Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #13

...took a little break last week.

I apologize, I think it must have been all of the shovelling that I had to do thanks to an early Alberta Snowmageddon! I was TUCKERED out all week long. On top of the snow, I had an on again, off again stomach flu-y, sick kid, which is why, parents of the world, I can not stress enough how important it is to tech your kids how to use a puke bucket EARLY in life!

On that note, here is a little bit of what the femisphere has spit out in the past week or so...

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1. Girls like to build things. Last week (and just in time for holiday shopping) the Goldieblox video was everywhere! Amidst all the RA! RA! GIRL POWER!! posts, there were some that brought up deeper issues regarding gendered toy marketing and girls in STEM and it is these reasons that are part of  why, while I like the product and the idea behind it, I am still somewhat disillusioned by the flaxen-haired, perfect little Goldie who is the one doing the building. Seems I am not the only one not buying into the hype of this toy and a lot of kids are just not that into it. Not only that, but this week, we learned that the marketing team used the music from the Beastie Boys song "Girls" without permission for the commercial that sparked all this discussion and is now in a legal battle with the band. Either way this goes, I don't think we'll be getting a Goldieblox at the SAHF house - we build lots with Lego and blocks and whatever else the kids find that works around here. And like one parent commented about the toy,

"...it is very unlikely that we will be able to buy our way to equality." 

2. #FeministSelfies. Last week the folks at Oxford Dictionary unveiled that "SELFIE" was the 2013 world of the year. And then the fine folks at Jezebel, decided to publish a post examining the phenomenon and the writer concluded that selfies are an insecure lady's cry for help!  {Insert collective internet eye-roll here.} And then insert totally awesome #FeministSelfies here.... 'cause when someone writes something particularly asinine on the internet, we feminist types like to respond with a hashtag (thanks to @thewayoftheid and @convergecollide for this one) and TAKE OVER the interwebs! I added my own particular "cry for help" and posted 13 (THIRTEEN!) selfies. We are all beautiful people and it's more than OK to celebrate that! Or to just be silly and post funny faces on the internet --- because we can!

3. How to be a good feminist. This infuriating debate is ever ongoing. Women live in a damned if you do, damned if you don't world and the only common denominator seems to just BE DAMNED! I read Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's "I'm a half-arsed, accidental feminist.." article in The Guardian this week and while I don't agree with her "Who has time for all of this, it's just all TOO HARD!" kind of thinking, I understand her frustrations with the feminist movement.

"The constant litany of "you're doing it wrong" is dispiriting.

It's been a huge struggle coming into this movement as a young woman. All the ideological quibbling at that debate, for example, meant that such topics as sexual and domestic violence and the pay gap went undiscussed, as they are going undiscussed here now again. I fear sometimes that feminism will never have any mass appeal. There are some people who I truly believe don't want to share it. Because it is a movement centred around oppression, there are a lot of angry people involved in it. I am not saying that that anger is not righteous. I became more interested in feminism myself after I was attacked by a man. But such anger can be alienating.

The in-fighting and the vitriol are turnoffs to a new generation."

4. Michelle Obama was called a "feminist nightmare" this week and I had coffee with a friend yesterday who has a hard time telling people that she is a full-time Stay-at-Home Mom. Both of these occurrences have lit my brain on fire and as such, they deserve a whole post all on their own. Stay tuned folks, I'll address these issues and some of #3 as well. It's coming soon and it may not be pretty....

In the mean time...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. And Happy Chanukah-Thanksgiving-Thanksgivukah to all those celebrating family and friends and love and light!

Cheers,

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #12

I can't believe it is Friday already! Short weeks confuse me. As do a lot of other rather simple things, but that is a post for another day...  Let's get on with this weeks dose of Feminist Fare!

