Natasha Chiam 2/26/13 Natasha Chiam 2/26/13

I love my twitter stream....

Because I find hashtags like #MAKERSchat, that take me to the most inspiring, frustrating, idealistic, political and personal piece of television I have ever seen! I just spent the last 151 minutes watching Makers: Women who make America, and I highly recommend you watch it too. Download the video from iTunes, catch it again on PBS, find a friend who saved it on her PVR.

Just watch it.

It is our story, the story of women, the story that is not over...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/OOBo4hnk2g0[/youtube]

That my dears, is my silver lining for today (#16).

Good night my sisters!

Natasha~

Natasha Chiam 2/25/13 Natasha Chiam 2/25/13

this side of pro-choice

***Trigger warning: The following post covers the topic of abortion.

Please be aware of this while reading and sharing.***

** It also comes with some book spoilers too.**

I am part of a book club. Really, who isn't these days?

We are a bunch of women from all walks of life that meet once every 6-8 weeks and drink wine and eat chocolate and cheese and yes, we even discuss books!

This past week was Book Club Week and I was especially looking forward to it, because, 1) I really needed a night out and said wine and chocolate and 2) I actually finished this month's book choice a whole week ahead of time.

The book was Caitlin Moran's half autobiography, half feminist manifesto, "How to be a Woman". And if you haven't read it already, then I highly recommend you get yourself in the queue for the e-book from your local library ASAP! (See what I did there? Talking like a Brit. QUEUE!)

I am not going to lie, I really LOVED this book. It has already inspired this post a few weeks ago and after the many discussions had at book club last week, I can't help but write even more.

Once we had all settled in with our wine and chocolate and a hand-full of mini Licorice Allsorts (SCORE!!), it was time to get the formal discussion part of the night underway. I wasn't surprised that the first question, "Do you consider yourself a feminist?", caused some in the room to hesitate with an answer. I think the definition of feminism (we had the 39-page Wikipedia print out) has undergone so many waves and permutations that most women are confused by its meaning and as such find it hard identifying with it as part of who they are. This was a good a place as any to get the discussion going and go it did!

And while the topic of feminism and it's definition generated a lot of good idea sharing and clarification for some, the one chapter that got the most air time and perhaps evoked the most emotion in all of us, was Caitlin's very candid, brutally honest chapter on abortion.

I had to read this chapter twice to really absorb it and to understand what she was trying to say in it. It is a touchy subject, no matter how you frame it and Caitlin forced me to reexamine my views on the subject from all angles. All I could think of afterwards was how much respect I had for this woman. Caitlin writes that in the few minutes after she learns of the pregnancy, the minutes that pass in which she imagines this baby, this boy's whole life, she says:

"I can't have you," I tell him sadly. "The world will fall in if I have you."

She goes on to describe her abortion in detail and also how easy this decision was for her to make. Some in my group saw this as narcissistic and selfish, and I would suspect they thought it very unmotherly of her. Everyone around the room claimed to be pro-choice, but a lot of them had a very hard time with the way that she described her unborn child, the abortion itself, and the speed with which Caitlin made her choice to have one.

But I got it.

And when I was reading this chapter all I could think about was two years ago, when B and I were discussing whether or not to have another child (also known as me insisting that I "had a feeling that I wasn't done" and him telling me that he didn't have it in him again), HE got it too. Way before I did.

..........

I believe that as mothers, we are programmed (and to varying extents, expected) to give and give and give. We have a child and all of a sudden the weight of the world is literally on our shoulders and God forbid you have an unmotherly thought in your mind or do something that does not fully acknowledge you as the self-sacrificing martyr that you somehow have now become. Sometimes we lose sight of how much of ourselves we are constantly giving. That for some it gets to the point that we are no longer happy, no longer fulfilled, feeling resentment, suffering in silence from anxiety and depression and just going through the motions of our lives. Why do we do this to ourselves? There is no prize for who sacrificed the most, who is the most giving, who loses themselves the most in this gig.

