Isn't it Ironic

I wrote a post last week that seems to have fueled an already burning fire. You know the one, the much-debated, 'Why do we do this to each other?', so-called "Mommy Wars". And while I stand by my message in that post, that not everyone has to or is going to like me (or you) or what we have to say, whether it is in person or online, I have since realized that the way I conveyed this message and the words I used may have seemed insensitive and {unintentionally} hurtful to some of you.

I have just read a most compelling post by Meredith Fein Lichtenberg, which echoes the thoughts I was trying to convey in my post, but does so in a much more gentle and compassionate way.

In it she talks about mom to mom cyber-bullying and compares it to the It Gets Better Campaign by Dan Savage (whom I LOVE BTW!) and she states the following:

How can you teach your children not to be mean and hateful, but turn around and diss, name-call, or hatefully criticize mothers you don't even know online?

Don't do that!

Instead, strive to understand others' decisions and predicaments, even where you can't agree with them. It's okay to be angry, but even then, try to use balanced, thoughtful language.

Try to comport yourself as a model, even when you disagree. Try to be your most honorable self.

Stop snarking at each other.

Did I use balanced, thoughtful language in my post. No, I did not. I used myself as an example of how I do things, but did not give an example of the other side of the coin or state that both are valid choices. I should have done that.

Was I my most honorable self? To me honor means honesty, so in that sense, yes, I was honorable. I was being honest about MY feelings and MY thoughts on the subject at hand.

Was I snarky? Yes. I told everyone to "suck it up" and THAT was definitely snarky.

I read the comments on my post, the local "mommy community" twitter chatter and subsequent blog posts written and struggled to not engage and fuel the fire even more...

Ha! The irony of that struggle is not lost on me.

So here's the deal everyone.  I get it.

My choice of language may not have been the most productive.  Boiling it down to the basic premise of my post, I simply want us to be free to have our opinions, to own our choices and to stand by them in the face of judgement. Because unfortunately, yes, that judgement is going to come. How we respond to it, that is also a choice we must make.

I will very likely still stick my foot in my mouth write things here or on Twitter or on Facebook that not everyone will agree with and I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to read MY blog and thank you for reminding me that we are all so much more than our parenting practices. And finally, a big thank you to April, for pointing out that all may not always be as it seems.

All the best,

Natasha~

P.S. Please visit the It Gets Better site and sign the pledge to end online and all bullying of gay teens everywhere. (And then substitute 'gay teens' for 'all moms' and then say it again).

Coming clean...

It has come to my attention that people may think that I only do things a certain way. That I am all natural, all attachment parent, all breastfeeding, all babywearing, ALL THE TIME. I am here to set the record straight.

First of all, my births were not strictly speaking all that 'natural'. I was induced for both with Cervidil. Once out of necessity and to save both of us, and the other because my OB was on call that day and I was SO DONE with being pregnant. Yup, that's right. I ASKED for it!

I chose to breastfeed both my kids. Doing so with my son was NOT an easy thing to do (my boobs were twice the size of the poor kid's head)! I also can't stand NOT doing something well and so I persevered. Through a preemie birth, use of a nipple shield, crying every night for three months (both of us) and worry every day and over every ounce that he gained or lost. I did it for him, and I did it for me too (I am crazy stubborn like that and just not a quitter!). The plan was to continue nursing for at least 6 months, but the funny and perhaps ironic thing about our eventual 3 year breastfeeding relationship (yes, even throughout my whole second pregnancy) is that it took that first 6 months to actually 'get it right'.

Breastfeeding my daughter was relatively easy. She was latched on within 45 minutes of her birth and has been a veritable breastfeeding star since then. My boobs on the other hand, not so much the stars. They decided to plug up, multiple times, and then get infections, multiple times. This shit hurts people. But again, I am NOT a quitter! I am also an egalitarian-type parent and was not about to give my daughter any less of a nursing relationship than I had given my son. So we pushed through and here we are today on the brink of her third birthday.

