#notbuyingit-part two
I wrote a post last night about how I was upset about the gender stereotyping that occurs at stores like Gymboree and Old Navy for Halloween (and all year long really) and I made a terrible and glaringly awful mistake in that post. I forgot about the boys.
And it is because I totally got called out by this comment from reader Dave (highlighting is mine), that I am writing this now.
...gender stereotyping starts much too young and invades far too much of our society. As bad as it is for the girls who want to be an EMT or Astronaut, and it is really bad, it is even worse in the opposite direction. That’s right, if girls are highly stereotyped as ‘Pretty’, then the degree of stereotyping aimed at boys is far, FAR worse. It is so bad that it is not even recognized as stereotyping – indignation is expressed against the lack of images of girls as pirates or dragons, but no mention is ever made of the lack of boys as butterflies or flowers. The image of girls in traditional ‘boy’ roles may be having trouble breaking into the mainstream, but the image of boys in traditional ‘girl’ roles is almost universally viewed as “queer”, “gay”, or “immoral” to the point where it is never seen and virtually never mentioned – I note that it is not mentioned in your own blog. If we want to see gender equality, then both sides of this inequality have to be addressed...
To be perfectly honest, I didn't quite forget about the boys, I was thinking about them the whole time I was writing the post and struggling with my own ingrained stereotypes.
Because here is the thing...
Even though Natural Urban Dad and I have not purposely focused on anything particularly gender specific for our children, we are the parents of a superhero, dinosaur, Transformers, and Hero Factory loving boy and a puppy dogs, unicorns , Hello Kitty and fairy loving girly girl. Now that is not to say that at any given point in our house there may in fact be a tea party happening with fairies, puppies AND Transformers all enjoying a sip or two kids running around the house roaring like the scary T-rex's that they are while wearing their baby dolls on their backs, but for all intents and purposes I am a mama to two kids who A) love each other a whole lot and B) who have pretty specific and somewhat traditional likes and dislikes.
And why wouldn't they?
I am quite the girly girl myself. I like to wear skirts and dresses and jewelry and have pretty shoes and painted toenails and all that jazz. I like to have tea parties (or coffee playdates as we mamas like to call them) and go shopping and I happen to have a love of all things fey as well.
{Case in point: My new sparkly 'Goddess' shoes!}
And Natural Urban Dad is a {ridiculously gorgeous} superhero nerd, who loves his comic books, will never wear pink (although a nice lavender is OK) and firmly believes that all of life's important lessons can be learned from the likes of Superman, Spiderman and The Avengers.
{And it is a key factor in his decorating choices as well.}
Somehow, without quite meaning to do so, not only have we have created two incredibly lovable and beautiful little creatures, but we have also quite literally created them in our own images!
This is not a bad thing at all, it just means that I need to be a bit more honest about my own thoughts and feelings about gender inequality and stereotypes that exist in this world and in the reality that is my kids lives as well. Am I still upset about the ad images and marketing that kids stores use? YES! Absolutely. Costumes are just that, costumes. To be used to inspire imagination and role play and for kids to pretend to be anything they want to be. Be it a flower, a bug, an astronaut or a dragon. But like Dave said, until we address this from both sides of the gender coin this inequality and stereotyping will continue unchecked.
No one illustrated these points better than my dear friend Alex in this incredible post about her son and his wings! Please read it and know although I am still #notbuyingit from Gymboree, Old Navy or any of the 'girl' this and 'boy' that toys and products that companies keep shoving down our throats, I will likely have a Minnie Mouse and a Zombie on my hands come Halloween this year.
Of course, because he is my son, that zombie may in fact be a daddy zombie wearing his baby zombie in a carrier on his back.
Who knows....?
Till tomorrow,
Natasha~
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This is Day 20 of the 31 Days of the Summer Blog Challenge.
Comments and retweets and sharing makes us all feel special.
Go do some of that over at these blogs too! Thank you.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
#notbuyingit
Okay. So I am usually not one to get all worked up about shit like this, but for some reason today, this is really, REALLY bothering me.
I opened up my email this morning and the first thing that I saw was this.
It's the new Halloween Ad from Gymboree.
