Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #17

Today's edition comes with a BIG trigger warning. Some of the posts from this week are about childhood sexual abuse and how the Dylan Farrow/Woody Allen situation has brought this topic WAY out from under the carpets that it is often swept under in the name of "it's in the past, time to move on", "allegedly", "but he/she is the nicest person in the world", and all the other ways that society will more often than not choose a blissful shield of ignorance, rather than listen to or hear what happens to 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys in our world (Canadian Statistics). ***If you are not in a place to read these articles, please know this; it is OK, you don't have to. Skip #1. As an alternative, I give you cute baby animals instead! XOXO ****

*****For the record and in the spirit of full disclosure, I believe Dylan Farrow. I am one of the 1 in 3 girls that was sexually abused as a child by a trusted neighbour and there are still people in my life who do not know about it or who don't quite understand what that means to my life now.****

~~~~~~~~~~

1. Dylan Farrow's incredibly raw open letter to to the world about her sexual abuse at the hands of one of the most revered Hollywood directors of our time started a virtual whirlwind of he said/she said, opinions, analysis and thoughtful and not so thoughtful inspection of all aspects of this particular case and of the topic in general all over the internet.  Film biographer, Robert B. Weide posted an account on The Daily Beast of what he claims are all the details that everyone was getting so, so wrong about Mr. Woody Allen and his relationships with the women and children in his life 20+ years ago.

"Twenty-one years after the first allegations that Woody Allen abused his adopted daughter, that incident is back in the news thanks to the director’s ex-partner, Mia Farrow, and estranged son, Ronan Farrow. But what does a closer examination reveal?"

Seems to me a closer examination reveals more about corporate media and Hollywood going to bat for their stars and protecting the mighty, then it does about believing victims, protecting victims and providing any kind of justice for victims of sexual abuse at the hands of these "stars". Jennifer Pozner outlines corporate media's rapist problem in very great detail in this post for Salon.

"Whether it’s Pitchfork, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly, Vibe or even Jezebel promoting R. Kelly’s new “Black Panties” album without mentioning the allegations that he’s sexually assaulted dozens of adolescent black girls — or the Academy Awards giving a Best Director Oscar and a standing ovation to convicted pedophile rapist Roman Polanski — the music industry and the Hollywood film community just can’t stop enabling oh-so-talented predators."

One of the most powerful pieces that I read this week (and for better or for worse, the one that was the most triggering for me personally) was Andrea Grimes look at what exactly would make someone believe a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I can't really say much more about it other than I called my therapist the next morning to book an appointment and simultaneously decided to take a wee break from social media for the rest of the month.

I know there are lots of those people—people who would give the benefit of the doubt to literally anyone besides a scared, confused child or an adult survivor just coming to terms with their past. I wonder why there are so many of those kinds of people who seem unable to, simply, listen to survivors without transporting themselves into some crudely imagined, hyperbolic Law & Order: SVU episode full of idealized victims and nefarious abusers.

 ~~~~~

On to lighter topics now....

2. Pussy Riot was on the Colbert Report this week. You'd think two years in a Russian prison would break someone's spirit. Apparently not if you are Nadya Tolokonnikova and Masha Alyokhin. It's a great interview to watch, especially as the ladies give as good as they get from Mr. Colbert, who had a hard time keeping a straight face at times.

~~~~~

3. You know I am a sucker for anything with boobs! Especially when those boobs are feeding babies. This little diddy from Australian  duo Sparrow Folk is sure to "ruin your day" (ie, MAKE your day!)

[youtube]http://youtu.be/-dw2XHMUnyE[/youtube]

~~~~~

4. Do you know about GIRL Rising? Well you should. And you should know that I will be talking a lot more about this incredible film and the upcoming screening of it in Edmonton on March 8th, which is also International Women's Day 2014. Watch the trailer below and look for a screening in your area too.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]

~~~~~

5. Who knew how much power women yield over all the poor menfolk out there, with the simple snip of a pair of scissors! JLaw cut her hair and the collective gasp from men was heard the world over. And now Felicia Day, poster-girl for geekdom, has done the same and this is NEWS people. A woman got a haircut and it is newsworthy.... just let that sink in for a minute.... thanks sexism!

