What the tides keep at bay

 

There is a sacredness to the tides, stepping your feet in the waters of the ocean and having it wash away the sand on your feet, only for more sand to be washed back upon them as the waves keep coming back towards you. The ocean's edge has always been a blissful place for me and it hurts my soul to leave it every time. I am a Capricorn, I am drawn towards bodies of water and to the heights of mountains and I wonder sometimes at the seemingly opposite pull of these two places. It is as if my body craves the solitude that exists in both, that my mind needs it and that I am most at peace when I am either dipping my feet in the waters that connect us all or breathing in the pure air of a mountain top.

Every time we go away to either the ocean or the mountains, I can't help but start planning for our next vacation.The next time I will get to dip my feet in the waters that wash everything away and make things new again, whether those waters come from the top of a mountain or the depths of the earth.

Maybe I am just feeling the effects of the full moon, the tides of our lives that pull us in certain directions, that help us to see things that we haven't seen before. The tides clean off the old dust and wash away what we no longer need, tumble us around to smooth out the rough edges and make us new again.

Maybe it is because I just finished reading The Alchemist and it too pulled at my soul. It made me think of the omens in my life and whether or not I always listen to them or am even aware of them. What would happen to this world we live in if we all did that? If we all listened the the Soul of the World and followed the signs it leaves for us. What if we trusted in love and followed our instincts, instead of constantly getting fooled by our fears?

I know this is all a bit trippy, but the last few days and weeks have made me really look at my life, my fears, the things I say to my kids over and over and the messages and fears that I am passing down to them. My daughter wants to be a ballet dancer and I am stressing over this because of my own fears and insecurities and issues about having a "perfect" dancer's body. The stress I am feeling is not about finding the best dance school for her, it is all about me, projecting my own fears of rejection and ridicule onto her. I am killing her dream before it even begins and I know this and I can't stop the panic I feel about it.

Panic and fear.

I have had enough of both in my life as of late and I so want out of this cycle. Being on the island for our holidays gave me that feeling of peace and a quiet in my soul that has not been there for a long time. I laid in the waters of the Pacific Ocean and the panic and fear was washed away. My family was whole and happy and together and I stepped into those waters every day and felt my connection to the earth and both the smallness and infiniteness of my being and my place in this world.

Now to figure out how to replicate that feeling here, at home, in my every day life, before the panic and fear start creeping in again.

n~

so what?

Sometimes you see or hear something and it just speaks to you on so many levels, it's impossible not to share it. Today Mary Lambert is IN MY HEAD! And for some reason, I have a feeling that many of you might feel the same way.  

Am I wrong?

I don't care either Mary. Thank you for this!

n~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #27.

The world doesn't stop. Even when life hands you a bowl full of mouldy strawberries, it still goes on growing new, fresh things. My world has been flipped upside down these past two months and we are just now getting back our equilibrium. I am reading {and writing} again and have found some very yummy fare for you this week. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~

1. Abstinence-only sex education. Yeah right. I was a teenager once and if you told me I couldn't or shouldn't do something, guess what? I liked to prove people wrong. Outside of being a typical jack-ass teenager though, I was an informed one. My mom made sure of that. Which is why I was very impressed to read about the Edmonton mom and daughter who launched a human rights complaint about the outsourcing of sex ed in public schools to the never-advertised-as-such-but-totally-religious-based Pregnancy Care Centre. Jessica Valenti examines why these programs don't work and the dangers of them in this piece from The Guardian.

These false, ideologically-driven programs are turning out sexually illiterate young people whose lives and health are put in literal danger by "educators" handing out false information. All this, just so your teenager might be scared straight enough to forgo sex for a few extra months.

..........

2. I read this next one after a friend had posted it to her Facebook page. Two things - I had no idea who Kathleen Hanna and Melissa Febos are and I don't think it matters. What they had to say about the creative process and about feminism resonated with me. And yes, I did some googling shortly afterwards  and I am not sure how or why, but I seem to have somehow missed the whole Riot Grrrl era.

