Am I pretty? And other ways we use the internet...
A couple of weeks ago I came across something on the internet that made my heart and my head hurt. It made me hurt for the awkward, unpopular, misunderstood, lost teenage girl that I was oh so many years ago, and it made me hurt for all the awkward, unpopular, misunderstood, and lost teenage girls that are doing this THING today.. The thing I am talking about is a YouTube phenomenon called, " Am I Pretty or Ugly?". Girls, many of them young teenagers, upload a video of themselves and ask the collective opinion of the brutally honest (read: cruel) YouTube commenters to tell them if they are, you guessed it, pretty or ugly.
I am simultaneously saddened that hundreds of girls are doing this (There are almost 600,000 results when you search for "am I pretty or ugly" on Youtube) and I am curious as to how this phenomenon differs from our culture of sharing/oversharing/liking/+1'ing/RTing and so on that we do everyday on all our various social media sites. If you really think about this, have we actually progressed that far from that insecure teenager looking for some kind of validation?
And if we are also being brutally honest here and the answer is not really, then why is that?
We post multiple different kinds of selfies all over the internet. We post pictures of cakes we have baked and delicious meals we have prepared. We post before and after pictures of our house cleaning. We post pictures of our fancy new nail polish application. We post our #NewDo pics. We post our sweaty faces after a good workout. And then we wait. We wait for the validation of our efforts. We wait for the likes, the <3, the fancy emoticon hearts. We wait for the comments. We wait to be told from friends and strangers alike that, "Yes, yes indeed, you are pretty, talented, organized, creative, sparkly, strong, brilliant, hilarious!" We would all be lying through our teeth if we didn't admit to feeling that validation, that sense of "they like me, they really, really LIKE me" every time there is a new like or comment or favourite or RT on any of the different ways we broadcast ourselves each and every day.
I think we are all guilty of doing a bit of the "am I pretty or ugly" game. We just frame it differently now that we are grown-ups and are, of course, fully confident in ourselves and our lives (ha!). For the most part, we also choose our audience better too (although I suppose this is debatable depending on your followers or friends lists).
Is it any wonder that our children are now using these tools and these sites to seek validation about themselves? Think of the examples we are setting for them all the time. We record all of their special moments and tell ourselves that we are going to go home and make a wonderful video montage of their lives for posterity and what do we do instead? We upload it to Vine or Instagram or Facebook and wait for the "OMG!! So much CUTENESS!!!" comments. We lose the pure thrill of the moment and wait for the thrill of "sharing" that moment with everyone else. We are essentially showing our children that they exist for others entertainment, for mommy and daddy to broadcast to the world and we are telling them that the internet gets a say in their lives. So, it begs the question then, why wouldn't they then take control of this into their own hands once they are able to and seek that validation on their own?
Look, I am not trying to be a hypocrite. I post A LOT of pictures and videos of my kids online. As they get older though, I am becoming more and more aware of how this can and WILL affect them in the future. They will see their photos on the internet and they will see the comments. They will see MY comments and they will read what others have said about them too, the good and the bad.
Something in all of this brings me back to what I learned from Gordon Neufeld last year at his "Raising Kids in a Digital Age" lecture. I went back and had a look at my notes and his slides and found the one I was thinking about.
Dr. Neufeld calls this diagram the "roots of attachment". These roots are the things that all children, all human beings, need to feel like they belong, that they are loved, that they have a strong home base that they are attached to. It's our job as parents to provide all of these things, to ensure that these "roots" have a good strong hold in the ground before the "plant" can grow to its full potential. Yet if you take a closer look at all of these things, most of them can be associated with or superficially fulfilled by one form of Social Media or another. Contact and connection - Friend Request and Follow. Approval and significance - LIKE and RT. Belonging and loyalty - Groups and Lists and Circles. Warmth and Love - comments and <3 and :-) faces!
