Feminist Fare Friday: The Comeback Edition
It's baaaa--aaack!
You know you've missed it. I know I have missed compiling these round-ups of the best feminist writing of the week. And yes, I know, I could just post the articles on Facebook and leave it at that, but come on, tell the truth. How many links do you save and then never go back and read? If you are anything like me, there are a lot, and then FB reminds me that I haven't read them yet and makes me feel bad about myself for not following through.
DAMN YOU FACEBOOK!
Not so with #FeministFareFriday. It's all curated and collected right here for you to peruse at your leisure, and I promise I won't badger you about it.
Anywhoo.... today's Feminist Fare is brought to you by this oldie, but a goodie from Jay Smooth.
Enjoy!
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1. Alicen Grey wrote this piece on Medium in response to another one she wrote about male feminists... And you can probably guess where THAT ONE went in the comments.#notallmen #YESallmen
“I understand why women don’t want to challenge men this directly. We share this planet with them. And there aren’t many things scarier than the prospect that half the human population can’t be trusted.
Also: we love men. We don’t just love men, we loooo0Ooooo00OOooooOOOoo0ove men. They’re our brothers, our fathers, our uncles, our sons, our friends, our partners, our mentors….
But, as James Baldwin so strikingly put it, “If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.””
2. Almost everything that Rebecca Woolf, aka GirlsGoneChild, writes has me sitting up straighter in my chair, and nodding along in righteous agreement. This #backtoschool piece over at Mom.me is no different.
“There has always been an assumption in my community—which is, btw, as privileged as it is progressive — that “when the kids go back to school” moms are FREE to throw parties, day drink and relish in their alone time, and while this might very well be the case for some, I do not know a single mom/woman for whom this is the case. So, I would like to talk for a minute about what we—men AND women—can do to put a stop to this antiquated logic. STOP THE MADNESS, GUYS! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS! I KNOW YOU CAN!”
3. Things you don't want to do in this life.... Piss off Alexandra Petri at the Washington Post. Because if you do, she is then going to write the most epic response to your DUMBASS "advice" for how to talk to women wearing headphones.
“Yesterday half your comrades were ordered to shout “Smile!” at the Woman Who Is Walking.
And the woman did. Too wide.
So wide that her mouth engulfed the street and became a vast cavern.
Six of your friends were devoured.”
**I really need this piece to be turned into some kind of spoken word performance ART!!**
4. SO MANY VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE JOKES! (That a lot of dudes didn't seem to get....hmmmm.) I liked Sara Schaefer's the best. It's going to be a busy day!!
“9:30 pm. Apply lavender oil to temples, crawl into bed. Snuggle under your hemp percale sheets; set your noise machine to “crickets+men crying.” Fall asleep censoring male speech online.”
5. I've saved what I think is the best for last. Because never, in all my years on the internet, have two sentences spoken to me so strongly as these ones that Asher Wolf wrote in her post, "Fuck You, I'd Spit in Your Cupcakes" .
“Women don’t lose themselves in motherhood; society loses them. Feminism loses the voices of women who become mothers.”
Bonus post: I love when The Oatmeal writes/draws these kinds of posts.... because, yeah, I too am perfectly unhappy. I think we should embrace this philosphy more, I bet we'd all be a bit happier. Ummm wait, I mean...
Oh, whatever, you'll get it!
Love ya kids.
N~
Butterflies and tears.
Jeepers creepers that was a fast one!
Summer that is.
I swear yesterday I was emptying backpacks and putting them away for two months, and this morning I took them down AND STILL FOUND RANDOM SHIT IN THEM FROM JUNE!
On the short drive to school today, the kids talked about the butterflies in their tummies. Nine said he had five butterflies in his, Seven said she had three. I had about FIFTY-THREE!!
Yesterday, as I was refreshing our school website over and over and over and over and over again, waiting for the class lists to be published, and fielding texts from many other anxious parents, something occurred to me. My own elementary school experience completely messed me up. To this day, walking into the kid's school and the unknown of new teachers, new classrooms, new and old friends (and/or frenemies) triggers all these feelings in me and I am once again, the new girl at school who doesn't fit in.
