Somewhere in the world it is "Wine O'clock".
I like wine. Have for a very long time actually. And before I liked wine, I liked Strongbow and before that Traditional Ale and before that (well, to this day, to be perfectly honest) gin and tonic. I even like a few shots of tequila now and then.
Just no sambuca! NEVER, ever, any more sambuca! Or GoldSchlager. That stuff is just wrong.
I've liked booze for a long time. I REALLY liked it one particular year in university that is very much a blur to me and could explain why I just barely passed English Lit. that year (it was an 8 AM class people!).
There was always some kind of alcohol in our house growing up. It was my grandmother's drink. She liked gin. And whisky. And vodka. And beer. And I may have inadvertently sipped a few of her tumblers in my young life having mistaken them for glasses of orange or apple juice.
We also grew up with my very French Godparents who would offer everyone, kids included, an aperitif -a tiny glass of Dubonnet- before dinners at their place. I can remember feeling so grown up sipping that sweet red liquid out of my tiny little glass at these special celebrations.
So, just so we are clear, I like a good drink and have been a social drinker for most of my life.
Why all this booze talk you ask?
Because I have a bit of a rant in me that I must get out.
THIS IS DRIVING ME BATTY!
I can not stand all of the websites, twitter hashtags and chats, Facebook pages, memes, and yes, even books about mothers and their NEED to drink, their REASONS to drink, and all the ways that motherhood seemingly makes women RUSH for a bottle of booze to cope with all of it!
Maybe I am being too sensitive. Or maybe this is just another form of brilliant marketing on the part of the wine makers and sellers of the world. I mean seriously people, there are wines called "Layered Cake" and yes, even one that is actually called "MommyJuice". And let's not forget the "you can drink as much of this as you want because it's called Skinny Girl" creation (which I do also enjoy every now and then).
And these so-called reasons that moms need to drink? The implication is that it is our kids and the daily drudgery of caring for our babies. Of doing laundry and chauffeuring and making lunches and wiping snotty noses and breaking up fights and picking up toys and stepping on teeny tiny Lego pieces and finding glitter glue in our favourite pair of shoes and reading Good Night Moon ONE MORE FREAKING TIME. It is hard some days, that is for sure.
But...
I find the whole idea of marketing booze specifically to the "mommy" crowd condescending and belittling. And yes, I am throwing this beef of mine in there with all the other mommy-fying of words and concepts that the world continues to come up with simply because some women also happen to be mothers (you know my all-time faves - mompreneur and mommy blogger).
I also think this epidemic of memes and the cultural trope that is the frazzled mom and her glass of wine that we see all over the internet sometimes hides a darker underside of self-medication, alcohol dependence and addiction. I also worry about what kind of message this sends to our kids about responsible drinking. Mommy needs her 'special juice' to relax, to get through the day, to DEAL with all of it! What kind of example are we setting when what they see is Mama seemingly using alcohol to blur the lines of reality a bit so that all will be good in the world again.
Hmmm....
I repeat. I LIKE WINE.
I like it with a nice meal. I like it after a long day. I like it while I am sitting in a bubble bath with my special candle burning and some soft music playing. I like it at book club with my ladies while we spend about 15 minutes talking about the book and the other hour and 45 on just about everything else in our lives. I like it while I am sitting at my laptop writing and I like it on beautiful days enjoying my backyard and the view from the comfort of my deck chair.
What I don't like it this feeling that somehow mothers need a reason to have a drink, that we are only drinking our "mommy juice" as a form of coping with the stress of everyday life and not a way of celebrating or even just enjoying our lives. And I especially don't like that for some women who may be excessively drinking and putting their health or the safety of others in danger, all of these memes and Facebook pages and books serve as a way to sanction what could potentially be harmful behaviour.
What it all boils down to is this. The message that I hear in all of these memes and themes of mommy needing booze is that a woman can't just enjoy a nice glass of wine BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. Nope, she has to have a good reason to drink. And it's her children, those evil little beasts of burden, that are just that reason!
And for me, that is just wrong.
