advocacy, feminism, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam advocacy, feminism, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam

The value of MOTHER.

It's started to happen already. The question whispered on people's lips or straight up asked right to my face. Next year both of my children will be in school full-time and some people are wondering...

"What are you going to do then?"

"What is your plan?"

This full-time school thing is a time of transition for everyone in the family. It is a time of letting go, of lunches packed with love, of good-bye kisses on cheeks, and wishes of having a good day, one that, for the first time, is going to be primarily without each other. I won't deny that it is a time that I am simultaneously dreading and dreaming of; dreading because I won't be the central person safeguarding my babies throughout their days anymore, and dreaming of because it has been seven years since I've had more than 3-4 hours all to myself on a regular basis to do whatever the hell I want!

And I get it. I get why the questions are asked of many, many mothers, who like me, are in stay-at-home roles. The kids are good now, right? They don't need you as much. They can DO all the things for themselves now and for 6-7 hours of the day they will be in the care of other people and learning about their worlds.

School siblings

The problem I am having with this "the kids don't need me anymore" logic, is that it feels like some kind of default assumption that, as a mother, what I have been doing for the past 7 years is nothing more than providing childcare for my children. That while it is true that I have given them all the basics to function on their own and they truly do not need me for said basics anymore (bum wipes, snotty noses, help with eating, zipping up jackets, etc...), I can now be relieved of my childcare duties. Now that they are school-aged, I can send them off for someone else to watch over for the day and then I can finally get back to being a regular, contributing member of society. You know, one with a 'real' job, and a purpose, and some kind of economic -and therefore societal- VALUE.

In her 2001 bestseller, The Price of Motherhood, Anne Crittenden discusses this concept in depth and shows us that although women may be liberated and on the path to economic equality, mothers are decidedly not.  

"The idea that time spent with one's child is time wasted is embedded in traditional economic thinking. People who are not formally employed may create human capital, but they themselves are said to suffer a deterioration of the stuff, as if they were so many pieces of equipment left out to rust."  

Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is not all sunshine and beautiful moments and crafting until your fingers bleed, but it is MUCH more than glorified babysitting.  It is a long-term commitment to building human character and developing the beings who will be the future of our world. It is about maintaining a healthy sense of attachment with our children so that they can confidently venture out into the world on their own and be caring human beings. Yet for reasons we still can't fully understand or correct, there is no dollar value that society can attach to this 'human capital' development and therefore no value in the people, primarily mothers, doing this work.

I am no fool. I know that if I decided to try to go back to work full-time, it would be a challenge for me from the get go. I'd have to explain my 8 year absence from the workforce. I'd have to somehow bump up my resume with my volunteer work , my writing and the various new skills acquired as a stay-at-home parent (and there are plenty!). Then I would somehow have to make the math add up, fitting an 8 hour work day into a 6 hour school day. This of course leads me to the search for before/after school childcare and the cost of this for two children, which, upon a quick perusal of various programs, would be a minimum of about $800/month. In the few hours between school and bedtime and interspersed with any extra-curricular activities, is where time spent with the children occurs and then after bedtime is when household care occurs. Yeesh! I am exhausted just thinking about this!

Yes, I know that for a lot of families, the choice to work or not is not one that they can make and the scenario above is their reality. I am fully aware of the level of privilege that I have in my life. Single or married, many, many people figure this all out and make it work for their families, and for that they have my utmost respect and admiration. I grew up with a single working mother and three younger siblings and she did make it work. How exactly she did this, I still don't know, but growing up, I was always in awe of her strength and character and how much she sacrificed for us and for the people and institutions that she worked for. Yet as I got older and then had children myself, I wondered just how much of her own self and happiness she sacrificed for us.

In that first year of parenting, the reality of what me going back to work would mean to our family didn't quite hit my husband and I until a few months before the end of that year. That in two months time we would be handing our infant son over to a child-care worker to care for him for most of the day, all of a sudden didn't sit quite so well with either of us. That I would have to stop breastfeeding him on demand and either pump or switch to formula for his nutritional needs wasn't something I was prepared to do. And that the logistics of my job would require me to be away for upwards of 3 days to a week's time at least quarterly and the implications of what this would mean for all of us seemed too daunting. When I found out I was pregnant again around the same time I was to return to work, the decision for me to be the stay at home parent seemed to be the option we were most comfortable with and the one that worked the best for our family.  So at the age of 36, and at a point of really starting to climb the proverbial corporate ladder of my career, to use the vernacular of the day, I "opted out".