So why on earth would we ever tell a woman that all zygotes conceived must be born, or that she should not have that choice, especially if it indeed does mean that her world will fall in?

One of the mamas in our club said that the reason she wanted to have three children was because she wanted that sense of happy chaos in her family and not just the easiness of two kids. I understood what she meant, but her comments gave me pause and got me thinking more about this.

Who decides what level of chaos is "happy" for any family?

For some that may be three children, for others it is one child, for others still it may be 5 or 6, or if you are the Duggars it is 20+. Whatever your number is, what is important is that YOU know what that threshold is, that you know your capacity for love, for giving, for, as Caitlin so aptly puts it, "...being life support to someone who weeps for me and rages against me..." Because when it comes down to it, no matter how much we are told that it is, that capacity is NOT without its limits and without sacrificing something in return.

I left this chapter with a new understanding of what pro-choice means to me. It is not just about choosing to have an abortion or not, it is about choosing a life that is versus a life that may be. I have a deep respect for Caitlin and all other women like her, who are strong enough to make a choice that says, "THIS. This is all the family that I WANT, all that I NEED and I simply can not do more than this." Her words and her story and her ease with which she made her decision, a decision based on her threshold for keeping her world together, keeping herself whole and sane, and made with no guilt or shame, made it very clear to me that so many of our choices in life (and especially in motherhood) are not made like that.

Last week Annie at Phd in Parenting took a closer look at the issue of choice and why it is seen as stalling feminism these days. The one line in her post that struck me the most was when she said,

"Shame is a barrier to social change, in feminism and in many other spaces."

And this is what was bothering me that night at book club. I was in the minority in my feelings about Caitlin's chapter and opinions on abortion and I couldn't understand why. Then I read Annie's post and it hit me, the other women in the room did not feel that Caitlin showed enough shame or guilt about her decision. That she was too flippant about it. That is was callous of her to describe this child and imagine his life, knowing full well that he was never to be born. The problem was that everyone was thinking about the potential child in this situation and not the ACTUAL WOMAN LIVING HER LIFE RIGHT NOW, who showed no shame in her decision and made it with a certainty that made a lot of people uncomfortable.

And then, two more very important questions and issues arose for me that night that I am realizing are quite complex and quite possibly rooted in some deep, deep patriarchy.

Why do we always question (and judge) the motives of a woman's decisions when it comes to her body and those she brings forth from it?

AND

Why are decisions made out of love (and knowledge) of ourselves as women and mothers almost always seen as inherently selfish?

I would love to hear what you have to say on this.

Natasha~

Natasha Chiam 2/25/13 Natasha Chiam 2/25/13

this side of pro-choice

***Trigger warning: The following post covers the topic of abortion.

Please be aware of this while reading and sharing.***

** It also comes with some book spoilers too.**

I am part of a book club. Really, who isn't these days?

We are a bunch of women from all walks of life that meet once every 6-8 weeks and drink wine and eat chocolate and cheese and yes, we even discuss books!

I am not going to lie, I really LOVED this book. It has already inspired this post a few weeks ago and after the many discussions had at book club last week, I can't help but write even more.

"I can't have you," I tell him sadly. "The world will fall in if I have you."

But I got it.

..........

So why on earth would we ever tell a woman that all zygotes conceived must be born, or that she should not have that choice, especially if it indeed does mean that her world will fall in?

Who decides what level of chaos is "happy" for any family?

Last week Annie at Phd in Parenting took a closer look at the issue of choice and why it is seen as stalling feminism these days. The one line in her post that struck me the most was when she said,

"Shame is a barrier to social change, in feminism and in many other spaces."

And then, two more very important questions and issues arose for me that night that I am realizing are quite complex and quite possibly rooted in some deep, deep patriarchy.

Why do we always question (and judge) the motives of a woman's decisions when it comes to her body and those she brings forth from it?

AND

Why are decisions made out of love (and knowledge) of ourselves as women and mothers almost always seen as inherently selfish?

