Why 50 Shades is good for you.
I caved.
BIG TIME.
I had heard about it a few months ago, but didn't really buy into the hype.
I mean, it's not like I was a stranger to erotic fiction. I was reading The Story of O and Ann Rice's (writing as Ann Rampling) Sleeping Beauty Trilogy way before women all over North America started googling BDSM and realizing that a full bladder equals a bloody amazing orgasm!
So, YES. I have now read all three of the Shades of Grey books and I am not ashamed to say that I thoroughly devoured and enjoyed all of them.
Today I read a post on the Yummy Mummy Club site by Kat Armstrong, their new Celebritease writer in which she ponders this "mommy porn" phenomenon...
"But there's something about this book.... that keeps drawing women in, but I completely don't get it. I don't understand how poorly written erotic fiction is turning so many of you on in a major way. I don't understand how you're not embarrassed by seeing every other mum wandering around with a copy of this or the other two books in the series. I don't understand why you don't just watch porn.
I just do not understand the appeal."
So I thought I would enlighten her and a few others out there on why I think Ms. James and her irresistible characters have enthralled a whole section of the population.
My first point is a direct answer to her "Why don't you just watch porn?" statement.
Because we are women. Plain and simple really. For most of us, sex, fantasy, romanticism, erotica, and all of that... it happens in our minds. I realize that this is a generalization, but one that I am fairly confident about. I guarantee you that if my mind is aroused, anticipating what is going to happen, seeing the whole scene in the safe and private screening room that is my imagination, then I am pretty much a sure thing. Whereas watching a perfectly shaved, busty blonde, doing her faked version of a mind-blowing orgasm on the screen of my laptop via YouPorn, meh... it seems to me that this takes all the fun out of it! {Not that I have ever done this of course}. I am no expert on this, but I am pretty sure that for most women our biggest erogenous zone is our mind!
We are not guys. Most women are not hard-wired for sex at any minute the way guys are. Need to test this? Try a little experiment for me...
If you are sitting beside your significant other and reading this right now, stop reading. Tell him you want to have sex RIGHT NOW. It's OK. I will wait till you get back.
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See, they can't really say no and can be ready in an instant. Whereas women need more of a warm up. We need to stretch before we work out! And if reading a few chapters of Christian and Anastasia's latest antics in the playroom serve as a good stretch for your imagination and this is going to make you more ready and willing for a good romp, then I say go for it. You wouldn't want to pull a muscle or something now would you?
What exactly is the appeal of the Christian/Anasatasia relationship and why do we care?
Okay. Now most of this is just my theory, so don't shoot me if you don't agree. Let's just think of this as Book Club and we are having a discussion about the themes in the book. So here goes...
We all want to be Ana. Smart, sassy, young, pretty, perky boobs (oh, to have perky boobs again!!) and her whole life ahead of her. I don't have these statistics, but I would take a guess that the majority of women reading 50 Shades are not 22-year-old college graduates. They are 35-50 year old women who have kids and careers and husbands and mortgages and car pools and PTA meetings and probably can't remember if they actually had a shower today or not. We escape into Ana for a time and get to pretend that we are all that she is and none of the other stuff. This is not a bad thing and being able to feel what the protagonist is feeling is in my opinion, one of the hallmarks of a good read.
And we all want Christian. I don't care who you are, you can be the hard-core feminist or the devoted housewife (or both really), but no woman among us can resist the tortured soul. It is that ever-present romantic notion that love will conquer all. In 50 Shades, that love just happens to be peppered with a rather decadent dose of what Ana so aptly called "kinky fuckery". And really, who couldn't use a little bit more of that in their love lives?
That is really it on the surface, we all want to be her, we all want to be taken care of by him (in ALL ways) and we all want to FIX him. To be perfectly honest, I am still mulling over the Christian/Ana dynamic and have a few more thoughts on it. I think it could be further delved into and discussed as it applies to a lot of relationship issues, especially those of control, insecurity and trust... food for thought for a future post maybe.
It really is just a love story. And who doesn't root for the girl to get the boy in the end and for everyone to live happily ever after?
The third point I want to make is about the writing itself.
