too much
Remember that time when I wanted to be all smart and political and help inform my fellow mamas about the upcoming election? AND I was moving into the Natural Urban Home that very same weekend? Yeah...
I did that. And now I have completely overextended myself.
This move has been tough. I have been physically and emotionally exhausted every day this week and there is still so much to do to get us completely settled in the house. AND there are still a fair amount of outstanding projects that need completing in and around the house that I have to either supervise or be on hand for as well this coming week.
So I must apologize to all of you for promising more than I can deliver right now. I just can't research and write the posts about the parties and their platforms. If we had another month and not just a week before the Alberta provincial election, it would be doable, but I just can't deliver the caliber of post and information that I would want to (and that you deserve) given the time frame and my state of physical and mental ability!
It is now 10:41 PM on a Friday night and all I want to do is crawl to my bedroom and into my bed and sleep away the pain in my back (a trip to the lovely Dr. Josline at Bearspaw Chiropractic tomorrow will help with that too) and the headache that has been harassing me all day.
On a happier note, my awesome dining room table (the Dakota from Crate and Barrel) arrived yesterday and it is PERFECT!
See...
My sincerest apologies everyone.
Goodnight,
Natasha~
48 hours
In less than 48 hours we will be moving into the Natural Urban Home. Yes, yes, I know, it's all I am talking about lately, but I am getting excited.
Kinda.
I am also THE BIGGEST ball of stress and anxiety, that it is not even funny!
Over the last few weeks I have managed to put myself into a full-fledged RA flare AND give myself what I think are the beginnings of a stomach ulcer. TUMS and my anti-inflammatory medications are my very good friends this week.
The last time we moved, Little C was 6 months old. He didn't care what was going on and was content to just be worn in a carrier while I packed up our little house. And it was June.
Today I woke up to this....
Mother Nature is playing a cruel, cruel, four days late, April Fool's joke on me! I am not impressed lady!
And my poor children.
This time around, at 5 and 3.5 years old, they DO care about what is going on and are a lot more sensitive to the whole process. Now, this is not to say that they are not excited, they really are, but they are also feeling a fair amount of stress about the move too.
Our routines are all messed up. We haven't sat down at a table for dinner in over a week (it is covered in boxes and missing chairs). Naps have been very hit and miss. Three quarters of their toys and games have been packed up and well, Mama is a big stress ball!
And my kids are the sensitive kind. And also the vocal kind, especially about their feelings. (FYI- I am kind of proud of BOTH of these things!)
All of this makes for some very trying moments in our days as of late. Their needs are not getting met to the best of my ability because of all of the other tasks and to do lists and to be perfectly honest, the needs of the house(s) and this move.
I know it is a temporary situation, but it still doesn't make all those ugly guilty-mom feelings go away. And this is adding to my stress level too.
This morning started out rocky for all of us and not only because of the crappy drive in all that snow. We had to have a little three person huddle before we left the house to talk it all out and I explained to the kids how I am feeling right now and that I am nervous about moving and making sure we are all ready and packed and good to go.
My kids... They really are amazing little people. They both gave me huge "love" hugs (in our house these are the super-duper tight squeeze-y ones), told me it was all going to be OK and that they can't wait to be in the new house, gave me kisses and then we went on our way to playschool.
And then I went to my favourite cafe for a HUGE latte and some time to just be...
Ahhhhhh.....
48 hours people.
I just have to get through the next 48 hours and then it will all be OK...
Why is it that the unpacking is always so much better than the packing?
Deep breathes,
Natasha~
Breaking up is hard to do.
I think I am in denial. About moving that is.
We are two weeks away from our designated move-in date to the Natural Urban Home and I have packed a grand total of 16 boxes.
Every day I look around and I think to myself, "GET GOING WOMAN! What are you waiting for? All of this 'stuff' is not going to pack itself!" (No matter how much I wish and pray and dream for this to be true!)
As I peel back the layers of US from this house, I realize that I am having a hard time "breaking up" with our home.
This is the only real home that the four of us have known together and the one that has seen us grow together as a family.
This is the only home my children have experienced Christmas in. The house they took their first steps in and the one they first shared a room in. Every scratch in the hardwood in front of the built-in book-case is a reminder of hours and hours of baby and toddler play time on the floor.
This is the house that Natural Urban Dad and I built to heal us from our first home building experience and the results were so much more than we ever expected. A big part of that was our contractor, who thankfully is our current one as well, but living in this house has made us happy. Walking in the door every day to the warmth and coziness of our home, made us happy.