I think as women who consider ourselves feminists, there’s a legacy of responsibility, of feeling like there’s not enough of us and so we have to do things right. Just being women in male-dominated fields, we feel like ambassadors and we have to do a really good job. We have to not only make this great work, but we also have to instruct and educate.

..........

3. THE BLOGGESS IS WRITING ABOUT FEMINISM! And yes, I meant that to be all shout-y! She also wrote some weird ass shark analogies - as she does. In other words, you should really just read this.

Here’s the thing: Do you think men and women should have equal rights politically, socially and economically? Then you’re probably a feminist. There are a million tiny aspects of this to break off into and I get it. It’s complicated. There’s not just one type of feminist, just as there’s not just one type of Christian or Muslim, or man or woman. Hell, there’s not even just one type of shark. Some are non-threatening and friendly.

..........

4. The story of Debra Harrell, the South Carolina mother who was arrested for letting her nine-year old play at the park while she worked her shift a MacDonald's, is all over the news and the blogosphere. Some are saying that this is a free-range parenting issue and that we have become so much of a helicopter society that we can't see our children (the trees) through the arranged play-dates, supervised camps and scheduled activities (the forest). Others are seeing this situation from a different perspective, one of class and race and privilege. Rebecca Cuneo Keenan at Playground Confidential hits this one square on the head. I just wish the authorities and perhaps those parents at the park who reported Ms. Harrell could have seen it this way too.

...the real shame is that anybody should have to choose between going to work and their child’s well being. It’s shameful that in the richest country in the world, the poorest families are still left to fend for themselves.

..........

5. Young feminists, we need more of them. Funny, young feminists? Yes, please! Meet Marina Watanabe everyone and go subscribe to her Youtube channel.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/Obt32tD7nDI[/youtube]

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

n~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #26

Let's just get to it today shall we...

 ..........

1. I have never watched Mad Men. I know, it's a great show, Jon Hamm is a wonderful actor, Christina Hendricks and Elizabeth Moss are brilliant in their roles and blah, blah, blah... I just can't. I am all for historical dramas, but the history of sexism on that show just isn't for me. In the following post, you'll see why. Advertising in the mid-twentieth century was enough to make you want to throw up a bit in your mouth. As my friend Kathleen says,

"But really, feminists just made up that entire misogynistic patriarchal paradigm crap. It's all a figment of our collective feminazi vagiocentric imagination..."

.....

2. By now you know that Disney bought Lucasfilms last year and with it the rights to all things Star Wars. Walk into any Disney Store and you'll find that they are already capitalizing on merchandise sales from the films and the TV series. It seems that in their haste to get products on the shelves, they neglected to include one particular and rather important character in the mix. Princess Leia.

One mother asked about this last week and this was Disney's response:

Film scholar Natalie Wreyford took to Twitter last week to ask Disney why its online store doesn't sell any action figures of Princess Leia, one of the three co-leads in the original trilogy:

This week, Disney backtracked and has officially said that yes, in fact, there are plans for Leia merchandise in the pipeline. And if you have ever wondered about the power of Social Media, this might be one for the books - The #WeWantLeia hashtag started after Natalie's tweet was responded to and within a week, one of the largest companies in the world changed their tune.  I call that a win this week!

.....

3. I like Jimmy Fallon. I really do. He's funny, he's multi-talented, he has epic lip-synch battles with some of my favourite actors. This week though, I am not impressed with him (or possibly the producers of The Tonight Show) for cutting out a part of his interview with Shailene Woodley in which she discussed gender politics.

"During the course of the piece, however, the interviewer — Lynn Hirschberg — attended a taping of The Tonight Show with Shailene Woodley, and noticed that a section in which Woodley had harshed the Fallon mellow had been cut. Fallon had asked Woodley how she felt about being compared to Jennifer Lawrence, and Woodley did not appreciate the question."

Way to just keep perpetuating the status quo Jimmy. I expect better of you next time!

.....

4. And while we are talking about young Hollywood and gender politics, I have to give a shout out to Scout Willis. Her #FreetheNipple protest against Instagram's censorship (and deletion of her account) has garnered much attention this week from both critics and supporters and is further evidence of our younger generation "connecting the dots between nipple policing and larger issues of gender, sexuality, slut-shaming, victim-blaming, and body politics..." 

