#40silverlinings: a list
It's Friday night.
I just got back home after a lovely dinner out with my two sisters-in-law (sister-in-laws ??) and for tonight's post I have a little list of silver linings for you.
#3. Today I finished a book! This is a big deal because for the past six months I have had about 3-4 books all ongoing at the same time and I have not finished one, I have not finished ANY of my book club books before the actual date of book club. This book, How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran, is now DONE and it is done a whole eight days before my next book club night! Oh yeah!! I rock. And I can't wait to see what kind of discussions we are going to have about this one!!
#4. Good hair days should always be celebrated and today was a darn good one. Most of that has to do with a healthy dose of Maui Wowie Beach Mist by Philip B. (and now that you have my secret, go pick up a bottle of this hair magic locally from the lovely ladies at Lux Beauty Boutique) and also that weird point in my hairstyle's life when it is somehow the perfect length. Who know how long this "perfection" will last, so it gets a silver lining status for today!
#5. Wine. A nice Pinot Noir. Enough said.
#6. Finding that missing $50 iTunes gift card from Christmas. Today is now officially dubbed New Music for Natasha day!!
#7. It's a long weekend!! (In Alberta, we celebrate Family Day in February) Three days of chillin' with my little family and so many silver linings to look for in the days to come!
Cheers all,
Natasha~
The gift of giving
Kids {and pets too} have this wonderful way of helping us see the silver linings all around us. I just asked my four year old daughter what her favourite part of today was and her answer was, "Colouring pictures." Simple. Easy. Fun! Today she drew me a picture of a stick me holding her (a stick baby) in my arms under a purple sun. It is beautiful, almost as beautiful as the one of her stick brother sitting on a toilet, complete with yellow pee and brown poop colouring too. She's into realism it seems.
My favourite part of today?
When my little family piled on me in bed this morning to present me with my Valentine's present. We don't usually do anything too elaborate on V-Day, but for some reason this year called for presents. As I admired the dragon artwork on the homemade wrapping paper, complete with the words "You are pretty" on it, the kids helped me open my card. It was a cheese-y glitter and heart filled over-sized rhyming card and I loved it.
But I loved the look on my kids faces even more as I ripped open the present to reveal the surprise that they had KEPT A SECRET for well over a week!! (This was a big accomplishment for Mr and Miss Spill the Beans!!).
The present itself is more than I expected (a new iPad Mini) and while it is always nice to have new toys, my silver lining today was seeing the joy that my kids got out of GIVING it to me (#2). That made me feel like I am at least doing something right. And God knows, with all the things that we moms fret so much about doing wrong, it felt good to feel that.
It was a wonderful way to start my day and paved the way for us to all have a great, fun and super LOVEY Valentine's day!
Wishing you all kinds of cheese-y love and fun today...
Natasha~
the great fast
Ah Lent... That time of year when those of Christian faiths around the worlds "give up" something before Easter, to commemorate Jesus' 40 days in the desert. (Where I am sure, if he had just stopped to ask for directions, would have been a week, maybe two, tops!) As a kid, we would choose to give up chocolate, or TV, or more often hitting and pinching each other - trust me, as the oldest of four siblings, that one was the hardest!
Now, I am what you would call a C-GINO (Catholic Girl In Name Only) kind of gal. I don't go to church regularly, I did not baptize my children and as you can guess, I have some serious issues with some of the more rigid teachings and doctrines of the Catholic church.
But Lent? Somehow Lent has always meant something for me and this year is no exception.
So while the leader of the Catholic Church himself, with impeccable timing, has decided to GIVE UP his entire flock this year, I am taking things along a different route. This year I am going do DO something for Lent.
I am going to write for the next 40 days. Something every day. Something that makes me happy. A daily "silver lining".
Because sometimes we lose sight of them. The small things that we miss while we rush about in our fast-paced world. Those moments that are gone in an instant in our 'check-list checking, phone reminder beeping, time is slip, slip, slipping away' lives.
And really... It is just so much easier to focus on the crappy things in our days.
You hit the snooze button one too many times and now everyone is late for school and/or work. You forgot that it was pajama day at school and now you feel like the worst parent ever and your kid is giving you THAT LOOK. You didn't eat breakfast and now at 2 PM, you are shoving a chocolate-filled croissant in your face that you know will just make you feel like you want a nap in an hour. Which you can't have because you have to get the kids to swimming and then you put the swim bag on the floor and it got soaked through and now the kids have to go home in the middle of winter wrapped in damp towels and their jackets. AND you forgot to take something out of the freezer for dinner... again, so its a mad rush to figure out a decent meal that everyone will eat. There is laundry piled a mile high, a stack of papers that have been on your kitchen counter for 2 months now that you really should have a look at and for some reason your spouse is NOT offering you a foot rub.