This is the home that welcomed massive playdates, family dinners (including the unforgettable Turkey Debacle of Christmas '07) and many nights of 'fire and wine' and me talking way too loud in the backyard. This is the home that had an open door policy for a certain little next door neighbour... and his daddy too (and this proximity will be missed by all of us)!
This was the home of the Natural Urban Mamas Store. The place where I met so many of my customers and clients and their beautiful little babies and taught a lot of mamas the art of babywearing. Where I stayed up late doing the books and often times even later searching for and finding all of the wonderful babywearing and natural parenting products for the store.
This is the home of milestone birthdays. My children's firsts and my fortieth.
A lot has happened in this house to shape me and my family... and so, I am procrastinating.
Next week we will start to slowly move our 'stuff' over to the Natural Urban Home. And I know it won't take long for this new house to become home for us. It too was built from love (and not just a little bit of personal blood, sweat and tears) and will open up a new chapter in the book of Us. One that will be equally if not even more fantastic.
But for now... I am leaving the pictures up on the walls a little while longer, I am not really touching the kids rooms at all yet and I am savouring our last real week in our first family home.
P.S. And I really need to book a mover ASAP!! Any recommendations?
exhaustion
Yesterday was not the best of days. We ran into a snafu with the Natural Urban Home and I spent at least 4 hours with my contractor and one of the sub-contractors working on and coming up with a solution to the problem. I don't want to bore you with all the details, but it was a BIG one. And because of it, I felt like I was on the verge of throwing up all day yesterday. It is all straightened out today (thank GAWD!!) and the guys are back at work at the house fixing the problem and working very hard to give us exactly what we want. So that is a good thing.
What totally sucks though is that I feel like a Mac Truck rolled over me. I am so mentally and physically exhausted today that I am surprised I can even walk and talk properly. The bags under my eyes are so GINORMOUS that no amount of concealer would do the trick this morning and I was incredibly thankful that today was Pajama Day at music class. I just rolled the kids (and myself) out of bed and out the door. And yes, I am wearing sweats today... in public.
The good news is that the kids are finally down for a nap, I am about to go have one too and today ended up being a lovely fluffy mail day. My new Toad in a Tree top was waiting for me when we got home! Now, I am comfy and warm and about to hit my bed.
Sweet napping dreams y'all!
Natasha~
Progress, pictures and a bit of a panic!
Ok, so in July of 2011 I had this big plan to document and blog about the whole process of us building our Natural Urban Home. And now it is the end of February and we are about five weeks away from getting possession of said home.
Um...
Oops!
I am so sorry for leaving you all out of the loop, but if you have been following along for the past 6 months you'll know how crazy and busy it has been around here (and in my mind).
But I have been taking pictures...
Lots and lots of pictures!
So when we left off, the full height ICF (insulated concrete forms) had just been poured. I get a lot of questions about why we built the house like this, so here it is, the top 5 reasons why we choose to use ICF (information from the ICForming website).
- ICF is highly energy efficient. The foam in LOGIX brand ICF walls provides a thermal resistance rating of R-24. This exceptionally high R-value, along with high thermal mass and reduced air infiltration, allow ICF walls to deliver significantly higher performance levels. I swear I can feel this already! Even before the electrical and heating was hooked up, it was significantly warmer inside the house. I can't wait to see what this does to our energy bills!
- The sound insulation is superior. ICF walls offer you a quieter, more tranquil interior environment. An ICF wall can easily achieve a sound transmission classification of STC 50, which is twice as high as a typical wood-framed wall. Loud noises outside an ICF building will be reduced to a whisper inside the building. This is a big deal for me. While I do love our neighbours dearly at our current house, I can seriously hear a whole conversation through our bedroom wall when they are in their back yard!
- It's highly moisture resistant. ICF Walls don't need an extra vapor barrier. For below-grade applications, LOGIX ICF provides a waterproofing system that ensures a comfortably dry basement. Improved air quality is another benefit as ICF eliminates the studs and cavities that can hold moisture and foster mold and mildew growth. I am all for no mold! I hate that smell and the health concerns that come with it!
- It's stronger and safer. ICF buildings are up to 8.5 times stronger than conventionally framed buildings. As a result, ICF walls are much better able to withstand severe weather such as hurricanes and tornadoes. ICF walls have a 3-hour fire rating as opposed to 15 minutes for a comparable wood framed wall. Just in case! Fire is my number one fear as a homeowner and this gives me a bit more peace of mind!