Willis is very clear that she’s not a persecuted minority or victim: “My situation was in no way unique; women are regularly kicked off Instagram for posting photos with any portion of the areola exposed, while photos sans nipple — degrading as they might be — remain unchallenged.” Nor does Willis portray herself as a revolutionary, trailblazing savior: “I am certainly not doing anything novel. A group here in New York called Topless Pulp gathers in parks to read topless regularly, and the Free The Nipple campaign has been protesting for the same rights for the last four years. If my coming from a high-profile family could help spread their message, so be it.”  

.....

5.  Yesterday, my five year old daughter asked me if I have a job that I go to. It was the first time she has asked me this and it kind of caught me off guard. I am quite sure of my choices in life, but I do worry at times that I am not DOING enough to show my children that there are other equally valid and fulfilling choices in the world. Last week a study was published about gender roles in the home and the subsequent headlines were making the rounds on Facebook claiming that if Dads do more housework, their daughters are more likely to become scientists and doctors and engineers. I am not one to fall for such blatant click-baiting headlines and neither is my good friend Annie at Phd in Parenting.

Headlines are written for clicks, not to educate people. So when I read the news about this study last week, I didn't jump to write about it right away. Instead, I contacted the lead researcher Alyssa Croft and asked her to send me a copy of her paper and then I read it.

I'll admit I had some questions (or possibly assumptions) going into it. The one question in my mind as I read the study was "did it control for the mother's career?". Sure, it is nice to say that girls whose fathers do more housework are more likely to want to be scientists, but is that because their father is doing housework or is that because their mother is a scientist?

..........

Have a great weekend everyone!

natasha~

The clothes that you wear

A few days ago I was in our neighbourhood cafe around dismissal time for the local junior high school. The cafe is frequented by a lot of the neighbourhood kids and that day was no exception. It was one of our first VERY hot days of the summer and slushy drink sales were at an all time high! I was in line behind two teenage girls ordering said slushy drinks and I couldn't help but notice what they were wearing. One had on a tank top and the typical short shorts that one wears when your hips are still narrow and you are mostly legs and the other was wearing a very loose black tank top that had very wide arm openings that went all the way down to her waist and cropped black leggings. Underneath her tank top, she was wearing a sheer black bra. And in my head, two voices started battling it out. One was saying, "OMG! I can totally see ALL of her bra! That is so inappropriate! Why would her mother let her wear that! Stop staring at her bra!"

The other was saying, "Shut up already. It's hot outside and she is obviously very comfortable in what she is wearing. YOU are the only one who seems to have an issue here, get over yourself. You are not the fashion/modesty/appropriateness police, so just get your coffee and move on lady."

You see, I am a product of my society, the culture that I grew up in and in that culture, a woman's body (regardless of her age), and how she dresses it, are for others to comment on, to admire, to admonish, to assess and to judge. As much as I hate to admit this, a part of me did judge and I felt uncomfortable that I could see so much of this girl's underthings and went to that familiar, ingrained place of "has she no shame??".

I then hung my head in my own shame.

..........

This week my Facebook and Twitter feeds have been filled with story after story of young girls being shamed and punished for what they are wearing. Tank tops seem to be causing the most issues, because of those terribly distracting bra straps. Last week, 28 girls (and two boys - just so no one feels the need to point this out and then tell me this was not about gender discrimination) were sent home from a high school in Newfoundland because they wore tank tops to school on a hot day and this was distracting to some of the male students and teachers. A 17-year old was kicked out of her senior prom because her dress-code conforming fingertip length sparkly dress was making a bunch of 40-something dad chaperones feel uncomfortable and a Utah High school decided to arbitrarily photoshop year-book photos of female students who were showing too much skin.

All of this is happening in the wake of Elliot Rodger and the UCSB shooting and numerous posts being written about the insidious levels of sexism and misogyny that exist in our world. We've spent the last few weeks trying to come to grips with this tragedy and the very real fears that #yesallwomen have for themselves in this world that continues to want to make sure that women know their place in it and know how to dress and behave appropriately in that place, and now this. This shaming of teenaged girls. For what?

