Here we go again....with the MOM-ifying!

Every few months this conversation gets going on Twitter and EVERYONE has something to say about it. You know the one.

Goes something like this.

A MOM-preneur and a MOMMY  blogger walk into a bar..... ('cause we are allowed to go out you know!!)

...cute guy hits on said MOM-preneur and asks what she does for a living.

What do you think she says?

I am pretty darn sure that nowhere in that conversation is she going to mention the word MOMpreneur to said cute guy. I can guarantee that it would be more along the lines of, "I run my own e-commerce site, I am a professional writer, I am a jewelery/fashion designer. I am an ENTREPRENEUR!"

I admit that this whole "mompreneur" topic is a total hot button for me and this morning I crashed a twitter convo that @MOMMagRocks, @Chris_Eh_Young and@Modern_Mama where having about it. I personally do not like the terminology and the MOM-ifying of everything related to women in business who also happen to be moms and said as much. To which Connie replied:

And she is not wrong.

I come from a corporate sales and marketing background and have worked in retail and pharmaceutical sales for most of my adult life. I admit that I never had any aspirations to become an entrepreneur before I had my children. Having them and then being at home with them became a priority for our family, one that we did not quite anticipate. So yes, I left a very lucrative position, a nice salary, a company car and multiple other career perks for life as a stay-at-home mom. (And just so you know, I would do it again in a heartbeat!)

But I soon realized that part of me was not being fulfilled. Part of me needed to take what I was doing and what mattered most to me (being a Mama), combine it with what I was VERY good at (sales and marketing) and come up with a fabulous business idea.

I would like to tell you that it was as easy as that and POOF! my business came to be and was an instant success. But that is not quite the true nature of entrepreneurialism (sheesh, try to say that 5 times fast)! And it is simply not true.

The Webster's Dictionary definition of an entrepreneur is this:

: one who organizes, manages, and assumes the risks of a business or enterprise

(and FYI--the word mompreneur is NOT in the Webster's dictionary)

Well, this enterprise that I organize and manage has been one heck of an adventure let me tell you! There have been plenty of risks. Some have been worth it, others have cost me a lot of time and money and heartache. I have learned lessons the hard way and found incredible mentors along the way too. My business has grown and evolved tremendously in the three and a half years since it was founded. As have I, both as an entrepreneur and as a mom.

My point about the whole terminology is this. I truly feel that melding the two together demeans both roles. Perhaps not in the eyes of the #proudmompreneurs out there, and trust me, there are quite a few of them on Twitter tonight, but in the eye of the general public, the mainstream media, and the people who are not in the inner circles of the "mompreneur" world. And I think we have to remember that these people are often our target audience or potential customers and in business, perception is very much reality!

I was reminded on two separate occasions this week about something that I think is very important. At least it is for me at this very moment. Often in our lives, whether it is personal or professional, we can get caught up in our own drama, our own little worlds and our own social or professional circles. And in doing so I believe that we limit our potential. Our potential for growth, our potential for success and our potential for new and even bigger opportunities.

And this is what I believe the term "mompreneur", and even to a degree "mommy blogger", does to us. It limits us! We get pigeonholed into this neat little category that actually fails to represent the complexities of who and what we truly are!

And I know A LOT of amazing women who are incredible entrepreneurs, and also quite amazing moms to boot! The last thing I would want to see is these women not realizing their full and true potential because of a couple of silly words!

I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this recurring topic, whether or not you are an entrepreneur or a mom!

Cheers all,

Natasha~

Check out these other posts from some smart ladies on this topic:

There is no MOM is WOMAN... By Dee Brun, AKA @CocktailDeeva

Watch your Language, Ladies.  By @Kiri_W at Bloggin and Tonic

Reflections of a "Mompreneur". By @zita_dulock of Ignite Strategic Solutions

happy things...

You know those days when you just need to escape? When all you can think about is getting away from the never-ending piles of laundry, the incessant whining, the fighting over whose sandwich is bigger (neither one EVER IS by the way!!), the toys that YOU end up cleaning up day after day and the general chaos of life? I had one of those days yesterday. And as soon as my husband came home I told him that I would be leaving after dinner for some ME time! He leaned over, gave me a kiss and said "OK Dear". It must have been written all over my face.