Please tell me that I am not the only one who feels this way?
Now....
Where did I put my coffee.....?
Natasha~
I didn't cry.
Even when this happened right in front of me!
My babies are both going to school.
Their classrooms are in the same hallway,
they see each other at recess and they are out there navigating their world without me.
For a few hours at least.
I am left with feelings of pride, some fear, MUCH love,
and much to my surprise,
very little sadness.
And really, it's just too hard to be sad about something that she is so excited about!
Yay School!!
Natasha~
P.S. I went for a massage this morning. NOT sad about being able to do that!
Feminist Fare Fridays: Edition #4
Phew! Is anyone else exhausted after the first week of school? And I don't mean the kids! This was my first week of making lunches everyday, of walking to school and starting to figure out our new one in full-day and one in half-day routines. And so, with school in mind, I give you somewhat of an education-based round up of feminist fare this week!
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1. I have a couple of blogging heroes and one of them is the wonderful Annie Urban at Phd in Parenting. (She is one hell of a dance partner too!) And just in case you need to know why, just check out her post on all the back to school and back to gender-role stereotyping that we are inundated with at this time of year. I personally have made a strong effort to stay away from and not buy clothing that turns my kids into walking brand advertisements and reinforces the pink/blue world that we live in! And while I may have favourited a bunch of those "what to make for my kid's lunch" posts" for future reference, the assumption and reinforcement of parental gender roles by mass media is maddening! And PLEASE, make sure you also click on that last link in her post and read up on why mothers shouldn't have opinions.
2. And speaking of mothers and their opinions. There were PLENTY this week in the world of the "mommy bloggers". One particular blogger, we'll call her Mrs. Hall, had a lot to say to all the girls tempting her teenage sons with their racy pyjama'd and {ahem} bra-less Instagram pictures. And then the internet quite literally exploded with various other "open letters" to Mrs. Hall, to the teenage girls she is supposedly addressing and to anyone and everyone who read her post and had an "Uhh, what the...?" kind of reaction to it. I don't have much to add to the conversation that has not been said in the above posts, but suffice it to say I believe that it is this kind of perpetuating of our sexual stereotypes that leads to....
3. THIS! A university's frosh week with 80 student leaders, "leading" 300-400 students into their new lives on campus with a chant about rape. Seriously people, I wish I was kidding. I wish the St. Mary's student union president had not called this chant an "oversight". I wish that just because something has been done "for years" doesn't mean that is is OK and should be continued. I wish that sending a daughter to university didn't mean having to send her with a rape-whistle and a talk about NEVER walking back to her room at residence alone at night. And I hope that this is indeed a teachable moment for these students and for all of us about the pervasiveness of sexism and rape-culture in our {children's} worlds!
4. And then I read something like this and my faith is somewhat restored and I know that the daughters we are all raising will be stronger. That one day very soon, they will be the confident, wonderful, intelligent and fierce women that this world needs!
5. This one has nothing to do with feminism. I just think that this might be the most ridiculously awesome thing I have seen on the internet in ages. And I like foxes!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/jofNR_WkoCE[/youtube]
Happy Friday everyone!
natasha~
(Update: If you have a few hours, Jenna Hatfield at Blogher did a nice round-up of most of the responses to the original post in #2.)
and he's off...
To Grade One that is.
A full day,
a very full backpack,
a mama's heart full of pride and love for her little man,
and about 25 retakes just to get one decent "Back to school" photo!
Seriously folks, six year olds and cameras = opportunity for all the faces!
This one is the keeper!
And yes, he has decided to be an illustrator. The kid has some mad drawing skillz folks!
I hope the first day of school (or non-school) was awesome for you and yours too!
Natasha~
What I REALLY did on my summer holidays...
So... remember back in June when I was all, "I am making a Summer Bucket list and we are going to do ALL THE THINGS??" Yeah, well...
One week into summer holidays and I may have felt like this.
Ok, maybe not a huge mistake, but one that I needed to correct to ensure we all survived the summer (and each other!). Yes, that's right. We NEEDED a summer camp or two in between all our bucket listing to keep us from imploding and to give us all a slight break from each other.