Listen, you don't have to be a renowned child psychologist to figure out that the internet in all its glorious connectivity, is actually removing us from true human connection and attachment. That in our attempts to give our children all they need to be independent and "successful" in this world, we are actually letting them loose into a world that, for the most part, does not CARE about their best interests, that can and will judge them anonymously for every flaw and every wrinkle in the pattern of their being. Unless we really start to think about how we are raising our children (and how we ourselves are behaving and using Social Media) in this digital age, we are running the risk that our children will see themselves through the distorted and superficial lens of something that, try as they might (through asking questions like "Am I pretty or ugly?) will never fill up their basic human need for connection and attachment and a true sense of self-worth.
I realize that Youtube and social media and the internet are not going anywhere. I just hope that I am setting a good example for my children about how to use it responsibly and also making sure that overall, the roots of their budding trees are getting all the watering and nutrients that they need to thrive in this world, both online and off.
natasha~
*For more information about the 'Am I pretty or ugly?' phenomenon, check out the website and project that performance artist Louise Orwin has started about it.
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #12
I can't believe it is Friday already! Short weeks confuse me. As do a lot of other rather simple things, but that is a post for another day... Let's get on with this weeks dose of Feminist Fare!
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1. I am a child of the 80's and 90's. I grew up listening to records of ABBA and Pat Benatar and mix tapes recorded off the radio and then watching the corresponding music videos via Video Hits and Good Rockin' Tonight on our three-channel television after school. I have always been a fan of the music video genre and spent most of a day a few weeks ago introducing my 7 year old to the wonders of Michael Jackson's music and epic 15 minute long videos (Thriller was his favourite).
These days it's more difficult to find music videos that my kids can watch without me having to answer questions like: "Mom, why are they being so inappropriate?" or "Mom, I can totally see her bum in that outfit." or "Mom, why is she licking that hammer?" or "Mom, why does that guy keep grabbing his crotch?" (although to be fair, I got this one with all of MJ's videos too).
Why all the video talk? Because this week, Lily Allen came back to the music scene (after a babies-making hiatus) with her new single "Hard Out Here" and its video release. I first noticed it on Twitter being touted (tweeted) as "a fabulous feminist take-down of all things sexist in pop music these days". So of course I clicked on the link and watched the video. I tweeted that link once and left it at that for the night... I was having mixed feelings about the video and I couldn't quiet get to that place of "RA-RA FEMINISTS RULE!" that some on the internet were going on and on about.
Something about it just wasn't sitting well with me...
I woke up the next morning and read this post from We Geeked This and then it all solidified in my brain. The video didn't actually take down the racist parts of pop culture and I realized that you can't satirize something like objectification of Women of Colour with simply MORE objectification of said women.
"What if we looked at Lilly Allen’s video and instead of saying,
“it IS ‘Feminism’ because she is fighting ‘The Patriarchy’ and that’s the only thing that matters!”
Much more has been said and written about Ms. Allen and her new video and I highly recommend you read both Jessica Wakeman's piece from The Frisky and also Black In Asia's in depth analysis of the video as well. MUCH food for thought with this one.
Now... back to finding music videos to show my children. Ones that don't perpetuate these sexist OR racist stereotypes. Wish me luck!
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2. We don't need feminism anymore. Stop it already, ladies, you can vote now, you've won! Feminism is hurting all the menfolk! And now...
This is the first line of a post by Micah J. Murray at redemptionpictures.com. Now GO and read the rest of his post. (And for the first time EVER, I want you to read the comments-at least the first few. They are PRICELESS!)
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3. And because sometimes, the internet is a really, really wonderful place and it is for those moments of pure awesome that I stick around, I give you #BATKID! And all the amazing and awesome people in San Fransisco (AKA Gotham City) who are making his Make-a-Wish dream come true today!
Follow along on the ABC News livestream to feel ALL THE FEELINGS today (and have some tissues handy!)
nananana-nananana BATKID!!!
