United States of Natasha
I am not gonna lie. It has been a rough week for me. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
The result. I am exhausted. And I really can not afford to be tired. Not for my kids, my husband or my business.
I have also had a terrible case of writers block. Hence the lack of activity here for the last week.
And I did not figure out what the deeper issue was going on with me until Tuesday night. (Thanks to the very insightful help of a good friend and mentor).
Last week something happened that made me question who I am and how people see me and I did not realize how profoundly it affected me until now.
Here is a little recap for you.
The kids and I were having a play-date with our very good friends and while the kids where off playing, we moms where chatting and the conversation moved to my blog. I was very excited that day, because THIS wonderful guest post about milk-sharing was getting some amazing responses on my blog and I wanted to share my good news with my friend and her sister. Unfortunately, not only did they not share my excitement, both of them were actually rather put off by the whole concept of milk-sharing and wet-nursing. I tried to talk to them more about it and was met with a lot of resistance and then I realized it.....
...I had crossed the line.
The fine line that separates the Lipstick me from the Crunchy me. The line that makes me relatable to the masses, yet still able to be "crunchy" and natural in my parenting and lifestyle decisions. So, my alter came out and changed the subject and we carried on with our play date.
I was upset about the whole incident and tried not to let it affect the rest of our visit, but I left still feeling something that I could not quite identify. At dinner that night I tried to talk to Natural Urban Dad about the day and what was said and how I was feeling and he too, jumped on the milk-sharing part and told me that although he understands why it is done and why I have wet-nursed not one, but two babies that are not my own, for some reason, it still has an 'ick' factor for him (insert eye roll and me saying, "Ugh, men!" here).
This is the thing about Natural Urban Dad. He is a good, good man and has come a long way as a parent. He has supported me and the decisions that I (we) have made for what is best for our kids. He was an easy convert to cloth diapers when he realized how much less of a mess they are, he supported our safe co-sleeping arrangements for both kids, he has been very good about breastfeeding and how long I have decided to continue to do so and he is one hot babywearing daddy!
But he worries. It's his thing, he is a worrier. And in this situation, he worries that on the spectrum of parenting, I am going to be seen as too far on one side versus the other and in being seen as such, I will start to alienate the very people who I want to influence, educate and advocate for. And really, you just gotta love a man who is worried about how popular you are in your proverbial sandbox!
I am proud of who I am. In my little sandbox and out of it. I love that I can live an urban lifestyle with all the fixin's and still do things that are good for the earth and my children's future on it! I am a staunch advocate for natural parenting and I feel that I bring these values to my business as well as my personal life.
And that is the joy (and perhaps the conundrum) that is being a Lipstick Crunchy Mama. I think what happened this past week is that I truly had to look beneath the surface of this self-imposed label and face up to and figure out what it really means to BE Lipstick Crunchy.
This is what I have so far:
- I am pro-choice, for ALL things. I qualify these choices with information and education. I want mamas and families to know ALL the facts (the good and the bad) before they make their decisions about birth, breastfeeding, formula-feeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, circumcision, co-sleeping, discipline, school and the list goes on and on and on....
- I am NOT about forcing people to do things my way. I am about showing them that "my way" may just make this incredible journey of parenthood a whole lot easier in the short and long run! (Babywearing is the best example here!)
- I am pro-woman. This doesn't mean I am a raging feminist, nor does not mean that I am an apron-wearing perfect little housewife either. It means that if I feel that girls or women or moms are being discriminated against for ANY reason, I will advocate for all of us and fight for change.
- I am pro self-esteem. Yeah, I know,who would really be anti self-esteem? But in our world of unreality TV, unreality magazine covers, and unrealistic expectations everywhere, having a healthy view of ourselves, a sense of self-worth, a positive outlook on life and realistic goals can be a challenge. I am here to be an example. To show women and moms that being the authentic you is totally amazing and if you live it, accept it and LOVE IT, then all you gotta do is hop aboard the awesome train with me!
