feminist fare fridays: edition #3
Well, thanks the the VMAs last Sunday, there was no lack of fodder for everyone on the internet to write about this week. Slut-shaming, cultural appropriation, misogyny, the faces of the Smith family. It was a regular free-for all for anyone with an opinion and a platform with which to share it! Psst, we may also on the brink of a huge international conflict/war, but that doesn't seem to get as much airtime as a giant foam finger these days. So, in true hypocritical style, I give you your weekly round-up of Feminist Fare (not all of it is about the VMAs).
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1. There seems to be a new thing going around on the internet. Steal someone's photo (from their website, Facebook page or Flickr stream) and make it into a supposedly disparaging "This is what a Feminist looks like" meme. I have seen it done twice in the past few weeks and both times, the victims of these cowardly and juvenile acts have responded with class and SASS and put these basement dwelling, high-fiving each other over their oh-so-witty-mysogynistic meme-making, {ahem} teeny-weenies, well back in their places.
The first was Kelly Martin Broderick whose picture was stolen, altered and then posted back to Facebook as a fat-shaming, anti-feminist meme. Read her story here on xoJane. I am sad to say that I not surprised at Facebook's lack of response to this and I LOVE what Kelly herself has done in response. Please visit her new We Are What Feminists Look Like tumblr page and if you like, submit a photo too! Feminism is not a fashion sense, it is not a colour, it is not a gender, and it is not backing down when someone thinks they can use mean words or memes to "hurt" you!
The second was a BRILLIANT response by John Scalzi to a "dudebro" who took a photo from John's website and made it into the not-as-terrible-as-he-thought "This is what a feminist looks like" meme. Scalzi took the time to address this issue and in doing so utterly schools the "dudebro" in what a feminist actually is, how to do a meme right and gives said "dudebro" an good kick in the pants all the way around his 5 acres of wonderfully manicured lawn! I am pretty sure that my feminist hero this week is a
"...slightly chubby, slightly balding, middle-aged dude in a mint green regency dress."
2. Blurred Lines. Yes, yes, I know, I have already posted about how I feel about this song and the artist, but I had to share this. After viewing countless parody videos about the song, I think Melinda Hughes has finally hit the nail on the hammer so to speak! By completely rewriting the song and rearranging the context, there should be no more blurriness here. It is about consent folks, and NO, you don't know if "I really want it" unless I say so!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/WVI9PfBzsA8[/youtube]
3. I wrote last week about my worries with both of my babies being in school this year. I chalked up my misgivings and anxiety about school to my past and my own experiences and while those reasons are still true, this week I read a post on Everyday Feminism from Walker Karaa that made me really examine the concept of feminist parenting and the culture of gossip and the "double-binds" that exists on our schoolyards. And I don't mean with the kids!
"The small talk that women have with which to socialize with one another on the school yard is language of comparison and complaint, not connectivity or co-constitutive relationship."
The article is an interesting analysis of the parental school yard dynamic and has cleared up a few things for me. 1)Why I often feel like I don't "fit in" with some of the other parents at our school and 2) Why I don't ever want to!
*Of note: The only objection I have to the article is her take on home- or un-schooling and the reasons why families choose this form of education. None of the families I know who homeschool are doing it our of fear and mistrust.
4. I know you want to see something about Miley Cyrus here this week. Something about how awful her VMA performance was (it really was), how she is guilty of misappropriating black culture (Oh yes, she did, and not very well either), of being a terrible example to our children and of just being far too sexual a being for national television (all signs of Hannah Montana are GONE, gone, gone).
Well, here you go. I know, this is the second time "Blurred Lines" and Robin Thicke get a mention in one round-up, but I think you will all appreciate what Eric Clapp has to say on the subject.
"It starts with understanding that as men, our value does not come from how much power we hold over women. Our value comes from being respected and being loved as we respect and love the people who matter to us."
And if you want, you can click on all the links in his post to see what everyone else has been saying about this too.
5. And the winner of this week's 'Thing that happened that makes me weep for humankind' award, is by far the judge in Montana who technically sentenced a rapist to 15 years in prison and then suspended 14.936 of that sentence so that this 50 year old man, a teacher, who raped a 14 year old girl and was CONVICTED of this crime, will only serve 30 days in jail. His reasoning you ask? Because the victim (who later committed suicide) was "older than her chronological age", oh and just so you know, "It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies."