Having boobs?

And legs?

And skin?

The message here is loud and clear. YOU, oh girls and women of the world, must be ever conscious of your evil, tempting, womanly ways of instilling lustful thoughts in the minds of others (mainly men), by merely existing in this world. You must do this by covering your bodies, because otherwise, what is presented to the world is obviously meant for the taking. Or the judging, or the leering, or the cat-calling, or the grabbing, or the assaulting.

All these dress-code issues are really just thinly-veiled perpetuations of the kind of culture that we live in that blames girls and women for the thoughts and actions of other people. We have a name for that you know. It is called rape culture. It's the line we often hear that goes... "well, if she didn't want people to look at her like that/touch her like that/make rude comments to her like that, she shouldn't dress like that." It's the cop-out that many people default to when they say, "In an ideal world, it wouldn't matter, but we don't live in that world, so just be smarter about what you wear/where you walk/how much you drink, and those things won't happen to you."

The thing is, we are not talking about dangerous alleys in the dead of night here, we are talking about supposedly safe places like the hallways of high schools and parent-chaperoned prom dances and the pages of school yearbooks. And the people who are having issues and condemning these teens  for their attire are the grown-ups in these situations.  People who are having all kinds of "uncomfortable" feels because they are being turned on by, or disgusted by teenaged girls bodies. So, who exactly is the problem here??

One particular quote from a school board administrator in the Newfoundland case really made me ponder this issue. He said,

"Our focus would be around wearing clothes that's appropriate for a learning environment, making sure that we help students learn that as you transition through school and onto the workplace that the clothes that you wear respects the values of people around you, respects the diversity of the community that we live in ... so it's really about respecting others, as well as respecting yourself," said Pike. {emphasis is mine}

The clothes that you wear must respect the values of the people around you. Hmmmm....

I can see where this statement is true to a certain degree. When my husband and I visited Zanzibar in 2005, I was well aware that the area we were visiting was primarily Muslim. Out of respect for the customs and norms of the local people, I did not go out without covering my arms and legs and with a scarf on hand if I needed it to cover my hair, even when it was well above 30 degrees Celsius. So yes, I admit that there are situations that call for a certain kind of dress code, but the above statement also made me wonder. At what point do people around you respect you as a person, REGARDLESS of what you are wearing? Or is it as Mark Twain said, "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."?

Personally, I have to disagree with Mr. Twain on this one. I think that naked people, or naked women to be more exact, have had a big influence on our society. Pick up a magazine, watch TV commercials or browse online for a bit and you will find images of naked women, or parts of a naked woman (because it's not like women are ever portrayed as whole human beings), being used to try to sell you something.

Need a new suit guys?

{image credit: Suit Supply}

A constant barrage of images and messages constantly showing us and telling us that any or all of a woman's body is primarily a sexual "thing", makes it hard for society at large to see women as anything else. It is the reason that Facebook and now Instagram too, consider breastfeeding photos nudity and pornography and routinely remove them and ban the users posting them, yet will leave pages like "Big Boobs", which contains photo after photo of breasts in all states of undress, well enough alone. It is blog post after blog post telling women that leggings are not pants, and tumblr and Pinterest sites shaming women with people posting pictures of strangers to illustrate their arbitrary policing of others bodies. It's Robin Thicke thinking it would be "fun" to objectify women in his Blurred Lines video and not understanding why people were upset about that. While so much of this kind of thinking may be commonplace in our world, none of it is OK or acceptable and we should be doing all we can to challenge and change this status quo.

..........

This past weekend in my city it was the 4th Annual Slutwalk, an event that since it's inception in 2009 following remarks from a Toronto law enforcement official that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized", is pushing out the message that there’s nothing a person can ever do to deserve sexual violence. I did not attend the walk this year, but heard from the organizers about a group of angry teenaged girls walking who got all up in the face of a member of a men's rights group protesting the event. I can't help but feel a bit of hope when I hear about things like that or watch videos from the young, bold, and super smart Laci Green, or read Claire's story about her prom experience, or know what Malala Yousafzai is doing for girls all over the world. Girls are speaking up, are saying ENOUGH and fighting back against a culture that is so reluctant to change the status quo. This new generation of young women, of young feminists, are giving me hope and teaching me a few things as well.

