breastfeeding, Life Lessons Learned, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam breastfeeding, Life Lessons Learned, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam

I am having a glass of wine DAMN IT!

Mamas, hands up if you have any kind of guilty mommy feelings throughout your days? Yup, that is what I thought. I did a little unofficial poll last week after a chat on twitter about a mama wanting to have a glass of wine and feeling guilty about it because she is also breastfeeding. The results are in, and "Mommy Guilt" is rampant and it looks like we may have an epidemic going on!

And it is about EVERYTHING!

Here are a few examples from my polling:

To much KD for dinner/lunch (this particular one was mentioned a lot??).

Not being a stay-at-home mom.

BEING a SAHM, but not wanting to play princess for the 500th time.

Too much TV (this is a big one too it seems).

Not being present in the moment with the kids all the time.

Not spending enough time with Kid 1 when Kid 2 comes along.

C0-sleeping (??).

Not finding time to clean the house.

Neglecting the fur-baby.

Spending time with friends away from the family.

Spending too much time on the computer/laptop/iPad/etc...

Yelling at the kids.

...and the list goes on and on and on.

Why do we put such pressure on ourselves? And who are we trying to impress? Last time I checked there was no Gold medal for being the perfect mother.

And even if there was, who defines the criteria for this coveted award? Who is it that is setting these ridiculous expectations?

Often it is ourselves. We think that we have to DO everything and BE everything to everyone because we are the mom. The reality is, that this is just not the case.

So the kids ate Kraft Dinner two times this week, it is still FOOD and they did eat ALL of it right? In my books, that is a win.

Do I really want to watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN or do the same puzzle for the 17th time today? Probably not and that is OK, because I am not a toddler trying to learn a new skill or a preschooler trying to figure out a storyline. I am NOT going to feel guilty about being a grown-up (and I am probably still going to do those things).

My kids watch TV. I monitor the programs and choose the ones that I think offer them the most educational value (I prefer PBS Kids to Treehouse and I will take Sid the Science Kid over a screaming Dora any day!!). The television is not a 'babysitter' for my kids anymore than it is for me. It is a form of entertainment and education and I would feel more like a hypocrite than anything else, if I told them they could not watch TV and then proceeded to plunk myself on the couch for hours at a time to watch "my shows"!

Guilt about having a glass of wine because you are also breastfeeding? Breastfeeding does not exclude FUN! And if you have had a hard day and need a glass of wine or a beer than GO FOR IT! Alcohol is metabolized in your breast milk exactly as it is in your blood and this is what Dr. Jack Newman himself has to say about it,

Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all. As is the case with most drugs, very little alcohol comes out in the milk. The mother can take some alcohol and continue breastfeeding as she normally does. Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers. (Dr. Jack Newman, member of the LLLI Health Advisory Council, excerpt from his handout “More Breastfeeding Myths”)

Feeling guilty about working full-time? Why? You are providing for your family. This is an act of love and you should feel proud of what you are doing. Especially if it is a job and career that you worked hard for and really love!

Going out with your friends and taking some time for you? Really? This one should be the least of your guilty feelings.

You know the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life"? Well, I have a new one....

Happy Mama, NO MORE Drama!!

Really. Think about it.

A Mama who knows when she needs to take time for herself, whether that is shoe shopping at the mall BY HERSELF or going to get her hair done, or sweating out all her stresses in a Bikram Yoga Class (that one is me BTW), or going for a run, or having a weekly girls night out, or doing WHATEVER it is that makes her happy, is a Mama who is likely to feel good about herself. A Mama who feels good about herself is not going to constantly focus on what she (thinks she) is doing wrong all the time and will be one who can say NO to all that guilt and drama. Hence Happy Mama, No More Drama!!

Now if you will excuse me, I have a glass of wine waiting to make me happy! ;)  I suggest you too find your proverbial 'happy place' and make regular visits to it and let go of your mommy guilt!!

Natasha~

 

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NIP by NUM

(nursing in public by natural urban mama) So here I am almost ready to call it a night (I've been up to my eyeballs in Quickbooks, trust me I am ready to go to bed) and I pop onto Twitter and see this tweet from Jessica (AKA @TheLeakyBoob).