I try very hard every day to practice gentle discipline. Some days I am able to control MY feelings and reactions to my kids' misbehaving, some days I am not. And yes, (please don't all gasp at once) I have smacked my kids in the heat of the moment. Moments that I am not proud of, but moments that do exist. Moments that let me know that it is time to reset myself and that I am the one who desperately needs a time-out. Did I mention that I am re-reading my favourite discipline book again?

I buy organic and local as much as I can. I do so for a few reasons. I buy organic products (groceries specifically), because I believe there are real health consequences to the alternatives. That being said, some organic products are just beyond what I am willing and able to pay and so I will find the next best thing. I buy local because I am also a somewhat 'local' business and I know what it means to me when, even though there may be a cheaper option from a giant chain store somewhere, a customer decides to buy from me and sees the value in doing so. I want to support our local economy and the many extremely talented entrepreneurs that work and live right here in my own city, province and country.

I am a very lucky person. I have a partner who trained hard for a lot of years and works hard to provide for his family. We are able to exist very comfortably as a single income family and I am able to be the "stay-at-home" parent. This was not our initial intention. I loved my career and fully intended on returning to it after my maternity leave. I was a pharmaceutical sales representative with one of the biggest pharma companies in the world and I was the farthest thing from a Natural Urban Mama. Then I got pregnant (totally planned by the way) and then it got complicated...

...and then we had a baby. And with him all that we knew or thought we knew went out the door. We were bombarded with a whole new set of life lessons, instructions, and a sort-of paradigm shift in our thoughts about the world we live in and the world we were about to raise our child in. And all of these new thoughts left us with a very strong desire to make that world a better place.

I am not a parenting expert, I am a parent. Everything that I know I have learned on the job. I have made mistakes, I will very likely make many more. I have made selfless decisions as a parent and I have made selfish decisions too. I am a work in progress.

I read, I learn, I research and I advocate for the parenting practices that have been extremely beneficial to my family and those at I think provide the best start for all babies and families. My opinions are mine alone, and you are free to take what you can from them, leave what doesn't work for you and apply these to your own life as you see fit. My aim is to educate others and provide information and support for new moms and parents of all walks of life.

But know this. I own my own choices, my opinions, my mistakes and my triumphs. No one ever said this parenting gig was going to be easy, and as Yoda says...

"Do or do not, there is no try!"

Natasha~

 It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.

~Joyce Maynard

This is so NOT about your boobs!!

Never in the history of the world has the simple act of how we feed our babies caused so much strife and controversy!

If you have been anywhere on Facebook or Twitter in the past 72 hours you will have a good idea of what I am talking about.

If not, well here is the scoop.

Babble is running a contest right now for the Top 100 Moms who are Changing the World. Moms from all walks of life are being 'Mominated' for the top 10 prizes of $5000.00 for the charity of their choice. Voting is by public ballot. You can get all the details of the contest by clicking on the link above.

Emma Kwasnica, known breastfeeding activist and the founder of Human Milk 4 Human Babies, the global milk-sharing network created on Facebook was nominated by fellow mom and activist Jodine Chase to be one of these amazing Moms. Right away Emma started raking in some pretty sweet votes and was in the Top Ten list within days of her nomination! This is really not surprising, because she IS a mom changing the world, one breastmilk-fed baby at a time. I have seen the results of milk-sharing through her network right here in my own proverbial backyard and very much up close and personal.

Next, Emma and Jodine realized that one of the major advertisers on the Babble.com site is Similac, a formula manufacturer that has its ads (side banners and top banners) posted all over the newborn and pregnancy pages on the Babble site. (Apparently, these ads were removed from the breastfeeding support pages on Babble a year ago after many a blogger called them out for it then!). After much deliberation, Emma asked Babble to remove her from the list of nominees and has said that the only way she would again participate is if Babble where to remove ALL formula marketing from its site and comply with the International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes.

Annie from PhD in Parenting wrote this very excellent post, explaining what happened and applauding the stance that Emma and Jodine took in not accepting what Emma considers "blood money" from Babble.

Catherine Connor of Her Bad Mother, and also a Babble Voices writer, responded with this post. In it she is quite upset and insulted by the use of the term "blood money" and that no one is willing to sit down and be on a board of breastfeeding advocate advisors for Babble to discuss what the best options are for everyone involved. She also feels that they whole argument against formula marketing and advertising, shames mothers who can not for whatever reason breastfeed their babies.

