her patience and ability to explain why my body does what it does. I am stronger now than I have been in a VERY long time (if you recall - I mentioned jumping a few posts back) and it makes me wonder how much further along I would be if Toni had been part of my PRE-hab and post-op rehab life three years ago.
This post is about resilience in the face of health challenges and I guess my point is this: if the expectation is to GET BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE BEFORE, to be all fixed and good as new so to speak, I believe we will always fall short and be disappointed. Major surgery changes the internal structures in your body and regardless of how seamless the healing process is, some things are just not going to work like they did before. Trying to jam a square peg into a new rounded out hole will not work and along with the resilience that we want to have with any health challenge or injury recovery, these expectations have to be tempered with the reality of how our bodies heal.
Had someone explained to me the impact that realigning my knees, and thus altering the way my body used muscles different from the ones I’d been using to move for the past 20 years, I would have been way more prepared for the challenges I faced post-operatively. I would have understood the need to RETRAIN both my muscles and my brain and the connections between the two and not have spent so many years (and so much money) looking for a reason for the pain and something to fix it.
I know I’ve been talking about my experience and my specific surgeries in this post, but I believe this concept applies to many kinds of health challenges or injuries and “bouncing back” from these. When we better understand why the body does what it does and why (hint - most often done to protect), that is when recovery and rehabilitation will truly be transformational for people.
I know it has been for me.
XOXO,
N~
*you have to be a certain amount of years old to remember Rebar and my dancing on the speakers. Both were epic!
My Social Media use in 2020
For the past few years, I’ve been doing this thing where I try to keep my social media profiles quite separate.
Instagram for images and inspiration and stories and where I spend most of my SM time.
Facebook for… well, mainly for clients actually. I rarely post to my personal page anymore and when I do, it’s a call to action for something (psst…. you should go check out what I posted yesterday.)
And Twitter for all my political rage and the odd subtweet (I know, I know, petty).
I am not sure if this has been a good strategy or not, but it is what I’ve done up to now to keep my sanity intact.
Someone posted a tweet the other day asking if the person you are on Twitter is the same person you are in real life. It made me realize that the people who follow me on Twitter might think I am nothing but a very rage-y, profanity-laden, liberal snowflake.
And let’s face it, at this time in Alberta, with this government doing all it can to undermine the very nature of our people and province, they wouldn’t be far off. And don’t come at me with all the “but Natasha, Oil and Gas IS the nature of our province” because NOPE. We are SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. And what frustrates me more than anything else, is that this government has decided to be so narrow-minded and narrow-focused in it’s policies and it’s treatment of its citizens, they refuse to even consider how Alberta could and SHOULD be exploring/developing/innovating all of our MORE-ness, now more than ever. (that was a lot of MORE-I’m such a good writer😜)
Now is not the time to deny science or make up lies about simple economics that my 6th grader can see right through. Now is not the time to tie us to a sinking ship while rich CEOs take their companies, jump said ship and leave us listening to the band on deck lulling us to our inevitable downfall. Our province continues to lose jobs (in all sectors) and our government is actively attacking professions and their livelihoods and risking another huge brain-drain for Alberta. They’ve taken over pensions that no one asked them to and are investing these in industries no financial planner in their right mind would ever suggest to you in our current world economic climate. This government in it’s infinite stupidity is going to make it so that the rest of the world will surpass us in diversifying economies and energies and we will forever be playing catch-up. And who do you think will suffer even more because of this lack of foresight? It’s not the rich CEOs or the government ministers with their 6 figure jobs and guaranteed pensions, I’ll tell you that!
The one MAJOR difference I see in the social platforms I use, is the level of compassion and empathy granted to others. On Instagram it’s all flowers and pretty and messages of kindness and love and some kick ass feminism too (well, for me it is, because DUH, I’ve curated it to be so). On Twitter, people are MAD AS HELL (and often funny as hell too), but what I’ve curated on Twitter is also a reflection of what matters to me. Some people will tell me I’ve created an echo chamber and anything I tweet is just being said to those who already agree with me. GOOD! I have over 4600 followers on Twitter, if that many people are worried about the state of our world and want to make it a better place then I am all for my little chamber of echoes! And anyway, I prefer to think of it as a pond and if I drop a pebble in it, maybe one of the ripples will make it to someone’s timeline and will be the thing that makes them change their mind, their behaviour, or at least maybe engage in a conversation and be open to learning things from a different perspective. Then again, maybe I give people to much benefit of the doubt. I’m an optimist goddammit!!