Except I am not that girl anymore. I am not the new kid on the block. I am a veteran at this school mom-ming stuff. I saw a new school parent first thing this morning and she lit up when she saw me and said, "Oh thank God, a familiar face."
This is what we all need right? Something or someone familiar, so we can tell all those butterflies in our tummies to calm the eff down. It's going to be okay. The kids will be alright. WE will be alright.
There were no tears from my own kids today. To be honest, there never have been on any of their first day of school drop offs. They are both so much more than I ever was or could have ever hoped for. Resilient, strong, adventurous, brave... especially in the face of far worse fates than just being the new kid.
I did witness some tears this morning and they broke my heart. One kid, the one everyone assumes is a "tough" guy, was sitting at the back of Seven's class with his head down trying to hide his wet face from all the other kids. I went over to see if he was okay and comfort him. I knew he would be eventually, but I didn't want to leave him like this. My own kid was happily ensconced between two friends and already ignoring me, but this little guy needed someone to tell him it would all work out, that it was OK to cry, and to know that someone SAW him.
I wonder how much of a difference that would have made for me all those years ago when I felt unseen, and unheard, and ashamed of my emotions? Maybe I am projecting a little here. OK, fine. A LOT! But I think this stuff matters. Our brains work in mysterious ways and walking into the school this morning, mine jumped right back to the beginning of grade four, wondering who would want to sit with me, if I would have any friends that year, and if my teacher would be as mean as the last one (seriously, my third grade teacher was a total Miss. Trunchbull).
And, I take my role as Villager Parent very seriously. I have the privilege and flexibility in my life to be able to do so. To be the parent hanging back at drop-off, or grabbing extra kids at pick-up. The one who is very often the volunteer tribute for field trips and parent council committees. The truth is, I like being a part of these school activities and events. Mostly because I enjoy getting to know the kids my own children are hanging out with day in and day out. So when someone does needs a comforting hand, or even a bit of a talking to, I am a grown-up they know and trust.
I'll check on this kid again tomorrow and you can bet, for the next few weeks as well. As for my own kids, for the first time in over two years, the first day of school was completely NORMAL for us.
I don't think any of us knew how much we needed that.
See? Totally and completely "normal".
N~
Summer Rules! A double entendre.
Summer is one of those times everyone looks forward to from about mid-May, to the very last day of school. Kids, parents, teachers - everyone is just holding on in those last few weeks, waiting until the freedom of summer break lets them all off the hook for two whole months!
And two days later, amidst the whining about being bored, that there is no food in the house, and "Pleeeeeeaaaaase Mom, I need more time to play Minecraft", every parent at home with their kids just wants to send them right back to school!
My own kids are in a few week-long camps later this summer and are really looking forward to them. Seven is doing a MasterChef styled cooking camp and Nine is off to Paleontology camp at our local university. Other than that, during the day, it's me, and them, and only 90 minutes of screen time allowed.
So here we are, already three weeks into summer, and I've decided we need to establish a few other summer "rules" as well. These are as follows:
- 30 minutes of writing, colouring or drawing.
- Make/build something for at least 30 minutes.
- Play outside for 30 minutes.
- Practice/play guitar for 20 minutes.
- READING for 30 minutes.
The great thing about kids is once they get involved in an activity, 30 minutes can easily stretch to an hour or more. In our house, reading tends to be a bit harder to get going, and for the kids to stay motivated - especially for Seven who is still working on it and just getting into small chapter books.
Both my kids are fact-loving little learners, and like to know how things work, what happens in different countries and cultures, and all matter of weird and wonderful facts about the world they live in. So when I was asked if we wanted to receive and review a copy of the National Geographic Kids Almanac 2017, I jumped at the chance to get them something that could really captivate them, and fill those 30 minutes of reading time!
the page they are reading - 8 Daring women in Canadian History!
(I swear I didn't put them up to this or choose the page to read!)
This latest edition of the Almanac features 350+ pages of incredible photos, annual events, fun facts, crafts (which Seven keeps asking me to do!), activities and features about animals, science, exploration, technology, politics and more topics to keep little minds thinking and busy. And it's not just for the kids! I keep picking up the book and flipping to random pages to learn something new. Like the names of all 22 of our Canadian Prime Ministers, or the fact that the Arctic Sea Ice minimum is decreasing at such an alarming rate that scientists are concerned that the Arctic will become ice free during the summer months sometime this century!