And then Jodine wrote this post  discussing this new tactic of "shaming mothers" when we start discussing formula marketing and the very subtle, yet, oh so underhanded tactics that are employed by these billion dollar companies to undermine breastfeeding moms every step of the way.

So.

Now that you are up to speed, I have a few things to add.

First of all, let me make myself very clear. I have breastfeed both my kids for three years each. I believe it is the biologically normal thing to do. My boobs make milk, my babies need that milk, and the closeness and all the other great things that go along with our nursing relationship. I am a breastfeeder. It was not always easy, I needed help, but I was determined that this was the way I wanted to feed my babies. Breastfeeding was and is my choice.

Some women choose not to breastfeed,  some women truly can not breastfeed, some women have serious medical conditions that prevent them from breastfeeding. Whatever the case may be, if the choice for these women is to feed their babies formula or  feed them nothing, then you have to know that NO ONE IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY OR SHAMEFUL ABOUT FEEDING YOUR CHILD.

Here is why I have a problem with Ms. Connor's arguments about this issue. She writes in her post that,

The push for a complete ban on formula advertising rests upon the assumption that mothers are not capable of understanding formula advertising as advertising – it assumes that they will be confused by it, those poor, silly mothers, and mistake it for unbiased, non-commercial speech – and that they are therefore vulnerable to being ‘duped’ by formula advertisers in a way that they are not from, say, Budweiser or McDonalds or General Electric. I’m a grown-up, you guys. I know what commercial speech is. I am capable of parsing information from advertisers. I am not stupid. I can make up my own mind.

No one is saying that mothers are silly or stupid or can't figure out when they are being duped. What is being said is that formula company advertising is subtle. It feeds on our weaknesses and insecurities as a new parent, and I am sorry, but as new moms dealing with all the demands that this new little life has on us and usually working on very little sleep, we ARE vulnerable to these ads and their ubiquitous "we are here to help you" messages.

Really. Now how exactly is a formula company supposed to help a breastfeeding mom? Guess who is formula's main competition? That's right. It's breastmilk. So if we take a look at this from a different angle, it is kind of like saying Ford is going to help me choose what kind of GM vehicle to buy. Not likely...

Are you getting this so far?

Fleur Bickford, of Nurtured Child, wrote this post earlier this year discussing why formula companies like the phrase "breast is best". In it she breaks down one of the online ads for Nestle's new Baby Nes instant formula machines  (think Tassimo for babies). At first glance the ad itself seems pretty benign. But Fleur notes that,

Great that they’re showing breastfeeding right? Well, if we look closer at it, the breastfeeding mom is sitting on the floor, is barefoot, is half undressed and her dark roots are showing through her blond hair colouring (compare that to the beautifully highlighted hair of the formula feeding mom).  All of this is subtle, but it creates an emotional reaction (which is exactly what it was designed to do). The reaction may not even be a conscious one for many people, but it plays on the stereotype of women who breastfeed being barefoot “hippies” who just “whip it out”. It also plays into the fear of having a baby who ties you down and nurses so often that you can’t even get your hair coloured. Even the graph behind the mom with the downward slope to it produces a negative feeling about breastfeeding.

Subtle right? I think down right sneaky, and probably from an ad campaign perspective rather brilliant. And this is only one example.

Here is one right off of the Babble.com (I found it on the Pregnancy page on their site).

I am assuming that by fed, they mean nursed and the implication is that, she is still crying because she is still hungry....so go ahead, give her some formula to "top her up".

THIS is where and when the formula companies GET you! And they know it and count on it. They know that a mom starting to supplement just a little bit is a damn slippery slope and that is the way they like it, and most likely they count on it!

Here is the scenario: new mama starts supplementing with a little bit of formula and it seems to work. Baby is now 'full' and not crying anymore, so all is good. And mama's thoughts process becomes, "SEE, obviously I am not making enough milk for him." But what is really happening is that rather than getting the help needed to correct a nursing issue (and the lack of proper breastfeeding support for a lot of mothers is a LONG topic for another post), the simplest thing seems to be to supplement with the 'just as good as breastmilk' formula. Mom is happy, baby is happy, or at least they sure do seem to be in this Nestle Good Start commercial and she can just go back to breastfeeding again once they get over this bump in the road/phase/growth spurt/etc....