Back at the cafe, once the voices in my head had finally had it out with each other and there was a clear winner - I realized how much I still have to learn and UNlearn in this life. My thoughts were my own and I had to own that and admit my own shortcomings in this regard. And I know I have to do something about that. I have to do it for my children, because they are watching me and like the tiny little sponges they are, they are absorbing all the messages I am sending. What I say and do matters more now than it ever has before. And today's message is this: NO, clothes do NOT make the {wo}man, the person she {he} is does.

Now, go ahead, tell me that my bra strap is too distracting for you.... I dare you!

natasha~

the strong one

I have always been the strong one.

The one who rides in and takes charge.

The one who keeps her head in a crisis.

The one who numbs herself and focuses on making sure everyone else is taken care of.

The one who knows all the big words used by the doctors and nurses.

The one who can read the monitors and know what all the numbers mean.

The one who asks the questions that no one else thinks about.

The one who will go to all the appointments and translate what it all means.

The one who will gently help them transition from one way of life to another.

I am the child, who became a mother.

Who is now the grown child standing beside a bed,

stroking her hair, kissing her forehead and taking care of her.

My mother.

And I don't know

if I am

strong enough

for this

just

yet.

For future reference.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I do a weekly round-up of what I like to call "Feminsit Fare" on Fridays. I post interesting and thought provoking articles I have read, videos I have seen, and information I think you will like or that will further our conversations about feminism and motherhood and life. Today, I am collecting posts together in this space for another reason. These pieces are about feminism, misogyny, terrorism, murder, derailing important conversations, and hashtag activism. I have been sharing most of these posts on my Facebook pages and if you haven't figured it out already, they are pieces that have been written or recorded in response to the murderous attack planned and executed by Elliot Rodger in the Isla Vista community in Santa Barbara, California.

And I am saving them all here, because here is the hard truth...

We will need to refer to them again in the future. 

Violence against women is a systematic problem in our world and until and unless a MUCH larger majority of us are willing to DRASTICALLY change that system, this violence will continue. I hate to write this, but there are other Elliot Rodgers out there, just like Elliot Rodger was another George Sodini and George Sodini was another Marc Lepine. Young men growing up in a world of toxic masculinity believing that they are entitled to their prize - a hot woman to have sex with. And denied this prize, they resort to violence to "prove themselves" to the world or to exhort a kind of retribution for being slighted.

Today in a separate Twitter conversation with another young man on the topic of breastfeeding in public, I was called a "relentless feminist". I am 100% sure he meant it as an insult. I did not take it as one.

Because I AM relentless in this. I will never stop trying to change this system. I will never be quiet in the face of oppression and misogyny and violence against women and women's rights. I will amplify the voices of my peers, female and male, who are speaking larger truths that we all need to really listen to and I will keep a chronicle of them all here...

For future reference.

----------

Jessica Valenti writing for The Guardian about how yes, misogyny does indeed kill.

If we need to talk about this tragic shooting in terms of illness, though, let's start with talking about our cultural sickness – a sickness that refuses to see misogyny as anything other than inevitable

Jenni Chui writing at Mommy Nani Booboo about the #YESALLWOMEN hashtag.

Though Elliot Rodgers is an extreme case, the entitlement he expresses mirrors a large societal ill, and has spurred women by the hundreds of thousands to speak up about how it affects them and yes, all women.

Chuck Wendig writing at terribleminds that while it is of course, not all men, it still if far too many.

Show them by cleaning the dogshit out of your ears and listening to their stories — and recognize that while no, it’s not “all men,” it’s still “way too many men.” Consider actually reading the #YesAllWomen hashtag on Twitter not to look for places to interject and defend your fellow men, but as a place to gain insight and understanding into the experiences women have. 

Harris O'Malley writing at Paging Dr. Nerdlove about the price of toxic masculinity.