- I am pro Mother Earth. She is the ultimate Mama and we need to treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. I will always choose more organic, sustainable, eco-conscious, carbon footprint-eliminating steps, products and practices so that I can to honor Her properly. Not just for me, but for my kids, my grand-kids and all the future generations to come.
- I am pro-child. We grow these little human beings in our bodies for 9+ months, birth them into this world and then spend a lifetime trying our darndest not to wreck them. I believe my kids are their own people, and I am here to guide, nurture, comfort and teach them on their paths to discovery and the aforementioned self-esteem! Respect for self, for others, for elders and for the earth are topics that we discuss a lot in our house.
I feel better today. I feel like I have done some good soul-searching this past week and understand myself and what I want both personally and professionally a bit better. I am always a work in progress, as I believe we all are. I do have my faults and I know that I can not please everyone, all of the time.
I am neither Lipstick, nor am I Crunchy. I am not on a spectrum. I do not transition from one side to the other. I am a full on whole different entity and I am an integrated personality. I am a United State of Natasha!
I am Lipstick Crunchy. I am a Natural Urban Mama.
And I am the conductor of my very own AWESOME TRAIN!!
ALL ABOARD!!
Natasha~
Telling it Like it is!
(Disclaimer: Sorry Mommy, I know you are reading "my blog thingy" these days, and I love you for that, but there is some swearing in this one!! Love you. N~)
On Tuesday night right before I went to bed, I posted the audio version of "Go the Fuck to Sleep" on my Facebook page. It is read by the ever so awesome Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. Now some might think, really? You mean big angry black man, Samuel L. Jackson? "Le Royal with Cheese", Samuel L. Jackson? "Snakes on a Mother Fuckin' Plane" Samuel L. Jackson? And yes, yes, and yes, that very same one. And really he was perfect for this part. Go on over HERE and have a listen and you'll see what I mean.
Last night after I got home from an awesome networking event (@JenBanksYEG teaching a room of entrepreneurs all about the coolness of SEO!!), I hopped back on Twitter and Facebook for one last check before I went to bed and I saw that the lovely Laura from Greek Momma, had commented on my GTFTS link and so I headed over to read her latest blog post.
I loved her post and agreed with about 90% of it. But that last 10% kept me up last night and I had a very restless sleep, combined with a kid that kept waking up. Coincidence? I think not!!
If you will recall, I blogged about the sleep situation in our house a few months ago. C is still doing really well and is sleeping through the night, but L is just not there yet. And I accept THAT! My husband and I have made a conscious decision about nighttime parenting and "sleep training" and we, under no circumstances, will consider any form of 'Crying it Out' as an option for our family. And because I also believe that falling asleep in the arms of one you love and who loves you the most is an amazing thing, it is how I have always put my kids to sleep.
BUT, here is where the 10% comes into play. Do I like that I am usually up at least 4-5 times a night to put my child back to bed? NO. Do I think she really needs another sip of water, or trip to the bathroom, or 'just one minute' of nursing? NO. Do I think it is fair that she ONLY wants Mama at night and gets physically upset if Natural Urban Dad even stirs and tries to put her back to bed? NO.
Do I get frustrated some nights about the whole situation? YES!! Are there times when in my weak moments, I just want to tell her to "Go the Fuck to Sleep"? YES!! Do I think this is good parenting? Um, obviously NO.
So here is what I think about this book and why I really do like it. I think that the author, Adam Mansbach, has taken what all parents may be thinking in the big, bad, deep, dark recesses of our minds at one time or another and has put in down on paper and published it for all to read. This may not sit well with some people who do not like to go to that deep, dark place and prefer to keep things all happy and rosy and that is just fine. I personally would prefer to be in touch with these feelings, and know that they are, wait for it......
...COMPLETELY NORMAL.