And I got mad, MAD, MAD!!  Here is the link to the guy's actual comment on The Leaky Boob's Facebook Page. For one thing he is an ignorant troll and for another, well, he and all of his kind (no, not men, just ignorant human beings) are a HUGE part of the reason that we have such a stigma attached to breastfeeding in our world and why mamas everywhere feel the need to cover up, pump, hide in a bathroom, feed formula when out of the house, etc, etc, etc,.... when all a baby really needs and wants is right there under Mama's shirt!!

Today I had an opportunity to be a passive role model for breastfeeding.

I was sitting in a very busy Cafe O'Play, our local (and might I say fabulous) cafe and indoor play place, with my two and half year old daughter. We were surrounded by a bunch of NEW mamas waiting to get pictures taken and hand and feet castings done by another fabulous friend of mine, the lovely Kara from Wee Piggies and Paws.

Two mamas and their little babes (and grandma) sat down at the table beside me and one of the babies started to fuss. The mama started to look around in a panic and was wondering out loud where she should go to feed her little girl. I am not shy and I told her to just have a seat in the armchair beside me and have at 'er! I could tell she was nervous and so she went off to change the baby first. When she got back she tried to get settled into the chair with her nursing cover on and was struggling to get her little one on the boob. I reached over and helped her hold her cover open so she could see what she was doing (seriously mamas, those damn things are more of a hindrance than anything, IMO).  Baby finally got latched on and you could see the physical release of tension that happened to mama almost immediately.  She told me that she was worried that baby would come off and start coughing though because her let-down is so quick. I gave her a few quick tips about keeping her little girl in more of an upright position and to try laid-back nursing to see if that would help. She was also complaining about her nursing bra and I gave her a few suggestions for nursing wear that might make NIP a bit easier (nursing tanks and T-shirts).

And then....

With the best timing ever, my lovely little extended and expert breastfeeder looked over at me and said, "Mama, can I nurse please?"

And I pulled my shirt aside, exposed myself to no one but my daughter and nursed my 2.5 year old while also having a conversation with Grandma at the next table, typing and sending an email on my laptop and sipping my very yummy latte!!

I felt good at that moment. I felt like I might have made a teeny bit of a difference for that mommy. Maybe she will figure out an easier way to nurse her baby, maybe she will remember how easy and carefree both myself and my daughter where about nursing in public and maybe by example, I just gave a mama the power and knowledge she needed to know that it may be a bit difficult right now, but it will get so much easier.

And that she should never, ever, be made to feel that panic-y feeling whenever and wherever her baby needs to EAT!!

No matter what all the nasty trolls of the world say, breastfeeding is here to stay and I will do my part to make it easier and more normal for all mamas whenever and wherever I can!!

So go suck on THAT!!!

....and goodnight,

Natasha~

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Putting things back where they belong....

Yesterday, my good friend Lara, from MamaPear Designs and I were tweeting and the conversation moved towards boobs, which it often does when the two of us get going! I told her that I did not get any "Push Presents" when the kids were born because Natural Urban Dad is saving up for my post-breastfeeding career boob job. Here is what she had to say.

 

And then the two of us got curious and pretty much simultaneously posted status updates on Twitter and Facebook asking everyone what their thoughts were on this topic. The responses where surprising and extremely candid. Some women want a lift, some want a reduction, some want implants and some just want all of us Mamas to accept the bodies we have and leave well enough alone.

Personally, here are my thoughts.

I have been breastfeeding for 4 years, 4 months and 27 days (or as like to look at it 1,609 DAYS STRAIGHT!!). And for reals people, THAT amount of engorgement, suckling, pumping, nursing, latching, 5 minutes here, an hour there, a few bites thrown in for good measure and all the good, the bad and the ugly of breastfeeding, makes for some seriously sorry-looking ta-tas on this mama!

Now don't get me wrong, I can make them look good in a nice bra and I have graduated to non-nursing bras now, but I would really like to step out of the shower one day and not have to raise my arms above my head to have my boobs where I WANT them to be. I really don't think that is too much to ask.

AND, I am constantly telling my kids to pick up after themselves and put their toys and clothes back where they belong. Is it wrong to just want MY things to be put back where they belong?