I found two great programs that miraculously still had spots open and booked my kids in them as fast as I could type my credit card info onto the online registration page! Both programs were wonderful, the kids had a blast, they met new friends and learned a couple of new skills too. It was a win for us all.
Ah, but did we get to do all the things on our bucket list? That's the big question right? I am happy to say that for the most part, yes we did. Also, my kids like the simple things in life, so 'go to a movie' (Despicable Me 2), do a craft (lots of drawing happened this summer) and 'make friendship bracelets' (with their awesome babysitter) were easy ones to tick off the list.
C had a few on his list that we just didn't have the time or resources or know how to do, like learn to longboard, go fishing, and learn to play the ukelele, but we will definitely keep them on the list for the coming year. And L was all about spending time at our local spray park/playground, being a 'beach girl' on holidays and finally mastering the fine art of bike riding!
So, I don't know if I caved to the power and lure of the Summer Camp gods or what, but it's all kind of a moot point now. Summer is over, we all had fun, we made some great memories, I did not take enough pictures and school is back in session.
Now get to bed people!
Tomorrow is a big day.
natasha~
...................
I kind of wanted to take a break from my computer and social media for the weekend, but that is hard to do when one is supposed to be in a 30 day #SummerBlogChallenge.
So here is post one for tonight... there may be another...
In the meantime, please visit the other bloggers who are being much more vigilant than I with their daily posts.
Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy ~ Kim
How to relieve tension: A list.
I feel like today is a list day. The past few days (weeks?) have been trying ones around here. I have an almost 7 year old son who wishes he was a grown up so he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, who thinks he KNOWS everything and who likes to speak at a volume that most people reserve for the front row of an ACDC concert.
So because of all the yelling that I have been doing, all the frustrations I am feeling, all the tension in my upper back, I give you the following:
The top 15 reasons my kid is the BEST EVER!
1. He gives full body hugs. Arms, legs, all of him is in it.
2. Regardless of how crappy our day is, he tells me how much he loves me before he goes to sleep at night. Most of the time it is "more than all the grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world".
3. He knows more about dinosaurs than any other person I know, big or little!
4. He still crawls into bed with me every morning for a snuggle and sleeps in my arms exactly like he did when he was an infant.
5. He has the core strength of an Olympic gymnast and could likely shame a grown man with his plank and one handed push ups!
6. He has some MAD illustrating skills and can draw a wicked Godzilla (circa 1998).
7. When he laughs, he does so with his whole body and soul!
8. He bugs her mercilessly every day, but on the playground, NO ONE messes with his baby sister.
9. He can climb anything. And scares the SHIT out of me doing so!
10. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid of his emotions or of showing them. It's the part of him I know he got from me.
11. We have a secret mom and kid handshake that means "I love you".
12. He will eat almost anything at least once!
13. He calls me on my bad language or when I break any of our house rules.
14. He is not fearless, but will push himself to face his fears and overcome them.
15. He is and always will be my baby boy!
I do love this kid!
natasha~
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Summer Blog Challenge: Updated List Here!
Back to School Worries
School brings out the scared, picked-on, not very popular, always in hand-me down clothes, gap-toothed, insecure, child of a broken home, 12 year old in me. In my mind I time travel back almost 30 years and walk down that long lonely hallway lined with army green lockers and ridiculous construction paper themed bulletin boards feeling the eyes of the more popular kids looking at me and judging, pointing, laughing. It's never a fun trip, I assure you.
So you can imagine my apprehension as the start of a new school year approaches. My oldest is entering grade 1 and my baby is going to kindergarten and I am a bit of a basket case right now.
Now, I am not a basket case in the unprepared and procrastinating kind of way. Nope. All school supplies are purchased, backpacks procured, new outfits and indoor shoe needs are all taken care of. I am instead worried about who their teachers are, who they are going to be in their classes with, how they are going to mesh with their friends, new and old, if anyone is going to pick on them, and how they are going to navigate the big bad world of life away from me and the sometimes brutal 'Game of Thrones' that is the playground at recess.