YUP, that is right folks, feeling frustrated about a situation, and even mad sometimes is a completely normal feeling to have as a parent. If you think that you are not allowed to feel anything negative towards your kids EVER, I am really sorry to have to tell you this, but you are not living in reality!! Parenting is THE TOUGHEST JOB on earth, and we are all going to have our bad days or moments doing it. And like Laura said in her post, there are ways to deal with these times, take a break, get help, go for a walk, give yourself a time-out. Please DO NOT take out your frustrations on your kids, because that is definitely not the answer.
Maybe you steal away in your room for 15 minutes, take out your copy of "Go the Fuck to Sleep", read it (out loud, if that helps) and have a good laugh at the absurdity of it all. Then, take a deep breath and head back out into the fray!!
I for one am hoping that Adam also writes the follow-up books, "Eat your Fucking Food!" and "Put on your Fucking Shoes Already!!
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
~Erma Bombeck
Natasha~
Mama Metamorphosis
My kids are 4.5 years old and 2.5 years old. Both are my babies, but please DO NOT, under any circumstances, say that to them these days. C remembers being a baby and the things he used to do (nurse, sleep in the crib, be in a baby carrier) and they toys he used to play with, but he is firmly a BIG BOY now and is even concerned that his clothing size is the right number for him!! L is just realizing that she is a "big girl" and she justifies all that she does now. "Mama, big girls nurse too. Mama, big girls go uppy in carriers too. Mama, I not a baby, I a BIG GIRL!!"
And I have just realized that although they will always be MY babies, they really are NOT little babies anymore and therefore...
....I can not be the 'baby' mama anymore.
It is time for me to grow up and graduate out of the baby stage and transition to this new (and rather scary) phase of parenthood.
For those you who have been following along with my posts you will know that a few months ago, Natural Urban Dad and I were in talks about having another child. Suffice it to say that we have come to a collective agreement and what is going to work for all of us is the status quo. Two kids, two adults, two hands....you do the math. It is what works for us and is what is going to keep us a strong family unit.
And all along the way, in all our talks and negotiations, the theme that kept recurring was one of all of us growing up. Our kids are growing up and contrary to what you would think this would mean, ie, more independence, less reliance on us for everyday tasks, etc., what I have noticed is that they actually NEED us even more right now and in a completely different way than before.
Take my son. He is a sensitive, inquisitive, smart cookie with a quirky personality (he gets that from me I guess ;)). He also seems to have the sharpest hearing in the history of four year-olds and if he hears something he does not quite understand, he will ask you about it and not quite asking until he gets it! This is a totally awesome occurrence. Except when you are not prepared for it.
Yesterday, as we were driving to my niece's 12th birthday party, C pipes up from the back seat of the car.
"Mama, is HATE a bad word?"
Me: "Uhm....... well......, what do you mean?"
"Hate. What does it mean?"
Me: looking over at Natural Urban Dad and mouthing, "Do you want to answer this?" and him staring off into space like he can't hear either of us.
So, as I rolled my eyes at the NUD at my side, I told C this, "Hate is a mean word that some people use when they really, really, REALLY do not like something. It is a word that can hurt people's feelings and one that is not very nice to use."
That seemed to satisfy him for the moment, but it is just one example of the many questions and thoughts that he is processing these days and often needs our help to sort out. Today we had a fun time over breakfast discussing what our emotions are and making the appropriate faces to go with them. Our conversations with C really have gone to a new level as of late and it is awesome and extremely scary at the same time!
And L at two and a half, has suddenly become the "WHY" kid. Why Mama? Why you put make-up on? Why that lady have crutches? Why we going to swimming? Why? Why? Why? I love that she wants to know EVERYTHING, but OY, some days it is exhausting! And for some reason I just keep answering her multitude of questions and that just makes her ask why even more.....
My kids are also very sensitive with regards to their time with me lately and the whole work-life-parenting-and-being-an entrepreneur-thing is requiring some extra special juggling skills these days! I am working on it, but it is not easy. It is not easy to be saying over and over, "Mommy just has to send one more email and then we can go build your Lego castle/play outside/have a tea party/etc....". And for some reason, "Do you want to come and help Mommy work (ie, pack up orders) does not have the same appeal as it used too!