It’s kinda like this…
I’ve also been worried (for years actually) about sharing too much on social platforms that would deem me as “unlikeable” for certain brands or companies or publishers and therefore restrict me in terms of who would hire me or publish my writing. I can now say that the level of FUCKS THAT I GIVE about this are relatively zero! Go ahead and look me up on social media and you will know that I am an unabashed, unapologetic, INTERSECTIONAL feminist and a left-leaning Liberal (that’s a Democrat for all my US peeps). I’m also a very privileged white woman who will use my platforms to fight for any and all who do not have the privileges I do, and to amplify the voices of marginalized folx and those who know more about issues than I do. I like social justice, pretty things, and the work FUCK and I’m not afraid (anymore) to mix them up.
Because there really is no time to pussyfoot around these issues affecting us anymore. Our world in on fire, both literally and figuratively, innocent people are being shot down in planes because of war-mongering egos, Puerto Rico has been hit with over 200 earthquakes this month alone (did you even know that?? I didn’t until today), our local conservative government is LYING to us daily, women still make 65-85 cents to every dollar made by a man, and this blog post went a little deeper than I had originally anticipated.
I don’t have the answers to all of this, expect maybe one.
Kindness and compassion. Can these please be the leading values/virtues we take with us into every conversation, every post, every meeting, every way we can make even the slightest difference in this fucked up world?
Pretty please?
With a motherfucking cherry on top!
XOXO,
N~
It was a two-post-year...
You read that right. I mean, if you are even around here to read anymore!
Sheesh.
WORST. BLOGGER. EVER!!
I swear I had such good intentions to get back here and write more.
But alas, 2019 was the year of “other things”.
I mean, the year wasn’t a total bust. I did start a brand new consulting business and have been flexing my creative muscles in areas related to other peoples and businesses social profiles and online spaces. And I did it without completely going in the red, so, whooHOOO for me!
But to be honest, it was a rough year for me physically and emotionally. I spent the first 6 months of it in a constant fog of pain, running from this therapy to another and back again. I swear to all the goddesses, if someone had told me sacrificing an animal to the old gods and bathing in its blood would have helped, I would have tried it. I’ve likely spent the equivalent of half a years salary on all kinds of therapies and treatments and no, you can’t direct bill my insurance company because I blew past my yearly limits in 2 months! Let’s just say it was a very physically, emotionally and financially exhausting first half of the year.
I am VERY happy to report that the latter 5 months of 2019 were MUCH better. This is thanks to a winning combination of intense coaching, reframing, therapy, and brilliant personal training, I am feeling stronger than I ever have in the last three years and I am llooking forward to being able to DO so much more in 2020. I JUMPED the other day and I felt like a 2-year old who just figured out they could do that!
It has also been a year of this…
I am here to tell you that YES, it is indeed perimenopause and wow, is this ever a ride no one talks about! I mean sure we talk about “the change”, but what about the ~5 years before “the change” when your body is preparing you for “the change”, and by preparing I mean throwing you every flipping curve ball it can possibly think of: chin hairs, PIMPLES, something called adenomyosis (which essentially feels like your uterus, on its way to its eventual demise, is bound and determined to take you with it with as much pain as possible!) just to name a few. Oh and did I mention the migraines? No? WELL, THERE ARE MIGRAINES. BIG, UGLY, all day in bed, DO NOT TURN ON THE LIGHTS or talk to me or make me move kind of migraines. So, yeah, this has been going on too and it took me a while to find the tools to help with all of it. Acupuncture is a big one and I can’t say enough about my acupuncturist and how much she has helped me in just a few short months. I braced myself for the migraines and the debilitating cramps last month and you know what? NADA! It was such a welcome surprise that I kept just waiting for all the PMS and it did not happen. Here’s hoping it keeps working! Change is good and I am also going to embrace this time in my life, ease into it with as much grace as I can, and learn what I can from it and share these lessons with everyone. (Fair warning - it could get graphic!)