This is scary!
The kids have also decided to take up the Almanac NewsMaker Challenge and create a virtual time capsule to show future kids what life is like in 2016. The part about it being a "virtual" time capsule, and that we don't have to actually put all of their treasured items into a capsule and bury it took some explaining, but they get it now, and are busy gathering all their favourite things to do, read, eat, and play with.
If your kids are already singing the "I'm bored." summertime blues, get them in on the fun (and out of your hair for a bit). Visit natgeokids.com/almanac to get all the details and how to enter the challenge and upload their photos. I suspect a plethora of Minecraft, Harry Potter, Frozen, and Pokemon Go pictures will be highly featured in many of the 2016 virtual time capsules.
Here's what Seven and Nine have put together so far:
I also asked Seven to tell me what she liked most about the Almanac and she insisted on writing a "Book Report" in her journal. Here is her completely unbiased review:
She really likes animals!
You can get the National Geographic Kids Almanac 2017 wherever books are sold or on Amazon. As for the remainder of our summer over here, I am happy to have this book around because it is totally helping out with our new Summer Rules. It gets my kids reading and discovering new things, and also inspires them to draw and create, and to get outside and explore their world. So, here's to ALL of us surviving the summer together and learning lots of cool stuff along the way.
N~
P.S.: From page 231, ARRRGH! 17 Facts about Pirates
“#13. Pirates drank Grog, a mixture of rum, lime juice and water. Vitamin C from the lime helped prevent scurvy, a disease that can cause swelling, bleeding, and tooth loss.”
Sounds good to me!
Cheers!
I am 78.4% sure this is exactly how the pirates served it!
**This is a sponsored post. All opinions, content and photos are my own and those of my test subjects, ummm, I mean kids! ;)**
Pigs are not food....
Two months ago, my youngest child announced to us that she is now a vegetarian.
This happened to coincide with her age appropriate realization that pork = pig and beef = cow.
And my girl loves pigs. Like really loves them. Like, has a girl gang with a couple of friends and they call each other, Space Piggy 1, Space Piggy 2, and SpacePiggy 3. AND she spawns and collects all the pigs in Minecraft, AND she has created a whole story world around a family of little pigs that she refers to as Pigibo Jr. and family.
Oh, and we also finished reading Charlotte's Web and watching the movie right before all of this went down.
It's not hard to see that Pigs are special to my girl.
Yes, she even has a pig hat.
And because I am that parent who believes my kids are actual people, allowed to have their own opinions and thoughts and desires, I respect her wishes in this regard. We have been making the necessary changes to our meal planning and grocery shopping since her big announcement and so far all is going quite smoothly.
To be completely honest, this hasn't been much of a big deal really. As a family, we've been slowly moving away from eating red meat this past year, and we only eat pork sourced from local, free-range, organic farmers.
AND the thing making my life even easier is our fabulous grocery delivery service, SPUD.ca. They have a handy, dandy section dedicated to simple meal packs and boxes with plenty of vegan and vegetarian options for our family of four.
I've been letting Seven help me with the weekly "shopping" and she's been picking out one meal pack a week, based on her preferences. We've had a lovely Chickpea and Quinoa salad (which was a miracle, because up until now she had refused to eat both of these things!), our usual tofu stir-fry, and last week she wanted to have the Vegan Finger Food meal.
Gardein makes some wonderful vegan options and we've been sampling a lot of them lately in our weekly SPUD order. The Crispy Tenders are a hit with both the vegetarian and the meatatarians in my house, and the Alexia Sweet Potato Fries have been a fave for a while now.
Also, this simple meal is a great one on those hot days. It's quick, easy, and the fresh crisp veggies quench both thirst and hunger. I swear my kids could eat a whole basket of these sweet local grape tomatoes in one sitting!
We do our family meal planning and Spud shopping on Sundays, and I can't wait to see what she is going to choose for us to try next week.