So escape I did, to the cavernous, anonymous, fabulous confines of West Edmonton Mall. Walking through the mall ALL BY MYSELF is a treat in and of itself and getting to go and browse nonchalantly in my favourite stores almost makes me giddy!

Yesterday I indulged in a few things that really do make me happy and I thought I would share them with you ('cause they may make you happy one day too!)

• The Benefit Brow Bar at Murale. This concept is genius. No appointment necessary, professional esthetician, super clean environment, and you are in and out in under 20 minutes. And seriously, I don't know what it is, but having nicely shaped and clean eyebrows just feels GOOD.
• And while at Murale, Jackie (the wonderful esthetician at the WEM location) introduced me to the new Benefit Cosmetics skincare line. I immediately fell in love with ALL of it. The packaging is lovely (yes, this matters!), the product line is free of parabens and sulphates and this refined finish facial polish is something every mama needs to feel all dewy and gorgeous (I used it this morning and am super impressed with how my skin feels and looks!!) The icing on the cake is that this stuff all smells absolutely divine and I ended up getting the toner and moisturizer too!
• Anthropologie. Really Mamas, need I say more? Okay, I will. I love, love, LOVE this store. I feel like I can buy clothes there that are made to fit real women, do not make me feel like a wannabe pop star and are of a quality that I appreciate. I knew this top was for me the minute I saw it. It is my GREEN and well, green is a happy color for me!

Tuesdays are also happy days for me. My amazing babysitter comes first thing in the morning and I get to go for a grueling great workout with the fabulous Jessica at Infinite Fusion. We are doing a whole lot of Pilates Reformer workouts lately and let me tell you, these are some killer sessions! I highly recommend you try a class or a personal session and see for yourself.

Today was also a happy day for me because I received a shipment for Natural Urban Mamas and I am like a kid on Christmas morning when new product arrives!! In today's box were the wonderful Dolcino Woven Wraps and I am one happy, happy kid today!! I am so glad that I decided to bring in these baby carriers. They are 100% organic cotton, are at a decent price point for a woven wrap and they are the perfect wrap for beginners too, with different colored rails (sides) and tapered ends for easy tying. I rushed home with the box after I picked it up from the post office and immediately wrapped my 30 pound 2-year-old in one! And it is GREEN too!!

One more happy thing for me is a great latte and my all time favourite is the one that the girls make me at Cafe O'Play. This wonderful cafe and play place has become my very own 'Cheers' of motherhood. I am a regular and today I actually told Tava (awesome, sweet, barista extraordinaire) that I would have 'the usual' and by usual I meant the absolutely delicious Yummy Mummy latte. And now you can also have it as a blended latte for summertime. I like it so much, that I will even go to the cafe without the kids just to sit, sip and get a bit of work done too!

So there you have it. My happy places, happy things and my happy color. Please remember to take care of yourselves mamas and find your HAPPY on a regular basis. Remember the mantra....."Happy Mama, no More DRAMA!!"

Happily,

Natasha~

Be glad there's one place in the world Where everybody knows your name, And they're always glad you came; You want to go where people know, People are all the same; You want to go where everybody knows your name.

~Cheers Theme Song~

Mama Metamorphosis

My kids are 4.5 years old and 2.5 years old. Both are my babies, but please DO NOT, under any circumstances, say that to them these days. C remembers being a baby and the things he used to do (nurse, sleep in the crib, be in a baby carrier) and they toys he used to play with, but he is firmly a BIG BOY now and is even concerned that his clothing size is the right number for him!!  L is just realizing that she is a "big girl" and she justifies all that she does now. "Mama, big girls nurse too. Mama, big girls go uppy in carriers too. Mama, I not a baby, I a BIG GIRL!!"

And I have just realized that although they will always be MY babies, they really are NOT little babies anymore and therefore...

....I can not be the 'baby' mama anymore.