They just need more from me now on an emotional level and in a way that for some reason I was not fully prepared for. I am sure there are books out there that tell you all about this stage of parenthood (I swear I have a copy of Playful Parenting around here somewhere!), I just have not read them yet!
So, here I go. Out of my cocoon of babyhood and into the great butterfly unknown of parenting my NOT-babies-anymore babies!!
My babies on the BIG KID swings!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks :)
Natasha~
I am having a glass of wine DAMN IT!
Mamas, hands up if you have any kind of guilty mommy feelings throughout your days? Yup, that is what I thought. I did a little unofficial poll last week after a chat on twitter about a mama wanting to have a glass of wine and feeling guilty about it because she is also breastfeeding. The results are in, and "Mommy Guilt" is rampant and it looks like we may have an epidemic going on!
And it is about EVERYTHING!
Here are a few examples from my polling:
To much KD for dinner/lunch (this particular one was mentioned a lot??).
Not being a stay-at-home mom.
BEING a SAHM, but not wanting to play princess for the 500th time.
Too much TV (this is a big one too it seems).
Not being present in the moment with the kids all the time.
Not spending enough time with Kid 1 when Kid 2 comes along.
C0-sleeping (??).
Not finding time to clean the house.
Neglecting the fur-baby.
Spending time with friends away from the family.
Spending too much time on the computer/laptop/iPad/etc...
Yelling at the kids.
...and the list goes on and on and on.
Why do we put such pressure on ourselves? And who are we trying to impress? Last time I checked there was no Gold medal for being the perfect mother.
And even if there was, who defines the criteria for this coveted award? Who is it that is setting these ridiculous expectations?
Often it is ourselves. We think that we have to DO everything and BE everything to everyone because we are the mom. The reality is, that this is just not the case.
So the kids ate Kraft Dinner two times this week, it is still FOOD and they did eat ALL of it right? In my books, that is a win.
Do I really want to watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN or do the same puzzle for the 17th time today? Probably not and that is OK, because I am not a toddler trying to learn a new skill or a preschooler trying to figure out a storyline. I am NOT going to feel guilty about being a grown-up (and I am probably still going to do those things).
My kids watch TV. I monitor the programs and choose the ones that I think offer them the most educational value (I prefer PBS Kids to Treehouse and I will take Sid the Science Kid over a screaming Dora any day!!). The television is not a 'babysitter' for my kids anymore than it is for me. It is a form of entertainment and education and I would feel more like a hypocrite than anything else, if I told them they could not watch TV and then proceeded to plunk myself on the couch for hours at a time to watch "my shows"!
Guilt about having a glass of wine because you are also breastfeeding? Breastfeeding does not exclude FUN! And if you have had a hard day and need a glass of wine or a beer than GO FOR IT! Alcohol is metabolized in your breast milk exactly as it is in your blood and this is what Dr. Jack Newman himself has to say about it,
Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all. As is the case with most drugs, very little alcohol comes out in the milk. The mother can take some alcohol and continue breastfeeding as she normally does. Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers. (Dr. Jack Newman, member of the LLLI Health Advisory Council, excerpt from his handout “More Breastfeeding Myths”)
Feeling guilty about working full-time? Why? You are providing for your family. This is an act of love and you should feel proud of what you are doing. Especially if it is a job and career that you worked hard for and really love!
Going out with your friends and taking some time for you? Really? This one should be the least of your guilty feelings.
You know the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life"? Well, I have a new one....
Happy Mama, NO MORE Drama!!
Really. Think about it.
A Mama who knows when she needs to take time for herself, whether that is shoe shopping at the mall BY HERSELF or going to get her hair done, or sweating out all her stresses in a Bikram Yoga Class (that one is me BTW), or going for a run, or having a weekly girls night out, or doing WHATEVER it is that makes her happy, is a Mama who is likely to feel good about herself. A Mama who feels good about herself is not going to constantly focus on what she (thinks she) is doing wrong all the time and will be one who can say NO to all that guilt and drama. Hence Happy Mama, No More Drama!!