And according to the fine folks at Gymboree, my girl's choices for Halloween or dress up are Pixie, fairy, flower or bug and my boy, well, he gets to have an awesome job. Now, you've all seen my girly girl and you and I both know that she would gladly choose any of the above girl costumes. But what if the EMT or the Astronaut picture was of a girl model instead of a boy? Would she perhaps choose one of those instead?
This kind of advertising is not just happening at Gymboree. Old Navy's gender stereotyping for Halloween is just as bad, if not worse. They actually have a separate Toddler Boys and Toddler Girls section for costumes. Really Old Navy, save us Moms that extra click and just have them all in the same section!
I mentioned this on Twitter this morning and had a nice conversation with a young man named @traviswallis. When I said that I thought it would be nice to see some girl models in the ads wearing the dragon or astronaut or pirate costumes, his response was this:
And that right there... THAT is the problem in our society!
90% of {North} Americans wouldn't buy it!
And we wonder why there is gender inequality in our world?
It starts the minute they are born. Pink and blue, dolls and cars, Barbies and Superheroes. It's in ALL the advertising that is supposedly aimed at us, the parent consumers, but is in actuality totally aimed at our kids!
Now some of your may be saying, but why does this matter Natasha, you can just let your daughter choose whatever costume she likes and not worry about whether it is a 'boy' costume or a 'girl' one. To this I say, really? Have YOU tried to dress an almost 4-year old girl lately (or 6-year old boy for that matter)? Trust me, I have very little say in what they wear these days and both my daughter, and her older brother, are very aware of the separate Girl and Boy sections at stores when we are shopping. It's not that easy to say it doesn't matter when it is presented like this right in front their very impressionable young faces.
In my opinion, this kind of advertising just solidifies the media messages that YOU, my girl, are just supposed to be pretty, pretty, pretty and YOU, my boy, get to be all kinds of different and awesome and worthy things.
And that kind of gender-based messaging just doesn't fly around here and is NOT gonna happen or be let into this house!
Sorry Gymboree, Old Navy and whoever else wants to continue to advertise to me (and my kids) like this.
This Mama is #NOTbuyingit!
And my kids are both different and awesome and worthy of a whole lot more than your pithy portrayals of what girls and boys want to be for Halloween!
{end rant}
Natasha~
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Post #18 on Day 19 of the Summer Blog Challenge.
Have you visited these other fine bloggers lately?
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
18 things that I think about EVERY Day
Since I can't remember the awesome blog post idea that I had only hour ago is, I am taking a page from @Schmutzie's playbook today and I am going to give you a list! So here ,in no particular order, is a list of 18 things that cross my mind daily...
1. Why is there not a specialty coffee delivery service/van/company? Seriously, someone please get on that!
2. Why is it that my kids can remember EVERY SINGLE bad word I say, but can't remember where they put the toy they were playing with not 10 minutes ago?
3. Did anyone else secretly wish that Victor Newman was their long lost father when they were growing up?
4. Why are there so many damn spiders in my NEW house!!??
5. I really need a pedicure and a massage. At least bi-weekly.
6. How exactly does one know if the hundreds of dollars spent on anti-aging products are actually working?
7. What the heck is for dinner tonight?
8. I really wish I could remember where I put those fancy new hair twisty clips/bobby pin things that cost me twenty bucks!
9. How on earth did I get a bruise THERE?
10. Should I cut my hair REALLY, REALLY short?
11. Crap, I forgot to take my meds again.
12. I really hate our dining room light. I must get to the lighting store this week to find a new one.
13. I should really just bite the bullet and register for that creative writing class and commit to this THING!
14. What is it about setting goals that scares the shit out of me?
15. Nope, there is absolutely NO chocolate in this house. Don't even think about going to look for any!
16. I wish I could speak Mandarin.
17. Please God, don't let me screw up too badly as a parent and mess them up too much! Just enough to not be boring human beings.
18. (And this one I am adding because it is ALL I am thinking about now!) I am going to go to Costco and buy a VERY LARGE supply of post-its so that I never forget a great post idea ever again. {Thanks to @MrLady for the suggestion. I predict a very colourful computer screen/desk/kitchen counter/bedside table from now on!}
Now, carry on with your day.
Hugs and kisses,
Natasha~
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This is Day 18 of the Summer Blog Challenge.