Life SUCKS.
Or does it?
Those extra nine minutes in bed were spent smooshed between your two children, one gently running his fingers through your hair and the other one spooned up against you with her little hand intertwined with yours. That croissant was TO DIE FOR delicious and still warm. And while the swim bag was soaking up half of the water on the deck, your 4-year old treaded water for 30 seconds without any floaties and then looked over and full-on winked at you with the biggest smile ever! The laundry is at least clean and while your spouse may not be giving you a foot rub, he is planning on surprising you on Valentine's day with a new iPad mini.
See?
Silver linings.
And I need to find them.
I need to focus on the joy in my life, to keep the shadows away and to remind myself that my life absolutely does not SUCK.
So, this is what I plan to do. 40 days of Silver Linings.
I am giving up any feelings of despair and depression and self-pity for Lent.
What about you? What are you giving up? Or do you want to join me and make a little Silver Linings Playbook of your own? (Disclosure-I have not seen this movie yet and it is on our Must See list for the next date night!)
Natasha~
1. Today's Silver Lining was me finding my inner HAPPY PLACE.
It is that spot just past the break of the waves on a beautiful Pacific Ocean beach of the coast of an island in Hawaii.
That spot of calm.
And I am in the water. Floating. On my back. My ears are in the water, my eyes are closed, I am one with the water...
I am of the water.
And in that moment it is just me and the ocean. No sound.
Just the sweet bouyancy of the salty water and the warmth of the sun beaming down on me.
I am fluid.
I am calm.
It is vast and I am small.
And happy.
I have been up to...
... a whole lot of nothing really. Just what I needed.
Well, aside from travelling halfway around the world that is...
First we went here.
That is a very busy {and clean} China Town in Singapore.
And then we went here...
The beach outside our rental house in Kailua, Oahu, Hawaii.
I was planning on writing while I was away, but that just didn't happen. I am back home, I am relaxed, and I am hoping that the year will only get better from now on. (And I am already planning our next trip to Hawaii! I love it there SO much!)
Aloha folks,
Natasha~
It's not you, it's me
Today had the potential to be such a good day. And I needed a good day.
REALLY BADLY.
And then...
Well.
It was not.
.
.
.
.
.
Let me back up a few days.
On Saturday, January 12, 2013, with myself, my sister, my brother and his wife surrounding him with as much love as we could, my father passed away from complications of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).
I have written about our reconnection and how bittersweet this whole process has been for both of us. Time, the one thing we needed, was the one thing we really did not have.
He was suffering and now I know he is not. We had a brief moment on Friday to talk and forgive each other before his level of consciousness prevented him from having further conversations. Given the situation, I am at peace with that and I can only hope that he was too.
So, I am grieving.
And on two fronts. I am grieving for the loss of the man that he was and I am also grieving (again?) for the loss of the father that I could have had. Details are not important anymore and life takes us in all kinds of different directions that are not in our control, but this is hard. Hard to try to understand the circumstances of the past and the motives of the people (including ourselves) that kept us so far apart, and hard to reconcile the fact that answers will never come.
Add to all of that the fact that I am also prepping this little family of mine for a whirlwind vacation half way around the world that starts VERY soon, and well... let's just say it is a busy week up in my head.
I don't have time to grieve. I have to pack, and I have to get kids to school and back, and I have to make meals and actually feed these people who depend on me and also find time for regular things, like showering and shaving my legs and such. There is playing and reading and laundry and dentist appointments and walking the dog and getting in a workout and doing my volunteer commitments and keeping up with the everyone on Facebook and well....
Something has to give.
Remember the good old days?
If someone had a baby, or if someone had a birthday or yes, if someone died. Remember what we would do, or what our parents and our parents friends would do? They would come over with a meal. Or call. Or send an actual card or note or flowers. They would come over and give you a big heartfelt hug. Not a ((hug)).
Now we take to the internets to express EVERYTHING. Our congratulations, our condolences, our breakfast, lunch and dinner and every waking moment in between. We are all more connected than we have ever been before and yet, I can't help but feel so disconnected right now.
