the strong one

I have always been the strong one.

The one who rides in and takes charge.

The one who keeps her head in a crisis.

The one who numbs herself and focuses on making sure everyone else is taken care of.

The one who knows all the big words used by the doctors and nurses.

The one who can read the monitors and know what all the numbers mean.

The one who asks the questions that no one else thinks about.

The one who will go to all the appointments and translate what it all means.

The one who will gently help them transition from one way of life to another.

I am the child, who became a mother.

Who is now the grown child standing beside a bed,

stroking her hair, kissing her forehead and taking care of her.

My mother.

And I don't know

if I am

strong enough

for this

just

yet.

world's toughest job - I don't have it!

Mother's Day is less than a month away. Cue all the cheesy videos, montages and clever ads telling you how motherhood is the hardest job in the world... and of course, the most rewarding one too. You'll probably tear up while watching these videos, you won't necessarily want to, but the magic of the ad-man is that they know how to get to you!

The most recent (and instantly viral - 1.5 million views as of today) of these videos is this one from CardStore.com describing and interviewing people for the position of Director of Operations at Rehtom, Inc., AKA, the toughest job in the world.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/HB3xM93rXbY[/youtube]

Here are a few quotes from the "interview" that really stuck out for me, and as a mother and current Director of Operations for my own household, I would like to address these points.

"Constantly on your feet, constantly bending over, a high level of stamina..."

Right now I am sitting on my butt at Starbucks drinking a chai latte. I've got my favourite Songza playlist playing in my earphones and sure, I may be bent over my laptop typing, but it's really not requiring a lot out of me. Motherhood is a marathon people, not a sprint. You've got to pace yourself. I am not sure where this "constantly on your feet and then bending over" imagery comes from (perhaps here), but it's just plain silly. I sit and play with my kids, I sit down for meals with my family (more on that in a bit), I took the "sleep when baby sleeps" message to heart and did just that. I am assuming the bending over is related to picking up little children, or picking up AFTER little children, but even in that regard, I'm pretty sure I have never been all, "Phew... this sure takes a lot of stamina!" (Unless it's picking up LEGO, that shit requires stamina, patience and a whole new SFK (safe-for-kids) vocabulary for when you step on it.) And I won't even start on moms who have mobility issues or are in wheelchairs... because obviously they need not apply!

"No, there are no breaks available."

Oh please. OK, fine, NO, there are no breaks from motherhood. Once a mother, always a mother. Yeah, yeah, I hear you, but know this, there are also choices in motherhood. There is the choice to be the martyr mom, the one who never does take a break, and who is constantly complaining about said lack of breaks, yet never does anything about that (hello - it's called self-care folks and it is a thing!). I think that the bigger problem here is that some people actually do look at motherhood like a JOB, as if it is something that has parameters to it. Like it is some kind of 18-year contract work that comes with a policy and procedures manual. I am here to tell you (and I probably don't need to if in fact you ARE a mother), there is no manual, AND THIS IS NOT A JOB. It is a life choice. Some call it a role or a vocation, others call it a biological imperative and some would even call it a divine plan. Whatever you call it, understand this, motherhood is not a job. You don't get your two 15 minutes breaks, a 45 minute lunch and overtime after you've put in your 37.5 hours per week. You do however, get to choose how and when you do take your breaks and recharge yourself and leave all that martyrdom behind!

"You can have lunch, after the associate has had their lunch."

I'll admit that yes, I do make sure that everyone else if fed before I feed myself. As all mothers know, this is often done out of necessity... to stave of the wrath of The Hangry Toddler. What I also do is insist on everyone sitting down together for at least one meal a day. In our house, that is dinner. We all contribute to this time together, whether it is choosing the meal, setting the table, or helping to prepare the food. Even when my kids were little and just starting to sit up and eat solid food, we did this with them at the table, as a family at meal times. The problem with the "feed everyone before you feed yourself" mentality is that, once the "associates" have eaten, they want to go and do other things and there is no time for you to eat. Then your left with the second most terrifying thing next to The Hangry Toddler, The Hangry {Over-Caffeinated} Mother.

"The candidate must have a degree in medicine, finance and the culinary arts."