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jo1hQN9X7c[/youtube]

(Did you catch the teeny tiny print and  2 seconds of 'Breastfeeding is best for your baby." in that one?)

Or can they....

Unfortunately for a lot of mothers, no, they can not.

And therein lies the bigger issue with this kind of marketing. Formula marketing and advertisements don't target already happily, by choice or by circumstance, formula-feeding moms. They don't have to. There is no need to preach to the choir. They target NEW moms, moms who have every intention of breastfeeding (our provincial breastfeeding rates in Alberta, Canada upon discharge from hospital are 92.4%, 2009 statistics), but who run into issues at home and decide to call the 1-800 number that they find attached to the can of formula that they were sent home with in hopes of getting support, encouragement and advice on how to continue to breastfeed. Do they get decent advice from these "feeding experts"? Perhaps, I have not called them myself. But to honestly say that these formula-company-sponsored or funded call centres have the best interests of your successful breastfeeding relationship at heart is rather ludicrous.

So what do we do now?

Well for one thing, we need to stop using words like 'guilt' and 'shame' when discussing how we feed out babies. You make your choice and you deal with it. Do what is right for you, do what is right for your baby, and yes, do what is right for your mental and physical health. If that is breastfeeding, good for you. If that is formula-feeding, good for you. DONE, no more discussion.

The only people who need to feel ashamed right now are the formula companies. They are the ones who are shamelessly promoting and dare I say pushing their product (doctor's offices, hospital maternity wards, even family trade shows) on new and yes, vulnerable moms who are just trying to figure out how this whole 'feeding, nurturing and not completely wrecking the new baby' gig works!

In the end, I applaud all of the incredible bloggers and activists for all their work for breastfeeding moms and moms in general. Emma, Jodine, Annie and Catherine are all moms that I have the utmost respect for and they all make excellent points in their posts. I highly encourage you to read them all.

My final point {that does need to be said again} is that this issue is not a breastfed versus formula fed one. I DON'T CARE HOW YOU FEED YOUR BABY! It is a question of ethical marketing and advertising practices by formula companies and that is the point so many seem to keep missing. We all need to get over our own vulnerable feelings of guilt or shame, accept the choices that we made as the best ones that we could make given the information that we had or the situation we were in and see this for what it really is.

Formula companies have millions of dollars to spend on ad campaigns and government lobbyists and they make a lot of money selling their wares to families worldwide, with what seems little or no regard for whatever harm or disservice their practices do to moms and babies.

Breastfeeding? Well, that is just biology.

Natasha~

I hear you....

I have a four and a half-year old who "doesn't love me". No wait..., no, now he wants me....no, needs me....

...no... yeah, he's pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore....

....and now he needs a hug.

The above is a fraction of a 'conversation' that is happening on a daily basis at our house right now. Interspersed within this 'conversation' are the ear-piercing screams and stomping of feet and crying and a myriad of other rather unpleasant behaviours. The boy's, not mine (I swear)!

And I know it shouldn't, that I should not let this get to me, that it is a 'phase', but I can't help it...

....it is breaking me down.

Today after the third incident of screaming and 'I don't love you'/'I need a hug' and I want to do everything MY way or else, etc.... I had to walk away and go and have a good cry myself.

And I just don't know what to do. I wonder every day where my sweet boy went and who this defiant, mood-swinging maniac is??

We try to talk to him, but when he gets worked up it is completely useless trying to communicate with him. He can't even hear himself, let alone what we are trying to say to him.

Our usual reward system is not working (he earns points for good and loses points for bad behaviours, and once his points have accumulated to a certain level he gets the reward of his choice). He has lost ALL his points this weekend!

We talk to him after the fact and once everyone has calmed down and he seems to understand what went wrong and that his behaviour is unacceptable. We offer him alternative ways to express himself at the times when he is getting worked up and angry and he says he will try harder.

