natural urban mama grows up

As with anything creative, change is inevitable.

~Enya

I am in the last few weeks of my 40th year.

It has been a very interesting year to say the least.

A lot has happened in my life, both personally and professionally these last 11 and a half months.

At the end of January 2012, after much deliberation and soul-searching,  I closed my online retail business to focus my time and efforts on my family and myself. It was a bittersweet decision, but one that I do not regret in any way.

In April of 2012 we moved into our new Natural Urban Home. A house that we designed, that we put our hearts and souls into and that we continue to imbue with the spirit of our family every day. In one week we will have our first Christmas morning in this house and I have to admit that I may be just a tad bit more excited about this than the kids!

After finally getting all of us settled in the the new house, summer 2012 hit.

And was gone in a flash!

September rolled around and all of a sudden I had one child in Kindergarten and one in preschool, and it took all of us the whole month to figure out our new routines (and yet, to this day, we are late for school at least twice a week).

I think it was probably sometime around late summer that something awakened within me that made me realize what I truly wanted to DO with myself.

You know, that thing that is just for me. For my sanity, for my creativity, for me to fully express myself as a person.

I am sure you'll all have guessed by now that that "thing" was {and IS} writing.

When I am writing, I feel good. About myself and weirdly enough, about what I am contributing to the world as well.

My writing has taken a turn this year. I have figured out that I am indeed a feminist, and a somewhat outspoken one at that. I have tackled issues that are important to me and I hope I have challenged the image of what people expect a feminist to be or say or do.

I mentioned to a fellow blogger once that I felt that my "voice" was changing and she responded by saying, "Well, of course, you are going through blogger puberty."

So there you have it folks, at the ripe age of 40, this mama... this blogger... this writer, hit puberty!

Somewhere along the way and in the midst of the changes of my so called puberty, I think I outgrew the space that I had created here on the interwebs. I was no longer focused on just being the "Natural Urban Mama". My interests and my thoughts started covering broader spectrums of motherhood and feminism and community involvement. And I know that there still exists some confusion about Natural Urban Mamas and what exactly that entity was {is} now.

It wasn't until I attended a local do-gooder event and had a chance to sit down with two of my favourite blogger babes that I realized that it was time for a change.

So here we are...

On the brink of a BIG change.

One that I need and one that I hope you will all understand and choose to embrace with me.

The latter half of 2012 has been well... let's say, interesting. I am more so than ever focused on my writing and have the wonderful Alice Bradley to thank for that. I have been dealing with my usual case of the seasonal blues that kind of hit out of nowhere this year (and yes, I am getting help) AND I have two beautiful children who are venturing further and further into the world and I am feeling this overwhelming need to do something to make sure that the world they are navigating is a better one for them.

My babies are growing up, and kicking and screaming, they are bringing me along for the ride.

It's the last few weeks of December 2012 and it is time for this change to happen.

I am re-branding.

Puberty is over and it is time to shed the trappings of my {Internet} youth and be a full blown grown-up!

I am a WRITER. {I figure the more I actually type or write that out, the more I will start believing it myself!}

I am also a stay-at-home mom. Which means that with a four-year-old and a six-year-old, I am almost NEVER at home!

I am also a feminist. A label that I am wearing with more and more pride and conviction each and every day and one that speaks to all the topics that are near and dear to my heart, my soul and my mind!

So...

Without further ado.

I would like to re-introduce myself and this blog to you...

I am Natasha.

the stay at home feminist

{I think this song sums it all up very nicely! And I always love me some Stevie Nicks.}

[youtube]http://youtu.be/WM7-PYtXtJM[/youtube]

Try, try, try.

You are eleven years old. You are not good enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not smart enough.

Not worthy of his love, his time, his attention.

You are not his daughter anymore.

In the years to come

You will let countless others use you in the name of feeling something that you think is love.

You will think this means that you are wanted.

You will ask yourself over and over, every year,

Why?

What did you do?

Why did he disappear? Why did he not fight for you?

You will think it is because you are a girl and that he wanted a boy.

You will spend your life trying to please those who claim to love you.

You will give too much,

and keep nothing for yourself.