I would love to hear what you have to say on this.

Natasha~

Natasha Chiam 11/15/12 Natasha Chiam 11/15/12

When girls build the world.

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

I have been thinking about writing on the topic of little girls for a long time. What kind of world our daughters are growing up in and how we as modern women and feminists are shaping that world.

The US Elections were fascinating for me to watch. Time and time again we heard about and saw the attack on women by various members of the GOP and their ridiculously ignorant statements made about girls and women with regards to contraception, rape, even about actually being allowed to vote! As a woman I was outraged and shocked by some of the hatred and bigotry being spewed by this political party. As a Canadian, I was ever so thankful for the country that I live in. As far from perfect as it may be, my rights as a woman over my body and my mind have never been an issue here!

Last week, this internal 'war on women' by the GOP was lost. BIG time. More women (1 in 5 actually) have seats in the US Senate than ever before and Tammy Baldwin became the first openly gay senator in the history of the USA. Whether or not the analysts think it is true, I personally believe that American women and the men {and women} who love them sent a very clear message that this "war" will no longer be tolerated. Women want a voice in government and one that truly represents THEM, not necessarily one who thinks HE does, but really has no clue whatsoever and prefers to keep his women in a binder!

The whole idea of women gaining some ground in the Game of Life has me stoked. If you don't know yet about how the characters line up in this game, then I highly recommend that you head over to John Scalzi's post about this. Scalzi points out, in language that he hopes most dudes might understand:

"In the role playing game known as The Real World, “Straight White Male” is the lowest difficulty setting there is.

This means that the default behaviors for almost all the non-player characters in the game are easier on you than they would be otherwise. The default barriers for completions of quests are lower. Your leveling-up thresholds come more quickly. You automatically gain entry to some parts of the map that others have to work for. The game is easier to play, automatically, and when you need help, by default it’s easier to get."

It's kind of a interesting point of view and one that has come up more than once in the past few weeks, here and here and most recently (for me at least) again this week.

On Tuesday night on my Facebook page I posted a link to a video that I found on Upworthy that described an amazing new toy designed for girls. Have a listen to Debbie, the CEO and creator of Goldie Blox explain why she developed it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AtZfNU3zw[/youtube]

The response to her video was incredible and Debbie reached her Kickstarter goal in just 5 days! Goldie Blox is now heading to production with delivery dates scheduled for the Spring of 2013.

The next day, when I saw some of the comments left after I posted the video with the status that,"THIS toy should be on everyone's little girl's list for Christmas next year", I was confused.

One person wrote,

"Or how about every *Childs* Christmas list? My son would adore this. Wanting this toy for girls is really no different than saying certain toys are only for boys. It's definitely a great toy, would just warm my heart if it didn't have to be so gender biased. Equality, that's the goal right?"

There were more comments with variations on the same theme.Why a toy geared only to girls? Why not in more gender neutral colors? Why is Goldie a blond, blue-eyed girl? I want this kind of toy for my son too.

I thought to myself, crap, maybe I should have typed CHILD instead of GIRL in that status. Yes, it is about equality for all. Did I miss the boat on this one?

But then I stopped and thought about it some more.

And NO.

Debbie has it right.

Did you hear what she said?

"89% of the Engineers in our world are MEN. We LITERALLY live in a world built by men."

Men who were once boys, who played with Lincoln logs, Legos, Kinex and all kinds of gender neutral or primarily boy-centric building sets and toys. If this is what you want for your son, something that he is going to build things with to his little heart's content, then there is no shortage of toys and sets and games out there for him.

Girls need more toys like this. Toys that both appeal to them visually and challenge their brains as well as the status quo of what you have to be when you grow up. Heck, I'll even make a case for the pink Lego. My little girl was not really into Lego until her Auntie bought her a bucket of the pink stuff for Christmas last year. Now we can all sit for hours and make all kinds of things with our Lego. It is all mixed together at this point, but she needed that pink push to get interested and excited about playing with it and tapping into that creative builder part of her brain. And she still calls all the pink pieces, HER Legos.