This past week I had my Reiki practitioner come over and do a session with him before I had mine (I am seriously willing to try anything at this point).

C was very excited for the session and was so calm while Kim worked her energy flowing and balancing magic on him. One of the main things that came up during his session was that Little C seems to be having feelings of 'not being heard' lately and mainly by me.

And as much as it pains me to admit it (on a lot of levels), the kid is not wrong...

I have been extra busy with a lot of other things lately. Work, volunteer work, more volunteer work, and then more work have been dominating my mind and my days for the past few weeks. There has been no time for proper scheduling of work hours versus play hours because it all just has to get done and as a result our play hours have suffered.

And so, it seems, have my children.

I fully admit that the TV has been on too much, I have asked them to go play by themselves too much and my mind is always on a billion things at once and my phone or laptop never leaves my side. Little C has said to me on more than one occasion..."Mom, turn off your computer and come and play with us." and he has even modified it to, 'Mom, come play in my room...you can even bring your computer with you." And I have said, "just one more email, or "just one more phone call", more times than I want to admit.

(heart breaks and sinks to stomach. BIG sigh.) 

So what is a Mama to do?

Something has to give. And soon. Because it can NOT be my kids anymore. We are all suffering because of this now and I don't want to continue like this.

I think I also need to re-read a few of my go-to books again:

Playful Parenting to get my head and myself back into the games (and off the computer all the time)!!

and Discipline without Distress to help us all find better solutions and ways to deal with attitude, anger and frustrations.

In the end, no amount of work, or anything else for that matter is ever going to be as important to me as my child. And perhaps {publicly} admitting that I am not doing such a great job at this Mommy gig at the moment is what I need to get me back on track.

Well that and I visual reminder too...

...one of the very cute reasons why I get up in the morning...

Natasha~

Still {and always} my baby...

Tonight while I was out for dinner with a few friends, I received this text from Natural Urban Dad.

So I called and Little C and I talked and I promised I would give him his goodnight cuddles as soon as I got home.

When I got home, I went straight to his room as I promised. I walked in and saw him sleeping on his big boy bed, looking so sweet and beautiful and peaceful and I was reminded of another moment in our lives together.

This one when he was a mere 5 days old.

He still looks like this when he sleeps.

I wish I could freeze these moments in time, our special nightly cuddles and talks.  I would put them in a jar and take them out one by one later in his life when he is older and doesn't want them (or me) as much as he does now.

Sometimes I bitch and complain about my kids and how attached they are to me. And then I realize that, umm, DUH, I raised them to be this way, and I should take all the attachment that I can, while I can. I know it won't last forever. And one day, he will be the one out with his friends and it will be me sitting up in bed at night saying over and over,

"Please, my baby, please come home soon...."

In the moment...

I was about to crap out on a post for tonight!!

You all know it has been a rough week for me (see yesterday's post)!

But, NO, I can't do that to you (and also I hate that Liam YELLS at me in his SBC update posts if I skip a day!!)

Instead I thought I would take a page from a fellow Summer Blog Challenge participant and post about the things that have really made me happy these past few weeks.

One-on-one time with my little girl.

It is not often that I get to have one-on-one time with my kids. We try to have Mommy days and Daddy days with each of them separately, but more often than not they don't want to do anything without each other (they really are that close). So with Little C in Sportball Camp for another week, the Princess and I had some time to just hang out and do whatever we wanted....just us girls!

We hit the playground one day and she was so much more adventurous on her own. Climbing and sliding and spinning on all the different structures. She even made a little friend! And then she spotted the BIG swing and that is where we spent the next half hour! We had fun, she had me all to herself and I got to focus on just one kid for a few hours and I think we both needed that!

Pretty vintage things for me

I was on Facebook one night and saw these beauties and HAD to have them!

A) Because I am a sucker for anything blue and green **Tangent: My British Grandmother used to always tell us that "blue and green shall never be seen, unless there is a monkey in between". I still don't know what that means?  

And B) My hands get cold, especially when I am typing, so they seemed like a perfect solution.

And C) They are locally made and the fabric and the buttons are vintage--do I have to say more?

The two most important dudes in my life.