Sigh... People, I can't even begin to say all the things that I want to say here. Luckily (and unfortunately at the same time), Emily at xoJane was brave enough to tell everyone WHY this is beyond wrong.
"The fact is, a 14-year-old girl may be capable of agreeing to sex with a 49-year-old man, but she doesn't have the emotional and mental maturity to consent. I was 25 before I realized that every man I'd slept with as a teenager was a pedophile."
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And on that note, I think we should all take a little break from the internet this long weekend. What say you?
natasha~
Time to grow up: My thoughts on urban sprawl
Last night I watched an episode of 'House Hunters' on HGTV Canada. The hunters in question, pregnant with their first child, and living in a 650 sq. foot 1 bedroom apartment, were looking to buy a new home for their growing family. The number one criteria on their house wish list was to stay in the Old Town district of Alexandria, Virginia. They looked at the requisite three properties. The first one was an older home and needed way too much upgrading to be financially viable for them, the second was a completely renovated 900 square foot row house a 10 minute walk from Old Town that was $15,000 above their budget and the third was a beautiful 1900 sq ft home, $30,ooo below budget, with a huge backyard, but 8 miles (~13 km) away from where they wanted to be. After the suspenseful cut and commercial break, my husband and I were somewhat shocked that in the end they chose the second house, paid the full list price for it and gained a mere 250 more square feet of home. They got exactly what they wanted though and that was to be right in the thick of Old Town Alexandria. Able to walk or take public transit to anywhere they needed to be, shop locally, and enjoy their community as the backyard in which they wish raise their child.
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We are in the middle of a civic election in my fair city. And this one is kind of a big deal. Our current Mayor is stepping down and not running for re-election and we have a potential for 7 out of 13 councillor positions up for grabs from newbies. It is an interesting time to be an Edmontonian.
Yeah, that's right, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. We have 6-8 months of winter, 2 months of festivals (summer) and a couple of brown months in between. And according to the most recent census (2011), Edmonton is the second fastest growing metropolis in Canada, just slightly behind our neighbours to the south in Calgary.
Our growth is a good thing. It means more people are wanting to come and live and work and raise their families in our city. It means more businesses want to open up shop in our city and bring good people with them. It means that our reputation is growing in a positive way outside of our city boundaries.
And yes, it also means that these same city "boundaries" are being pushed as well to accommodate our growth. I used to be able to tell you what the farthest most neighbourhoods in our city were and could navigate this city that I knew by heart. Now I have no idea where I am going half the time and I have to rely on Siri to tell me where to turn and when I have FINALLY reached my destination . Every day a new development is being advertised, more farmland is being taken over and we are inching closer and closer to our neighbouring cities and towns. Oh, Edmonton is growing alright, kind of like a 50 year old man with a penchant for a daily dose of A&W Teenburgers, we keep growing OUT and having to loosen up our belts more and more.
I think this is a problem for our city. I think that we are being sold a story of "responsible urban planning" by those who have a vested interest in such development. And I believe that the citizens of Edmonton who have bought into the idea that a home is only a home if you have a backyard and that one can only raise a family and live well in the suburbs are starting to feel the sting of these stories. A lack of infrastructure in these fast-tracked developments leaves city planners scrambling to provide decent public transportation to and from these areas, enough schools and community support for all of these new families and an open door policy for big box stores to accommodate the masses, a practice that inevitably drives out more and more locally-owned small businesses.
I also happen to believe there is a better way and I am not the only one. I think it is time for our city to grow UP as well as OUT. I think we need to take a closer look at different ways to create vibrant, new-ish, communities within our current boundaries. I believe that there are a lot more "House Hunters" out there looking for the same kind of live, play, work, raise-my-family-in-my-community-back-yard, that the couple above was looking for and that our city has a huge potential to develop communities like this within our core. The good news is that it is starting to happen already.
