When girls build the world.
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice And everything nice,
That's what little girls are made of.
I have been thinking about writing on the topic of little girls for a long time. What kind of world our daughters are growing up in and how we as modern women and feminists are shaping that world.
The US Elections were fascinating for me to watch. Time and time again we heard about and saw the attack on women by various members of the GOP and their ridiculously ignorant statements made about girls and women with regards to contraception, rape, even about actually being allowed to vote! As a woman I was outraged and shocked by some of the hatred and bigotry being spewed by this political party. As a Canadian, I was ever so thankful for the country that I live in. As far from perfect as it may be, my rights as a woman over my body and my mind have never been an issue here!
Last week, this internal 'war on women' by the GOP was lost. BIG time. More women (1 in 5 actually) have seats in the US Senate than ever before and Tammy Baldwin became the first openly gay senator in the history of the USA. Whether or not the analysts think it is true, I personally believe that American women and the men {and women} who love them sent a very clear message that this "war" will no longer be tolerated. Women want a voice in government and one that truly represents THEM, not necessarily one who thinks HE does, but really has no clue whatsoever and prefers to keep his women in a binder!
The whole idea of women gaining some ground in the Game of Life has me stoked. If you don't know yet about how the characters line up in this game, then I highly recommend that you head over to John Scalzi's post about this. Scalzi points out, in language that he hopes most dudes might understand:
"In the role playing game known as The Real World, “Straight White Male” is the lowest difficulty setting there is.
This means that the default behaviors for almost all the non-player characters in the game are easier on you than they would be otherwise. The default barriers for completions of quests are lower. Your leveling-up thresholds come more quickly. You automatically gain entry to some parts of the map that others have to work for. The game is easier to play, automatically, and when you need help, by default it’s easier to get."
It's kind of a interesting point of view and one that has come up more than once in the past few weeks, here and here and most recently (for me at least) again this week.
On Tuesday night on my Facebook page I posted a link to a video that I found on Upworthy that described an amazing new toy designed for girls. Have a listen to Debbie, the CEO and creator of Goldie Blox explain why she developed it.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AtZfNU3zw[/youtube]
The response to her video was incredible and Debbie reached her Kickstarter goal in just 5 days! Goldie Blox is now heading to production with delivery dates scheduled for the Spring of 2013.
The next day, when I saw some of the comments left after I posted the video with the status that,"THIS toy should be on everyone's little girl's list for Christmas next year", I was confused.
One person wrote,
"Or how about every *Childs* Christmas list? My son would adore this. Wanting this toy for girls is really no different than saying certain toys are only for boys. It's definitely a great toy, would just warm my heart if it didn't have to be so gender biased. Equality, that's the goal right?"
There were more comments with variations on the same theme.Why a toy geared only to girls? Why not in more gender neutral colors? Why is Goldie a blond, blue-eyed girl? I want this kind of toy for my son too.
I thought to myself, crap, maybe I should have typed CHILD instead of GIRL in that status. Yes, it is about equality for all. Did I miss the boat on this one?
But then I stopped and thought about it some more.
And NO.
Debbie has it right.
Did you hear what she said?
"89% of the Engineers in our world are MEN. We LITERALLY live in a world built by men."
Men who were once boys, who played with Lincoln logs, Legos, Kinex and all kinds of gender neutral or primarily boy-centric building sets and toys. If this is what you want for your son, something that he is going to build things with to his little heart's content, then there is no shortage of toys and sets and games out there for him.
Girls need more toys like this. Toys that both appeal to them visually and challenge their brains as well as the status quo of what you have to be when you grow up. Heck, I'll even make a case for the pink Lego. My little girl was not really into Lego until her Auntie bought her a bucket of the pink stuff for Christmas last year. Now we can all sit for hours and make all kinds of things with our Lego. It is all mixed together at this point, but she needed that pink push to get interested and excited about playing with it and tapping into that creative builder part of her brain. And she still calls all the pink pieces, HER Legos.