It is time for me to grow up and graduate out of the baby stage and transition to this new (and rather scary) phase of parenthood.

For those you who have been following along with my posts you will know that a few months ago, Natural Urban Dad and I were in talks about having another child. Suffice it to say that we have come to a collective agreement and what is going to work for all of us is the status quo. Two kids, two adults, two hands....you do the math. It is what works for us and is what is going to keep us a strong family unit.

And all along the way, in all our talks and negotiations, the theme that kept recurring was one of all of us growing up. Our kids are growing up and contrary to what you would think this would mean, ie, more independence, less reliance on us for everyday tasks, etc., what I have noticed is that they actually NEED us even more right now and in a completely different way than before.

Take my son. He is a sensitive, inquisitive, smart cookie with a quirky personality (he gets that from me I guess ;)). He also seems to have the sharpest hearing in the history of four year-olds and if he hears something he does not quite understand, he will ask you about it and not quite asking until he gets it! This is a totally awesome occurrence. Except when you are not prepared for it.

Yesterday, as we were driving to my niece's 12th birthday party, C pipes up from the back seat of the car.

"Mama, is HATE a bad word?"

Me: "Uhm....... well......, what do you mean?"

"Hate. What does it mean?"

Me: looking over at Natural Urban Dad and mouthing, "Do you want to answer this?" and him staring off into space like he can't hear either of us.

So, as I rolled my eyes at the NUD at my side, I told C this, "Hate is a mean word that some people use when they really, really, REALLY do not like something. It is a word that can hurt people's feelings and one that is not very nice to use."

That seemed to satisfy him for the moment, but it is just one example of the many questions and thoughts that he is processing these days and often needs our help to sort out. Today we had a fun time over breakfast discussing what our emotions are and making the appropriate faces to go with them. Our conversations with C really have gone to a new level as of late and it is awesome and extremely scary at the same time!

And L at two and a half,  has suddenly become the "WHY" kid. Why Mama? Why you put make-up on? Why that lady have crutches? Why we going to swimming? Why? Why? Why? I love that she wants to know EVERYTHING, but OY, some days it is exhausting! And for some reason I just keep answering her multitude of questions and that just makes her ask why even more.....

My kids are also very sensitive with regards to their time with me lately and the whole work-life-parenting-and-being-an entrepreneur-thing is requiring some extra special juggling skills these days! I am working on it, but it is not easy. It is not easy to be saying over and over, "Mommy just has to send one more email and then we can go build your Lego castle/play outside/have a tea party/etc....". And for some reason, "Do you want to come and help Mommy work (ie, pack up orders) does not have the same appeal as it used too!

They just need more from me now on an emotional level and in a way that for some reason I was not fully prepared for. I am sure there are books out there that tell you all about this stage of parenthood (I swear I have a copy of Playful Parenting around here somewhere!), I just have not read them yet!

So, here I go.  Out of my cocoon of babyhood and into the great butterfly unknown of parenting my NOT-babies-anymore babies!!

My babies on the BIG KID swings!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks :)

Natasha~

I am having a glass of wine DAMN IT!

Mamas, hands up if you have any kind of guilty mommy feelings throughout your days? Yup, that is what I thought. I did a little unofficial poll last week after a chat on twitter about a mama wanting to have a glass of wine and feeling guilty about it because she is also breastfeeding. The results are in, and "Mommy Guilt" is rampant and it looks like we may have an epidemic going on!

And it is about EVERYTHING!

Here are a few examples from my polling:

To much KD for dinner/lunch (this particular one was mentioned a lot??).

Not being a stay-at-home mom.

BEING a SAHM, but not wanting to play princess for the 500th time.

Too much TV (this is a big one too it seems).

Not being present in the moment with the kids all the time.

Not spending enough time with Kid 1 when Kid 2 comes along.

C0-sleeping (??).

Not finding time to clean the house.

Neglecting the fur-baby.

Spending time with friends away from the family.

Spending too much time on the computer/laptop/iPad/etc...

Yelling at the kids.

...and the list goes on and on and on.

