Breaking up is hard to do.
I think I am in denial. About moving that is.
We are two weeks away from our designated move-in date to the Natural Urban Home and I have packed a grand total of 16 boxes.
Every day I look around and I think to myself, "GET GOING WOMAN! What are you waiting for? All of this 'stuff' is not going to pack itself!" (No matter how much I wish and pray and dream for this to be true!)
As I peel back the layers of US from this house, I realize that I am having a hard time "breaking up" with our home.
This is the only real home that the four of us have known together and the one that has seen us grow together as a family.
This is the only home my children have experienced Christmas in. The house they took their first steps in and the one they first shared a room in. Every scratch in the hardwood in front of the built-in book-case is a reminder of hours and hours of baby and toddler play time on the floor.
This is the house that Natural Urban Dad and I built to heal us from our first home building experience and the results were so much more than we ever expected. A big part of that was our contractor, who thankfully is our current one as well, but living in this house has made us happy. Walking in the door every day to the warmth and coziness of our home, made us happy.
This is the home that welcomed massive playdates, family dinners (including the unforgettable Turkey Debacle of Christmas '07) and many nights of 'fire and wine' and me talking way too loud in the backyard. This is the home that had an open door policy for a certain little next door neighbour... and his daddy too (and this proximity will be missed by all of us)!
This was the home of the Natural Urban Mamas Store. The place where I met so many of my customers and clients and their beautiful little babies and taught a lot of mamas the art of babywearing. Where I stayed up late doing the books and often times even later searching for and finding all of the wonderful babywearing and natural parenting products for the store.
This is the home of milestone birthdays. My children's firsts and my fortieth.
A lot has happened in this house to shape me and my family... and so, I am procrastinating.
Next week we will start to slowly move our 'stuff' over to the Natural Urban Home. And I know it won't take long for this new house to become home for us. It too was built from love (and not just a little bit of personal blood, sweat and tears) and will open up a new chapter in the book of Us. One that will be equally if not even more fantastic.
But for now... I am leaving the pictures up on the walls a little while longer, I am not really touching the kids rooms at all yet and I am savouring our last real week in our first family home.
P.S. And I really need to book a mover ASAP!! Any recommendations?
Irony and an Arrow
Do you know what sucks and is also kind of ironic? I am attending a blogging conference this weekend, the inaugural Blogwest 2012 AND I am also suffering from a seemingly unending case of writer's block!
I seriously have about 10 posts sitting in my drafts folder that I started writing, got to a certain point and then just sort of lost steam.
And this is starting to really piss me off!
I think it is because my brain is so full of a lot of other life events right now. Selling our house, building the new house, closing the store, getting the new site up and running, prepping the family and business tax returns (whoohoo fun... NOT!!), and packing, I really have to start doing more packing.
All of this has left me feeling like I may be neglecting my space and my readers here on my blog.
BUT...
What I am NOT feeling, is like I am neglecting my family.
And really, that was the point of pretty much every major decision that I have made this year. Right?
Little C wants me to help him make an imaginary recipe of sticks and twigs and play dough. Sure thing baby.
Princess L wants to read me a story and pretend that she is the mommy. Yup, just let me sit down first.
Starting each morning with a new favourite song of the day and a kitchen dance party. Check.
Ending our days together taking the dog for a walk and getting some sweet, fresh, snowy air. Doing that.
REGULAR date nights out with Natural Urban Dad every couple of weeks and an evening babysitter who loves my kids. Yes, I've got that too!
So while I may be not writing a whole lot lately, I am doing a lot more of what I am supposed to be doing. Looking after me and my little family.
Now, what I am also feeling, is that I need to really come to terms with and be a whole lot more vocal and proud that I am a...
Magnificent MAMA,
a wonderful WIFE,
and a brazen BLOGGER!
And kind of in that order too.
Inspiration with hit soon enough and my block will become unblocked. When it does, I will be ready for it, and so will my typing fingers!!
I have a feeling that it might happen sometime this weekend when I am surrounded by the many bloggers and brands and fabulous online folk that will be attending Blogwest 2012.
A friend of mine pinned this anonymous quote tonight and I thought it was very a propos!
Getting ready for a big 'launch'!
Goodnight all,
Natasha~
My week with Gloria. AKA the 2012 Ford Focus.