The thing I think we all need to remember is this. We do not live in a world where "all things being equal" exists {yet}. Women and girls may be 50% of the population, but in pretty much everything else we are or have it is far from being equal. Fighting for equality for all means coming to terms with the fact that that very equality does not exist. Men and boys get the default "lowest difficulty setting" in our world and girls just don't. Women and girls have to work twice as hard to have our voices heard, our rights protected, and to even the playing field in all things economic, political and social.
So no, this toy does not need to be made in gender neutral colours so that it appeals to boys too. Those toys already exist, all you have to do is visit the Lego section at any Toys R Us to see that. Goldie Blox is a fabulous addition to the toy world that will get girls interested in building and maybe even a career in engineering. And just like Debbie, I too dream of the day when all of our children get to live in a world built by both women and men!
Happy Building Girls!
Natasha~
**This is by no means a sponsored post. All opinions here are my own and I was not compensated by the company in any way. If you are interested in purchasing a Goldie Blox for your daughter or grandaughter or niece, then head over to their website HERE to get in on the action!!**
I am the Tony Stark of parenting!
I am a goddamn parenting genius! .
.
.
.
OK, fine. Slight exaggeration.
Maybe I just exude parental confidence. {While inwardly I am pulling my hair out strand by strand and sitting in a corner holding myself and rocking back and forth.}
Whatever the case may be, people ask me for advice all the time.
It ranges from prenatal questions all the way to potty training and back again. And for the record, I am definitely not an expert in any of these things by any conventional definition.
What I am is a mama. I have almost 6 years of seniority in this position and according to a recent personality test I took (more on that in a later post) I have an above average amount of behavioural adaptability. Which I think is just fancy talk for I just know how to go with the flow!
I also like to listen to my instincts. My gut, so to speak. And for the most part, (teensy bit of bragging here) my gut is rarely wrong.
Why am I telling you all this?
It started last week when my lovely friend and kicks-my-ass-weekly personal trainer, Jessica, asked me for some sleep advice for one of her 5 month old twins. One was sleeping in his crib just fine and the other one just could not do it without Jessica being there with him.
Now of course, my first reaction when anyone asks me for baby sleep advice is to laugh out loud, because, as you may know, I have not had a full night of uninterrupted sleep since December of 2006.
My second reaction is to ask more questions. How does he usually sleep? What does he need? What (or who) is his comfort? Jess answered all of these and the main theme that I uncovered was that he needed HER. The problem is that she needed her sleep.
So, in my infinite parental wisdom, I said, "Give him your shirt."
Huh?
Here is the way I understand it. Babies imprint on us. Yes, imprint, just like in Twilight with Jacob and baby Renesmee. It's an instant and forever bond and a big part of that has to do with our senses. Touch, taste, hearing, smell and sight. So when Jessica told me that Baby R needed her and she needed to be sleeping in her own bed, I said give him your shirt.
Because it smells like her. The first scent that he ever smelled, his soothing imprint, his mama.
So she did. She gave him her "I just taught two fitness classes, this smells A LOT like me" top and a few hours later I got this tweet.
https://twitter.com/infinitefit/status/256248507684491264
And yesterday, she texted me this sweet (sweaty shirt) photo!
It has been a week and he is still sleeping at nights all snuggled up with his mama's shirt.
Therefore, I believe this makes it official.
I AM a genius!
Patent-pending of course, but in the meantime feel free to use my very scientific GTFTS "technique" (which by the way, I have also used with some success with toddlers too)!
Happy Sleepy Times Mamas,
Natasha~
Wordless Wednesday: Aliens from the Sky
An afternoon of play silks and superheros and aliens falling from the sky {AKA, leaves}!
And a Superdog too!
First day of school
So this happened this week...
My baby started Kindergarten.