I mentioned REFRAMING a few paragraphs back and I want to tell you more about this and how much it has helped me approach all aspects of my life this past year (and moving forward). The simple truth of life is that, we are what we say we are. I am tired, I can’t do this, I am weak, I am not doing enough, I am a fraud, I am too busy, I can’t jump (see above). I have said all of these things and more (worse) to myself over the years and have been convinced of their truth. And I am here today to tell you and, let’s be honest, to tell myself once again, that none of these things are true. Jillian taught me about reframing and it’s the best lesson I think I have ever learned. I am what I say I am and this reframing of negative thoughts is a powerful kind of magic. I didn’t have a crazy busy holiday season, I had an abundant one full of friends, family, food and love. I am not weak, I am building new strength in my body after seasons of dis- or mis-use. I am not a fraud, I am taking the time to educate myself and become the best I can be in my chosen professions. I CAN FREAKING JUMP!!
(I just want to point out that the power of blogging or journalling or writing in any sense whether for public consumption or for my eyes only is seeing these words on the page and then FEELING them and knowing the truth in them.)
So, yes, it was a two-post-year. Because it had to be. Because the path back here, to words, to stories I believe in, to a me I believe in, had to be cleared. There is still some clearing to do and as always, I am a work in progress, but I am back baby! And I can’t wait to continue this journey of writing and sharing and growing. I hope you’ll stay with me.
Oh yeah, also, I just turned 48! Happy Birthday to me.
XOXO,
N~
P.S. This site will be changing in the next few months. I will continue to feature my writing and will incorporate all the details about my consulting and business services as well. It’s going to be great! I can’t wait for you to see it!
This Body of Mine.
The subject of all these ridiculous metaphors.
My body does not know nuance.
In the parlance of the day, it has ZERO CHILL.
It is not moving gently with the tides of aging.
My menstrual cycle is a raging typhoon, wreaking havoc on the beaches of my body.
Rivers burst forth from me, cascading through the dying landscape of my reproductive system.
Medicine works about as well as pixie-dust for the darkness-seeking, whole being migraines that last 24 hours and respond only to sleep.
A sleep riddled with the lucid dreams of a brain on overdrive and a body with a faulty transmission.
Once we would say, “we don’t sweat, we glow”? If that’s still the case, this body is glowing like a goddamn nuclear reactor about to blow. And it does not care who it takes out when it does or who perishes is the subsequent fallout.
There is a new shape to this land of mine as well, the landscape is changing along with the infrastructure and there are days when management just can’t keep up or cope.
Hairs sprout like stalks from the edge of my chin - curling up under the surface and then springing forth like an awkward newborn giraffe, long and unseemly.
This body of mine takes pills and use creams and ointments filled with all the things that are slowly being drained from it. I know this is a losing battle…
And yet, I keep fighting the ultimate enemy: time.
So, NO, this body of mine is not going gently into that good night
Trust me Mr. Thomas, she sure as hell is
RAGE, rage {ing} against the dying of the light.
And good Goddess above is it ever exhausting.
N~
This is our new dance: parenting tweens and teens.
Ten years ago, while we were all up breastfeeding hungry, sleepless babies at 2 AM, dealing with chafed nipples, and being #zombiemoms, you could prop your kid on your fancy breastfeeding pillow, let them latch on (goddess willing!), and pull up your laptop or first generation iPad and look up any number of amazing blogs from moms all over North America going through the same things and letting you know that you were not alone.
Not alone in crying every day because you were going through post-partum depression, but no one else around you seemed to really understand you or why or any of this stuff.
Not alone in dealing with a kid who was delayed in his/her speech, walking, milestone-hitting-moments that everyone else seemed to be bragging about.
Not alone being the co-sleeping, baby-wearing, weirdo hippie mom while everyone else was talking about sleep-training and side-eying you whenever you brought up elimination communication.
Communities were built. Moms groups made online and then IRL. Friendships were forged across miles, through the ether, and in the comment sections, through our shared parenting struggles and triumphs.