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Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Natasha~
Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #11
I just want to say it. AGAIN. I really do not like Daylight Savings Time. Why must we still have this in our world? Why can't we just do this? Parents all over North America would get on board with this. I guarantee it! And I wouldn't have felt so damn tired all week, barely able to read anything, let alone write (which I had intended to do, what with it being #NaBloPoMo and all.) As you can see though, all was not totally lost to DST and the internet did not disappoint this week with it's juicy selection of feminist fare!
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1. It is not even the end of the first week of November and it is that time of year. ALREADY!! Christmas decorations are all over the malls, the box sets of gifts are out at all the stores and kids all over North America will soon be combing through the famous Christmas Wish Books. And if you happen to have a boy who loves to cook, or who sees his dad taking care of his baby sister and wants to be just like him, or a girl who wants to be a crane operator, we can only hope that this is the year that toy manufacturers get with the program and stop the BIG GENDER DIVIDE that does no one any good. Because although we hear about the incredible marketing that is targeted at our impressionable daughters on the pink and girly side of the toy store, we tend to forget about or are not as aware of the bigger and more insidious marketing that is actually happening to our boys. Joanne at Let Toys be Toys takes a closer look at this phenomenon and how toy manufacturers and marketers continue to paint our children into very two-dimensional caricatures of what it means to be male and female.
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2. And while we are on the subject of society dictating how exactly boys (and girls) should behave, this was sent to me by an old friend and I love it! I plan on talking to my daughter (and my son for that matter) about her body JUST LIKE THIS...
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3. Yes, yes, I know. I posted a video of Joss Whedon last week talking about why he writes strong women, but the dude just keeps saying the most thought provoking things. What do YOU think about his most recent talk at this year's Equality Now event? Are we done with this word? (If so, does that mean I am going to have to change my blog name... AGAIN!)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmzlKHuuoI[/youtube]
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4. As you can imagine, I follow/read quite a few awesome feminists online and in recent months have gotten an IMMENSE education about the history of feminism from some amazing feminist women of colour and from a perspective that I didn't know existed. I even wrote a somewhat naive, privileged white woman's "why can't we all just get along" post just a few months ago. And then I learned to shut up and listen. I read the #solidarityisforwhitewomen twitter stream and knew it to be true. So when scrolling through Twitter this past week and seeing the #BlackGirlsRock hashtag and BET awards show, I knew that it was a celebration that had nothing to do with me, but that many of my new online friends where very excited about and therefore I was too. Until some asshats decided to make a "what about the white girls" hashtag to, you know, EVEN things out a bit. Olivia Cole at Huffington Post responded to this despicable hashtag highjacking and I couldn't agree with her more even if I tried!
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5. And finally, I love Google. I really do. Ask it anything and BAM! Your answer is there. Often Google autofills in your questions/queries for you... (based on lists of previously typed queries from other Google users). For the most part this is a good thing. Until it really isn't...
[youtube]http://youtu.be/4SvePcldZgY[/youtube]
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So much farther to go... so much more to fight for.
Have a great weekend everyone!
natasha~
"Likes" don't save lives: #UNICEFDay 2013
Halloween is upon us and when it comes to this childhood tradition, like many things in my life, I am a purist. I like to encourage my kids to think outside the box (or racks) of traditional gender-biased costumes, I like to decorate our front porch with that crazy spider web stuff and DANGER tape everywhere and like the good hardy Canadian kids that they are, my children don their snow pants, squeeze their costumes on over top and go door to door in our neighbourhood screaming "TRICK OR TREAT" at the top of their little lungs. It's how I did it as a kid and I feel it is important to maintain these traditions for my kids. One of the things that I do miss from my childhood and that was always part of Halloween growing up were the little orange UNICEF boxes that everyone had as the ultimate accessory to their costume. My brothers and I used to have a little bit of a competition every year to see who could collect the most pennies and whoever had the heaviest box at the end of the night would get to pick something from the others candy haul. Those were some good {cavity-inducing) times.
And while the orange boxes may not be around anymore (UNICEF Canada cancelled the program in 2006), UNICEF continues to do amazing things for children all over the world. I had a chance to talk to some wonderful UNICEF representatives while I was at Blissdom Canada a few weeks ago and got a mini tour of UNICEF's main programs and humanitarian efforts that directly affect children around the world. It was an eye-opening, tear-inducing, heart-breaking and hope-creating experience for me.