A few weeks ago I got to hang out with a new friend for a week. It was a good week, we didn't go anywhere too fantastic, just toodled around town with each other, getting groceries, taking the kids to and from school and hitting up a yoga class or two. Gloria was a good companion to have around. She was smooth, easy-going, and handled herself very well everywhere I took her.
And to top it all off, she has one heck of a snappy style to her.
Check her out!
Yes, Gloria is a car.
She is in fact the 2012 Ford Focus Titanium Hatchback.
When I was first asked if I wanted to drive the Focus, I thought now why would I want to drive such a small car. I have 2 kids. We need WAY more room than that. But then I started to think about it, had a look at some of the specs and features that the Focus has to offer and changed my mind.
I am after all the Natural Urban Mama and I live my life trying to find ways to lower my carbon footprint on our beautiful Mother Earth. What better way than to see how small and fuel-efficient a family of four can go when it comes to a vehicle.
Enter Gloria.
Now in case you are wondering about the naming... well, I name my cars. All of them. Don't you?
In my life I have driven not one, not two, but three Ford vehicles. Blackie, the Ford Taurus that saved my life in a highway roll over in November of 2000, Belle, the Ford Windstar van that moved us into our first house and Blaze, the Ford Escape that brought home my firstborn child from the hospital. Needless to say, Ford has had my back a few times in my life and of all the car companies out there, I have much respect that they weathered the recession far better than the others.
This was not my first time in the new Ford Focus. Back in October of 2011 I attended the Blissdom Canada conference in Toronto, and Ford was one of the main sponsors. While there I was able to check out quite a few of the new technologies and innovations that Ford is incorporating into their line-up of vehicles and I was duly impressed.
Having the opportunity to get to see these technologies and designs up close and personal is definitely a treat and that is kind of how I would describe driving the Ford Focus.
I picked up Gloria at the end of the coldest week of winter. The first thing that hit me was her styling and interior look (and hence her name as I was reminded of the girl penguin from Happy Feet). You can't help but feel like you are stepping in to a sexy little speedster! The contrast stitching and sleek design really do up the cool mom factor don't you think?
The second thing I noticed, that day especially, was the 5-position heated seat! My whole backside was toasty warm within minutes of being in the car. Trust me this is something that comes in very handy on days when it is -32 degrees Celsius outside.
Further notes on the interior of the Focus. Like all new Ford vehicles, the Focus keeps everything you need quite simple and right in front of you. It features the SYNC with MyFordTouch system and voice activated control of the climate controls, audio system and hands-free calling paired with your blue tooth smart phone. While I do like that the SYNC system recognizes my iPhone and uploads my contact list directly, I found it a little fumbly when trying to call someone. There seemed to be a lot of questions that I had to answer before getting to the actual call. I found that I ended up using the touch screen more often to quickly get to the number or contact that I wanted to call. But of course, never when I was actually driving!
For me, the true parental test of Gloria's interior, was the car-seat one. We were unable to fit our Radian XT car seats into the Focus in the rear-facing position and still be able to have people sit comfortably in the front seats. Technically the Focus is outfitted for three car seats in the back seat, but realistically it would be a stretch to do so. Two car seats forward facing with the middle seat-back folded down to reveal the two cup-holders made my two little backseat drivers very happy (it's the simple things people). And I have to say that driving a car, versus a minivan or an SUV, is kind of nice in that they kids are able to easily get in and out of the car all by themselves. You may think this is no big deal, until you are wrangling a toddler and a preschooler in the parking lot at the mall and you have your hands full of bags too. Some independence on their part is a good thing and Gloria provided them with this beautifully!
And while we are talking about shopping, I am sure you are wondering how Gloria stacks up in regards to cargo space. I did do one big grocery shopping trip during our week together and managed to get all the bags packed into the hatch quite nicely. I did not take her to Costco though and I am not sure I could manage to get all of the big items packed into the car, especially if I had the kids with me. This is the reality of a small car and really not that big of one when you really think about it. Just think of the money you'll save because you can't get your multi pack of two-bite brownies and 74 rolls of toilet paper in the car!
