Silver Linings List

I am a couple of days behind for my #40silverlinings posts and so tonight, I give you a small list of things that have made my week have that slight little glow around the edges.

#11. A return to regular date night for B and I. AND, I actually ate some incredible bacon-wrapped chorizo-stuffed dates that night as well, so...  it was a double date night! (Seriously though, check out Canteen when you can, you won't be disappointed.)

#12. My incredibly cheesy pun-iness! (See above. Yes, I am a dork.)

#13. A friend who is there for me whenever I need her, even when she is about to lose her own shit! (Love you L!!)

#14. NAPS. I swear on days when we ALL nap, everything gets outlined in silver and rainbows and covered in unicorn farts!

#15. This picture.

You're welcome.

(I might have a slight obsession with Sons of Anarchy right now, and Charlie Hunman is MY TV boyfriend! Get your own!)

Have a great weekend everyone,

Natasha~

(I do not know the origin of this photo, sorry lucky, lucky photographer who got to do this shoot!)

 

five reasons to become a parent

There is a pretty hilarious video circulating on the interwebs these days called "The Parent Rap". Seriously, go watch it here, it is worth a few giggles. What is interesting is the reaction of the singletons to this video. There seems to be this feeling of "way to convince us to NEVER have kids" that is accompanying said video. Dad trading in his sports car for a more practical sedan. Yup, that happens. Mom doing most of the cooking, cleaning and kid wrangling. It's the truth, even for the moms who work out of the home.

Parenting is all THAT and a bag of chips folks. Really. It IS!

BUT...

Just in case you need more convincing, dear singletons of the universe, I have put together a list of 5 things that are so fantastic about being a new parent that you will all be clamouring to start the process IMMEDIATELY!

1. Poop.

You know how now you just never get to talk about it? It is simply not something that comes up in casual conversation, unless of course you are telling that story about your crazy German cousin on his cross country tour and the unfortunate yet highly hilarious incident at that hostel in Montreal after an all-night rave in 2003.

Well, no more worries for you my friend! When you have a baby, poop is pretty much the number one thing that everyone is talking about. How was your first poop after birth. (FYI-doesn't hurt AT ALL!) How often is your baby pooping? What color is the poop? How chunky is it? How much poop can a diaper actually hold? How do you actually get poop stains off of popcorn ceilings? Is that mustard? So many ways to talk about poop. And most of the time with a completely straight face too. It is awesome! Trust me.

2. Sleep.

You know all those crazy drinking and partying "all-nighters" you've been pulling up until now? Well guess what!? You get to keep doing them! You get to stay up till all hours of the night with a fellow drinker! One of you is going to pass out and likely pee your pants. I won't say who. Chances are you will flash your boobs a few times during the night and at some point someone is going to be completely naked and screaming their head off too. See? Just like the good ol' days! Just remember to rehydrate. And sleep it off during the day.

3. Advice.

You know how sometimes it is hard to ask people for help or get some advice?  Well, you need not worry about that anymore! Not one little bit. You won't even have to ask. The slightest twitch of an eyebrow or hint of confusion in your face is enough for almost anyone to understand that you truly do need their ever-so-gracious tidbits of life lessons. You will be surrounded by so many lovely people just aching to give you advice on pretty much everything you do as a parent that you literally won't have to think for yourself for at least one whole year. It's so great!

4. Sex.

Sexy time. Doing it. Making love. Whatever you want to call it, you can stop fussing and thinking about it so much. Sex is not going to be taking up any more of your precious time. No more hours of foreplay and having to do it in every position imaginable. And that romp in the morning before work? Gone. You won't have to sneak out of bed to brush your teeth in the wee hours ever again. Oh, you will have to still have some sex, but now it will be more of the sea turtle kind, really, really quiet and likely scheduled into your iCalendar (cause see turtles all have iPhones, DUH!). Just think of all the time you used to spend having sex. Now you get to spend all that time doing other fabulous parent-y type things. Your life will be richer for it.

5. Your body.

You know how self conscious you are about that little bit of a roll over your jeans? Or that mole that is in that weird spot under your left boob? Or how there is the hassle of having to close the bathroom door every time you want to go pee. All that is over and done with. No longer do you have to worry about not letting random strangers touch your boobs. Totally taken care of. And all that 'private parts are private' nonsense? No worries. A few stitches in you nether region will heal you of any and all dignity you once had. It was just holding you back anyway. Now you can be free to pee with the doors WIDE open and you will also (at least for a few years) always have an audience to perform you shower singing for! Nudity FOR THE WIN people!!

So there you have it singletons. Get on out there and start your procreating so you to can reap all of these incredible benefits and SO MANY more of being a parent!