**********
This past month, social media was ripe with everyone posting the “How has aging hit you?” or #10yearslater challenge. After I caved to the bandwagon that is social media and posted my pics, a friend commented that my pics were pre- and post- kids and it was this fact that had “aged” me. She wasn’t totally wrong.
Times have changed. We have changed. Even my eyebrows have changed (damn you 90’s and THANK YOU lash/brow serums)!
Blogging has changed too. Bloggers of old realized that their babies were no longer babies. These little beings once written about in all kinds of TMI detail, can now read and use Google, and have their own social media accounts. Our babies and all their little friends are one click away from all of the confessions and minutia of those early days of parenting (and social media). In the wake of these babies growing up, whole blogs have been shuttered, names have been changed to protect the innocent, posts deleted, and new online identities and spaces created or re-created. Our kids grew up, and it was the end of an era.
And here we are.
With tweens and teenagers and they have phones and their own Instagram accounts and play far too much Fortnite for our liking and are these weird and wonderful digital native creatures and raising them is harder now than it ever was at 2 AM every night when they were 3 months old and I NEED ALL THE DAMN MOMMY BLOGGERS BACK RIGHT EFFING NOW!
I’m serious.
It’s hard out here for a mama going through puberty.
And if you think the shaming of moms is bad when the kids are babies, just you wait.
How your kid behaves in school, in sports or extracurricular activities, and with their peers becomes an even more direct reflection of YOU. If they veer outside of the lines of “good” in any way, well, OBVIOUSLY, they learned this “bad” behaviour at home and therefore you are a terrible parent. We internalize these thoughts and feelings of “Shit, I really am fucking up my kids” and, as we often do with all aspects of the “I am not enough” limiting belief - we overcompensate. We try to FIX them. We nag and yell and shame them into proper behaviour, proper words, proper “goodness”. We clear the way of any and all obstacles we think will hinder them in making good choices.
We helicopter and lawnmower and snowplow parent like it’s a do or die situation.
We do so without stopping to remember that the whole point of tweening/teening is for them to figure out a whole bunch of life skills for and by themselves and messing up is a crucial part of the process. Our job is not to be fixers or obstacle removers. It is to be boundary setters and safety nets. We can only teach them so much and offer suggestions for success, but we have to step back from taking over and doing the work they need to do to succeed. It’s the whole “natural consequences” thing taken to the next level, and while no one wants their kid to go without their lunch or a warmer jacket because WE know how that feels, THEY are never going to know how that feels if we are always showing up with the proverbial lunch and/or jacket.
I am here to tell you that I hear your frustrations moms and dads, I know your pain.
I can’t even tell you the amount of repetition that happens in my house as I try to hammer home….. ummmm, have meaningful teachable moments with my children about what they should do in order to do and be their best selves. Simple things, like eat a proper meal to fuel your body for your activities, practice your music/dance/sport in order to get better, study for your quizzes and tests, wear weather appropriate clothing, and PUT ON SOME DAMN DEODORANT ALREADY CAN YOU NOT SMELL YOURSELF, AND WOULD IT KILL YOU TO RUN A COMB THROUGH YOUR HAIR?
You know… the usual. 🤦🏻♀️
I’m sitting here finishing up this post in my local cafe, looking at the moms here with their babies and toddlers as they wrangle them in and out of snowsuits and carseats and highchairs, and I envy those simpler times. When the biggest worry today seems to be how small to cut up the strawberry bits for your kid to eat without choking and hoping they don’t melt down before you get home for nap time.
Oh, the good ol’ days!
**********
A few weeks ago at my kid’s therapy appointment (because yes, this is a thing we do), their therapist told me something that will carry me through many, MANY, challenging teenage times to come…
She told me that we (my husband and I) are doing a good job at parenting.
At setting boundaries for our kids. At validating their feelings. At giving them room to grow and figure out their own shit, even though everything inside me is screaming OH MY GAWD, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY IT BECAUSE YOU AND I BOTH KNOW I AM RIGHT AND WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!
Know this my fellow parents of tweens and teens, I hear your inside screaming. I see you doing your best and feeling like you are constantly failing because you’ve said the same thing 495,872 times to your kid and you’ll likely repeat yourself AGAIN tomorrow. I see you doing this over and over and I see your kids too and I am here to tell you…
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!