I have a degree in laboratory medicine and one in business management. My husband actually does have a degree in medicine. Not one of these academic degrees gives either of us any more qualifications to be a mother or father than anyone else walking around with degrees is psychology, education, the fine arts, chemical engineering or what-have-you. Parenting is not a degree you earn. It is hands-on learning and perhaps what having a degree in ANYTHING does for parents, is give them the tools and skills to figure shit out! (A university or college degree is in now way a prerequisite here.) Parents need a good amount of critical thinking skills, a whole lot of "flying by the seat of your pants" skills and a good measure of imagination and improvisational skills too.  Add all of that up and maybe, just maybe you'll get an imaginary Doctorate in Parenting, but just remember that your advanced degree is primarily going to apply only to those attending the U of YOF (Your Own Family).

"If you had a life, we would ask that you give that life up."

This is the moment in the video that I wanted to say a big, Eff OFF! Mothers (and fathers) do not give up their lives when they have kids! They make choices, they make sacrifices, they grow. Their lives change, they don't END. Now, if by life, the video meant JOB or CAREER, then yes, some parents do give those up. This line of thinking just furthers the notion that a person is valued not by who they are, but by what they do for a living. And if you need a reminder of the value of a MOTHER, well, then this post could go on for a LONG time!

"No vacations. No time to sleep."

This is just a continuation of the no life thing. Guess what Moms, you CAN take vacations! You can take them with your kids and yes, you can even take them without the kids. Now, if you are like me, it may take you a few years to work up to the whole leaving the kids for more than a day thing, but I promise you it will be worth it and you can take baby steps all the way up to that lovely week long tropical getaway for you and your significant other or your closest girlfriends.

The whole sleep thing is a different story. All I have to say about this is that my kids are 5 and 7 and some nights I may not be sleeping in my own bed... BUT, I am sleeping. Do what works for you and yours and do try to get some sleep!

"The position is going to pay absolutely nothing. Completely pro bono."

The reaction of the interviewees to this information is spot on. Who in their right mind would accept a job as all encompassing as the one described and not expect to get paid and paid quite handsomely at that? NO ONE! No, not even a mother. Why? I'll say this again... slowly.

MOTHERHOOD.        IS.         NOT.       A.       JOB.

Yes, sometimes it is tedious. Sometimes it is drudgery and you feel like you are drowning under piles of laundry, dishes, toys and expectations. Sometimes you can't even remember the last time you ate, showered, or pee'd by yourself and/or behind a closed door. Most of the time the little things that you do all day, the things that actually make up your day are thankless tasks that no one notices but you. Even with all of this, it is still not a job.

You are not paid by the hour or have a yearly salary. There is no HR department for you to go complain to about your lack of break time or all the overtime you've been putting in without anyone acknowledging it or all the things that you do that were not in the "job description" (clean poop off of ceiling comes to mind for some reason). And above all, you do not get to go home after a long day "on the job".

This whole idea of motherhood martyrdom or the equally damaging deification of "capital M" mother is getting out of hand. It further pushes the value we place on mothers into a separate realm of unattainable or untouchable (and therefore immeasurable). It is not empowering, nor is it glorifying. All this kind of advertising does is turn motherhood into a commodity. Our lives become a simple thing that someone else can make a profit from simply by pushing some emotional buttons, and letting you know just how damn hard and unrewarding and relentless and all consuming this "job" is.

And in that regard, well done CardStore Ad agency, well done.

Now go and make your mother an effin' card, you ingrate!

(and put a BILLION dollars in it!)

Natasha~

Oh Hi! It's just me...  you know, sitting down "on the job"!

and he's off...

To Grade One that is.

A full day,

a very full backpack,

a mama's heart full of pride and love for her little man,

and about 25 retakes just to get one decent "Back to school" photo!

Seriously folks, six year olds and cameras = opportunity for all the faces!

This one is the keeper!

And yes, he has decided to be an illustrator. The kid has some mad drawing skillz folks!

I hope the first day of school (or non-school) was awesome for you and yours too!

Natasha~

What I REALLY did on my summer holidays...

So... remember back in June when I was all, "I am making a Summer Bucket list and we are going to do ALL THE THINGS??"  Yeah, well...

One week into summer holidays and I may have felt like this.

Ok, maybe not a huge mistake, but one that I needed to correct to ensure we all survived the summer (and each other!). Yes, that's right. We NEEDED a summer camp or two in between all our bucket listing to keep us from imploding and to give us all a slight break from each other.

I found two great programs that miraculously still had spots open and booked my kids in them as fast as I could type my credit card info onto the online registration page! Both programs were wonderful, the kids had a blast, they met new friends and learned a couple of new skills too. It was a win for us all.