Also, learn to laugh at yourself.

A LOT!

Sincerely,

Your poop-talking, booby-baring, peeing with the door open, too many bodies in my bed, parenting guru,

Natasha~

misplaced

Have you ever had one of those weeks when at any given time, you have no idea what day it is, what time it is or what or where you are supposed to be? This is happening to me right now.

And to be honest, it is freaking me out a bit.

Last night around 4:30 AM I woke up in my son's bed.

Now this in and of itself is not strange. He has been having nightmares and more than a few nights a week either Natural Urban Dad or I end up sleeping with him.

What is strange is that I have absolutely ZERO recollection of him coming to my room and waking me up and then walking down the hall to his room and getting back into bed with him.

Nada. NONE.

Try as I might to remember, any memory of this late night musical beds escapade does not seem to have been stored anywhere in my brain.

And just this very minute (or five minutes ago), I realized that I missed my favourite #BlogNow Twitter chat. Now, you'd think this wouldn't be a big deal, EXCEPT, that just two hours ago, while on Facebook, I clicked "attending" on the event for the chat that said that it was happening on NOVEMBER 13th.

Not until I was scrolling through my Twitter stream and saw all the #blognow hashtags did it actually occur to me that TODAY is in fact November 13th.

And it's not just today. If I didn't have a sister-wife/bestie with whom I spend a good 50% of my week with and who thankfully knows my schedule, I would have totally missed an appointment with my contractor today and forgotten that I was watching her kids this week too!

To make matters somewhat worse, and me somewhat more pathetic, ALL OF THIS (at least the appointment stuff) is in my calendar on all of my electronic devices. Laptop, phone, iPad... EVERYWHERE!

I don't know what the full criteria is for this, but let's just say that I think it is kind of official...

I have started to lose my ever-loving mind!!

See!

There has got to be an app for this right?

Seriously, if you have or know of an App that helps you keep track of your life, or keep you on track in your life, please share it with me. I don't know if it will help with the crazy sleep walking musical beds thing, but at least I won't miss appointments and won't have to rely on my human scheduler who, by the way, has three kids of her own, anymore!

Or maybe I just have to start going to bed earlier....

Goodnight folks.

Who knows whose bed I'll end up in tonight.

Wait...

That doesn't sound good.

Oh.

I give up!

Off to find my brain...

N~

I'm knitting with only one needle Unraveling fast it's true I'm driving only three wheels these days But my dear, how about you? I'm going slightly mad I'm going slightly mad It finally happened It finally happened - oh yes It finally happened - I'm slightly mad  Just very slightly mad! And there you have it!

I am going slightly mad.

Freddie Mercury, circa 1991~

I am the Tony Stark of parenting!

I am a goddamn parenting genius! .

.

.

.

OK, fine. Slight exaggeration.

Maybe I just exude parental confidence. {While inwardly I am pulling my hair out strand by strand and sitting in a corner holding myself and rocking back and forth.}

Whatever the case may be, people ask me for advice all the time.

It ranges from prenatal questions all the way to potty training and back again. And for the record, I am definitely not an expert in any of these things by any conventional definition.

What I am is a mama. I have almost 6 years of seniority in this position and according to a recent personality test I took (more on that in a later post) I have an above average amount of behavioural adaptability. Which I think is just fancy talk for I just know how to go with the flow!

I also like to listen to my instincts. My gut, so to speak. And for the most part, (teensy bit of bragging here) my gut is rarely wrong.

Why am I telling you all this?

It started last week when my lovely friend and kicks-my-ass-weekly personal trainer, Jessica, asked me for some sleep advice for one of her 5 month old twins. One was sleeping in his crib just fine and the other one just could not do it without Jessica being there with him.

Now of course, my first reaction when anyone asks me for baby sleep advice is to laugh out loud, because, as you may know, I have not had a full night of uninterrupted sleep since December of 2006.

My second reaction is to ask more questions. How does he usually sleep? What does he need? What (or who) is his comfort?  Jess answered all of these and the main theme that I uncovered was that he needed HER. The problem is that she needed her sleep.

So, in my infinite parental wisdom, I said, "Give him your shirt."

Huh?

Here is the way I understand it. Babies imprint on us. Yes, imprint, just like in Twilight with Jacob and baby Renesmee. It's an instant and forever bond and a big part of that has to do with our senses. Touch, taste, hearing, smell and sight. So when Jessica told me that Baby R needed her and she needed to be sleeping in her own bed, I said give him your shirt.

Because it smells like her. The first scent that he ever smelled, his soothing imprint, his mama.