The problem is that while I am internally freaking out about this, externally, I am exhibiting all of these issues that are completely mine as frustration and exasperation with my children. I am yelling more, I am not actually being present for them RIGHT NOW, as I am too worried about what will be happening a month from now. This in turn is making them incredibly sensitive to everything I say or do. My poor girl thinks that every time I tell her something or correct her about anything that she is in deep trouble and then there are tears, lots and lots of tears. 'Not so Little Anymore' C just goes straight to tuning out almost anything I say, in what I assume is a pre-emptive move before he hears me try to say something that he just doesn't want to hear or tell him to do something that he doesn't want to do. If I had a SASS-o-Meter for that one, it would be out the roof right now!
What I am essentially saying is that the level of communication I have with my children at the moment is seriously lacking. I don't really have an excuse for it either, aside from the incessant worrying and my own internal bullies that keep threatening to drag me back to that hallway to be slammed into a locker once again. I worried back then that I was never good enough for anything or anyone, that I was unlovable (yes, yes, I know, I have abandonment issues), and that I would never have any friends who liked me for who I really was. And now, I am afraid I am projecting these fears onto my kids.
I worry that my behaviour as of late, is making them worried that I don't love and accept them for who and what they are. C is always seeking my approval and asking me if I am proud of him, and L worries that if I say I love you to someone other than her that I don't love her anymore. Somehow I have neglected to let them know or tell them the following. I am ridiculously proud of my son. He amazes me everyday with his artwork and illustrations and his incredible grasp of numbers and the basic physics of his world. I love that he is such a sensitive kid and is not afraid to show his emotions, it's the part of him that I know he got from me. And my daughter? She is so much me that sometimes it is a bit scary. She is a goof, has her own incredible sense of style, is carefree and easy with her love and blows me away with her daily silliness and her imagination. I am not sure I could love her more if I tried.
All this worrying and the worrying about worrying going on around here over has everyone functioning at such a heightened level of tension that it really doesn't take much for any one of us to snap. And trust me, you'd think this was a house full of crocodiles with the amount of snapping going on and it is high time for it all to stop.
And I am the only one who can actually do that. (Being a grown-up sucks!)
My kids are not me. They won't have the same experiences that I did growing up and no amount of me worrying about what happened 30 years ago is going to A) make it go away and B) make my relationships with my children any better today. I need to focus all of that energy that I am wasting on worrying, on letting them know all of the ways that I love them and on ensuring that they are secure, confident, kind human beings, who will be able to navigate their worlds better than I was ever able to do way back when. It's time for a good heart to heart with my children and for us to hit the reset button before school starts and I COMPLETELY lose my shit!
Natasha~
If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess,
they would stop worrying.
~Dale Carnegie
Photo Credit: abbmona on Flickr
P.S. ...this may or may not be the first post for the 2013 #SummerBlogChallenge.
Not as blurry as it seems...
Some days its a struggle not to become a big judgemental fuddy-duddy in my old age. I hear that voice in my head and wonder who the hell it is? You know, the one that says shit like:
"WHAT. ON. EARTH. is that girl wearing?" or "Are you serious? THIS is what kids call music these days?" or the ever popular "Well, I never (insert thing you never have/will/or would do in your lifetime)...."
Its hard to look around some days and NOT think that the world is going to "hell in a hand-basket" (that's fancy for really fucked up!) and we had better just hold on for dear life and hope we don't all fall out of our baskets and into the proverbial lake of fire!
I can't help but think that every generation feels this way when they see all the new fan-dangled ways that the younger generation goes about their business. The way they dress, the way they talk, the kind of music they listen to and the way the world (and primarily technology) is changing, which these days is kind of like one of those crazy super exponential math problems that I for one, could never quite figure out!