The thing I think we all need to remember is this. We do not live in a world where "all things being equal" exists {yet}. Women and girls may be 50% of the population, but in pretty much everything else we are or have it is far from being equal. Fighting for equality for all means coming to terms with the fact that that very equality does not exist. Men and boys get the default "lowest difficulty setting" in our world and girls just don't. Women and girls have to work twice as hard to have our voices heard, our rights protected, and to even the playing field in all things economic, political and social.

So no, this toy does not need to be made in gender neutral colours so that it appeals to boys too. Those toys already exist, all you have to do is visit the Lego section at any Toys R Us to see that. Goldie Blox is a fabulous addition to the toy world that will get girls interested in building and maybe even a career in engineering. And just like Debbie, I too dream of the day when all of our children get to live in a world built by both women and men!

Happy Building Girls!

Natasha~

**This is by no means a sponsored post. All opinions here are my own and I was not compensated by the company in any way. If you are interested in purchasing a Goldie Blox for your daughter or grandaughter or niece, then head over to their website HERE to get in on the action!!**

Natasha Chiam 8/31/12 Natasha Chiam 8/31/12

Prince Charmings need not apply

Last night I was up until 1:00 AM having a very interesting conversation with a few people on a friend's Facebook wall. Kevin posted this status update to his page and his blog and then let the chips fall (and as you can see, they did indeed fall... 115 times).

The conversation got off to a quick start when another commenter posted that he disagreed, did not love 'bitches' and then said this,

And I think a lot of modern female culture is just an excuse for bad behaviour and out of control narcissism.....

I couldn't resist, at that point I HAD to say something.

I asked him for clarification on what he thought "modern female culture" was and after some initial back and forth and outright and admitted ignoring of my question, he finally answered.

Natasha - modern female culture: a couple of weeks ago I met with a public relations strategist. Years of data and research led him to conclude that the only demographic that makes sense these days is women 30-55. They make 47% of all family decisions alone, 33% of family decisions in collaboration with their partner but they are dominant in the discussion, and men make 20% of the decisions (most of which revolve around golf and cars). The conclusion? Men have become functionally irrelevant in modern society. Women rule. Male presidents and prime ministers and CEOs only mask much deeper and profound changes of the past two decades. Your gender is now dominant.

He went on to state a bunch of other anecdotal evidence of the above as well. That most of his male friends admit that their wives and girlfriends are the dominant ones in their relationships and that they are unhappy about this and that in general, men don't like to date women who are dominant.

While in this day and age the concept of one party being dominant in any relationship, especially a marriage/life partnership, smacks of some severe dysfunctionality to me, I was really trying to understand this person's point of view. Why, you ask? Because lately, I have witnessed some of this very behaviour in a few relationships around me and I am trying to figure out why this is happening.

Have men truly become 'functionally irrelevant' in our society?

A woman does not NEED a man these days. A woman can support herself financially, can train in any profession or trade she chooses, and can even have children without a man. Women make 85% of consumer purchasing decisions and 75% of women identify themselves as the primary purchaser for their households.

Women continue to seek equality in terms of jobs and salaries paid (we are still a ways off from this as the most recent statistics from Stats Canada reveal that women are still only making 83.3% of what a man makes). We want our relationships to be true partnerships, with each person having their strengths (and weaknesses) complimented by those of the other person.

We have come a long way from the fairy tales of princesses needing knights in shining armour to save and protect us from all things. And although that "princess culture" still exists, we fight it, some of us more fervently than others. We tell our daughters that they can be anything they want to be, that there is more to life than being a pretty princess waiting for her prince charming to come along.

But where does this leave all those Prince Charmings? All those boys who are now men, who heard the same stories and grew up believing that it is their job to take care of the princesses, move them into their own castles and live happily ever after? Is there a whole generation of men who really don't know how to have functional relationships with women who have brains as well as beauty? Women who refuse to BE the princesses, who don't tow the old lines of "honor and obey thy husband" or society's historical expectations of what a proper woman is or does (IE, shut up, smile and look pretty)?