Ah, but did we get to do all the things on our bucket list? That's the big question right? I am happy to say that for the most part, yes we did. Also, my kids like the simple things in life, so 'go to a movie' (Despicable Me 2), do a craft (lots of drawing happened this summer) and 'make friendship bracelets' (with their awesome babysitter) were easy ones to tick off the list.

C had a few on his list that we just didn't have the time or resources or know how to do, like learn to longboard, go fishing, and learn to play the ukelele, but we will definitely keep them on the list for the coming year. And L was all about spending time at our local spray park/playground, being a 'beach girl' on holidays and finally mastering the fine art of bike riding!

So, I don't know if I caved to the power and lure of the Summer Camp gods or what, but it's all kind of a moot point now. Summer is over, we all had fun, we made some great memories, I did not take enough pictures and school is back in session.

Now get to bed people!

Tomorrow is a big day.

natasha~

...................

I kind of wanted to take a break from my computer and social media for the weekend, but that is hard to do when one is supposed to be in a 30 day #SummerBlogChallenge.

So here is post one for tonight... there may be another...

In the meantime, please visit the other bloggers who are being much more vigilant than I with their daily posts.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita  ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy ~ Kim 

Time to grow up: My thoughts on urban sprawl

Last night I watched an episode of 'House Hunters' on HGTV Canada. The hunters in question, pregnant with their first child, and living in a 650 sq. foot 1 bedroom apartment, were looking to buy a new home for their growing family. The number one criteria on their house wish list was to stay in the Old Town district of Alexandria, Virginia. They looked at the requisite three properties. The first one was an older home and needed way too much upgrading to be financially viable for them, the second was a completely renovated 900 square foot row house a 10 minute walk from Old Town that was $15,000 above their budget and the third was a beautiful 1900 sq ft home, $30,ooo below budget, with a huge backyard, but 8 miles (~13 km) away from where they wanted to be. After the suspenseful cut and commercial break, my husband and I were somewhat shocked that in the end they chose the second house, paid the full list price for it and gained a mere 250 more square feet of home. They got exactly what they wanted though and that was to be right in the thick of Old Town Alexandria. Able to walk or take public transit to anywhere they needed to be, shop locally, and enjoy their community as the backyard in which they wish raise their child.

..........

We are in the middle of a civic election in my fair city. And this one is kind of a big deal. Our current Mayor is stepping down and not running for re-election and we have a potential for 7 out of 13 councillor positions up for grabs from newbies. It is an interesting time to be an Edmontonian.

Yeah, that's right, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. We have 6-8 months of winter, 2 months of festivals (summer) and a couple of brown months in between. And according to the most recent census (2011), Edmonton is the second fastest growing metropolis in Canada, just slightly behind our neighbours to the south in Calgary.

Our growth is a good thing. It means more people are wanting to come and live and work and raise their families in our city. It means more businesses want to open up shop in our city and bring good people with them. It means that our reputation is growing in a positive way outside of our city boundaries.

And yes, it also means that these same city "boundaries" are being pushed as well to accommodate our growth. I used to be able to tell you what the farthest most neighbourhoods in our city were and could navigate this city that I knew by heart. Now I have no idea where I am going half the time and I have to rely on Siri to tell me where to turn and when I have FINALLY reached my destination . Every day a new development is being advertised, more farmland is being taken over and we are inching closer and closer to our neighbouring cities and towns. Oh, Edmonton is growing alright, kind of like a 50 year old man with a penchant for a daily dose of A&W Teenburgers, we keep growing OUT and having to loosen up our belts more and more.

I think this is a problem for our city. I think that we are being sold a story of "responsible urban planning" by those who have a vested interest in such development. And I believe that the citizens of Edmonton who have bought into the idea that a home is only a home if you have a backyard and that one can only raise a family and live well in the suburbs are starting to feel the sting of these stories. A lack of infrastructure in these fast-tracked developments leaves city planners scrambling to provide decent public transportation to and from these areas, enough schools and community support for all of these new families and an open door policy for big box stores to accommodate the masses, a practice that inevitably drives out more and more locally-owned small businesses.

I also happen to believe there is a better way and I am not the only one. I think it is time for our city to grow UP as well as OUT. I think we need to take a closer look at different ways to create vibrant, new-ish, communities within our current boundaries. I believe that there are a lot more "House Hunters" out there looking for the same kind of live, play, work, raise-my-family-in-my-community-back-yard, that the couple above was looking for and that our city has a huge potential to develop communities like this within our core. The good news is that it is starting to happen already.