From tasting the Plumpy Nut high protein therapeutic food that they provide for malnourished children, to following the trajectory of a vaccine from manufacturing to a child in a tiny village in a remote area of Mongolia, to picking up the VERY HEAVY jugs that children have to haul miles every day just to have safe drinking water for their families, it was humbling and inspiring to see what all those pennies we used to collect have done and what donations to UNICEF continue to do today for children the world over.
The one program that touched me the most was UNICEFs work with children in refugee camps. In the UNICEF room at Blissdom, hanging on the walls were pictures that were drawn by Syrian children from refugee camps and I am still haunted by their artwork. I have two children who love to express themselves through art. My 7 year old loves to draw pictures of dinosaurs and his latest Hero Factory toy and my daughter draws pictures of animals and her family daily. This is what Syrian kids are drawing...
And not because they saw these images on some superhero-to-the-rescue cartoon show, this is their REAL LIFE. We hear about Syria every other day in the news and the focus is always on drone warfare and chemical weapons and trying to figure out who is the bad guy in this particular war and what, if anything, we are to do about it. What we don't hear about are the over 3 million children IN Syria living in dire situations and caught in the lines of fire or about the over 1 MILLION children that have been displaced from their homes and are now living in refugee camps in Lebanon, Jordan, Iraq, Turkey and other regions of North Africa.
UNICEF has multiple ways that they help in these situations and one of them is through their Survival Gifts donation program. For just over $200 dollars you can send a whole school in a box to a refugee camp. Or an early childhood development box. These are literally big steel boxes with enough supplies for up to 50 kids that get shipped to the areas that need them. A tent can be turned into a school. The shade of a big tree can become a play area for toddlers. In the grand scheme of things this 'gifts' may not seem like much, but for a child who has lost everything and who is in a strange place and has a terribly uncertain future, a slice of normalcy-reading a book, learning his or her letters and numbers or stacking some blocks-can be just what is needed so that all hope is not lost and so that they don't forget what it means to just be a kid. There are many other much needed survival gifts that can be purchased and some for as little as $10.00. It really doesn't take much to help save a life.
Thursday, October 31st, 2013 is national #UNICEFDay. Won't you please join me and support UNICEF's work and NOT "LIKE" THIS POST at all! Instead, please visit Unicef.ca and purchase a life-saving survival gift. Think of it as a your little orange box and fill that sucker up with as much as you can. Somewhere in the world there is no Halloween, no trick-or-treating and no dress-up school parties to attend today. There is only fear, and hunger, and sickness, and despair, and no amount of "likes" is going to change that.
A gift of medicines, of tools for education, of blankets and nutritional supplements, these are the things that offer hope and comfort to these kids. So please, Tweet about #UNICEFDAY all day long, post it all over your Facebook page, and then walk the walk and let everyone know that your support goes further than just sharing something on your timeline.
I just bought a School-in-a-Box.
In my mind, it is one ginormous orange UNICEF box and someone now owes me some of their candy!
Happy #UNICEFDay Everyone!
Natasha~
P.S. Disclosure - I was not compensated in any way for this post, but thanks to the generosity of Hallmark, because of this post, 10 children will be getting a live-saving vaccination.
P.P.S. Want to get in on that action? Head on over and give UNICEF your email address and you too can help a child get vaccinated. One email address = one vaccine = one child's life.
Knock Knock Little Sucker: aka 'What I learned at Blissdom Canada.'
Blogging conferences are funny things. They are full of opportunity. They are fun. They are chalk full of women {and men} who are looking for connections and who are, for the most part, notorious over-sharers and gregarious huggers.
They are also terrifying and overwhelming and can send even the most seemingly extroverted person off to a far corner to hide from the hulabaloo and constant "who, what, where, when and why"?