In terms of performance and fuel economy, I am not sure there is much out there at this point that competes with the Ford Focus. With a 7.8 L/100km city and 5.5 L/100 km highway fuel economy rating, the Focus can get up to 977 on one tank of gas on the highway! I had Gloria for 6 days, drove her all over the city, used just over half a tank of gas and got 325 kilometers out of her. I was duly impressed.
All her good looks aside, Gloria drives quite nicely too. Natural Urban Dad drives a small car and I like driving it because if feels all zippy and fun. Gloria was a different story. Still a lot of fun, but with way more substance to her! For this minivan driving Mama, driving Gloria felt like I was getting a teeny tiny taste of rally racing. She handled the icy, snowy streets of Edmonton with ease (and thanks to the winter tires that Ford outfitted her with), and I never felt like she was going to lose it on any surface. And the one time I did really push her to show me what she's got, Gloria did not disappoint. She revved her engine, shifted smoothly and gave me one sweet ride!
Ford has incorporated a whole lot of fancy schmancy new technology in the Focus, a lot of which you just don't see in the entry-level car market. Things like electronic power assist steering (EPAS), that helps reduce vehicle pulling/drifting and torque vectoring control, which essentially means "providing stabilizing braking force to an individual drive wheel in a similar way that a skier or board-rider would shift weight to carving edge when turning...". The Focus comes with Ford's coolest new feature, the Active Park Assist. This is an option on most models, but one I highly recommend. It's a bit odd the first time you try it, but time after time, Gloria parallel parked herself perfectly!
Gloria has one final bit of technology that I think is a parent's dream. It is the MyKey feature. This is standard on all Ford vehicles now and allows for parents to set speed and audio limits in the car. I know, I know, this sounds like a HUGE buzz kill for most 17 year olds out there, but as a parent of not one but two future 17 year olds who will want to borrow the car, I am ALL for this feature. With a MyKey programmed key fob, the vehicle's audio system will be muted until seat-belts are fastened, it provides an earlier low-fuel warning and you can also set the upper volume of the audio system. All of it combines to provide a safer driving experience for new drivers and also enhances fuel economy as well.
All in all, my week with the Ford Focus was really quite nice. It lived up to my expectations of what a small car can do and then some. The Focus pricing is very reasonable, starting at $15, 999.00 for the base S model and tops out at just over $30,000.00 for one just like Gloria (Titanium Hatchback with ALL available options).
As for my opinion of it as a family car... If you have one child it is perfect and you really don't need anything bigger. You can easily fit a stroller in the hatch and have plenty of room for 2 other passengers. If you have two children you can still get away with it, but you will be sacrificing room for that fifth passenger. That being said, Natural Urban Dad really liked Gloria as well, and I think if we were in the market for a vehicle to replace his current one, the Ford Focus would be at the top of the list.
Ford as a company continues to impress me on many levels, from their innovative design, commitment to improving fuel economy in all their lines and their use of sustainable materials in their production as well. And in the Spring of 2012 they will start selling the Focus Electric... Seriously folks, it's things like this that get this Natural Urban Mama pretty darn excited and I can't wait to give that one a spin!!
Happy Driving,
Natasha~
**Disclosure: Vehicle was provided by Ford.**
om.....
Today I am running through all the phrases and sayings and meditations I can to keep my calm.
"Everything happens for a reason."
"Problems are not stops signs, they are guideposts." Robert Schuller
"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests." Epictetus
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." Dory
It is kind of working. Although I am pretty sure I freaked my kids out real good when I broke down and started sobbing after I picked them up (25 minutes late) from school, got another phone call about the Natural Urban Home and YET another issue that is not going as planned that I have to deal with and after I yelled at them to stop the FUCKING WHINING ALREADY!! (Sad to say--that is a direct quote.)
I really just have to calm down, take some deep breaths and repeat the above words of wisdom over and over (obviously, not the part about the whining!). Sitting here in Starbucks and writing it all down with my lovely Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte seems to be helping a bit.
I feel like I am at a weird cusp in my life right now. There is a lot of "When this happens, it will get better..." sentences being said to me, from myself and others.
"When our current house is sold, we won't have to worry so much..."
"When the store is finally closed, you won't feel so stressed and can focus on the kids more..."
"After the move, everything will settle down and it will get all better..."