I firmly believe that our new mayor and city council need to take a good hard look at our city and really decide what is best for current and future Edmontonians going forward (and not what is in the best interest of the developers who pad their election campaigns). How can we make living in our city's core more appealing to families coming to Edmonton? How do we develop our city so that the only option for family housing is not a cookie cutter box in the suburbs on the outskirts of the city, with one skinny tree on the front yard and an hour long bus ride for junior to get to his/her school? How can we address higher density housing and building family-friendly communities? What about infill development in mature neighbourhoods? These are the kinds of questions that I am wondering about as we head into this election and this next chapter in Edmonton's history. This is the kind of change and leadership I am looking for from my new mayor and city councillors.
So.
Candidates.... who's up for this? Who wants to make Edmonton not only one of the fastest growing cities in Canada, but also one of the SMARTEST growing cities in Canada?
Natasha~
P.S. Check out my Twitter timeline from earlier this afternoon for a lively discussion of this and other #yegvote concerns from myself and some other concerned citizens. I should really learn how to Storify these things...
P.P.S. Let's all pretend that I published this 30 minutes ago. This is the August 29th #summerblogchallenge post!
Photo Credit: Darren Kirby on Flickr.
How to relieve tension: A list.
I feel like today is a list day. The past few days (weeks?) have been trying ones around here. I have an almost 7 year old son who wishes he was a grown up so he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, who thinks he KNOWS everything and who likes to speak at a volume that most people reserve for the front row of an ACDC concert.
So because of all the yelling that I have been doing, all the frustrations I am feeling, all the tension in my upper back, I give you the following:
The top 15 reasons my kid is the BEST EVER!
1. He gives full body hugs. Arms, legs, all of him is in it.
2. Regardless of how crappy our day is, he tells me how much he loves me before he goes to sleep at night. Most of the time it is "more than all the grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world".
3. He knows more about dinosaurs than any other person I know, big or little!
4. He still crawls into bed with me every morning for a snuggle and sleeps in my arms exactly like he did when he was an infant.
5. He has the core strength of an Olympic gymnast and could likely shame a grown man with his plank and one handed push ups!
6. He has some MAD illustrating skills and can draw a wicked Godzilla (circa 1998).
7. When he laughs, he does so with his whole body and soul!
8. He bugs her mercilessly every day, but on the playground, NO ONE messes with his baby sister.
9. He can climb anything. And scares the SHIT out of me doing so!
10. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid of his emotions or of showing them. It's the part of him I know he got from me.
11. We have a secret mom and kid handshake that means "I love you".
12. He will eat almost anything at least once!
13. He calls me on my bad language or when I break any of our house rules.
14. He is not fearless, but will push himself to face his fears and overcome them.
15. He is and always will be my baby boy!
I do love this kid!
natasha~
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Summer Blog Challenge: Updated List Here!
first instincts
As you may or may not know, my first foray into motherhood was not a smooth road. It was more like the Dakar Rally to be honest. At twenty-six weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and immediately admitted to hospital. And what followed for the next nine weeks was an uphill battle to grow a healthy baby, while flat on my back. Did I mention that we were building a house at the same time too? Yeah, this time in our lives was quite the opposite of stress-free and relaxed.
At our 35 week ultrasound we heard the words we had been preparing for, "It is time." Our baby was the size of a 30-week fetus and my body just wasn't giving him enough sustenance anymore and he needed to be delivered. On the evening of December 11, 2006, after a surprisingly fast induction, our tiny, fuzzy, 3 lb, 13 oz, skinny little baby, quite literally flopped his way into the world and onto the delivery room bed. I gave him one kiss and he disappeared with his father and a brigade of nurses and residents into the bowels of the NICU.
Our days and nights blurred and became about life in the neanatal intensive care unit. Wires, tubes, beeps, blips and alarms, blue lights, an emergency transfer to another hospital to see a specialist and back again the next day. I honestly can't remember much of those first few weeks of my child's life. I spent about 18 hours a day at the hospital and Christmas 2006 didn't really happen that year. I had one focus, and one focus alone; feed my baby, help him grow and bring him home.
I was a tired, stressed, on edge, first-time mother, with a tiny baby, who needed so much of me and from me and once we got him home, this did not change. He needed to be held constantly (or I needed to hold him constantly) and fed almost every hour. I did not sleep, I am sure I forgot to eat most days and I spent countless nights with tears streaming down my face and onto my sore nipples every time I got up and moved to another room to feed him, so as not to wake my husband.
