I am the Tony Stark of parenting!
I am a goddamn parenting genius! .
.
.
.
OK, fine. Slight exaggeration.
Maybe I just exude parental confidence. {While inwardly I am pulling my hair out strand by strand and sitting in a corner holding myself and rocking back and forth.}
Whatever the case may be, people ask me for advice all the time.
It ranges from prenatal questions all the way to potty training and back again. And for the record, I am definitely not an expert in any of these things by any conventional definition.
What I am is a mama. I have almost 6 years of seniority in this position and according to a recent personality test I took (more on that in a later post) I have an above average amount of behavioural adaptability. Which I think is just fancy talk for I just know how to go with the flow!
I also like to listen to my instincts. My gut, so to speak. And for the most part, (teensy bit of bragging here) my gut is rarely wrong.
Why am I telling you all this?
It started last week when my lovely friend and kicks-my-ass-weekly personal trainer, Jessica, asked me for some sleep advice for one of her 5 month old twins. One was sleeping in his crib just fine and the other one just could not do it without Jessica being there with him.
Now of course, my first reaction when anyone asks me for baby sleep advice is to laugh out loud, because, as you may know, I have not had a full night of uninterrupted sleep since December of 2006.
My second reaction is to ask more questions. How does he usually sleep? What does he need? What (or who) is his comfort? Jess answered all of these and the main theme that I uncovered was that he needed HER. The problem is that she needed her sleep.
So, in my infinite parental wisdom, I said, "Give him your shirt."
Huh?
Here is the way I understand it. Babies imprint on us. Yes, imprint, just like in Twilight with Jacob and baby Renesmee. It's an instant and forever bond and a big part of that has to do with our senses. Touch, taste, hearing, smell and sight. So when Jessica told me that Baby R needed her and she needed to be sleeping in her own bed, I said give him your shirt.
Because it smells like her. The first scent that he ever smelled, his soothing imprint, his mama.
So she did. She gave him her "I just taught two fitness classes, this smells A LOT like me" top and a few hours later I got this tweet.
https://twitter.com/infinitefit/status/256248507684491264
And yesterday, she texted me this sweet (sweaty shirt) photo!
It has been a week and he is still sleeping at nights all snuggled up with his mama's shirt.
Therefore, I believe this makes it official.
I AM a genius!
Patent-pending of course, but in the meantime feel free to use my very scientific GTFTS "technique" (which by the way, I have also used with some success with toddlers too)!
Happy Sleepy Times Mamas,
Natasha~
Mothers Before Me: Lessons for a New Life.
Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival! This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about how the mothers before you influenced your choice to breastfeed. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!
I know that I was breastfed as an infant. For all of six weeks. And then my mother had an acute case of appendicitis and had to have surgery and was told she could no longer nurse me. This was in 1972 and she was a 21-year-old new wife, new mom and a person who was not, nor has ever been one to question the wisdom of her doctors. And that was the end of our breastfeeding relationship.
She had three more children in quick succession after me and all three of them were breastfed for at least 6 months each, if not longer. We lived in the country, my dad was a ranch hand on a cattle farm and I guess if it was good enough for the cows and horses then it was good enough for the kids! And we were kind of dirt poor too and that formula stuff was more than we could realistically afford!
I mostly remember seeing my youngest brother nurse. I was four years old when he was born and I remember my mom always saying that Desmond was born on the breast and never left it! I also have a very clear image of my mother giving myself and my two younger brothers baths together and "squirting" us with her milk. Oh, don't make faces, it was a fun bath time game back then!
To be perfectly honest aside from my own mother, I don't remember seeing other mothers nursing while I was growing up. I was born in the early 70's and perhaps the big breastfeeding resurgence of the late 1970s and 1980s had not hit our local hospitals yet, or maybe the fiasco of formula marketing that Nestle and other formula manufacturers had unleashed on third world countries was not yet common knowledge. Whatever the case and reasons for it, breastfeeding was just not something that I saw a lot of, nor was it something that was talked about either.
I don't think that I thought much about breastfeeding or really started to notice whether or not people were indeed doing it until I was pregnant with my first child. It was a complicated pregnancy with a few months of bedrest and a guaranteed premature delivery and I had a lot of time to read about what I needed to do to ensure a healthy and strong baby. Breastfeeding was number ONE on that list!