Natural Urban Dad and Little C really are two of a kind. They look alike, they have the same mannerisms, they have the same crazy obsession with cleanliness (not complaining) and they are my world! There is nothing that makes my heart swell more than seeing them together and how much they love each other. Oh, and the Ferris Wheel idea--totally Little C's! Seems he is a little thrill seeker and on that one note he is VERY different than Natural Urban Dad!

My new Duvet Cover.

Yes. I am very serious. I have been wanting a new duvet cover for months and just haven't found the right one. So I hit up HomeSense once more this past week and buried underneath all the other plain, boring duvet covers, I finally found the ONE!  Now the kicker with this is that I did not inform Natural Urban Dad of my plans, mainly because I knew that he would probably kybosh the whole idea and then we would be stuck with a BIG GIANT CHICKEN at the door kind of mess! So I bought the duvet, washed it and got in on the bed before he got home and had a chance to tell me to take it back! Doesn't it look purdy? And bonus, it makes me want to actually make my bed every morning! (Which is slight consolation for Mr. Tidy Pants!)

Matching my outfit to my baby carrier.

It is true, I do like to match what I am wearing to who I am wearing and this day it worked out perfectly. The kids and I took the dog for a walk and Princess L decided she really needed to go on mama's back. It was the perfect opportunity to use of new "Magic Wrap" Woven from Cosy Baby Happy Mommy. And it matched my hat perfectly!! I promise a more in-depth review and post about this incredible wrap very soon. I want to get some more miles out of it and break it in a bit more before I give the final verdict (which so far is quite awesome!!).

**And PS: The hat the The Princess is wearing is a Woodland Rogue Hat available here.

Summer Days spent with Best friends

Today the kids and I spent the day at the Legislature Grounds with our best friends. We packed a picnic, spread out our blankets and splashed and played in the fountains and wading pools. It really is amazing that my bestie and I have been friends for over 20 years now. We have been through all of the major milestones and events in our grown-up lives together and are about to hit another big one (hint: it's a major birthday). Our kids are growing up together too and nothing makes you step back and take stock of your life and how fast is whizzes by like the realization that our babies are really NOT babies anymore. Today was a great day for us, for ME. It was a day where I felt very Zen. Like all the troubles of this past week could not affect me. I was in a happy place, with my happy people and that was all that mattered.

Today I lived in the moment and it was wonderful!

And now I am going to go to bed!

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~

Summer Blog Challenge Posts for August 26th, 2011

• Peter takes his toys home: Crazy Wookie Cookies
• Shaun discusses human networking: Expedition of Truths
• Earl shows us his bad movies list: My Name is Earl (J. Woods)
• Zita introduces work/life balance: Ignite Strategic Solutions
• Brad tries not to sound sexist and comes up short: Kick Me Out Soon
• Natasha is intimidated into putting out a post: Natural Urban Mamas
• Kim provides tasty fuel to the family: Nature Baby Bloggings
• Cliff has no Canadian pride: Peer Pressure Works
• Tammy watches reality TV: Tam I Am
• Vlad : Analog Coast
• Chad rips off In The Now’s Song/Blog title theme: The Daily Grind
• It’s all part of Liam’s football fantasy: In The Now

'Mastering' Motherhood...Natural Urban Mama Style.

There are some things that as a parent I am not sure I could have lived without.

Ok, well I probably could have lived without them, but it would have been a much more difficult journey into parenthood.

I thought I would share them with you...

Cloth Diapers.

What?

Yes, you read that right. Cloth diapering. This was not something that I considered at first with my son, but after talking with a few other mamas and experiencing a few not so pleasant disposable diaper 'blow-outs', we made the plunge. We went slowly at first and used a local diaper service to make it an easy transition for all of us, but eventually I started buying diapers of our own and by the time the Lil' Princess was born we were ready to go full-time all on our own.

I did a lot of 'market research' (read 'spent a lot of money')to find the perfect cloth diapering system for us and through trial and error found the ones that I think are not only the best on the market today, but also allow you to cloth diaper in the most economic way possible.

We used the Annie Marie Padorie (AMP) diapers and your basic unbleached cotton prefolds or bamboo trifolds for inserts. I was able to use these diapers successfully for both of our kids and then pass them on to my sister for her baby too!