I have the pictures from this time in our lives and in most of them I am smiling, but for the life of me, right at this moment, I can't remember half of what happened in those first 4-5 months. I know that at least once a day I would be breastfeeding him in our chair and then wake up 20 to 30 minutes later, with a kink in my neck, not able to remember falling asleep or knowing how long we had been there and thankful that I hadn't dropped the baby.
I was obsessed with my little preemie's weight and became a regular weekly fixture at the public health clinic. I charted his pees and poops and I timed how long he fed on each breast and the intervals between feedings. I scheduled his naps like a drill sergeant and I had a three ring binder to house all my colour-coded charts. My poor baby was slowly becoming a set of numbers that somehow I had to make sure all added up.
And then, probably around the same time that I was about to lose my mind and a friend suggested I attend a La Leche League meeting, something clicked. I realized that I was reading too many books and blogs and forums about how to do this mothering thing. I was listening to the advice and good intentions of everyone around me and I had not even considered listening to myself or to my child.
I threw away all the charts and the ugly binder. I got rid of the timers and gadgets to remind me which breast was up next and I let go of trying to control every aspect of our new life. I came to realize that doing so just meant that I ended up frustrated and depressed that I couldn't actually control any of it.
I looked at my baby and not the charts that I had assumed he had to measure up to. I listened to him. I fed him when he wanted to be fed. More often than not, in bed, lying down with him. We slept together. Better than we both had in MONTHS. I wore him in our favourite sling and we found our comfort zone with nursing in public. We started to go out more, made new friends and I continued to let go of my need to control and schedule every moment of his life.
I started to worry less and relaxed into motherhood more and a natural rhythm to our days and nights started to emerge. I admit that sleep was still our most difficult hurdle. My husband wanted our baby to sleep in his own room and my son wanted none of that! I believe that had we not pushed back on this so much and just let him continue to sleep with us (as we ended up doing most nights anyhow), we might have avoided all the nights of trying all the different no-cry-gentle-shushing-sleeping-on-the-floor-sleep solutions and whatever other tactics suggested in the sleep-book-du-jour we happened to be reading. Yet despite this, I finally felt like I was doing motherhood the way I was meant to.
Why all this reminiscing about early motherhood you ask?
I wrote this with a friend in mind. I think she may be struggling a bit with being a new mom and trying to figure it all out and get it right. The sleep, the breastfeeding, all the other stuff that still needs doing, all of it is overwhelming. I want to remind her, and all new mamas, that motherhood is in us. It is written in our mitochondrial DNA from our grandmothers, grandmothers, grandmothers and we just need to trust in our nature, our instincts, to access it.
Think of a mama cat who has her first litter of kittens. She has never done this before, but she makes a nest, she births her babies all by herself, she licks them out of their caul, chews off the umbilical cords, starts nursing the first one even before the next one is delivered and will eventually eat the afterbirth and placenta. No one taught her to do these things and she didn't read "What to Expect when you are Expecting a Litter of Kittens." She is following her instincts and doing what in in her nature to do and what her babies need her to do.
Perhaps, for some, the charts and the books and the schedules help to make the transition to motherhood easier. It makes sense to want an Operations Manual or Policy and Procedures binder for a new job, and in this regard, there is no lack of written material out there to read and use as our manuals for motherhood.
I would like to propose that we look deeper within ourselves for our own motherhood manual. It is there, just waiting to be accessed. And what I have learned is that the best way to access it, is to throw away all the other books, focus on your baby and listen to what your heart, your body and your mind are telling you do to.
If your child is crying and "the book" says don't pick him/her up, but your gut is twisting up with anxiety and the cries are like knives in your brain... LISTEN TO YOUR GUT and hold your child!
If you know what your baby does when he/she is hungry, but "the book" says to wait 3 hours between feedings to get a good schedule going... throw away that book, watch for these hunger cues and FEED YOUR BABY!
If you know that the only way your baby is going to sleep is safe and warm in your arms and against your chest and beating heart... then establish a safe place to co-sleep and SLEEP WITH YOUR CHILD! ( I am almost certain that you will get more sleep too!)
