Here is the thing about blogging. It is kind of like journaling. In the sense that I can get my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen and once they are there, then I often feel purged or elated or better about a situation, or a thought or a topic or even myself.

But unlike journaling a blog is public. Once you hit that publish button, it is OUT THERE. For all who want to to read, comment, criticize and judge. So there exists some editing that must be done, in blogging and in life.

And right now I am having a major dilemma about both. I need to get something off my chest. It had been kept inside for over a month and is starting to fester and all I want to do is blog about it! I usually don't operate like this. If something (or someone) pisses me off, upsets me, or otherwise confuses me I usually just express my feelings, get it out of me, deal with it and then move on. In my mind, this is a healthy way of dealing with problems and conflict of any kind. I fully admit that it doesn't always guarantee a happy outcome for everyone, but at least it is honest.

If you haven't figured it out already, I am a passionate person. I have strong opinions and I am not afraid to voice them. I have been accused at times of having no filter and I can not deny this. I prefer to wear my heart on my sleeve, skip the mind games and basically function on a 'what you see {and hear} is what you get' kind of principle.

For the most part this works for me. I make no excuses for who I am, because as you know, I AM the conductor of my own Awesome Train!

But every now and then something happens, either professionally or personally and I am forced to hold back and keep things bottled up. I am forced to focus more on the greater good for all involved, versus my own need to express myself, my opinions or my need to be right.

I blame it all on my birth order. I am the oldest of four and grew up with a working single mother. I was put in charge a lot as a kid and so yeah, I am bossy and overbearing and opinionated and often think that I know best. And what I have learned {again} this past month, is that this attitude does not always work to my advantage.

So what is a big bossy-boo to do about all this?

LEARN and GROW.

Learn more about myself, and about how I respond to situations and people. I need to be more aware of my words, my actions and my oh, so bad poker face of expressions! Words are powerful. And heck, I should really know this. I type a whole lot of them on a weekly basis hoping that they will be powerful enough to affect people.

I am NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. {Warning: DO NOT forward this to my husband-I will hunt you down!!} I do not always say the right thing or express myself appropriately in situations. And I know that this can alienate some people and make them feel uncomfortable. My growth is in learning to listen better, to really hear what is being said to me (and what is not being said at the same time) and THEN to react and discuss. I am often a react first and think later kind of gal and this is the scenario that often gets me into trouble.

I also need to learn to let things go. Let go of situations and circumstances that are beyond my control or my power to comprehend. Constantly focusing on them and going round and round and round with them in my head is just going to drive me bat-shit crazy and suck away all my energy. And in my life, with a husband and children who need me more now than ever, and a business to run and a new house to build, I need to preserve and focus all of my energy into positive and productive channels.

So here is to listening, learning and letting go......

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...{deeeeeeep breath} ....man that felt good to finally write down.

Good night all,

Natasha~