Unfortunately, no amount of reading about breastfeeding can ever fully prepare you for the full experience itself. And I have to say that it wasn't until I met other committed breastfeeding mothers at my local La Leche League and SAW for myself how normal and wonderful and amazing of an experience it truly could be, that I fully appreciated how important it is for all women, of all ages, to SEE for themselves breastfeeding in action and know that it is a normal and incredibly awesome way to nurture and nourish a child.
Today the kids and I had lunch with a good friend, her 4-year-old daughter and her 8-week old little baby girl. As we were all getting ready to leave the baby woke up and started to get all fussy and was full on crying by the time we made it to our respective cars. My two and a half year old {nursling} daughter turned and said to me, "Mommy, Baby P is hungry and needs to nurse on her mommy's boobies."
'Nuff said.
My job is done.
Natasha~
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
~Mahatma Ghandi
Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.
- Sylko @ Chaotic Mama-Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival: Day One
- Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl-Learning Lessons From My Mom
- Renee @ Just the 5 of us!-Well That's What They're For, Right?
- Lindsy @ The S.L.C. Blog-Posts on the Importance of Breastfeeding: Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival
- Timbra @ Bosoms and Babes-Quiet Influence
- Ana @ Motherhood: Deconstructed-My Mother’s Gift
- Amy @ Anktangle-Dear Mom, Thank you for breastfeeding me.
- Amy @ Wildflower Ramblings-Generations of Breastfeeding Joy
- Judy @ Mommy News & Views Blog-The Mothers Before me
- CJ @ Imperfect Happiness-Mothers Before me
- Shelly @ Lousy Mom-Breastfeeding: Mothers before me
- Ashley @ Adventures with my Monkeys-Breastfeeding Carnival Day 1: Mothers Before Me
- Laura @ Day by Day in Our World-Breastfeeding Influences... from Women Who Walked Before Me
- Natasha @ Natural Urban Mama-Mothers Before Me: Lessons for a new Life
- And of course the guest poster on the Breastfeeding Cafe’s blog today is Laurel Miller-Jones-Taught Without Being Taught
Spring Fever
It is definitely spring in my neck of the woods this week. And to further prove that point, it seems that my mind and my body have gone into full-fledged Spring Fever mode. The result... ....I want another baby!
I think.
I mean I am pretty sure I do. Natural Urban Dad is not so sure. We are not quite on the same page just yet in this regard, either way. I keep telling him that three is the new two and he keeps telling me that he needs us to just settle into our life and not add more stressors to it.
I see his point and I know what he means. For us having babies is not always an easy ride. I have to be off my RA meds, a certain, ahem, device needs to be removed, and then well there is the whole getting pregnant part (fun) and then the pregnancy part (can be fun, but is often not for me).
Add to the equation the fact that I am a soon to be 40 year old woman and the risks that that entails with pregnancy and really it does look like the cards are stacked against me.
Yet still, my heart, my mind and my body yearn for another baby.
Maybe I am just ovulating and have a huge hormone surge happening right now. Or maybe all the oxytocin that has floated around in my system for the last four years of breastfeeding has effectively erased my memories of how tough this job really is.
And maybe, just maybe I am seeing my babies grow up and need me less and less (L refused to let me help her down the stairs today) and that realization, although wonderful for them and their developing little minds, is a bittersweet one for me.
A little delirious with {spring} fever, Natasha~
The Fine Print
There is a lot about motherhood that no one tells you before you start this gig. Of course there is all the usual stuff. You'll never sleep, kids will poop and/or puke at the most inopportune times and life as you know it is never going to be the same. Just remember that you did sign up for this mommy thing!
For those of you who have been at this for a while you may have figured all of this out, but for anyone new to this, here are a few things that you may have missed in the fine print.
- Set all your clocks 1/2 hour ahead of the actual time. Otherwise you will never again be on time for anything in your life (add 15 minutes per child).
- Learn to love your body hair. Time for personal grooming (and even showering) may be very hard to come by!
- Doors lose all of their function when you are a mother. Especially bathroom doors.
- Be prepared to walk out of the grocery store and leave a full cart of food at some point in your toddler's life. AKA-The Mother of all Tantrums!
- Poop comes in all the colors of the rainbow. Don't panic-think about what went in first!
- If you spend 3 hours prepping and then cooking a great meal for your family, understand that A) NO ONE will acknowledge your efforts and B) invariably someone will refuse to eat it!