The kids these days love their Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. I loved Madonna and Billy Idol. They have Edward and Bella and we had Keifer Sutherland in 'The Lost Boys'. Short shorts or leggings are the uniform du jour for most teenage girls right now and in my day, it was mesh crop tops and fluorescent hammer pants. I am sure a lot of "grown ups" thought we were a bunch of crazy kids, listening to our devil music and wearing our clothes backwards (Kris Kross will make you JUMP! JUMP!!) and rolled their eyes at us just as much as my generation does today seeing some of the things the kids do that make us all go, HUH???
Being a parent brings all of this front and centre in your life. You become painfully aware of the world you live in and the influences that exist outside of you and your home on your children. Things that never bothered you before, all of a sudden become the things that keep you up at night wondering how/when or why it may or may not mess up your children's lives.
Ok,I am sorry.
Enough vague-blogging...
(I am taking full credit for that one, as Urban Dictionary only lists vaguetweeting and vaguebooking as actual things!).
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.
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I've got a problem with Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines song. And the YouTube-banned video and the subtext of the lyrics and the fact that the lines may be blurry, but the message (at least to me) is NOT! You can head over to read Julie Green's post at Yummy Mummy Club for a sampling of the lyrics and Thicke's explanation that all three of the contributing artists are "happily married with kids" to justify that it's just a song and they are just having some fun objectifying women, something they don't get to do in real life, because they have "...always respected women".
Seriously???
Here is my issue. These LINES can get VERY blurry for a lot of kids, the primary consumer of this particular brand of pop culture. Oh, I don't know, how about a bunch of drunk boys at a party in Ohio, thinking that it would be fun to just objectify and follow around and subsequently sexually assault a passed out sixteen year old girl. Supposedly "good boys" at that, who didn't realize that what they were doing was a crime. That in the end, what they did, was in fact NOT funny at all, NOT actually that blurry of a line and didn't make any of them, the perpetrators of said crime or the filmers of its extremely offensive and objectifying play-by-play commentary, cool, hip or particularly date-able in any near or far distant future!
I am not saying that THIS particular song has anything to do with that incident, but its hard to deny that there is a theme in a lot of today's music that degrades women, making them seem more like objects to be won, fondled, man-handled or "torn in two". It exists in television and in film as well and the Internet and our easy access to so much media and in so many forms makes these images and these songs lyrics just part of a normal days entertainment for most kids.
It's easy to just brush it all off with a casual, "Oh, it's just a song, he/she is an artist and doesn't mean anything by it." or "That's just a TV show/movie/video game, it's not REAL." And that my friends, is where the lines really start to blur. WE, as the grown-ups may be able to understand or more clearly see those lines between artistic license and reality, but our impressionable young ones? Maybe not so much.
“Adolescent brains don't cement up as fast as we thought they did," observes Gordon Neufeld, a child psychologist in Vancouver. “For a long time we thought that the brain's hard-wiring was finished by the time kids hit their teens, but we now recognize it has a high degree of plasticity, which means that young adults are still highly adaptive creatures that can learn from example and experience."
If the examples that they hear on the radio or on their Songza playlists and see on TV or Netflix on a regular basis are ones of objectification of women, violence, and sexism, this kind of stuff gets stored in their brains and then ALL the LINES start to get really BLURRY! Girls may start believing that their only worth is tied to what they look like or what they are or are not wearing and boys may start to believe that no means maybe, or maybe means yes, or passed out means fair game. If you don't believe me, check out the Instagram feed of anyone under 16 years old.
Look, I am not trying to be all soap-boxy here and saying that Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I. are single-handedly contributing to the perpetuation of rape-culture in our society. I am saying that "I" have a problem with this particular song and its message and it is not something I want my kids to listen to. Kids who, by the way, have somehow become very good at picking up song lyrics these days. The "Mom, what does he mean when he says "I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two?" is NOT the conversation that I EVER want to have with my child!
So for now, for this song (and for a few others as well) I flip the station or turn off the radio.
Also, I have convinced them that Daft Punk is not "staying up all night to get lucky", they have actually "grown up with Mexican Monkeys!"
I win at "Parental Controls" and utter fuddy-duddyness this week!!