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1. I am a child of the 80's and 90's. I grew up listening to records of ABBA and Pat Benatar and mix tapes recorded off the radio and then watching the corresponding music videos via Video Hits and Good Rockin' Tonight on our three-channel television after school. I have always been a fan of the music video genre and spent most of a day a few weeks ago introducing my 7 year old to the wonders of Michael Jackson's music and epic 15 minute long videos (Thriller was his favourite).

These days it's more difficult to find music videos that my kids can watch without me having to answer questions like: "Mom, why are they being so inappropriate?" or "Mom, I can totally see her bum in that outfit." or "Mom, why is she licking that hammer?" or "Mom, why does that guy keep grabbing his crotch?" (although to be fair, I got this one with all of MJ's videos too).

Why all the video talk? Because this week, Lily Allen came back to the music scene (after a babies-making hiatus) with her new single "Hard Out Here" and its video release. I first noticed it on Twitter being touted (tweeted) as "a fabulous feminist take-down of all things sexist in pop music these days". So of course I clicked on the link and watched the video. I tweeted that link once and left it at that for the night... I was having mixed feelings about the video and I couldn't quiet get to that place of  "RA-RA FEMINISTS RULE!" that some on the internet were going on and on about.

Something about it just wasn't sitting well with me...

I woke up the next morning and read this post from We Geeked This and then it all solidified in my brain. The video didn't actually take down the racist parts of pop culture and I realized that you can't satirize something like objectification of Women of Colour with simply MORE objectification of said women.

"What if we looked at Lilly Allen’s video and instead of saying,

“it IS ‘Feminism’ because she is fighting ‘The Patriarchy’ and that’s the only thing that matters!”

We said,

“I wish she hadn’t perpetuated the oppression of WoC in her attempts to express her own feminist sentiments”?

I’m not talking about a master feminist plan, I’m not asking Lilly Allen for one, but I am trying to hold her accountable–because I do believe she is a feminist and therefore is interested in fighting women’s oppression in myriad forms–for what she has produced, both good and bad."

Much more has been said and written about Ms. Allen and her new video and I highly recommend you read both Jessica Wakeman's piece from The Frisky and also Black In Asia's in depth analysis of the video as well. MUCH food for thought with this one.

Now... back to finding music videos to show my children. Ones that don't perpetuate these sexist OR racist stereotypes. Wish me luck!

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2. We don't need feminism anymore. Stop it already, ladies, you can vote now, you've won! Feminism is hurting all the menfolk! And now...

"...feminism elevates women at the expense of men"  "... its agenda to validate women emasculates us guys".

This is the first line of a post by Micah J. Murray at redemptionpictures.com. Now GO and read the rest of his post. (And for the first time EVER, I want you to read the comments-at least the first few. They are PRICELESS!)

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3. And because sometimes, the internet is a really, really wonderful place and it is for those moments of pure awesome that I stick around, I give you #BATKID! And all the amazing and awesome people in San Fransisco (AKA Gotham City) who are making his Make-a-Wish dream come true today!

Follow along on the ABC News livestream to feel ALL THE FEELINGS today (and have some tissues handy!)

nananana-nananana BATKID!!! 

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Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #11

I just want to say it. AGAIN. I really do not like Daylight Savings Time. Why must we still have this in our world? Why can't we just do this?  Parents all over North America would get on board with this. I guarantee it! And I wouldn't have felt so damn tired all week, barely able to read anything, let alone write (which I had intended to do, what with it being #NaBloPoMo and all.) As you can see though, all was not totally lost to DST and the internet did not disappoint this week with it's juicy selection of feminist fare!

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1. It is not even the end of the first week of November and it is that time of year. ALREADY!! Christmas decorations are all over the malls, the box sets of gifts are out at all the stores and kids all over North America will soon be combing through the famous Christmas Wish Books. And if  you happen to have a boy who loves to cook, or who sees his dad taking care of his baby sister and wants to be just like him, or a girl who wants to be a crane operator, we can only hope that this is the year that toy manufacturers get with the program and stop the BIG GENDER DIVIDE that does no one any good.  Because although we hear about the incredible marketing that is targeted at our impressionable daughters on the pink and girly side of the toy store, we tend to forget about or are not as aware of the bigger and more insidious marketing that is actually happening to our boys. Joanne at Let Toys be Toys takes a closer look at this phenomenon and how toy manufacturers and marketers continue to paint our children into very two-dimensional caricatures of what it means to be male and female.