He was pretty excited about school and has been practicing how to say his teacher's name for the past two weeks. (It's a French Immersion program and her name is very French).
I was excited for him too. Kindergarten is a wonderful time in a child's life. There is play, there are new friends, there is learning, and of course, there is RECESS! (Which so far, along with Gym time, seems to be the only things of importance that he can tell me happen during his days at school.)
The classroom is not a new thing for my kid. He has been at an amazing playschool for the past three years and has had some wonderful teachers, has grown so much in personality and confidence in those years and has made what I think will be, at least one life-long friend who happens to now also be in the same school and class as him.
So no, I am not the sappy, crying mom standing at the door watching her baby go into the great unknown without her. (For all you sappy, crying mamas, I give you all a big hug and say, "Dry your tears and go get a coffee. ALONE. Enjoy these few hours just to yourself. Trust me on this one.")
Fast forward a year from now and I know it will be a totally different story.
Grade One. ALL. DAY. LONG. Away from me. And in a desk, doing studious big kid things, navigating the majority of his day without me and then getting homework.
I guarantee you though, that the thing he is going to look forward to the most and talk about the most will still be recess and gym time!
I have a lot of deep seated school fears for my children. Elementary school was not a really fun time for me. We moved from a small three-room county school to the big city when I was in Grade 3. My mother decided to embrace her heritage and enrolled me in a French Immersion school (I took a crash course in French over the summer!). It was a rough transition for me and I just never really fit in. I was the new girl, the one who would cry every day because I didn't understand my teachers and I didn't have any friends. I was also one of only two kids in my class (and quite possibley the whole CATHOLIC school) that was from a family of divorce!
I was easy pickins' for the mean kids.
But that was me. And I survived it. Relatively unscathed (years of therapy and self-medication notwithstanding).
I have different hopes for my children. I don't want them to survive school. I want them to thrive in school! I want them to love learning, to be confident, strong-minded little people. I want them to do better than I did.
Because this also happened this week.
And she ROCKED it!
If this week is any indication of the future for my children in the school system, they will do so much more than survive!
And if all their dreams for the future pan out, I will be one well looked after senior citizen!!
Happy School Days Everyone!
Natasha~
The babysitter conundrum
Ah, the babysitter, that coveted being that you can trust with your kids, that will play with them, feed them, care for them, and keep them alive long enough for you to sneak in a date night here and there, or get to a spin class or do those errands that take 1.5 hours when you are alone, but at least 4 hours when the kids are with you. For some of us the babysitter is a family member. Grandma and Grandpa or the aunties and uncles. But what happens when no family is around to help out? When you live far away from your family or caring for your kids regularly is a bit much for the grandparents?
Besides our family members, my kids have had three babysitters. One is the teenage daughter of my former La Leche League leader and has known my kids since they were teeny tiny and has loved them ever since, one is a wonderful woman that I met at a Modern Mama babysitter mixer and has been our regular day-time sitter for the past 18 months and the third is a new girl that also sits for one of my best friends.
The problem is that two of them are heading back to school in the fall and our regular sitter had the nerve to go off and get married and is starting a family of her own (Sheesh!). So I am now without a regular sitter for any or all of the above reasons that I would need one!
And being as we just moved into a new neighbourhood, I have been keeping my eyes open and ears to the ground for any leads close by. It just so happens that our immediate neighbours across the alley are a lovely family with two teenage boys (14 and 16) and my first thought moving in was, "I wonder if either of them would want to babysit for us?".
I am bringing this up, because the topic of babysitters came up today with the kids while out for a family walk. Little C asked me if our new babysitter was going to be a boy. Up to now and before we moved, I had not really contemplated the idea, mainly because we did not have any boys of the babysitting age around us or available and I already had the best sitters around!