Four weeks ago I made a snap decision to go to Blissdom Canada this year. The stars aligned one day and within 24 hours I had a conference pass, a roommate and a plane ticket booked. I guess it was a kind of conference kismet.
And then ALL of the self-doubt started to seep into me.
Why was I going this year? What did I hope to get out of it? I don't really fit the blogger target market of conferences like these and the sponsors who support them, so again, what was the point of me going exactly?
I convinced myself that this was going to be a glorified girls weekend with some fabulous women that 95% of the time I only connect with online. I registered for all the required sessions at the conference and chose the Creative and Change tracks versus the Business ones. I didn't even bother getting business cards made, since I don't really see what I do as "business" anymore.
With all of that done and a typed-out, page-long "how to be me for four days" instruction sheet for my husband taped to the refrigerator, on October 3rd, I packed my suitcase, valet parked my car at the fancy lot at the airport and hopped on a plane to Toronto.
Maybe it was because I did not have a lot of expectations going into this conference. Maybe it was because I was being more of an observer and listener than a talker this time around (I know, I know. WHAT??). Maybe it was because I avoided the whole monetizing side of things and spent time spending money at the Handmade Market instead. Or maybe it was because I wasn't worried so much about what people thought of me and I was just being me. Unapologetically Moi. Whatever it was, in the end, I was very pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the conference, getting to meet so many new faces and spending time with my beautiful peeps, Annie and Alex and Tillie!
One moment truly defined the conference for me. No, it was not the opening keynote, although Eric Alper's ability to make everything and anything relate back to music is simply amazing and somewhat uncanny. It wasn't the incredibly powerful "Social Media Etiquette" panel, that included the stupendous {in my squealing fan-girl opinion} Glennon Melton of Momastery fame and the quiet strength of Rehteah Parson's dad Glen Canning, even though that session did make everyone in the room think REALLY HARD about what they put out there (online) and what the universe inevitably gives back.
My moment came during the aptly-called "Power Hour". An hour of mini presentations à-la-TED-style that were inspirational (@Schmutzie), motivational (@CanadianDad) and hilarious (@sharonDV). I was standing at the back of the room absentmindedly scrolling though my Twitter feed when a speaker I had not heard of before was introduced.
I was still engrossed in some silly Twitter convo, when this speaker's words started to register in my brain and they pulled me away from my phone:
She wasn't giving the usual kind of presentation. She wasn't telling everyone in the room to be authentic and to find our voices and to tell our own stories. SHE WAS TELLING US ONE OF HER STORIES.
A story that she had written. On her blog. A story that was at once hilarious and crazy and so incredibly vivid and beautiful, that she had a whole standing-room-only conference room hanging on her every word.
And it was this moment, the simple act of Shannon Fisher telling us her crazy pig story that made my whole Blissdom Canada experience worthwhile. Her words sucked me right in and I felt like I was on that cold snowy road with her and the asshole pig. And having found the post afterwards, I have read it no less than three times already.
Then it hit me, a full week AFTER the conference ended. Why I went, what I needed from this conference and why I still want to continue over-sharing in this wacky world we call the 'Blogosphere".
I needed to redefine what blogging was for me. I needed to know that it is OK to be the blogger who doesn't work with brands, that it is OK that I am not blogging for the almighty dollar or the not so mighty, yet still lovely box of nice smelling bum wipes. I needed to know that MY stories matter. That my stories ARE making a difference for someone out there.
And the way that I learned that was through listening to someone else tell one of their stories. A big bonus was getting to sit down with Shannon at the after-after party on Saturday night to get to know her a bit too. She really is one cool chickita and I feel like I should leave you with another of her posts to read, just in case the pig story didn't already hook you.
Shannon's reading of her post out loud, the actual embodiment of the advice we often hear at blogging conferences about finding and using our authentic voices, THAT was my Lollipop Moment at Blissdom Canada.
And it took me this long to actually realize it!
Oh, and second epiphany...