Judging by the comments that flood the Internet every time a well-meaning parent dresses their son in a tutu, it would appear that what we fear most is that any boy allowed to indulge in a traditionally girly pursuit will become, yes you’ve guessed it, gay! Aside from the obvious retorts of “So what? ” and “Kindly take your homophobia elsewhere!”, it does beg the observation that if heterosexual masculinity can be so easily steered astray by a bit of lippie and dress-up, then it wouldn’t appear to be quite so innate after all. In other words, if being a boy is so natural then stop telling my son how to be one.

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2. And while we are on the subject of society dictating how exactly boys (and girls) should behave, this was sent to me by an old friend and I love it!  I plan on talking to my daughter (and my son for that matter) about her body JUST LIKE THIS...

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

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3. Yes, yes, I know. I posted a video of Joss Whedon last week talking about why he writes strong women, but the dude just keeps saying the most thought provoking things. What do YOU think about his most recent talk at this year's Equality Now event? Are we done with this word? (If so, does that mean I am going to have to change my blog name... AGAIN!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmzlKHuuoI[/youtube]

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4. As you can imagine, I follow/read quite a few awesome feminists online and in recent months have gotten an IMMENSE education about the history of feminism from some amazing feminist women of colour and from a perspective that I didn't know existed. I even wrote a somewhat naive, privileged white woman's "why can't we all just get along" post just a few months ago. And then I learned to shut up and listen. I read the #solidarityisforwhitewomen twitter stream and knew it to be true. So when scrolling through Twitter this past week and seeing the #BlackGirlsRock hashtag and BET awards show, I knew that it was a celebration that had nothing to do with me, but that many of my new online friends where very excited about and therefore I was too. Until some asshats decided to make a "what about the white girls" hashtag to, you know, EVEN things out a bit. Olivia Cole at Huffington Post responded to this despicable hashtag highjacking and I couldn't agree with her more even if I tried!

"...your face is everywhere. Your people are everywhere. What in your heart recoils when you see Black Girls Rock? What bone in your body sees empowerment for black girls and thinks "that's not fair"? Where is your bitterness rooted? What do you think has been taken from you when women of color are uplifted?

All of the things you take for granted are what you're protecting when you shout down Black Girls Rock: your whiteness, the system that upholds your face as the supreme standard of beauty, your place in the center of a culture that demands people of color remain hidden in the margins, present but only barely and never overshadowing the white hero/heroine. Your discomfort with black girls who rock tells me that you prefer the status quo: you prefer for black faces to remain hidden..."

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5. And finally, I love Google. I really do. Ask it anything and BAM! Your answer is there. Often Google autofills in your questions/queries for you... (based on lists of previously typed queries from other Google users). For the most part this is a good thing. Until it really isn't...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/4SvePcldZgY[/youtube]

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So much farther to go... so much more to fight for.

Have a great weekend everyone!

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #10

Halloween is done, my husband came home yesterday to end my solo-parenting stint, birthday presents are bought and wrapped for this weekend's party (there is seriously one a week for us in Oct/Nov/Dec!) and I am finally sitting down today to write the weekly Feminist Fare round up. So while I know it is late on a Friday night, here are the posts and videos that caught my eye this past week.