~~~~~~~~~

Have a wonderful weekend and be kind to each other and to yourself,

N~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #15

I am calling this week's (return of) Feminist Fare Friday, "Things I Wish I had Written or Recorded".  All of these incredible women have beautiful voices (written and spoken) and I am happy to say that most of them I can call friend (some IRL, some of the internet kind and some I hope to one day meet and befriend).

~~~~~~~~~~

1. First up is this fabulous post by Shannon at The Radical Housewife. Seems I am not the only one who got struck with the too busy to blog bug over the holidays. Luckily Shannon was able to sum up all the shenanigans that happened, especially on Twitter, and managed to wrap it all up in a "how to be a white lady feminist and not stick your foot in it" pretty sparkly bow!

I’m a cis-gendered, middle-class, hetero white feminist lady.  Does it hurt when call-out culture calls ME out?  OH MY GAWD YES.  Of course it hurts. It hurts so much that against my better judgment I want to get out my Diversity Bingo card and wave it around (if you’re a white liberal like me, you have one, even though it embarrasses you to admit it). 

 ~~~~~

2. I think most of us bloggers  have developed somewhat of a tough skin. We kind of have to in this realm where we put "it" out there for all to read and expect a certain amount of discourse, the good and the bad. For the most part it is easy to ignore the "haters" and use the delete button with impunity when someone comes into our space and spouts off. Every once in a while though, a button gets pushed and one has to respond. This week Avital at The Mamafesto got her button pushed and she responded in the most wonderful and brilliant way. 'Cause that's how she rolls, yo! (And her kid is pretty darn awesome too!)

I’ve written before about how the rigid constructs of gender have only frustrated my son, who – at 7 – cares for many things that are typically considered more “girly.” Because of that, he still gets confused for a girl regularly. For a while that bothered him, but more recently he’s decided he is fine with it. He is comfortable and proud that he’s a boy, and understands that his likes/dislikes do not define him, much to the confusion of many adults he encounters.

 ~~~~~

3. In the last FFF post, I wrote about my friend Joanne Minaker doing her debut TEDx talk last month at TEDx Garneau Women and the video is finally up on Youtube and the TEDx site. You can also read more from Joanne about her new endeavours to create a Care*Full world. And I am with you lady! I am so proud to call you my friend and an incredible example of how to truly practice what one preaches.

 [youtube]http://youtu.be/DRUPRF5SnxE[/youtube]

~~~~~

4. Of course I do not know Chimamamda Adichie, but in my mind, I think we would be great friends. And I needed to hear this from my imaginary author/story teller/feminist friend this week. The Single Story. Really think about this. Think about how much we judge everyone around us based on the singular story that we know about them and how much harm this does to us all...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/D9Ihs241zeg[/youtube]

~~~~~

*Bonus Recommendation - "The Motherload". This new documentary from the CBC is a brutally honest look at what the reality is for working mothers in North America in the 21st century. From trying to "have it all" to barely getting by, it profiles Canadian and American women from different walks of life navigating the expectations of everyone around them. The question is, at what cost?

Seriously, please take 30 minutes out of your day and watch it. One particular quote from the show really hit home for me:

"...in the feminist fight for equality, something was left out of the equation: children."

Have a wonderful weekend everyone,

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #14

"You can't be what you can't see."~Miriam Wright Edelman

Last night I attended my first TEDx event called Landscape-Changing Women. It was organized by two ambitious women in Edmonton and was by all accounts a huge success. The highlight of the night for me was hearing and seeing my friend Joanne Minaker up on the stage talking about the importance of Care in our society-she was (and is) brilliant!. From December 4-6 the TEDWomen2013 conference is taking place in San Francisco and more than 58 countries are also joining in with independent TEDxWomen events of their own.

I said in my last post that the landscape is changing and that our time is coming for a more effective feminist revolution. I don't believe that I am wrong, and I am inspired by all the TEDWomen events happening around the world this week, but as you can see from the examples below, we have A LOT more work to do.