Now if you will excuse me, I have a glass of wine waiting to make me happy! ;) I suggest you too find your proverbial 'happy place' and make regular visits to it and let go of your mommy guilt!!
Natasha~
Sleep.
I have not slept a full 8 hours a night in 1, 596 days. NO LIES. My son was born just before 8 PM on Monday, December 11, 2006 and I did not sleep that night. I spent it up in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit watching him breath and finally getting to hold him at 3 AM. The first week he was there, I went home at night and was up every three hours to pump breast milk for him. His second week in NICU, I stayed at the hospital in the old nurse's residence and was paged every 2-3 hours to go and nurse him.
He was so small and we were so new to all of this. In the NICU every beep, every blip on a monitor made us jump, our moments were measured in decels and oxygen sats, and we came to rely on the machines to reassure us that he was breathing and his heart was beating.
And then he was discharged. He was 4 pounds when we brought him home and could not go more than 2 hours without nursing. I slept in half-hour to 45 minute increments all day long, every day. We no longer had the machines to tell us he was breathing, and so we did not sleep. He slept between us in our bed. And with every stirring, every little moan, we were awake and checking on him.
And this did not stop as the months went on. He slept with us in our bed for his first four months, in his room for about 6 weeks after that and then we moved when he was six months old and he was back in our bed. And through it all never sleeping for more than 3-4 hours.
And of course I did all the "wrong" things (insert eye roll here). I nursed him to sleep, I allowed him to sleep in our bed, I napped with him during the day and I did not teach him to self-sooth. Natural Urban Dad and I became the experts at nighttime parenting, as in we were UP all night 'parenting' our child!!
Oh, trust me, I read ALL the books. Sears, Weissbluth, Pantley and please don't shoot me, even Ezzo. None of it rang true to me. and I refused to do anything remotely resembling "crying it out". What mattered to me was being with my child and soothing him when he needed it and he needed it, A LOT!
A few months before my daughter was born we bought C his Big Boy bed. We skipped the toddler size and went straight for the double bed. Maybe that was a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy, because once L was born and for most of her first year we effectively had a 'girls bed' and a 'boys bed' in our house.
And we were OK with that, sort of. I mean there was still little sleep for me, L was a voracious nurser, and kind of terrible co-sleeper (she is more of the kicking, punching, I gotta be on a boob to sleep kind). The boys on the other hand slept just fine!
(Total aside, but I am now watching that new sitcom "Rasing Hope" and they are talking all about sleep training the poor little baby! Wierd.)
Anywhoo, like I was saying...not sleeping a full night for over 1500 days. I get distracted very easily.
Then about three weeks ago, thanks to the suggestion of a friend, we found a simple reward system that seems to work for C. If he sleeps all night long, all by himself, and in his own bed, then he gets two 'chips' (and yes, by chips, I mean Poker Chips). When he reaches a certain number of chips he gets to 'cash' them in for different things. New books, trips to the zoo or museum, a special toy or even a bag of his favourite Spiderman fruity treats. And he is doing very well with this, with more nights of full sleep for him in the past three weeks than in the past 3 years!
Don't judge me people, I am getting desperate here and the poker chips are working! Although it is not getting any better with kid number two. Little Miss, I thought we had this one all figured out, she used to be able to fall alseep on her own, is now the kid who is up 3-8 times a night and ONLY wants Mama! And she is too young to really GET the whole reward/chip system just yet.
So imagine my excitement when I saw THIS in my Facebook feed this morning!!
Go the Fuck To Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Honest, profane, and affectionate, Adam Mansbach's verses and Ricardo Cortés' illustrations perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night, and open up a conversation about parenting in the process. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny, Go the Fuck to Sleep is a perfect gift for parents new, old, or expectant. Here is a sample verse:
The cats nestle close to their kittens now. The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear Please go the fuck to sleep.