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1. In case you don't know this already. I am a HUGE Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. I own the box set of the series and named my dog after Willow. And while I loved the Buffy-Angel relationship, my true love of the show was the darker Buffy-Spike dynamic. It spoke to the bad-boy lover in me. I could go on and on and on here... but, let me actually get to my point... and that is, that I think Joss Whedon is a genius. Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity... this man writes kick-ass stuff people (and a lot of it involves really strong female characters), and it seems that whenever he is on a press junket, reporters have one particular question for him. Here are his replies to this much repeated query...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/cYaczoJMRhs[/youtube]

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2. I am not sure how much more "Listen up girlies, don't get drunk so you don't get raped" bullshit I can read anymore. If a dude got so blitzed that he could hardly walk home and then got mugged would anyone be telling him that he deserved it? That he shouldn't have had that last half-dozen beers? Probably not. Add to this the Men's Rights Group claiming that men are just as much victims of false-accusations as women are of rape (or that rape-culture doesn't even exist!) and it is enough to make a girl want to... oh, I don't know, get REALLY, REALLY drunk and forget that this is the world that she lives in and is raising her children in!

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3. And really, on that note. I have nothing better (or worse?) to leave you with than this amazing, painful, powerful, and haunting spoken word poetry...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zgQRkHcEyq8[/youtube]

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Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Natasha~

Happy {Feminist} Halloween!

I just couldn't wait until Friday to share this amazing little piece of holiday Halloween brilliance. These four beautiful wordsmiths blow this one right out of the park.

Enjoy!

[youtube]http://youtu.be/jXk3uhlhAVY[/youtube]

Happy Halloween to all of you MotherF****ing Monsters!!

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #9

It's a short one this week. I am recovering from taking care of everyone else who was recovering from various stages of stomach bug and between washing every towel and bed sheet in the house and wiping all variety of bodily fluids off of everyone, the internet and all it's fabulous feminist fare took a back seat to family this week. Due to the sheer exhaustion that made me fall asleep on my poor, poor husband last night, all you're getting today is this wonderful gem. (I hope you are not as disappointed as he was.) [youtube]http://youtu.be/IbXfrZt-6pw[/youtube]

I sure do miss SCTV.

Have a great (healthy) weekend everyone!

natasha~

skinny mirrors, curves and entitlement.

I am washing my hands in the washroom of a greasy spoon diner.

I look up and see myself in the mirror.

I back up a few steps to get a better look at all of me and the outfit of the day.

Hmm... not bad.

And then I decide that this must be one of those 'skinny mirrors'.

..............

This is what it has come to. I am a 41 year old woman, pretty secure in who and what I am and I still have a hard time looking at myself in a mirror without sucking in my cheeks, holding by breath as I suck in my  belly and standing up on my tippy toes to create something that I have been taught to believe everyone else thinks is beautiful.

If I do happen to think that I look nice on any particular day, my automatic assumption isn't "Natasha- YOU are beautiful!" it is "what's wrong with this mirror?".

How's that for some messed up thinking?

And I am not sure how, but this insidious thinking is seeping into my little girl's brain too. Yesterday we were getting ready to go outside to do some yard work and she wanted to wear one of her skirts. I said no, that she needed to change into pants. She proceeded to dramatically crumple to the ground in tears claiming that if she was to wear pants that "no one will think I am beautiful!" My BRILLIANT response? "Don't worry honey, Mommy is wearing sweats, so I am not beautiful today either." Thank goodness parenting is a two-person job in our house, as my husband quickly came to the rescue before I inadvertently killed all her self-esteem and said "EVERYONE here is beautiful, we need to wear pants to stay warm. End of story."  Logic, that's what my husband brings to the party.

It is no secret that we have a messed up vision of what beauty is in our society. Fashion magazines, TV commercials, giant billboards, all of these things are bombarding us on a daily basis and no matter how hard we try to block it out, this kind of marketing, this perpetual visual reminder of all the "beautiful people" gets into our brains. And into the brains of our little ones too.

Last week the talented, hilarious and beautiful actress Melissa McCarthy was featured on the cover of ELLE magazine in their 'Women in Hollywood' issue. She was photographed in one of fall's hot trends, the oversized jacket and the internet went bonkers! Why? Because she was TOO covered up! Because the photographer did not highlight her curves. Because it can't be a cover shot if there is no skin showing DAMNIT!!