~~~~~~~~~~

1. Emilie Graslie is smart. Not a smart girl, not smart for a girl. She is just really, really, smart. And she has a great educational Youtube channel called "The Brain Scoop". On it she talks about all kinds of cool, interesting and amazing topics that she comes across through her work at The Field Museum in Chicago. Emilie also reads all of the comments on her Youtube page and has a few things to say about that too...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNt7ZLY0Kc&feature=share&list=UUkyfHZ6bY2TjqbJhiH8Y2QQ&index=1[/youtube]

~~~~~

2. And while we are on the topic of women in media, the people at The Representation Project put together this video showing us where the media got it right and where they got it so, so wrong time and again this past year.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/NswJ4kO9uHc[/youtube]

~~~~~

3. We all need to use some stock photography now and then (or you should be using and paying for it, stealing other people's photos is not good). I personally like istockphoto. The folks at NY Mag put together this somewhat hilarious slideshow of stock photos all meant to show us "how to be a feminist". Once again this serves to further prove the point about how women are misrepresented in all kinds of media. And clearly, I don't have enough boxing gloves, ladders, folders or X-rays in my feminist get-up!

~~~~~

4. Take 5 minutes to watch this. And then know that literally 100% of the images of women that you see in advertising and in most magazines are altered. There is absolutely NO possible way for any human woman to "look just like {insert ideal perfect woman here}".

[youtube]http://youtu.be/jWKXit_3rpQ[/youtube]

~~~~~

5. We are taking our kids and their cousins to see "Frozen" after school gets out for winter break. I am not sure who is more excited about this, me or them?! From what I have read about the movie so far, and from what the majority of my friends have said about it, it is a FANTASTIC movie! According to Amanda Rodriguez at Bitch Flicks, it is also Disney's first foray into feminism! AND, slight spoiler alert, it passes the Bechdel Test in the first five minutes of the film. I'll save my full review for after I actually see the movie, but YAY! for Disney (of all media outlets, really) for finally starting to get with the program!

~~~~~

Have you read or watched something that you think I should include in an upcoming edition of Feminist Fare Friday?  Send me the link via Twitter or on the Stay at Home Feminist Facebook page.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #13

...took a little break last week.

I apologize, I think it must have been all of the shovelling that I had to do thanks to an early Alberta Snowmageddon! I was TUCKERED out all week long. On top of the snow, I had an on again, off again stomach flu-y, sick kid, which is why, parents of the world, I can not stress enough how important it is to tech your kids how to use a puke bucket EARLY in life!

On that note, here is a little bit of what the femisphere has spit out in the past week or so...

~~~~~~~~~~

1. Girls like to build things. Last week (and just in time for holiday shopping) the Goldieblox video was everywhere! Amidst all the RA! RA! GIRL POWER!! posts, there were some that brought up deeper issues regarding gendered toy marketing and girls in STEM and it is these reasons that are part of  why, while I like the product and the idea behind it, I am still somewhat disillusioned by the flaxen-haired, perfect little Goldie who is the one doing the building. Seems I am not the only one not buying into the hype of this toy and a lot of kids are just not that into it. Not only that, but this week, we learned that the marketing team used the music from the Beastie Boys song "Girls" without permission for the commercial that sparked all this discussion and is now in a legal battle with the band. Either way this goes, I don't think we'll be getting a Goldieblox at the SAHF house - we build lots with Lego and blocks and whatever else the kids find that works around here. And like one parent commented about the toy,

"...it is very unlikely that we will be able to buy our way to equality." 