{And in the spirit of full disclosure, this is post #17 for me. I promise, I WILL catch up.}
Check out what is going on with our other fine bloggers.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Feeding the wolves
A Cherokee Legend
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
~~~~~
I read this tonight and it really made me stop and think.
Which wolf am I feeding?
I woke up this morning, dead tired from a wonderful weekend at Folk Fest and ready to get back to real life. We had swimming lessons to get to, the neglected laundry to wash/dry/fold/put away and I had some calls to make on the never ending house and landscaping to do list.
As I usually do in the morning while the kids are eating breakfast, I checked in on my social media sites. And I saw something on my Facebook feed that immediately pissed me off. It's been something that has been bugging me for a few weeks and I really shouldn't care about it, but I do. I am human, I have an ego and we were both feeling hurt. It is a "little thing" and it was starting to "set me into a fit of temper".
I REALLY wanted to be passive aggressive and post something scathing about this thing that is bugging me on Twitter or Facebook. I wanted to say that some of the people involved don't deserve to be there and that I am just as worthy. (And, no, I am not going to tell you what it is. This is all you are going to get from me about it.) I did not post these thoughts that I was having anywhere and the reason for that was becauseI realized that the real issue here is...
That I was jealous.
Jealous that I was not asked to be part of something and others were.
And these feelings, this jealousy, this negativity, this anger that I am feeling is FEEDING THE WRONG WOLF!
So, instead of going on a public feeding frenzy, I shut it down. I logged out of my social media sites, the kids and I had lunch, and then we all snuggled together in my bed and had a much needed two and a half hour nap.
I don't know about you, but I am seeing WAY too much of these kinds of wolf feeding patterns EVERYWHERE on the Internet lately and the Big Bad Wolf population is getting a bit out of hand.
Don't like how someone is raising their kid--feed the bad wolf!
Don't like the mama breastfeeding her child at the restaurant - FEED the bad wolf!
Don't like pictures of babies on the Internet - feed the bad wolf! (Or just download a ridiculous App for that.)
Don't like the way a company or a group is running their business - feed the bad wolf!
Don't like a certain group of anyone in particular for whatever ridiculous reason - feed the bad wolf!
This list could go on and on and on. It seems that as human beings, we have no shortage of things that piss us off. Things that make us angry and hateful and overly critical and judgmental and yes, jealous too. The Internet and social media, for all the amazing things that they can do in terms of connecting us all, they are also havens for these big bad wolves just waiting for feeding time!
Today I made a decision. I looked inside of myself at the two wolves fighting for dominion over my spirit.
And I chose the Good Wolf.
I chose to feed her, to let go of the hurt that I know was never intended to hurt and to find harmony with those around me. I chose to find harmony with myself as well. When feeding the good wolf today, I really thought about why I do the things that I do, particularly blogging. I realized that although recognition and accolades and sponsorships and all the rest of it is nice, it is not what keeps me here.
This chronicle of my life and my thoughts and my journey, it is what it is and it is for ME. I write to become a better writer. I write to share thoughts that otherwise clog up my brain and keep me awake at night. I write to share my experiences in the hopes that others will be inspired, will laugh, will cry and will perhaps take some grain of knowledge or wisdom or silliness away with them into their own lives.
I write to feed the Good Wolf.
And that is enough for me.
Natasha~
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This is Day 13 of the 31 Days of Summer Blog Challenge.
Not quite half-way, but it is practically all downhill from here. Right?
Please keep reading and encouraging the other participants as well.
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
LOTS of Words Wednesday: A Vlog Post.
It was a gorgeous morning. I found a shady spot at the park and then I recorded this.
Enjoy!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwQzkUsodKw[/youtube]
Mwah!
Natasha~
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This is the Day 8 post for the Summer Blog Challenge and look how EARLY I am posting it! Woohooo me!!
These are the links I was talking about. Click, read, comment, subscribe and join in on all our fun, fun, fun!
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Feminism.. you are doing it all wrong!
I am one confused woman... and mother... and, dare I say it... feminist. And I apologize ahead of time if this post goes a bit all over the place {see statement above} and if I am about three months late on this band wagon! .
I have been trying for the past week or so to read Elizabeth Badinter's book, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women. And I just can't do it anymore.
