I didn't cry.
Even when this happened right in front of me!
My babies are both going to school.
Their classrooms are in the same hallway,
they see each other at recess and they are out there navigating their world without me.
For a few hours at least.
I am left with feelings of pride, some fear, MUCH love,
and much to my surprise,
very little sadness.
And really, it's just too hard to be sad about something that she is so excited about!
Yay School!!
Natasha~
P.S. I went for a massage this morning. NOT sad about being able to do that!
Feminist Fare Fridays: Edition #4
Phew! Is anyone else exhausted after the first week of school? And I don't mean the kids! This was my first week of making lunches everyday, of walking to school and starting to figure out our new one in full-day and one in half-day routines. And so, with school in mind, I give you somewhat of an education-based round up of feminist fare this week!
....................
1. I have a couple of blogging heroes and one of them is the wonderful Annie Urban at Phd in Parenting. (She is one hell of a dance partner too!) And just in case you need to know why, just check out her post on all the back to school and back to gender-role stereotyping that we are inundated with at this time of year. I personally have made a strong effort to stay away from and not buy clothing that turns my kids into walking brand advertisements and reinforces the pink/blue world that we live in! And while I may have favourited a bunch of those "what to make for my kid's lunch" posts" for future reference, the assumption and reinforcement of parental gender roles by mass media is maddening! And PLEASE, make sure you also click on that last link in her post and read up on why mothers shouldn't have opinions.
2. And speaking of mothers and their opinions. There were PLENTY this week in the world of the "mommy bloggers". One particular blogger, we'll call her Mrs. Hall, had a lot to say to all the girls tempting her teenage sons with their racy pyjama'd and {ahem} bra-less Instagram pictures. And then the internet quite literally exploded with various other "open letters" to Mrs. Hall, to the teenage girls she is supposedly addressing and to anyone and everyone who read her post and had an "Uhh, what the...?" kind of reaction to it. I don't have much to add to the conversation that has not been said in the above posts, but suffice it to say I believe that it is this kind of perpetuating of our sexual stereotypes that leads to....
3. THIS! A university's frosh week with 80 student leaders, "leading" 300-400 students into their new lives on campus with a chant about rape. Seriously people, I wish I was kidding. I wish the St. Mary's student union president had not called this chant an "oversight". I wish that just because something has been done "for years" doesn't mean that is is OK and should be continued. I wish that sending a daughter to university didn't mean having to send her with a rape-whistle and a talk about NEVER walking back to her room at residence alone at night. And I hope that this is indeed a teachable moment for these students and for all of us about the pervasiveness of sexism and rape-culture in our {children's} worlds!
4. And then I read something like this and my faith is somewhat restored and I know that the daughters we are all raising will be stronger. That one day very soon, they will be the confident, wonderful, intelligent and fierce women that this world needs!
5. This one has nothing to do with feminism. I just think that this might be the most ridiculously awesome thing I have seen on the internet in ages. And I like foxes!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/jofNR_WkoCE[/youtube]
Happy Friday everyone!
natasha~
(Update: If you have a few hours, Jenna Hatfield at Blogher did a nice round-up of most of the responses to the original post in #2.)
and he's off...
To Grade One that is.
A full day,
a very full backpack,
a mama's heart full of pride and love for her little man,
and about 25 retakes just to get one decent "Back to school" photo!
Seriously folks, six year olds and cameras = opportunity for all the faces!
This one is the keeper!
And yes, he has decided to be an illustrator. The kid has some mad drawing skillz folks!
I hope the first day of school (or non-school) was awesome for you and yours too!
Natasha~
My addiction
This was an assignment I wrote for a writing workshop I took last year.
I reread it tonight and it made me laugh...
because nothing has changed!
I hope you like it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can feel the pull.
It really is only about 22 steps from where I am right now.
And it will be warm.
And soft.
And I can just drift away from all of this.
This.
This never-ending LIST of things that I need to do.
The list I have been avoiding for so long.
The piles and baskets of bright coloured clothing that are scattered along my hall are looking more and more like permanent fixtures and they keep growing in height and depth.
I don’t know where all of these papers keep coming from. It is like a tree gets cut down once a day in here and all of it’s byproducts end up on my desk and scattered across the kitchen counters. I swear I just filed it all and emptied the pretty blue box yesterday.
If I could just close my eyes for a little bit, I can do it all later.