2. #FeministSelfies. Last week the folks at Oxford Dictionary unveiled that "SELFIE" was the 2013 world of the year. And then the fine folks at Jezebel, decided to publish a post examining the phenomenon and the writer concluded that selfies are an insecure lady's cry for help!  {Insert collective internet eye-roll here.} And then insert totally awesome #FeministSelfies here.... 'cause when someone writes something particularly asinine on the internet, we feminist types like to respond with a hashtag (thanks to @thewayoftheid and @convergecollide for this one) and TAKE OVER the interwebs! I added my own particular "cry for help" and posted 13 (THIRTEEN!) selfies. We are all beautiful people and it's more than OK to celebrate that! Or to just be silly and post funny faces on the internet --- because we can!

3. How to be a good feminist. This infuriating debate is ever ongoing. Women live in a damned if you do, damned if you don't world and the only common denominator seems to just BE DAMNED! I read Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's "I'm a half-arsed, accidental feminist.." article in The Guardian this week and while I don't agree with her "Who has time for all of this, it's just all TOO HARD!" kind of thinking, I understand her frustrations with the feminist movement.

"The constant litany of "you're doing it wrong" is dispiriting.

It's been a huge struggle coming into this movement as a young woman. All the ideological quibbling at that debate, for example, meant that such topics as sexual and domestic violence and the pay gap went undiscussed, as they are going undiscussed here now again. I fear sometimes that feminism will never have any mass appeal. There are some people who I truly believe don't want to share it. Because it is a movement centred around oppression, there are a lot of angry people involved in it. I am not saying that that anger is not righteous. I became more interested in feminism myself after I was attacked by a man. But such anger can be alienating.

The in-fighting and the vitriol are turnoffs to a new generation."

4. Michelle Obama was called a "feminist nightmare" this week and I had coffee with a friend yesterday who has a hard time telling people that she is a full-time Stay-at-Home Mom. Both of these occurrences have lit my brain on fire and as such, they deserve a whole post all on their own. Stay tuned folks, I'll address these issues and some of #3 as well. It's coming soon and it may not be pretty....

In the mean time...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. And Happy Chanukah-Thanksgiving-Thanksgivukah to all those celebrating family and friends and love and light!

Cheers,

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #12

I can't believe it is Friday already! Short weeks confuse me. As do a lot of other rather simple things, but that is a post for another day...  Let's get on with this weeks dose of Feminist Fare!

~~~~~~~~~~

1. I am a child of the 80's and 90's. I grew up listening to records of ABBA and Pat Benatar and mix tapes recorded off the radio and then watching the corresponding music videos via Video Hits and Good Rockin' Tonight on our three-channel television after school. I have always been a fan of the music video genre and spent most of a day a few weeks ago introducing my 7 year old to the wonders of Michael Jackson's music and epic 15 minute long videos (Thriller was his favourite).

These days it's more difficult to find music videos that my kids can watch without me having to answer questions like: "Mom, why are they being so inappropriate?" or "Mom, I can totally see her bum in that outfit." or "Mom, why is she licking that hammer?" or "Mom, why does that guy keep grabbing his crotch?" (although to be fair, I got this one with all of MJ's videos too).

Why all the video talk? Because this week, Lily Allen came back to the music scene (after a babies-making hiatus) with her new single "Hard Out Here" and its video release. I first noticed it on Twitter being touted (tweeted) as "a fabulous feminist take-down of all things sexist in pop music these days". So of course I clicked on the link and watched the video. I tweeted that link once and left it at that for the night... I was having mixed feelings about the video and I couldn't quiet get to that place of  "RA-RA FEMINISTS RULE!" that some on the internet were going on and on about.

Something about it just wasn't sitting well with me...

I woke up the next morning and read this post from We Geeked This and then it all solidified in my brain. The video didn't actually take down the racist parts of pop culture and I realized that you can't satirize something like objectification of Women of Colour with simply MORE objectification of said women.

"What if we looked at Lilly Allen’s video and instead of saying,

“it IS ‘Feminism’ because she is fighting ‘The Patriarchy’ and that’s the only thing that matters!”

We said,

“I wish she hadn’t perpetuated the oppression of WoC in her attempts to express her own feminist sentiments”?

I’m not talking about a master feminist plan, I’m not asking Lilly Allen for one, but I am trying to hold her accountable–because I do believe she is a feminist and therefore is interested in fighting women’s oppression in myriad forms–for what she has produced, both good and bad."

Much more has been said and written about Ms. Allen and her new video and I highly recommend you read both Jessica Wakeman's piece from The Frisky and also Black In Asia's in depth analysis of the video as well. MUCH food for thought with this one.

Now... back to finding music videos to show my children. Ones that don't perpetuate these sexist OR racist stereotypes. Wish me luck!