One of my kids favourite story books is a Fancy Nancy one called, "Fancy Nancy & the Sensational Babysitter". In it Nancy is anxiously awaiting her new babysitter 'Alex' and is bitterly disappointed when HE shows up! In the end Alex turns out to be quite good at this babysitting thing and Nancy gives him a big thumbs up and hopes he comes again soon. The concept of a boy being a babysitter is not a big deal to my children.
But it seems that for others, this is not the case. Tonight just before dinner, I posed this question on both Twitter and Facebook.
"Have you or would you hire a teenage boy to babysit your kids?"
The responses have ranged from a straight up "Hell, no!" to "I have, I do and I would gladly sing his praises. He's an excellent kid and is a fabulous sitter for my 2 year old daughter!". A few have said that they wouldn't want to 'take the risk' with a boy sitter. Most comments say that yes, they would and that choosing a sitter is about knowing the person, regardless of gender. A lot of comments have been about fabulous memories of the boy babysitters people had as kids and the common thread is that they often tend to play more with kids than the girls do.
But the two comments that have stood out the most for me are from my friend Farren and from the husband of another friend.
Farren said, "We limit boys and men as nurturers simply by entertaining this idea. Trust people, not genders."
And Doug said, "...Boundaries are defined not only by what they contain, but by what's outside them. It's not about the teenage boy, it's about those who question the teenage boy... and why. It all comes down to individual trust, and I don't see what gender has to do with that."
While the majority of the comments have been that yes, most would or have had a boy babysitter, the ones that won't even consider it an option because of the potential risk that is perceived when a teenage boy is alone with kids and left to his own devices are the ones that are burning a hole in my gut tonight.
I can understand the need to protect our children from any and all potential harm, but what I can't understand is the blatant sexism and prejudice that exists in our world. Yes, there are bad men out there and they do some very bad things {trust me people, THIS I know}, but to paint all boys with a blatant "never gonna happen" paintbrush, just doesn't sit well with me. My 17-year old nephew is a huge kid, he is 6'2" already, has a deep man's voice and is a guy's guy. He is also the most gentle and patient kid I have ever seen. He is an amazing big brother to his 2.5 year old sister and a super fun cousin for my little ones. That someone would think that because he is a boy, this makes him any less caring or potentially more 'dangerous' than say, his 14-year old sister, makes me shake my head.
These boys are the future fathers of our world and like Farren says, why would we want to limit their potential for nurturing? Why not give them a chance to care for small people, to learn these life skills and be better MEN for it? How many of us are married to men who never spent much time with kids before they had their own? Why would we want to perpetuate this cycle? How can we even start to contemplate a world in which we are all equal when we can't even see a teenage girl and a teenage boy as having equal merit as a babysitter?
I have a lot of questions tonight and not a lot of answers. Doug's comment has me thinking and thinking. About the boundaries that we put up around our children and ourselves. About what we are trying to contain (innocence? theirs? ours?) and what we are trying to keep out. About my own prejudices and fears and from that {not yet talked about} place from which they stem...
The reality is, that I am still in need of a few good babysitters for my roster. If the boys across the alley are game, are good kids (as I suspect they are) and have some basic babysitting skills (IE, can make a mean PB&J sandwich, know a few things about LEGO building and can muddle through a tea party), then I'm pretty sure I am too.
Wish me luck!
Natasha~
What about you? Would you or have you had a boy babysitter care for your kids? Why or why not?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is Post 25 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge.
There are some good ones today from my co-bloggers, please check them out.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Wordless Wedne... Um Thursday.
OK fine, I am just too darn tired to actually write a whole bunch tonight. I just got back from a block party meeting. Which means that, YES, I am finally making some friends in our new neighbourhood! For both me and the kids! And I can't wait for the party! It is going to be so much fun! {Okay, THAT is a whole lot of exclamation points. I MAY have had some wine at the meeting.}
Today was spent at the Edmonton Fringe Festival with my sister and her kids, and although it was an overcast day, the cousins all had a blast together!!