I firmly believe that our new mayor and city council need to take a good hard look at our city and really decide what is best for current and future Edmontonians going forward (and not what is in the best interest of the developers who pad their election campaigns). How can we make living in our city's core more appealing to families coming to Edmonton? How do we develop our city so that the only option for family housing is not a cookie cutter box in the suburbs on the outskirts of the city, with one skinny tree on the front yard and an hour long bus ride for junior to get to his/her school? How can we address higher density housing and building family-friendly communities? What about infill development in mature neighbourhoods? These are the kinds of questions that I am wondering about as we head into this election and this next chapter in Edmonton's history. This is the kind of change and leadership I am looking for from my new mayor and city councillors.

So.

Candidates.... who's up for this? Who wants to make Edmonton not only one of the fastest growing cities in Canada, but also one of the SMARTEST growing cities in Canada?

Natasha~

P.S. Check out my Twitter timeline from earlier this afternoon for a lively discussion of this and other #yegvote concerns from myself and some other concerned citizens. I should really learn how to Storify these things...

P.P.S. Let's all pretend that I published this 30 minutes ago. This is the August 29th #summerblogchallenge post!

Photo Credit: Darren Kirby on Flickr.

How to relieve tension: A list.

I feel like today is a list day. The past few days (weeks?) have been trying ones around here. I have an almost 7 year old son who wishes he was a grown up so he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, who thinks he KNOWS everything and who likes to speak at a volume that most people reserve for the front row of an ACDC concert.

So because of all the yelling that I have been doing, all the frustrations I am feeling, all the tension in my upper back, I give you the following:

The top 15 reasons my kid is the BEST EVER!

1. He gives full body hugs. Arms, legs, all of him is in it. 

2. Regardless of how crappy our day is, he tells me how much he loves me before he goes to sleep at night. Most of the time it is "more than all the grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world".

3. He knows more about dinosaurs than any other person I know, big or little!

4. He still crawls into bed with me every morning for a snuggle and sleeps in my arms exactly like he did when he was an infant. 

5. He has the core strength of an Olympic gymnast and could likely shame a grown man with his plank and one handed push ups!

6. He has some MAD illustrating skills and can draw a wicked Godzilla (circa 1998). 

7. When he laughs, he does so with his whole body and soul!

8. He bugs her mercilessly every day, but on the playground, NO ONE messes with his baby sister.

9. He can climb anything. And scares the SHIT out of me doing so!

10. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid of his emotions or of showing them. It's the part of him I know he got from me.

11. We have a secret mom and kid handshake that means "I love you".

12. He will eat almost anything at least once!

13. He calls me on my bad language or when I break any of our house rules.

14. He is not fearless, but will push himself to face his fears and overcome them. 

15. He is and always will be my baby boy!

I do love this kid!