~~~~~

2. We don't need feminism anymore. Stop it already, ladies, you can vote now, you've won! Feminism is hurting all the menfolk! And now...

"...feminism elevates women at the expense of men"  "... its agenda to validate women emasculates us guys".

This is the first line of a post by Micah J. Murray at redemptionpictures.com. Now GO and read the rest of his post. (And for the first time EVER, I want you to read the comments-at least the first few. They are PRICELESS!)

~~~~~

3. And because sometimes, the internet is a really, really wonderful place and it is for those moments of pure awesome that I stick around, I give you #BATKID! And all the amazing and awesome people in San Fransisco (AKA Gotham City) who are making his Make-a-Wish dream come true today!

Follow along on the ABC News livestream to feel ALL THE FEELINGS today (and have some tissues handy!)

nananana-nananana BATKID!!! 

~~~~~

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #11

I just want to say it. AGAIN. I really do not like Daylight Savings Time. Why must we still have this in our world? Why can't we just do this?  Parents all over North America would get on board with this. I guarantee it! And I wouldn't have felt so damn tired all week, barely able to read anything, let alone write (which I had intended to do, what with it being #NaBloPoMo and all.) As you can see though, all was not totally lost to DST and the internet did not disappoint this week with it's juicy selection of feminist fare!

~~~~~~~~~~

1. It is not even the end of the first week of November and it is that time of year. ALREADY!! Christmas decorations are all over the malls, the box sets of gifts are out at all the stores and kids all over North America will soon be combing through the famous Christmas Wish Books. And if  you happen to have a boy who loves to cook, or who sees his dad taking care of his baby sister and wants to be just like him, or a girl who wants to be a crane operator, we can only hope that this is the year that toy manufacturers get with the program and stop the BIG GENDER DIVIDE that does no one any good.  Because although we hear about the incredible marketing that is targeted at our impressionable daughters on the pink and girly side of the toy store, we tend to forget about or are not as aware of the bigger and more insidious marketing that is actually happening to our boys. Joanne at Let Toys be Toys takes a closer look at this phenomenon and how toy manufacturers and marketers continue to paint our children into very two-dimensional caricatures of what it means to be male and female.

Judging by the comments that flood the Internet every time a well-meaning parent dresses their son in a tutu, it would appear that what we fear most is that any boy allowed to indulge in a traditionally girly pursuit will become, yes you’ve guessed it, gay! Aside from the obvious retorts of “So what? ” and “Kindly take your homophobia elsewhere!”, it does beg the observation that if heterosexual masculinity can be so easily steered astray by a bit of lippie and dress-up, then it wouldn’t appear to be quite so innate after all. In other words, if being a boy is so natural then stop telling my son how to be one.

~~~~~

2. And while we are on the subject of society dictating how exactly boys (and girls) should behave, this was sent to me by an old friend and I love it!  I plan on talking to my daughter (and my son for that matter) about her body JUST LIKE THIS...