Now I haven't made a point to read a lot of different reviews about the books themselves, but suffice it to say that the general consensus is that Ms. James' writing is not that great.
Hmmm.... maybe my tastes are not that sophisticated, because I didn't think it was that bad for a first time author. Was it a particularly intricate read? No, it was not. Did I start to roll my eyes a bit at the constant references to Ana's 'Inner Goddess' and 'Subconscious' as if they were characters in the story? Yes, that got a bit tired. But all in all, I didn't put down the book at any time and say to myself, "Oh my god, this writing is atrocious, I can't read anymore of this!"
I would like to say this though. 50 Shades was originally written as fan fiction based on the Twilight series. Twilight, the series written about a high school student and a bunch of vampires that has been read by moms the world over. The Hunger Games trilogy is another young adult series written for teenagers about teenagers forced to fight for the pleasure of others. All of these books are written for a young adult audience, and yet here we are all reading them and we are FAR from the young adult phase of our lives.
Why is this?
Well, I have one theory. I don't know about you, but for the last five and a half years, I have read A LOT of books. Books that rhyme, books that make no sense, books that have farting dogs, and bats that live with birds, and birds wanting to drive buses and dinosaurs paying hockey and silly cats who think they are dogs. I have read books over and over and over again, to the point that I can recite them now without even looking at the pages. Because that is what you do when you have kids, you read to them, you let them use their imaginations and see the words and pictures from their books come alive right in front of them and through you.
And if your first years of parenthood have been anything like mine, you rarely have time to delve into a really good book that is just for you, let alone finish one! So, in comes some YA (young adult) fiction. Are these books easy to read? Yes, they are. Do they take you away and give you an escape from the hum-drum of diapers and midnight feedings and potty training? They sure do. This is not a bad thing Mamas. If reading a book, any book that has more words than pictures in it, and one that can give you a half an hour or if you are really lucky, an hour to yourself, I say go for it. Who cares if it was written for a 17-year-old. If you really think about it, some of the greatest books in history are considered young adult fiction. Consider The Catcher in the Rye, The Outsiders, To Kill a Mockingbird and Great Expectations, just to name a few.
{Disclaimer - the '50 Shades' books are NOT for anyone under the age of 25 in my opinion!}
Now back to 50 Shades of Grey for my final point to explain the appeal.
I was at a dinner party a few weeks ago and the conversation turned to the books. My friend's husband was arguing the 'why don't you just watch porn' angle and also saying that the books where stupid because it is not like all these housewives and moms where going to go out and try all the BDSM stuff that is in the book, so what is the point.
I bit my tongue that night and did not say much in mixed company, but here is the point. Having kids and careers and busy lives sometimes makes for nights when it's an effort just to get to bed at the same time, let alone be awake enough for some sexy time. Add in co-sleeping, night-time parenting and the fear of scarring your children forever if they walk in on you getting busy, well, the time for spontaneity in your sex life often goes out the window and finding and turning on your libido can end up last on your very long to-do list. If reading some erotic fiction gets your blood boiling and lights a fire in the otherwise dry twigs that constitute your loins these days, then READ ON MAMAS!! I am not saying you have to go and get yourself all trussed up on a wheel and whipped with a riding crop, but a blindfold and a few silk scarves could do wonders for any bedroom experience... It is your imagination ladies, spurred on by a few words on paper! Use this and get it on again with those hot men you made babies with and once upon a time couldn't keep your hands off of!!
All I have to say is this...
Don't knock it till you try it {or in this case read it} folks!
You and very likely your partner too will be glad that you did!
Laters baby,
;)
N~
learning to love forty
I have been forty years old for 12 days now. It's growing on me. Slowly.
And so when I saw this in my Facebook feed today I immediately clicked on it.
Check out what the ever so wise Andy had to say about us gals.
I particularly like this one...
"A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing."
I think I love him.
And just because I can, you can expect some 'Imma gonna get my forty freak-on!' posts coming very shortly.
Cheers my young grasshoppers!
Natasha~
I am kinda PISSED...
What the Freakin' Firetruck is wrong with Hollywood?? Is there not an original idea floating around anywhere in La La Land these days!!
I just heard that Ridley Scott is planning to revisit and remake the world of "Blade Runner". 