- Breastfeeding is a fabulous way to lose weight, but understand that "those last 10 pounds" are not going to go until you STOP breastfeeding. So stop beating yourself up about it, understand this and for god's sake keep breastfeeding!
- No matter how many times you and your spouse talk about it, he/she is just NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND what being a stay at home parent is like all day, everyday. Learn to accept this (both of you)!
- Sex. Think of it as a grown-up play date and get it in the household schedule. And give it at least as much (preferably more) significance as the swimming lessons, art classes and all the mommy and me programs you have signed up for!
- Know that we are all in this together. When you are having what you think is possibly THE worst day ever because the baby has reflux and has puked on your last clean anything and the toddler just flushed Batman AND Superman down the toilet, just remember that somewhere, some how, another mother is probably having an even worse day. If you happen to know this mama, Email, call, FB message or tweet her and let her know you GET it!
- Deep breathes and counting to ten are essential MOTHERING SKILLS!
All in all it is a pretty darn good gig even with all of the above fine print. And for me at least, it is the moments like this that balance out all the crazies!!
I for one would not trade my life for anything else.
How about you?
Natasha~
P.S. Please feel free to add to the list of items in "The Fine Print"!
Parenting and the things that never occured to me.
I have had two winter babies, born in Northern Alberta. One was 4 lbs when we brought him home. If anyone had a reason to stay indoors for 4 months while the snow piled up outside, it was me. But I couldn't. We were in the midst of building our new house and our little bundle would come with me to visit the site, visit home stores, lighting stores, and you name it, my little man came with me. We had our Cuddly wrap and our ring sling and of course the carseat and it just did not occur to us NOT to bring him with us wherever we went.
I think a lot of my parenting decisions have been like that.....it just did not occur to me to do otherwise.
Take breastfeeding. Maybe it was because we knew we would be having a preemie and being on bed rest for two months, I did a lot of reading about the subject. Preemies NEED breastmilk. Not to sound all cliche, but it really is liquid gold. I pumped every 3 hours 24 hours a day for the two weeks he was in NICU and refused to let any of the nursing staff supplement my child with any kind of formula. And this was before I even really knew a whole lot about formula and formula companies. It just did not occur to me to do otherwise and maybe I was one of the lucky ones, but not one health care professional ever told me that I needed to supplement him with or speed up his weight gain with formula. Even when he was being tube fed, it was with my pumped colostrum and breast milk.
Was it easy? Hell NO! I could post a picture of just how big my boob was compared to his head, but I'll just let you imagine it (think cantaloupe VS orange). We had latch issues, my let-down was to much for him, he needed to nurse every 1.5 hours and the list goes on and on. But, we persevered and eventually had a beautiful 3 year nursing relationship. What happened during this time was that I learned a lot, about myself and about breastfeeding. And as the saying goes, "When you know better, you do better." I don't think I did all that bad with my first baby, but I can honestly say that with my 2nd, I have NEVER had any issues with breastfeeding.
Before she was born, I learned about baby-led latch, upright or postural breastfeeding positions and even more about the benefits of babywearing for our breastfeeding relationship. And I never knew it could be this good!! Honestly, I have never had a cracked nipple, a yeast infection or mastitis, or a baby who refuses to nurse. I fed my baby on demand, no schedule, no timers, and when and where ever she needed. It just never occurred to me to do otherwise.
Babywearing was the same thing. I knew how important kangaroo care was for my son and having his tiny little body sleeping or nursing or just hanging out on my body was a normal part of our days. Maybe I lucked out a bit ending up with a sling and wrap (as opposed to a Bjorn or Snugli), but we fell into babywearing relatively easily and have never looked back. I found having my babies on me more convenient than not and hardly used all of the other baby paraphernalia that we had purchased. (I can seriously count on one hand the amount of times we used our play yard thing). Babywearing was like that for me too, it never occurred to me to do otherwise.
The thing is, I could go on and on about a lot of these baby barriers that we face, things that we have been told will be too hard, take to much time, are way too complicated.... And the point of this post is this: Why, oh why, do so many moms struggle with this? Who are the people that feed all those fears?
I realize that this post is kind of a rant, but so be it. Mamas, here is what I want! I want you to TRUST yourself and your mothering instincts, do what YOU think is best and right for your child, and don't let all those people talking about what you should be doing or not doing get to you. Don't have regrets, just educate yourself, seek help and expertise where you can and then next time around, when you know better, you will do better and it will never occur to you to do otherwise!!
Natasha~