Your heart will be broken over and over

and over again.

But you won't give up.

There is a strength in you.

It is buried

Deep

But it is there.

And so you keep getting up,

You keep trying.

Because you are worthy.

You are loveable.

You are amazing.

You are strong.

You will make things right.

You know that you will never be perfect,

And that perfection is not the goal.

You know that time will heal.

You know what you need to do.

Love yourself first.

I can't stop listening to this song from the incredible, incomparable, PINK!

 [youtube]http://youtu.be/ivPEKaBHjYA[/youtube]

Natasha~

five reasons to become a parent

There is a pretty hilarious video circulating on the interwebs these days called "The Parent Rap". Seriously, go watch it here, it is worth a few giggles. What is interesting is the reaction of the singletons to this video. There seems to be this feeling of "way to convince us to NEVER have kids" that is accompanying said video. Dad trading in his sports car for a more practical sedan. Yup, that happens. Mom doing most of the cooking, cleaning and kid wrangling. It's the truth, even for the moms who work out of the home.

Parenting is all THAT and a bag of chips folks. Really. It IS!

BUT...

Just in case you need more convincing, dear singletons of the universe, I have put together a list of 5 things that are so fantastic about being a new parent that you will all be clamouring to start the process IMMEDIATELY!

1. Poop.

You know how now you just never get to talk about it? It is simply not something that comes up in casual conversation, unless of course you are telling that story about your crazy German cousin on his cross country tour and the unfortunate yet highly hilarious incident at that hostel in Montreal after an all-night rave in 2003.

Well, no more worries for you my friend! When you have a baby, poop is pretty much the number one thing that everyone is talking about. How was your first poop after birth. (FYI-doesn't hurt AT ALL!) How often is your baby pooping? What color is the poop? How chunky is it? How much poop can a diaper actually hold? How do you actually get poop stains off of popcorn ceilings? Is that mustard? So many ways to talk about poop. And most of the time with a completely straight face too. It is awesome! Trust me.

2. Sleep.

You know all those crazy drinking and partying "all-nighters" you've been pulling up until now? Well guess what!? You get to keep doing them! You get to stay up till all hours of the night with a fellow drinker! One of you is going to pass out and likely pee your pants. I won't say who. Chances are you will flash your boobs a few times during the night and at some point someone is going to be completely naked and screaming their head off too. See? Just like the good ol' days! Just remember to rehydrate. And sleep it off during the day.

3. Advice.

You know how sometimes it is hard to ask people for help or get some advice?  Well, you need not worry about that anymore! Not one little bit. You won't even have to ask. The slightest twitch of an eyebrow or hint of confusion in your face is enough for almost anyone to understand that you truly do need their ever-so-gracious tidbits of life lessons. You will be surrounded by so many lovely people just aching to give you advice on pretty much everything you do as a parent that you literally won't have to think for yourself for at least one whole year. It's so great!

4. Sex.

Sexy time. Doing it. Making love. Whatever you want to call it, you can stop fussing and thinking about it so much. Sex is not going to be taking up any more of your precious time. No more hours of foreplay and having to do it in every position imaginable. And that romp in the morning before work? Gone. You won't have to sneak out of bed to brush your teeth in the wee hours ever again. Oh, you will have to still have some sex, but now it will be more of the sea turtle kind, really, really quiet and likely scheduled into your iCalendar (cause see turtles all have iPhones, DUH!). Just think of all the time you used to spend having sex. Now you get to spend all that time doing other fabulous parent-y type things. Your life will be richer for it.

5. Your body.

You know how self conscious you are about that little bit of a roll over your jeans? Or that mole that is in that weird spot under your left boob? Or how there is the hassle of having to close the bathroom door every time you want to go pee. All that is over and done with. No longer do you have to worry about not letting random strangers touch your boobs. Totally taken care of. And all that 'private parts are private' nonsense? No worries. A few stitches in you nether region will heal you of any and all dignity you once had. It was just holding you back anyway. Now you can be free to pee with the doors WIDE open and you will also (at least for a few years) always have an audience to perform you shower singing for! Nudity FOR THE WIN people!!