Cloth diapering made our lives easier for a few different reasons. It eliminated my 'I just need diapers, so how did I just spend $150.oo?" trips to Walmart or Superstore on a weekly basis AND it made the decision to start doing some elimination communication that much easier as well. And the ultimate pay-off...

.....both of my kids were COMPLETELY potty learn-ed by 26 and 27 months respectively! SCORE!!

Baltic Amber

This magical tree resin has been a god-send in our house. Both my kids and have worn amber necklaces for most of their little lives and have benefited from the natural analgesic effects of these wonderful beads.  My son was a very late teether (his first tooth did not show up until he was almost 11 months old), but when his pearly whites did start to come in, they did so in groups of 3 or 4 at a time! THIS was not fun for any of us and I am not sure how we would have gotten any sleep at all without the help of his amber necklace. And bonus, he was the kid that really did not need anything more than the necklace to deal with his teething pain/drool/diaper rash. My daughter on the other hand did not have a good go with teething. We doubled up on her necklaces early on with her and I don't even want to imagine what our teething nights would have been without them!

I personally wear amber necklaces and bracelets to alleviate some of the pain and inflammation from my rheumatoid arthritis and lately, I have been wearing them on a more regular basis and I have really noticed the difference. Plus I really like the way they look too!

Nursing Tops

I have been breastfeeding since December of 2006. I have done it (and still do) whenever and wherever my children have needed too. Over the years I have found that the best way to do so comfortably and discreetly is by wearing functional and fashionable nursing wear. The good thing is that manufacturers and designers are now tapping into this growing market of modern breastfeeding mamas. Gone are the days of the MuuMuu looking tops and unflattering floral print disasters that once where our only choices in nursing wear.

My favourite go-to brands are the Canadian ones of course and [bis.kot] and Momzelle have both created maternity/nursing tops that are truly flattering to moms of all shapes and sizes. The tops from Boob, a Swedish company, are also on my top three list of awesome nursing wear and you really can't go wrong with the quality or comfort of any of these products!

Now the top only gets you so far and some good nursing undergarments are a must for any new mom. Nursing tank tops are a given and I highly recommend at least a couple of these in your wardrobe. And please, please, PLEASE invest in a couple of decent nursing bras. I can't say enough about a couple of top notch brands including the Bella Materna* line of nursing bras and my ultimate favourite, the Bravado Body Silk Seamless Nursing Bra.

(*Bella Materna available at Bellies in Spruce Grove)

Nursing Necklaces

And continuing in the nursing vein, the other product that I am so glad to have found are Mommy Necklaces®. These necklaces are a favourite because I love fashion with a function. Nurslings can be a very distractable group and they tend to like to DO something with their hands while nursing. Most often this involves some combination of pinching, scratching, hair pulling and "twiddling".  My daughter was (and still is) a hair puller and wearing my necklaces gave her something else to do with her hands and gave me something NICE and pretty to wear without ruining my 'good' jewelry.  These are also a great gift for a new mom and a lovely pick-me-up for anyone needing a little something something to accessorize motherhood a bit!

Babywearing

This is kind of a given right? Babywearing started out as a life sustaining practice with our teeny tiny baby boy in the NICU and quickly became a way of life for us, an integral part of our parenting and the foundation for my business. I am not sure what else to say that I have not said before about babywearing. It is such a part of our day to day lives that I really, honestly don't know how I could have survived this long without it!

Breastfeeding and La Leche League

Who knew that my boobs could do so much? They nourish, they fix booboos, they cure boredom, they provide liquid love, they soothe hurt feelings, they send babies off to dreamland, and the milk they produce is often only thing a sick baby can keep down. They can feed two babies at once and sometimes they can feed another mama's baby too. I am not giong to lie..., my breasts are forever changed and breastfeeding has forever changed me as a mother and as a woman. I owe a lot of my confidence as a mama and breastfeeding advocate to my La Leche League leaders and the other amazing mamas that I met at my local LLL meeting. I would highly recommend that all mothers attend an LLL meeting both before baby arrives and again and often afterwards. The words of wisdom and support that you get from La Leche League leaders and the other moms goes a long way to keeping your spirits up and your breastfeeding efforts going, especially when things get tough and all you can think of is giving up! (Please don't give up.)