I know that this is all true and that our life will be a lot less hectic in a few months. It is the time until then that I am worried about. And my stress and anxiety over it is rubbing off on those that I love the most. Especially the kids.
And if I have taught my kids one thing it is to be very open with me about their feelings.
To hear from your 5-year-old that I am not a fun mommy or the dreaded "I hate YOU!", sucks ASS! And the 3-year-old even told me that I scared her the other day with my yelling. So, you can imagine the heaping, stinky pile of 'mommy guilt' that I am under right now. The boy is not wrong...I am not a fun mommy right now.
I really have to try to keep this in check and keep my eye on the bigger picture. I can't afford to let myself slip back to where I was back in October. I need to be the non-toxic glue keeping it all together right now. For myself and for my little family.
So on that note...
I give you the things I am grateful for today:
1. A husband who comes home from work and tells me to go sleep off my migraine and takes care of all parental and house duties.
2. An hour at the gym with my awesome trainer, who kicks my ass and reminds me that YES, I CAN do this!
3. Amazing friends who will pick up my kids from school when I am late and offer help whenever I need it.
4. My babysitter. Gawd, I am SO thankful for her on days like today!
5. My contractor's Site Manager. Cute, competent and completely honest with me at all times.
6. Sunshine on a winter's day.
7. The current roof over our heads as well as the new one we are building.
8. Friends who chat with me on Facebook and make me feel normal.
9. The way my daughter looks like such a big girl with her hair in a ponytail.
10. How they both speak louder and slower when I ask them to use their big boy/girl voice as opposed to a whiney one.
11. I said this already, but a nice hot Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte and the background noise of my local Starbuck's.
12. My favourite green t-shirt.
13. Bank tellers that know me by name.
14. Picking up my new designer spring dress from My Filosophy. (A beautiful orange number by Joeffer Caoc.)
15. A dog who comes in for a snuggle and a pet, especially when I am crying.
16. Writing as therapy...
See, I'm feeling better already.
Om.......
Natasha~
it is all up here in my head
I swear I am writing. (And not just taking silly iPhone pictures all day!) See...
Writing, writing, writing.
OK. Here's the thing...
I have one seriously big flaw. (Yes, yes, I know I have more than that, but this is the biggie!)
I have HORRIBLE time management skills.
Like, truly AWFUL!
I can guarantee you that I have not been on time for more than about 5 things in the last 5 years and these were probably all flights somewhere!
And every day, I get these amazing ideas for blog posts and things I want to write about and I mentally take notes and I start to "write" the posts in my head and tell myself that when I get home and the kids are napping, I will write and post all these amazing things.
And then I get home and the kids decide NOT to nap, or there is the freaky, never-ending, someone put the laundry on loop, pile of clothes that needs to be washed/dried/folded, or the dog is giving me the "Yo, lady, it's been three days since I had a decent walk" look, or I need to make four more calls about the Natural Urban Home (SEE, when was the last time I posted an update on THAT little project?) or I am closing the Natural Urban Mamas store and getting all the orders packed/shipped and into the hands of my amazing customers or... Well, you are getting the picture right?
I just can't seem to find the time.
Until now usually.
And NOW is 11:30 PM and it is Bedtime.
I could stay up and write for another couple of hours...
But my poor husband would go yet another night with me sneaking into bed after he has been there for 2-3 hours already and we made a promise to each other over Christmas that we would have a decent bedtime and go to bed together from now on.
And I really want to go to Bikram Yoga tomorrow morning and for this I need to put my "It's just like getting to the airport on time for a flight" mentality to work and truly get there on time. Because just like a flight, those crazy Yogis lock the doors when it is time for Bikram lift-off and don't open them for anyone!
But I promise you.
All these great posts.
I have them all up here in my head.
Please stick around for when they finally make it to the {little} screen!
Thank you and Good night,
Natasha~
pointing out rainbows
This post has been a long time coming. And I don't really know how to write it.
So here goes...
I have come to a realization over the past few months. (You Mamas out there with little babies, listen up!)
What I have realized is this. We have all been duped.
We have been duped into believing that our babies need us the most when they are brand new. And while, yes, it is true that they do need us to clothe, feed, soothe, love and protect them while they are so tiny and vulnerable, once you get into a routine and you find your mama-baby rhythm, things can get relatively easy at this point. Yes, I know, I am making some big generalizations here, but stick with me on this.