So there you have it singletons. Get on out there and start your procreating so you to can reap all of these incredible benefits and SO MANY more of being a parent!

Also, learn to laugh at yourself.

A LOT!

Sincerely,

Your poop-talking, booby-baring, peeing with the door open, too many bodies in my bed, parenting guru,

Natasha~

not too late

Last month, I took a writing course with Alice Bradley, aka @finslippy and this was one of our assignments. To write about family.  A lot of the 'class' (we were all online) said that the hardest thing or the most taboo thing to write about was family. This was my homework and is part of what I am dealing with and processing at the moment.

Family.

I don’t have a lot of childhood memories. I dont’ have the 'big family Christmas dinner' memories, the 'super-fun camping in the mountains' vacation memories, or the 'mom and dad taking me to this or that sport or activity and cheering me on' memories.

I have 'packing up a house full of four kids and leaving while daddy is at work' memories. I have 'watching my daddy crying in the doorway of our new house because he doesn't understand why' memories. I have 'getting mad at daddy for reasons to this day I can’t even remember and promising never to talk to him again' memories.

I know there must have been good times in my life before {and after} these memories. I have seen the pictures. I know that my father was not a bad man. I know he was not a terrible daddy. I think he was a young one and that he was working hard to try to support his young and ever growing family and may have bitten off more than he could chew.

Or it could have been that it really was all my grandmother’s fault. My mother’s mother was not a fan of men. It’s hard to blame her really, when every single man in her life broke her heart or her body in unfathomable ways. It was her and her daughter against the world. So when this young man came into their lives and knocked up her one and only daughter, her PERSON, I think she panicked. And then slowly, over the next six years, like someone administering small doses of arsenic, I believe she poisoned my mother into thinking that he was just not good enough for her. That he wasn't a good husband, he wasn't a good father, and he wasn't a good provider.

So my mother left my father. With four kids under the age of seven.

And over the years of listening to my grandmother’s poisonous rantings, I too came to believe that he was the dead beat he was made out to be. Why didn't he call? Why didn't he want to be with us? What did I do to make him not want me?

My child’s mind made a rash decision at the age of 12 to never speak to him again. And the sad reality is that I truly did not speak to him until 11 years later at my baby brother’s funeral. And now, another whopping 19 years later, we still have not seen each other more than 3 times since that sad day.

My daddy.

My daddy who now has ALS.

And now I don’t know what do to?

He IS my father, but who is he really? A relative stranger to me and to my own children. Yet, his time on earth is limited. He is suffering and I am wondering why we have never 'fixed' this, why he stayed away and why I never asked for more from him?

And I am kicking my 12-year-old self for being such a fucking brat! And then again my 23-year-old self for being so god-damn selfish. Yes, I lost a brother that day, but he lost a CHILD.

Maybe I see this all more clearly now that I am a parent.

I have never spoken to him about ANY of this. About what he was feeling when mom left or why we stopped talking. We barely spoke when my brother died. I did not invite him to my wedding and I haven’t ever been to see him to introduce him to his grandchildren.

And now he is dying. A slow, painful, agonizing death that is going to rob him of his body and leave him his mind. A mind that is perhaps wondering all of these things as well.

I am a 40-year old woman and all I want is for my daddy to be just that.

My Daddy.

For what little time we have left.

This past weekend I spent some time with my father and we have started the healing of our relationship together. I just hope that we get the time we need to do and say all that we need to to each other, because in case you don't know, ALS is a cruel, cruel thief, robbing him blind daily.

Natasha~

I am not weak.

I am having a quicksand week. Or perhaps month. I started noticing it more after the time change. My kids were a mess and more so than ever, I was a mess. And I still am.

I am tired. Bone weary, not sure I should be driving some days, can't keep a thought in my head tired.

And I am irritable. I blame it on the tiredness, but I know it is more than that. I know I am disconnected from my life, from the people and things that are important to me. The schedule gets followed and I keep going, but there is little joy in it these days.