Now, now, I can just hear some of you saying, but Natasha, they are where they belong. They are your big saggy badges of motherhood and you should be proud of them. I AM proud of what I have done with them. I have nourished and nurtured and comforted my children with them for over four years. And these puppies have done a bang up job at it too and I would not trade all of those days of breastfeeding for anything.

But I have other badges of motherhood and at my age, I feel like if I let things get too saggy and baggy, they will end up staying that way forever! So, when L and I are done our breastfeeding (and we are totally on a child-led weaning schedule, so this is no time soon!) and Natural Urban Dad and I have finally decided whether or not we are finished having babies, then I will make an appointment with a highly recommended plastic surgeon and get the ball rolling on operation "Put Things Back Where They Belong!"

In the meantime, if you are thinking about breast augmentation at all, YES, there is an APP for that!!

Check out what I found in the App Store today.  The iAugment app lets you take a picture of your girls (clothed or not) and then you can choose the size (amount of augmentation) you want and you can visual what your new set will look like!! Shake the phone to start over and try a different pair on for size (literally)!!

 

 

 

Until I am done with breastfeeding though, I will just have to be happy with some really great bras and don't be surprised if you see me walking around with my arms up over my head! I may be Crunchy people, but do remember the Lipstick part of it too and know that I am a tad vain that way! And I totally accept that part of myself!

What about you? Any plans to enhance, lift, reduce or otherwise 'clean-up' after you are done breastfeeding and having kids?

Natasha~

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The Breastfeeding Witch Hunt-What the heck is going on??

Okay, I am throwing in my two cents.

How come, about every other day, I am reading about another mama who was told not to breastfeed her child somewhere, or Facebook has deemed in their infinite wisdom to remove yet another breastfeeding page supporting nursing moms.

I sometimes think that we in Canada are immune to some of this, that we are somewhat more of a tolerant and accepting society as a whole.  (Sorry if that sounds a bit snooty.)  But sadly, I am mistaken.  Just this month alone we have had the incident in Montreal, where a mom was asked to leave a children's clothing store because she was breastfeeding her baby (and also buying items from them-talk about messed up customer service!!) And even in my own home town in our swanky new art gallery, a mom was asked to stop nursing her baby in a NO FOOD or DRINK zone.  This story has a happy ending and the art gallery changed it's policy, but why such a policy existed in the first place is beyond me!??

Now on to Facebook.  Does anyone else feel like there is some kind of breastfeeding witch hunt going on there?  I mean look at the growing list of pages that have been removed (and then reinstated...and then removed....and then...well, you know).

  • Earthy Motherhood
  • Momzelle (A fellow Canadian mom-run business, removed and then reinstated in November 2010)
  • and the countless personal pages and pictures that have been removed because of a breastfeeding photo or two.

It seems to me that someone really must be out there LOOKING for these pictures, as Facebook claims that they only remove these pages and pictures once they receive a complaint from users (see the January 2nd New York Times article on the subject).

So who is on this breastfeeding witch hunt?  And why?  Is someone really out there trying to undermine the breastfeeding moms of the world?  That just seems so unlikely (I hope), so then again I am left confused and dismayed as to all the fuss about nursing our babies and (God forbid) taking a picture of these beautiful moments and posting it for others (mostly our friends or like-minded mamas) to see.

And my last thought on the Facebook matter (because they say it is the NIPPLE that is the issue)...

I am pretty darn sure that if a Mama is breastfeeding, then the Baby is ON the nipple and it is likely NOT showing and then your "a nipple is a nipple and we don't care what you are doing" policy is just a bunch of cow's manure!!

And there you have it folks, my two cents....for all it is worth.

BREASTFEED away Mamas-where ever and whenever!!

Natasha~
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Natasha's Pick of the Week

I love Twitter!  It has opened up a world of opportunities for me and I have met some pretty amazing people in the Twitter-verse. One of these lovely people is the mama behind MamaPear Designs.  Lara Audelo is mom to two little boys and she is a breastfeeding advocate and soon to be Lactation Education Cousellor and her company has the most wonderful Lactivist t-shirts and gear for moms, dads and kids alike.