I get it. I get that this is not what we are accustomed to seeing on the cover of magazines. We're used to seeing the thin women in barely there outfits with every supposed 'flaw', every extra pound, every wrinkle, zit, or oversized pore airbrushed to oblivion, (mis)representing the "beautiful people". We all then compare ourselves to this flawless (and photoshopped) ideal that we inevitably are never able to measure up to, you know, because we are not all made from the same human perfection mold.

I looked at that shot of Melissa and thought, 'DAMN girl, you look amazing!' I felt more of a kinship to someone on the cover of a fashion mag than I have in a long time. And then I read a bunch of articles shaming ELLE for covering her up, and tweets from people wanting to see more skin, more of her body and all I could think was how seriously EFF'ed up a society we are that we feel somehow ENTITLED to a woman's body and cheated when we don't get to see as much of it as we want!

I know that the point of all the internet hullabaloo is the double standard. That the thinner women get the skimpy outfits and the full-figured women get covered up. That seems to be the message and the point that everyone from xoJane to HuffPo to Slate and beyond are making in their critique of the cover, but I think this issue goes deeper than that. How is it that somehow if a full-figured woman is in a magazine that she automatically becomes the poster child for curvy ladies everywhere? You don't think that these same media outlets and all the folks demanding to see more of her curves wouldn't be as critical (in a totally different way of course) if she was photographed in a swimsuit?

And do I have to point out as well, that not two weeks before everyone was all, "OMG, don't cover up Melissa, we should see more of her", EVERYONE was telling Miley to "PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON GIRL!!" It seems that we just can't win, so matter what size we are or how much or little we are wearing.

I am a curvy girl, I've got the proverbial junk in my trunk, a 32F bra size and somewhat of a leftover belly from having my babies.  And I can tell you that I feel ten times sexier rocking an oversized sweater, jeans and a gorgeous pair of boots, or a maxi dress with some awesome earrings than I ever do in a bathing suit or a skin tight dress that is supposed to "celebrate" all those luscious curves of mine. I know that I would much rather define my beauty according to my standards and comfort in my own skin, than one dictated by a messed up society looking for some skin and a bit more cleavage!

I also have a daughter who, although she shares my husbands and my DNA equally, is my physical mini-clone. And she is the most beautiful creature I have ever set my eyes on. There is no way I am going to let her believe that there is only one way to be beautiful and I am going to make damn sure she knows that no one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE is entitled to seeing, touching or being privy to any part of her body at any time in her life. I don't care what magazine she may or may not eventually be gracing the cover of (crosses all the things and hopes it is Forbes).

Love yourselves my fellow beautiful women, and know that NO, that is not a "skinny mirror", that is all you baby, no airbrushing required!

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #8

I am very sorry, it's been two weeks since I've served up some yummy feminist fare for you. As you can imagine, a lot has been going on in the feminist realm and I'll do my best to get myself {and you} up to speed and back on track. This is what happens when a certain 41-year old goes to a blogging conference and stays up carousing until 2 AM for three nights in a row. At my age, it takes exactly 10 days to recover and get one's head out of the fog that those three days created!! But, I did have a REALLY, really good time and you can read all about it here. Now, onto the good stuff.

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1. Last week the internet was all up in arms about a T-shirt.  Granted it was a masturbating, menstruating vagina t-shirt from American Apparel and artist Petra Collins, but still a simple t-shirt none the less. And while I am not about to go out and buy this particular t-shirt, I do get that it is art and art is meant to provoke. And really folks, there are a lot more crazy and WAY more offensive things put on t-shirts these days than a depiction of someone's lady parts. Now, if it wasn't enough that the internet went all bat-shit-crazy on Petra over her t-shirt, her Instagram account was recently deleted as well. Why exactly is still not clear, but Petra herself has some thoughts on why an image of part of her unaltered body (that contains no nudity) may have caused this level of online censorship to occur and it is making me feel very, very angry.