This is all leaving me with the slowly sinking into quicksand feeling. I can't struggle, because it will only make it worse. I will only get more tired and more irritable and I'll yell even more and grind my teeth and lose my patience and... and so I sink. I am not writing, I don't go to yoga, I don't play with my kids, I ignore others and I lose myself and hours in the mindless online black-hole that is social media.

I am not in a good place and I know it.

So I made a call.

I have an appointment in two weeks with someone to finally talk about all of this.

I am terrified.

And hopeful.

But mostly terrified.

Today, all I could think about was finding some inspiration to just keep going. To keep on my path, even though I am not 100% sure of that path and even though at the moment it looks like one fraught with thorny vines, brambles and lots of fallen logs. And quicksand.

My first stop was my go-to lady for inspiration, Elan Morgan of Schmutzie.com. Elan gave a TEDx talk in Regina last year and I had not watched it yet. So I did. And now I am telling you (and making is super easy for you) to go and watch it yourself. I love that she managed to incorporate one of her awesome lists in her talk. One that I want to copy and paste all over my walls and my brain and everywhere else I can think of.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkaBXs9aPBU[/youtube]

Elan quoted Brene Brown in her talk, so next, I headed over to Brene's TED talks and was utterly and completely blown away. The tiredness left me for a moment. My brain perked up and paid attention and so much in my life just started to make sense to me. I am still terrified, but after watching Brene's videos, I feel like the hopefulness might have gained a bit of ground.

I can't stress how much I think EVERYONE, man and woman, NEEDS to watch all of these videos. Watch them, then get your husband to watch them and then send them to your sisters, your best friends, your mom.... EVERYONE.

Here they are.

Watch this one first.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0[/youtube]

Then this one.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0[/youtube]

Brene says that "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativily and change."

Well, it's about to get all crazy-ass vulnerable around here for me and I am so ready for things to change. I really can't sink much further into this sand on my way to a breakdown spiritual awakening.

Please stick around until I come out on the other side of this.

{trying to} dare greatly,

Natasha~

When girls build the world.

  What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

I have been thinking about writing on the topic of little girls for a long time. What kind of world our daughters are growing up in and how we as modern women and feminists are shaping that world.

The US Elections were fascinating for me to watch. Time and time again we heard about and saw the attack on women by various members of the GOP and their ridiculously ignorant statements made about girls and women with regards to contraception, rape, even about actually being allowed to vote!  As a woman I was outraged and shocked by some of the hatred and bigotry being spewed by this political party. As a Canadian, I was ever so thankful for the country that I live in. As far from perfect as it may be, my rights as a woman over my body and my mind have never been an issue here!

Last week, this internal 'war on women' by the GOP was lost. BIG time. More women (1 in 5 actually) have seats in the US Senate than ever before and Tammy Baldwin became the first openly gay senator in the history of the USA. Whether or not the analysts think it is true, I personally believe that American women and the men {and women} who love them sent a very clear message that this "war" will no longer be tolerated. Women want a voice in government and one that truly represents THEM, not necessarily one who thinks HE does, but really has no clue whatsoever and prefers to keep his women in a binder!

The whole idea of women gaining some ground in the Game of Life has me stoked. If you don't know yet about how the characters line up in this game, then I highly recommend that you head over to John Scalzi's post about this. Scalzi points out, in language that he hopes most dudes might understand:

"In the role playing game known as The Real World, “Straight White Male” is the lowest difficulty setting there is.

This means that the default behaviors for almost all the non-player characters in the game are easier on you than they would be otherwise. The default barriers for completions of quests are lower. Your leveling-up thresholds come more quickly. You automatically gain entry to some parts of the map that others have to work for. The game is easier to play, automatically, and when you need help, by default it’s easier to get."

It's kind of a interesting point of view and one that has come up more than once in the past few weeks, here and here and most recently (for me at least) again this week.

On Tuesday night on my Facebook page I posted a link to a video that I found on Upworthy that described an amazing new toy designed for girls. Have a listen to Debbie, the CEO and creator of Goldie Blox explain why she developed it.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AtZfNU3zw[/youtube]

The response to her video was incredible and Debbie reached her Kickstarter goal in just 5 days! Goldie Blox is now heading to production with delivery dates scheduled for the Spring of 2013.