Everyone else in this house is sleeping right now. Why can’t I?
BECAUSE!
That is what you did yesterday and the list that was supposed to be finished then is now added to the list that is for today.
YOU JUST CAN’T.
PIck up this, put away that, wipe this, wash that, fold this, call so and so, book this appointment, get nephew a birthday present, plan this party, get a new windshield, schedule our next date night, etc...
Sleep is a powerful drug.
There are no problems when one is sleeping. The lists do not exist when I am curled up in my bed. I don’t have to deal with anything when I am sleeping. The kids will sleep with me and we are all happy and there is no yelling, no threatening to take away this or that toy, just peace and snuggles and...
Void.
But I can’t. If I go there now, then there will be three days of to-do lists TO ACTUALLY DO,
and I will soon be buried in those bright piles of clothes and papers.
It’s a game actually. One that my mind likes to play with me.
"How far can we push her? Let's make her eyes go buggy, droop those eyelids a bit more, convince her that it can all be done later.
Come on Natasha, only 15 minutes, then you will feel all refreshed and can get back to work."
But it never works like that. Once sleep catches me, she doesn’t let me go. She makes my limbs heavy, my head heaviest of all and won’t let me wake up after a mere 15 minutes. That does not appease her.
So I have to say no. I have to fight her off. If I keep moving, she won’t catch me. If I sit down, if I stop, she knows she has won.
This may sound silly, but no matter how much I want to be 22 steps from where I am right now, snuggled in my bed with the 4.5-year-old miniature version of myself, I can’t go there.
I have to GET THINGS DONE.
My name is Natasha Chiam.
I am addicted to sleep.
It has been 3 days since my last nap.
....................
Post #2 for today and the #summerblogchallenge.
Don't you feel lucky?
What I REALLY did on my summer holidays...
So... remember back in June when I was all, "I am making a Summer Bucket list and we are going to do ALL THE THINGS??" Yeah, well...
One week into summer holidays and I may have felt like this.
Ok, maybe not a huge mistake, but one that I needed to correct to ensure we all survived the summer (and each other!). Yes, that's right. We NEEDED a summer camp or two in between all our bucket listing to keep us from imploding and to give us all a slight break from each other.
I found two great programs that miraculously still had spots open and booked my kids in them as fast as I could type my credit card info onto the online registration page! Both programs were wonderful, the kids had a blast, they met new friends and learned a couple of new skills too. It was a win for us all.
Ah, but did we get to do all the things on our bucket list? That's the big question right? I am happy to say that for the most part, yes we did. Also, my kids like the simple things in life, so 'go to a movie' (Despicable Me 2), do a craft (lots of drawing happened this summer) and 'make friendship bracelets' (with their awesome babysitter) were easy ones to tick off the list.
C had a few on his list that we just didn't have the time or resources or know how to do, like learn to longboard, go fishing, and learn to play the ukelele, but we will definitely keep them on the list for the coming year. And L was all about spending time at our local spray park/playground, being a 'beach girl' on holidays and finally mastering the fine art of bike riding!
So, I don't know if I caved to the power and lure of the Summer Camp gods or what, but it's all kind of a moot point now. Summer is over, we all had fun, we made some great memories, I did not take enough pictures and school is back in session.
Now get to bed people!
Tomorrow is a big day.
natasha~
...................
I kind of wanted to take a break from my computer and social media for the weekend, but that is hard to do when one is supposed to be in a 30 day #SummerBlogChallenge.
So here is post one for tonight... there may be another...
In the meantime, please visit the other bloggers who are being much more vigilant than I with their daily posts.
Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy ~ Kim
feminist fare fridays: edition #3
Well, thanks the the VMAs last Sunday, there was no lack of fodder for everyone on the internet to write about this week. Slut-shaming, cultural appropriation, misogyny, the faces of the Smith family. It was a regular free-for all for anyone with an opinion and a platform with which to share it! Psst, we may also on the brink of a huge international conflict/war, but that doesn't seem to get as much airtime as a giant foam finger these days. So, in true hypocritical style, I give you your weekly round-up of Feminist Fare (not all of it is about the VMAs).
................