It is a decision that I do not regret in the least. And of note, it is also a world that I have no desire to "lean {back} in" to either.

Recently I have had two close friends, who are in the same stay-at-home parental boat as me, tell me that they are going back to work later this year. They both have a multitude of reasons for doing so and I completely support these women and understand their reasons for making this decision for themselves and their families.

All except one.

Both have told me that going back to work will allow them to feel like they can finally DO THINGS for themselves without feeling guilty about it.

Here is the thing. I love both of these ladies and have seen them raise their children first hand for the past four years. Like most mothers I know, these are extremely dedicated women, who take care of house, home, children and spouses and all the logistics that go along with that. They have taken on the roles of economist and financial planner for their families, of early childhood educator, of artist/designer/house project manager, of cook/cleaner/chauffeur and mediator of family relations and the list goes on and on. If there were ever two people who deserved to do things for themselves, these two are IT (and yes, they are both probably reading this). They left their careers to be the primary at home caregiver for their families. A 40-hour work week traded in for one that is 24/7, that comes with no pay, no sick days, no health benefits and NO WEEKENDS OFF. Some will argue, "Well, that was their choice, so suck it up ladies!", but that argument falls apart when you take a closer look at the ridiculous expectations and societal parameters that are placed on mothers.

When you have a society that is constantly giving you the mixed messages that what you do as a mother is "the most important job on the planet" and glorifies you to semi-deity status and then simultaneously punishes you economically for leaving the workforce and shames you into sacrificing your very being to the glory that is Mother, it is no surprise that women feel a sense of guilt for wanting something that is just for them. That so many women echo the sentiments of losing themselves in motherhood and not feeling fulfilled in this role, despite all the wonderful praise capital "M" Motherhood elicits, is further testament to how undervalued a role it is, even by those fully entrenched in it. After all of this, the message that does get through is not "you are worth it", it is more often "you didn't earn it"," you don't deserve it", "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" and the ever popular "What exactly do you DO all day?".

I fully support all mothers, in all of their choices, and especially my dear friends on their decision to return to the workforce. I am actually quite excited for them both. My only wish for them and for any of you reading this is that whatever you choose to do in your life, be it working, staying at home, learning to paint, taking a yoga class, hiring a cleaning service, having a nanny, using a day care, getting a pedicure, going for a run or taking an hour long shower BY YOURSELF, that you make these choices with your agency intact and with full knowledge that you are worth it, that you should not feel guilty for wanting something just for you and that your work as Mother is not all of WHO YOU ARE. And even if, for a few years, it sorta-kinda is, please know that your work more than entitles you to being your own person, with her own needs and wants and that you can and should take care of yourself, however that may be. Do it for yourself and do it for your children as well. Let them see the value that you place on yourself, and let them take that message of self-care with them into the world that will one day be theirs.

In case anyone is still wondering what my plan is for next year, I plan on continuing to ensure the attachment and belonging that my children are growing up knowing with me as their mother. My "thing" is my writing and perhaps next year is the year of the great novel/screenplay/manifesto. I may even delve into some painting while I'm at it. Throughout it all though, please know that I support you in your choices, even though they may be different than mine, and that we all are deserving of doing the things that feed our souls.

{Psst.... I'll probably be getting a pedicure and a massage on a regular basis too.}

SAHFeminist

Take CARE of YOU,

natasha~

 

 

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breastfeeding, parenting Natasha Chiam breastfeeding, parenting Natasha Chiam

The Chart Versus the Child

My son was 3 lbs, 13 oz at birth. He was born at 35 weeks gestation. He was the average size of a 30 week old pre-term baby because I had a lovely trifecta of pregnancy complications: a very poor functioning placenta, pre-eclampsia and subsequent intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). In terms of Infant Growth Charts and Percentiles, our teeny little guy did not even register on a chart, let alone fall within anything resembling a "normal" growth percentile.

AND HE NEVER HAS!

To this day, at 4 years, 9 months old, and 33 pounds, he is still below the 5th percentile on any growth chart. He has always had his very own growth curve that hovers somewhere near the 3rd percentile.

In those early weeks and months of his life I stressed A LOT about his growth. I was at the public health unit weekly, having him weighed and measured and plotted on the very bottom of those very stress-inducing, mother- fuc...frightening charts.