Check out all the different Meal Packs Spud has to offer (not all are vegetarian) and if you decide to give them a try, remember to use the code: CREDM-CHINAA to get $20 off your first order!
*I am a local Spud Ambassador and this post is brought to you by the lovely folks at Spud.ca.
All opinions are my own and those of my picky little eaters!*
Cheers,
N~
self-preservation
When I am feeling down, I am usually quite good at recognizing that I need to slow down, get off the internet, organize myself a bit more, and engage in some self-care. I routinely refuse to get the gel-nail pedicure at my wonderful little nail salon because I actually don't want it to last longer. When my nail polish starts to chip, I know it's time for me to get a weird chair massage (seriously the part of the chair that "massages" my butt feels so wrong), a new colour on my toes, and to zone out for a bit.
Self-care can take the form of many things and for me, routine and order is one of them. I also like some good old retail therapy, and a giant bowl of popcorn and red wine for dinner. Sharing and making other people happy is also a form of self-care for me.
In that vein, here you go: some of my most recent favourite things to help on days when you need a little pick-me-up.
...........
1. The Blackbird Potpie at BlackBird Cafe. This single serving potpie is made with a creamy mushroom filling and served with a delicious tomato chutney. I like to get it with the House Kale and Spinach salad. It is my comfort food right now. And the coffee at Blackbird is fabulous too, and as of this week, the staff know my order and have officially granted me "Regular" status!
Comfort food is good for the soul.
2. BAMBOO BED SHEETS. (That's it, just get some. Seriously!) The ones we have are from one of my favourite local boutiques, My Filosophy, and I don't know why we waited so long to get them.
only downside is it is so hard to get out of bed now!
3. This new lipgloss from Lipstick Queen. Don't let the Elphaba green sparkle fool you. This stuff is all kinds of witchy and wonderful and goes on green and within about 20 seconds changes colour according to the body temperature and PH of your lips. Mine goes a nice natural pink colour and really, who couldn't use a little bit of magic in their day?!
Available at Lux Beauty Boutique.
4. I am reading the MaddAddam trilogy from Margaret Atwood and have fallen in love with her writing all over again (it's been far too many years since I first read The Handmaid's Tale). ORYX & CRAKE was phenomenal, and I have just started The Year of the Flood. Get your summer reading on and pick up all three books from your favourite bookstore or get on the wait list for a copy at your local library!
5. I know you probably have a long queue of shows to watch piling up on your Netflix List, but if you like the female prison drama genre (and OOOOwheeeeee do we ever have to talk about OITNB Season 4 another time), you'll need to add one more. This one is a Canadian production called Unité 9 and is set in a women's prison based on the real one in Joliette, Quebec. The show does have subtitles, so you can totally follow along even if you aren't a little Frenchie like me. The acting is wonderful, the character development superb, and I can't get enough of it right now.
6. Hair products. It's what happens when you finally take the plunge and say to your stylist. "OK, just cut it all off!" I have been a Kevin Murphy user for a few years now and love that these products are eco-friendly, free of all the bad things and do the job they are supposed to do. The two products pictured below are my go-to duo for keeping my fabulous new coif, coiffed! Oh, and you only need a tiny bit of each - as with all KM products, a little goes a long way!
These should last me at least one year.
..........
The world is a nasty place right now, and we have much work to do to clean it up and make it better. And we will. I truly believe that. But we can't do any of that if we don't take care of ourselves first. Like the amazing poet and activist Audre Lorde said, self-care is in and of itself an act of political warfare.
Do what you must to preserve yourselves people.
So you can get up and fight the good fight again tomorrow.
With new polish on our toes, a good meal in our bellies, and pretty pink lips.
Much love,
Natasha~
feel good friday
Ever have one of those weeks where, whether it is true or not, you feel like the world is against you and nothing is good and life is shit?
That's me this week. And I've been trying not to have a giant pity party for myself, but it has been a struggle and all came to a head on Wednesday.
Earlier that morning, while out walking Willow, I fell. And by fall, I mean, I stepped into an overgrown grassy hole in the ground, rolled by ankle all the way over and then did what in my mind was a graceful tuck and roll down a small hill, but in reality, was probably something more like this:
I sat on the ground cradling my ankle, making whimpering noises for a good fifteen minutes, while my dog ran off to do her business as far away from me as possible (which might be the only silver lining here - I didn't fall IN any dog poop).