Our favourite street performers where the incredibly fun and cute twin sister act, The Kif-Kif Sisters from Quebec City. My favourite part of the act may have been the giant balloon boobies, but the kids loved when the sisters actually started to put their whole bodies INSIDE the balloons!
And then of course you have THESE two little toddler upstagers, totally trying to steal the show from the performers on the stage! They were even taking bows when the crowd was clapping. I was somewhat embarrassed, but also kind of proud of their first street performance as well!
And I got to hang out with my favourite little man who is growing so fast and just LOVES to talk to himself when we are taking self-portraits!
It was a good {long} day and again, I am going to aim to get to bed before midnight tonight.
Till tomorrow Mamas!
Natasha~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 23 of the Summer Blog Challenge.
I am using PicMonkey.com to edit all of my photos, you should check it out! So easy and FREE!
Go and show some love to my fellow bloggers tonight.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Monkeys and Elephants and Giraffes... Oh my!
I took the kids to the Telus World of Science today and we went to see the IMAX movie "Born to Be Wild". [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYxqQODBfEo[/youtube]
You HAVE to see this movie. My kids loved it.
I loved it. A lot!
All day, all I have been thinking about, is how incredible those two women are to have devoted their entire lives to these precious and amazing animals.
And all day I have been day-dreaming about somehow doing the same thing.
There it is. My secret. My 'I wish I could do that when I grow up' desire.
I wish I could rescue and care for wild animals. Big, endangered, majestic, beautiful, jungles of South America and plains of Africa animals.
And the thing that you need to understand is that this wish didn't just start today.
In 2005, Natural Urban Dad and I took THE trip of our lives.We were invited to the destination wedding of a dear friend.
The destination? East Africa.
So off we went on the adventure of a lifetime to this incredible wedding in Dar Es Salaam and then a week-long safari through Northern Tanzania. The whole trip was magical. And terrifying and eye-opening and spectacular and so many other big words that I can't think of right now.
I mean I stood at the very spot dubbed the 'Cradle of Mankind' for Pete's sake! It doesn't get much more incredible than that!
In the end though, it was all of the wild and wonderful animals that we saw on our week long safari through the Serengeti and the Ngorongoro Crater, that made the most lasting impression on me.
My love of all things giraffe was born in Africa. They were one of the first animals that we saw driving into the park that first day. The only thing I can relate it to is that scene in Jurassic Park when they see all the dinosaurs for the first time and they big sauropods are walking by almost in slow motion. Seeing a herd of giraffes doing that not 50 feet in front of us was like that, but way, WAY, better!
Going to Africa was our last big hurrah trip. Our chance to do something truly adventurous before we started a family. These thoughts about family may have been heavy in my mind the whole time we were on the safari, because every chance I got, I took pictures (FILM pictures, I must add) of baby animals. Baby elephants trying to keep up with their mommies and aunties, baby monkeys grooming themselves, baby hippos resting on their mamas backs, fuzzy baby giraffes trying to reach the tall branches on the Acacia trees. I would make our guide Ali, stop the Land Rover each and every time we came upon a baby anything so I could get yet another shot!
Heck I even took pictures of animals MAKING babies!!
I loved that trip so much and I promised myself that when we did have kids, and they were old enough, we would do it again. Watching the movie today and seeing the looks of wonder and awe on my babies faces just solidified this desire even more. Natural Urban Dad and I talked about it tonight and agreed that yes, we will all make this trek once again in a few years time.
I think, in an ideal world, everyone should stand at the 'Cradle of Mankind' at least once in their lifetime and be humbled by it and truly understand where we all come from and that we are all connected. And everyone should see all of these magnificent animals in their natural habitats to really know what it means to be 'born to be wild' and know why that matters.
Because it changes EVERYTHING.
At least it did for me.
Asante sana,
natasha~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 22 of the Summer Blog Challenge and now all I want to do is plan our next trip!
Let's go see what these people are up to...
