kids, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam kids, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam

village people

My children and I are "regulars" at our own mommy and toddler version of Cheers. Yup, it is true.

We go to a place where everybody knows our names, they're always glad we came, and very often the people and our troubles are all the same.

They have even named a drink after me! (And I may have been sitting there, without kids, drinking one while I wrote this!)

I am of course speaking of our local cafe and play place, the wonderful Cafe O'Play.

This parent's dream of a cafe was the first of its kind in our fair city and it is a very busy, bustling and yes, often chaotic place to be. There are kids ranging from 0-5 years of age running around, playing, eating, sometimes crying, and otherwise behaving as kids of that age often do. And their parents all sit and sip yummy lattes and watch them play (or play themselves on their various mobile devices)!

With that many kids around there are bound to be some tussles, there will be hitting and/or pushing, play car crashes will occur and someone will fight over a toy. Really, it is all to be expected if you ask me (if you need some insight into toddler behaviour, check out my guest post over at PhD in Parenting).

But I have a beef. Not with Cafe O'Play, nor any of their great staff.

Nor is it with all the crazy, cute and chaos-inducing kids running around.

I have a beef with the parents.

Let me explain.

When we go to the cafe, we go in and get settled at a table. I then do a 30 second assessment of who is there. I check out the kids and try to match them up with their parents. If my kids start playing with or around another kid or group of kids, I try to make eye contact with their parents, so that we all know who is with who.

For the most part the layout of the cafe is great. The play area is in the middle and the tables and chairs surround it. You can see most of the action from just about any seat in the house. But there are a few blind spots, and kids go in and out of the play structures and you may not be able to see them 100% of the time.

Yesterday, about 5 minutes before we were about to leave, I heard my 3-year-old screaming. I could not immediately see her (she was behind one of the play structures), but I knew it was more than just a "someone hurt my feelings' cry, this was an "I am HURT" cry. And as I got up to go get her, I took a look around and saw a room full of blank stares. Everyone could HEAR her and some parents were very close to her, yet, no one DID anything.

When I finally got her calmed down enough to tell me what happened and also found her brother for corroborating evidence, I found out that another child had pushed her off the top of the stairs going on to one of the play structures.

And here is the crux of my beef...

Did not at least ONE of the parents on that side of the cafe see this happen?

Quite possible they did not, but when L started screaming and crying AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, you would think that someone would pay attention, perhaps see what the problem was and oh, I don't know, check to see if she was OK??!!

Have we become so far removed from the 'it takes a village' mentality that we can not even make the effort to say or do something when a child is hurt or crying?

I don't know.

Maybe it is just me.

Motherhood changed me. A LOT.

Sometimes I feel like it made me a universal mother of sorts.

I don't mean that to sound all high and mighty.

What I mean is this.

Spring 2006

If I see a kid about to do something dangerous or stupid and there is no other responsible adult around to stop them, I WILL.

If I see a kid about to hurt, hit, push or otherwise do something to another child (especially mine) and I am within reaching or reacting distance, I will remove one or the other from said situation.

If I see a dad with two older kids and a set of infant twins waiting to get a table at the cafe and trying to wrangle all of them and their winter gear together when they finally get called to go in, I will walk over and offer to help carry a kid, a car seat or a handful of coats and boots in for him.

If I see a mama struggling with her toddler while also trying to calm a crying newborn, I will offer to take the baby for a few minutes.

If I see a child stuck in a play car, about to fall off a play structure, who has slipped and fallen on the floor, or whatever else may happen RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, I will check to see if he or she is OK and look around to make sure mommy or daddy is coming over or take said kid over to them.

I will say something to an older child if I feel that he or she is consistently breaking the "house rules" and no one else seems to want to intervene.

Some may think this makes me a busy body.

Some may think that I should never say things, especially disciplinary type things to children that are not my own.

I just don't agree.

I believe that it does take a village to raise our children. At a large play date or at our beloved Cafe I think this concept applies even more.

Why?

Because quite often we are outnumbered!

There are always more kids than adults and although the effort is made to keep an eye on them while they play and wreak havoc have fun, another parent's eyes and ears can easily become the ones you have always wanted in the back of  your head. I say use them!