- It's environmentally friendly. Buildings constructed with ICF are designed to last for centuries, not decades. LOGIX ICF walls conserve precious natural forest resources and their energy efficiency reduces fuel consumption. The use of LOGIX promotes sustainable, green building practices, and is an investment in the future. And really, that is what our goal was when we envisioned the Natural Urban Home. So there you have it folks, a house that will last forever and will also be our forever home!
With the walls and the roof trusses up, you can really start to see the shape of the house coming together! And I am SO loving the floor to ceiling windows in every room! I am looking forward to so much natural light infusing our daily lives.
A little 'inspection' by the boys!
A few of the other main 'green' building choices that we incorporated in the house include an upgraded window package, with HP triple paned Argon-filled windows. This further improves the energy performance of our home and also reduces noise from the outside. The heating system throughout the home is a radiant in-floor heating system. I found a great explanation of the differences between radiant heating and forced-air heating on the BuildingGreen.com site. Essentially, with radiant floor heating you are heating the PERSON from the floor (feet) up via radiation of the heat, versus heating the AIR around the person via forced-air. We have NO major ductwork in our house, except for the small amount we needed for the air circulation/venting. The heat is now on in the house and I have had a little taste of the in-floor heating and I have to say that walking on the floors is going to be such a joy for this constantly cold-footed chikita!
And speaking of floors. We decided to go with concrete floors throughout the house. Yes, that's right, no hardwood, no tile and no carpet anywhere on the main floor. We chose to do this for a couple of reasons. First, we are making use of the material already present - the concrete. Second, it is a durable, easy to clean flooring option that also reduces allergens, and finally, because of its solar thermal mass properties, a concrete floor has the potential to provide the house with passive energy gains. This past week the concrete floor guys were in doing the polishing/grinding on the floors to give it a more 'salt and pepper' look with some areas of full exposure. I gave them the example of the look of the floor at our local IKEA store and I have to tell you that they came through and then some! I am so in love with how our floors look already and this is before they apply the (eco-friendly) epoxy and urethane coatings.
The hallway floors.
The interior finishings are so much more than I expected and I have to give HUGE props to our contractor and his foremen (Derrick and Steve) for doing an amazing job in custom building ALL of it for us!! We chose a rift-cut white oak for the cabinetry and built-ins in the house and it is absolutely beautiful! And yes, the island in my kitchen is almost 14 feet long!! Can you say "kitchen party" anyone? The apron-wrap 'blizzard' white quartz countertops and the stainless steel appliances should be arriving in about 2 weeks and I am very excited to see how it all comes together!
The kitchen.
The house had a slightly sloped ceiling (1/12 pitch) and on the vaulted area in the kitchen/dining/living space we warmed it up by installing wood on the ceiling! This is a look we first fell in love with on one of our trips to Mexico and I am so happy with how the natural pine boards complement the other woods in the cabinets, window casings and doors!
The Living Room.
Last week, the guys started working on the exterior siding. We had originally planned on using an acrylic stucco for the colored portions of the exterior, but on the advice from our builder, we switched to using a James Hardie fibre-cement siding. The HardiePanel™ product being used is sustainable, durable, uses raw natural materials (sand, water, wood pulp, cement), creates a better building envelope and has been used on multiple LEED® certified buildings in North America. And to be honest, I really like the look of it and also like that we are not like all other modern homes being built in the city using the flat acrylic stucco.
The house has sections of cedar siding as well as some metal panels and the whole exterior look of the place is really starting to come together. And according to the crew, our little Natural Urban Home is starting to be quite the talk of the neighbourhood, with people stopping and asking all about the house and the materials being used.
The back of the house.
Alright.
Well, now that you are all up to date on the goings on at the Natural Urban Home. I have to get back to packing....
Five weeks are going to go by VERY quickly!
In a bit of a packing panic,
Natasha~
P.S. We have also successfully just sold our current house! WOOHOO for one less thing to be stressed about!
om.....
Today I am running through all the phrases and sayings and meditations I can to keep my calm.
"Everything happens for a reason."
"Problems are not stops signs, they are guideposts." Robert Schuller
"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests." Epictetus
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." Dory
It is kind of working. Although I am pretty sure I freaked my kids out real good when I broke down and started sobbing after I picked them up (25 minutes late) from school, got another phone call about the Natural Urban Home and YET another issue that is not going as planned that I have to deal with and after I yelled at them to stop the FUCKING WHINING ALREADY!! (Sad to say--that is a direct quote.)