Why do we put such pressure on ourselves? And who are we trying to impress? Last time I checked there was no Gold medal for being the perfect mother.

And even if there was, who defines the criteria for this coveted award? Who is it that is setting these ridiculous expectations?

Often it is ourselves. We think that we have to DO everything and BE everything to everyone because we are the mom. The reality is, that this is just not the case.

So the kids ate Kraft Dinner two times this week, it is still FOOD and they did eat ALL of it right? In my books, that is a win.

Do I really want to watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN or do the same puzzle for the 17th time today? Probably not and that is OK, because I am not a toddler trying to learn a new skill or a preschooler trying to figure out a storyline. I am NOT going to feel guilty about being a grown-up (and I am probably still going to do those things).

My kids watch TV. I monitor the programs and choose the ones that I think offer them the most educational value (I prefer PBS Kids to Treehouse and I will take Sid the Science Kid over a screaming Dora any day!!). The television is not a 'babysitter' for my kids anymore than it is for me. It is a form of entertainment and education and I would feel more like a hypocrite than anything else, if I told them they could not watch TV and then proceeded to plunk myself on the couch for hours at a time to watch "my shows"!

Guilt about having a glass of wine because you are also breastfeeding? Breastfeeding does not exclude FUN! And if you have had a hard day and need a glass of wine or a beer than GO FOR IT! Alcohol is metabolized in your breast milk exactly as it is in your blood and this is what Dr. Jack Newman himself has to say about it,

Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all. As is the case with most drugs, very little alcohol comes out in the milk. The mother can take some alcohol and continue breastfeeding as she normally does. Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers. (Dr. Jack Newman, member of the LLLI Health Advisory Council, excerpt from his handout “More Breastfeeding Myths”)

Feeling guilty about working full-time? Why? You are providing for your family. This is an act of love and you should feel proud of what you are doing. Especially if it is a job and career that you worked hard for and really love!

Going out with your friends and taking some time for you? Really? This one should be the least of your guilty feelings.

You know the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life"? Well, I have a new one....

Happy Mama, NO MORE Drama!!

Really. Think about it.

A Mama who knows when she needs to take time for herself, whether that is shoe shopping at the mall BY HERSELF or going to get her hair done, or sweating out all her stresses in a Bikram Yoga Class (that one is me BTW), or going for a run, or having a weekly girls night out, or doing WHATEVER it is that makes her happy, is a Mama who is likely to feel good about herself. A Mama who feels good about herself is not going to constantly focus on what she (thinks she) is doing wrong all the time and will be one who can say NO to all that guilt and drama. Hence Happy Mama, No More Drama!!

Now if you will excuse me, I have a glass of wine waiting to make me happy! ;)  I suggest you too find your proverbial 'happy place' and make regular visits to it and let go of your mommy guilt!!

Natasha~

What a Mama WANTS versus What a Mama NEEDS

Motherhood. It is a time of great joy and happiness and wonder. And also a time of great sacrifice. A time when you really discover what your body and mind can endure and what you really need in your life. I thought about this throughout my day yesterday and came up with my list of What Mama Wants versus What Mama Needs.

Mama wants to be able to sleep past 5:30 AM, but Mama needs only about 5 hours of actual sleep to have basic human function throughout the day.

Mama wants a full-time housekeeper, but Mama needs to just be happy that the dog eats all food dropped on the floor and that the clothes is at least clean, if not folded and put away.

Mama wants her kids to "Eat a Rainbow" of fresh, healthy food everyday, but Mama needs to be OK with some of the lesser known rainbow colors too sometimes (chocolate, Kraft Dinner fluorescent orange and Spiderman "Fruit" snack Black)!

Mama wants her children to explore their artistic sides and do crafts all day long, but Mama needs to realize that SHE is not crafty at all and watching Mister Maker do it is just as good, right?

Mama wants 3 hours of uninterrupted work time each and every day, but Mama needs to figure out how to squeeze it all into 15 minute power sessions between meals, school, activity classes and naps!