I WANT THIS BOOK! And depending on the night, I may or may not be reading it to my kid(s)!!
Sleep tight everyone,
Natasha~
P.S. I also bought some Hyland's Homeopathic Calms Forte for Kids and am giving it a shot with L tonight. Both of us need to get some good night-time sleep and I am really hoping this will help. I will let you know how it goes....
Dear 4 year old Son....
The following is not a word. Yesbut.
Even though you use it multiple times a day, it is still NOT a word.
When I tell you to stop hitting your sister and you say "Yesbut, she is wearing purple pants today." Still not a word and what on earth does that have to do with anything??
When I ask you to go get ready for bed and you say "Yesbut, I need to watch Dinosaur Train first." Still not a word and NO you don't NEED to watch TV now!
When I am trying to be patient and not lose my mommy cool, because it is time to go and I have asked you to put on your shoes for the fourth time and you say "Yesbut, Mommy, I just want to finish this {45 piece} puzzle!!" DEFINITELY NOT A WORD!
I love you very, very much my son and I know that your 4-year-old mind is working overtime right now and you are trying very hard to figure out your identity and your independence.
I know that you are in a kind of no-mans land right now where you are not a baby anymore and not quite a big kid yet and that this can be somewhat overwhelming and frustrating at times.
Don't worry kiddo, I will be with you through it all. When you need me I will be here and when you need your independence, I will back away, choke back my own tears and fears and see the boy that you are becoming and beam with pride.
I know you need choices and to be in control of parts of your life, and I promise to keep that in mind when we have to make decisions and get on with our days. Some things are definitely negotiable my son and some things are just not.
No matter how many YESBUTS your throw at me!!
Love you forever,
You Mother~
Gentle Discipline - AKA 'Damage Control'.
I have a toddler and a pre-schooler. Discipline is a daily, if not hourly, part of my life. So when I heard that the Attachment Parenting Edmonton Society was bringing renowned Canadian speaker and author, Judy Arnall, to Edmonton to speak about gentle discipline, I bought a ticket to the event immediately.
Because I need help.
I don't spank my kids, but I have smacked hands and I have tried time outs, reward systems, 123 Magic and my biggest tool-my voice. Yes, I am a yeller. And now, both my kids are turning into yellers.
It typically goes down something like this. Mommy lets herself get to the point of anger and then yells at preschooler to do/not do something, preschooler sees this and then yells at toddler to do/not do something, toddler yells back at preschooler because she is frustrated and them Mommy yells at everyone to just STOP YELLING!!
You see the problem here right? VERY bad modeling of the desired behaviour. And trust me I see it too, I see it as it is happening and I don't know how to stop it!
At least I did not know until tonight.
Judy does an amazing job of breaking down kids into age groups and the reasons for why they behave the way they do and then gives some very simple and basic tools and rules for how to deal with said behaviour.
I have ordered her book (and a few others that she recommended) and until it gets here, here are a few of the take home points that I got from tonight's presentation.
- Discipline means self-control and THAT is what we need to be teaching our kids.
- You can't solve the problem, whatever it may be, until everyone is calm! Most of all YOU.
- Children often need a parent to help them calm down, this is called a 'time-in'. (So, all the time I have been sending C to his room until he calms down--not really the best idea!)
- When you learn to handle your anger, your children will see this and learn to handle theirs. **This was a big A-Ha moment for me!
- Don't punish a toddler for having a tantrum, they are thinking it through and working it out the only way they know how.
- From age 0-3 our job as parents in basically Damage Control. As in control the environment and control the situation, but never the kid. At this age they do not 'get' the rules or have any sense of self control.
And her lists of tools to use for each stage of the game:
- For Babies 0-12 months - Use substitution, distraction, redirection and and prevention to handle discipline.
- For Toddlers - Plan ahead, give attention, use positive commands, allow child his/her space, model the behaviour and in the end learn to accept it-it really is just a phase.