@clippo and I take awesome Half-Ducky selfies!!
natasha~
P.S. You really need to watch this video and listen to Drew Dudley, who had the original Lollipop Moment, and hear his message. He was the amazing closing key note speaker at Blissdom Canada this year and blew us all away with his message about true leadership!
If it bleeds, it leads. Or we'll just pick at the healing scab. Again.
I was at the Blissdom Canada conference this past weekend. I had a wonderful time and will tell you all more about it in a different post. This post though, is about what happened on Thursday at Concordia University in Montreal. I am sure you are all racking your brains right now trying to think of the news Friday morning and what, if anything, you read or heard about Montreal or Concordia University. Can't think of anything right? Didn't think so.
Friday was the day that I met an incredible man. A man who is has been through what can only be described as a parents worst nightmare. A father working to change our world, who has taken what has happened to him and his family and is working to make the world safer for our daughters and sons. Friday afternoon, I met Rehtaeh Parson's dad, Glen Canning.
Friday afternoon I also learned just how much of what we read (or don't read) in our newspapers and online publications is manipulated by those behind the scenes. Friday afternoon the concept of "if it bleeds, it leads" hit me harder than ever before. So much so that I asked Glen if I could write about it and share his (and Rehtaeh's) continuing story. He agreed and here is what happened.
..........
On Thursday, October 3rd, Glen Canning was at Concordia's Centre for Gender Advocacy to celebrate the university's new Sexual Assault Resource Centre. It's a program and resource that students and the centre have been campaigning for since April of 2011 and with the recent hiring of a full-time social worker and program coordinator, the Sexual Assault Resource Centre is finally ready to open its doors to students and the community at large.
This kind of service is much needed at universities across the country and a big step for Concordia University and the Montreal community at large. One in four students will experience some form of sexual assault during their post-secondary years and 80% of those are women.
The problem however was that the imminent opening of the Centre and these much-needed services and resources was not the story that was published on Friday morning.
On Friday morning, the headlines that were all over national media publications said this:
Rehtaeh Parsons wanted to go to media before
her suicide, father says (Toronto Star)
Rehtaeh Parsons’ father says daughter wanted to
go to the media before her death (National Post)
Rehtaeh Parsons' father says she wanted to go to
media before her suicide (CTV news)
Any mention of the Centre for Gender Advocacy and the new sexual assault centre were lost in the media's headline hunger and frenzy over one or two things that Glen had said during the hour long press conference. The news outlets sensationalized his words even more by reporting that Rethaeh had "hatched a plan" to go to the media, using language that, in my opinion, sounded dangerously close to blaming her for wanting to speak out.
I had a chance to ask Glen how he felt about the press conference and the media's reporting of this event and here is what he had to say:
"I was really disappointed actually, the story was about the Centre for Gender Advocacy. It was about opening a service for women in Montreal. I was asked a quick question about my daughter and what parents would do if they were in my shoes and I said that if you are there and you have done everything you can, don't hesitate to go to the media if you don't think you are getting results. Make your story known. Looking back I wish I had done that and actually, Rehtaeh wanted to do that.
They took that as the headline for the entire event, they didn't really say a whole lot about something that was really really important. I got up this morning and read it and I felt disappointed. My daughter was used by four people, her photo was shared and used by a lot of people, it's been on a dating website and now, if that's not bad enough, the media is using her name for a headline. That is just so unfair, they should have reported on what the whole event was about and what it covered, because that was the big story there. And that's what I feel about it."
I get that "the news" is a cut-throat business and that yes, more often than not, if it bleeds it is going to lead. That's the news that makes people want to watch or click or pick up a paper or retweet or share. And really, that's all the newsmakers want, because that is what puts money in their pockets. The even sadder part of it is that they work hard to create the content that WE want. They KNOW how easily we all get sucked in.
Until we can change the landscape of our desires, our need for "blood", for sensationalized stories about tragic events and all the details of the affected people's lives, the real stories, the not-so-sexy stories, the stories about how to prevent more "blood", will always get buried underneath the catchy, click-bait-y, bleeding headlines.