Trust your instincts mamas. They are there for a reason. And as it was for our grandmothers, grandmothers grandmothers, it is and always will be about survival. These days it may not be a saber-toothed tiger that is the main threat, but the constant bombardment of images and information about 'how to be the good mother" can be just as devastating to us!
Take a deep breath and relax.
You got this one, Mama!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/Vw4KVoEVcr0[/youtube]
natasha~
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I took a teeny little hiatus from the Summer Blog Challenge these past few days. I am sorry, but life trumps blogging and really, if I have no life, I have nothing to write about, so it is actually a win-win for everyone!
Be sure to check out the other fine #summerblogchallenge writers who have no lives... JUST kidding! Liam, Zita, MagzD, Peter, Christine, Cliff, Hethr, April, Karen, and Kim all have wonderful lives that you can go read all about on their blogs!
Feminist Fare Fridays: Edition #2.
Summer is winding down at our house and the kids and I are trying to squeeze in the last of our city's summer festivals, beautiful weather and lazy days of doing whatever we want before school starts and schedules and routines take over. I have been spending more time away from the internet because of this, but don't worry, I still managed to curate some of this past week's feminist fare for you!
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1. I like the Onion. Satire makes us look at our world and realize how incredibly worked up we all get over a lot of silly things. And I will admit that a few times I have been almost fooled by their articles....almost. Last week though, they crossed the line with a post titled, "Adolescent Girl Reaching Age Where She Starts Exploring Stepfather's Body". I don't care if it is supposed to be satire, this was NOT FUNNY. As a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted neighbour when I was 12 years old, this post made me sick to my stomach and was incredibly triggering. How many times does this need to be said? Sexual Assault is not funny, RAPE is not funny, ABUSE is NOT FUNNY!!! Please stop trying to make it funny. It is never going to work. {Sigh}
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2. Do you know what the Bechdel Test (for movies/TV/literature) is? I actually didn't until early this month. In a nutshell it goes like this:
To pass the test your movie must have the following:
1) there are at least two named female characters, who
2) talk to each other about
3) something other than a man.
Think about it for a bit. Pick your top five favourite movies and see if they pass. NONE of my favourites pass (Sound of Music, Dirty Dancing, Highlander-don't ask!, Breakfast Club and Shawshank Redemption). And it seems that there is a reason for that. This is an older post, written in 2008 by Jennifer Kesler, but as you can see, writing male leads FOR a target male audience with female roles serving only as props for these men, seems to be the norm in Hollywood. And as far as I can see from the last few movies/television series I have watched, (with the exception of breakthrough series like Netflix's Orange Is the New Black which feature a mainly female cast) not much has changed in the past five years. Definitely something to think about next time you are spending your life's savings to go see a movie at the fancy new theatre.
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3. Blogger Nate Pyle wrote an incredibly compelling post about a future conversation he is going to have with his young son. I think it is a good reminder to all of us about how we 'see' those around us; man or woman, black or white, gay or straight and everything in between...
"Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity."
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4. My wonderful online friend, fellow fabulous feminist and all around really cool chick, Avital Norman Nathman has complied an incredible list of essays from mothers of all walks of life and written a book called "The Good Mother Myth:Redefining Motherhood to Fit Reality". As of this week, the book is available for pre-sale on Amazon.com. Go ahead, be one of the first ones to get this book in your hands and maybe, just maybe we can all stop trying to live up to some great mythological deity of perfection!
'till tomorrow my lovelies,
Natasha~
A different kind of home birth
I haven't written a post about our Natural Urban Home in over a year. Which corresponds to the approximate amount of time it has taken me to get it to the point where I feel as if our home is almost, practically, kind of, mostly 'done'. One of the DIY projects that I have been asked about the most is our home's living wall. Having a wall of plants, a "green" wall in our green home was something that my husband REALLY wanted from day one of planning our dream home. I was leery of this given the fact that I have two thumbs that are about 4 shades darker than the colour of a moonless night and little to no gardening experience to brag about. Yet, the benefits of having a lot of plants are well known for improving indoor air quality and having a beautiful green wall to look at during our long winter months here in Alberta was in and of itself VERY appealing to me and so the project got underway.