natasha~

~~~~~~~~~~

Summer Blog Challenge: Updated List Here!

Dinos and darlings

I had a lovely, but long day. I just dragged my fully dressed and almost fully asleep butt out of my daughter's organic, all-natural, 2 inches of wool topper, ridiculously comfortable bed just so I can write something.

I barely have the strength for this, but a #summerblogchallenge is a summer blog CHALLENGE damn it!

We spent the first part of today exploring prehistoric times at our local, uber-cool, full-sized-mechanical-dinosaurs theme park/forest and the afternoon playing at my sister's acreage.

The kids roared and stomped and climbed and dug for fossils and hatched out of giant eggs, all while Lil' C schooled us with the details of his favourite dinosaurs. At my sister's place, they caught frogs and grasshoppers and made gobble-y noises at the not-so-baby-anymore turkey babies.

After a quick car-nap on the drive home, a change of clothes and a hastily made salad, we headed over to our old neighbours place for a BBQ. It was nice to sit and visit with our friends and watch the kids bounce and collide and take turns injuring each other in the trusty old backyard jumpy castle. No permanent damage was done and a wonderful time was had by all.

Sometimes it is helpful to see that other seemingly normal people have kids that are just as crazy as yours are and that you are not the only one dealing with tiny little shitheads darlings who are constantly testing their (and your) boundaries. I am POSITIVE our neighbours felt the same way!

Back home, the poor dog wondering where on earth everyone has been all day and now completely glued to my side, it was bath and bedtime for the darlings.

And alas, it is that time for me too!

Bonne nuit tout le monde et à demain.

Natasha~

P.S. I am a dolt. Last night's post was my Day 1 for the #summerblogchallenge although TODAY is the official first day of the challenge (I don't read instructions well). There are quite a few others joining in on the fun and I encourage you to check them all out as there is a little bit of something for everyone in our eclectic group of writers (Liam, Zita, Magz, Peter, Christine, April, Cliff, Hethr, and Karen).  

P.P.S Also... The UPS man brought me my new booties!

P.P.P.S. This post is shit. I am sorry. Let's call it a poem and chalk it up to artistic license (or something like that)! 

P.P.P.P.S. I did say that I was tired, right?

Back to School Worries

School brings out the scared, picked-on, not very popular, always in hand-me down clothes, gap-toothed, insecure, child of a broken home, 12 year old in me. In my mind I time travel back almost 30 years and walk down that long lonely hallway lined with army green lockers and ridiculous construction paper themed bulletin boards feeling the eyes of the more popular kids looking at me and judging, pointing, laughing. It's never a fun trip, I assure you.

So you can imagine my apprehension as the start of a new school year approaches. My oldest is entering grade 1 and my baby is going to kindergarten and I am a bit of a basket case right now.

Now, I am not a basket case in the unprepared and procrastinating kind of way. Nope. All school supplies are purchased, backpacks procured, new outfits and indoor shoe needs are all taken care of. I am instead worried about who their teachers are, who they are going to be in their classes with, how they are going to mesh with their friends, new and old, if anyone is going to pick on them, and how they are going to navigate the big bad world of life away from me and the sometimes brutal 'Game of Thrones' that is the playground at recess.

The problem is that while I am internally freaking out about this, externally, I am exhibiting all of these issues that are completely mine as frustration and exasperation with my children. I am yelling more, I am not actually being present for them RIGHT NOW, as I am too worried about what will be happening a month from now. This in turn is making them incredibly sensitive to everything I say or do. My poor girl thinks that every time I tell her something or correct her about anything that she is in deep trouble and then there are tears, lots and lots of tears. 'Not so Little Anymore' C just goes straight to tuning out almost anything I say, in what I assume is a pre-emptive move before he hears me try to say something that he just doesn't want to hear or tell him to do something that he doesn't want to do. If I had a SASS-o-Meter for that one, it would be out the roof right now!

What I am essentially saying is that the level of communication I have with my children at the moment is seriously lacking. I don't really have an excuse for it either, aside from the incessant worrying and my own internal bullies that keep threatening to drag me back to that hallway to be slammed into a locker once again. I worried back then that I was never good enough for anything or anyone, that I was unlovable (yes, yes, I know, I have abandonment issues), and that I would never have any friends who liked me for who I really was. And now, I am afraid I am projecting these fears onto my kids.

I worry that my behaviour as of late, is making them worried that I don't love and accept them for who and what they are. C is always seeking my approval and asking me if I am proud of him, and L worries that if I say I love you to someone other than her that I don't love her anymore. Somehow I have neglected to let them know or tell them the following. I am ridiculously proud of my son. He amazes me everyday with his artwork and illustrations and his incredible grasp of numbers and the basic physics of his world. I love that he is such a sensitive kid and is not afraid to show his emotions, it's the part of him that I know he got from me. And my daughter? She is so much me that sometimes it is a bit scary. She is a goof, has her own incredible sense of style, is carefree and easy with her love and blows me away with her daily silliness and her imagination. I am not sure I could love her more if I tried.

All this worrying and the worrying about worrying going on around here over has everyone functioning at such a heightened level of tension that it really doesn't take much for any one of us to snap. And trust me, you'd think this was a house full of crocodiles with the amount of snapping going on and it is high time for it all to stop.

And I am the only one who can actually do that. (Being a grown-up sucks!)

My kids are not me. They won't have the same experiences that I did growing up and no amount of me worrying about what happened 30 years ago is going to A) make it go away and B) make my relationships with my children any better today. I need to focus all of that energy that I am wasting on worrying, on letting them know all of the ways that I love them and on ensuring that they are secure, confident, kind human beings, who will be able to navigate their worlds better than I was ever able to do way back when. It's time for a good heart to heart with my children and for us to hit the reset button before school starts and I COMPLETELY lose my shit!

Natasha~

If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess,

they would stop worrying.

~Dale Carnegie

Photo Credit: abbmona on Flickr

P.S. ...this may or may not be the first post for the 2013 #SummerBlogChallenge.