This is the icing on the shit cake that includes the overly cheesy Kenny Ortega announcing (and then shamelessly plugging away on So You Think You Can Dance) the remake of "Dirty Dancing".
What is wrong with these people? Why can they just leave the classics alone and let them BE CLASSICS! Especially the classics that they made in the first place!
Blade Runner and Dirty Dancing are two of my favourite movies of all time. The mere thought of someone other than Patrick Swayze playing Johnny is unfathomable to me. And can someone please explain to me who on earth they can get to embody the anguish and yearned-for human existence and memory that was Rutger Hauer's portrayal of the replicant Roy Batty?
And while I am ranting about this, can any of you comic book geeks out there please explain to me why all the super hero movies need to be "re-booted" every few years? The Hulk, Spiderman, Superman and now even Batman? And these are just the so-called 'good ones'....
Maybe I am just a purist. I like things to stay the way they were originally made. I want new generations to appreciate what came before them and see the value and talent and awesomeness that was. I want my kids to watch Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and Back to the Future when they are old enough and know how cool they are in their originality. I want them to appreciate original art and a good movie....
...or a completely cheesy one too!!
Damn it people, NOBODY puts Baby in a corner!
And by "Baby" I mean Jennifer Grey, before the nose job!!
N~
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Summer Blog Challenge posts for August 22, 2011
- Peter survives a meeting with a sith lord: Crazy Wookie Cookies
- Shaun recovers from a rough day: Expedition of Truths
- Earl recognizes the passing of a great man: My Name is Earl (J. Woods)
- Zita brings on some data entry help: Ignite Strategic Solutions
- Brad is a good uncle: Kick Me Out Soon
- Natasha doubles up to make up for Sunday: Natural Urban Mamas One Two
- Kim puts her feet up: Nature Baby Bloggings
- Cliff keeps playing his games: Peer Pressure Works
- Tammy also laments Jack Layton’s passing: Tam I Am
- Chad swelters: The Daily Grind
- Liam phones one in: In The Now
Putting things back where they belong....
Yesterday, my good friend Lara, from MamaPear Designs and I were tweeting and the conversation moved towards boobs, which it often does when the two of us get going! I told her that I did not get any "Push Presents" when the kids were born because Natural Urban Dad is saving up for my post-breastfeeding career boob job. Here is what she had to say.
And then the two of us got curious and pretty much simultaneously posted status updates on Twitter and Facebook asking everyone what their thoughts were on this topic. The responses where surprising and extremely candid. Some women want a lift, some want a reduction, some want implants and some just want all of us Mamas to accept the bodies we have and leave well enough alone.
Personally, here are my thoughts.
I have been breastfeeding for 4 years, 4 months and 27 days (or as like to look at it 1,609 DAYS STRAIGHT!!). And for reals people, THAT amount of engorgement, suckling, pumping, nursing, latching, 5 minutes here, an hour there, a few bites thrown in for good measure and all the good, the bad and the ugly of breastfeeding, makes for some seriously sorry-looking ta-tas on this mama!
Now don't get me wrong, I can make them look good in a nice bra and I have graduated to non-nursing bras now, but I would really like to step out of the shower one day and not have to raise my arms above my head to have my boobs where I WANT them to be. I really don't think that is too much to ask.
AND, I am constantly telling my kids to pick up after themselves and put their toys and clothes back where they belong. Is it wrong to just want MY things to be put back where they belong?
Now, now, I can just hear some of you saying, but Natasha, they are where they belong. They are your big saggy badges of motherhood and you should be proud of them. I AM proud of what I have done with them. I have nourished and nurtured and comforted my children with them for over four years. And these puppies have done a bang up job at it too and I would not trade all of those days of breastfeeding for anything.
But I have other badges of motherhood and at my age, I feel like if I let things get too saggy and baggy, they will end up staying that way forever! So, when L and I are done our breastfeeding (and we are totally on a child-led weaning schedule, so this is no time soon!) and Natural Urban Dad and I have finally decided whether or not we are finished having babies, then I will make an appointment with a highly recommended plastic surgeon and get the ball rolling on operation "Put Things Back Where They Belong!"