So she did. She gave him her "I just taught two fitness classes, this smells A LOT like me" top and a few hours later I got this tweet.

https://twitter.com/infinitefit/status/256248507684491264

And yesterday, she texted me this sweet (sweaty shirt) photo!

It has been a week and he is still sleeping at nights all snuggled up with his mama's shirt.

Therefore, I believe this makes it official.

I AM a genius!

Patent-pending of course, but in the meantime feel free to use my very scientific GTFTS "technique" (which by the way, I have also used with some success with toddlers too)!

Happy Sleepy Times Mamas,

Natasha~

Thankful for silliness and sinus medication.

I am in a bit of a fog, so please forgive me. I have a head cold, I have already taken the night-time meds, and I may be a bit delirious!

And for the past two days, I have also been {finally} finishing up my books and accounting for the store.

To say that I am bug-eyed, number crunched and reconciled completely OUT  is a severe understatement.

Although I have to say that I am 99.2% DONE and ready to pass it on to my accountant.

That being said...

To further procrastinate some more take a break earlier, I headed over to @schmutzie's blog and saw this post!

And I cracked up BIG time!

So, in honor of her and because I am high on cold medication.

Here I am in my #HideousSelfie glory!!

I think the sinus cold bags under my eyes really takes it to a new level, don't you?

Good Night All!

Natasha~

date night

You know what is important when you are married with kids? Date night.

Especially after a day with 4 kids under 6. One of these my 4-month old baby nephew, who HAS to be worn at all times. (I think I MAY have forgotten how this is all baby plus other kids stuff is done and I can now honestly say that I do not *in any way* want any more kids!)

Anywho...

Lately, what Natural Urban Dad and I have found, is that date night with another couple is a great way to have even more fun!

You can commiserate with each other, share inappropriate stories that only other parents will understand, and it never drags on and on because everyone needs to get home to pay the babysitter.

So make a list of your couple/parent friends and start double dating again!

And then come home after an amazing meal (and lots of sangria) at Tres Carnales and more wine for dessert and start taking ridiculous Photobooth pictures of yourself!

Trying to appear sultry and failing by managing to make it look like my finger needs to hold up my chin?

CLOSE-UP!

How I am likely to feel in the morning!

Whatevs.....

It was all worth it!

Thanks to J and S, and of course, Natural Urban Dad for a great double date night!

Cheers,

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I still have one to catch up on, but here is tonight's (slightly inebriated) post!

Day 28 of the Summer Blog Challenge!

Go see what the sober bloggers have been up to today...

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

 Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

18 things that I think about EVERY Day

Since I can't remember the awesome blog post idea that I had only hour ago is, I am taking a page from @Schmutzie's playbook today and I am going to give you a list! So here ,in no particular order, is a list of 18 things that cross my mind daily...

1. Why is there not a specialty coffee delivery service/van/company? Seriously, someone please get on that!

2. Why is it that my kids can remember EVERY SINGLE bad word I say, but can't remember where they put the toy they were playing with not 10 minutes ago?

3. Did anyone else secretly wish that Victor Newman was their long lost father when they were growing up?

4. Why are there so many damn spiders in my NEW house!!??

5. I really need a pedicure and a massage. At least bi-weekly.

6. How exactly does one know if the hundreds of dollars spent on anti-aging products are actually working?

7. What the heck is for dinner tonight?

8. I really wish I could remember where I put those fancy new hair twisty clips/bobby pin things that cost me twenty bucks!

9. How on earth did I get a bruise THERE?

10. Should I cut my hair REALLY, REALLY short?

11. Crap, I forgot to take my meds again.

12. I really hate our dining room light. I must get to the lighting store this week to find a new one.

13. I should really just bite the bullet and register for that creative writing class and commit to this THING!

14. What is it about setting goals that scares the shit out of me?

15. Nope, there is absolutely NO chocolate in this house. Don't even think about going to look for any!

16. I wish I could speak Mandarin.

17. Please God, don't let me screw up too badly as a parent and mess them up too much! Just enough to not be boring human beings.

18. (And this one I am adding because it is ALL I am thinking about now!) I am going to go to Costco and buy a VERY LARGE supply of post-its so that I never forget a great post idea ever again. {Thanks to @MrLady for the suggestion. I predict a very colourful computer screen/desk/kitchen counter/bedside table from now on!}

Now, carry on with your day.

Hugs and kisses,

Natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is Day 18 of the Summer Blog Challenge.

{And in the spirit of full disclosure, this is post #17 for me. I promise, I WILL catch up.}

Check out what is going on with our other fine bloggers.

Zita at The Dulock Diaries.

Meaghan at MagzD Life

April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say

Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World

 Jessica at 2plus2X2

and Liam at In the Now

The Virgin Garden

This week I decided it was time to go all the way. I mean, I have waited 40 years, I weighed all the pros and cons and I was pretty sure I was mentally ready to handle the consequences.