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
#notbuyingit-part two
I wrote a post last night about how I was upset about the gender stereotyping that occurs at stores like Gymboree and Old Navy for Halloween (and all year long really) and I made a terrible and glaringly awful mistake in that post. I forgot about the boys.
And it is because I totally got called out by this comment from reader Dave (highlighting is mine), that I am writing this now.
...gender stereotyping starts much too young and invades far too much of our society. As bad as it is for the girls who want to be an EMT or Astronaut, and it is really bad, it is even worse in the opposite direction. That’s right, if girls are highly stereotyped as ‘Pretty’, then the degree of stereotyping aimed at boys is far, FAR worse. It is so bad that it is not even recognized as stereotyping – indignation is expressed against the lack of images of girls as pirates or dragons, but no mention is ever made of the lack of boys as butterflies or flowers. The image of girls in traditional ‘boy’ roles may be having trouble breaking into the mainstream, but the image of boys in traditional ‘girl’ roles is almost universally viewed as “queer”, “gay”, or “immoral” to the point where it is never seen and virtually never mentioned – I note that it is not mentioned in your own blog. If we want to see gender equality, then both sides of this inequality have to be addressed...
To be perfectly honest, I didn't quite forget about the boys, I was thinking about them the whole time I was writing the post and struggling with my own ingrained stereotypes.
Because here is the thing...
Even though Natural Urban Dad and I have not purposely focused on anything particularly gender specific for our children, we are the parents of a superhero, dinosaur, Transformers, and Hero Factory loving boy and a puppy dogs, unicorns , Hello Kitty and fairy loving girly girl. Now that is not to say that at any given point in our house there may in fact be a tea party happening with fairies, puppies AND Transformers all enjoying a sip or two kids running around the house roaring like the scary T-rex's that they are while wearing their baby dolls on their backs, but for all intents and purposes I am a mama to two kids who A) love each other a whole lot and B) who have pretty specific and somewhat traditional likes and dislikes.
And why wouldn't they?
I am quite the girly girl myself. I like to wear skirts and dresses and jewelry and have pretty shoes and painted toenails and all that jazz. I like to have tea parties (or coffee playdates as we mamas like to call them) and go shopping and I happen to have a love of all things fey as well.
{Case in point: My new sparkly 'Goddess' shoes!}
And Natural Urban Dad is a {ridiculously gorgeous} superhero nerd, who loves his comic books, will never wear pink (although a nice lavender is OK) and firmly believes that all of life's important lessons can be learned from the likes of Superman, Spiderman and The Avengers.
{And it is a key factor in his decorating choices as well.}
Somehow, without quite meaning to do so, not only have we have created two incredibly lovable and beautiful little creatures, but we have also quite literally created them in our own images!
This is not a bad thing at all, it just means that I need to be a bit more honest about my own thoughts and feelings about gender inequality and stereotypes that exist in this world and in the reality that is my kids lives as well. Am I still upset about the ad images and marketing that kids stores use? YES! Absolutely. Costumes are just that, costumes. To be used to inspire imagination and role play and for kids to pretend to be anything they want to be. Be it a flower, a bug, an astronaut or a dragon. But like Dave said, until we address this from both sides of the gender coin this inequality and stereotyping will continue unchecked.
No one illustrated these points better than my dear friend Alex in this incredible post about her son and his wings! Please read it and know although I am still #notbuyingit from Gymboree, Old Navy or any of the 'girl' this and 'boy' that toys and products that companies keep shoving down our throats, I will likely have a Minnie Mouse and a Zombie on my hands come Halloween this year.
Of course, because he is my son, that zombie may in fact be a daddy zombie wearing his baby zombie in a carrier on his back.
Who knows....?
Till tomorrow,
Natasha~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is Day 20 of the 31 Days of the Summer Blog Challenge.
Comments and retweets and sharing makes us all feel special.
Go do some of that over at these blogs too! Thank you.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now