The next day, when I saw some of the comments left after I posted the video with the status that,"THIS toy should be on everyone's little girl's list for Christmas next year", I was confused.

One person wrote,

"Or how about every *Childs* Christmas list? My son would adore this. Wanting this toy for girls is really no different than saying certain toys are only for boys. It's definitely a great toy, would just warm my heart if it didn't have to be so gender biased. Equality, that's the goal right?"

There were more comments with variations on the same theme.Why a toy geared only to girls? Why not in more gender neutral colors? Why is Goldie a blond, blue-eyed girl? I want this kind of toy for my son too.

I thought to myself, crap, maybe I should have typed CHILD instead of GIRL in that status. Yes, it is about equality for all. Did I miss the boat on this one?

But then I stopped and thought about it some more.

And NO.

Debbie has it right.

Did you hear what she said?

"89% of the Engineers in our world are MEN. We LITERALLY live in a world built by men."

Men who were once boys, who played with Lincoln logs, Legos, Kinex and all kinds of gender neutral or primarily boy-centric building sets and toys. If this is what you want for your son, something that he is going to build things with to his little heart's content, then there is no shortage of toys and sets and games out there for him.

Girls need more toys like this. Toys that both appeal to them visually and challenge their brains as well as the status quo of what you have to be when you grow up.  Heck, I'll even make a case for the pink Lego. My little girl was not really into Lego until her Auntie bought her a bucket of the pink stuff for Christmas last year. Now we can all sit for hours and make all kinds of things with our Lego. It is all mixed together at this point, but she needed that pink push to get interested and excited about playing with it and tapping into that creative builder part of her brain. And she still calls all the pink pieces, HER Legos.

The thing I think we all need to remember is this. We do not live in a world where "all things being equal" exists {yet}. Women and girls may be 50% of the population, but in pretty much everything else we are or have it is far from being equal. Fighting for equality for all means coming to terms with the fact that that very equality does not exist. Men and boys get the default "lowest difficulty setting" in our world and girls just don't. Women and girls have to work twice as hard to have our voices heard, our rights protected, and to even the playing field in all things economic, political and social.

So no, this toy does not need to be made in gender neutral colours so that it appeals to boys too. Those toys already exist, all you have to do is visit the Lego section at any Toys R Us to see that. Goldie Blox is a fabulous addition to the toy world that will get girls interested in building and maybe even a career in engineering. And just like Debbie, I too dream of the day when all of our children get to live in a world built by both women and men!

Happy Building Girls!

Natasha~

**This is by no means a sponsored post. All opinions here are my own and I was not compensated by the company in any way. If you are interested in purchasing a Goldie Blox for your daughter or grandaughter or niece, then head over to their website HERE to get in on the action!!**

misplaced

Have you ever had one of those weeks when at any given time, you have no idea what day it is, what time it is or what or where you are supposed to be? This is happening to me right now.

And to be honest, it is freaking me out a bit.

Last night around 4:30 AM I woke up in my son's bed.

Now this in and of itself is not strange. He has been having nightmares and more than a few nights a week either Natural Urban Dad or I end up sleeping with him.

What is strange is that I have absolutely ZERO recollection of him coming to my room and waking me up and then walking down the hall to his room and getting back into bed with him.

Nada. NONE.

Try as I might to remember, any memory of this late night musical beds escapade does not seem to have been stored anywhere in my brain.

And just this very minute (or five minutes ago), I realized that I missed my favourite #BlogNow Twitter chat. Now, you'd think this wouldn't be a big deal, EXCEPT, that just two hours ago, while on Facebook, I clicked "attending" on the event for the chat that said that it was happening on NOVEMBER 13th.

Not until I was scrolling through my Twitter stream and saw all the #blognow hashtags did it actually occur to me that TODAY is in fact November 13th.

And it's not just today. If I didn't have a sister-wife/bestie with whom I spend a good 50% of my week with and who thankfully knows my schedule, I would have totally missed an appointment with my contractor today and forgotten that I was watching her kids this week too!

To make matters somewhat worse, and me somewhat more pathetic, ALL OF THIS (at least the appointment stuff) is in my calendar on all of my electronic devices. Laptop, phone, iPad... EVERYWHERE!