In the meantime, if you are thinking about breast augmentation at all, YES, there is an APP for that!!
Check out what I found in the App Store today. The iAugment app lets you take a picture of your girls (clothed or not) and then you can choose the size (amount of augmentation) you want and you can visual what your new set will look like!! Shake the phone to start over and try a different pair on for size (literally)!!
Until I am done with breastfeeding though, I will just have to be happy with some really great bras and don't be surprised if you see me walking around with my arms up over my head! I may be Crunchy people, but do remember the Lipstick part of it too and know that I am a tad vain that way! And I totally accept that part of myself!
What about you? Any plans to enhance, lift, reduce or otherwise 'clean-up' after you are done breastfeeding and having kids?
Natasha~
Mommy, you have a big booty shack!!!
This is my son's favourite thing to say to me these days! He is at that 'oh, so wonderful' age of 3.5 years old when he is REALLY discovering his world and all the sights, sounds and smells that go along with it. And because he is 3.5 years old, he also talks about whatever it is he is thinking or seeing or smelling or discovering incessantly. It is an amazing time for him and for us, but can also be a very embarrassing time for us as well--like at Starbucks a few weeks ago, when he LOUDLY pointed out that another mommy had a VERY big booty shack, as I slowly tried to slide under the table and avoid all eye contact with anyone! All this brings me to the reason for this post. In another of his very observatory moments, this morning as I was getting dressed he pointed out that my underwear did not cover my bum, aka, the booty shack. I was wearing a pair of Hanky Panky underwear and he wanted to know why it did not cover my bum? Well, YOU try to explain thong underwear to a 3.5 year old!!
So this whole situation got me thinking about underwear and how my needs, likes, and general comfort level have changed since having kids. Pre-babies I was a Hanky Panky only girl--damn the $24/pair price tag, I needed to have them and in every color too! And why not, they are one size fits all, NEVER show a panty line and are THE most comfortable thong panty out there. And if you believe that the picture to the right is my bum.....then yes, it absolutely is.
And then I got pregnant with my son. And for the most part Hanky Panky's are a great maternity panty. Because of the stretchy lace, they easily accommodate the changing and growing body (and bum!) of a pregnant woman. So for baby number one, I managed to avoid going the route of the ridiculously HUGE maternity underwear and risk losing ANY and all sex appeal I could still muster up during that time.
Fast forward to 35 weeks pregnant and for some reason, NO ONE told me about the whole lochia thing until about a day or two before my son was born (we had a weekend to prepare for an early induction on a Monday), so there I was at Zellers on a Sunday afternoon looking for some cheap granny panties that I could just scrap after the 'after' stuff was all done. I found a nice 6 pack of Fruit of the Looms that served their purpose for a good six weeks and then were summarily trashed!! And it was right back to the Hanky Panky's thank you very much.
I was pregnant with my daughter 14 months later and again wore them throughout most of my pregnancy--now I say most because, again, unbeknown to me at the time, having 2 babies in less than 22 months can do things to your body that you were not expecting! I am talking about HEMORRHOIDS here people!!! Those darn little grape like protrusions that were not there before! And let me tell you, hemorrhoids and Hanky Panky's (or any thong underwear for that matter) DO NOT mix!! So I gave in and got me some not so huge Bravado panties that were not too ugly. Around that time I also discovered a line of Jockey underwear that has become a new staple in my undies drawer. The NO Panty Line Promise, Modern Brief. These do all the things I like about Hanky Panky's (stretchy, no lines, sit low on the waist) AND they cover my bum.
So skip forward a year and a half later. The hemorrhoids are no longer a problem (and for those of you who are pregnant and reading this and have this particular issue, all I can say is - TUCK's wipes my friends!!). Sadly, I have to admit that the days of my exclusivity to the Hanky Panky's thong are over. I wear a mix of underwear these days and some days a nice pair of cotton hipster undies is what a girl needs. If only to keep the 'big booty shack' comments to a minimum.....
How about you? How do you cover (or not) your booty shack?
Natasha~
P.S. I have in no way received any compensation from Hanky Panky, Jockey or Fruit of the Loom for the above mentions. Although if anyone knows someone who works for them and thinks that they would like to compensate me, then please pass this on!! :)