He was an exclusively breastfed kid and for the most part, I lucked out with the nurses and doctors that I had contact with. Not once was I told that I should be supplementing him with formula, although I was told on more than one occasion to nurse him and then give him some pumped breastmilk to "top him up". Sometimes I did, most times I did not.

"Hey, who you calling teeny?"

And not only was he a teeny, tiny preemie, he is also the kid of an 5'9" Asian man and a 5' 3" Caucasian woman. His paternal grandmother is barely 5' tall and he has the metabolism of a Eurasion Pygmy Shrew. Genetically, he was never destined to be a really big guy or gain a huge amount of 'baby fat'!! And this is kind of my point here.

What all mamas (and daddies too) need to realize is that generally, your new baby check-ups at the Public Health Unit are done with a check list in hand.

Weigh baby -Check

Measure baby's length and head circumference - Check

Plot on Standard Infant Growth Charts - Check

Discuss baby's feeding/nutrition (whether breastfeeding or formula feeding) - Check

  • Offer up suggestions/advice if , according to above chart, baby is NOT gaining weight properly.

Get Mama to fill out or answer post-partum depression questionnaire - Check

Discuss vaccinations required and give said vaccines - Check

  • FYI - You have the right to ask for any kind of vaccine schedule you want for your child, whether that choice is none at all, or as we did, a delayed one (max 1-2 at a time).

Hand you pamphlet with age appropriate Baby Milestones - Check

Now, I am not knocking the public health nurses. They see A LOT of mamas and babies and have a lot to do in the short time they have with them. What I am saying is that these health care practitioners, and a lot of doctors too, need to look beyond the numbers on the charts and the checklists and really SEE their patients and the parents and babies before them.

Dr. Jay Gordon wrote an excellent post about this last year that sums up the issue of looking at the charts versus looking at the baby. You can read the full article here. In it he makes the point that,

"...if someone were to ask you what weight a 33-year-old man should be, you would laugh. The range of possibilities varies according to height, bone structure, ethnicity and many other factors. Yet babies are expected to fit onto charts distributed throughout the country with no regard to genetics, feeding choice or almost anything else."

I personally think that as new moms, the more charts and spreadsheets and schedules and logs that you have for your baby, the more exponentially you will drive yourself batty! While yes, it is important to track a few things in the beginning to ensure everything is trucking along nicely (I am mainly talking pees and poops here), for the most part, if we follow our instincts, listen to our babies and respond to their cues and needs (feed me, hold me, change me, love me), then they will be just fine. And if for some reason they are not, then trust me (and trust yourself), your Mama Bear instincts will kick in and you will seek and get the help that is needed.

People come in all different shapes and sizes and colors. And babies, well, they are people too (the best kind really)! Trying to fit them all onto a nice perfect curve is simply NOT going to work. And maybe, just maybe, this kind of 'chart versus child' outlook marks the beginning of our crazy North American obsession and misconception of what the ideal body should look like.

Like Dr. Gordon says, "Look at the Baby, not the scale."

Good advice for everyone really, baby or not!

Natasha~

(This post was inspired by a lovely mama that I met today at Cafe O'Play, who has the cutest and teeniest and completely healthy and beautiful 10 month old baby girl! Thank you.) 

 

 

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family, kids, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam family, kids, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam

Mama Metamorphosis

My kids are 4.5 years old and 2.5 years old. Both are my babies, but please DO NOT, under any circumstances, say that to them these days. C remembers being a baby and the things he used to do (nurse, sleep in the crib, be in a baby carrier) and they toys he used to play with, but he is firmly a BIG BOY now and is even concerned that his clothing size is the right number for him!!  L is just realizing that she is a "big girl" and she justifies all that she does now. "Mama, big girls nurse too. Mama, big girls go uppy in carriers too. Mama, I not a baby, I a BIG GIRL!!"

And I have just realized that although they will always be MY babies, they really are NOT little babies anymore and therefore...

....I can not be the 'baby' mama anymore.

It is time for me to grow up and graduate out of the baby stage and transition to this new (and rather scary) phase of parenthood.

For those you who have been following along with my posts you will know that a few months ago, Natural Urban Dad and I were in talks about having another child. Suffice it to say that we have come to a collective agreement and what is going to work for all of us is the status quo. Two kids, two adults, two hands....you do the math. It is what works for us and is what is going to keep us a strong family unit.