Mama wants an overnight Date Night once a week (so does Dad), but having a standing weekly reservation at a local hotel might make Mama look like she has a different kind of 'job'. (Hmmm, this one might just be a NEED too, maybe just once a month though!)

Mama wants to shop for herself and by herself, but Mama needs to accept that she has 2 miniature stylists that must accompany her and who seem to have some pretty strong opinions about what she should and should not wear.

Mama wants to have a long hot shower EVERY DAY, but Mama needs one a minimum of 3 times a week and for some reason always has to have an audience!

Mama wants a perfect family, but what Mama needs is the one that she has. With all the crazy, sleeplessness, "I need more hours in a day" and THIS is the way we do it around here and it works for us, that goes along with it!!

Needs are the basics, the essentials that we can not live without. And what I have realized is that my basic needs as a mother are met each and every day when my son looks me in the eyes and tells me "I love you so much Mommy." and my daughter wakes up at night and says, "Mommy, I NEED you!".

Children have this incredible power, the power to show us what we really NEED in our lives and surprise, surprise it is often not what we thought we WANTED in the first place!!

I NEED these two!

Photo credit: magda kirkwood photography

Natasha~

Putting things back where they belong....

Yesterday, my good friend Lara, from MamaPear Designs and I were tweeting and the conversation moved towards boobs, which it often does when the two of us get going! I told her that I did not get any "Push Presents" when the kids were born because Natural Urban Dad is saving up for my post-breastfeeding career boob job. Here is what she had to say.

And then the two of us got curious and pretty much simultaneously posted status updates on Twitter and Facebook asking everyone what their thoughts were on this topic. The responses where surprising and extremely candid. Some women want a lift, some want a reduction, some want implants and some just want all of us Mamas to accept the bodies we have and leave well enough alone.

Personally, here are my thoughts.

I have been breastfeeding for 4 years, 4 months and 27 days (or as like to look at it 1,609 DAYS STRAIGHT!!). And for reals people, THAT amount of engorgement, suckling, pumping, nursing, latching, 5 minutes here, an hour there, a few bites thrown in for good measure and all the good, the bad and the ugly of breastfeeding, makes for some seriously sorry-looking ta-tas on this mama!

Now don't get me wrong, I can make them look good in a nice bra and I have graduated to non-nursing bras now, but I would really like to step out of the shower one day and not have to raise my arms above my head to have my boobs where I WANT them to be. I really don't think that is too much to ask.

AND, I am constantly telling my kids to pick up after themselves and put their toys and clothes back where they belong. Is it wrong to just want MY things to be put back where they belong?

Now, now, I can just hear some of you saying, but Natasha, they are where they belong. They are your big saggy badges of motherhood and you should be proud of them. I AM proud of what I have done with them. I have nourished and nurtured and comforted my children with them for over four years. And these puppies have done a bang up job at it too and I would not trade all of those days of breastfeeding for anything.

But I have other badges of motherhood and at my age, I feel like if I let things get too saggy and baggy, they will end up staying that way forever! So, when L and I are done our breastfeeding (and we are totally on a child-led weaning schedule, so this is no time soon!) and Natural Urban Dad and I have finally decided whether or not we are finished having babies, then I will make an appointment with a highly recommended plastic surgeon and get the ball rolling on operation "Put Things Back Where They Belong!"

In the meantime, if you are thinking about breast augmentation at all, YES, there is an APP for that!!

Check out what I found in the App Store today.  The iAugment app lets you take a picture of your girls (clothed or not) and then you can choose the size (amount of augmentation) you want and you can visual what your new set will look like!! Shake the phone to start over and try a different pair on for size (literally)!!

Until I am done with breastfeeding though, I will just have to be happy with some really great bras and don't be surprised if you see me walking around with my arms up over my head! I may be Crunchy people, but do remember the Lipstick part of it too and know that I am a tad vain that way! And I totally accept that part of myself!

What about you? Any plans to enhance, lift, reduce or otherwise 'clean-up' after you are done breastfeeding and having kids?

Natasha~

What makes a natural birth "natural"?