I am disappointed too. That every national publication in this country chose to use Rehtaeh's name and tragic story once again for a front page headline on Friday morning. I am disappointed, that after a two-year campaign by STUDENTS to open a sexual assault centre on their campus, that these efforts where not deemed the newsworthy piece of the day. And ultimately, I am extremely disappointed that mainstream media refuses to acknowledge how complicit it is in the narrative of the culture of rape that exists in our world and chooses to take the road of victim-blaming language and sensationalism once again and not the one of social and cultural change.
It's a good thing we have awe-inspiring and incredibly resilient people like Glen Canning around to help lead the way down that far less travelled road. Even when that road is riddled with potholes big enough to swallow him whole, this is one man who will not let his daughter's life and the memory of her be one without purpose and without hope for a better future for all of our children.
And I have to believe that no matter how far off base the news headlines may try to steer us, the truth will emerge and prevail and change will happen.
natasha~
To tweet or not to tweet: That is the question.
I have been active on Twitter for almost 4 years. I was @naturalurbanmom for most of that, @SAHFeminist for a bit and now you can find me @NatashaChiam. I have sent almost 28,000 tweets in that time, have just over 4000 followers and am following ~1900 folks myself. I use Twitter in a few different ways. It is a way for me to stay up to date with news and world events (I follow a few trusted news agencies), to know what's going on in circles that matter to me (feminism, parenting, #YEG), to share my writing and blog with a larger audience and to stay in contact with friends near and far.
I LIKE Twitter. A LOT. I like that it is a real-time social tool and I like a lot of the people I have "met" via this platform. And on Twitter, I am ME. Yes, it also says Stay@HomeFeminist on my profile, and I live that reality every day, online and off.
But like anything in our highly digital world these days, Twitter has an ugly side. Or rather, Twitter allows for the ugly side of humanity to manifest itself a little bit easier.
We see it time and time again. A beautiful woman of colour wins the Miss America pageant and BOOM! The VERY ugly side of Twitter erupts. A woman wants to talk about Tropes in video games/pop culture and her life is threatened. And you can find countless awful examples of sexism and racism all over social media. These days Twitter is the no-holds-barred medium of the troll, the bully, the poor-priveledged-me's and the NIMBY's of the world and you can actually fit quite a few mean and hateful words into 140 characters.
Twitter seems to also be the place for people to have "personas". There is a whole subculture of Twitter, the so-called 'Weird Twitter', where people have anonymous accounts to which they can post all kinds of wacky, often highly inappropriate for everyday conversation things and they get to be all, well... weird. I am not knocking it, I just really don't get it.
And then there are the people who are "really nice IRL (in real life) or offline, but assholes online." To be perfectly honest, these are the ones that I have a hard time wrapping my brain around and the ones that piss me off the most. These are the subtweeters, the "I am not saying anything directly to you, or about you, but I'll just tweet MY OPINION about this topic and you can't get offended because it is only my opinion and it's not my fault if you don't like it." These online assholes are the subtle or not so subtle mockers of the internet. The ones that for some reason actually believe that their ONLINE personas do not represent the 'real' them and because of this and to keep up the act, think that it is totally acceptable for them to be assholes online.
The problem as I see it is this. An asshole is an asshole is an asshole. Whether you are online or off, 140 characters or 1200 words or face-to-face. And you can replace asshole with bully, or someone who plays the victim all the time, or any number of folks who insist on maintaining that their online 'personas' are separate from the real them.
This clip from Louis CK on Conan has been making the rounds this week and I am going to post it again. And while he is talking about why cell phones (and by extension what kids are doing on said cell phones) are toxic for our children, I think that too much of anything is toxic for ANYONE and that too much social media puts us all at risk of losing some of our empathy and turning into the "stupid kids".
[youtube]http://youtu.be/5HbYScltf1c[/youtube]
The validation that people get with a RT or an LMAO or a 'LIKE' is NOT real. The mean words that people write on any social media platform are and can have profound effects on others and for the most part, there are no real world consequences for them. Often these exchanges get chalked up to, "You misinterpreted my TONE' , and/or the apology of the bully, 'I'm sorry you felt bad and misunderstood my words, but that is on you, not me'. Yeah, online or IRL, that shit doesn't fly with me (and for me that kind of behaviour online often results in an unfollow and/or block).