From what I read and contributed last night on my friend's Facebook thread and from what I have witnessed recently in my own world, I think that for some men, this may indeed be the case. They need to be the dominant ones in their relationships, the one pulling the strings, making all the major decisions and the one being the knight who has the pretty, helpless (and quiet) princess on his arm at the ball.

I don't think they make up a lot of our society and I do think that this may be limited to men of a certain generation (40+). I highly doubt we will see this in the next few generations of boys and men who are being brought up by strong women who no longer buy into all of this princess/prince charming culture, but are strong, intelligent and independent Queens who are running their own kingdoms, with or without a King of equally valuable strength, intelligence, love and compassion at their sides!

What do you think? Are the middle-aged Prince Charmings of the world struggling with their role in modern society?

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is Post #29 of the Summer Blog Challenge that ENDS TODAY!

Please visit these other sites and congratulate all of the challenge participants for getting through this month

and giving you all some great reading!

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/19/12 Natasha Chiam 8/19/12

#notbuyingit

Okay. So I am usually not one to get all worked up about shit like this, but for some reason today, this is really, REALLY bothering me.

I opened up my email this morning and the first thing that I saw was this.

It's the new Halloween Ad from Gymboree.

And according to the fine folks at Gymboree, my girl's choices for Halloween or dress up are Pixie, fairy, flower or bug and my boy, well, he gets to have an awesome job. Now, you've all seen my girly girl and you and I both know that she would gladly choose any of the above girl costumes. But what if the EMT or the Astronaut picture was of a girl model instead of a boy? Would she perhaps choose one of those instead?

This kind of advertising is not just happening at Gymboree. Old Navy's gender stereotyping for Halloween is just as bad, if not worse. They actually have a separate Toddler Boys and Toddler Girls section for costumes. Really Old Navy, save us Moms that extra click and just have them all in the same section!

I mentioned this on Twitter this morning and had a nice conversation with a young man named @traviswallis. When I said that I thought it would be nice to see some girl models in the ads wearing the dragon or astronaut or pirate costumes, his response was this:

And that right there... THAT is the problem in our society!

90% of {North} Americans wouldn't buy it!

And we wonder why there is gender inequality in our world?

It starts the minute they are born. Pink and blue, dolls and cars, Barbies and Superheroes. It's in ALL the advertising that is supposedly aimed at us, the parent consumers, but is in actuality totally aimed at our kids!

Now some of your may be saying, but why does this matter Natasha, you can just let your daughter choose whatever costume she likes and not worry about whether it is a 'boy' costume or a 'girl' one. To this I say, really? Have YOU tried to dress an almost 4-year old girl lately (or 6-year old boy for that matter)? Trust me, I have very little say in what they wear these days and both my daughter, and her older brother, are very aware of the separate Girl and Boy sections at stores when we are shopping. It's not that easy to say it doesn't matter when it is presented like this right in front their very impressionable young faces.

In my opinion, this kind of advertising just solidifies the media messages that YOU, my girl, are just supposed to be pretty, pretty, pretty and YOU, my boy, get to be all kinds of different and awesome and worthy things.

And that kind of gender-based messaging just doesn't fly around here and is NOT gonna happen or be let into this house!

Sorry Gymboree, Old Navy and whoever else wants to continue to advertise to me (and my kids) like this.

This Mama is #NOTbuyingit!

And my kids are both different and awesome and worthy of a whole lot more than your pithy portrayals of what girls and boys want to be for Halloween!

{end rant}

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post #18 on Day 19 of the Summer Blog Challenge.

Have you visited these other fine bloggers lately?