This is what happens when we grow up in a culture that teaches men that hypermasculinity is what defines them. It tells them that they’re only as good as the sex that they’re having or the ass that they’re kicking. It teaches them that being rejected isn’t a sign of a lack of compatibility or a need to improve but a referendum on their value as a man. That they’re being robbed of what they’re owed.

Laci Green's video about this culture of angry, entitled men is quite powerful and worth a watch.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPFcspwbrq8&feature=share&list=PLTXiNEUzXWKTfNYKThSk-kmJdf7AJRP5K[/youtube]

Phil Plate writing at Slate discussing how and why derailing this potentially system-changing conversation occurs and how unhelpful it is.

Instead of being defensive and distracting from the topic at hand, try staying quiet for a while and actually listening to what the thousands upon thousands of women discussing this are saying.

Lindsay Beyerstein writing at Duly Noted about why Elliot Rodger is in fact a terrorist fighting a War on Women.

By any meaningful standard, Rodger planned and executed a terrorist attack. He orchestrated the violence for maximum symbolic impact and took steps to disseminate his message through the mass media.

(updated on May 29, 2014)

Jeopardy Champion Arthur Chu writing at The Daily Beast discussing the "script" that most nerdy boys grow up with.

...the overall problem is one of a culture where instead of seeing women as, you know, people, protagonists of their own stories just like we are of ours, men are taught that women are things to “earn,” to “win.” That if we try hard enough and persist long enough, we’ll get the girl in the end. Like life is a video game and women, like money and status, are just part of the reward we get for doing well.

Madeleine Davies at Jezebel writing about being not an angry feminist, but a furious one.

And I'm still angry, still furious. I'm furious that growing up, I wasn't allowed to do the same things that my brother did because it wasn't safe for me. I'm furious that my parents ingrained in me from a very young age that I should never wear heels because I should always be ready to run at a moment's notice. I'm furious that walking alone at night feels more like an act of rebellion than a simple act of transit.

(updated, June 1, 2014)

Melissa McEwan at Shakesville writing about "the geek guys Elliot Rodgers think pieces" and how they are still getting it wrong.

And one of the things I'm seeing over and over in these pieces, despite their ostensibly being about how acknowledging women's humanity and agency is important, is a distinct failure to acknowledge women as anything but the sex class. That is, there is very little discussion about how straight men should and do have other reasons for interacting with women than trying to have sex with them.

----------

I know more will be written about this in the days to come and I will continue to add to this list. If you have read something that you think needs to be here please post the link in the comments.

Relentlessly,

natasha~

Cleaning out the draft folder: a year of random posts started, but not finished

Words were just not coming to me today, so I decided to go check on the 20+ posts I had sitting in my drafts folder. Some where just junk, a few words jotted down, an idea come and gone. Others I think could have been really good, but fizzled for one reason or another. Here is a sampling of some of those "could have been" posts from the last year....

..........

Nothing makes me feel more weak and useless than when my body is rebelling against me. I know that this is part of living with a chronic disease, but trust me, it doesn't make it any easier. This past month has been particularly tough. All the things that I want to do, the things that make me feel good and happy and calm and centered, are all things that I can't do right now. There has been no yoga, no personal training, no spin classes.

My knees have made an executive decision to be royally effed-up right now and they are taking the whole system down with them. It's been a while since I have had such a long flare of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and all my coping methods seem to have left on some tropical vacation and didn't tell me they were going away!

Bitches.

(may, 2013)

..........

L -"Mommy, do boys want to be beautiful?"

Me -"Of course, honey, everyone is beautiful in their own unique way."

L -"Mommy, do boys want to be responsible for their kids?"

Me -"Yes, daddies and mommies are both responsible for looking after their kids."

L -"Mommy, do daddies want to eat their kids brains?"

Me - "Ummm.....only if they are zombies."

These are the types of conversations I am having lately with my almost 5 year old daughter.

She is an observant little thing and notices everything around her.

Observations about  a woman in full burka. "Look mama, a ninja girl" Observations about a boy with Cerebral Palsy. "He has cool robot legs"

(july, 2013)

..........