It started with a frame for the wall. We wanted it to look like a piece of living art and so I had our amazing contractor/cabinet maker build and install a 6 foot by 4 foot wooden panel of rift-cut oak for the wall behind our sofa. The wood matches the rest of our custom cabinetry in the house.
We then attached our "containers" to the wood panel. B did all the research and figured that the easiest way for us to get the desired look we wanted and the simplest system to install and care for would be Woolly Pockets. I'll let the following video do all the explaining of how brilliant they are and how exactly they work.
[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/61138204[/vimeo]
Then it was time to shop for plants. I went to The Enjoy Centre for some inspiration (they have a gorgeous 20 foot tall living wall) and some advice from the experts. I then went home with a car full of lush beautiful plants. I will admit that there was some learning to be done with regards to how much soil to use (more than you think) and how big your plants should be when you first plant them. I thought 4 inch plants would be fine and figured they would eventually grow and fill up the space just fine. I was wrong. Bigger is better, and if you want your living wall to look nice and lush from the get go, as I did, then I suggest going with 6-8 inch or bigger plants.
There was some more trial and error as I experimented with placement of the plants and decided whether or not to make one of the pockets my herb garden, something I ended up kiboshing at the last minute. It took me a good two to three weeks to get it all just right and I had to make at least two more trips to the greenhouse for more soil, more plants and more advice!
I am still working on the wall and as with anything that is living and breathing, I am sure it will continue to grow and change as it matures, as some plants do better than others in our environment and as I get better at knowing which plants works best together and endeavour to green up my thumbs some more.
For now though, here is my baby! (And yes, I say MY baby, because for all his desire to have this feature in our house, my husband did diddly-squat to help install and maintain it. He has now been assigned the weekly task of 'feeding' the baby!)
Yes, that's right, I {home} birthed a Living Wall in our Natural Urban Home.
What did you do today?
Natasha~
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This post is part of the #SummerBlogChallenge. Please check out some of the other daily contributions from the following writers: Liam, Zita, Magz, Peter, Christine, April, Cliff, Hethr, and Karen. And for goodness sake, give them some comment-y and sharing love, it takes a lot to write for 30 days straight!
Dinos and darlings
I had a lovely, but long day. I just dragged my fully dressed and almost fully asleep butt out of my daughter's organic, all-natural, 2 inches of wool topper, ridiculously comfortable bed just so I can write something.
I barely have the strength for this, but a #summerblogchallenge is a summer blog CHALLENGE damn it!
We spent the first part of today exploring prehistoric times at our local, uber-cool, full-sized-mechanical-dinosaurs theme park/forest and the afternoon playing at my sister's acreage.
The kids roared and stomped and climbed and dug for fossils and hatched out of giant eggs, all while Lil' C schooled us with the details of his favourite dinosaurs. At my sister's place, they caught frogs and grasshoppers and made gobble-y noises at the not-so-baby-anymore turkey babies.
After a quick car-nap on the drive home, a change of clothes and a hastily made salad, we headed over to our old neighbours place for a BBQ. It was nice to sit and visit with our friends and watch the kids bounce and collide and take turns injuring each other in the trusty old backyard jumpy castle. No permanent damage was done and a wonderful time was had by all.
Sometimes it is helpful to see that other seemingly normal people have kids that are just as crazy as yours are and that you are not the only one dealing with tiny little shitheads darlings who are constantly testing their (and your) boundaries. I am POSITIVE our neighbours felt the same way!
Back home, the poor dog wondering where on earth everyone has been all day and now completely glued to my side, it was bath and bedtime for the darlings.
And alas, it is that time for me too!
Bonne nuit tout le monde et à demain.
Natasha~
P.S. I am a dolt. Last night's post was my Day 1 for the #summerblogchallenge although TODAY is the official first day of the challenge (I don't read instructions well). There are quite a few others joining in on the fun and I encourage you to check them all out as there is a little bit of something for everyone in our eclectic group of writers (Liam, Zita, Magz, Peter, Christine, April, Cliff, Hethr, and Karen).
P.P.S Also... The UPS man brought me my new booties!
P.P.P.S. This post is shit. I am sorry. Let's call it a poem and chalk it up to artistic license (or something like that)!
P.P.P.P.S. I did say that I was tired, right?