When I was able to finally get up, I went on the search for the poop ('cause I am not THAT person) and on my way back to my car, realized my keys had flown out of whatever pocket I had put them in while I was rolling down the hill. By this point, I'd like it known (ie - give me a damn cookie here!) I had not yet succumbed to the flood of tears building up inside me and threatening a giant headache to put the icing on my shit cake of a week.
After what seemed like a very long time, and some serious breathing exercises to shake off the impending panic attack, like a beacon on a foggy night, I finally saw the tell-tale sparkle of my keys in the grass, and Willow and I headed back home. Where I promptly got the ice pack from the freezer, put it on my ankle, made a nest of pillows and blankets on the couch, and settled in for some serious self-pity time, a few tears, a giant bowl of Boom Chicka popcorn, and 5 hours of Unité 9 (my new favourite prison drama on Netflix).
Today is a better day. The swelling is down on my poor ankle. My back is feeling better after a couple of trips to the chiropractor (did I mention that I threw my back out WALKING a few weeks ago?), and I have done the laundry - which is kind of like a "how awful is Natasha feeling" gauge in my house. This week we were all almost out of clean underwear, and precariously close to the red DANGER zone!
This weekend is going to be one of self-care, and surrounding myself with the people I love, and who love me back. I will also be staring at these two great photos of my kids that the lovely and talented Julia Gabriel shot a few weeks ago. I can't wait to get them on canvas and onto a wall somewhere!
Sometimes all it takes to turn things around is a good hard look at what is good and beautiful in your life, and sometimes you may also have to up your dose of antidepressant again. Either way, life is not shit, the world is not against me, and it will all be OK.... eventually.
(repeat, repeat, repeat)
N~
Repeat after me: NO MORE "mompreneur"!
I know, I know, there is a theme going on with my last couple of posts. I won't apologize for this, because using these unnecessary and condescending portmanteaus is something I feel very strongly about.
A few weeks ago, I attended a conference for my industry, something many professionals do to stay up to date with the latest trends in their fields of expertise and to share their wisdom and successes with peers from far and wide. When I was a sales rep for pharmaceutical companies, I attended quarterly business meetings and large medical conferences. When I was in retail sales, I attended trade and buying shows/exhibitions. Now that I am an online writer and blogger, I attend Social Media and Blogging conferences.
My favorite for the past three years is called Mom 2.0 Summit , and yes, it is a conference primarily targeted to the parent blogging and social media community. Like it or not, this is an industry, with an estimated 4.4 million mothers blogging at least once a month (2014 data).
It is hard to ignore the power and reach this kind of online presence has in our world.
And yet, there is a part of me that still feels as if, even though many women have carved out a space as well as an industry for themselves online – and are doing incredible things within that space and beyond – we are still not viewed as capital P – professionals in our own rights. Part of that reason lies directly on us and, in my opinion, on the words and “industry jargon” we use to describe and label ourselves. You know the ones; MOMpreneur, MOMMY-blogger,MOM-boss, GIRL-boss, LADY-blogger...
**comma not hypen**
Mommy-blogger.
This is what I am often called.
I am a mom. I have a blog.
Ergo, if the shoe fits and all, right?
But what if the shoe fits, but it's a shoe that is really not your style? Do you still wear it? Go around telling everyone about your well-fitting, but ugly as all get out SHOES?
PEOPLE! I DON'T *DO* UGLY SHOES!!
EXhibit one. **NOT UGLY** shoes.
I mean, even the homeless guy I walked past today noticed and complimented me on my shoes. HE GETS ME!
So one might ask, if you are not a mommy blogger, then why oh why are you heading out shortly to a conference called the Mom 2.0 Summit, with the theme of "Redefining Motherhood"?
Honestly...?
I am just going for the swag.
OK, just kidding.
I am really going to get away from being a mom for five whole days and focus solely on myself and doing/being/creating ALL FOR ME!
I mean, I love my family to bits and pieces, but I kiss them goodbye the morning of my flight and then I am gone. In all senses of that word.