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

~~~~~

3. Yes, yes, I know. I posted a video of Joss Whedon last week talking about why he writes strong women, but the dude just keeps saying the most thought provoking things. What do YOU think about his most recent talk at this year's Equality Now event? Are we done with this word? (If so, does that mean I am going to have to change my blog name... AGAIN!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmzlKHuuoI[/youtube]

~~~~~

4. As you can imagine, I follow/read quite a few awesome feminists online and in recent months have gotten an IMMENSE education about the history of feminism from some amazing feminist women of colour and from a perspective that I didn't know existed. I even wrote a somewhat naive, privileged white woman's "why can't we all just get along" post just a few months ago. And then I learned to shut up and listen. I read the #solidarityisforwhitewomen twitter stream and knew it to be true. So when scrolling through Twitter this past week and seeing the #BlackGirlsRock hashtag and BET awards show, I knew that it was a celebration that had nothing to do with me, but that many of my new online friends where very excited about and therefore I was too. Until some asshats decided to make a "what about the white girls" hashtag to, you know, EVEN things out a bit. Olivia Cole at Huffington Post responded to this despicable hashtag highjacking and I couldn't agree with her more even if I tried!

"...your face is everywhere. Your people are everywhere. What in your heart recoils when you see Black Girls Rock? What bone in your body sees empowerment for black girls and thinks "that's not fair"? Where is your bitterness rooted? What do you think has been taken from you when women of color are uplifted?

All of the things you take for granted are what you're protecting when you shout down Black Girls Rock: your whiteness, the system that upholds your face as the supreme standard of beauty, your place in the center of a culture that demands people of color remain hidden in the margins, present but only barely and never overshadowing the white hero/heroine. Your discomfort with black girls who rock tells me that you prefer the status quo: you prefer for black faces to remain hidden..."

~~~~~

5. And finally, I love Google. I really do. Ask it anything and BAM! Your answer is there. Often Google autofills in your questions/queries for you... (based on lists of previously typed queries from other Google users). For the most part this is a good thing. Until it really isn't...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/4SvePcldZgY[/youtube]

~~~~~

So much farther to go... so much more to fight for.

Have a great weekend everyone!

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #10

Halloween is done, my husband came home yesterday to end my solo-parenting stint, birthday presents are bought and wrapped for this weekend's party (there is seriously one a week for us in Oct/Nov/Dec!) and I am finally sitting down today to write the weekly Feminist Fare round up. So while I know it is late on a Friday night, here are the posts and videos that caught my eye this past week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. In case you don't know this already. I am a HUGE Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. I own the box set of the series and named my dog after Willow. And while I loved the Buffy-Angel relationship, my true love of the show was the darker Buffy-Spike dynamic. It spoke to the bad-boy lover in me. I could go on and on and on here... but, let me actually get to my point... and that is, that I think Joss Whedon is a genius. Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity... this man writes kick-ass stuff people (and a lot of it involves really strong female characters), and it seems that whenever he is on a press junket, reporters have one particular question for him. Here are his replies to this much repeated query...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/cYaczoJMRhs[/youtube]

~~~~~

2. I am not sure how much more "Listen up girlies, don't get drunk so you don't get raped" bullshit I can read anymore. If a dude got so blitzed that he could hardly walk home and then got mugged would anyone be telling him that he deserved it? That he shouldn't have had that last half-dozen beers? Probably not. Add to this the Men's Rights Group claiming that men are just as much victims of false-accusations as women are of rape (or that rape-culture doesn't even exist!) and it is enough to make a girl want to... oh, I don't know, get REALLY, REALLY drunk and forget that this is the world that she lives in and is raising her children in!

~~~~~

3. And really, on that note. I have nothing better (or worse?) to leave you with than this amazing, painful, powerful, and haunting spoken word poetry...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zgQRkHcEyq8[/youtube]

~~~~~

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #9

It's a short one this week. I am recovering from taking care of everyone else who was recovering from various stages of stomach bug and between washing every towel and bed sheet in the house and wiping all variety of bodily fluids off of everyone, the internet and all it's fabulous feminist fare took a back seat to family this week. Due to the sheer exhaustion that made me fall asleep on my poor, poor husband last night, all you're getting today is this wonderful gem. (I hope you are not as disappointed as he was.) [youtube]http://youtu.be/IbXfrZt-6pw[/youtube]

I sure do miss SCTV.

Have a great (healthy) weekend everyone!

natasha~