1. There seems to be a new thing going around on the internet. Steal someone's photo (from their website, Facebook page or Flickr stream) and make it into a supposedly disparaging "This is what a Feminist looks like" meme. I have seen it done twice in the past few weeks and both times, the victims of these cowardly and juvenile acts have responded with class and SASS and put these basement dwelling, high-fiving each other over their oh-so-witty-mysogynistic meme-making, {ahem} teeny-weenies, well back in their places.
The first was Kelly Martin Broderick whose picture was stolen, altered and then posted back to Facebook as a fat-shaming, anti-feminist meme. Read her story here on xoJane. I am sad to say that I not surprised at Facebook's lack of response to this and I LOVE what Kelly herself has done in response. Please visit her new We Are What Feminists Look Like tumblr page and if you like, submit a photo too! Feminism is not a fashion sense, it is not a colour, it is not a gender, and it is not backing down when someone thinks they can use mean words or memes to "hurt" you!
The second was a BRILLIANT response by John Scalzi to a "dudebro" who took a photo from John's website and made it into the not-as-terrible-as-he-thought "This is what a feminist looks like" meme. Scalzi took the time to address this issue and in doing so utterly schools the "dudebro" in what a feminist actually is, how to do a meme right and gives said "dudebro" an good kick in the pants all the way around his 5 acres of wonderfully manicured lawn! I am pretty sure that my feminist hero this week is a
"...slightly chubby, slightly balding, middle-aged dude in a mint green regency dress."
2. Blurred Lines. Yes, yes, I know, I have already posted about how I feel about this song and the artist, but I had to share this. After viewing countless parody videos about the song, I think Melinda Hughes has finally hit the nail on the hammer so to speak! By completely rewriting the song and rearranging the context, there should be no more blurriness here. It is about consent folks, and NO, you don't know if "I really want it" unless I say so!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/WVI9PfBzsA8[/youtube]
3. I wrote last week about my worries with both of my babies being in school this year. I chalked up my misgivings and anxiety about school to my past and my own experiences and while those reasons are still true, this week I read a post on Everyday Feminism from Walker Karaa that made me really examine the concept of feminist parenting and the culture of gossip and the "double-binds" that exists on our schoolyards. And I don't mean with the kids!
"The small talk that women have with which to socialize with one another on the school yard is language of comparison and complaint, not connectivity or co-constitutive relationship."
The article is an interesting analysis of the parental school yard dynamic and has cleared up a few things for me. 1)Why I often feel like I don't "fit in" with some of the other parents at our school and 2) Why I don't ever want to!
*Of note: The only objection I have to the article is her take on home- or un-schooling and the reasons why families choose this form of education. None of the families I know who homeschool are doing it our of fear and mistrust.
4. I know you want to see something about Miley Cyrus here this week. Something about how awful her VMA performance was (it really was), how she is guilty of misappropriating black culture (Oh yes, she did, and not very well either), of being a terrible example to our children and of just being far too sexual a being for national television (all signs of Hannah Montana are GONE, gone, gone).
Well, here you go. I know, this is the second time "Blurred Lines" and Robin Thicke get a mention in one round-up, but I think you will all appreciate what Eric Clapp has to say on the subject.
"It starts with understanding that as men, our value does not come from how much power we hold over women. Our value comes from being respected and being loved as we respect and love the people who matter to us."
And if you want, you can click on all the links in his post to see what everyone else has been saying about this too.
5. And the winner of this week's 'Thing that happened that makes me weep for humankind' award, is by far the judge in Montana who technically sentenced a rapist to 15 years in prison and then suspended 14.936 of that sentence so that this 50 year old man, a teacher, who raped a 14 year old girl and was CONVICTED of this crime, will only serve 30 days in jail. His reasoning you ask? Because the victim (who later committed suicide) was "older than her chronological age", oh and just so you know, "It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies."
Sigh... People, I can't even begin to say all the things that I want to say here. Luckily (and unfortunately at the same time), Emily at xoJane was brave enough to tell everyone WHY this is beyond wrong.
"The fact is, a 14-year-old girl may be capable of agreeing to sex with a 49-year-old man, but she doesn't have the emotional and mental maturity to consent. I was 25 before I realized that every man I'd slept with as a teenager was a pedophile."
...............