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/13/12 Natasha Chiam 8/13/12

Feeding the wolves

A Cherokee Legend

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

~~~~~

I read this tonight and it really made me stop and think.

Which wolf am I feeding?

I woke up this morning, dead tired from a wonderful weekend at Folk Fest and ready to get back to real life. We had swimming lessons to get to, the neglected laundry to wash/dry/fold/put away and I had some calls to make on the never ending house and landscaping to do list.

As I usually do in the morning while the kids are eating breakfast, I checked in on my social media sites. And I saw something on my Facebook feed that immediately pissed me off. It's been something that has been bugging me for a few weeks and I really shouldn't care about it, but I do. I am human, I have an ego and we were both feeling hurt. It is a "little thing" and it was starting to "set me into a fit of temper".

I REALLY wanted to be passive aggressive and post something scathing about this thing that is bugging me on Twitter or Facebook. I wanted to say that some of the people involved don't deserve to be there and that I am just as worthy. (And, no, I am not going to tell you what it is. This is all you are going to get from me about it.) I did not post these thoughts that I was having anywhere and the reason for that was becauseI realized that the real issue here is...

That I was jealous.

Jealous that I was not asked to be part of something and others were.

And these feelings, this jealousy, this negativity, this anger that I am feeling is FEEDING THE WRONG WOLF!

So, instead of going on a public feeding frenzy, I shut it down. I logged out of my social media sites, the kids and I had lunch, and then we all snuggled together in my bed and had a much needed two and a half hour nap.

I don't know about you, but I am seeing WAY too much of these kinds of wolf feeding patterns EVERYWHERE on the Internet lately and the Big Bad Wolf population is getting a bit out of hand.

Don't like how someone is raising their kid--feed the bad wolf!

Don't like the mama breastfeeding her child at the restaurant - FEED the bad wolf!

Don't like pictures of babies on the Internet - feed the bad wolf! (Or just download a ridiculous App for that.)

Don't like the way a company or a group is running their business - feed the bad wolf!

Don't like a certain group of anyone in particular for whatever ridiculous reason - feed the bad wolf!

This list could go on and on and on. It seems that as human beings, we have no shortage of things that piss us off. Things that make us angry and hateful and overly critical and judgmental and yes, jealous too. The Internet and social media, for all the amazing things that they can do in terms of connecting us all, they are also havens for these big bad wolves just waiting for feeding time!

Today I made a decision. I looked inside of myself at the two wolves fighting for dominion over my spirit.

And I chose the Good Wolf.

I chose to feed her, to let go of the hurt that I know was never intended to hurt and to find harmony with those around me. I chose to find harmony with myself as well. When feeding the good wolf today, I really thought about why I do the things that I do, particularly blogging. I realized that although recognition and accolades and sponsorships and all the rest of it is nice, it is not what keeps me here.

This chronicle of my life and my thoughts and my journey, it is what it is and it is for ME. I write to become a better writer. I write to share thoughts that otherwise clog up my brain and keep me awake at night. I write to share my experiences in the hopes that others will be inspired, will laugh, will cry and will perhaps take some grain of knowledge or wisdom or silliness away with them into their own lives.

I write to feed the Good Wolf.

And that is enough for me.

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is Day 13 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge.

Not quite half-way, but it is practically all downhill from here. Right?

Please keep reading and encouraging the other participants as well.

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha Chiam 8/7/12 Natasha Chiam 8/7/12

Feminism.. you are doing it all wrong!

I am one confused woman... and mother... and, dare I say it... feminist. And I apologize ahead of time if this post goes a bit all over the place {see statement above} and if I am about three months late on this band wagon! .

I have been trying for the past week or so to read Elizabeth Badinter's book, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women. And I just can't do it anymore.

It is hurting my head and my heart and my very soul reading her words.

And it is doing so on so many levels.

It hurts me because of her blatantly condescending attitude about pretty much everything that I value, hold dear and practice as an attachment parent mother.