I don't know what the full criteria is for this, but let's just say that I think it is kind of official...

I have started to lose my ever-loving mind!!

See!

There has got to be an app for this right?

Seriously, if you have or know of an App that helps you keep track of your life, or keep you on track in your life, please share it with me. I don't know if it will help with the crazy sleep walking musical beds thing, but at least I won't miss appointments and won't have to rely on my human scheduler who, by the way, has three kids of her own, anymore!

Or maybe I just have to start going to bed earlier....

Goodnight folks.

Who knows whose bed I'll end up in tonight.

Wait...

That doesn't sound good.

Oh.

I give up!

Off to find my brain...

N~

I'm knitting with only one needle Unraveling fast it's true I'm driving only three wheels these days But my dear, how about you? I'm going slightly mad I'm going slightly mad It finally happened It finally happened - oh yes It finally happened - I'm slightly mad  Just very slightly mad! And there you have it!

I am going slightly mad.

Freddie Mercury, circa 1991~

Lose your mommy buts

This post has been brewing in my head for a few days now and I finally have some time to get it onto the screen. Last week I read this post from Rachel Martin at Finding Joy. In it, she talks about why it is OK to take a mom break.

You run on empty. I run on empty. It's the nature of our society to push everything until the last drop - and then we are beyond worn out. We wait to get gas till the light warns us that the tank is empty, we save the last drops of milk, we scrape the peanut butter from the sides of the jar - and we do the same with our self. We push, and give, and push, and give, and we often ignore the warning lights telling us to refuel.

And then shortly after I posted her link on my Facebook page, I asked the following question.

"What are you biggest barriers/obstacles to actually taking a break and taking care of yourself? (tangible ones and maybe the not so tangible as well.)"

And although I shouldn't be surprised, the overwhelming theme in all of the responses was one of guilt. Mamas feeling guilty for taking time for themselves, for spending money on themselves, for asking someone else to watch their kids so they can go do something for themselves. There were other reasons as well, but this is what really stuck out for me and to be perfectly honest, made me a little bit angry!

Yes, angry.

Which is probably why it has taken me a few days to figure out how to write this. I don't want to come across all angry bitch telling you what to do, but be warned, that I do have some brutally honest things to say on this topic (after many years of being the guilty-feeling one myself).

First of all, go back up and read Rachel's full post if  you haven't all ready.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

.

.

.

.

.

OK, so you get what she is saying right? Let your tank run on empty too long and you are just going to burn off those fumes and be DONE. Nothing left to give. Burned out. Finito. Kaput!

And then who is going to look after the kids? Who is going to breastfeed the baby? Who is going to clean the house? Who is going to get the other ones to school? Do the laundry? Have any kind of relationship with their partner? Have any kind of relationship with their kids for that matter? And one that doesn't involve resentment, or like Rachel says, that heavy feeling of drudgery?

Guilt is a self-inflicted feeling, Mamas. It is the feeling you get when you feel you have done something WRONG.

I am going to say that again.

GUILT is the feeling you get when you feel you have done something WRONG.

Can we, for a minute, examine exactly what is wrong in the situation where you feel guilty for looking after yourself?

NOTHING!

You are a human being and you have needs, just like your kids and anyone else you feel responsible for and to.

What you are not, is a super human. You need sleep. You need food. You need restoration. And for God's sake woman, you need a bloody haircut!

In all seriousness though, you need space (be it physical or mental) that is JUST FOR YOU.

I know that you are all agreeing with me 100% up to this point. I also know that you have a ridiculously LONG LIST of BUTS that you want to throw at me.

So, I thought I would address of few of the more common BUTS of mother guilt and give you some suggestions for how to remove them.

"But, I can't leave my baby because he is exclusively breastfed and he won't take a bottle from anyone."