Keep setting those boundaries, keep validating those complicated pre-pubescent and pubescent feelings, keep being the net for your kiddos, and keep helping them up when they fall and then stepping back again.
This is our parenting dance now. We’ve taught them the basic steps and now they have to find their own rhythm. It’s not always going to be easy to watch, there will be many missteps and clapping on the 1 and 3, but they will eventually get it (just like we did).
We got this.
The kids are gonna be alright.
And so are we.
With you in puberty parenting solidarity,
N~
merry, happy, joy, joy
We made it y’all!
The year that felt like it would never end is actually coming to a close. Someone asked me when the next Winter Olympics are this past week and I had to remind them and myself that it was THIS year!
To say this was an exhausting year is a rather large understatement and I think we are all feeling it. I mean, I am not advocating face tattoos, but Post Malone’s “always tired” ink might be the most on point thing of 2018.
All that being said, this past month I’ve embraced the Holiday season with gusto! Decorations went up on the first of December and Christmas threw up in the most beautiful way all over my house.
The #upstairstree
I may have gone a bit overboard with gifting this year, but it’s so hard when you keep finding THE perfect gifts for people from so many of my favourite local shops. I spent a fair amount of time shopping along 124th street this year and at my yearly visit to The Royal Bison show.
Check out Studio Bloom in 124st when yoU get a chance.
I’ve mentioned my new found craftiness in an earlier post, and after many dance classes and soccer practices with my craft/knitting/stitching bag in tow, last night I finally finished my last project. This one was for me and I think it’s pretty “on brand” for who I am and what I want to continue to be in 2019.
Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa, and all the best for a less exhausting 2019!
Love and peace to you all, and thank you for continuing to read my stuff, and sticking with me through the years!
#professioNalenthusiast
sweaTer inspiration from @linguafrancaNYC
XOXO,
n~
strings and needles
In the past couple of weeks I have turned into my some kind of super crafty person. I mean, I am not going to go all Pinterest mama on you, but I’ve surprised even myself with all my crafting!
~
It all started last year when I had a lot of time on my hands while also sitting on my butt recovering from my knee and hip replacement surgeries. Before I was post-operatively house-bound, my dear friend took me to the craft store and got me stocked up and started on some cross-stitching. I wasn't sure about it at first, but I found a few patterns, figured out the basics, and then I was hooked. There is an indescribable satisfaction to creating a picture from mere string and needle. And also something beautiful about the repetitiveness of the process of stitching, you lose track of time and it becomes a kind of meditation.
I made this.
~
Earlier this month during the US Midterm Elections, a writer I follow on Instagram posted a picture of herself in a gorgeous cashmere sweater embroidered with the words “I miss Barack” on it and I immediately HAD TO HAVE ONE! I located the company website and found the sweater I wanted. I then saw the price tag and my heart sank. At $400 USD, it just wasn’t meant to be, and I let go of my desire for a fancy WOKE AF embroidered sweater. A week later, it hit me. I kind of know how to do some basic stitching, and I had an old cashmere sweater that I put in the “clothing swap” pile because I hadn’t worn it in over a year, AND you can literally find a tutorial for pretty much anything on Youtube these days. A week later, a couple of mistakes, and a few trips to Michael’s for more supplies, I had embroidered my first sweater. For about $40. And you can bet that I am going to be making a few more of these for myself (and perhaps a few lucky people too).
#thepersistence
~
The truly crafty one in the family is Ten, and after seeing an easy and quite beautiful “Minimalist Christmas” inspired craft, she decided she wanted try to recreate these items and sell some of her handiwork at our community Holiday Kick-Off event this coming weekend. She recruited a couple of friends, and on the weekend they made a whole rack of these great little Christmas wreaths. I helped a bit, but the design and bulk of the assembly was done by them. I’ve got to say that I am quite proud of my girl and her crafty and entrepreneurial spirit. I think it may be were I get it from. ;)
It even smells like Christmas!