Now, don't get me wrong. My kids are not perfect angels and more than a few times, I have had fellow moms come up to me at the cafe to tell me that one or the other was starting to get a little aggressive. Am I slightly embarrassed by this? Kind of. But more so, I appreciate that they took the time to find me and let me know what was up.

Letting a kid know that biting or hitting or pushing or whatever is not acceptable behaviour is NOT a judgment on your parenting skills. They are kids and mostly toddlers for that matter and certain behaviours are age-expected. Any discipline that occurs likely involves removal, re-focus and often a snack break. And I don't know about you, but hearing another mama say something about behaviour or rule breaking seems to have a lot more credibility with my kids and makes them sit up an listen just a little bit harder!

I think we would all benefit from more of a village mentality and if we all made the effort to looked out for each other and each other's children more, especially when we are sharing a space together.

What do you think?

Natasha~

Photo Credit: Toddler fight over the Car from joannamarieharris on Flickr

 

 

 

 

 

 

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family, kids, Life Lessons Learned, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam family, kids, Life Lessons Learned, motherhood, parenting Natasha Chiam

pointing out rainbows

This post has been a long time coming. And I don't really know how to write it.

So here goes...

I have come to a realization over the past few months. (You Mamas out there with little babies, listen up!)

What I have realized is this. We have all been duped.

We have been duped into believing that our babies need us the most when they are brand new. And while, yes, it is true that they do need us to clothe, feed, soothe, love and protect them while they are so tiny and vulnerable, once you get into a routine and you find your mama-baby rhythm, things can get relatively easy at this point. Yes, I know, I am making some big generalizations here, but stick with me on this.

Last year I went to visit a friend in Toronto who had just had her third daughter. Her two older girls were 4 and 6 at the time. When I asked her if she was going to go back to work again after her maternity leave, I was very surprised to hear her say no, that now she needed to stay home with the girls. I assumed she meant because of the baby, but she told me that it was more for the older two. At that point I really did not understand what she meant.

Now I do.

My kids are 22 months apart. And while this was a challenge when they were say teeny babies and then at 6 and 28 months old and then again at 1 and 3, it is NOTHING compared to right this very minute when they are 3 and 5 years old.

They NEED me!

A LOT.

The questions they have need answers. They need to DO more. With their growing bodies and with their expanding minds. They are both in play school now and are starting to navigate the world of friends who are not always of my choosing.  And all this means we have activities to attend, playdates to go to, new skills to hone and way more emotions to deal with on a daily, if not hourly basis.

So I need to be here for them, while they are still little. I know, that to some degree they will always need me, I just can't let them down right now. These years are important ones, the degree to which they are learning and growing and becoming little individuals with their own opinions and feelings is astounding and I need to be giving them my full attention. It's my job to help them navigate through this time in their lives and it is the most precious and MOST IMPORTANT job that I have.

In the past year I have spent way too much time saying the following phrases over and over to my kids,

"Just one more email and then Mommy will come and play with you."

"I just need to pack up these orders and then we can go to the park."

" Please wait...."

"Just five more minutes..."

The list goes on.

And it is not only that. As a family, Natural Urban Dad and I made the decision that I would be the stay-at-home parent. We did not want to have both of us working, have our kids in daycare and have our money go to someone else to spend most of the day with our kids. We are very fortunate that we can make that choice and it is one that I never, ever want to take for granted or lose sight of why we made it in the first place.

In the past six months I have been increasing our babysitter's hours on a regular basis to the point that I might as well just call her our nanny and be done with it. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my babysitter, like, REALLY love her. And so do my kids. But for the months before Christmas, every time I would have to go to a meeting or an event or just lock myself in the office to get some work done, I would come home to kids who missed me the whole time I was gone, who became super clingy for the rest of the day and night and who kept saying over and over how much they wish I didn't have to go away so much. The guilt that I was feeling and the mounting childcare bill where getting to the point that I was starting to feel ridiculously overwhelmed. And I started questioning whether 'having it all' or 'trying to do it all' was really worth it anymore.

Turns out it is not.

And the time has come for me to make a few changes in my life.

The first of which is that...

Natural Urban Mamas, THE STORE, will be closing its virtual doors.