Nurse the baby and get him nice and full. Give the baby to daddy (or grandma or auntie or babysitter), put on your big girl shoes and head out the door. Go to your favourite cafe and read a book for an hour. Go to the mall and just walk around and do some window or actual shopping for something JUST FOR YOU. Go for a walk. Go for a nap (with earplugs and explicit instructions to NOT OPEN THE DOOR FOR A FULL 60 MINUTES)! Set a timer. Be back in an hour. Do it after your partner gets home from work or on the weekend if you have to. Try not to worry, it is only an hour. And if that seems like too much, start smaller and build up to it.

You CAN do this. And really, you need to do this.

"But, I feel bad spending money on things for me (yoga, haircuts, massage) when that money could go towards something else for the family."

You do realize that you are a member of this family you speak of right?  That YOUR needs and yes, your wants, matter too? I know that maternity leave puts a crink in the finances for a lot of families and if you now have to budget a bit more carefully for these type of things, then by all means do that. Just don't erase them completely from your family budget. Make time for you and set aside the funds that you need to accomplish all that you want to do with that time as well.

And then STOP the guilt. Get that fabulous new cut and color and get to that class that you want to take. Try not to look at these necessities as things that you merely want to do, they are things that you NEED to do. For your peace of mind and to feel good about yourself. Never underestimate the power of a good haircut/massage/pedicure/run/ "insert your THING here", Mamas! Never.

"But, I don't have any childcare."

This is a biggie folks and one I am no stranger to as well. Leaving your kids with someone else is a very difficult thing to do. Finding the 'right' person can be very challenging, especially if you do not have family that lives close by or is able to help out. But, you have to try. Go to the babysitter mixers that are put on by various mom groups in your city, check the local babysitter registries, check the boards at your local grocery store, find a neighbourhood teenager who had taken their babysitting course, ask your neighbours or other moms in your playgroups if they know of anyone or can share their contacts.

And then give it a trial run. I always bring a new sitter over at a time when I will be home to let them get acquainted with my kids and our environment (and for me to see how they interact with my kids too). I know it will be tough, but once you do find someone, you have to bite the bullet and leave the house. Start out small, make it just an hour to get some errands done or to go to a class or again go to bed with those earplugs and instructions. You have to recognize that not everything is going to be done exactly as you would do it and that THIS IS OK.

And for any of you who say you can't leave your husband with the kids because he is afraid, or can't do it alone, or whatever... All I have to say to this is TOUGH PATOOTIES! This is what he signed up for and he has got to figure this shit out and yes, sometimes by himself. Show him how that baby carrier you bought him works, where the diapers are, the detailed instructions for how to prepare a bottle of breastmilk or formula and walk out the door. He has your number if he really needs you for anything.

..........

Mamas, taking time for you is not only important for your well-being and peace of mind, it is good for your kids too. You are their primary example in this world. If you never take care of yourself, how are these little people ever going to learn to do so for themselves? They need to know that you have needs to and that you too are "listening to your body" just like you tell them to listen to their's when they are tired, hungry, need to use the bathroom or just plain DONE.

My kids know how much better I feel after I go to my yoga class and they always tell me to have a good time as I walk out the door. My husband and I have regular date nights and we now make it a priority in our family schedule (this was not something we always did, but we are learning). The kids are starting to see the value in the time we spend together and have started requesting their own one-on-one "dates" with us as well.

Furthermore, kids need to know how to adapt and adjust to different situations and different people. It is a life skill and one that can not be taught in a bubble. So find that babysitter or get your crazy younger brother to come over and babysit for you and get out of the house and let them all figure a few things out by themselves. Uncle Bubbles and the babysitter from down the block are not going to read stories the same way that you do or play games the way you do and in the end, this really is a good thing.

So Mamas...

No more buts.

Take a break. Refuel. Recharge and replenish your mind, your body and your soul. Maybe you won't be able to do it all in one day, but please make it a priority and add your needs and wants to your To-Do lists and schedules and family budgets!

Do it for you, do it for your kids, and please mamas...

PLEASE.

Kick that damn guilt to the bloody curb already.

It has no business keeping you from a fabulous new haircut or that pair of leather boots or that invincible feeling you get after a really good workout!

{This is my "I just finished doing 90 minutes of Bikram yoga, don't mess with me, I am in the ZONE" face!}

Go find YOUR zone.

Love,

Natasha~