As of this week I have one child in grade one and one in kindergarten. According to everyone, everywhere, I should be an emotional wreck of a mother right about now. Crying and wailing as my babies leave me and I realize that I won't be there if they fall and scrape their knees, if someone says something to hurt their feelings or if they need help doing ANYTHING!

The thing is, I am not that mother. Not anymore.

The past few mornings at school as my daughters class lines up to go inside, there are a couple of kids who just don't really get the routine just yet. This is totally understandable, it's their first week, it's all new to everyone and it's a bit of a zoo in the mornings as everyone rushes in after the first bell rings. As I looked over to one mama I know, I could see the tension in her face and I asked her what was wrong?

"Oh, its just {kid's name here}, she is so spaced out and distracted about everything."

I grabbed this mom by the shoulders and I said, "YOU need to relax. She is feeding off of your energy and if she sees you calm and focused, she is going to get there too."

And there you have it Mamas (and daddies). If there is one lesson of parenting that I can impart to this world it is this.

Take a deep breath, slow your anxious heart rate and CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!

(september, 2013)

..........

I feel like the human race has lost its way.

That we are de-evolving as a species.

That Skynet or something like it is not that distant a reality if we are not careful.

The internet makes us all next door neighbours and it is harder and harder to live in our safe little bubbles when we can easily access each others bubbles 24/7. Our social networks make it hard to hide our indiscretions, our little (or big) faux pas of life, our oops moments and all those things that people used to say "behind closed doors" are now out there, for everyone to hear/read/watch.

It also makes it hard for people to hide their racism, their sexism, their ageism, their sizism... all the ISMs really. And I am not sure that we actually have MORE of it now then we have had in the past, I just think that we are FACED with it more each and every day via Facebook, or Twitter, or whatever other means of social networking people are using. And since we all know that the internet is forever, so to is everyone's memory of that time you totally wore "blackface" for Halloween and didn't get why that was such a big deal. Or that time you texted a picture of your penis to a much younger woman behind your wife and your constituents backs. Or that time you actually made a hashtag called #whitegirlsrock, in response to one called #blackgirlsrock because... I can't even think of a reason why?

I am pretty convinced that most of the world has been living in somewhat of a delusional state for quite a while now. Slavery was abolished, women got the vote, everyone has a Pride Parade these days and fat girls can even make it on the cover of fashion magazines. It's all good. No need to fight for anything anymore, the world is just hunky-dory.

Yeah, right...

(november, 2013)

..........

I spent 2 hours glued to my couch on Sunday night to watch the finale of the 27th season of Survivor. It was kind of a done deal for this season's winner, Tyson O, but I watched nonetheless, as I have every season for the past 13 years.

And because I have watched Survivor for over a decade, I kinda GET this show. I get how you play it and I get how you win it. I have a visceral response to EVERY tribal council and my body actually shakes uncontrollably. It's weird, I know.

This week's final tribal council was an interesting one to watch. Tyson, Monica and Gervase gave their final speeches to the seven voted-out jury members and they in turn asked their questions of the final three. What I found interesting were the questions that everyone was asking of Monica. At least three of the jury members asked Monica to reveal something vulnerable, something REAL and authentic about herself and her game play. I admit that it was a bit painful to watch her struggle to answer these questions. At one point she asked everyone, "Have you all never met a nice person?"

And so, this got me thinking, what does a nice person look like? Sound like?

And when we do see one of these strange beings, why are we so leery of them?

(december, 2013)

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I went to a yoga class this morning at my friend Mandy's studio. It is this small, peaceful, perfect space and myself and five other ladies had a wonderful yoga practice together. The energy that flows from Mandy is serene and this morning's practice was one of those things that I didn't really know I needed until it was over.

It is amazing what opening up your body physically can do to your mind and opening it up as well. So today, I am open to possibility, to wonder and to listening to my own needs and giving myself what I need to be a better human being for those who need me.

(may, 2014)

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I had no new words today, but I do have some very pretty flowering trees blooming in my yard and that makes me happy!

Newness  will come when it is ready.

natasha~