It is hurting my head and my heart and my very soul reading her words.
And it is doing so on so many levels.
It hurts me because of her blatantly condescending attitude about pretty much everything that I value, hold dear and practice as an attachment parent mother.
It hurts me because of her "look how wonderful WE the French women are at everything we do". From having the highest birth rate in Europe to, you know, getting perineum therapy after having a baby to make sure everything gets all nice and tightened up again 'down there'! {I am serious!! This is a THING people and French social insurance COVERS it!!}
It hurts me because of my own French heritage {my mother was born in Nice} and the beautiful extended French family that I have and love and how it is skewing my view of all things French.
And it hurts me in my feminist heart. Because she is basically saying that I am doing IT {feminism} all wrong.
And she is not the only one.
According to Elizabeth Wurtzel, who wrote how 1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible for The Atlantic this past June, I am not a REAL feminist either. Her reasoning for this?
Let's please be serious grown-ups: real feminists don't depend on men. Real feminists earn a living, have money and means of their own.
So that's it I guess. I must hang up my feminist hat because my husband and I made a decision for our family that I would stop working. A decision that made sense to us both financially and emotionally. And I'd like to point out that although it was ultimately my choice to leave my very well-compensated and highly fulfilling career to fully embrace motherhood, it was Natural Urban Dad who had a harder time wrapping his head around the idea of someone else beingthe primary caregivers for our children during the day.
So, I love the earth, am a breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, organic baby food making, babywearing, stay-at-home-mother, and I don't earn a living. Therefore...
I am NOT a good feminist.
Wurtzel argues that feminism is not something that you FEEL. That it is an absolute and that if you are not living up to the definition by doing all things equally to men than you are ruining it for all women. Badinter pushes this even further and implies that if you are not only not working and earning a living , but also are not getting yourself all back to your pre-baby sexy self and self-indulgent lifestyle in a matter of weeks (Psst, she is the heiress and Board Chair to the PR firm that has contracts with Nestle, Pampers and such, so consider her position in this with a boatload grain of salt!), then you are a slave to that anti-feminist movement she likes to call modern "naturalist" motherhood.
This is what I find highly amusing about both of these women going on and on about what is or is not killing feminism. Wurtzel is saying that it is the 1% super-rich mamas who have nannies and are stay-at-home parents who get pedicures and go to Jivamukti classes (I had to google that one. As one of my daughter's favourite book characters would say, it's a fancy word for YOGA!) who are to blame. And Badinter, herself one of those 1% (if not the 0.1%) of the super-rich, who truly believes that sending children off with nannies or to daycare (with the help of the state who picks up the cost of this) so as to pursue other ambitions (career or social) is the perfectly logical and very French way to go about being a mother.
Neither of these arguments really make any sense to me, and I am not sure that either of these ladies has a clue as to how the majority of mamas out there in the real world manage our day to day lives. Some of us working full-time, some part-time, some from home, some out of the home, and some of us fortunate enough, YES, fortunate, to have the option to stay at home with and for our children.
Cécile Alduy, Associate Professor of French Studies at Stanford and a regular contributor to the Los Angeles Review of Books, wrote an amazing review of The Conflict. It is a long and detailed analysis of the book and in the end she says that,
Not surprisingly for the heir of existentialist Simone de Beauvoir, Badinter seems to posit that a woman’s existence precedes her essence. You are what you do, not what your XX chromosomes tell you to be. It is unfortunate that second wave feminists like her tend to limit the range of worthy self-defining actions to the mandated “work as self-fulfillment” imperative that serves a capitalist economy so well.
Wurtzel seems to be of the same opinion and for me, I tend to believe that it is THIS kind of thinking that continues to fuel the "Mommy Wars", the war on women and is what is destroying feminism for my generation and likely the next as well.
Trust me, it is not me breastfeeding my child, hiring a babysitter a few times a week to hit up a yoga class and not having a 'real' job.
AND for the record, my sense of self-worth is not defined by what I do...
I am defined by who I am.
And I am a woman... in every sense of the word!
Natasha~
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And here is Day 7 of the Summer Blog Challenge. It's starting to get a bit easier... I think.
Check out what the other participants have been up to today...
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
A letter to my daughter.
My dearest L, We've started talking about it.