And all along the way, in all our talks and negotiations, the theme that kept recurring was one of all of us growing up. Our kids are growing up and contrary to what you would think this would mean, ie, more independence, less reliance on us for everyday tasks, etc., what I have noticed is that they actually NEED us even more right now and in a completely different way than before.

Take my son. He is a sensitive, inquisitive, smart cookie with a quirky personality (he gets that from me I guess ;)). He also seems to have the sharpest hearing in the history of four year-olds and if he hears something he does not quite understand, he will ask you about it and not quite asking until he gets it! This is a totally awesome occurrence. Except when you are not prepared for it.

Yesterday, as we were driving to my niece's 12th birthday party, C pipes up from the back seat of the car.

"Mama, is HATE a bad word?"

Me: "Uhm....... well......, what do you mean?"

"Hate. What does it mean?"

Me: looking over at Natural Urban Dad and mouthing, "Do you want to answer this?" and him staring off into space like he can't hear either of us.

So, as I rolled my eyes at the NUD at my side, I told C this, "Hate is a mean word that some people use when they really, really, REALLY do not like something. It is a word that can hurt people's feelings and one that is not very nice to use."

That seemed to satisfy him for the moment, but it is just one example of the many questions and thoughts that he is processing these days and often needs our help to sort out. Today we had a fun time over breakfast discussing what our emotions are and making the appropriate faces to go with them. Our conversations with C really have gone to a new level as of late and it is awesome and extremely scary at the same time!

And L at two and a half,  has suddenly become the "WHY" kid. Why Mama? Why you put make-up on? Why that lady have crutches? Why we going to swimming? Why? Why? Why? I love that she wants to know EVERYTHING, but OY, some days it is exhausting! And for some reason I just keep answering her multitude of questions and that just makes her ask why even more.....

My kids are also very sensitive with regards to their time with me lately and the whole work-life-parenting-and-being-an entrepreneur-thing is requiring some extra special juggling skills these days! I am working on it, but it is not easy. It is not easy to be saying over and over, "Mommy just has to send one more email and then we can go build your Lego castle/play outside/have a tea party/etc....". And for some reason, "Do you want to come and help Mommy work (ie, pack up orders) does not have the same appeal as it used too!

They just need more from me now on an emotional level and in a way that for some reason I was not fully prepared for. I am sure there are books out there that tell you all about this stage of parenthood (I swear I have a copy of Playful Parenting around here somewhere!), I just have not read them yet!

So, here I go.  Out of my cocoon of babyhood and into the great butterfly unknown of parenting my NOT-babies-anymore babies!!

My babies on the BIG KID swings!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks :)

Natasha~

 

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The Fine Print

There is a lot about motherhood that no one tells you before you start this gig. Of course there is all the usual stuff. You'll never sleep, kids will poop and/or puke at the most inopportune times and life as you know it is never going to be the same. Just remember that you did sign up for this mommy thing!

For those of you who have been at this for a while you may have figured all of this out, but for anyone new to this, here are a few things that you may have missed in the fine print.

  • Set all your clocks 1/2 hour ahead of the actual time. Otherwise you will never again be on time for anything in your life (add 15 minutes per child).
  • Learn to love your body hair. Time for personal grooming (and even showering) may be very hard to come by!
  • Doors lose all of their function when you are a mother. Especially bathroom doors.
  • Be prepared to walk out of the grocery store and leave a full cart of food at some point in your toddler's life. AKA-The Mother of all Tantrums!
  • Poop comes in all the colors of the rainbow. Don't panic-think about what went in first!
  • If you spend 3 hours prepping and then cooking a great meal for your family, understand that A) NO ONE will acknowledge your efforts and B) invariably someone will refuse to eat it!
  • Breastfeeding is a fabulous way to lose weight, but understand that "those last 10 pounds" are not going to go until you STOP breastfeeding. So stop beating yourself up about it, understand this and for god's sake keep breastfeeding!
  • No matter how many times you and your spouse talk about it, he/she is just NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND what being a stay at home parent is like all day, everyday. Learn to accept this (both of you)!
  • Sex. Think of it as a grown-up play date and get it in the household schedule. And give it at least as much (preferably more) significance as the swimming lessons, art classes and all the mommy and me programs you have signed up for!
  • Know that we are all in this together. When you are having what you think is possibly THE worst day ever because the baby has reflux and has puked on your last clean anything and the toddler just flushed Batman AND Superman down the toilet, just remember that somewhere, some how, another mother is probably having an even worse day. If you happen to know this mama, Email, call, FB message or tweet her and let her know you GET it!
  • Deep breathes and counting to ten are essential MOTHERING SKILLS!