I drive to the airport and I have only one person's bags to worry about. One passport to keep track of, once nice big coffee to buy and fully enjoy while I read my book or scroll through my Twitter feed, with no one clamouring to play Minion Rush on my phone, as I leisurely wait for my boarding announcement. I have snacks I don't have to share with anyone. No one I need to talk to. I board the plane, plug in my headphones and watch or listen to anything I want.
I don't have to actively MOM or WIFE anyone or anything the minute that plane takes off, and there is something absolutely freeing and almost taboo about actually admitting that I love that feeling.
Of leaving.
* * * * *
Motherhood is a forever double edged sword. Your body, your brain, your heart, your mind, none of you is ever simply all yours anymore. There is a saying about having kids is like having your heart walking out in the open, and it is not wrong. What they forget to put in all those sappy Hallmark cards though is those parts of you walking around being actual complete human beings themselves, can also suck the life out of you and leave you feeling drained, exhausted, raw, taken for granted, and at times, rather unloved.
Until bedtime that is, and then all they want is for you to cuddle them as they tell you that you are "the "Bestest Mom Ever" and can you please rub my back and do "moon is round" on my face." And they fall asleep in your arms and are finally not talking back to you and glaring at you like The Dark Side has taken over when you simply pointed out that they should not ride their bikes in the middle of a busy road, and all is forgiven and the weight of their beautiful little head on your arm is enormous and starting to ache a bit, as is, coincidentally, your love for them.
And that is it really, isn't it? Motherhood is a huge weight. One we carry around far longer than those few months in/on our bodies as we grow these tiny humans. It's a weight we can't ever shed, no matter how much we run, workout or go to hot yoga classes. It's those "last 10 pounds" that won't ever go away, and the longer you hold them the heavier they start to feel. It is a feeling that is virtual and real, and wonderful and awful, and so, very heavy and then so completely light as air. It's a never-ending rollercoaster of highs and lows. Sometimes you throw your hands up in the air and revel in the pure exhilaration if it all, and other times it takes all you have to hold back the bile that is creeping up the back of your throat and you close your eyes and pray for a break. Just a tiny little break to put your head between your legs and catch your breath.
And that my friends, is why in one week I will be boarding a plane and heading to the shores of California. To catch my breath. To enjoy a week with dear friends I see once a year, and to regroup and focus on myself - my goals and my dreams and my life - in a way that I am not able to do when I am home and have to be the manager of all the things for everyone and carry around SO. MUCH. WEIGHT.
* * * * *
Like I mentioned earlier, this years theme at the Mom 2.0 Summit is "Redefining Motherhood". It's about parenting in the digital age, and how motherhood has changed and continues to change. When I read the announcement about the theme a few months ago, my first thought wasn't about how we are redefining motherhood, but more so on how motherhood redefines women and how we are constantly adjusting our lives, our thoughts, our goals, and our dreams accordingly.
I am at a point in my own life where I realize that motherhood can not be the main or only thing that defines me. I will always be mommy to two incredible human beings and for that I am eternally grateful, but I am so much more. I am a whole human being, with complexities that go beyond meal planning, soccer game scheduling, household duties, the school PTA, the never-ending piles of laundry, and all other duties I fulfil as a mother and at home parent.
And this is why I cringe at the term 'mommy-blogger' or any other mom-ified words that get thrown around. It is not that I feel that the word Mommy is a derogatory one; on the contrary, it is one that I cherish, has deep meaning to me through my children, far beyond anything I could have imagined, and one that will always be the tug on my heart I can never ignore. And though I share the moniker with millions of other women on this planet, it is one so incredibly personal and intimate as well.
All of this to say that I would really like everyone to stop making "mommy" (and by extension, motherhood itself) seem cutesy and inferior and disposable by hyphenating it to all the activities/jobs/endeavers/accomplishments that women who are mothers do or are involved in, thereby rendering all important roles in a person's life feeling trite and plebian. Something that I guarantee you, they are NOT!
I am a human being, a woman, a feminist, a writer, a partner, a mother, a blogger...
and so much more.
***comma not hyphen***
Thank you,