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Today I finished knitting my first toque. I’ve known how to knit since I was a kid, and have taken it up a few times over the years. I made each of my kids a baby blanket when they were teeny bébés, and I made my husband a neck warmer for Christmas last year. Michael’s was having a “buy two get one free” yarn sale, and on a whim I decided to stock up and make all the cousins neck warmers this year. Seeing what I was doing, Ten asked if I would also make her a toque. So, off to Youtube I went. It’s a VERY basic knit and purl pattern toque, but I made it for her and that feels good and I really hope she likes it. And of course, I’ve started another one for (almost) Twelve too.
Grandma Helen would be so proud. These are her needles.
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I’m not sure I have a point to this post other than show you and tell you that with a little help from Youtube, those pesky sale emails from Michael’s, and some basic supplies, you can make beautiful things with a little string and some needles.
N~
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I’m taking part in National Blog Posting Month, which means I’m posting on this blog {almost} every day throughout November. You can follow along and see who else is posting this month by checking out these hashtags on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter: #NetPositiveBlog and #NaBloPoMo
#PDDayMOM
My kids had (ANOTHER) PD day today.
At 7:30 AM everyone came piling into my bed asking to immediately hit their electronics. I said no. Too early. At least get dressed first. Eat some breakfast.
My husband got up and ready for work and came back to give us all kisses goodbye and get us out of bed. The kids, who not 5 minutes earlier wanted to be playing Fortnite and watching TroomTroom videos, whined and said, “But it’s a PD day, we want to sleep in.”
And then my daughter said :
“Oh Mom, everyday is a PD day for you.”
And that is when I realized that I will never win.
If I am a stay at home parent, every day is a PD day and apparently all I do is “go shopping and out for lunch and to the gym”. If I am a work out of the home parent, then everyone complains that I am not home enough and spending too much time away from the family. If I want to do anything to further my writing or professional life in any way, it’s up to me to fit it in to the family schedule without disrupting the status quo. Balance is a myth, having it all is a myth, personal fulfilment in this life dichotomy is a double-edged sword and the pointy end is always aimed at my heart.
I know I am in the VERY privileged situation of not having to work, and believe me, I do not take that for granted, but I am not sure where I have gone so wrong that my kids think that literally EVERYTHING I do is akin to an all-day-every-day-free-for-all-grown-up-PD-day.
I’m not going to list off all the things I do here, because if you are a woman and also a mother, you know what that list looks like. You have THE LIST. It’s a devil’s list. You know, one where you never ever cross off all the items on it, because more things just keep getting added to the bottom and it is never ending! AND, apparently, this list and all of the items you’ve crossed off and accomplished are also invisible to the people in your life.
And people wonder why mothers become these uber-pinterest or Instagram perfect moms. UMMM, HELLO!!!! IT’S BECAUSE WE NEED SOME RECOGNITION FOR ALL WE DO AND WE ARE NOT GETTING IT AT HOME!
Case in point: I have spent the last 3 months looking for the perfect winter season duvet cover for our master bedroom. Last week I finally found it, bought it, made the bed, and posted a picture of it on Instagram and it was the most liked thing I’ve posted all month! On the other hand, the response from my dear spouse was, “Why did we need a new duvet cover?” and from Ten it was, “Well, it’s not very festive.” So you see… LITERAL STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET CARE MORE ABOUT THE THINGS I DO TO MAKE THIS HOUSE A HOME THAN MY OWN FAMILY!
So next time you see a mom post before and after pictures of her messy/tidied house, her clean and folded laundry, or her redecorated family room YOU WILL LIKE AND <3 THE CRAP OUT OF THAT POST BECAUSE THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO BE SEEN AND APPRECIATED! Next time a mom posts a long list of all the errands she ran and the seemingly small yet many jobs she got done that day, YOU WILL CONGRATULATE HER AND GIVE HER A VIRTUAL HIGH FIVE AND TELL HER WHAT A GAWTDAMN ROCKSTAR SHE IS!
We’ve got to do this for each other ladies. Because contrary to popular belief, even that of our own little flesh and blood sweet baby angel children (demons), MOMS DO NOT GET PD DAYS!
I SEE YOU SUPER MAMAS!
Eff everyone else.
N~
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I’m taking part in National Blog Posting Month, which means I’m posting on this blog {almost} every day throughout November. You can follow along and see who else is posting this month by checking out these hashtags on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter: #NetPositiveBlog and #NaBloPoMo.