So there you have it everyone, my list of must haves for motherhood. The things that have kept me sane (or as close to it as possible!!) and made the journey a little less bumpy and a lot more enjoyable.

'Cause it's supposed to be fun too you know!

Cheers Everyone!

Natasha~

{Disclaimer: I have not received compensation in any form for the products and companies mentioned above.}

Walk the walk and talk the talk...PLEASE!

I am woman, hear me roarIn numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back an' pretend 'cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again

~ Helen Reddy

I have had this overwhelming feeling in my belly for the last few days. It is part rage, part frustration, and ALL WOMAN!

It stems from the ongoing discussion of the term 'mompreneur' and 'mommy blogger'. And the subsequent conversations that start with I am 'just' a mom, I 'just' run a small business, I 'just' DO everything.

STOP IT!

If there is one thing that makes me feel all stabby and leaves me with an intense need to slap people upside the head, it is this. Women undervaluing themselves in ALL that they do!

Here is the thing. We fight for gender equality, we have been for decades if not centuries, and still it does not exist. Why is that? What is it that keeps us in the role of the 'weaker' sex, the one that does not deserve equal pay for the same job, the ones that are seen as less than their male counter parts in practically every aspect of life?

Now I don't want to get into a big sociological or anthropological debate about feminism and gender roles and all that. What I do want to say is this...

I think WE are the problem.

Yup, I said it.

We are the ones who are putting ourselves down. And if we are constantly doing this to ourselves, how on earth can we expect the rest of the world to see us for what we truly are! And by the way WE ARE AWESOME!

It truly does confuse me as to why we are seen as the weaker sex??!!  Especially as mothers. We birth children, we feed them with our bodies, we work out of the home, we work from the home, we raise our children, sometimes alone, sometimes with a partner. We are working 24 hours a day, all day every day! Can someone please tell me how the heck a 'weak' person could do that? And why is it that we do not SEE just how crazy amazing we really are?

I am not saying that women are better than men (well, OK, yes in some things we are, but that is a different post altogether), but what I am saying is that if anyone is holding us back and continuing to perpetuate the perception of women as weaker or less than, it may be that we are doing it to ourselves and to each other.

We use language and words to describe ourselves that don't leave us a whole lot of room for greatness. I recently read a great post by Aly Pain that she wrote for MOMeo Magazine. In it she states that

"...Just is one of the most pervasive and diminishing words that implies a hierarchical value, one that places moms at the bottom."

And I couldn't agree more!  And she goes on to echo my thoughts that,

"...we can no longer blame society when we feel made second best or lower than others if our own language confirms it."

I am the first to admit that I have been guilty of using this kind of language and descriptors of myself and what I do. But this is changing. And yet even as I write this, the thoughts in my head are, "Oh, geez, don't write this, people are going to think you are full of yourself and that you think you are so great!" And you know what? I AM doing some really great things that I am extremely proud of in my life and I am not ashamed to admit it! My dear friend, Jennifer Banks introduced me to the concept of the Awesome Train and it is one that I am hopping on board whole-heartily.

As women we need to OWN our awesome more. WE need to be the ones who think and KNOW that we are strong, smart, and savvy in all aspects of our  lives and that we are not going to be seen as less than anyone or anything EVER again!

Will some people's feathers get ruffled by this kind of attitude? Likely. Whatever!  It is high time that we stop our self-deprecating language and thought habits and let the chips fall where they may! And as hard as this may be to swallow, not everyone has to or will like you or what you say and do and you do not have to like everyone around you too. Radical I know, but trust me ladies, a weight off your shoulders when you realize this.

Another good friend tweeted last night that "It's not always easy doing it all". And she is right! It is not easy being a mom, a business owner, a wife and all the other hats we wear on a daily basis.  No one ever said it would be. Yet we all willingly signed up for this gig.

Be what you are Mamas. Be strong, be smart, be AMAZING....and while you are out there walking the walk, talk the talk too and....

...Let me hear you ROAR!!

Natasha~