This has been bothering me long before this past weekend and I was afraid to do anything about it, but now...
Now, I am done.
I am done with Facebook.
I am done with feeling like I am a good "friend" because I didn't forget to write "Happy Birthday" on whomever's timeline is listed on the top right hand corner of my page. I am done reading about peoples passive aggressive feelings through silly meme images. I am done with feeling the "Oh, that would be a good sound bite on FB" thought about something that happens in my day-to-day life, instead of actually BEING IN THAT MOMENT in my life.
My friend Tom wrote this very poignant post last week and in it he says,
"...you get only ONE chance at being a dad or a mom to your child. You won’t be allowed to try it again. You’ll be left with a void, a gap where you could have done something for or with your little one. And sadly, those are gaps in life we will never be able to go back and fill."
This week that message hit home for me more so than ever before.
Because I am that little one. I am that kid that lost out on having a father because of reasons that I will never understand. And yes, I know for a fact that there was a big void in my fathers life as well. And while we did get a chance to reconnect in the end. The sad reality is that it really was the end. We had less than 2 months to fit in 30 years of life.
It was not enough.
This week has been rough on all of us here at the SAHF household and I am trying to figure out what we all need around here.
The best solution and answer I can find is that we need MORE of each other. Or more specifically, my kids and my husband need more of me. And I need more of me.
We need more playing together. We need more reading books. We need more cuddles and silliness. We need more kitchen dance parties. We need mommy to NOT get on the computer the minute we walk in the door . We need to actually go visit with friends and family and spend time with them. Time that does not include any kind of mobile device bleeping every 10 seconds. We need to take pictures for us alone, not to be shared on Instagram or Facebook immediately. We need to get our validation from the joy of living, not from the amount of "likes" we get on a status update.
So like any addict who has to hit rock bottom before they see the light, here I am.
Today was my bottom.
My name is Natasha and I am addicted to social media. I check my phone and my computer all the time out of fear that I am going to "miss" something. And I do mean ALL. THE. TIME.. I panic if I can't find my phone. It is the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing I check at night. And sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll check it then too.
What hit me today, is that I AM missing something. I am missing my life. I am missing my children's lives. All the things that I keep saying that we will do later, just one more minute, one more message, one more video to watch....well, one day it will be too late. And I won't be able to go back. There is no 'delete' or 'undo' or 'refresh' button in life.
There is just DO and DO it as well as you can.
So...
As of tonight at midnight, I am deactivating my Facebook account.
I will still manage the community Pages that I am responsible for, but even that will be at a limited capacity.
If anyone wants to get ahold of me, call me, come and see me, meet me for coffee. Let's really CONNECT.
And hug.
Really everyone, it's not you, it's me.
I just need some space.
For a REAL life lived in the moment.
Lots of love,
Natasha~
P.S. {For my online friends who are far away, you can still find me on Twitter or via email or here too. Baby steps folks! :)}
A good day
Today I got up early. Got the kids ready, got myself ready, walked the dog, made myself a smoothie and was out the door by 8:00AM. I know what you are thinking... Dry run for school next week right?
Wrong.
Today, for the first time in MONTHS, I made it to an #SMBYEG (Social Media Breakfast Edmonton) meeting!
My lovely sister-in-law had the morning off and offered to take the kids for breakfast and I gladly took her up on her offer.
Some of you may be asking, what on earth is #SMBYEG and what exactly do you do there?
In a nutshell...
SMBYEG houses an open environment to share today’s best and worst examples of social media, as practiced by individuals, industries and organizations in Edmonton and around the world. Guest speakers share their experience and expertise of social media use, followed by an opportunity to network with a community of like-minded individuals.
Basically, a bunch of awesome local folks get together once a month to share ideas and experiences, to heckle the host (I love you @hedgehodge) and to meet up with a lot of other social media geeks and freaks that are doing a lot of great things in social media in our city and in our world!
I hadn't realized how much I missed these events and missed seeing all of these fine people in real life until I walked into that room this morning. I seriously got a head rush from it all! The new home of #SMBYEG is the fabulous Startup Edmonton venue in the refurbished Mercer Building and is yet another reason to be excited about these events (and did I mention the coffee and treats from Roast Coffee House + Wine Bar... soooo GOOD)!
AND...
To top off my incredible morning, not only did I get to see so many of Edmonton's local social media scene, I also got to hang out with this particular little social media darling!
And then the kids and I had a play date with some new neighbourhood and school friends, we all had dinner with the family and then I came home and had the most riveting Twitter conversation ever!