It hurts me because of her "look how wonderful WE the French women are at everything we do". From having the highest birth rate in Europe to, you know, getting perineum therapy after having a baby to make sure everything gets all nice and tightened up again 'down there'! {I am serious!! This is a THING people and French social insurance COVERS it!!}

It hurts me because of my own French heritage {my mother was born in Nice} and the beautiful extended French family that I have and love and how it is skewing my view of all things French.

And it hurts me in my feminist heart. Because she is basically saying that I am doing IT {feminism} all wrong.

And she is not the only one.

According to Elizabeth Wurtzel, who wrote how 1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible for The Atlantic this past June, I am not a REAL feminist either. Her reasoning for this?

Let's please be serious grown-ups: real feminists don't depend on men. Real feminists earn a living, have money and means of their own.

So that's it I guess. I must hang up my feminist hat because my husband and I made a decision for our family that I would stop working. A decision that made sense to us both financially and emotionally. And I'd like to point out that although it was ultimately my choice to leave my very well-compensated and highly fulfilling career to fully embrace motherhood, it was Natural Urban Dad who had a harder time wrapping his head around the idea of someone else beingthe primary caregivers for our children during the day.

So, I love the earth, am a breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, organic baby food making, babywearing, stay-at-home-mother, and I don't earn a living. Therefore...

I am NOT a good feminist.

Wurtzel argues that feminism is not something that you FEEL. That it is an absolute and that if you are not living up to the definition by doing all things equally to men than you are ruining it for all women. Badinter pushes this even further and implies that if you are not only not working and earning a living , but also are not getting yourself all back to your pre-baby sexy self and self-indulgent lifestyle in a matter of weeks (Psst, she is the heiress and Board Chair to the PR firm that has contracts with Nestle, Pampers and such, so consider her position in this with a ~~boatload~~ grain of salt!), then you are a slave to that anti-feminist movement she likes to call modern "naturalist" motherhood.

This is what I find highly amusing about both of these women going on and on about what is or is not killing feminism. Wurtzel is saying that it is the 1% super-rich mamas who have nannies and are stay-at-home parents who get pedicures and go to Jivamukti classes (I had to google that one. As one of my daughter's favourite book characters would say, it's a fancy word for YOGA!) who are to blame. And Badinter, herself one of those 1% (if not the 0.1%) of the super-rich, who truly believes that sending children off with nannies or to daycare (with the help of the state who picks up the cost of this) so as to pursue other ambitions (career or social) is the perfectly logical and very French way to go about being a mother.

Neither of these arguments really make any sense to me, and I am not sure that either of these ladies has a clue as to how the majority of mamas out there in the real world manage our day to day lives. Some of us working full-time, some part-time, some from home, some out of the home, and some of us fortunate enough, YES, fortunate, to have the option to stay at home with and for our children.

Cécile Alduy, Associate Professor of French Studies at Stanford and a regular contributor to the Los Angeles Review of Books, wrote an amazing review of The Conflict. It is a long and detailed analysis of the book and in the end she says that,

Not surprisingly for the heir of existentialist Simone de Beauvoir, Badinter seems to posit that a woman’s existence precedes her essence. You are what you do, not what your XX chromosomes tell you to be. It is unfortunate that second wave feminists like her tend to limit the range of worthy self-defining actions to the mandated “work as self-fulfillment” imperative that serves a capitalist economy so well.

Wurtzel seems to be of the same opinion and for me, I tend to believe that it is THIS kind of thinking that continues to fuel the "Mommy Wars", the war on women and is what is destroying feminism for my generation and likely the next as well.

Trust me, it is not me breastfeeding my child, hiring a babysitter a few times a week to hit up a yoga class and not having a 'real' job.

AND for the record, my sense of self-worth is not defined by what I do...

I am defined by who I am.

And I am a woman... in every sense of the word!

Natasha~

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And here is Day 7 of the Summer Blog Challenge. It's starting to get a bit easier... I think.

Check out what the other participants have been up to today...

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

Natasha~

Natasha~

Natasha~

Natasha~

Natasha~

A Cherokee Legend

Natasha~

Natasha~

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