 

She is also a mama on a mission.  That mission is to get Oprah Winfrey to do a show in her last season all about breastfeeding.  And she wants YOU to get involved too!  You can find all the Breastfeeding Blitz info here and sign the letter and send it to Oprah herself!   Heck, if Ellen can get on the cover of O magazine with her, then maybe, just maybe hundreds of mamas all with one common goal, can get the fabulous Oprah Winfrey to put the much needed spotlight on breastfeeding and the global health benefits that it has for our children and ourselves.  And maybe, just maybe, help to remove the stigma that nursing a baby in a public place has these days, help to educate the people who complain about it and get mothers all over North America the support and resources that are so needed to help breastfeed their children successfully.

Here is what Lara has to say in her own words:

My ultimate goal is to raise breastfeeding awareness and help change the culture of breastfeeding here in the U.S.  I think it is safe to say we need some work in the society-at-large acceptance and education area!  I had an idea a few months ago and that was to see if, through a letter writing campaign, I could convince (with the support of hopefully hundreds, if not thousands of others) The Oprah Show to feature breastfeeding as a topic on a show in its final season.  I have never seen Oprah do a show on breastfeeding, but it really is time, and there are so many aspects that need to be discussed.  A variety of people could be invited to talk about benefits of breastfeeding, where moms who struggle can find support, why we need MORE support, discrimination for breastfeeding in public, breastfeeding and the workplace, the potential breastfeeding has to save money for tax payers, and the list goes on.  If breastfeeding is discussed by Oprah, it will get people talking, and that is what we need.  If people take the time to write her and let her know why they think this show is necessary, I believe it will happen.  Every mother must make a choice about how she is going to feed her baby, and I know that a lot of mothers tune into Oprah! We are not looking just to gain the attention of pregnant women, but everyone, so we can educate them about why more mothers should breastfeed.  So I am "building it" and hoping "they will come!"

You can find Lara on the web at www.mamapeardesigns.com, on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MamaPearDesigns and on Twitter @mamapeardesigns.  And if you visit her site right now, you can also see the lovely Spotlight she did on Natural Urban Mamas and the conversation we had about babywearing and breastfeedinng on her Favourites page.

And that is my pick this week peeps.

Natasha~

 

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Breastfeeding Thoughts: A Letter to my Kids

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about breastfeeding thoughts. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

My dearest son and daughter,

This is MOmmmeeee here.  I thought I would write you both a letter to express what I have been feeling lately.  Mommy has just finished two weeks of writing about our breastfeeding experiences and it has made me think a lot about this time we have had (and still have, my little lady) together.

For you my son, I would like to thank you. Thank you for teaching me patience, the kind that you need to have at 2 o'clock in the morning and you are a brand new mommy trying to nurse a premature baby who technically should still be in the womb and is having a hard time 'getting' this whole breastfeeding thing.  Thank you for learning to sign "MILK" so early, so I would always know exactly what you wanted and when!  Thank you for showing me the kind of mommy that I was meant to be, one who listens to her child and knows his needs (versus-all the nay-sayers and 'schedulers' and 'baby-trainers') and one who is willing to go with the flow of motherhood and let it take us to where we are naturally meant to be.  My little man, you and I shared EXACTLY three years of breastfeeding and I would not trade one of those 1095 days for anything else.

To my daughter, my little me.  You are a lucky, lucky girl.  Your big brother paved a very nice path for you.  Despite all the concerns everyone had, including me, about Mommy having another baby - YOU were and are perfect!  And because of what I learned with your brother, you are getting a much calmer and a much more confident Mommy.  Your brother showed me the kind of mommy I was meant to be and you, my dear are honing my skills.  I am a better breastfeeding mommy, a better babywearing mommy, a better EC'ing mommy and....well, I am just better.  You were my sensitive baby, my never-could-I put-you-down baby, my mama's girl and that was OK, because I was a better mommy.  You still are my baby girl, even though you are growing every day, saying new words and sentences, figuring out your puzzles and games with your brother.  I don't think I knew it before, but I am sure now that I needed you to be the 'needy' one.  And I love that you can now ask for all the great things that we have done and continue to do together, like "Mommy nurse?" and "Mommy piggy back?"