All in all it is a pretty darn good gig even with all of the above fine print. And for me at least, it is the moments like this that balance out all the crazies!!

I for one would not trade my life for anything else.

How about you?

Natasha~

P.S. Please feel free to add to the list of items in "The Fine Print"!

 

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Parenting and the things that never occured to me.

I have had two winter babies, born in Northern Alberta.  One was 4 lbs when we brought him home.  If anyone had a reason to stay indoors for 4 months while the snow piled up outside, it was me.   But I couldn't.  We were in the midst of building our new house and our little bundle would come with me to visit the site, visit home stores, lighting stores, and you name it, my little man came with me.  We had our Cuddly wrap and our ring sling and of course the carseat and it just did not occur to us NOT to bring him with us wherever we went.

I think a lot of my parenting decisions have been like that.....it just did not occur to me to do otherwise.

Take breastfeeding.  Maybe it was because we knew we would be having a preemie and being on bed rest for two months, I did a lot of reading about the subject.  Preemies NEED breastmilk.  Not to sound all cliche, but it really is liquid gold.  I pumped every 3 hours 24 hours a day for the two weeks he was in NICU and refused to let any of the nursing staff supplement my child with any kind of formula.  And this was before I even really knew a whole lot about formula and formula companies.  It just did not occur to me to do otherwise and maybe I was one of the lucky ones, but not one health care professional ever told me that I needed to supplement him with or speed up his weight gain with formula.  Even when he was being tube fed, it was with my pumped colostrum and breast milk.

Was it easy?  Hell NO!  I could post a picture of just how big my boob was compared to his head, but I'll just let you imagine it (think cantaloupe VS orange).  We had latch issues, my let-down was to much for him, he needed to nurse every 1.5 hours and the list goes on and on.  But, we persevered and eventually had a beautiful 3 year nursing relationship.  What happened during this time was that I learned a lot, about myself and about breastfeeding.  And as the saying goes, "When you know better, you do better."  I don't think I did all that bad with my first baby, but I can honestly say that with my 2nd, I have NEVER had any issues with breastfeeding.

Before she was born, I learned about baby-led latch, upright or postural breastfeeding positions and even more about the benefits of babywearing for our breastfeeding relationship.  And I never knew it could be this good!!  Honestly, I have never had a cracked nipple, a yeast infection or mastitis, or a baby who refuses to nurse.  I fed my baby on demand, no schedule, no timers, and when and where ever she needed.  It just never occurred to me to do otherwise.

Babywearing was the same thing.  I knew how important kangaroo care was for my son and having his tiny little body sleeping or nursing or just hanging out on my body was a normal part of our days.  Maybe I lucked out a bit ending up with a sling and wrap (as opposed to a Bjorn or Snugli), but we fell into babywearing relatively easily and have never looked back.   I found having my babies on me more convenient than not and hardly used all of the other baby paraphernalia that we had purchased. (I can seriously count on one hand the amount of times we used our play yard thing).  Babywearing was like that for me too, it never occurred to me to do otherwise.

The thing is, I could go on and on about a lot of these baby barriers that we face, things that we have been told will be too hard, take to much time, are way too complicated....  And the point of this post is this: Why, oh why,  do so many moms struggle with this?  Who are the people that feed all those fears?

I realize that this post is kind of a rant, but so be it.  Mamas, here is what I want!  I want you to TRUST yourself and your mothering instincts, do what YOU think is best and right for your child, and don't let all those people talking about what you should be doing or not doing get to you.  Don't have regrets, just educate yourself, seek help and expertise where you can and then next time around, when you know better, you will do better and it will never occur to you to do otherwise!!

Natasha~

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babywearing, breastfeeding, motherhood Natasha Chiam babywearing, breastfeeding, motherhood Natasha Chiam

Breastfeeding Thoughts: A Letter to my Kids

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about breastfeeding thoughts. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

My dearest son and daughter,

This is MOmmmeeee here.  I thought I would write you both a letter to express what I have been feeling lately.  Mommy has just finished two weeks of writing about our breastfeeding experiences and it has made me think a lot about this time we have had (and still have, my little lady) together.