It really was a VERY, good day!
Cheers to you all,
Natasha~
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And thus ends my posts for the Summer Blog Challenge. I *almost* made it!
This is Post #30.
I am taking the long weekend off to mull over some things and will be back to the keyboard next week.
A few things I am trying this month...
Ok, I lied. I do have one goal for the next few months. I really want to get to my goal weight.
I know, not very original right. But I have given myself some incentive...
Once I have reached that elusive 135 pounds, I am going to reward myself with something big and beautiful.
I want a new tattoo!!
To help me get there I am giving up a few of my favourite things...
No more milk, cheese or wheat products for this girl.
This is hard for me to do, because I LOVE cheese!! (And already today, I had to spit a piece of Little C's cheese string out because I popped it in my mouth without even thinking.)
I am going with a 6 small meals a day routine, and drinking LOTS of water. And whoever comes up with the App that reminds me to drink a cup of water every half-hour to hour will be my hero!!
Wish me luck!
...................
And...
As I was scrolling through Instagram pics today, I came across this.
So I am going to give it a go. I really do love taking pics with my iPhone and have become somewhat of an Instagram addict. The ever fabulous Schmutzie calls it Phoneography and she has made it an art form! I hope to be as talented at it as she is one day (and perhaps even a fraction as cool as her)!
Since I started a day late, you get two photos today.
1. Me!
Self portrait while sitting in car with 2 sleeping kids.
2. Breakfast. Since I am working on trying to eat 6 small meals a day, this is technically meal #2.
Visalus protein shake with mango and water.
Won't you join me in this fun little challenge?
You can post on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, your own blog, whatever you want. Read all the details here on Fat Mum Slim's site and remember to use the #JANphotoaday hashtag if you are posting too Twitter.
Until tomorrow my lovelies!
Natasha~
My {much needed} hormone fix... a room full of Incredible Women and one Baby.
I am not going to lie folks. It has been a rough couple of days for me.
I have been "capital G" grouchy!
Just ask my kids. (Poor babies!)
And not just grouchy. I have been irrationally irritable, I have had absolutely NO patience for anything or anyone and I am grinding my teeth almost to the point of lock-jaw.
And I am bloated.
It was this last thing that tipped me off as to what the heck is wrong with me....
I am totally PMS'ing!
Now you maybe wondering why this is making the cut as a blog topic, but to be honest, this realization kind of shocked me. You see, I am not, nor have I ever been a very pre-menstrual kind of gal. No cramps, no crazy moods, no nothing (don't hate me)! And with my current form of birth control (Mirena) I rarely even get a visit from dear Aunt Flo.
So what is a girl to do to get out of this PMS funk??
Why drink some red raspberry tea and then get out of the house and into a room full of amazing women of course!
Which is exactly what I did.
Tonight I attended the first Social Circlet event in Edmonton. This local networking event was arranged by the lovely ladies of Bibagogo and was a great opportunity to meet with a lot of great businesses and business women (and a few men) that I have up until now only "met" online. The setting was perfect, the food and wine was great (props to my girl Amanda from D'lish Wine Bar for the amazing Truffle Mac & Cheese and Leah from The Art of Macaroons for the spectacularly sweet, melt in your mouth macaroons) and the company I was in was simply fantastic.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQRtjt9OqcE&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]
A room full of women making it on their own terms, doing what they love and living their passions is a powerful drug and it was just what I needed tonight.
Well, that and some smooshy cuddles from Maureen from Tangible Moments almost two week old daughter!! I love me some new baby pheromones and a sweet little oxytocin fix!!
Thank you so much everyone!
Natasha~
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Summer Blog Challenge posts for August 25, 2011
- Peter presents, from his newly tuned camera, Iron Man: Crazy Wookie Cookies
- Shaun knows a wooden nickel when he sees it: Expedition of Truths
- Earl defends and explains his taste in movies: My Name is Earl (J. Woods)
- Zita’s night on the town: Ignite Strategic Solutions
- Brad is Steamed: Kick Me Out Soon
- Natasha’s night on the town: Natural Urban Mamas
- Kim’s night on the town: Nature Baby Bloggings
- Cliff saves some money in feeding his addiction: Peer Pressure Works
- Tammy develops an addiction of her own: Tam I Am
- Vlad : Analog Coast
- Chad reflects on the challenge: The Daily Grind
- Liam on the glory and the shame of writing software: In The Now