Nursing both of you has been one of the highlights of motherhood for me.  It makes me feel special, even though it is the most natural of our mothering instincts, and for that I can't thank you enough.  I have written here about our time of nursing and I hope that through our experiences or maybe because some other mommy saw us nursing or read about it that the three of us can be an example and encourage others to seek the joys that we have known together.

I hope that one day you read this and know how special and wonderful you both are and that you have made me a MOTHER in more ways that I can say.

I love you forever,

Mommy~

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Mutual Weaning - My New Terminology

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival! This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about child-led weaning. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

At first I said six months.  I would breastfeed my child for six months.  Then he was so small and that did not seem like enough and so it was extended (happily) to a year.  After all, I'd be going back to work after that.  Then, I did not go back to work and he was still such a little guy and was in no way showing any indications of stopping, so we kept on nursing.  Then I got pregnant again, and I thought for sure he would want to stop.  Nope, kept on going.  And then his sister was born and I could not deny him what I was also giving her.  We were at the two year mark here and I think I was getting ready to be done, but my son had other ideas.  He really loved (and still needed) that cuddle with me first thing in the morning and his five minutes of nursing, so we kept going.  Nursing into his third year was interesting.  We usually only did it at home and for very limited time (he would ask me for 1-5 minutes of nursing).  It was our way to connect, for him to check in and get some one-on-one with me and I was OK with that.  As we approached his third birthday we started to have more and more talks about his continuing to nurse and what it meant to be a big boy.  At this point he was nursing maybe once every other day or once or twice a week.  We kept talking about it every day until his birthday and then..... we nursed no more.

Neither one of us was sad about it and I think that was the most important thing for me.  I needed to be able to let go and not feel like I was missing anything or had left him missing or needing anything.  And I needed him to feel like he had 'graduated' to a new chapter in his little life and be proud of what he had done.  I think we accomplished this.  I never pushed him to stop and I never forced myself to give up something that I felt was always one of the most important gifts I could give my son.  Our journey ended on a high note, and it ended mutually.  I was ready, so was he and so we stopped nursing together.

If you talk to him now about nursing, he will tell you that he nursed when he was a baby, but now he is a big boy and big boys don't need to nurse.  He told me this less than 2 months after we had stopped!  Oh, how their little minds work.  Yes, he is my big boy now, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still need that extra close cuddle, the one where he rests his little head on my breast and just breaths in the smell of mommy.

And I still need that too.

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Family and Breastfeeding

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival! This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about family and breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

My husband is Chinese.  He has two sisters, a brother and his parents.  Now don't get me wrong, I actually really love my in-laws, even though it took my MIL a good four years to love me back.  They are SO, so good to my kids and at least once a week I don't have to cook a meal. But, to be honest, they are kind of an uptight bunch - DH included!  Throw in a dash of crazy white chick breastfeeding your grandkids FOREVER and well....

...actually, they have been great about it!  I was and still am sensitive to their needs, ie, to NOT see my boobs and they, in turn, have been very supportive of me breastfeeding my kids for an extended length of time.  Maybe they say things to each other when I am not around, but never do I hear any of it.  I have breastfed my babies at our monthly (sometimes weekly) family dinners at our favourite Chinese restaurant, at dim sum Sundays and at their home. I think it is more important to them that we have family time then it is to make a big fuss about me nursing in public.  So they don't question me, tell me to stop or seem otherwise bothered by it.  Now granted, at first my poor brother-in-law could not even handle being in the same room when I was nursing one kid or the other, but he has come around and is way more mature about it these days.

My family is likewise very supportive of my decision to breastfeed my babies for a long time.  My sister has an 8 month old baby too and when we are all together, the boobs are being popped out and into someone's mouth left, right and center!  We are also an EC'ing family (my sister too) and so there are also potty breaks for the baby girls in the middle of the living room when we all get together.  We are just not a shy bunch.  (For those who don't know, EC=elimination communication.)

So here's the thing, I have plenty of things that I could complain about with regards to my in-laws and my own family (and who doesn't), but their acceptance and I believe genuine respect for my breastfeeding practices is NOT one of them.  And because I know that this is not the case for a lot of mommies, I wholeheartedly thank each and every one of them for that!

Peace out my mama peeps, Natasha~

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