So I had a long shower, cleaned myself up real nice, put on a pretty pink dress and off I went to get my flower plucked.

The setting was perfect.

A beautiful, tranquil place, filled with lots of nice sounds and smells. All of it intended to relax me and help put me in the mood.

I had a drink and I washed my face with a cool cloth.

I took off my clothes and folded them in a neat pile on the chair and laid down on the bed.

I was ready.

And then I heard these ominous words...

"Let's see what we are dealing with here."

And the covers where pulled back.....

.

.

,

I am of course talking about hair removal.

Specifically, hair removal, to quote the much maligned heroine of a certain smuterotica best seller, "down there".

I have been thinking about it for a while and since we are going on holidays soon, I thought it would be a good idea to get it done now and not have to worry about any errant fly aways peaking {or poking} out of my bathing suit while I was lying languorously on a beach chair reading yet more smuterotica or frolicking in the ocean. (Because that is what you do on your family vacations too, right?)

My bestie went to see a woman before her last tropical vacay and had the whole shebang done and she highly recommended both this particular esthetician and the process itself.

I trust my friend and so I called and made an appointment to get all of my hairy parts 'sugared'.

Yup, you heard right. Sugared, NOT waxed.

I have always had my brows waxed in the past and have even done my legs a few times, but have never been a huge fan of the practice. For one thing, most waxes are made from resins and can include lots of chemicals, dyes and preservatives in them. With sugaring the components are sugar, lemon juice, water and sometimes essential oils. From a ingredient perspective alone it is a more natural choice for a hair removal process.

Sugaring is also more gentle on your skin. It is applied lukewarm to your skin, the sugar paste surrounds the hairs and is removed in the same direction that the hair is growing. This is easier on your skin and since the sugar itself only attaches to dead skin cells and not  your actual skin, you do not run the risk of taking off any skin along with the hair, which can happen with waxing and instead you get a nice exfoliation as an added bonus to the process.

Susan, my trusty hair removal expert at Temple of Beauty Day Spa knew I was a virgin coming in to this and she promised to gently ease me into her world.

She started with my brows, a spot I am used to having waxed and I thought to myself, "This isn't bad at all. MUCH less sting than waxing. Cool, I can totally handle this."

Then she moved to my armpits. And WOWZA! Scratch that earlier thought! I am not sure if it is because of all the lymph nodes under there, or just because it is a rather protected area of skin that doesn't get a lot of 'weathering' per se, but holy Hannah, THAT shit was painful. While the sugar itself is a more gentle and natural solution for my skin, the plain fact remained that the tiny hairs on my body where being ripped out en masse. The lovely Susan told me that she was assessing my pain tolerance while sugaring under my arms to decide how much I would be able to handle in my nether regions! It wasn't looking very promising.

Next up. My lower legs. These I have also had waxed before, so I knew what to expect and it was really not bad. Except around the ankles. That was like little red ants biting me because I danced a jig on their home in the ground. VERY ouchy!

The good news is that unlike with waxing where you have a lingering pain and sometimes an intense throbbing (and possible skin removal), once the sugar is removed, there is no more pain or tenderness. Just smoothy, smoothiness. {Those are words, really, they are!}

With my legs all done, it was now back up to the ummm, middle.

I had three choices here. The classic, the skinny or the brazilian!

Within five seconds I knew it was NOT going to be the full shebang. But being the pro that she is, Susan just kept on going. She kept reminding me to concentrate on my breathing and kept trying to take my focus away from the sweet sting of what was happening by talking to me about anything and everything else. My kids, my vacation, her kids, the weather.... and various horror stories about her first forays into doing full brazilians 12 years ago.

It was not unlike what my doulas did for me while giving birth to my children. Except of course for the 'name that rash on a strangers vagina' stories. That was different.  And this time around, Susan was helping me give birth to a new silky smooth me.

I managed to make it all the way to the skinny bikini and had to call it quits. And I don't know about any of you who have had this kind of follicular maintenance stuff done before, but I found the {ahem}, upper lawn portion more painful to landscape than the... uh, lower hedges. Maybe that is just me...

In the end, and after all the toe curling and heavy breathing I have to say that I am very happy that I finally did "IT". I will very likely go back to Susan for some more routine care and upkeep of my lovely and well-groomed garden.  Within minutes of her being done, aka, me begging her to stop, there was no more sting and just the results I was hoping for. {Smoothy, smoothiness in case you forgot.}

And really, how many girls can say that of their first time!!

Happy Friday the 13th Mamas!!

Natasha~