- For Pre-schoolers - Use 'time-ins' and stay with your NO. Gives choices, make it a game, pick your battles and try to connect with your child first and then redirect them.
- For School Age Children (where Judy says most of our parenting work really gets done) - Use 'I' statements, as in "I feel frustrated/sad/upset when you.....", model the desired behaviour, use active listening and acknowledge their feelings, clarify expectations and know when to walk away from a power struggle.
The biggest take home message for me tonight was that it all has to come from me. I am the one who needs to be calm in order to discipline my children effectively. Judy's last slide of the night said that the best discipline tool ever has good modeling and comes from a place of love. That any teaching we do sinks in only after everyone is calm and that this gentle way conveys unconditional love and sets us up to have honest, open and respectful relationships with our kids for a long time.
Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to go at this with a totally new mindset. I am going to try to be zen mama, I will find my calm before I attempt any kind of discipline (so this may mean some 'time-outs' for me) and hopefully we will start to see some changes around here, in terms of the yelling at least!
I'll keep you updated and let you know what is and what is not working for us!
Stay calm Mamas (and Dads), even in the stormiest of times.
Natasha~
I think I may be up for the revolution!!
So, as some of you know, I am kind of contemplating the whole homeschooling angle with the kids. To be perfectly honest, the school system these days scares me. Most of my immediate family have been teachers and support staff within the school systems for more years than I can count and I have seen and heard a LOT over these years, some good, some bad, some downright frightening!
I also have a growing community of friends and colleagues that are homeschooling and I am starting to see that there are many, many benefits to this way of learning. Now, all you teachers out there, just hold on and keep reading (and watching). And please don't hit me with the whole socialization argument either, because there are plenty of ways to socialize your kids that have nothing to do with being crammed in a room with 30 other 6 year olds and one stressed out adult.
I did not enjoy school. Well, that is not true. I loved it until Grade 3. And then we moved from our tiny town (and tiny schoolhouse) to the big city. AND my mom decided that I should be enrolled in a french immersion program, even though we had not spoken a word of french at home up until then.
 |
| Grade 3. Me-fourth from the left. |
So picture me, a sensitive kid whose parents had just split up, entering Grade 3 half way through the year and not being able to speak the language that most subjects are being taught in. I cried almost every day and because of that and my newness and God knows what else, I was easy pickin' for the bullies, cool kids and in-crowd (and yes, these do exist, even in Grade 3). That kind of stigma unfortunately does not leave you and I never quite felt like I fit in in Elementary or Junior High. (And then there was that whole inappropriate touching and kissing incident with my Grade 6 teacher-who claims he was just consoling me after another boy punched me in the gut. BTW-no one knows about that!!)
Now before you think this is just another post about someones bullying experience, let me assure you it is not. I just wanted you to know that school was not fun for me. I did have two amazing teachers who inspired me throughout high school and perhaps it is because they saw my passion and potential (thank you Mrs. Lees and M. Lizaire), but otherwise, it was not really that great of an experience for me.
And so now I am in a position in the next year and half to make a decision for my child and his formal entry into the education system. But what kind of system am I sending him into? Did you know that the Edmonton school boards have two rules: NO fail (ever) and NO late (as long as you hand in your assignments by June you are good and don't worry, cause it's not like you can FAIL or anything!!). What kind of life skills (um, hello?? responsibility, personal accountability-just to name a few) are being taught to our kids people?? Really??
Today I stumbled upon two TED Talks by Sir Ken Robinson. PLEASE watch both of them (if you have not seen them already-they get posted and shared A LOT). Yes, it will be 40 minutes of your day, but trust me it will be worth it! They are amazingly compelling and full of insight that I lack the eloquence to communicate when people ask me why I hesitate about putting my kids into our current education system.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this and for those of you with kids in the school system already - is it what it should be? Or should we as parents be asking, lobbying, and/or creating something better for our kids!
Thank you for reading and watching. Natasha~