I really just have to calm down, take some deep breaths and repeat the above words of wisdom over and over (obviously, not the part about the whining!). Sitting here in Starbucks and writing it all down with my lovely Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte seems to be helping a bit.
I feel like I am at a weird cusp in my life right now. There is a lot of "When this happens, it will get better..." sentences being said to me, from myself and others.
"When our current house is sold, we won't have to worry so much..."
"When the store is finally closed, you won't feel so stressed and can focus on the kids more..."
"After the move, everything will settle down and it will get all better..."
I know that this is all true and that our life will be a lot less hectic in a few months. It is the time until then that I am worried about. And my stress and anxiety over it is rubbing off on those that I love the most. Especially the kids.
And if I have taught my kids one thing it is to be very open with me about their feelings.
To hear from your 5-year-old that I am not a fun mommy or the dreaded "I hate YOU!", sucks ASS! And the 3-year-old even told me that I scared her the other day with my yelling. So, you can imagine the heaping, stinky pile of 'mommy guilt' that I am under right now. The boy is not wrong...I am not a fun mommy right now.
I really have to try to keep this in check and keep my eye on the bigger picture. I can't afford to let myself slip back to where I was back in October. I need to be the non-toxic glue keeping it all together right now. For myself and for my little family.
So on that note...
I give you the things I am grateful for today:
1. A husband who comes home from work and tells me to go sleep off my migraine and takes care of all parental and house duties.
2. An hour at the gym with my awesome trainer, who kicks my ass and reminds me that YES, I CAN do this!
3. Amazing friends who will pick up my kids from school when I am late and offer help whenever I need it.
4. My babysitter. Gawd, I am SO thankful for her on days like today!
5. My contractor's Site Manager. Cute, competent and completely honest with me at all times.
6. Sunshine on a winter's day.
7. The current roof over our heads as well as the new one we are building.
8. Friends who chat with me on Facebook and make me feel normal.
9. The way my daughter looks like such a big girl with her hair in a ponytail.
10. How they both speak louder and slower when I ask them to use their big boy/girl voice as opposed to a whiney one.
11. I said this already, but a nice hot Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte and the background noise of my local Starbuck's.
12. My favourite green t-shirt.
13. Bank tellers that know me by name.
14. Picking up my new designer spring dress from My Filosophy. (A beautiful orange number by Joeffer Caoc.)
15. A dog who comes in for a snuggle and a pet, especially when I am crying.
16. Writing as therapy...
See, I'm feeling better already.
Om.......
Natasha~
it is all up here in my head
I swear I am writing. (And not just taking silly iPhone pictures all day!) See...
Writing, writing, writing.
OK. Here's the thing...
I have one seriously big flaw. (Yes, yes, I know I have more than that, but this is the biggie!)
I have HORRIBLE time management skills.
Like, truly AWFUL!
I can guarantee you that I have not been on time for more than about 5 things in the last 5 years and these were probably all flights somewhere!
And every day, I get these amazing ideas for blog posts and things I want to write about and I mentally take notes and I start to "write" the posts in my head and tell myself that when I get home and the kids are napping, I will write and post all these amazing things.
And then I get home and the kids decide NOT to nap, or there is the freaky, never-ending, someone put the laundry on loop, pile of clothes that needs to be washed/dried/folded, or the dog is giving me the "Yo, lady, it's been three days since I had a decent walk" look, or I need to make four more calls about the Natural Urban Home (SEE, when was the last time I posted an update on THAT little project?) or I am closing the Natural Urban Mamas store and getting all the orders packed/shipped and into the hands of my amazing customers or... Well, you are getting the picture right?
I just can't seem to find the time.
Until now usually.
And NOW is 11:30 PM and it is Bedtime.
I could stay up and write for another couple of hours...
But my poor husband would go yet another night with me sneaking into bed after he has been there for 2-3 hours already and we made a promise to each other over Christmas that we would have a decent bedtime and go to bed together from now on.
And I really want to go to Bikram Yoga tomorrow morning and for this I need to put my "It's just like getting to the airport on time for a flight" mentality to work and truly get there on time. Because just like a flight, those crazy Yogis lock the doors when it is time for Bikram lift-off and don't open them for anyone!
But I promise you.
All these great posts.
I have them all up here in my head.
Please stick around for when they finally make it to the {little} screen!
Thank you and Good night,
Natasha~
Three more days...
Day 13. In my bag
...my new Kate Spade bag that is!!
Day 14. Reading
About to start this...
Day 15. Happiness...
..is being 6-8 weeks away from moving in.
#JANphotoaday Challenge.
Cheers, N~