I read an interesting article in our local paper today and it got me thinking about childbirth and birthing options and what women consider a natural childbirth. I have birthed two children in the past 4 years. And I have always considered my births for both of these little people to be natural. Yet lately, I have come to realize that some might disagree. What constitutes a natural childbirth these days? Is a vaginal birth a natural one even if you have some kind of medical induction or form of pain relief?

My first pregnancy was a complicated one. I developed gestational hypertension (very high blood pressure) at around 26 weeks, was in and out of hospital on bed rest for a few weeks and then put on strict bed rest at home. Because of the hypertension, my son also had intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) and was not a very big baby. We had weekly ultrasounds to chart his growth and at 35 weeks he had stopped growing completely and the decision was made to induce me.

Because of the complications throughout my pregnancy we were prepared for whatever needed to be done during the birth, but my preference had always been for it to be a vaginal birth with minimal interventions. We had hired a doula and were all set for our Monday morning induction.

The method of induction chosen was with a Cervidil (prostaglandin) vaginal insert to ripen my 35 week pregnant cervix. I was told that this could take anywhere from 12-24 hours to take effect and that I could also expect that it may have to be repeated. What actually happened was that within 2 hours I was having mild contractions, within 5 hours I had entered transition (read puking and passed mucous plug) and within 8 hours my water broke, I was fully dilated and I WAS PUSHING! This was all of course VERY much to the surprise of the nursing staff that had refused to believe that I was in "active" labour this whole time and that all of my contractions where 'pre-labor' ones.

My son was born about 5 minutes later, after 3 big pushes and with nary an obstetrician in sight!! Needless to say, within about 3o seconds of his birth we had a full room of about 17 people, including the team from NICU that whisked him away for further assessment after a quick peek and a kiss from mommy. Natural birth? I sure think so.

My second pregnancy was the complete opposite. VERY normal, no issues with my blood pressure at all or any IUGR. I was 41 weeks pregnant when the decision was made with my obstetrician to induce me again. I was extremely uncomfortable (read - big as a house!) and really just wanted to have this baby. We went the Cervidil route again since it worked so well the last time.  I was about 2-3 cm dilated already at this point, so it did not take long for me to be in active labour again. Thankfully, this time everyone believed me! I had a very specific birth plan this time around and did not want ANY interventions. We had our original and might I add, rather amazing doula with us again as well as our back-up doula. I don't think my labour was significantly longer with my daughter, but it was definitely harder. I managed to make it to 8.5 cm on my own, sitting on the birthing ball in the shower with my husband directing the hot water on my back the whole time.

And then I needed some help. And yes, at that point I BEGGED for an epidural and uttered those famous words....

"I can't do this!"

But you know what, I did not get the epidural and I did DO IT! Why? Because I had an amazing birth team that knew what I really wanted and supported me and helped me through that last hump. I did suck back on some nitrous oxide to take the edge off of those last few really tough contractions and 9 hours after my Cervidil induction I was fully dilated and after 20 minutes of pushing, my beautiful baby girl was born. And again I have always considered hers a natural birth too.

What do you think? Did I have "natural birth" experiences? Did you? Is the whole concept of birthing naturally on more of a spectrum or is it very black and white?

I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Natasha~

Happy Mother's Day!!

It has been a busy Mother's Day weekend around here. But in a good way. I got to spend time with the most important mothers in my life. My mother, my sister and my mother-in-law. My sister and mom and I toured some local greenhouses on Saturday and we had my in-laws over for brunch today.

My family let me have a fabulous 3.5 hour nap today (which probably explains why I am up writing at 12:42 AM!!) we had a great family walk after dinner and Natural Urban Dad and I topped off the day by watching a really nice movie tonight (Love and Other Drugs-I'll have more to say about this film in a later post).  All in all, it was just the perfect weekend.

I do have more that I want to say on the whole "Mother's Day" thing, but for now, and because I really should get to bed, here are a few highlights from my weekend.

I hope you all had a wonderful day doing whatever it is that makes you happy!

Hugs,

Natasha~

P.S. This week-long hiatus from the blog is DONE! Did you miss me??