Last year I went to visit a friend in Toronto who had just had her third daughter. Her two older girls were 4 and 6 at the time. When I asked her if she was going to go back to work again after her maternity leave, I was very surprised to hear her say no, that now she needed to stay home with the girls. I assumed she meant because of the baby, but she told me that it was more for the older two. At that point I really did not understand what she meant.
Now I do.
My kids are 22 months apart. And while this was a challenge when they were say teeny babies and then at 6 and 28 months old and then again at 1 and 3, it is NOTHING compared to right this very minute when they are 3 and 5 years old.
They NEED me!
A LOT.
The questions they have need answers. They need to DO more. With their growing bodies and with their expanding minds. They are both in play school now and are starting to navigate the world of friends who are not always of my choosing. And all this means we have activities to attend, playdates to go to, new skills to hone and way more emotions to deal with on a daily, if not hourly basis.
So I need to be here for them, while they are still little. I know, that to some degree they will always need me, I just can't let them down right now. These years are important ones, the degree to which they are learning and growing and becoming little individuals with their own opinions and feelings is astounding and I need to be giving them my full attention. It's my job to help them navigate through this time in their lives and it is the most precious and MOST IMPORTANT job that I have.
In the past year I have spent way too much time saying the following phrases over and over to my kids,
"Just one more email and then Mommy will come and play with you."
"I just need to pack up these orders and then we can go to the park."
" Please wait...."
"Just five more minutes..."
The list goes on.
And it is not only that. As a family, Natural Urban Dad and I made the decision that I would be the stay-at-home parent. We did not want to have both of us working, have our kids in daycare and have our money go to someone else to spend most of the day with our kids. We are very fortunate that we can make that choice and it is one that I never, ever want to take for granted or lose sight of why we made it in the first place.
In the past six months I have been increasing our babysitter's hours on a regular basis to the point that I might as well just call her our nanny and be done with it. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my babysitter, like, REALLY love her. And so do my kids. But for the months before Christmas, every time I would have to go to a meeting or an event or just lock myself in the office to get some work done, I would come home to kids who missed me the whole time I was gone, who became super clingy for the rest of the day and night and who kept saying over and over how much they wish I didn't have to go away so much. The guilt that I was feeling and the mounting childcare bill where getting to the point that I was starting to feel ridiculously overwhelmed. And I started questioning whether 'having it all' or 'trying to do it all' was really worth it anymore.
Turns out it is not.
And the time has come for me to make a few changes in my life.
The first of which is that...
Natural Urban Mamas, THE STORE, will be closing its virtual doors.
This was a very long and hard decision to make, but one that I know is right for me and for my family at this time. I want to thank each and every one of you who has supported me on this journey. I have learned so much about life, about business, about myself and about the strength and determination that lives in so many of you through this adventure called entrepreneurship. I have made some life long friends and probably a few frenemies along the way too. I thank you all for lifting me up and making me want to be a better person, a better mother and a better business woman.
I want you to know that I am not going away. I have spent a lot of time and effort in educating myself about and being an advocate for babywearing and breastfeeding and all kinds of aspects of natural parenting. This part of Natural Urban Mamas will remain. I will still be doing workshops and speaking engagements and you will be able to find me here on the Natural Urban Mama blog or on Twitter or Facebook whenever you need to. Just know that I may not respond as quickly as I have in the past, because I will likely be watching someone learn to float on their back all by themselves or I'll be hanging out at the museum with a certain bug-crazy small individual.
“The work will wait while you show your child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work.”
Patricia Clafford
I want my kids to remember these years and our time spent together and I want to know that I did all that I could to make it memorable for all of us.
Thank you all!
Much Love,
Natasha~
And lucky YOU! Starting on January 30th and while supplies last,
Our "UNTIL IT IS ALL GONE" Blow-out Sale will be happening at Natural Urban Mamas.com!
three days
Day 10: Childhood...
heroes that is.
Day 11: Where I sleep...
well, at least it will be in about 6-8 weeks.
Day 12: Close-up
My beautiful "Renaissance Baby" nursing.
For most of my #JANphotoaday shots I have been using a new photography App called Camera+ and I am really liking it.
I hope you are enjoying my shots!
N~