"Through this removal I really felt how strong of a distrust and hate we have towards female bodies. The deletion of my account felt like a physical act, like the public coming at me with a razor, sticking their finger down my throat, forcing me to cover up, forcing me to succumb to societies image of beauty. That these very real pressures we face everyday can turn into literal censorship."

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2. And while we are on the topic of the female body, I came across this powerful poetry reading last night from Lily Myers called "Shrinking Woman".

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zQucWXWXp3k[/youtube]

This piece really gave me pause, especially because I have a daughter and I don't want her to absorb that kind of "accidental inheritance" from me about food, about my body or hers or about how much space women are "allowed" to occupy in this world.

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3. It is that time of year yet again. Halloween. Or as I like to call it at our house, "Hallo-avoid every commercial store and costume EVER because MY 5 YEAR OLD IS NOT SEXY AND SPIDERGIRL DOESN'T WEAR A PINK TUTU-ween". Beth Greenfield at Yahoo Shine examines what kind of messages these over-prettified and hypersexualized costumes send to our children. HINT-not good ones!

“I think it says to girls that everything they do has to fit in one small box—because even if they don’t want to be a princess, the Spider Man costume looks like a princess,” developmental psychologist Christia Spears Brown, author of the forthcoming book “Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue,” tells Yahoo Shine. “It says, ‘Your gender is more important than the costume,’ and ‘Being a girl is the most important thing about you.’” 

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4. Privilege. It's a word we hear a lot these days. Gender privilege, race privilege, socio-ecomonic privilege, it's out there people and for a lot of folks, privilege is a really hard thing to truly grasp. Which when you think about it, is incredibly ironic and sad. I had an interesting experience last week talking to a middle-aged, middle-class white man about women being shamed for breastfeeding in public. Do you know what he said to me? He interrupted me, told me he can't even believe that this is an issue in our day and age and dismissed the problem outright. Here's the thing. I am a white, cis-gendered, middle-class woman. I HAVE privilege up the ying-yang! But not until that very moment when my experiences and that of so many other breastfeeding mothers was so summarily dismissed by someone who has privilege that I do not, did the whole concept of PRIVILEGE come to full fruition in my brain.

In feminism, no talk of privilege can exist without intersectionality coming into play and I know that for some this can seem like some kind of high-level academic feminist balderdash. I assure you it is not and in this incredibly honest piece from Winona Dimeo-Edigar at The Frisky, you will see why it's as fundamental to feminism as the basic premise that "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people".

"...I think a lot of white feminists are like me — our goals and values might be in the right place, but our privilege has insulated us to the need for intersectionality and the diverse concerns of the diverse group of women who make up the modern feminist movement. We want to keep feminism simple to achieve our goals, but we don’t realize that “keeping it simple” often means shutting out voices and experiences that don’t look like ours. If we want to be part of a strong, welcoming sisterhood, we must understand the effects of our privilege."

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5. And finally, it's October, or "Pinktober" according to KFC, the NFL, Chambord, Pilsbury and a whole slew of other brands and retailers cashing in on "raising awareness" for breast cancer and donating a mere pittance of the proceeds from all their pink merchandise to actual cancer research. Cancer is not pretty. It is not pink. It is not about "setting the tatas free" on a ridiculous no-bra day campaign.  It is painful and devastating and life-altering and women young and old are fighting for their lives against this beast. The public needs to see this side of breast cancer and that is what The Scar Project is doing with this striking photography series of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay.  It's not easy to look at these photos, but it puts a reality to breast cancer that the general public needs to see before heading out to buy another big pink garbage bin. Please donate directly to your local cancer societies or to any number of organizations that directly help cancer patients and survivors and avoid all the "pinkwashing" of this terrible disease.

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On that note, I wish you all a safe and wonderful weekend!

Peace,

natasha~