About you growing up and getting to be a big girl now.
I see you taking so many steps and leaps into life that only a few short months ago, I know would have been impossible for you to navigate.
Today, I dropped you off for your first ever day of summer camp and I was SO worried. I was worried that you would not want to participate. That you would not let me leave you there with your camp leaders for the few hours of fun and learning.
But I was wrong.
You put that bike helmet on, told your Bike Camp instructor your name and with a big smile and a wave back at me, took off with the rest of the kids.
I stuck around for a bit, just to make sure you settled in OK {and to be honest, more for my peace of mind than yours}. But there was really no need, because you my girl, ROCKED IT!
And I am so proud of you.
We have also started talking about you going to preschool in the Fall and how when that happens and because you will be such a big girl then...
...that we are going to stop nursing.
And I know that you my beautiful girl will likely be far more OK with this decision and transition than me, the grown up. For you it is another milestone. A stepping stone on your amazing flower strewn path of life and a beginning of a new phase of self-discovery. For me it is going to be something a little different.
It is an end of something for Mommy. Something that has meant more to me than I ever, in my wildest dreams, could have imagined it would mean. And I may be a bit sad about it.
But I know in my heart that it is time. It is time that we both take those big girl steps and grow up a bit. You into the super-girl preschooler that I know you are going to be and me into the mama of two KIDS and no longer the mama of babies.
I hope that one day we can both look back on these days fondly. That you will remember nursing and how it made you feel. How you liked to snuggle into me, take a deep inhale and say that I smelled like boobie-breasts - your sly little hint that you wanted to nurse.
I want you to know that this experience with first your big brother and then you, has shaped me in more ways that you can imagine.
Nursing you has made me a more patient mama. A more present mama. And a more pragmatic mama too. YOU made me just BE in a way that I wasn't doing before you. And I am not sure I can ever thank you properly for that.
I see so much of myself in you my girl. We look similar, we have similar mannerisms, and yet, there you are, your own little person. Your creative spirit, your sillyness, the way you thank me every night without prompting for "making a delicious dinner" and for the way you hold my hand so tightly when we are out and about.
There are so many things about you that make my heart swell and I know that this is a list that is just going to keep on growing as you do too.
And although you are leaving the realms of baby and toddler-hood behind and taking me with you, know this my child...
You will always be my beautiful baby girl!
Love you forever and ever and ever,
Mommy~
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This is my Day 6 post for the Summer Blog Challenge. Yes, yes I know.. it's a day late.
Please visit my fellow bloggers and Psst... we all REALLY enjoy your comments!
Zita at The Dulock Diaries.
Meaghan at MagzD Life
April at This Mom’s Got Something to Say
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World
Jessica at 2plus2X2
and Liam at In the Now
Getting my groove back...
After almost two weeks of being blacklisted by the Googles, and not being able to post anything, I made a decision to switch hosting companies. Good-bye old host, hello BlueHost! Everything seems to be running smoothly and again I have to give props and a big THANK YOU to the awesome Karen Parker, @jkparker for those of you on the TweetyBox, for helping me get everything moved over smoothly and without any major blips throughout the process. Now, I have to regain the love and confidence of the Google gods and of you my dear readers!
So this is a short post to let you know that I just got back yesterday from my first time ever on Vancouver Island. I have downloaded the almost 700 pictures from our trip and will write my "what I did on my summer vacation" post very, very soon! Seriously, I am pretty sure Travel BC is gonna love me for this one!
And along with that post will be at least 30 more...
Yes, you heard me.
I am doing it again.
A Thirty {One} Day Summer Blog Challenge.
I am going to start on August 1st and post once a day until the end of the month (yes, I know that part should be pretty self-explanatory).
Now... if any of my blogging buddies want in on the action, we can make this an official challenge and link up all our posts. You just let me know if you are in and we'll figure out the rest from there.
(And PS everyone, let's not tell Natural Urban Dad about this just yet OK? For some reason he gets all antsy when I do these challenges.)
I leave you tonight with a little teaser from our holidays...
...while I go off to catch up on some So You Think You Can Dance and True Blood.
And make a list of blog post topics. OY!
{Suggestions will be accepted and are MUCH appreciated!}
Ciao bellas and bambinos,
Natasha~