Like she was reading my mind today, Glennon at The Momastery wrote about the dangers of social media (and cereal). She took a 40 day hiatus from social media and learned some life lessons that I definitely needed reminding of today.
And I'd go one step further and say that social media is also a breeding ground for those that like to bulldoze over others in the name of "having an opinion" and for people to let their inner asshole out to play with little to no regard for others or the consequences of their 140 characters.
It's enough to make a girl want to go on an internet fast of her own.
Which is what I just might do.
Maybe.
Starting in about 10 days.
You know, after I get back from that, ahem... social media/blogging conference thing.
{I know, I know, I have a problem.}
Signing off
{for today},
natasha~
Feminist Fare Fridays
The internet loves alliterations. Or maybe it is just me. Either way, I needed a way to share some of the writing, posts, videos and general feminist happenings of the week all in one place and on a regular basis for all of you to enjoy. So as of this day, Fridays on the blog shall be known as Feminist Fare Fridays.
I will share with you a small collection of the weeks best (and sometimes worst) feminist musings and a short commentary on each one. And depending on how you look at it, a quick perusal of my twitter timeline tells me that I picked a good week to start.
1. #solidarityisforwhitewomen I am sure you have seen this hashtag on Twitter at some point this past week and wondered what it was all about. If looking at that timeline makes you feel even a bit uncomfortable at all, you gotta let that feeling sink in. THAT is the point of it. For a more in-depth look at what the catalyst was for this particular conversation and what is evolving from it, please check out this post from the hashtag creator, Mikki Kendall and follow her on Twitter at @karnythia. My hope is that one day #solidarity can truly be for ALL, but first, we need to really listen to each other and perhaps lean in to that uncomfortable feeling and acknowledge what exactly that means.
2. I found this video through my daily Upworthiest emails. It is a TEdX talk given by renowned Nigerian novelist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie earlier this year and while she is talking about feminism in Africa, her message about what we teach our children and our expectations based on their genders, really hit home for me. We really should all be feminists!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/hg3umXU_qWc[/youtube]
3. And why exactly should we all be feminists? If the video above has not convinced you, please let this one do it.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/3pdbnzFUsXI[/youtube]
Granted this is a small sampling of random people off the street, but that gives this video even more punch. And by punch, I mean to the gut of every woman who has fought long and hard to be treated with respect, and dignity, and equality not just for herself, but for all women! Next time someone asks you if you consider yourself a feminist, especially if you are a woman, think about why you even have the right to speak up and answer that question!
4. The most ridiculous reason I have ever heard to not want to breastfeed was written this past week by a professor of Gender Studies. It is no surprise to anyone who is a regular reader that I am a staunch breastfeeding advocate or that I nursed both my children for 3 and 4.5 years respectively. Is breastfeeding a gender dividing act? Yes, it is. My husband, along with most men, does not produce milk from his mammary tissue, I do. Does this one act, this one aspect of parenting, help to reinforce the social differences between men and women and moms and dads? NO. I do not think it does. Social biases and gender differences and how you address these in your family go far beyond breastfeeding. Come up with a better reason to not breastfeed, Professor, cause I am not buying this one! And seriously, by your own logic, perhaps we should do a "runaround of our bodies to ensure equity" when it comes to the great gender dividing act of pregnancy too. Sheesh!
5. I like Craig Ferguson. There, I said it. And I like this. He's figured out WHY EVERYTHING SUCKS! And while this may not be a particularly feminist topic, perhaps in some way, it is. Media and advertisers still show us and tell us what and who we should aspire to be like...
[youtube]http://youtu.be/ROJKEwYEx8Q[/youtube]
I for one will not bow down to the Gods of youth and stupidity!
Have a great weekend everyone!
natasha~