For you my son, I would like to thank you. Thank you for teaching me patience, the kind that you need to have at 2 o'clock in the morning and you are a brand new mommy trying to nurse a premature baby who technically should still be in the womb and is having a hard time 'getting' this whole breastfeeding thing.  Thank you for learning to sign "MILK" so early, so I would always know exactly what you wanted and when!  Thank you for showing me the kind of mommy that I was meant to be, one who listens to her child and knows his needs (versus-all the nay-sayers and 'schedulers' and 'baby-trainers') and one who is willing to go with the flow of motherhood and let it take us to where we are naturally meant to be.  My little man, you and I shared EXACTLY three years of breastfeeding and I would not trade one of those 1095 days for anything else.

To my daughter, my little me.  You are a lucky, lucky girl.  Your big brother paved a very nice path for you.  Despite all the concerns everyone had, including me, about Mommy having another baby - YOU were and are perfect!  And because of what I learned with your brother, you are getting a much calmer and a much more confident Mommy.  Your brother showed me the kind of mommy I was meant to be and you, my dear are honing my skills.  I am a better breastfeeding mommy, a better babywearing mommy, a better EC'ing mommy and....well, I am just better.  You were my sensitive baby, my never-could-I put-you-down baby, my mama's girl and that was OK, because I was a better mommy.  You still are my baby girl, even though you are growing every day, saying new words and sentences, figuring out your puzzles and games with your brother.  I don't think I knew it before, but I am sure now that I needed you to be the 'needy' one.  And I love that you can now ask for all the great things that we have done and continue to do together, like "Mommy nurse?" and "Mommy piggy back?"

Nursing both of you has been one of the highlights of motherhood for me.  It makes me feel special, even though it is the most natural of our mothering instincts, and for that I can't thank you enough.  I have written here about our time of nursing and I hope that through our experiences or maybe because some other mommy saw us nursing or read about it that the three of us can be an example and encourage others to seek the joys that we have known together.

I hope that one day you read this and know how special and wonderful you both are and that you have made me a MOTHER in more ways that I can say.

I love you forever,

Mommy~

Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

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Mothering Through Breastfeeding-as Mother Nature intended.

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival! This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about mothering through breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

"I learned the joy of mothering through breastfeeding."
- Pamela Pilch, retired LLL leader, Virginia.

I found an article on breastfeeding written by Pamela on the web and when I read this sentence it was like she had summed up my mothering experience in eight words.  Not that all of mothering is about breastfeeding, trust me I know that, but the parts that make me really FEEL like a mother, like this is what I was made for and how Mother Nature intended it to be, that is what breastfeeding has done for me.

I did not have intervention free pregnancies and births. I had more ultrasounds and BPPs (biophysical profiles) of both of my kids in utero than probably 30 moms put together. My son's first few weeks of life involved so many beeping machines and tubes and wires that the quiet of being at home with him in those first few days seemed somehow foreign to us.  I was induced for both of my births (with the cervedil insert and no IV pitocin-thank God!!) and had my water broken with my daughter.  I dreamt about having an all natural, at-home birth with a midwife and a doula, but alas, that was just not going to happen. High risk pregnancies + physician husband = hospital birth.  I will say that I had an absolutely amazing obstetrician, although she did miss both my births by about 6 minutes, because she was finishing up a c-section (seriously-exact same thing, both times!)  My point is that I did not necessarily birth my babies as Mother Nature intended.

Breastfeeding is and was my way to do what I was made to do as a mother.  Feed my babies.  Keep them alive and safe and well.  I had an incredible life moment last year that I really don't talk about that much, I have kept it for me, but I will share it with you now.

My family and I were vacationing in Maui in February of 2009.  My husband was at a medical conference and so my parents and I took the kids (2 years old and 4 months old) on a whale watching tour.  It was awesome!  We saw so many whales, full breeches, two males fighting over a female and I think my son had the most fun of anyone on the boat trying to spot the tell-tale spout of a nearby whale.  And then it happened.  I had to nurse my daughter about half way through the tour and at that very same moment we came upon a mama humpback whale and her month old calf kind of just floating close to the surface of the ocean.  Our guide told us that they do this when the mama whale is NURSING her baby.  I know it sounds silly, but I started to cry, there I was nursing my baby and not 50 feet away in the ocean was one of the biggest mammals on earth doing the exact same thing!

Motherhood is a powerful thing, it connects us to each other, to our world, to nature and most importantly to our children.  What I have learned through breasfeeding is that mothering is much easier when we work with nature rather than against her.

Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

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