And on that note, I think we should all take a little break from the internet this long weekend. What say you?
natasha~
Time to grow up: My thoughts on urban sprawl
Last night I watched an episode of 'House Hunters' on HGTV Canada. The hunters in question, pregnant with their first child, and living in a 650 sq. foot 1 bedroom apartment, were looking to buy a new home for their growing family. The number one criteria on their house wish list was to stay in the Old Town district of Alexandria, Virginia. They looked at the requisite three properties. The first one was an older home and needed way too much upgrading to be financially viable for them, the second was a completely renovated 900 square foot row house a 10 minute walk from Old Town that was $15,000 above their budget and the third was a beautiful 1900 sq ft home, $30,ooo below budget, with a huge backyard, but 8 miles (~13 km) away from where they wanted to be. After the suspenseful cut and commercial break, my husband and I were somewhat shocked that in the end they chose the second house, paid the full list price for it and gained a mere 250 more square feet of home. They got exactly what they wanted though and that was to be right in the thick of Old Town Alexandria. Able to walk or take public transit to anywhere they needed to be, shop locally, and enjoy their community as the backyard in which they wish raise their child.
..........
We are in the middle of a civic election in my fair city. And this one is kind of a big deal. Our current Mayor is stepping down and not running for re-election and we have a potential for 7 out of 13 councillor positions up for grabs from newbies. It is an interesting time to be an Edmontonian.
Yeah, that's right, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. We have 6-8 months of winter, 2 months of festivals (summer) and a couple of brown months in between. And according to the most recent census (2011), Edmonton is the second fastest growing metropolis in Canada, just slightly behind our neighbours to the south in Calgary.
Our growth is a good thing. It means more people are wanting to come and live and work and raise their families in our city. It means more businesses want to open up shop in our city and bring good people with them. It means that our reputation is growing in a positive way outside of our city boundaries.
And yes, it also means that these same city "boundaries" are being pushed as well to accommodate our growth. I used to be able to tell you what the farthest most neighbourhoods in our city were and could navigate this city that I knew by heart. Now I have no idea where I am going half the time and I have to rely on Siri to tell me where to turn and when I have FINALLY reached my destination . Every day a new development is being advertised, more farmland is being taken over and we are inching closer and closer to our neighbouring cities and towns. Oh, Edmonton is growing alright, kind of like a 50 year old man with a penchant for a daily dose of A&W Teenburgers, we keep growing OUT and having to loosen up our belts more and more.
I think this is a problem for our city. I think that we are being sold a story of "responsible urban planning" by those who have a vested interest in such development. And I believe that the citizens of Edmonton who have bought into the idea that a home is only a home if you have a backyard and that one can only raise a family and live well in the suburbs are starting to feel the sting of these stories. A lack of infrastructure in these fast-tracked developments leaves city planners scrambling to provide decent public transportation to and from these areas, enough schools and community support for all of these new families and an open door policy for big box stores to accommodate the masses, a practice that inevitably drives out more and more locally-owned small businesses.
I also happen to believe there is a better way and I am not the only one. I think it is time for our city to grow UP as well as OUT. I think we need to take a closer look at different ways to create vibrant, new-ish, communities within our current boundaries. I believe that there are a lot more "House Hunters" out there looking for the same kind of live, play, work, raise-my-family-in-my-community-back-yard, that the couple above was looking for and that our city has a huge potential to develop communities like this within our core. The good news is that it is starting to happen already.
I firmly believe that our new mayor and city council need to take a good hard look at our city and really decide what is best for current and future Edmontonians going forward (and not what is in the best interest of the developers who pad their election campaigns). How can we make living in our city's core more appealing to families coming to Edmonton? How do we develop our city so that the only option for family housing is not a cookie cutter box in the suburbs on the outskirts of the city, with one skinny tree on the front yard and an hour long bus ride for junior to get to his/her school? How can we address higher density housing and building family-friendly communities? What about infill development in mature neighbourhoods? These are the kinds of questions that I am wondering about as we head into this election and this next chapter in Edmonton's history. This is the kind of change and leadership I am looking for from my new mayor and city councillors.
So.
Candidates.... who's up for this? Who wants to make Edmonton not only one of the fastest growing cities in Canada, but also one of the SMARTEST growing cities in Canada?
Natasha~
P.S. Check out my Twitter timeline from earlier this afternoon for a lively discussion of this and other #yegvote concerns from myself and some other concerned citizens. I should really learn how to Storify these things...
P.P.S. Let's all pretend that I published this 30 minutes ago. This is the August 29th #summerblogchallenge post!
Photo Credit: Darren Kirby on Flickr.