This was a very long and hard decision to make, but one that I know is right for me and for my family at this time. I want to thank each and every one of you who has supported me on this journey. I have learned so much about life, about business, about myself and about the strength and determination that lives in so many of you through this adventure called entrepreneurship. I have made some life long friends and probably a few frenemies along the way too. I thank you all for lifting me up and making me want to be a better person, a better mother and a better business woman.

I want you to know that I am not going away. I have spent a lot of time and effort in educating myself about and being an advocate for babywearing and breastfeeding and all kinds of aspects of natural parenting. This part of Natural Urban Mamas will remain. I will still be doing workshops and speaking engagements and you will be able to find me here on the Natural Urban Mama blog or on Twitter or Facebook whenever you need to. Just know that I may not respond as quickly as I have in the past, because I will likely be watching someone learn to float on their back all by themselves or I'll be hanging out at the museum with a certain bug-crazy small individual.

“The work will wait while you show your child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work.”

Patricia Clafford

I want my kids to remember these years and our time spent together and I want to know that I did all that I could to make it memorable for all of us.

Thank you all!

Much Love,

Natasha~

And lucky YOU! Starting on January 30th and while supplies last,

Our "UNTIL IT IS ALL GONE" Blow-out Sale will be happening at Natural Urban Mamas.com!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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humour, Life Lessons Learned Natasha Chiam humour, Life Lessons Learned Natasha Chiam

learning to love forty

I have been forty years old for 12 days now. It's growing on me. Slowly.

And so when I saw this in my Facebook feed today I immediately clicked on it.

Check out what the ever so wise Andy had to say about us gals.

I particularly like this one...

"A woman over forty knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of forty give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing."

I think I love him.

And just because I can, you can expect some 'Imma gonna get my forty freak-on!' posts coming very shortly.

Cheers my young grasshoppers!

Natasha~

 

 

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breastfeeding Natasha Chiam breastfeeding Natasha Chiam

Repeat after me... Breastfeeding is not OBSCENE!!

...and yet, the breastfeeding witch hunt rages on... And very strongly on Facebook again!

More breastfeeding pictures have been removed, people's accounts have been blocked or suspended and there is much confusion about what Facebook's actual policy on breastfeeding photos is or if they even have one.

You would think that they do have one based on this response from Facebook's own Help Centre.

But in an article published in the Vancouver Sun yesterday, Facebook's Canadian publicist said that,

"...although Facebook does not have a specific policy regarding breastfeeding images but given that Facebook’s policy is no nudity it would be best not to post (breastfeeding images),.."

The mixed messages from Facebook are enough to make my head spin!

For the whole back story and media updates I will direct you to my friend Jodine Chase's blog. She has been chronicling this most recent battle daily since it all started on Sunday when Emma Kwasnica, founder of the Human Milk 4 Human Babies milk-sharing network (which ironically started on Facebook), had her breastfeeding pictures flagged, removed and her Facebook account suspended for 24 hours and then another 72 hours after that.

In a show of solidarity with Emma and ALL breastfeeding mamas and their rights to post these photos on Facebook and as a kind of virtual nurse-in (and yes, I will re-address my stance on nurse-ins in general in another post), I asked my fellow mamas and followers on the Natural Urban Mamas Facebook page to post their breastfeeding photos.

And the response was amazing...

All night long and well into Monday mamas posted amazing, beautiful, funny, newborn, toddler and everything in between BREASTFEEDING photos all over the Natural Urban Mamas wall!

But I wanted to do more.

And so I made this.

I hope you like it.

I hope you will share it.

And I hope that not one of you backs down or ever feels like you need to cover up or "do that somewhere else" while breastfeeding, whether in real life or virtually by not posting or removing your nursing photos from social media sites like Facebook.

This is for you Emma and for all of the breastfeeding mamas out there fighting this battle and working tirelessly every day  to make the sight of a breastfeeding mother the normal, commonplace, not-really-a-big-deal, just-a-baby-eating, thing that it really is!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdvVVAtTo4Y[/youtube]

Give those babies some Booby Snacks Mamas!

Natasha~

Video music credit goes to:
The Star Wars Theme by John Williams
Booby Snacks by Moorea Mallat, www.songsforbreastfeeding.com
Dog Days are Over by Florence and the Machine, www.florenceandthemachine.net

 

 

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